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Sure thing, Special Agent Zoolander.
Sure thing, Special Agent Zoolander.

It was a crazy week, so of course plenty of the crazy spilled into the comments sections of our coverage of the San Bernardino shootings. Some people genuinely didn’t get what we were trying to do, which was to report confirmed information only, and not play “let’s speculate about which terrorist group these two killers are associated with before we even know their names.”

We learned some valuable lessons from our deleted commenters! Like for instance, if you stick only to information law enforcement confirms, you must be trying to make excuses for the Radical Muslim Jihadist Muslim Radical ISIS al Qaeda perpetrators who want to destroy America. Take, for instance, this reply to Thursday afternoon’s update on What We Knew For Sure at the time, from clear thinker “Lucifer666”:

Glee at Americans being murdered! By Muslims !!!!!!!! Wow libtards never cease to amaze.iNow if their was a mass shooting at the DNC I may agree

We’re not sure what part of our story he thought was “gleeful,” apart from our usual mocking of Fox News morons, which we’ll confess we enjoy greatly. Maybe it was the part where we said 14 people were killed and the number of wounded was raised to 21, or the part where the authorities reiterated that, at the time, they had not yet determined a motive, and it was still “premature to call this terrorism.” This doesn’t strike us as “gleeful,” but if you’re “Lucifer66” you may have different standards. Also, worth noting: One of the attackers had by that time been identified as an American-born American (who was, yes, a Muslim too).

We also had several comments from “B Robert,” who was aghast we were so blind to the obvious Larger Truth as we stubbornly stuck to reporting the facts as known at the time:

You must feel like a fucking moron this morning for writing an article mocking accusations of a terror attack when the FBI has now said it is a terrorist attack and that the shooters reached out to terrorists on fbi watch list and had gopro cameras to upload terror video and were muslim extremists. Now theres cum in your eye faggot

That was pretty impressive psychic work by “B Robert,” considering he commented almost a full day before the FBI actually said it was now investigating the case as terrorism. We especially like the “had gopro cameras to upload terror video,” which law enforcement specifically denied in the very update B Robert was complaining about. B Robert had some other interesting “facts” for us as well!

fbi reported their semi automatics were illegally bought and thry made bombs…not stire bought shit…stop makin excuses and deflecting the fact its muslim extremists intent on killing regardless of gun laws

Err, no. As FBI Los Angeles Assistant Director David Bowdich said Friday, the weapons were all legally purchased, although some of them were not purchased firsthand by Syed Farook. And once again, we’re astonished by the strange insistence that, by reporting only what was definitely confirmed at the time, we were “making excuses” or “deflecting” from indisputable facts which existed in the heads of Fox News anchors, but the FBI said it wasn’t yet certain of. If it make B Robert feel any better, we never said it wasn’t or couldn’t have been terrorism, or driven by radical Islamic ideology. What we said was nobody knew yet, no matter how sure they’d made themselves. Damn, we sure are insistent on covering up the facts by quoting exactly what law enforcement said was confirmed!

More of the same from “ann Smith,” an apparent fan of e.e. Cummings, who was outraged by our disgusting ignorance of obvious facts that were not confirmed by the police and FBI press conference we reported about Thursday:

The morons are YOU, the pres. and everyone who still thinks this, their apartment arsenal, their bombs, attire, were all for a workplace dispute. Guess the trip to Saudi Arabia does not fit your scenario nor does contacting radical Muslims, growing a beard, becoming more devout, etc. He should have been on a very short list of possible terrorists once he returned from SA. No one is happy these are terrorists. Keep sticking your fingers in your ears and singing la-la-la-la loudly. This is about the proliferation of guns AND terrorists among us. At the very least the FBI should be following/targeting those who are of this heritage AND who travel to regions known to foster terrorism. SA certainly fits that. Radical Muslim terrorists.

For what it’s worth, we should point out the article said nothing about the shootings being due to a workplace dispute, nor did we claim that Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik couldn’t possibly be terrorists. We do have to say we’re impressed with ann Smith’s detective skills, with which she determined every Muslim who visits Saudi Arabia is probably a terrorist. What other possible reason would a Muslim ever have for going to Saudi Arabia? And that beard thing is brilliant. Has ann Smith shared this profiling tip with the fbI?

Our piece on Donald Trump’s desire to kill the families of terrorists, including, presumably, Syed Farook’s brother, a decorated U.S. Navy veteran, was treated to some first-class fact-checking by “jatroworld,” who explained we had it all wrong:

he never said he wants to kill families.Anyway, most Presidents never do what they say so Why is everybody so afraid of Trump?

We’re impressed! Mind you, this comment came in reply to a piece which quoted Donald Trump saying “When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families!” Perhaps we missed an update where Trump clarified he meant “take them out for a hearty meal.” But Trump never said that thing he said, and besides, even if he’s elected, he won’t do what he says he will, so why are you liberals afraid of him? We suppose we might ask why, if they’re so sure Trump won’t do anything he promises, jatroworld is supporting Trump? Maybe jatroworld is infected with all-consuming cynicism, and wonders why anyone cares about anything, since this mortal world is so filled with disappointments. That wasn’t a comment. That was a cry for help.

Our piece on Carly Fiorina’s indifference to the ability of people on the terrorist watch list to purchase firearms drew this patriotic Moron Labia reply from “PawneeBill47,” who apparently thinks Yr Wonkette has the power to enact legislation:

Who the fuck are you or anyone else to tell me I have no right to defend myself. MSNBC is the whore of news, you use words against people, you change the meaning of comments to go with your agenda. What do you gain by bringing down America?

PawneeBill47 seems nice. We didn’t actually say he had no right to defend himself, merely that it might be a good idea to try to keep terrorists from buying guns. Is PawneeBill47 a terrorist? (Ha! Ha! Look how we changed the meaning of his comment to go with our agenda!) PawneeBill47 was joined in the Butthurt Box by “JoeSixPacks,” who is such an extraordinarily everyday guy that he gets multiple six-packs. He concurred with PawneeBill47 about the terrible shape America is in:

It seems to me that the left’s very systematic taking control of our language by making crimes against political correctness, simply the act of using certain words, racially charged phrases a federal hate crime at worst, or maybe simply getting one fired from their job and ostracized by your community. Now isn’t it convenient that what used to be the standard vigilance, “see something, say something!” Is now too politically incorrect to provide intelligence on future acts of violence. Someone who actually saw the pipe bomb factory was too afraid of being labeled a racist. How many lives could have been saved if not for the fear that the tyrannical left has placed upon average Americans?

Oh, such oppression! You might be accused of a hate crime, or people might look at you funny; same thing! You want to know what a crime against free expression looks like, you poor delicate flower? How about a Turkish doctor facing two years in prison for a Facebook photo comparing the Turkish president to Gollum?

PawneeBill47 also took exception to another commenter (which we don’t allow) on the same piece who said something about “militia morons”:

“Military morons”, die motherfucker, the framers had a better set of balls than you. You delusional prick, that “military” has protected your right to be stupid for centuries. I have a high level of hatred for your level of stupid.

By golly, that insult to the brave fighting men and women of America’s armed forces could not go unanswered, because damned if PawneeBill47 can spell.

And finally, another fact-free fact check from a Donald Trump fan, “tony newbill,” who offered a bunch of videos to prove Donald Trump’s alternative reality is TRUE. Because we love our readers, we’ll include only the links, rather than embedding the videos on our nice clean Dear ShitFerBrains:

American Muslims celebrating 9/11

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5BtQgTGOI4

https://youtu.be/WOSHX4VREV8

Why Palestinians Want This Video Removed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xU9CauJP4Pg

Donald Trump Is Right About Muslims Celebrating 911 Terrorist Attack

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=331UwvFS67k

there is a
clip in this one that you probably saw Mr. Trump !!!!!!!
VIDEO PROOF
Muslims dancing & celebrating after hearing about 9/11 (CNN news) ACTUAL
NEWS FOOTAGE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-p1LEBAujE

And again because we love our readers, for the sake of accuracy, we looked at all five of the videos and saw not a single shot of “Thousands of Muslims” dancing in the streets of Jersey City, Paterson, or indeed anywhere. The very last video is the only footage of Muslims celebrating on 9/11/01, and even that footage — from East Jerusalem — shows only a small crowd, probably fewer than 100 people. On the other hand, several of the videos do have the title “American Muslims Celebrating 9/11,” so isn’t that proof enough Trump is right?

There’s no video of “Thousands of Muslims” dancing in the streets of New Jersey on 9/11 because it never happened. We’re so sure of it that if anyone can provide us with such a video, we’ll happily buy ’em a copy of Trump: The Game from eBay. And no, clumsily edited videos intercutting news footage with crowd scenes from biblical epics, monster movies, Bollywood musicals, or My Little Pony don’t count. But if they’re funny, we might send a tote bag your way. If you have the video that’ll blow the lid off the media’s suppression of all those Muslims celebrating 9/11 in Jersey City, load that sucker to YouTube and send the URL to doktorzoom at-sign wonkette dot com. Fame awaits you.

Finally, a Wonkette Programming Note: President Obama will be giving a speech from the Oval Office on San Bernardino and the administration’s counterterrorism strategy Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. Eastern. Yr Wonkette will be here to livestream the video and throw in a livebloggy comment or two. Then Monday, we’ll have more updates on what we know for sure, and why Fox News is outraged that the President hasn’t nuked anyone yet.

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  • coozledad

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbYtASAakAI

    You know what they were dancing about in Kenya?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      ZZ Top?

      • Playonwords

        But who’s the bottom?

    • Beezelbubbles

      They found Obama’s long form birth certificate?

    • doktorzoom

      Narwhals?

      • coozledad

        Forget ’em!

        • doktorzoom

          As everyone who’s heard the song knows, that’s not true. That’s IMPOSSIBLE!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc

          • bobbert

            Need moar “Mushroom”.

          • Anarchy Pony

            Fat Labrador, big fat Labrador!

    • Msgr_Moment

      Kenya, Kenya, Kenya, Kenya….

      Kenya diggit?

      • coozledad

        For some reason this reminds me of the old psychedelic “Payday” nut bar ad. “Everybody likes Payday-nuttiest bar in town.” I’m probably misremembering the production values, but as a kid I thought it was pretty slick.

  • Spotts1701

    Why is it that the ones who scream “more guns” are the ones I wouldn’t trust with anything more dangerous that this?

    • coozledad

      They’re pulling those things out of Republican asses at ERs across the country.

    • LarkintheAM

      Hell, I wouldn’t even trust them with those.

  • jviscont1

    what was the name of that other mid east guy from years ago who grew a beard and became devout?

    • cynmac

      Cat Stevens?

    • Lizzietish81

      Muhammad?

    • Vegan and Tiara

      ZZ Top?

    • coozledad

      Dennis Miller?

      • Zippy

        devout, not dumb demagogue

        • Brendan_M

          You and jviscont1 have to get gay married/give each other some coke now.

          • Zippy

            WHY NOT BOTH?

      • jviscont1

        I said devout, not devoid.

        • Brendan_M

          You and Zippy have to get gay married/give each other some coke now.

    • Zippy

      Hitler?

    • Sheepshagger

      Al Gore?

    • w9anthimos

      Osama bin Sleeping with the Fishes?

    • JustPixelz

      That Muslim Duck Dynasty guy?

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      My neighbor who attends the church of east side hipster?

    • Msgr_Moment

      John Stewart?

      EDIT: Yes, Disqshit. I know I already made this comment. ffs.

      • Duckbudder

        My cousin Steve.

    • Kakkeltje

      Santa?

  • Lizzietish81

    To be fair, beards are generally a sign of evil

    http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0039.html

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Also a good indicator that you fancy yourself a hipster, or you’re a lady who’s part of a traveling circus, or that you’re a hermit who lives in the woods and dreams about shooting up Planned Parenthood clinics.

      • Tansy Geek

        To be fair, also having a weak chin, living in colder climates and being part Sasquatch. Also surviving a zombie apocalypse and living on desert islands.

        • Notreelyhelping

          I grew my first beard in college, dealing with finals, no time to do anything extra. Didn’t bother shaving during the break. Came back in January and ran into a friend. We’d been kind of circling each other, coming close, but…. She murmured something like: “Your eyes. Makes your eyes stand out, like, like…your eyes.” And then she made a noise akin to a cat zeroing in on a sparrow.

          Had the beard ever since.

          • gedjcj

            Mrs ged likes the beard (Ma Ged didn’t), the grandged likes the beard, and anyway the last time I shaved it off I discovered i had developed jowls, so…

        • theCryptofishist

          At least after you’ve used your razor for slicing cake.
          Oh, you said desert, sorry.

    • Zippy

      that’s not good news for Michele

    • Thepeoplevs.

      They also provide valuable habitat
      http://cs618228.vk.me/v618228678/1b93/hxEPrZT4ELg.jpg

    • w9anthimos

      I wear a beard because I don’t like to shave. Also as a sign of solidarity with all my evil friends.

    • JustPixelz
      • Dude’s a psycho. Just look at those dead eyes. Still, he’s got a metal logo.

      • JH Marx

        Middle Eastern ✔

        Bearded ✔

        Terrorist! ✔

      • SnarkTank

        Yeah, but more Semitic. The only Middle East this guy has seen is Ohio.

    • willi0000000

      or goog “the trustworthiness of beards” and take your pick . . . some of us, of the bearded persuasion, are actually quite trustworthy.

      [ note to self: shave neck . . . getting itchy ]

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And, if you have a beard, your kids and grandkids won’t be afraid of Santa. It’s the beard that freaks little kids out.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My wife has never seen me without a beard. When she met my older brother, who looks like me but without a beard, she said, “If you ever shave off your beard, I won’t have sex with you until it grows back.”

      You don’t mess with shit like that.

    • No one’s smoking. How evil can they be?

    • gedjcj

      I never did trust that Gandalf guy…

    • gedjcj

      Me evil? Maybe, but it’s the fun kind!

  • Vecciojohn

    We’re laughing at you, not with you. Because you’re stupid. And we hate you. Now give me your lunch money or I’ll pants you in the cafeteria, you little fucknose.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      You need to end that with “now there’s cum in your eye, faggot.” To show both moral superiority and a grasp of the English language.

      • Zippy

        as they say in the Shire…

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “Now theres cum in your eye faggot”
    Promises, promises, that’s all we get from these trolls.

    • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

      Is it too hard to ask for grammatically correct porn from our trolls?

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Bah, my eye faggots are cum-free.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Yes.

      • theCryptofishist

        Sure, your try being grammatically correct while you’re coming to the hot, hot sex you can only have with a forbidden partner,

    • Zippy

      “Now there’s cum in your eye faggot”

      WORST WEDDING TOAST EVER!

      • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

        I call “Best Wedding Toast Ever”

        • Zippy

          not according to Scalia

        • Thepeoplevs.

          Run, dont walk and get that trademarked, copyrighted, patented…

      • Okay at the bachelor party, though.

  • MyDogsAreSmarterThanYou

    Beards are a sign of terrorist associations? Good thing for me “No Shave November” is over.

  • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

    If Wonkette can enact legislation, I have some suggestions for you, starting with lifting the ban on cats in Congress.

    • theCryptofishist

      I for one welcome our feline overlords.

  • Anarchy Pony

    The raw, dumb vitriol is just staggering. Fuck you, deleted commentors, you are everything wrong with America and humanity all at once.

    • Zippy

      they’re just so fucking dumb- not one of them is apparently capable of anything resembling complex thought or nuance. The entire world is reduced in their minds to a black and white binary decision.

      • AntiDerpomeme

        And they definitely like the white the bestest.

  • thewitchqueen74

    “Military morons”, die motherfucker, the framers had a better set of balls than you. You delusional prick, that “military” has protected your right to be stupid for centuries. I have a high level of hatred for your level of stupid.”

    • coozledad

      I have a high level of hatred for your level of stupid. My level of stupid, on the other hand, gives me inner peace.

      • thewitchqueen74

        That wasn’t my comment. That was one of the deleted comments that I quoted.

        • coozledad

          Oh, I know. i was just finishing it for him.

          • thewitchqueen74

            Oh, okay, lol. Yeah, I don’t know how these people function, honestly…

  • Vecciojohn

    You know who else grew a beard?

    • thewitchqueen74

      Joaquin Phoenix?

    • Suse

      David Letterman? Jon Stewart?

    • Zippy

      famous jihadist Jon Stewart?

    • Lizzietish81

      Any character going through a crazy phase

      • Brendan_M

        Paul Ryan is getting even crazier?!?!

      • JustPixelz

        What about Michele Bachmann? WAIT! She is a beard.

    • thewitchqueen74

      Randy Quaid?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Me? It’s trimmed short, but still.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      All members of ZZ Top?

      • GDleftyPart2

        Except the guy NAMED Beard…go figure.

    • jviscont1

      Justin Bieber’s last dream.

    • Doug Langley

      Samson?

    • doktorzoom

      Not Lindsey Graham, so far…

      • Amy!

        He’d have to marry, rather than grow his, wouldn’t he?

    • kaw143

      Doktor Zoom?

      • Zippy

        We’re all ZDOOOMED!!!!

    • Swampgas_Man

      I SWEAR I’m shaving it any day now, it’s just that I keep running out of hot water in the morning before work.

    • witsended

      Brisket Palin.

    • stevola

      Al Gore

    • JustPixelz

      Ibrahim Lincoln?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You SO win.

    • nightmoth

      Those christianist homophobes on Duck Dynasty?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This guy (on the right?)

    • Left Coast Tom

      Evil-Spock?

      • BJW

        Evil HOT Spock!

    • jmk

      A substantial portion of American men in the month of November?

    • Aaron Hotchner?

    • Msgr_Moment

      John Stewart?

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Karl Marx?

    • data_ninja

      Commander Riker?

      • Playonwords

        Evil Spock

    • John Smith

      Orly Taitz?

    • Your mom?

      • Vecciojohn

        That’s not what your mother said last night!

  • Left Coast Tom

    We do have to say we’re impressed with ann
    Smith’s detective skills, with which she determined every Muslim who
    visits Saudi Arabia is probably a terrorist.

    If only there were some product wingnuts could boycott in order to express their displeasure with Saudia Arabia.

    • Vecciojohn

      You mean our gallant ally Saudi Arabia? Why, you should have your hand cut off for such disrespectful speech.

  • GDleftyPart2

    “Now theres cum in your eye faggot”….
    I’d like to respond to this poster (which I know is not allowed) but he’s probably at church today…

    • Vecciojohn

      In parts of Scotland the traditional New Year’s toast is “May ye come in th’ ee o’ a faggot”

      True story.

      • doktorzoom

        As they say in the Shire

      • Sheepshagger

        In my experience the more traditional Scots New year greeting is “wargh ya fooking lawking at ya vsjlkd cont firk ( vomit).

        • Vecciojohn

          I’ll kick ye square i’ the bagpipes!

          • NanBullenshede

            Punt, love, punt.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Then the Iggy Pop starts playing.

      • Playonwords

        David Cameron was probably a fag at school. (short for “factotum”)

  • cousin itt

    “When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families!”

    I don’t always take a family out but when I do, I prefer Asians.

    • Zippy

      Happy family

      • coozledad

        Sizzling, no less.

        • LarkintheAM

          Just stay away from the fingered citron.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Happy [family reality show] ending.

    • jviscont1

      the restaurant bill after a night out with Duggars would bankrupt me.

      • Msgr_Moment

        With 19 you get egg roll.

    • Vecciojohn

      That’s why he’s the most interesting itt in the world.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I honestly didn’t read the entire wing-tard section of this post. But I would like to note for those gun humpers out there, the U.K. Had a terror attack this weekend as well. It involved some shithead and a knife. He was able to INJURE 3 people before being apprehended ALIVE by UK police. That versus 2 psychotics fuck-wits who managed to get their hands on enough ammo and weapons to overthrow a small country and then decided to shoot up a holiday party her in the US. And to just add a cherry on top British police have only had to kill 1 person this entire year versus nearly 800 here in the US. Gun control in this country would have stopped this tragedy from happening!!! Despite what you fuck-wads think, the Paris massacre is the EXCEPTION and not the “rule” in Europe! Do some God damn research you inbred, shit stained, turd rockets!!!

    • Vegan and Tiara

      If only there was some solution to gun violence…

      • Thepeoplevs.

        Gun violence will end when we invent a faster and more effective way of killing each other…

        • Swampgas_Man

          Ever see SCANNERS?

          Naw, it’d never work– pulling a trigger takes much less time and concentration.

    • GDleftyPart2

      But actual research kills the bullshit talking points dead….

    • kaw143

      You see, the fact that someone in another country was able to injure people with a knife is clear proof that gun control laws don’t work. Uh, somehow.

      • Vecciojohn

        Never bring a knife to a knife fight, I always say. Bring a gun. Stupid Brits.

    • witsended

      They did taser the poor guy before arresting him. Also it has not been the main news story all day, because we have had a bit of wind and rain here and you know how we love talking about the weather.

      • Playonwords

        If this carries on Cumbria will have another “1,000 year” flood 6 years after the last.

        • witsended

          Many happy memories of Dent in Cumbria, from the mid 60s to when the area was discovered by the rich in the mid to late 70s.
          Family member had inherited a small two up two down in the village that we used.
          Mike Harding lived locally and would often hold court in the Sun.

          • Playonwords

            Best Beloved comes from Cockermouth (insert dirty joke here – or possibly there)

          • witsended

            I worked in an area of Birmingham called Acocks Green.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Thank you. I start to feel numb and hopeless after a week or 2 of massacres (& not terribly unhappy that the Canadian dollar is so low I’m not tempted to visit) Your anger is bracing.

  • Sheepshagger

    I dunno, this guy went to Saudi and came back pretty radicalised….

    • Left Coast Tom

      I went to New Zealand and…well…I guess I just came back with 6 bottles of Pinot Noir.

      • Zippy

        no sheep?

        • Thepeoplevs.

          Love ’em and leave ’em…
          Besides, without a fiance visa it is a pain to get them thru quarantine

        • Left Coast Tom

          I did come back with dehydrated lamb backpacking food. Dehydrated venison, also, too.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          As long as you use appropriate protection, and don’t come back with a case of crotch kiwis.

          • Vecciojohn

            An Australian once told me most Kiwis are fruits.

          • AntiDerpomeme

            Most, but not koala ’em.

          • Vecciojohn

            Some of ’em are just wallabies.

        • Vecciojohn

          How many times do you have to be told? No goddamn sheep!

      • Sheepshagger

        No Double Brown?

        • Left Coast Tom

          Had to google that…I was on the other island, Emerson’s was pretty good, Speight’s was the “found everywhere” beer.

      • Doug Langley

        Sure, that’s what you think . . . until someone shows you the Queen of Diamonds . . .

        • Lizzietish81

          How about a game of solitaire?

      • Notreelyhelping

        I went to Juarez and came back with a headache that I wished would kill me.

        • Zippy

          if that’s all you came back with, consider yourself lucky

    • coozledad

      I can tell by the way he holds his dick he needs a new eyewear prescription.

      • NanBullenshede

        It appears that all three old men have uncomfortable catheters?

    • Zippy

      I blame international plane flights- they tend to make people quite cranky

    • Msgr_Moment

      Ecce homo, ergo elk.

      • Playonwords

        Icky homo, shorely …

        • PUAAN

          Don’t call me Shorely…

  • GDleftyPart2

    Ya know, I’d just like to give FOXPAC a shout out for instilling fear and insanity through the teevee box…
    I’ve spent the last 3 days taking calls from my elderly mother worried about some family members driving through California heading for Oregon.
    I had to explain to her three fucking times that the terrorists are dead and not on I-5 and I finally just said to please turn off the news, they are scaring you for no reason.
    Fuck you FOXPAC, you suck.

    • Vecciojohn

      Fuck you, buddy, we got adult diapers to sell.

      • Zippy

        and guns and gold

      • GDleftyPart2

        Wifey works in a local hospital out Sun City way and says she can instantly tell what type she’ll be dealing with by the TV before she enters.
        Guess what channel is on when the people end up being angry assholes with medicare demanding things while bitching about socialized medicine?
        Ayup, the # 1 channel with entitled assholes.

    • Zippy

      the good news is- it’s reversible. After my mom’s Fox watching husband died she stopped relentlessly watching that crap. She’ll always be a republican and dislike Bamz, but about 85-90% of the wingnuttery went away.

      • theCryptofishist

        Then we must assemble a commando team and take out fox. It is the only way to bring us back to when Amerka was great.

    • Swampgas_Man

      You could add that California is a MUCH bigger place than just San Bernardino.

      • kaw143

        But it’s the only city named in that song! That must mean it’s pretty much the entire state!

        • GDleftyPart2

          The only thing I can’t get out of my head is FZ’s SanBerdino….

          I’ve been looking for a terrorist named Bobby with a head shaped like a potato……

          • Zippy

            Camarillo Brillo libul!!1!

        • theCryptofishist

          What song? I Left my Heart on the Road to the Streets of?

  • Joshua Norton

    Geez, gun nuts. Calm down. No one’s gonna come over to your timeline and knock the NRA’s dick out of your mouth.

  • Vecciojohn

    I had to ride the bus downtown last week and a Muslim woman got on the bus. I was scared at first, but lucky for me I got out the back door at the next stop before she saw me.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Megan Kelly wants to interview you tomorrow on the Teevee for some common-sense tips for other viewers. Make sure to mention how you FREAKED OUT before fleeing for your life.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        So, if I dip a cookie into milk now, the terrorists win?

    • thenearesthippie

      A few days ago I was grocery shopping when a rather elderly Muslim woman asked me to read the expiration date on a carton of milk. I read it for her, and when she still seemed uncertain, I told her the milk was good for two weeks (or whatever it was). She was so grateful. When I got outside, I called the FBI. I mean

      • Zippy

        I would have shot her in the produce section, just to be sure…

        • Brendan_M

          You must be a Liberty grad.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Wounds to the produce section can be especially painful.

        • w9anthimos

          “If you see something, shoot something.”. – DHS/NRA

        • riledupone

          Is that a torso shot?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Breaking the fourth wall: nice writing. Set up, pitch, and over the back wall.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I am disappointed my wingnut didn’t appear to make the list.

    “You can NEVER have too many guns or too much ammo” alone, I would think, deserve honorable mention.

    If nothing else, he is a candidate for a most interesting episode of “Hoarders”.

    Plus he did all the nice Christiany calling everybody “faggot” thing.

    • LarkintheAM

      Yeah. And how about that guy from Singapore (allegedly) who posted all the ultra-racist anti-Obama memes – doesn’t he deserve a dishonorable mention, too?

      • Zippy

        no, he sucked

        • Msgr_Moment

          Wonkette must have standards, or else we would have to allow comments.

    • jmk

      I know what you mean – I’m still entertaining the same wingnut I’ve been saddled with for the last month or more. He didn’t make the list way back then, either, despite being completely fucking delusional…so I had to remind myself that many are called, but only few are chosen.

      • theCryptofishist

        I can’t wait until this year’s inductions into the Wonkette Wingnut Hall of Fame.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I do not have enough generosity in my soul to claim that I protected the right of PawneeBill47, or anyone else, to be stupid, but I went and hung around while the infantry protected — I believe this sincerely — Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society because if the conservatives of the day could have argued that LBJ “lost” Vietnam the way Truman “lost” China they would have had the power to abort the Geat Society, specifically including Medicare and Head Start and school lunches and other things and may well have been able to roll back the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act — but PawneeBill47 is probably too stupid to place any value on any of that stuff and BTW, at least in my time, it was the quiet ones who went off to protect PawneeBill47’s right to be stupid.

    (This is “stream of consciousness” which is actually a cool kind of prose.)

    • Thepeoplevs.

      It doesnt rhyme and I cant dance to it…

      • kaw143

        So it’s by Kraftwork, then?

        • Zippy

          Nickelback

      • thenearesthippie

        Have you tried fapping to it?

        • Thepeoplevs.

          Not without proper lubrication

      • Vecciojohn

        You don’t dance to stream of consciousness writing. You just snap your fingers and say, “heavy duty shit, man” when it’s over.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And put on a little “Kind Of Blue”.

          • Vecciojohn

            Miles Smiles.

    • Playonwords

      … the power to abort the Geat Society

      Grendle’s Mother Libelz!!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “It seems to me that the left’s very systematic taking control of our language by making crimes against political correctness, simply the act of using certain words, racially charged phrases a federal hate crime at worst, or maybe simply getting one fired from their job and ostracized by your community. Now isn’t it convenient that what used to be the standard vigilance, “see something, say something!” Is now too politically incorrect to provide intelligence on future acts of violence. Someone who actually saw the pipe bomb factory was too afraid of being labeled a racist. How many lives could have been saved if not for the fear that the tyrannical left has placed upon average Americans?”

    …ok seriously FUCK THIS GUY with a steel studded donkey cock!!! Oh! Just because you can’t come out and call someone a nigger, fag, bull dyke, spic or rag head, it’s because of “political correctness?!?! No you wet shit stain it’s called being a decent human being!!! This is probably the same StormFront commenter that makes a big stink about a black guy calling a police officer that is beating the ever loving shit out of him a “honky”! Because of “reverse racism”!!! Tell you what you bag of clown farts, how about you stick a telephone pole up you ass!!

    ETA: Doc is really pushing my buttons on this football Sunday!!!

    • LarkintheAM

      I blame Obama.

      • Land Shark

        … as they say in the Shire.

      • BMW

        #thanksobama

      • Vecciojohn

        I’m already blaming Hillary.

        • Zippy

          Hell, I’m getting in on the ground floor and blaming Chelsea

          • jmk

            Be proactive… blame Charlotte.

          • Doug Langley

            And her web.

          • Zippy

            oh, Wilbur…

          • Vecciojohn

            Ain’t no flies n you, brother.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Well, I blame Socks the cat. He is black and white.

          • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

            NO MOAR CAT LIBELZ!!!!

        • AntiDerpomeme

          #blametheBern

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          Blame the Bern 2016. It can happen! Make it happen!

    • Anarchy Pony

      That guy’s building one hell of a straw man.

      • theCryptofishist

        It should burn nicely, though.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Now if we can put him in it…

      • Msgr_Moment

        If he only had a brain.

        • Amy!

          … a heart …

          • PUAAN

            The noive…

    • TheBidenator

      Clearly it is desegregation, er the Civil Rights Act, uhm….political correctness that is a cancer in this country!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      He seems worried someone will ask him, “Who did you see working in the pipe bomb factory? Can you describe them?”

      He’ll answer, “Yes, they were a couple of—. I mean if I could use one word it would be—. Shoot! I know exactly how to describe them but I can’t say it!”

      And then the terrorists win.

  • Joshua Norton

    This is about the proliferation of guns AND terrorists among us.

    Of course, the GOP Congress wants you to know they made sure that terrorists keep the right to carry a gun. Probably because of that “well regulated militia” thing.

    • Thepeoplevs.

      If we ever are invaded by rusty washing machines and broken televisions, I know our local militia will be ready

      • Zippy

        the Maytag Militia, the loneliest militia ever…

        • Suttree

          Is that because of their stinky blue cheese breath?

          • theCryptofishist

            Or maybe their oddly brewed beer…

          • Suttree

            Mmmmm, Anchor Steam……

    • JustPixelz

      Terrorists who haven’t committed a crime have the right to bear arms. What part of “shall not be infringed” don’t the wing nuts understand?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      You know, the husband/wife team in SB bought their guns legally and seemed pretty damned well regulated. Just sayin’.

  • Joshua Norton

    that “military” has protected your right to be stupid for centuries.

    Yeah. I think I’ll pass, thanks anyway.

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      If one of the big ones gets shot, none of the other ones are going to even try to carry him to get medical care.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        OTOH, if one of the skinny ones gets shot, neither of the big ones will be any use carrying him. So basically, this is a death or three in the forest waiting to happen.

        • riledupone

          But if no one is there to record the deaths, will they make a sound?

        • John Smith

          Whichever one gets shot, they have food for the siege.

      • Zippy

        They’ll just slice him open like a Tauntaun and hide in him…

        • AntiDerpomeme

          And you thought rhet smelled bad on the outside!

      • theCryptofishist

        But like Custer’s horses, they can lie behind them and use them for breastworks…

    • gene108

      You know why the founders wanted state militias? Because they were shit scared of a large, like we have now, standing Army controlled by the Federal government.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Shay’s Rebellion, then the Whiskey Rebellion (etc) put an end to all of that.

      • tomamitai

        Actually, the slave states were afraid that anti-slave elements in the federal government might refuse to call up the militia to put down slave rebellions if they put them under the total control of the central government.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Worst Charlie’s Angels reboot. Ever.

      • Doug Langley

        The Z Team.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          “Angels, there’s rumors of trouble at The Golden Corral. I need you to investigate.”

          • coozledad

            We’ll let Mr.Titfuck handle it, He’s got a lifetime salad bar pass.

          • Doug Langley

            “Forget it, Charlie. The tips suck.”

    • w9anthimos

      Sylvester Stallone will be your designated role model.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …and as your official black Florida correspondent I feel the need to post this atrocity that occurred yesterday!

    This was about 12 different kinds of fucked up! I can tell you that Miami Beach police officers are the biggest shithead cops in S.Florida(followed by a close 2nd by Hialeah PD). That being said, this was cold blooded murder:

    -This guy is obviously either high as a kite or cookoo for coco puffs!!!
    -Why the fuck do you need an AR-15 to deal with a guy with a razor blade?!
    -The cops know this guy obviously didn’t have a “bomb”, otherwise the BOMB SQUAD would be dealing with him and not a couple of random officers standing 5 feet away from him.
    -It looks like one of the officers tazed the guy a split second before officer Rambo lit him up
    -And for those random shit head trolls that always say “you don’t know all the facts”; FUCK THE FACTS. This guy was executed, that is the only “fact” I need to know!!!

    And just for context; today in London a man who stabbed 3 people in the subway was subdued ALIVE. As a matter of fact, British police have killed just one person this entire year vs. nearly 800 people killed by police in America this year. This guy was an asshole criminal, but that isn’t enough to warrant getting blown away in the middle of the street.
    http://youtu.be/DXUi4XoBRqk

    • Anarchy Pony

      FFS, they couldn’t just taze the guy?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …they did, it looks like when he tightened up from having 10,000 volts pulsing through his body, the cop with the AR-15 felt his life was threatened and decided to aerate his body!!!

    • theCryptofishist

      Those wimpy Bobbies are underachievers…

    • Jenny

      WOW. He moved towards the police car so that is a threat? I mean the fucking car was between them. Ridiculous. That one officer on the far left looked shocked. And yes, what’s with the rifles?

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …do you know what a wash and wax cost down here in Miami?!?!

    • Msgr_Moment

      He was still in one piece as he fell. Where were their AK-47s???

    • willi0000000

      the second burst, when he was down, clearly indicates intent . . . prosecute the fuck out of that buttwipe cop!

  • nightmoth

    Are most of the shit-fer-brains trolls who post on here nearly illiterate or are they all drunk typing? As most of them would say, “Speak English!!”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Illiterate. Wonkers do our fair share of drunk typing, but it is always coherent and succinct.

      • Thepeoplevs.

        it sucks having to blow into a tube before your keyboard unlocks

        • John Smith

          That’s what she said.

          Sorry, been a while since I heard that one.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Spik for yerself…

        • theCryptofishist

          You misspelled yersif.

          • willi0000000

            ..and fur.

          • riledupone

            No fur-PETA

          • Zippy

            Yersif?

            Sounds Muslin…

      • tomamitai

        I only ever sucked one cinct during a very brief experimental phase when I was in school, and I see no need for you to bring it up now.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        True dat . You wouldn’t believe the times spell check has told me pendantic is rong. Ass if.

    • riledupone

      No, most of them say,”Speak ‘merican” and they are generally the worst offenders when it comes to spelling and grammar and other such niceties of written communication.

  • Brendan_M

    To be fair to Lucifer (PBUH), he was trying, and failing, to reply to a comment made about the gleeful/insane coverage on FOX.

  • Glee At Americans Being Murdered!

    I’ve never watched Glee, but this sounds like a very weird episode from what I’ve heard.

    • Vecciojohn

      I’ve never seen Glee but I know there was a tall, scary lesbian on the show. So maybe the NSA should tap her phone.

      • tomamitai

        So maybe the NSA should tap her phone.

        Which reminds me, why didn’t our esteemed intelligence community notice these assholes were amassing a shit ton of ammo as well as bomb making supplies and were intent on waging jihad? Were they too busy looking at dick pics and titty shots to notice that the wife pledged her allegiance to ISIS on her fucking facebook page? How much further up everybody’s ass do they need to be before they can stop an attack that doesn’t involve one of their own paid informants entrapping some idiot?

        • Vecciojohn

          Sorry, I wasn’t listening to you.

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          Its much more fun to entrap some pathetic souls who couldn’t plan their way out of a wet paper bag, never mind carry out an actual terror plot, than to do some actual investigation.

        • doktorzoom

          Tracking massive ammo purchases would violate the Holy Second Amendment somehow, probably.

        • Playonwords

          I would guess, given the utter failure of the pipe bombs, that they got all their information from Survivalist websites.

        • theCryptofishist

          But that worked perfectly on 9/11. And with Judy Bari also too.

  • DahBoner


    Now theres cum in your eye faggot

    What’s the most frequently overheard pickup line at the Republican Convention for $100, Alex?

    https://media3.giphy.com/media/xGYuJ1TQt1iSs/200w_d.gif

    • Brendan_M

      “Wanna see my Nazi memorabilia and pray together in my hotel room?”

    • TheBidenator

      “I have a wide stance”
      “So do I”

    • D_C_Wilson

      “Would you lift my luggage?”
      “Sure thing, Mr. Santorum.”

    • sw19womble

      I have $100?

  • rocktonsam

    what we are dealing with is radical American conservatism.
    led by fox news. fox news uses media to broadcast its radical conservative ideas.
    they must be stopped. but how?1?/!!1???

    • Zippy

      more guns?

    • Thepeoplevs.

      Bibles?

    • sw19womble

      Itching powder down their undies?

      • rocktonsam

        I likey, however that could confuse them with that large stick up their ass…

  • gene108

    With all this gun control rhetoric ratcheted up to 11, how is are the gun rights lobbying groups going to be able declare a white supremacist bragging on-line about amassing their weapon horde for the upcoming race war someone will surely be able to set off by killing a lot of (black) people, as just peacefully exercising their Second Amendment rights?

    I mean gun humpers turned Randy Weaver and family into innocent martyrs for the cause. No excuses justifying law enforcement like, “Randy Weaver had just shown up to his court date, the U.S. Marshals would not have tried to bring him in” or “if Randy hadn’t been selling sawed off shot guns to white supremacists, he would not have been arrested in the first place” the way many have done to justify George Zimmerman (only if Trayvon had been respectful to his elders, nothing would have happened to him) or Officer Wilson killing Michael Brown ( if only the thug Brown kid did what the officer told him and get off the road, nothing bad would have happened, along with the endless forms of public character assassination of Brown via the media).

    I mean if strict gun control becomes law, how will the (white supremacists) gun humpers stockpile weapons for the upcoming (race war) open carry display of defending the Second Amendment.

    Edit: Not all gun humpers are white supremacists, but their is an overlap, where the NRA, GOA, etc provide cover for criminals, along with other right-wing groups, such as Fox News initial celebration of Cliven Bundy not paying his taxes.

  • TheBidenator

    I love how the little fuckers are so endlessly butthurt over not being able to just use racial slurs and stereotypes as they wish without being called out for being racist, bigoted rectal cysts that they must continuously whine about it….sniffle all you want you inbred pieces of shit.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    There was a blurb in the local paper this a.m. about a Patriot in Phoenix accidentally shooting himself with the weapon he had just purchased at a gun show. Article said the gun somehow “went off”. I’m no expert, so help me out here…how often do guns just go ahead and fire away all by their damn selves?

    • D_C_Wilson

      Only when they’re in the hands of a moron.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Or when they are shoddily made by morons for other morons.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I guess I’ve always assumed that said morons simply never bother to check if the gun is loaded before pulling the trigger while looking down the barrel. It sounds a little better to say “it just went off!”.

          • theCryptofishist

            Standard use of passive voice to avoid responsibility, no, no irony there.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            This comment just posted itself.

          • theCryptofishist

            That upfist would like to bump itself up higher.

          • riledupone

            An oldie, but appropriate-

          • theCryptofishist

            It is the classic of the genre.

    • willi0000000

      see . . . guns, by themselves, don’t kill people, they just wound them.

      [ just be glad your guns aren’t better shots . . . and keep them unloaded ]

  • DahBoner
  • Vecciojohn

    I want my language back! Language stealing leftists.

    • theCryptofishist

      We are forcing you to adopt a language with 7 declensions! Bwahahaha!

      • Msgr_Moment

        How pro-vocative!

      • Vecciojohn

        I was promised no Semitic roots. And none of them funny alphabets!

  • TheBidenator

    You know it’s funny, 89 Americans die every single day from guns…89. The Paris attacks as spectacular and awful as they were amount to less than two average days in this country. But of course we cannot talk about guns and gun violence because a religious motive existed here which is so DIFFERENT than the motives of general mayhem, passion and nihilism of most gun crimes/rampages that of course guns can’t be at fault and neither can gun laws…it must be ALLAH. Look dickheads, it sucks that terrorists exist in the world and that terrorism itself which is one of the oldest tactics also exists but it does NOT change the fact that terrorist killings of Americans aren’t even peanuts compared to Americans killing other Americans. Oh and you wouldn’t feel so compelled to own a gun to ‘defend yourself’ if everyone else didn’t have a gun as well…ever think about that, shitbird?

    • theCryptofishist

      The american on american violence something something IOKWARDI.

  • DahBoner
    • w9anthimos

      Jeb! is taking a shot at acquiring a personality.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Well, if he doesn’t win the election (Ha Ha), he can always join the cast of Duck Dynasty.

    • Zippy

      you just know he has babby birds living in there

      • Playonwords

        It’s not the birds you have to worry about it’s the badgers.

    • OMG the Pacific Northwest has been a recruiting ground for jihadis for years! Now, I assume that plaid shirt colors are also some kind of terrorist code…

  • nightmoth

    Just after the Paris massacre, there was an interesting bit about the attackers looking and acting drugged. I had never heard of captagon, the “jihad drug.”
    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-11-24/captagon-the-drug-that-kept-the-paris-attackers-calm/6970464

    Wonkette news has been stellar about NOT speculating, but have any of you speculated that the San Bernandino gun-wife used drugs on her husband? He made an awfully fast transition from average guy to jihadist.

    • Zippy

      That stuff is basically speed. It doesn’t brainwash people, it just lets them run on autopilot for days while ignoring hunger and fatigue. The zombie comments are probably the result of the typical speed induced focus of attention- that’s why meth heads are notorious for extended pointless tasks like alphabetizing every soup can and cereal box in their pantry or polishing every metal surface in their house with a toothbrush while they grind their teeth into nubs. The fact that all that lost sleep makes them paranoid and irrationally angry doesn’t hurt, either.

      • nightmoth

        Thanks for the info.

        • Zippy

          It’s still dangerous as hell to have Jihadists running around on the stuff

    • sw19womble

      It was the HAARP mind-control waves being directed via the nearby traffic lights.

      • Zippy

        try the vinegar spray

        • sw19womble

          and don’t forget to tip your meter maid.

  • DahBoner

    Perhaps we missed an update where Trump clarified he meant “take them out for a hearty meal.”

    Wouldn’t it be more cost effective to take the Terrorists out to…

    http://ltwo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/blog-heart-attack-grill1.jpg
    “To die for”

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t forget the onion rings.

      • Objectifer

        Deep fried in lard. For reals.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      If you have a massive coronary in the restaurant, your whole party eats free!

    • Amy!

      With bacon?

  • What do you gain by bringing down America?

    Funny, I’m not the one who thinks that America is a lawless dystopia where I have to live in constant fear. I’m also not the one trying to make it so.

  • TheBidenator

    One interesting note, it seems the Farook family hired an Alex Jones disciple as their attorney…..he’s calling the attacks staged, a false flag to take ar guns. Stupid lawyer, doesn’t he know the only staged attacks involve those committed by white, Christian males? Obviously dirty muslins make real attacks and our guns are safe because their names are weird…

    • Brendan_M

      He’s also throwing out legitimate concerns about the demonizing of Muslims, so he may be desperate, ethically-dubious, and incompetent, and he’s just employing a kitchen sink strategy. Either way, he should be fired and run out of town.

  • Suttree

    My apologies for being pedantic but it is spelled Paterson. My last job was located there. Not that it really matters.

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s really an itch when people get wrong petty things you know the right answer to, isn’t it?

      • sw19womble

        ..

      • Zyxomma

        Yes. And thankfully, we have Wonkette to scratch that itch.

    • doktorzoom

      Son of a gun! We learn things from our non-deleted commenters, too! Fixing.

  • DahBoner

    I found the video Trump was talking about…

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/798kwuFnaoKBi/200w_d.gif

  • Ionlylikecats

    In case you guys haven’t heard yet, Breaking News! A (full-time, Racist) Idiot who stumbled a side job as president of Liberty University, has been possessed to tell the enrolled to start carrying more guns! Especially of the concealed nature!

    This soul, bought by the NRA, thinks this will stop gun violence, and those nasty Mooslums, once and for all. Because as we have seen at Wonkette before, even the possibility of adding more guns(!) to the mix makes everything fly more smoothly (and saves lives!). Of course, he only means white people. Because all terrorists are at least vaguely Middle Eastern-looking! What A Idiot.

    In other news, More people look around America, ask themselves how they ended up in such a sewer pit, and immediately start making plans to leave than ever before! Vote Donald Trump (if you want the world to end)!

    This has been your weekend update.

    • Joshua Norton

      Liberty U is where you go when University of Phoenix turns you down.

      • w9anthimos

        As spawn of Falwell, where else was he gonna go.

      • Ricky Gay

        Liberty University – provides no liberty, and is certainly not universal.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I wish them well in this experiment in making sure every student is armed at all times.

      “Paging Mr Darwin. Charles Darwin to the red courtesy phone.”

      • willi0000000

        the dripping red courtesy phone!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He is the spawn of Falwell, correct?

    • tomamitai

      This has been your weekend update.

      Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Q0cyJSs04&feature=youtu.be&t=23s

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, I think open gun carry should be required at Liberty U….

      • willi0000000

        . . . and firecrackers.

    • Swampgas_Man

      He’s Jerry Falwell’s kid, so I assume this is genetics.

  • Spotts1701

    John Kasich, who for some reason still believes he is running for President, had the stupidest take so far on letting people on the no-fly list buy guns – if we ban them from buying guns, it’ll tip them off.

    “When our law enforcement stops somebody that’s on the watch list, we don’t tell them they are on the watch list,” he explained. “We want to make sure we can exploit all the information that we can possibly get.”

    “So, if all of the sudden you tell everybody that’s on the watch list that you can’t do this or that then guess what happens? Then we lose our ability to track, we lose our ability to gather information,” he added. “So I think we have to be careful.”

    • Joshua Norton

      if we ban them from buying guns, it’ll tip them off.

      I’m just spit-balling stuff here, but wouldn’t not being allowed to board a freaking plane already have done that?

      • Zippy

        no shit-

        “you can’t board that plane!”
        “Why not?”
        “I can’t tell you”

        • Markuserektus

          Like the stewardess that yelled at the coyote as he boarded the plane with a dead squirrel: “You can’t bring that thing on the plane!”
          The coyote replied: “Why not it’s my carrion.”
          :P

      • bupkus23

        Hey – at least Kasich TRIED to offer an explanation as to why people on the no-fly list should not be allowed to buy guns. The rest of the GOP just either says “Because 2A” – or that the no-fly list is ineffective and contains lotsa names of “non-terrorist” Americans.
        Gee – wasn’t the no-fly list created by the GOP, and even tho’ there was criticism of it’s ineffectiveness and erroneous records during the GWB administration, no GOPpers criticized it before. Thanks Obama!

    • Vecciojohn

      God, what a stupid fucker! He’s probably planning to ask Dick Cheney to form his VP search committee.

      • Zippy

        his VP search committee

        ROFL like that is ever going to happen…

        • John Smith

          I think he means searching for someone to let him be VP.

          • Zippy

            lol, even that is wildly optimistic. If he wasn’t from Ohio, I’d say it’s delusional

    • Beulah

      I know I’m not the only one thinking of this:

      https://youtu.be/y0X0ZYbnHxA

    • bobbert

      Um, don’t people on the no-fly list get a small clue when they’re denied boarding?

  • malsperanza

    These comments are, as usual, well-reasoned and illuminating. I welcome the chance to exchange views with conservatives.

    Only, as a common courtesy we really should let them know that around here “faggot” is not an insult. Other things that are not insults around here:

    Cat owner
    Citizen
    Veteran
    You jerks with your ten-dollar words
    I bet your mom is married to your dad

    • ChicagoLovesYou

      Sorry, but as a lifelong dog person, I would take cat-owner as an insult.

      • sw19womble

        You can go both ways, you know.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          You mean bipetuality?

          • sw19womble

            Don’t forget the panpetuals.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I am, for now at least, celipet.

          • Markuserektus

            How much you askin’ fer it?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Does that mean the cat’s got your tongue?

          • PUAAN

            I, myself, am polycatipetual.

          • Vecciojohn

            I law school my cousin studied the rule against bepetuality. It’s not allowed.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I still don’t understand how I studied The Rule
            Against Perpetuities and its myriad Exceptions and emerged with my sanity intact (assuming that I did, that is.)

          • EmmettGrogan

            I prefer “panpetuality” – it’s more inclusive of all animals.

        • Toomush_Infer

          that’s catamount to dogma…

          • Mehmeisterjr

            But I have a feline it could occur.

          • Zippy

            doggone shame…

          • Zippy

            which leads catatonia

          • Toomush_Infer

            which would be doggone catastrophic…

      • Vecciojohn

        Hissssssssssss

      • zerosumgame0005

        my petuality is fluid!

      • John Smith

        Canine we just get along?

        • Markuserektus

          Dog if I know…

    • H0mer0

      you forgot “refugee hugging queer”

      • Vecciojohn

        I’m queer for Syrians.

        No homo.

      • nightmoth

        one of my favorites—- along, of course, with our new motto:
        nasty vile little snark mob

        • H0mer0

          So many to choose from ! So many “cakes we like!”

    • John Smith

      Abortion provider.

    • Playonwords

      I am proud to say I am a catamite … (that word does mean cat lover, doesn’t it???)

      • theCryptofishist

        Nicely played, Play.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Social Justice Warrior.

    • Alex Grey

      Scientist

  • Enfant Terrible

    Deleted comments, summarized:

    https://youtu.be/o7Ixe95CZOE

    • Msgr_Moment

      It finally is beginning to make sense. Thank you, Enfant.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    To paraphrase The Donald, people on the internet are very, very stupid.

    • ChicagoLovesYou

      people on the internet are very, very stupid

      FTFY

      • Zippy

        being on the internet just makes them louder

        • Thepeoplevs.

          ITS ONLY LOUDER IF YOU READ MY ALL CAPS MESSAGE OUTLOUD

  • motmelere

    “Someone who actually saw the pipe bomb factory was too afraid of being labeled a racist.”
    Hmmm…Googled that & found no such person. I’m sure that the guy who saw those muslimy islamists making pipe bombs only felt comfortable reporting that to Redstate AFTER the attack; because we all know how sensitive wingnuts are to PC criticism.

    • Zippy

      pipe bomb factory

      I’m just happy we managed to not outsource all of our manufacturing jobs

      • Markuserektus

        I wonder if tea party supporting Home Despot supplied the pipe?

        • natoslug

          I get all my pipe bomb supplies at the local Quickee Martyr. But that’s because I’m a Slurpee fan.

      • Thepeoplevs.

        these must be the STEM jobs that we bring in all those scary foreigners on B1-b visas to fill

      • Sheepshagger

        Artisanal hand detailed pipe bombs, with bespoke ball bearings patterning, sustainably produced gun powder.

        • pumpkinspiceheroincat

          Gluten free, non GMO, all from gently repurposed fair trade and Murrican made materials!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I thought the proper term now was “pipe bomb organization”?

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, that story’s all the rage on Breitbart.

      Then again, all the rage is all there is on Breitbart

    • theCryptofishist

      They are still to afraid to say something… We should pass a hat and get them a Stasi Barbie so they can learn how to turn in their neighbors.

  • Callyson

    Glee at Americans being murdered! By Muslims !!!!!!!! Wow libtards never cease to amaze.iNow if their was a mass shooting at the DNC I may agree

    ‘Terrorism’We’re not sure what part of our story he thought was “gleeful,” apart from our usual mocking of Fox News morons, which we’ll confess we enjoy greatly.

    “Gee, I didn’t bring facts and logic to this informed crowd–what to do? I know–accuse them of doing something outrageous, even though they did no such thing, just to force them to deny it. Derailment FTW!!!”

  • SnarkOff

    “Keep sticking your fingers in your ears and singing la-la-la-la loudly.” –ann Smith

    LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA…

  • Callyson

    That was pretty impressive psychic work by “B Robert,” considering he commented almost a full day before the FBI actually said it was now investigating the case as terrorism

    Dammit, there’s a “that’s psychotic, not psychic” joke in there somewhere…

    • SnarkOff

      Libtard, connect the dots! B Robert is an FBI operative!!!! He was leaking this information to Wonkette!

  • Markuserektus

    Still on scene at ten this morning. They must be further ransacking the condo for a Sunday morning yard sale.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Someone should tell the Fox “News”[sic] folks that southern CA has beaches where they could spend their time.

      • natoslug

        Someone should report a suspicious white truck masquerading as a news vehicle in the neighborhood. See something, say something, people!

        • Playonwords

          You saw people in that van offering inducements to the feeble minded.

        • Querolous

          Ever see in side one of those vans? Lots of flashing lights and techy looking things. You could probably build a clock!

      • theCryptofishist

        Not in San Bernadino they don’t.

    • HanBarbara

      So that means that when some white Christian guy shoots at a Planned Parenthood, his family should be made to suffer, or does this only apply to brown, not Christian terrorists?

      • Markuserektus

        White guys are just mentally unstable…the others are terrists.

  • Callyson

    he never said he wants to kill families

    Actually, he did say that and then he backed away from his own comments (again) when he was being held accountable for them. Isn’t that right, auto-play CNN linky?

    “You have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families,” Trump said Wednesday…

    But asked explicitly whether that meant killing suspected terrorists’ families, Trump demurred.

    “I don’t want to be so bold,” Trump said. “I’ll tell you they would suffer.”

    Strong leadership in action!!!!!

    /FFS

  • Markuserektus
  • Callyson

    Um, PawneeBill47 honey?

    In what way does allowing those who are on a terrorist watch list legally purchase weapons do anything but bring down America?

  • Callyson

    Do tell us, JoeSixPacks, in what way would using racist language save lives? I’ll wait…

    • doktorzoom

      No, no, it’s being willing to call the police when you see your Muslim neighbor working in their garage at 3 AM that people need to feel free to do.

      As long as you’d do the same for your Episcopalian neighbor, I say go for it.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMqxNPsfN50

      • Left Coast Tom

        Shouldn’t I call the police on anyone who’s up at 3 AM spying on the neighbors?

        • doktorzoom

          Good call!

        • HanBarbara

          Actually in this part of the world people up “working” around the house are people with a little meth problem. Much better to leave them alone and not engage.

  • Callyson

    a Wonkette Programming Note: President Obama will be giving a speech from the Oval Office on San Bernardino and the administration’s counterterrorism strategy Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. Eastern. Yr Wonkette will be here to livestream the video and throw in a livebloggy comment or two.

    Thus saving me from watching my team lose yet a-fucking-gain. Bless you, Wonkette

    • Msgr_Moment

      The night is yet early.

  • Playonwords

    Does the size of beard matter?

    http://i.imgur.com/5oqXo2V.jpg

    • Toomush_Infer

      Is that a squirrel in there?…

      • Playonwords

        Badgers … badgers, badgers, badgers

        https://youtu.be/EIyixC9NsLI

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner
          • doktorzoom

            We are not the Huns!

        • TheOtherHeadlessThompsonGunner

          Also, now we know why badgers are such strong-thighed little fuckers.

        • GDleftyPart2

          Badgers?
          We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers….

          • Msgr_Moment

            Honeybooboobadger don’t care.

    • bozilingus

      Michele B is a pretty good size beard and she has crazy eyes.

  • dshwa

    Gunhumper whining all sounds alike after awhile.

  • Craig Gooding

    Paul Ryan is growing a beard. Better put him on the terrorist list – no plane trips for you! On the positive side, he can still buy a gun,

    • AnOuthouse

      What about everyone in Brooklyn. Quite the hot bed there.

    • theCryptofishist

      But he get’s them free every month for being a member of Congress.

  • It was me Pawnee Bill took exception to, but I didn’t mind. I enjoy it when people who can’t read insult me over things I never said.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    OT- will there be a B Barry Bamz live blog for tonights Big Tourist Speech (I’m still unclear about why I should be afraid of tourists, other than the way they inexplicably stop dead in the middle of busy crosswalks.)

  • chascates

    The reason the FBI waited until they had evidence this was an act of domestic terrorism is because they are required to do so by law. That’s how government agencies are supposed to operate. To wit:
    Definitions of Terrorism in the U.S. Code
    https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/terrorism/terrorism-definition
    “Domestic terrorism” means activities with the following three characteristics:
    Involve acts dangerous to human life that violate federal or state law;
    Appear intended (i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population; (ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or (iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination. or kidnapping; and Occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the U.S.

    18 U.S.C. § 2332b defines the term “federal crime of terrorism” as an offense that:
    Is calculated to influence or affect the conduct of government by intimidation or coercion, or to retaliate against government conduct; and
    Is a violation of one of several listed statutes, including § 930(c) (relating to killing or attempted killing during an attack on a federal facility with a dangerous weapon); and § 1114 (relating to killing or attempted killing of officers and employees
    of the U.S.).

    • Toomush_Infer

      That’s Obama’s fault…

  • Juan de Fuca

    “Military morons”, die motherfucker, the framers had a better set of balls than you. You delusional prick, that “military” has protected your right to be stupid for centuries. I have a high level of hatred for your level of stupid.”

    Sounds like a fanatical, potential terrorist to me. See something, say something.

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      He hates. And hates. And hates.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Have you read some of his other disqus comments? Hole-lee shit this dude is the very thing that he hates the most. Trying to mock the guy but …wow.
        Sometimes wonder if there should be a basic critical thinking and reading comp test administered before people can get access to the Internet.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Elitist.

        • potrzebie

          Or for reproducing.

        • theCryptofishist

          Next you’ll be saying: With periodic reviews by NSA contractors to see if we can still hold it together.

          • Juan de Fuca

            No, that wouldn’t work because then you’d have people like Snowden releasing all of the test answers before bouncing to Russia.

    • Wassamatta U Alumnus

      He proves his own point, only they protected his “right” to say stupid shit. What a maroon.

    • mailman27

      Definitely not politically correct. So there’s that.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    Unless POTUS declares war on all of Islam, the shitferbrains won’t get it.

    • Toomush_Infer

      They don’t care – just lookin’ for another excuse to go Barryhating…

  • diogenez

    Here’s what I keep trying to understand:

    There are 300 million guns in this country – why doesn’t anyone feel safer?

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      Indeed. Why so vulnerable, what with your fancy pants firearms, people?

    • Toomush_Infer

      I feel much safer, now that you reminded me…

    • bupkus23

      yeah, but only about 30% of Americans will admit to owning one. The remaining 70% are either liars or scared….

      • Juan de Fuca

        Or the remaining 70% are on the market, unregistered and certainly not regulated which is even scarier.

        • bupkus23

          The remaining 70% of Americans are on the market, etc. ????

          http://www.allgov.com/news/controversies/as-hunting-and-gun-ownership-decline-remaining-gun-owners-stock-up-150312?news=855922
          It doesn’t look like this piece says anything about the average number of guns any single gun owner has, tho’. The latest data in from 2014.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Ha, good point and no. Was attempting (poorly) to point out there are many guns out there and nobody knows where they are, unlike automobiles. If only 30% out of 350 million people claim to own firearms and there are roughly 300 million firearms out there, where are they all at?

          • Wombat

            There’s that one guy with more than 5000.

          • theCryptofishist

            So, he’s denying guns to something like 4975 americans!

      • gene108

        30% are hoarding like some crazy mofos shit scared of the world around them

    • gene108

      Guns make everything better…no duh…

      • Msgr_Moment

        Mmmmm… bacon gunz.

    • toomanyrappers

      Don’t worry; we are making and even selling more. ;)

      Why stop at 300 million?

      Gosh, I can’t fathom why police officers are paranoid. Oh, wait… it might be all the fucking guns!

  • SterWonk

    “But Trump never said that thing he said”

    From Minority Report: I’m sorry for whatever I’m going to do and I swear I didn’t do any of that stuff I did.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Geeze, Dok, reading comprehension is hard, so hard. Show a little compassion. They got this info over the Internet … they couldn’t say it if it weren’t true! so there. You seem to expect everyone to be some sort of Einstein and be capable of independent research. Elitist! You make me sick! Always wanting your so-called “evidence” as though that is even needed. We just need to pray harder for the return (in glory!) of St Ronnie. Then them homosexualists will not be terrorizing decent folks! And we can cut taxes too! And invade all sorts of places! I think I’ve kind of lost my thread here …

    • Tansy Geek

      You were working up a good Pinkham’s Law post though.

    • mtn_philosoph

      I had a friend who thought he was some kind of Eisenstein. He used to say his life story was one big montage.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    It’s remarkable how many people will lie for The Donald.

    And cover his orange ass.

    #STFUDonny

  • deanbooth

    I bet tony newbill has “American Muslims Celebrated 9/11” on his hat.

  • Wombat

    Growing a beard is a sign of being a terrorist? I’ll accept this as fact with regard to hipsters, because duh, and also those Duck Dynasty guys, but what about my dad? He’s had it for forty years. When should I expect all hell to break loose?

    • Juan de Fuca

      …walks up to the cop waiting in line at Starbucks – “Psst. What’s up with that beared dude sitting over there behind a MacBook and wearing Dre Beats? I’d look into that.”

    • Msgr_Moment

      Aha! A sleeper cell. I’ll bet he owns a Barcalounger.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Or listens to Death Cab for Cutie.
        ETA: Not that there’s anything wrong with that

        • Wombat

          No, worse. He likes John Denver.

          • nmmagyar

            Dear God!!!

      • Wombat

        Some kind of mechanical reclining thing, yes. And he sleeps it it. Same with my mom. I always thought it was because they were Olds. Clearly I have been blind.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Or a Craftmatic adjustable bed!

      • Vegan and Tiara

        His sleep number is 911.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Do I need to get out my razor and come over there?…

      • Wombat

        No. He looks, according to my mother, quite weird without it.

        He does get stopped a lot in airports, though.

        • david green

          After 43 years I shaved my fu manchu, and immediately my wife, my daughter, and my sister suggested I should re-grow it.

      • mtn_philosoph

        Maybe get out your razor and comb-over there.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Well, we always suspected those DD guys one step removed from radical jihadjism

    • handyhippie65

      i have a beard, and a ponytail. so what does that make me?

      • theCryptofishist

        Ah, we all know that gender non-conformity is totes terrorist pre-cursor.

      • Suttree

        Jesus?

        • handyhippie65

          yea, verily i sayeth unto you, believeth unto me and i will laugh at your gullibility.

          • Suttree

            I only hope you get free drinks from the rubes.

      • bobbert

        A bronie?

        • handyhippie65

          not as much as some here.

    • david green

      Well, I would guess you Dad (if he is REALLY your Dad) is part of a long range sleeper cell set up before you birth by some al-knowling terrorist leader. Do you know if he has ever been to Saudi Arabia? Does he hang with a bunch of other guys with beards? Has he ever told you Mom to “get him a beer”? Is he strangely reluctant to eat bacon, claiming that this “doctor” told him not to? These are all things to worry about. ,

  • Steverino247

    Like I wrote yesterday:

    “Let me just say right here that there are some STUPID motherfuckers out there.”

  • PhoenicianRomans

    He should have been on a very short list of possible terrorists once he returned from SA.

    Well, to be fair, one of the biggest mass-murdering criminals in American history has a lot of friends in Saudi Arabia, which should have been a warning sign

    http://www.resourcesforlife.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/20150119tu-Diplomacy-US-President-George-W-Bush-holds-hand-with-king-saudi-arabia-6446422.jpg

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The wingnuts would suffer from severe head explosion if Obama was ever caught holding hands with a Saudi prince.

      • PhoenicianRomans

        Let alone kissing him – as Bush has been photographed doing. I suspect liberals don’t make a big deal out of it because they know that its a cultural thing and the Bush family is friends with the Saudis.

        I wonder if it would be possible to for some wag to realistically photoshop Obama in the place of Bush and then release the photos on some place like Free Republic, with a breathless screed about the “Muslim in Chief selling the US out!!!” ? Harvesting the comments and then throwing them back at them would be endlessly amusing.

        • Vegan and Tiara

          I wish I knew how to Photoshop!!!!

          • Zyxomma

            I’m learning. Mid-Manhattan branch of the NYPL has free lessons, either on Mac or PC. You can also use your library account to train for free on Lynda, nypl.org/lynda It’s fun.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Now all I need to do is move to NYC. :-)
            If I could afford to live there, I wouldn’t mind it, but I couldn’t afford to rent, and forget about buying. I visit about once a year, and that’s expensive enough!
            Your advice does make me think that maybe my own library has a photoshop class, and I’ll check into it. Also, libraries are great. They are one of the best, and least utilized institutions in America.

          • Beulah

            Check out the “You Suck at Photoshop” series on YouTube. Educational and funny.

            https://youtu.be/MWn0lxRNqos

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Hell, for those people you would not even need a realistic photoshop. Just a head clip, any size any angel, you can leave on the white hands, and they will STILL scream it is proof that Bamz is a mooslim.

  • clubseal

    What an especially repugnant batch today. Thank you Dok for being the gatekeeper. Or the keymaster. Which is it again?

    • jmk

      Vince Somebody is the keymaster. That must mean that Dok is the gatekeeper.

      • mtn_philosoph

        I wanted to be the keymaster, but they told me I that I would need more training. So now I’m off to Zuul.

        • jmk

          Most of the laugh that caused came through my nose.

          That was awesome.

    • EmmettGrogan

      Or perhaps the janitor? That’s an awful lot of derp to wade thru, Dr. Zoom. I’m buying you a pair of hip waders for Christmas – it’s an election year, so looks like it’s gonna be alot of derp this year.

  • shastakoala

    It’s psychics like “B Robert” that give psychics like “B Robert” a bad name.

    • mailman27

      He’s really “Bro Bert” incognito.

      • sw19womble

        Brobertly.

        • bobbert

          Waitaminnit

  • idiotboy

    You know, just like not allowing no fly people to buy guns in order to catch them using guns to kill people. Wonkette just tipped off the terrorists that if they shave their beards no one will suspect them of wrongdoing.
    Sheeple, think this stuff through!!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I haven’t shaved all weekend and I suddenly want to blow something up!

      • Mickey Donovan

        Jamie and Adam are retiring. There’s a TV show waiting for you.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Yeah, but they’ve already blown every conceivable thing up. I suppose I could bulldoze all their wreckage into a pile and blow it up.

          • Mickey Donovan

            Medications+vodka+explosives=What more do you need?
            *edit*… And, I forgot, baconz.

    • Angry and Short

      I would be a terrible Islamic terrorist. I couldn’t grow a beard if you shot me full of hormones and pointed a gun at me.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “Is now too politically incorrect to provide intelligence on future acts of violence. Someone who actually saw the pipe bomb factory was too afraid of being labeled a racist.”

    This is what that “pipe bomb factory” consisted of:

    “The components found included straight and elbow pipes, internal plugs and caps for the pipes, tape, wiring, wire strippers and cutters, a soldering gun and an electric drill.”
    http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/san-bernardino-shooting/san-bernardino-attackers-had-bomb-factory-garage-n474321

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Pipe bombs don’t kill people!
      No, wait….

    • theCryptofishist

      We all know that any sort of gun, including a soldering gun, can only be used for good. Therefore there was nothing to report.

    • Angry and Short

      I have to admit. I would have thought it a pipe bomb factory as well.
      Then again I was obsessed with Baader-Meinhof and the SLA when I was 9.
      I’m not sure I’ve seen a pipe bomb using an elbow.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      OMG – my dad was a terrorist! And all that time I thought he was a plumber.

  • nosuchuser

    I was visiting home when this tragedy happened, and my mom is a huge faux noise fan (regrettably). While watching endless loops of speculation, I saw something that made my blood run cold. While a narrator went over the grizzly facts as currently known the background image switched to a video of a random(?) mosque which then panned out and showed a women walking by wearing a hijab.

    Given what we know about Faux Noise’s MO and their fan base, the only plausible explanation that I can come up with is that they are priming their base for their daily 2 minutes of hate.

    I am deeply afraid for our Muslim citizens, and everyone who may be confused with a Muslim. Anyone want to start a clock on how long until a Mosque is bombed?

    • theCryptofishist

      I always knew Trotsky Goldstein was a Muslim.

    • Zyxomma

      I live in NYC. After 9/11, everyone was eerily polite for a while: I got offered seats on both the subway and the bus, which otherwise never happens. One night when it was colder than the proverbial witch’s tit in a brass brassiere, I was at a bus stop in the West Village. The biting wind was hurting my face, so I pulled the top layer of my two-layer cape up over my hat. A guy at the bus stop freaked out, because he thought my cape was a hijab, and therefore I must be a Muslim extremist, like the ones who flew the planes into the WTC. He calmed down when I told him I was just cold. Strange experience for an atheist nice Jewish girl.

      • nosuchuser

        I am sorry that you had to make my point with personal experience.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It would be too depressing but I’m guessing immediately.

      Back when W was leading us, Sikhs and Hindi were beaten up for wearing turbans.

      • nosuchuser

        They still are, because the haters are too stupid to even accurately identify those who they hate.

  • Anna_in_pdx

    Wow, that lucifer666 fellow has a horrifying comment history, mostly at a site called “infostormer”… Yikes. (Hi wonkers, long time reader first time commenter here. You guys are terrific.)

    • doktorzoom

      Welcome to the Monkey House.

      • david green

        Ook!

      • Radardude

        How many Vonnegut references in a week, and the short story anthology? As a Junior in high school an assigned reading was Cat’s Cradle. I have read everything I could find of his that has been published. I still fall back on ending my disgust of what we silly Americans are in this year with a quote that will still be in use a century from now – “So it goes.” Note to all: a lurker for a few months, and I hope to join you regularly not commenting because they’re not allowed.

        • doktorzoom

          Hi-ho.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          That is precisely because comments are not allowed. And welcome.

        • CRISPR_Cas9

          Sorry, so sorry…I promise this is NOT a comment but just a question – are you secretly THE Kilgore Trout?? Best science fiction writer the world has never known!

          • Radardude

            The answer you seek can be discerned by reading between the lines of Venus on the Half-Shell!

          • doktorzoom

            Look, the comments on the GMO salmon were contentious enough without your bringing up that Trout Farmer….

    • Msgr_Moment

      We’re all great admirers of your reading. Hope the commenting gig works out.

    • nmmagyar

      Wilkommen

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Willkommen, Bienvue, Welcome.

      If only this were allowed.

    • Angry and Short

      Infostormer must the cross fertilization of Stormwatch and InfoWars. It must be a veritable hotbed of intellectual thought and derpitude.

  • JD Mulvey

    “growing a beard”

    At last half the male population of Portland –plus a quarter of the females –need to be on the terror watchlist.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Brooklyn is already extremely suspect.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Bee beard. Be very very afraid.

      • Relativicus

        Radical Hassidic Islamists? In New York?!!?

    • Relativicus

      It’s simpler than that because you can exclude anyone who does not wear a stylish keffiyeh. So, that’s at least half the male population of Portland, and… and a quarter of the, um, damn…

      • Angry and Short

        The irony is that our own troops use the keffiyah in the desert.

        • Relativicus

          Not sure that’s irony, but we can excuse the “When in Rome…” set.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Wondering what the deleted comments might look like if you took a Atlantic Salmon, cross-breeded it with a Pacific-Chinook Salmon and converted it to radical Islam…

    • sw19womble

      It would look fine, silly. People have been crossfertilising deleted comments for centuries without any problem.

      • Juan de Fuca

        I wondered if I was the only one who got a laugh from that comment. Sadly, it does appear as though there are many here who believe America dates back to recorded time,

        Can’t make this shit up, as they say in the Shire.

        https://twitter.com/chaseoros/status/352712584933294081

  • Swampay

    Why do all the contenders in Dear Shit-fer-brains have such horrible spelling, grammar, and general command of the english language? Could it be because they are all A Idiot?

    • nmmagyar

      Yes, they are all A Idiot.

      • Thom

  • UnsaltedSinner

    At the very least the FBI should be following/targeting those who are of this heritage AND who travel to regions known to foster terrorism.

    Kansas?

    • Relativicus

      Idaho.

      • Angry and Short

        Anyplace West of Omaha, actually.
        Scratch that. Any place west of the Atlantic Ocean.

  • Lana Churner

    I just came upon this site by accident.
    Very silly place.
    Most reputable web sites that provide a venue for comments understand that there are a lot of dummies and crazies out there and don’t acknowledge the most outlandish comments with a rejoinder. Not this place though.
    You use the dumbest comments as a means of dignifying your own opinions.
    Did no one ever tell you to never wrestle with a pig?

    • Ryan Denniston

      We like our comment threads well-curated and outliers mocked. Also, there are no comments allowed.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      You sound constipated.

    • When you discuss Derpy Hooves dancing and chanting Allahu Akbar in Paterson, New Jersey, in 2001, there is a chance there’s some snark involved.

      Like the entire rest of the Wonkettelys news, sportsball, and weather.

      Try RedState, where these lunatics fete their feats, and viciously give each other reacharounds for this sort of nonsense.

      Jes’ sayin’.

    • Nicholas Rostov

      Comments are not allowed here. Duh.

    • Angry and Short

      Wrestling with pigs is fun.
      Watching other people wrestle with pigs is even funner!
      Watching pigs wallow around in their intellectual morass while being stuck with spears is the absolute funnest!

    • doktorzoom

      Thanks! We try to avoid respectability whenever possible.

    • Lord-Nash

      Look at that!

  • SessileRaptor

    OK but now I’m totally going to make a video where it looks like all of Ponyville is cheering as the towers fall.

  • I happen to know for a fact that there is a video on YouTube of a Muslim cat who, overjoyed about 9/11, begins playing a keyboard. Also too, there’s footage of a radicalized English kid named Charlie celebrating 9/11 by biting his brother’s finger.

  • “Uh-oh…ann Smith is onto us! CHEESE IT, FELLAS!”

  • chiefkurtz

    I saw a video of a guy in a speedo celebrating 9/11 by trying to do a cannonball through the ice on a frozen pond, but the ice was too hard and he landed hard and slid, to the rapturous laughter of his friends.

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