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After impatiently demanding, 29 hours a day, that the president nut up and call the shootings in San Bernardino last week TERRORISM, Fox News’s ew nasty nighttime ejaculations came true. So did Obama’s Sunday night address from the Oval Office at long last make the Fox folks feel satiated and in need of a cigarette? Hells no, what are you, a stupid?

The president may have said the T-word, but on Monday, at Fox “Business” Network, Fox News Strategic Analyst Lt. Col. Ralph Peters explained why — contrary to all prior claims by Fox — simply saying the T-word does not mean we’re half-way there to winning the War on Terror, with our words:

Mr. President we’re not afraid. We’re angry, we’re pissed off, we’re furious! We want you to react, we want you to do something! You’re afraid! This guy is such a total pussy, it’s stunning. And we the people, the American people —

Waiiiiiit a minute. Did this guy just call “Mr. President” a pussy? Rewind. Why yes, yes he did. Just wanted to confirm that. Go on, Strategic Analyst Guy:

This is a president who has done more harm to American police departments than he has done to Islamic State. This is a president who restrains our military. He uses it, not to defeat ISIS but for political purposes, for political cover. This is a president who doesn’t want to hurt our enemies. This is a president who cares more about THUGS in Guantanamo, or THUGS in Ferguson, Missouri, than he does about …

Blah blah, you get the idea. You may not have gotten the memo that the president is droning American police departments to death, but that’s why Fox News is here to keep you informed.

After Lt. Col. Peters finishes yelling at President Obama for a good minute of morning hate, Fox host Stuart Varney eventually interrupts with a bemused smile:

I can tell you’re super angry and I asked you what your reaction was, but you can’t use language like that on the program, I’m sorry.

We assume Varney isn’t admonishing Fox’s analyst for throwing around the word “thugs” so casually, nor for his absurd and not true ACTUALLY accusation that the president is waging a more serious war against our nation’s police than against ISIS, so, by the process of elimination, we guess the problem is saying the P-word on television. Not because it’s uncouth to call the president a pussy, but, you know, children’s comatose grandparents are out there possibly watching this family entertainment, so, sorry, but please find a more G-rated insult for the president, pal.

Lest you think this is an exception to the rule and that the rest of Fox is happy happy joy joy that Obama said the T-word, shut the front door, because yeah right, as IF. The “Fox & Friends” ménage à trois over on the Sofa of Stupid aren’t about to express any gratitude that the president is FINALLY taking this terror stuff seriously enough to say TERRORISM for the first time ever, if you’re not counting the one million and seven other times he has already said it, which they are not, obviously. Sure the president said the T-word, but as Fox “Reporter” Kristin Fisher helpfully emphasized, “In his entire remarks, he never once used the words ‘radical Islamic terrorism.'” Take it away, Fox & Friends Brain Trust:

STEVE DOOCY: That’s a step in the right direction, but then again he had to because his FBI director said it was terrorism, two days earlier.

HASSELBECK: It’s a sad state when he gets credit for actually using the word that should have been used all along.

DOOCY: He could have, he should have just added to it.

HASSELBECK: Perhaps.

DOOCY: Just one more word.

HASSELBECK: Just another step forward would be great.


Ugh, Obama, what a family-friendly-euphemism-for-pussy that guy is, right? He only calls an act of terror an act of terror when the people in charge of investigating that tell him it is an act of terror. And not a second before! Which is absurd, because Fox News was able to conclude last week’s incident was an act of terrorism long before those slow-poke FBI morons sussed out that’s what it was, all right you betcha. If Obama were a real president, he’d call all acts of violence Radical Islamic Terrorism, or better still, hand the investigation right over to the geniuses at Fox News. They’d have this whole case cracked, like, months ago.

Sure, on the downside, if Fox were in charge, its various blondes and non-blondes might have accidentally arrested the president of Turkey as the “second shooter.” It might have, upon Sean Hannity’s suggestion, rounded up all the Syrian refugees who had nothing whatsoever to do with the incident, but isn’t it all sort of the same, really, when you think about it?

The point is, Fox News and its analysts know what’s going on, even if President Pussy doesn’t, or will only say so when forced into it by the FBI, so if we inadvertently make false accusations against innocent people or use our pants-crapping as a justification for discrimination and maybe even dropping some bombs on whoever, ah well, that’s the price of freedom. No doubt the Fox Business Network would call that a bargain at twice the price.

[Joe My God / Media Matters]

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  • Nounverb911

    Pussy Galore libelz!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Was always disappointed that there was so little Goldfingering of Ms. Galore.

  • Zippy

    Remember when it was unpatriotic to attack the president during a time of war?

    as always with these hypocritical assholes IOKIYAR

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Zip, when you realize that no one with a D behind their name can possibly be the legitimate President of the United States, it all becomes clear.

    • fka_donnie_d

      But, this is not a Real War you see. The minute he bombs some sandy desert into glass we will be in an actual war, he will no longer be a pussy, and therefore he will no longer merit their scorn. QE fucking D.

      Problem Solved.

  • Callyson

    Betty White has the perfect response:

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I lurves me some Betty White.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Peters is a disgrace to the uniform he once wore.

  • kindness

    What Fox News really means behind all the Argle and Bargle:

    “Won’t some fine person please kill this President so that we may be done with him?”

    If it was any more straight forward the Secret Service would need an office in Fox HQ.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Perzackly.

  • Lizzietish81

    Why not? I think the president is quite warm and deep.

    • jviscont1

      and his Brazilian wax job is only done locally by US citizens of Brazilian descent.

  • JustPixelz

    He may be a pussy but he won. Twice.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He kicked the asses of he-men Walnuts and Rmoneybot.

  • Mavenmaven

    “we the American people, who he [Obama] does not know in any intimate manner” because apparently Lt Col Peters is a birther.

    • willi0000000

      well . . . i would probably accept President Obama as a friend . . . but i don’t want to “know him in an intimate manner” . . . thank you very much.

      [ ymmv ]

  • AncienReggie

    Nothing against Lt. Colonels, but they are, after all, just fucking lieutenant colonels. And anyway, if Fox really wanted to know what was going on in the world, they’d find a sergeant.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      True dat.

      It’s said the smartest guys in the Pentagon are the full Colonels pushing to the 30 year retirement line. They’re smart because they never got political enough to get a star.

    • Nounverb911

      Wasn’t Henry Kissinger a sergeant?

      • tihond

        He was! You know who else was a sergeant?

        • Zippy

          Pepper?

        • Nounverb911

          Sgt. Schultz?

          • Msgr_Moment

            You know nothinggg!!!

        • Count Awesome

          Dick Sargeant?

          • Gleem-McShinez

            Don’t trust the internet! It says “Dick Sargent is dead,” but I just watched a very much alive one on that FOX News clip!

        • John Smith

          Shriver?

        • calliecallie

          Mozzarella? Oh, wait, that’s Sargento. Must be in the Italian army.

      • SpideySenser

        York?

      • theCryptofishist

        Brevit.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I never got why Lieutenant General is a higher rank than Major General, and don’t even get me started on Sergeant Major.

    • RoyalUglyDude

      I want to know what Col. Mustard thinks.

    • willi0000000

      fux gnus has no time for sergeants.

  • Nounverb911

    I thought Hasselbeck was leaving Fox to spend more time at home watching her husband seduce the nanny?

  • Tony Prost

    It’s like Homoousinians arguing with Homoiousinians! Or the fight with the Nestorians over whether Mary was the Mother of God, or just the Mother of Christ.

  • With a last name like Peters, he should know better than to invite the obvious mockery that would come with acting like a dick.

    • cousin itt

      That’s Dick. Dick Peters.

  • Count Awesome

    Dear Fox News:
    “Go fuck yourself.”
    Love,
    Dick Cheney

  • jviscont1

    if Bamz can be associated with another member of the animal kingdom, what critter would Dubya be?

    • Count Awesome

      Pond scum?

      • SterWonk

        <voice type=”Bull Shannon”>I am human sweat!</voice>

        /me wonders how many few will get the reference

    • cousin itt

      The Donald’s head ferret?

      • Nounverb911

        Gere’s rectal gerbil?

    • Dung beetle. Spent his entire political career pushing a massive amount of bullshit.

    • tihond

      A pet goat.

      • Nounverb911

        Only if Laura taught him to read.

        • jviscont1

          but there were big pictures on each page along with the big words.

    • Suttree

      An inbred ass, only less useful?

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      One of those deeply stupid Irish Setters, not the happy ones whose humans have completely given up on traiining-wise, the unhappy neurotic ones with a strict owner.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ahhhhhh yes, don’t you all remember the Dubya days, where merely calling the president “dummy” was tantamount to treason?

    • JustPixelz

      When the Dixie Chicks insulted Dear Leader, they were “erased”.

  • Joe Beese

    This was the kind of speech for which the adjective “spittle-flecked” was coined.

    • jviscont1

      for Varney’s sensibilities to be raised, he must have been wiping his face off before shutting the dude down.

    • zerosumgame0005

      “pee stained chair” also too!

    • SpideySenser

      Let the flem fly!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        ♫ Like it’s never flown before…. ♫

        This could be the next John Ashcroft song.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Lt. Col. Ralph Peters- Look this guy up on Wikipedia.

    He has a habit of being wrong all the time but making inflammatory statements that get him invited back onto Fox News.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Peters

    • Nounverb911

      If he was sane, he wouldn’t be on Fox…

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        He served in Germany and the United States, no combat experience, specialized in intelligence related to the Soviet Union, retired 1998.

        Zero experience with Centcom. Writes novels. That’s really his thing.

        That and appearing on Fox and saying things to get attention.

        • SnarkTank

          “specialized in intelligence”
          .
          Not sure why, but this makes me giggle.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Military Intelligence as an oxymoron is an old joke.

        • marxalot

          The intel coming out of West Germany in re: the USSR was largely (come to find out later) garbage.
          Three guesses why.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Military Intelligence?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Guys like this dipshit who couldn’t even pick up on Günter Guillaume?

        • RoyalUglyDude

          He probably spent most of that time marching up and down the square.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            You probably think you have better things to do than marching up and down the square, don’t you?

          • AnOuthouse

            Its good exercise.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I’m going to assume the novels are sub-Clive Cussler crap.

        • theCryptofishist

          What has he been up to for 17 years? Commenting for fox and…

          Maybe he drives an ice cream truck.

          Whoops, missed that about the novels. Don’t I look silly?

    • cmd

      I always wonder about those “former” terrorist experts, FBI people, military. Are they “former” because they got kicked out for being incompetent?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        He was not involved in anything related to terrorism.

        • cmd

          I was just talking about pundits/experts in general, not just him.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            The last terrorism expert Fox was using to hype Islamberg, NY hysteria turned out to never have worked for any federal agency and is on his way to prison for fraud.

          • cmd

            I remember that — although I hadn’t heard he was on the way to prison. Good. Unfortunately it probably didn’t faze any FOX viewers in the least. It just amazes me how many “experts” there are on TV, whose only expertise seems to be running their mouths saying stupid stuff.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            Almost all of them?

          • cmd

            Not to ignore the “analysts.” And I always try to picture the room full of people writing the stupid questions they ask.

          • DoILookAmused2u ?

            People that come in about an hour before the next broadcast/taping, hopped up on caffeine, typing furiously to create enough material to fill the next 90 minutes of broadcast time, and then sprinting to the designated smoking area?

          • cmd

            Maybe wearing those green eyeshade kind of things.

        • HolidayinCambodia

          That’s because the CIA thought that he was too incompetent to deliver an exploding cigar.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I’ll bet he “terrorizes” the green room snack bar. That should count for something, right?

      • AnOuthouse

        Is Lt. Col a great accomplishment? Seems in the middle of the pack.

        • cmd

          Is that what Oliver North was?

    • arglebargle

      A William Kristol protege.

    • AnOuthouse

      He’s currently Lindsey Graham’s lover. I read it on the internet.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    I really wish every time some home-grown, white, RWNJ shoots up some place that the regressives have been telling him is a heinous stain on society, Bamz would get on TV and really cut loose calling it out as terrorism. Wouldn’t really solve anything, but I would find it vastly satisfying, and that’s what counts.

    • PUAAN

      Didn’t that just happen in Colorado?

      • PUAAN

        Except for the calling it “terrorism” of course.

        Why?

        Cause “home-grown, white, RWNJ”
        Not brown muslin from scary country

  • Creepoman

    Even if Bamz jetted off to Paris and summarily executed a Syrian orphan on live TV, Fox would complain because he didn’t waterboard the poor bastard first.

    • willi0000000

      . . . and they would complain that he didn’t just walk across the Atlantic to do it.

      [ . . . and if he walked there they’d just bitch that he can’t even swim! ]

  • Anarchy Pony

    You know who else was a bunch of thugs?

    • Lizzietish81

      Any RPG group ever.

      • marxalot

        No, no, not thugs. “Murder hobos.”

    • marxalot

      The Committee to Re-Elect the President (Cuban chapter)?

    • Joe Beese

      These guys?

    • Count Awesome

      Wonkette (non) commenters?

    • tihond

      The 2013 San Francisco 49ers?

      • NationalGalleryofClipArt

        Kaeperlibel.

    • Creepoman

      These guys? – Oh, you said thugs . . . never mind

    • jviscont1

      Detroit Pistons circa Laimbeer/Mahorn.
      – Mike Jordan

    • AntiDerpomeme

      These guys? Oh, PUGS… never mind.

      • jviscont1

        it’s the black faces you’re overlooking.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Pug life.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      The BJP?

  • Objectifer

    Retired as an E-5? Sometime, somewhere a pooch was screwed.

    • SterWonk

      Lt. Col. is O-5, not E-5.

  • vivian

    Fox is run by, with and for deranged children.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Children libelz!

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Anger is a show of fear, you twat waffle chickenhawk.

    And calling POTUS a pussy says a lot about Fox ‘analysts’ none of it good.

    • beatbort

      I said it in an earlier threat but it fits here:
      Chicken Little, the sky is falling!

    • Kakkeltje

      Or, as they say in the Shire: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    I worked with Varney years ago; the dude is a prick.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He broadcasts his prickedness to the whole world every time he appears on camera, so much so that I could see it without having worked for him. I bet he’s a condescending twit, also, too.

  • JustPixelz

    What’s your plan future not President Trump:

    “At least I would certainly go after the wives who absolutely knew it was happening, and I guess your definition of what I’d do, I’m going to leave that to your imagination.”

    He has a point about the wives. For example, he was only able to keep his affair with Marla secret from Ivana for a few years.

    As for leaving what he’d do to the wives to our imagination, he is a fucking pig. With apologies to pigs and to fucking.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      The Donald is so tough, he is threatening wives.

      #STFUDonny

      • marxalot

        Of course, he has years of experience in this.

    • Spotts1701

      Ah, back to the Yoo Doctrine of maiming and murdering people in the name of peace and decency.

  • SnarkTank

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: If Mr. President REALLY wants to rid this country of the people doing the most damage, he should come out strongly against ingesting rat poisonvotes. Those of us who are left after the Faux Newsies and Republican National Committee scarf down a pound each might actually get some work done.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, does Fox not have the 7 second delay thing, or is it just dedicated to bleeping out when a “liberal” guest makes a good point?

    • beatbort

      Yeah, really, all snark aside, this is inexcusable.

  • clubseal

    The only answer I’ve had thus far in response to the wave of absolute ugliness I’ve seen in my fellow Americans lately was to go out and buy a bunch of tampons for the local domestic violence women’s shelter because they’re always in short supply.
    It’s really the only answer I have left – try not to be ugly in such an ugly time. It actually did work a little bit, even with the weird stares from people wondering why a guy was buying eight tons of ladypart corks.

    • Msmlg1979

      I love this. Not all men would do that. Thank you.

      • clubseal

        I may start doing it once each month. It would at least be thematically appropriate. Maybe toss in some chocolate, also too.

        • Msmlg1979

          I know men who can’t even say “period”, much less buy boxes of tampons or care that there are women doing without them. I would pay good money to see the looks on people’s faces as you roll out of the store with a cart of feminine hygiene products, chocolate bars, and Midol.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            Heating pads also, too.

          • NanBullenshede

            Motrin. England’s gift to the Crampe.

        • HuddledMass

          My goodness – kind, thoughtful, considerate and smart! (Searching for my lovely niece’s phone number here…)

    • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

      Good on yer. I think I need to follow your wholly admirable example. I’ll take suggestions from those in the know about what kind(s) to buy, brands, etc. I’m working from an epistemic disadvantage on this one, people.

      • clubseal

        I asked around first. Make sure they have applicators if they’re tampons, get ones with wings if they’re pads. I also went for quantity, so I didn’t get any of that fancy Pearl shit.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Thanks for that great idea. I’m taking a load of jackets and winter shoes to a homeless women’s shelter in Tucson this week. I’ll stop at Costco on the way and add a giant box of tampons. Never thought of that before.

  • witsended

    Thank you for a while now I have known that Varney was British, but have due to being thick thought he was this Varney.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0JCGMnKfwc

  • dslindc

    At Fox, it is also “Radical Islamic Terrorism” when someone takes the last cup of coffee and fails to brew a fresh pot like a pussy . . . even though I can’t say that in the comments because they are not allowed.

    • SessileRaptor

      It’s also Radical Islamic Terrorism when their kids leave Legos on the living room floor and when the wife has a headache.

      And don’t get them started on that fucker Carl borrowing the hedge clippers and returning them without cleaning them.

  • MrBlobfish

    Why won’t the pussies in Congress formally declare war on ISIL?

    • dslindc

      They are busy with real issues, like defunding Planned Parenthood and repealing Obamacare for the eleventy billionth time.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Because it’s easier to bitch and moan and fatmouth, and avoid votes that might get thrown in your face later on, when things go south.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      I am pretty sure I heard GOOPER Ron Johnson “explain” on NPR that one of the reasons they won’t give him an AUMF is that President is trying to trick them into them to signing an AUMF so that it ties the hands of the next President…(I may have misheard because at this point I WTF’d so hard I may have sharted)

      He also declared that Obummer bugged out of Iraq pretty much causing ISIS.

      Weird, nobody at that bastion of Libral Media™ decided to mention any old facty things, like the Bush SOFA that Obama inherited (not the upholstered kind).

      • Spotts1701

        So they want to have it both ways – refuse to give him an AUMF, and blister him for not consulting Congress about getting an AUMF.
        And the number of news sites that will actually point out this contradiction?

        • Suttree

          None of them Katy. I’m still searching for this so called liberal media but I believe I have a better chance of finding a unicorn that pisses vodka.

          • theCryptofishist

            Word of advice. Do not be taken in by the pony who pisses “vodka”.
            (Sorry, Dok.)

          • Suttree

            But I already searched through that pile of shit!

          • theCryptofishist

            May I suggest planting some roses?

          • SterWonk

            Katie Couric LIBEL!!!

  • Spotts1701

    Oh, the potty mouths on FOX News – Stacey Dash said a naughty, too!

    “I did not feel any better. I didn’t feel any passion from him, like you said Andrea. I felt like he could give a shit– excuse me, like he could care less. he could care less! And here we have fourteen people dead.”

    • elviouslyqueer

      And I could personally care less/give far less than a shit about the opinions of someone whose only claim to fame was starring as a bubble-headed bimbo alongside Alicia Silverstone in Clueless.

      • Relativicus

        That is not her only claim to fame. She’s also very attractive.

        Btw, I really dislike ugly attractive people.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          It’s so shocking when the ugliness on the inside totally ruins what’s on the outside.

          Like a biting through a glossy candy shell into a cat turd.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            So Fox News now has an official candy?

    • Suttree

      Is it just me or has she steadily been getting whiter over the years? I don’t think i could even grudge bang her at this level of stupid.

  • Cheesus Crust

    These pants-shitting assholes are the kind that, if anything vaguely scary and possibly life-threatening happened in their immediate vicinity, would be using small children and animals as shields with which to protect themselves, while screaming for their mommies.

    • marxalot

      Like the Bundy people: wimmin to the front!

  • Indiepalin

    Pussywhip: The Dessert Topping of Terrorists

    • Suttree

      Floor wax libelz!

  • beatbort

    For years, Fox News has used Wayne Simmons, a “former CIA analyst” for commentary on intelligence and terrorism matters. Turns out Simmons is not only a liar (he was never in the CIA), he’s a criminal and is facing a federal grand jury even as we speak:

    http://www.businessinsider.com/fox-news-guest-analyst-arrested-for-lying-about-working-for-cia-2015-10

    Someone please check this “Lt. Col’s” bona fides. I’m willing to bet he is, at best, an “armchair combatant” and, at worst, a complete fraud.

    • DahBoner

      He retired in 98. His specialty was the USSR. Sounds like he’s trying to fight the last war.

      • Count Awesome

        As was Condaleeza Rice as National Security Advisor.

    • Spotts1701

      Enlisted in ’76, OCS in ’80, retired in ’98. Spent most of his early career in Germany. Then military intel, Foreign Area Office (USSR) and attended Staff College. Terminal position was Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff for Intelligence Certainly doesn’t sound like a resume of someone who fired his weapon in combat.

      • eddi

        Everything he learned in the Army is now invalid. No wonder he’s a rage-a-holic. He has become totally useless and knows it.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He’s like Condoleeza Rice. All that learnin for a country that no longer exists.

    • theCryptofishist

      Can we have Fox go into some sort of frothy tailspin at their gullibility of being fooled like that? How is that respecting our trooops?

  • Joshua Norton

    Oh my. It’s really very amazing how they can constantly come up with so many different euphemisms for “uppity nig-CLANG!”

  • Relativicus

    Sure, he said “terrorism.” But can any of you truthfully say he enjoyed saying it? A-hmmmmmmm?!!?

    • Suttree

      If you don’t see crust on his mom jeans he isn’t enjoying it properly.
      -Every Fux Noise idiot evar

  • SessileRaptor

    The language is different, but the same “Tribe other side river bad! Smash with rock!” that’s bedeviled every attempt at coexistence
    Ever.

    • willi0000000

      only because their gods told their priests to tell them to do it.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Okay, Lt. Col. Anger McPissedOff, I’m gonna give you the same advice I did for One-L Fiore. Unretire your ass, grab a gun, and take the first flight over to Syria. If you’re not willing to do that to back up your “fighting” words, then shut the actual fuck up.

  • Thom

    When are we going to do something about the right’s gratuitous use of the phrase “We the people” in lieu of the correct, singular first person pronoun “I”? This is by far the most offensive thing about this story.

  • Anarchy Pony
  • DahBoner
  • Joshua Norton

    Not to be outdone…
    .

  • Bitter Scribe

    Between this and Mark Whassname calling Obama a “dick” on MSNBC, it’s clear that the media is totally in the tank for Obama.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    I’ve got an idea! How about if every time some people kill, maim, blow up, or otherwise terrify others, with the purpose of making us afraid we just call them terrorists. No prefix. Fox would hate it.

    • Suttree

      Too many pasty fuckers in that club.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        Yeah, then, also too, we’d have to admit that drones are terror machines

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Horrible person, horrible channel, so far, thank Gawd, no horrible outcomes like some wack-a-doodle viewer shooting the President – but could it be any more obvious that this is what Faux is rooting for? Imagine the ratings!
    Assholes.

  • Msgr_Moment

    This guy is such a total pussy, it’s stunning.

    Deeper and warmer than you, Sir.

  • Joshua Norton

    “In his entire remarks, he never once used the words ‘radical Islamic terrorism.’”

    They’re absolutely frothing at the mouth because Barry won’t buy into this phrase that they invented to keep their side howling and slamming against the bars of their cages.

    • Bemused

      You know, they only suggested he go one more step. He could call them radical terrorists. I mean, it’s redundant and could even apply to people doing terrorism to federal buildings or medical clinics, but it does take their feelings of needing one more descriptor into account and will help the poor Fox News anchors reach their daily recommended amount of Vitamin Adjectives.

  • JMP

    “This is a president who cares more about THUGS in Guantanamo, or THUGS in Ferguson, Missouri”

    Hey, you got your racism against black people mixed in with your racism against Muslims!

    • Billy Croissant

      Probably puts two kinds of jam on the same piece of toast, too, the wanker.

    • Suttree

      I thought all TRUE AMERICANS (TM) hated everyone who isn’t a white christian equally.

      • Slow down, there, bubba.

        Summa them so-called christians might be papists, or unitarians, or think that works can earn you into hebben.

        We WILL sort this out.
        I mean, TurboJesus loves only his chosen ones.

        • Suttree

          Ok. I have one exception also. She is my mother who is Roman Catholic. She actually gives money to the poors and poor animals and volunteers her time at soup kitchens. She is the only reason I don’t lump all religious people into one big bag of stupid hate. There are good people out there who follow the bible and the jesus.

          • nightmoth

            same here–had parents who were sho-nuff Christians,
            NOT christianist poseurs

    • Gleem-McShinez

      The GOP’s Big Tent: all the racisms can coexist here!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    So, the offense here on Faux is using a naughty word? What a bunch of fucking pussies! They ought to save their chagrin for the gazillions of untruths and the bigoted dog whistles that they whip up on the daily. That’s a far larger affront.

  • Obama won’t be really serious about destroying ISIS until he follows President Bush’s example and invades… (spins globe and points at random country on map)… Estonia.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Finally someone sees the overwhelming threat of Estonia!!!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Frankly, Grand Fenwick is much more dangerous.

        • Alex Grey

          I’m personally worried about Micronesia…

          • mailman27

            Freedonia!

          • jmk

            ♫♪ Hail, hail Freedonia!! ♪♫

    • Msgr_Moment

      No worries. The British stagclubbers have long since taken over Tallinn.

  • Callyson
    • Spotts1701

      What a shock, Thomas and Scalia wanted to hear the cases so as to strike the bans down.

    • dshwa

      I’m mildly surprised. Wonder if it was Kennedy or Roberts who was in doubt.

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Oh shit. Now how are ammosexuals supposed to feel oppressed?

    • SterWonk

      Interesting – the URL includes “supreme-court-wont-review-laws-banning-so-called-assault-weapons” (emphasis mine), but the actual title for the article is just “Supreme Court won’t review laws banning assault weapons”.

    • SterWonk

      Thomas and Scalia agreed with that. “The overwhelming majority of citizens who own and use such rifles do so for lawful purposes, including self-defense and target shooting,” Thomas wrote. “Under our precedents, that is all that is needed for citizens to have a right under the Second Amendment to keep such weapons.”

      Funny how the overwhelming majority of Muslims are peaceful, lawful, and abhor terrorism, yet they are still viewed with suspicion by Thomas and Scalia’s party.

  • AnOuthouse

    Mommy,
    What’s a pussy. Why did that man call the President a pussy?

    Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.Pussy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Pussy is something that the man doesn’t get much of, because he has no fucking idea how tough pussies actually are. See Betty White’s fine advice below in the (non-existent) comments.

    • Rex Thorne

      That’s the least-bad thing that watching Fox could do to a child’s mind.

  • AnOuthouse

    Is Miss Lindsey blowing Lt. Col. Ralph Peters or is it the other way around?

  • Anarchy Pony

    A guy calling for more use of extreme violence calling other people thugs?

    • clubseal

      It’s like his brain doesn’t know what his mouth is doing.

  • WhoDat

    Any person getting business advice from Fox Business Channel deserve to lose their life savings.

    • clubseal

      I get my business advice from Flight of the Conchords.

      • beatbort

        Sartorial advice, too. Especially from Jemaine.

    • Reddishrabbit

      Fod viewers only invest in Glen Beck gold coins.

  • Poly_Ester

    Lt. Col. Peters, (ret.) I presume. Retiring as a Lt.Col. suggests that he was drummed out.

    • Bemused

      In all fairness with no credit to Lt. Col Peters (ret.) there are a limited number of Col. positions and sometimes an Lt. Col times out before getting one even if they have been a good officer. (or he could have just retired when he got his 20). He wasn’t necessarily terrible.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Generally, to get to O-6 you need to have successfully commanded a battalion as an O-5. There aren’t a whole lot of Military Intelligence battalions around for LTCs to get a shot at commanding one. If you got assignments that didn’t include time in tactical units (not unusual for MI officers) that further degrades your chances. The promotion boards are made up mostly of combat arms officers, and if you don’t phrase your duties in your evaluation reports so that combat arms officers can grok instantly what you did, you’re at a disadvantage. Serving in combat arms units helps immensely with getting the right jargon down to reach a promotion board made up of grunts, treadheads, and cannon cockers.

      • Poly_Ester

        1st or 2nd quartile performance as a major, no. Met fhe requirements for Major, sure, why not. Given a terminal promotion.

  • DahBoner

    we’re furious!

    Hey, if FOX News commentators want to dress up in costumes and have sex, its none of my business.

    https://49.media.tumblr.com/9979355b684b4954165e6ad37d2fb178/tumblr_nuw1h8Ta5L1rx4viwo1_r1_400.gif

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      This syncs up in a scary-good way with Muse’s “Panic Station”…

  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    If I am not mistaken, wasn’t a lot of the pseudo-uproar about Benghazi about the POTUS’s people releasing unverified information too soon (or something)?

    Now had Obama declared San Bernardino an AWOOGAH!!! Level Terrorist Attack and went into fear-mongering mode, the RWNJs would have claimed that Obama orchestrated the whole thing just to scare all of us Americans into submission to his Pinko-Commie Gay Medicare Islamisist FEMA New World Power.

    • Angry and Short

      Stop with the facts!!!!

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Call me old fashioned but I kinda like pussies.

  • say wha

    That’s “Commander-in-Chief pussy” to you, sir.

  • dshwa

    Hmmm, isn’t there something in the military code about not dissing the chain of command, at least not in public? Can you court martial someone after they’ve retired?

    • willi0000000

      i’m wondering . . . can peters be reactivated and assigned to a special task force investigating the potential of radical Islamic terrorism in the sewers under the White House?

    • eddi

      He is abusing his privilege of being addressed by his former rank. He’s not the only one. But that was pretty public.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you’re retired, you’re still subject to the UCMJ.

      So, yes.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    FOX is the person in the movie gibbering uncontrollably, that someone has to slap some goddamn sense into. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER FOX *SLAP*

  • Gleem-McShinez

    I remember back when it was Outrageously Treasonous to merely suggest that it was shameful being from the same state as the President.

    I am sure that any minute now, that the Republicans will say “Thanks Obama” for allowing speech to be so free now that merely “insulting the President during a time of war” is no longer considered actually “giving aid and comfort to our enemies,” and/or “helping the terrorists win.”

    • mailman27

      Back in the late 90’s and early oughts, the Dixie Chicks did more than just about anyone had ever done to bring mainstream radio listeners over to country radio due to the crap product country radio was otherwise serving up. To this day, cuntry stations, up to and including Sirius/XM “Outlaw” Country still don’t play the Chicks. They will, however, play Hank Jr., who compared President Obama to Adolph Hitler.

      • Tansy Geek

        And who has the musical talent of a toe jam.

  • geoffalnutt

    He has obviously hired Ann Coulter as his speech writer. Originally it was ‘f*cking pussy”, though.

  • azeyote

    all you have to say are those magic words, add some magic beans, and the bible and presto change o – all is white snow flakes and mistletoe – I would have said abracadabra, but I’ not one of them –

  • Angela Ruzzo

    What would Walter Cronkite say?

    • willi0000000

      “SHUT THAT DAMN LID, I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THIS SHIT”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “And that’s the way it is…unfortunately…”

    • Steverino247

      He would be too busy in his glider during Market-Garden or shooting at the Luftwaffe while covering the 8th Air Force.

  • DahBoner
  • elviouslyqueer

    UPDATE (Must Credit EQ!): Dash AND Peters done got SUSPENDED.

    • Spotts1701

      Two weeks – means they got sidelined from the War on Christmas. Victory, comrades!

    • willi0000000

      two week suspension . . . wow!

      [ is it paid leave? . . . nah . . . they’re not cops ]

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Heh. Couldn’t happen to a nicer pair of coprophages.

    • Billy Croissant

      This just in: RWNJs call FOX Network “a bunch of pussies for giving a shit” for making a minimal effort at appearing reasonable.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hmmm…something wrong with linky.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Is fixed!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          TY! :D

    • Zippy

      FWIW they got a two week vacation

  • DahBoner

    Quick! Name 3 things that go with “Pussy” well…

    https://youtu.be/ISFAPOoefCU

    • Doug Langley

      “Galore” in the movie Goldfinger?

    • Michael Loraine

      Tom Jones! “What’s New Pussy Cat?” (Whoa-ho-wo-ho-wo-ho-o!)

    • Msgr_Moment

      Me?

  • nightmoth

    Ralph “Tiny” Peters IS a pussy.
    President Obama GETS pussy.
    FIFY

    • MyLovelyNose

      I hear he purchased his wife online.

  • The Other Tim

    Let’s go to Jim Wright from mid-November:

    Lt Col Ralph Peters
    Lieutenant Colonel. Not Colonel, not General, Lieutenant Colonel. 22 years this guy served in the US Army, almost all of it in Cold War Germany, drinking beer and twiddling his thumbs. He retired 1998. Never held command. Never served in combat. Never served in the Middle East and certainly not during anything having anything to do with the current situation which is VASTLY changed since last he put on a uniform or held a security clearance or had access to US intelligence.
    Now, he’s an “expert consultant” for Fox News and a Tom Clancy wannabe and nobody asks why if he’s such a great military expert he retired at O-5.
    But, yeah, this guy, he’s got the inside scoop, Baby, he knows more than the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES and all of our top military and political advisors. Sure.
    You wonder why Fox News viewers are such fucking idiots?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Boy, I bet his former military colleagues have some stories about him! Retiring at O-5 means nobody but nobody was sorry to see him go.

    • Steverino247

      Speaking from personal experience, the officers didn’t do shit in M.I. except brief the higher ups. The CWO’s were walking encyclopedias of intel while the NCO’s did most of the work in production. The lower enlisted did the dirty work when we went to the field (set up the camo netting, etc.) and gopher work the rest of the time. There are exceptions, of course, but at the Regimental and Divisional level, I know how it went.

    • bookish

      Yah but, he’s not askeered, YOU’RE askeered. Playground stuff.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “Today on Fox News, one of our commentators said the president is a pussy. We very much regret this choice of language and apologize. What he meant to say is that the president is a cunt. Thank you.”

  • Dan Brian

    It gets kind of sing-song after a couple of loops. https://vine.co/v/i7HWU7elMxJ

  • Michael Loraine

    We were content to call George H. W. Bush a “wimp”. But that was back in the good ole days…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Ignorant phony asshole sez what? The sewer that is Fucks Gnus is starting to back up, and it ain’t pretty.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      According to Gnus in the news; “We wouldn’t fuck any of the Fox staff with an antelopes dick”

  • m3bosha

    Dear fox news resident couch sitters, we, the American public with more than two brain cells to spare do not give a flying fuck if the POTUS uses your magic words to describe terrorists. As a matter of fact we kind it quite funny you shit yourselves over it. Daily. Just a thought, have you considered you might be being trolled my the most powerful man in the world? No? Pussies.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Obama get angry, Obama get mad
    Give me the biggest lecture I ever had
    I want a brave Preznit, I want a cave-Preznit
    Obama tell me that you care…

  • calliecallie

    Needz more FEMA camps!!!! These people have got to stop running their pissflaps.

  • Michael Christian

    The new presidential limo.

    • Msgr_Moment

      OHJB objects!

  • AlanInSF

    “Something” always works, yet Democratic Presidents insanely refuse to try it.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Proof positive that Fox “Conservatives”* are just angry and embittered because they never ever ever get the pussy.
    And they so dream of hawt nekky times with the Bamster, too.

    Note: * denotes derisiveness because there is nothing conservative about these people anymore. They’re a cheap first year student art caricature of conservatives, pandering to the basest fears of their base.

    • iGrover

      I think you are on to something there. Imagine being a guest on Fox and having all those Blonde Legs around you and knowing you can never even touch them.

      Oh the Humanity!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Fox girls don’t shave their legs?
        I like them a little better but…still don’t wanna tap em.

      • r m reddicks

        Oh, the Hannity!

  • Foxbite

    I feel obligated to chime in about how using slang for a vagina as a pejorative indicating weakness is not only sexist, it’s wholly inaccurate. Vaginas are tough as hell and incredibly regenerative. They must be mistaking them for those small, delicate, hyper temperature-sensitive, easily-injured and sob-inducing goo sacks they own.

    • theCryptofishist

      Needz moar upfists.

    • I regret that I have only one upvote to give this comment.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    Unless you are scared shitless and calling for a ban on Muslim immigrants to the U.S., you’re a pussy. Got it.

  • damanoid

    Oh god the Islamicistics are going to get us and the President just doesn’t care!!! If only Bush were still president, he kept us safe. Remember how Bush killed bin Laden? I recall it like it was just yesterday, bin Laden was laughing and cheering on the streets of New Jersey, and Bush just gunned him down and said, “Mission accomplished!” Don’t tell me what reality is, I listen to Fox News, you liberals are all high on chemtrails and treason.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Wait a minute, did you just swipe Donald Trump’s memory, The Yoogest Memory Ever (except concerning his Mafia buddies and sundry other things?)

  • veska

    The prez is kinda cute as a pussy:

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Shouldn’t he be a black cat?

      • Msgr_Moment

  • Come here a minute

    The only respectful way to refer to the president of the USA on FOX news is, of course, Mr. President Vagina Cunt.

  • lesterthegiantape

    Nothin’ wrong with pussy, Chuck.

  • TheBidenator

    Fuck Fox News and stick the network up Roger Ailes gargantuan, Blue Whale ass…that is all.

  • David Heller

    Now that women are to be allowed in all US military combat jobs, you won’t be able to use that word in foxholes, either.

    • theCryptofishist

      All the atheists sigh in relief.

    • Mark Breitinger

      Heh. Heh. You said “holes.”

      • David Heller

        If they put foxy female soldiers in there, then the term “foxhole” takes on additional meaning. :)

  • Stein Olsen

    Wait a sec! Can’t use language like that? Does Fox try to imply they have standards?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    To mention another classic Lt. Colonelism:

    PETERS: One of the many tragedies here is, had our first mixed-race president been merely competent, a bit less arrogant, a bit more capable, had he just been an average president – a Taft or a Coolidge – it would have been so great for this country. He could have brought people together. It would have been great for our image in the world.

    OK, Coolidge (and his co-average President Harding) brought on the Great Depression. Coolidge chickened out and left the bag in the hands of (the admittedly inadequate) Hoover.

    This is who Obama should aspire to be? Coolidge? Fucking goddam Coolidge?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5puwTrLRhmw

  • freakishlystrong

    Quick. Someone call Chuck Todd and Ron Fornier because remember that time the Dixie Chicks said something mean about Bush? Because both sides.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Obligatory musical accompaniment.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eJg3YT9N_c

  • They add Hasselbeck to the mix thinking it adds an air of maternal approval.

    Remove her from that scene, and it’s just a bunch of men sitting around talking about pussy.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Same as it ever was!

      • happy holidays, tiftow ! been working too much of late :-)

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          And to you and yours. Nice to see you out and about, or in and about if you are typing at home or work…

  • Well, Peters is obviously an asshole because he just fucked himself

  • dadzilla

    Very little on Faux is an accident. This is just the latest “We didn’t say it just reporting the controversy” BS. I would bet money they knew exactly what they were getting when the guests were booked, now they just have to wash their hands of responsibility of it. .

  • Eric Alan

    Regardless of how you feel about the Lt. Col’s. comment, I have to say the author of this article is one of the worst writers I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. I suppose it’s possible his opinions are valid, but we’d never know because he/she is incapable of completing a coherent sentence.

    • John McLaughlin

      You must be new here because Kaili is writing Wonkspeak.

      • Eric Alan

        I have no idea what you’re trying to say. Please be direct and speak English.

        • MyLovelyNose

          “No idea”? You must be a conservative.

          • Eric Alan

            Pissed off Democrat

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