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American thinker.
American thinker.

Ted Nugent is upset, everyone. Barack Obama is his enemy, and he hasn’t jerked off to Megyn Kelly in at least two weeks. So he went to his old friend Alex Jones to talk through his feelings. Like, did you know how everybody’s got a dick in their butts and also America is in bad shape because we have never seen the moviefilm Old Yeller?

I believe that the reason America is stupid, apathetic, uncaring, slovenly, and allowed Barack Obama to become president … it’s because we didn’t play Old Yeller in our school system … there should have been an Old Yeller day. Then there should have been a patriot movie day. Then there should have been a Braveheart movie day. Then of course there should have been a Dirty Harry day.

Ted Nugent REALLY liked movie day when he was in school! Sure beats “learning things in classes.” Anyway, here is why Old Yeller is the reason for the season and how this relates to getting rid of all the liberals:

I don’t care why he’s foaming at the mouth, I don’t care how he got rabies, he’s rabid, get rid of the damn dog. When Old Yeller brings us slippers, give him a biscuit; when he foams at the mouth, you shoot him between the eyes. Any questions? You got to do it. America, you got to cleanse this country. No, I’m not talking about shooting anybody. I’m talking about dealing with an outrageous condition that is painful and traumatic and frustrating, but if you don’t face the beast, you’re dead, and that’s what’s going on.

The beast is lie-brals.

Literally right after that quote, Ted went on to say he is “buoyant and effervescent” right now because he killed a deer and gave his dog some fresh deer livers to eat. Then he said liberals are “subhuman freaks” and that “If I didn’t laugh I’d probably throw up blood, it’s so insane.” THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY EFFERVESCENT, TED.

In conclusion, he says Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are the only hope for America, and if you don’t fight against the liberals like the rabid Old Yeller dogs they are (by shooting them between the eyes, METAPHORICALLY), then you are “bending over and taking it in the ass,” and Ted Nugent does not like that one bit, unless he does. You don’t know.

Here’s the video, if you hate yourself and want to endure 10 full minutes of these blockheads:

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • DahBoner
    • Lance Thrustwell

      The single dumbest rock riff in the history of bonehead rock & roll. He’s the proud composer. Kind of tells you all you need to know, really.

    • Boscoe

      “Impotent”. Apparently.

  • Randy Riddle

    I saw “Old Yeller”, “Dirty Harry”, and “Braveheart”. I’m still a liberal and think these movies suck. (Except for “Dirty Harry”, if you approach it as a satire and laugh at it.)

  • Skwerl King

    Braveheart? Really? … But I guess it is about as accurate as a conservative history book.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Nothing says freedom, American style, like “We want to be ruled by local artistocrats!”

      • AntiDerpomeme

        And it stars an unhinged racist, so the casting works for the unhinged racist set.

    • MrBlobfish

      Bill O’Reilly was there!

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Thanks Ted, for the spoiler on Old Yeller. You fucker.

  • Joshua Norton

    So, according to Ted, Old Yeller had it coming. Why am I not surprised?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …the only thing those movies will teach our kids to put on war paint then shoot the family dog, while saying “do you feel lucky punk”?!?!

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Sounds about right.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      The dog will die confused, wondering why you pulled your pants down and shouted “FREEEEEEDOMMMMMMM!” before pulling the trigger.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I don’t care why he’s foaming at the mouth, I don’t care how he got rabies, he’s rabid, get rid of the damn dog.

    I don’t think a worse misreading of Old Yeller is possible.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      It’s actually about the adoption and subsequent remission of the gold standard.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I thought that was The Wizard of Oz :-)

        • MsAnthropesMr

          Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me that Chronicles of Narnia was written by a Christian Apologist.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I can’t wait for the new ALA book series reading with Ted. Next, he’ll tell us how The Giving Tree is about the importance of the lumber industry.

      • pstockholm

        Where the Wild Things Are. Deer hunting tips for kids.

    • PsycWench

      Maybe he could infer that illegal immigrants actually gave Old Yeller rabies.

    • w9anthimos

      Hey Ted, that’s not rabies your dog has, he’s just picked up on some of your effervescence.

    • Sam Hain

      What Ted doesn’t realize is he’s describing himself.

    • TheBidenator

      Really telling of both the mans intellectual capability and sanity isn’t it? Screw a Rorschach test if Nuge wasn’t killing defenseless animals he’d probably be a gutless serial killer preying on underage girls…..

  • I believe that the reason America is stupid, apathetic, uncaring, slovenly, and allowed Barack Obama to become president

    Or, and this is just a theory, the reason Americans are stupid is because they believe that fictional action movies are documentaries and listen to Alex Jones.

    The reason they are apathetic about government is because of 35 years of conservative rhetoric telling them that government is incompetent, government can’t work, etc., combined with stagnant wages and none of the ‘trickle-down’ bullshit they were promised.

    The reason why they don’t care is that they are fed ‘both sides do it!’ by a corporate owned media that benefits from the status quo.

    And really, if you’re going to call someone slovenly… people living in glass houses, Ted.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. If you want to solve the “slovenly” problem, Ted, let’s start by wiping our bottoms after every time we make poop-poop. With paper, preferably.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Paper is for wimps. He uses one of his side arms.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I guess that’s better than the side of his arm…?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      That man constantly looks like he needs a bath. And as MsAnthrope would tell you , my hygiene is no prize.

    • Boscoe

      That and several generations of school budget cuts by conservatives…

  • ManchuCandidate

    Brave talk by Mr Shit Pants To Dodge The Vietnam War.*

    *I don’t give a fuck as given the choice most people don’t want to fight and/or die in war, but Ted’s bellicose shit talk and epic pants shitting at his moment of truth just makes me laugh.

  • PubOption

    Ted’s gunning for the Yeller Dog Democrats.

  • crunchyknee

    Say, them’s two fellers who can certainly save the day!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    We used to have to watch a movie about an Okie girl whose family travels all over the place to escape the dustbowl and people were mean to her because she was poor and then her family finally gets to settle down somewhere. I don’t remember if she had rabies or not, but I though it was boring, so probably not.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Peaches of Rage? No that wasn’t it.

    • eggsacklywright

      Oklahomo?

    • Creepoman

      They taught us about diversity by showing us “Onion John” – about a weird immigrant hermit who eats onions like apples. Sure kids, his breath smells like hell, but he has a good heart.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      Slightly OT, but True Story: My mother is a substitute teacher for high school students. Back in the early aughts, she had to show “Of Mice and Men” to an English class, so the kids brought her the DVD. But she didn’t understand what mice or men had to do with a movie about a cheerleading competition rivalry between a black team and white team. Bless her heart…

      • Msmlg1979

        I had to Lol at this. Reminds me of my sweet Mama, who asked me, back in the 90s, why Will Smith was singing about “eating chicken with it”, and I had to tell her he was saying “getting jiggy with it”.

        • Sgt. Gym Bunny

          Wow! Now that’s funny!!!!

    • Boscoe

      Oh yeah, that movie about grapes! I remember that one!

  • DerrickWildcat

    Everybody cheered when they killed that rabid, Ol’ Yeller.
    “Travis, git outside and just put a bullet between the eyes of that damn rabid dog.”
    “Ok, Ma.”
    The End.

  • cheetojeebus

    Gawd damn it Obama, You’ve had nearly 8 years to get the FEMA camps up and running? WTF. How much longer do we have to endure twats like this?

  • Courtney

    They made us watch Old Yeller in 5th grade, and it failed to teach me to kill rabid dogs or liberals. I don’t think I got the same message as Ted Nugent. You know, while I was crying on the floor and scarred for life.

    • Boscoe

      For Ted, it was the uplifting story of how Travis learned how to kill.

  • cleanfront

    “I’m talking about dealing with an outrageous condition that is painful and traumatic and frustrating.”

    Ahhh, yes, the small-minded of the privileged majority tend to feel excluded in equality movements because it’s the first time their voices aren’t in total control.

    – A privileged white dude that wants real equality for all.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It’s fascinating how unbearably painful it is for white guys not to dominate the conversation.

      Uh… says a white guy.

      • therblig

        will the white gentleman yield the floor for a comment from another white gentleman?

        well said.

  • Mavenmaven

    Funny to hear those two halfwits talk about “academia”.

    • beatbort

      They’re just sad that “academia” will never talk about them. Ever.

      • Suttree

        Unless that professor is assigning a paper on how The Paranoid Style in American Politics relates to our current elections.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Goddamnit, why won’t that bizarre half-talent asshole go away? I’m from Michigan, and he ruins people’s perception of what is actually a beautiful state with some very nice people.

    • chicken thief

      And trees, just the right height.

    • Show us on your hand where you live!

  • Mavenmaven

    Ted Cruz will now misread Old Yeller at his next filibuster.

  • Tallmutha

    Well, he’s not in jail so either he’s one of the walking dead or his promises aren’t worth shit.

    • The Wanderer

      The latter.

  • therblig

    didn’t his old yeller underpants keep him out a vietnam foxhole?

  • WiscoJoe

    Wait, they actually showed Old Yeller and Braveheart in my school when I was growing up. I still turned out to be super gay and liberal and a big ol’ Obama voter. It’s probably because they forgot to show me Dirty Harry.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They need to couple those positive messages with cautionary tales like Reefer Madness and Cruising.

      • WiscoJoe

        Oh, I watched those movies as well. They got me hot!

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Young Al Pacino? Yeah, baby.

          • WiscoJoe

            Self loathing homo erotica set in 1970s New York? Mmmm…..

    • Sam Hain

      You saw the Dirty Sanchez instead?

  • LarryHoudini

    Old Yeller is a movie about a dog? Sounds more like the average Republican voter.

    • w9anthimos

      …or the average Republican congressman.

  • chicken thief

    “No, I’m not talking about shooting anybody.”

    “I’d rather shit my pants than have to defend this glorious country and our freedoms!” Ted the now RINO Chickenhawk continued.

  • baconzgood

    Dear God,
    We offer you Ted Nugent, Hank Williams Jr. and Kid Rock, for a week of Buddy Holly so he can record a few new songs.
    Sincerely,
    The World

  • chicken thief

    Allowed Barack Obama to become President? Yo, Poopy Pants, we VOTED for him – twice!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      But you didn’t vote the way Shittypanties wanted you to, so obviously America is a failure. It’s so disappointing when the majority doesn’t buy into the nutball narrative.

      • glennisw

        He believes in democracy as long as people vote the way he wants them to.

        • BadKitty904

          As does pretty much the entire GOP.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    What three movies should be shown to schoolchildren instead of Ted’s choices? Suggestions, please.

    • eddi

      Grapes of Wrath (suggested below) just checked, it is Gayer Than Thou FTW
      It’s a Wonderful Life
      Selma

      • beatbort

        The Simpsons Movie
        Borat (to get a real feel for American values as seen through a foreigner’s eyes)
        Apocalypse Now

    • DerrickWildcat

      Seven Samurai.
      Solaris.
      Persona.

      • baconzgood

        The Russian version of Solaris or the cheese remake?

        • DerrickWildcat

          C’mon Man.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Grave of the Fireflies
      Slaughterhouse Five
      Catch-22

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Especially in the military academies!

    • Gorillionaire

      The Tin Drum

      • MsAnthropesMr

        + a million.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      If you have to pick a Clint Eastwood film –
      Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

      • Ryan Denniston

        I liked Pale Rider too.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Unforgiven if you want to teach a heavy handed lesson on killin’ an’ shootin’ stuff.

          Also, Gran Torino. Because immigrants.

          • Ryan Denniston

            Definitely Gran Torino. Kids gotta learn how to snark in racist ways!

    • MrBlobfish

      Go with the comedy classics:
      Taxi Driver
      Goodfellas
      Reservoir Dogs

      • SpideySenser

        Might I add “The Usual Suspects”

    • arglebargle

      Stripes
      Holy Grail
      Time Bandits

    • Tallmutha

      Bad Lieutenant
      Empire of the Senses
      Salo

      • Suttree

        Bad Lieutenant taught me a LOT in seventh grade.

        • Tallmutha

          Salo will teach you a lot, if you didn’t already think fascists were sexually fucked up.

          • Suttree

            I really don’t think I could actually watch that. I have tender sensibilities.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      School of Rock, The Muppet Movie, Bend it Like Beckham

    • pstockholm

      Pink Flamingos, definitely. C’mon the kids will eat that shit up!

      • PubOption

        It’s Divine stuff.

      • say wha

        ISWYDT

    • Ryan Denniston

      The Big Lebowski
      Ferris Beuller’s Day Off
      Wayne’s World

    • say wha

      The Chocolate War
      Dead Poets Society
      Finding Forester

    • ‘My Dinner with Andre’ 3 times?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        And for the Nuge, ‘My After-Dinner Drink with the Dread Pirate Roberts’

        • For some reason I thought this was about 3 movies to waterboard Ted to.

          (the coffee was just hitting the bloodstream)

    • BadKitty904

      Brazil

    • Suttree

      The Discreet Charm Of The Bourgeoisie.
      Annie Hall.
      Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex……But Where Afraid To Ask.
      Yes my father started fucking with my head early, why do you ask?

    • PubOption

      Watermelon Man
      Local Hero
      And, if I may cheat a little, all parts of the ‘7 Up’ TV documentary series.

    • Boscoe

      Fight Club
      Brazil
      Idiocracy

      • monkeysntypewriters

        upvoting for Idiocracy

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Reaching waaaay back, I would suggest “Sherlock Jr.,” “The Fatal Glass of Beer” and “The Lady Eve.”

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Nope. Not gonna play that and ruin a perfectly good Friday. Thanks for taking one for the team, Evan.

  • Jennifer R

    Any article about Ted that doesn’t start off “Noted pantshitter” is one failing to meet expectations.

    • DerrickWildcat

      and convicted poacher.

    • SpideySenser

      And pedophile.

    • BadKitty904

      And Teabagger poster-boy.

  • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

    Alex Jones looks like a Christopher Hitchens carved out of a mealy potato.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He’s sort of like a developmentally disabled, mildly schizophrenic, Peter Hitchens.

      • Suttree

        And somehow out-assholes him also, too.

    • Sam Hain

      I always thought him and especially Sheldon Adelson resemble that Pink Slime that they make Spam out of.

  • baconzgood

    “I believe that the reason America is stupid, apathetic, uncaring, slovenly,”
    If so why aren’t you selling more records?
    CHECK AND MATE!

  • arglebargle

    As is always the case, Bill Murray has something to say ’bout Old Yeller.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjlw4Edt-e8

    • DemmeFatale

      Thanks!
      I love this movie.
      So many quotable lines.
      (Totally makes up for the downhill trajectory that happens after boot camp.)

      • arglebargle

        OMG, I know. Every other line is a keeper. I love Bill, but never understood the love for Caddyshack. I have this movie memorized. We taped it on a cassette and drove around listening to it in college.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Even Trump wouldn’t use this washed up has-been for a warm up band at his brown shirt rallies.

  • beatbort

    How the mighty have fallen. Just last week, Ted was being interviewed by Alan Colmes. Now, he has slipped down to Alex Jones.
    What next?
    Michael “Wiener” Savage?

    • thenearesthippie

      I wonder if Savage’s followers know they’re actually part of “Wiener Nation”

  • The Wanderer

    Whenever this asshole shows his face on the teevee looky-box, there should be a caption that reads “Deliberately shit himself to dodge the draft. Pussy.”

    • BadKitty904

      A Sensible Policy for a Better America.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “outrageous condition that is painful and traumatic and frustrating,” ugh, we don’t want to hear about your chronic STD’s Ted.

    Also too, what the fuck is with you and Sarah Palin’s verbiage of “Living Vibrantly,” and being “buoyant and effervescent” Are these new fundy dog whistles?

    • Suttree

      It’s the froth coming out of their wherevers that’s effervescing.

    • pstockholm

      Sarah, early Christmas present, batteries not included. Ted, prescription (custom camo pill case), also an early Christmas present from “Santa’s little helper” we’re guessing SD.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Dammit, Ted! I actually still like your old music, but I can’t listen to it in public because of this shit. I’m afraid people will think I like your nutso ideology, also too.

  • Rick Hill

    Shouldn’t we be allowed to put someone down when they are this old an stoopid? One right between the eyes for the good of our country.

    • Boscoe

      I don’t care why he’s frothing at the mouth, you’ve just got to do it…

      I forget where I heard that…

  • PsycWench

    I heard there is a new song about Ted Nugent: cunt scratch fever.

  • eddi

    Separated at birth.

    • chicken thief

      Is that second one Kim Davis?

    • sosuume

      Ben Carson’s work.

  • freakishlystrong

    I really don’t want to live these people in my country any more. If we’re all such stupid, gay, apathetic losers, why don’t they just go the fuck away?

    • BadKitty904

      I’m sure they’d fit right in in, say, North Korea…

  • Pinkham’s Law

    He does have a point, but it isn’t the one he thinks he has. “I don’t care why he’s foaming at the mouth, I don’t care how he got rabies, he’s rabid, get rid of the damn dog.” Has he not been watching his own party’s primary race? If anybody’s rabid, it ain’t the Dems! Kinda looks like they’re taking themselves out at the same time though, so at least there’s that.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      Ted Nugent is a life-long example of somebody who projects their faults onto others.

      • arglebargle

        And he likes movies. Thus, a movie projector!

        Wonder if he was in the AV club in H.S.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        In short, your typical “conservative”. All projection, all the time.

  • exinkwretch

    With all this talk of a brokered GOP convention, who better than the Motor City Madman to lead the Rs to a glorious victory? Ted is truly the greatest, most patriotic American. In his imagination, I mean.

    • Boscoe

      Yess. YESSSSSSSSSSS.

  • Joe Newman

    I had to watch a cut-for-TV version of Braveheart in middle school…

    • beatbort

      Did they take out all the scenes with the kilts?

    • Boscoe

      We watched Gandhi.

  • glennisw

    No, I’m not talking about shooting anybody. I’m talking about dealing with an outrageous condition

    Do elaborate, Ted. You’re not talking about shooting; just what ARE you advocating?

    • beatbort

      He’s advocating for unbelievable pics of hot girls getting wild in public. Either that, or how to remove the age marks on his face.

      • Boscoe

        Try this one weird trick to get shit stains out of your jeans…

    • BadKitty904

      He’s advocating “ME! ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!1!”

    • Antimassacree

      Who will rid me of these troublesome libruls?

      • NellCote71

        Henry II libelz.

  • Funny cause Ted shit his own pants to get out of the Vietnam War but now want everybody to shit their pants so ‘merica goes into war with Islam. Funny, as in fucked up.

  • JohnR

    Ted needs to be the next one to impregnate Bristol Palin.

    • Antimassacree

      Can we be certain he hasn’t already checked that off his bucket list? Or his list that rhymes with bucket. If not he’d best hurry; Brisdull isn’t getting any younger.

      • Boscoe

        She’s already way too old for Ted.

    • AnnieW

      I’m no fan of Bristol but fortunately for her, she could do better. At the very least way better looking.

      • Boscoe

        Unfortunately she is a sucker for a pickup truck and a guitar-shaped swimming pool.

    • greyXstar

      She’s older than 16. Way too old for him.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Judging from her FB page, Ted is probably getting his effervescence from his wife. If only he would occasionally hook up with an English major.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Braveheart, about a group of secessionists. Dirty Harry, about a cop that’s okay with roughing a perp up a little, as long as you don’t form a vigilante CHiPS unit to fight crime. Makes sense so far. What the fuck is Old Yeller?

    • Old Yeller is a classic Disney movie, about a boy and his dog. The dog saves the boy from a rabid wolf, gets rabies, so the boy has to shoot the dog. It’s a tear-jerker.

    • Also Braveheart is about a guy who shows his courage by killing two unarmed men in the middle of the night in their beds. No wonder Ted loves it.

  • MrBlobfish

    Noted child rapist talks to man who thinks Obama creates tornados.

    • Rick Hill

      So silly. Obama creates earthquakes. You can see why no one takes these people seriously.

    • BadKitty904

      For some reason, I read that as “man who thinks Obama creates tomatoes.” Which makes just as much sense as anything else Nougat says, really…

      • Suttree

        I thought Michelle planted the garden?

      • OddMan

        Well thanks Obama.

        No really, thanks, I like tomatoes.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Yeah, if there was only a draft to dodge, like in the good ol’ days amirite?

  • chicken thief

    I didn’t know they let Ted wander around without the supervision of Mike Huckabee.

  • Beowoof14

    Thanks Ped, for ruining what was a favorite movie of mine on love and loss.

  • BadKitty904

    An elderly, draft-dodging, drug-damaged hippie is bitching about how “things have changed since I was a nipper.” This rates right up there, news-wise, with:

    • AnOuthouse

      He claims he never did drugs. His stupid is all natural.

      • BadKitty904

        I can claim to be 6’2″. It still won’t change the fact that I have to stand on tip-toes to kiss my sweetie.

        • That’s what you get for marrying a 7 footer?

          • BadKitty904

            Well, he’s 6’2″, actually. I’m 5’6″ (if I stand super-str8, wear shoes with soles, and puff up).

          • Mark Dobrowolski

            Hey, you need someone down low…I was refering to basketball

    • mardam422

      So I tied an onion to my belt, since that was the style at the time….

  • JustPixelz

    According to Alex Jones, Ted Nugent is a false flag operation. And I believe him.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Ted is the result of bad intelligence.

  • Callyson

    “If I didn’t laugh I’d probably throw up blood, it’s so insane,” Nugent said.

    I thought that was on your last album, Ted…

  • AnOuthouse

    Because of Ted, I can’t eat candy bars any more that contain nougat. That’s too close for comfort.

  • AnOuthouse

    Ted, I actually did watch Old Yeller in school and Obama is the best President in my life time. Hands down.

  • AnOuthouse

    Ted is #14,102 in Music > Rock at amazon. Does this number improve when he says outrageous shit?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    So, all you Ted supporters, how many of you would allow Nugent alone with your teenage daughters, hmm?

    • D_C_Wilson

      I wouldn’t leave him alone with my dog.

      • pstockholm

        To be fair I doubt he’d try to fuck your dog. But you wouldn’t want your dog to pick up any bad habits, like shitting all over the place.

        • D_C_Wilson

          Why take the risk in either case?

      • Beaufighter

        Depends on the age of your dog. Turd Nugget likes ’em young.

  • Joy

    He’s gross. I hope he falls backward, and one of his elephant guns goes up his butt.

    • 3583818

      That image will make me smile all day. Thank you.

    • John Smith

      Million to one shot, doc! Million to one.

  • edith prickly

    Shut up and go poop your pants again, Ted. You’re not going to be VP.

  • Sam Hain

    Pedophile, poaching, psychopathic, pants-shitting, draft-dodger said what?

  • Relativicus

    You heard it here first, folks (because you probably don’t listen to Alex Anyeurism), do NOT vote to re-elect that rabid dawg Obama. Shoot him instead. And don’t none you liberals try to say that Ted’s imploring of Americans to shoot the president as some sort of call for people to shoot the president. Because that’s just taking everything Ted said out of context. The context of shooting/not shooting the president.

    • Oh, heck, I wasn’t planning on voting to re-elect Obama anyway! Mostly because he isn’t running. I still hold out hope for the big military coup the right wing keeps whining about though.

    • grumblestiltskin

      By his own admission, he’s tired of taking it in the ass from rabid animals. I wouldn’t dream of touching that context.

  • thirdeblue

    You guys laugh at stupid, ignorant, hateful Ted Nugent, but when the zombie apocalypse happens, I’d gladly have him in my posse.

    EDIT: Tolerate. I’d tolerate Ted in my zombie-huntin’ posse.

    • Kakkeltje

      Is that because the zombies will take one look at him and then decide to search for brains elsewhere?

    • Boscoe

      Good luck with that. The Nooj is the kind of guy who ends up getting snuffed by the other survivors.

      • Anarchy Pony

        That or he hides that he’s been bitten, turns in the night and eats somebody else while they’re sleeping.

      • zerosumgame0005

        well, when the food runs out there’s always the Nudge…

        • Enfant Terrible

          Ewww. Sounds like the long pig equivalent of farm-raised salmon.

    • Always helps to have one person you’re willing to sacrifice, doesn’t it? Or to use as bait.

    • Mark Dobrowolski

      don’t trust him when the zombie herd arrives, you are faster then Ted

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Pantshitting coward is a big fan of Old Yeller. My, that is a shocking surprise.

    • zerosumgame0005

      you just know the thought of shooting a dog gave Ted wood…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    While we’re at it, there’s a classic short film starring Topsy the Elephant. Kids will love it!

  • Paperless Tiger

    … I’d probably throw up blood …

    At least it would be a change from spewing bile.

  • Jgb979

    Wasn’t this idiot supposed to be dead or in prison if Obama reelected?

    Did he poop his pants again when it came time to serving his country?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Mr. Nugent is a lunatic. Nobody should pay any attention to anything he says.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    His favorite movie makes sense because The Nooge is old, he is a yeller and he is yeller, also, too.

    • Mark Dobrowolski

      A triple!!!

  • SullivanSt

    Well, there’s definitely some foaming at the mouth happening, that’s for damn sure.

  • Msmlg1979

    Someone got caught in that Stranglehold a bit too long…

    • John Smith

      It was the autoerotic asphyxiation, as he flapped to his underage guns.

  • DemmeFatale
  • NORMAN DOSTAL

    My god, why is this POS allowed a forum? Hes just some washed up singer! Trump supporters are angry white people who have shitty lives and want to blame someone

  • Bitter Scribe

    Attention, Ted: We didn’t “allow” Obama to “become” president. WE VOTED FOR HIM.

    • Beezelbubbles

      Twice!

      • Markuserektus

        Three if we could…

  • Max Newman

    Poor Ted is too old and ugly now to generate any sexual interest from underage girls so he had to go conservative. Yes he did that , it is matter of public record, he us pedophile.

    • zerosumgame0005

      hell Max, he wrote/recoded a song bragging about chasing and violating little girls

  • Tony

    “This town is full of right-wingers—the world is full of right-wingers—intolerant, cruel sons-of-bitches.”

    –Tommy Kirk, the drug-using homosexual who shot Old Yeller

  • Joe T.

    What about Milius’ Red Dawn Day? I thought that was the ammosexuals’ bible?

    • Angry and Short

      Wolverines!!! I hated that fucking film.

  • Angry and Short

    He looks like a redneck Elf from Lord of the Rings

    • jmk

      Tolkien just came back to life long enough to throw up in his grave at the thought.

  • Mark Dobrowolski

    Ted Nugent, hmm, “He doth protest too much” (thank you William Shakespeare), “not that there is anything wrong with that” (thank you Seinfeld).

  • GDleftyPart2

    Well by Teds template, he’s foaming and rabid.
    I guess we all know what needs doing….schedule a Cheney hunting trip.

  • Sheryl Macy
  • janecita

    He also said “I watched Apocalypse now, Platoon, and Full Metal Jacket. Those movies taught me all I needed to know about the horrors of war. That’s why I pooped my pants, and stayed home instead”

    • DeputyVanHalen

      I find it amusing that so many of these people who have fantasies about being the “good guy with a gun” did everything they could to get out of ever having to be in real combat.

      • Brianna Amoré

        And that’s why they can spout off about shooting bad guys without having a goddamned idea about what it’s like to actually be under fire.

        Spoiler alert: it ain’t like the movies.

    • Iam Reading

      Hmmm. They came out post Vietnam. Prescient movie viewing?

      • janecita

        Obviusly he borrowed Obama’s time machine, traveled to the future, watched the movies, came back and pooped his pants. Thanks Obama!

  • Birohazard

    So much for ‘freedom’ in the ‘best country on Earth’. Effing twat.

  • BeliTsari

    Old Yeller ’bout sums him up, alrighty!

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    See, some of us read Old Yeller in middle school. And the take away wasn’t how much fun it is to shoot a maybe rabid dog.

    • Iam Reading

      No shit. WTF is wrong with this entity?

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Nugent talks about ‘cleansing’ an awful lot.

    Maybe he’s still cleaning up after his poopy pants incident, and assumes everyone else is as well.

    • Brianna Amoré

      I think he’s thinking more in the line of ethnic cleansing.

  • Grokenstein

    Teddy Buttnuggets is the last person who should recommend blowing away people for acting like rabid animals.

  • Metadude

    Everyone knows butts are for pants-pooping only.

  • Iam Reading

    Heard AJ for first time on hAteM radio last night after a pleasant evening of 501 and pints. Audio fucking kryptonite. How is he a thing?

  • Swampay

    Hate to state the obvious, there, Teddy, but those flecks of spittle around your muzzle look a lot like foam to me.

  • dshwa

    “Here’s the video, if you hate yourself and want to endure 10 full minutes of these blockheads”

    Nobody hates themselves that much.

  • boll ocks

    Teddy- your music sucks, but your political commentary sucks harder.

  • whitroth

    Um, I agree with him. I saw Old Yeller as a kid. Except his target’s a little off – I keep hearing “gun control” is aiming carefully. Seems to me Nugent is the one frothing at the mouth….

    I think this covers him pretty well: the Austin Lounge Lizards “Life Is Hard” (and Life is Harder When You’re Dumb):
    https: // http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LLT8tyImJA

    mark

  • doglover

    HE used to be a hippie. I used to drive by a club he played in Ohio and he would be sitting outside for hours waiting for it to open. He had hair down to his ass.

  • Mintie

    “And then we should have had an Orient Express day, so kids could learn about solving crime, and then we should have had a Ten Commandments day, so kids could learn about the NRA and the right to bear arms . . .”

  • TheBidenator

    You’d think a guy with drawers that loaded down with his own feces would think twice about making any jokes involving the butt but hell, even Chuck C. Johnson talks about stuff hitting the floor or shitting hitting the fan sometimes…..

  • TheBidenator

    Shouldn’t he be dead or in jail by now? When is someone going to ask the amazing Kreskin about his other proclamation. Slowest damn jack booted seizure of a pants-pooping draft dodger Uber-patriot fake tough guy ever…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I have a working theory;
      Whenever someone of a conservative bent, who regularly indulges in illegal behavior, wants to avoid doing any jail time for said behavior, they go full out wingnut and try to play tops for the craziest shit ever. That way, if the G men do come for them, they can just scream it is all a hoax to squash their freedom of speech.

      Also, another theory, probably a bit more true-er-y: There are some wingnuts who actually believe if you do not believe like they do, you are not even American at all and therefore, should be shot like a rabid dog.

  • Brianna Amoré

    So basically everything Ted learned about life he learned from Hollywood films.

    No wonder he’s so delusional.

  • Ricky Gay

    Scat Scratch Fever

  • handyhippie65

    i know the bile volcano, that is nugent will spew periodically, but do we have to hear about it in detail? when he goes all krakatoa, and blows what little brains he has left out, details. till then, nugent spews, is good enough.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Oh, Evan. Why do you even provide the video? Don’t you already know the answer to the question, “Who wants to watch a ten-minute interview of Ted Nugent by Alex Jones?”

  • Playonwords

    Blockheads LIBELZ!!! Ian Dury wouldn’t be seen dead with either of them

    https://youtu.be/aizzH_JMU3c

    • Me not sure

      For Nugent it’s “Sex and Drugs and Lock and Load”. Where’s one of Pinkham’s antibiotic resistant bugs when you need one?

  • alrdouglas

    Not clicking the clicky… Nope, no way.

  • Lambsendbeds

    Ted Nugent is foaming at the mouth – can we shoot him now?

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