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Don't make Muscle Jesus angry. You wouldn't like Him when He's angry.
Don’t make Muscle Jesus angry. You wouldn’t like Him when He’s angry.

Once in a while we’ll get an influx of angry new commenters who are very, VERY unhappy with something we’ve published, but we have no idea how they found the piece to be outraged by in the first place. This week, we were deluged with some seriously unhappy people who were seriously upset that we ran a piece about Seattle police and Starbucks coffeehouses partnering to establish a “safe place” program where LGBT people can report hate crimes. Obviously, Starbucks hates Jesus, which prompted a torrent of people to remind us that not only are Christians far more oppressed than The Gays, there is also no such thing as discrimination against gays, although god knows they deserve some.

A very persistent person with the username “Skalamoosh” (who may or may not do the flandango) took us to task for our hatred of Real Christians, which are the conservative kind only:

Well I can tell that this website is highly biased toward bashing Christians. Sure, LBGT’s and any human being, should have safe places from physical or emotional violence, though there is zero concern about offending a Christian in today’s culture. Disagreeing with homosexuality is not hating. Tolerance is not equal to Support, because all are forced to tolerate, but if you disagree somehow you hate the person??? Makes no sense.

Jesuphobia, Responsibiliphobia, moraliphobia are running rampant up in here. I’m sure this comment will be deleted, because I can tell that anything remotely close to defending Christianity is instantly slashed from this forum.

We have to give Skalamoosh credit for creativity, with those exciting neologisms! We aren’t quite certain how supporting gay rights is an example of hatred or fear toward “responsibility,” but it sure sounds like a winning slogan. And look, not only was your comment not deleted, it was actually featured quite prominently. Skalamoosh also needed to put the kibosh on another commenter’s mistaken notion that one can somehow be both a Christian and a liberal, because Logic:

Newsflash: You can’t be a Liberal and a Christian because liberals promote killing unborn people . . .. . .. .. see how that feels? You obviously don’t understand conservatism, and have a skewed sense of what liberal agenda is. Conservatism base is less government, lower taxes, market freedom. Liberalism = big government, telling you how your money should be spent (high tax), reducing your freedom (gun control, making you pay for something you don’t believe in like BC, restricting your choice in education of your children)

We had no idea that it was possible to throw that many dots between words. That might be a new record in ellipses. To be fair (which liberals never are, since we hate Christians), it appears that Skalamoosh was picking on a point the other commenter made, claiming that Republicans make lousy Christians since many of them favor unfettered capitalism over helping the poor, so we guess that was more of a tit-for-tat Dueling Generalization than an absolute. We’re certain that the question of “What is a real Christian?” will eventually be settled in blog comments, someday. Also, since when are American Christians forced to pay for British Columbia?

Skalamoosh also offered an interesting theory as to why so many rightwingers sound so nutty online: False flag blog comments!

Just as there are leftist extremists, there are crazy people calling themselves so-called Christians. In fact many pose as Christians just to make them look bad on purpose, especially online in forums like this.

In addition, we learned that nobody’s really offended by Starbucks’ insufficiently-Christmassy coffee cups: It’s all a spoof to make liberals look silly!

Liberals aren’t understanding the deep-seeded joke that conservatives are playing here. The only reason people are pretending to be offended is because we have been given the right to do so by liberals everywhere. This is just to show you what it’s like to deal with idiots that get offended by everything that doesn’t agree with their opinions.

That’s pretty darn meta, if true. Which leads us to the inevitable conclusion: Skalamoosh is actually Andy Kaufman (Wonkette Rule #472: Dok Zoom thinks everybody is Andy Kaufman).

We received a much more succinct comment on the article from someone posting as “goldberg,” who wanted us to know that Gays are Icky:

Gross. Won’t be going in there anytime soon if fags and freaks are gonna be there.

“1Americanboy” was similarly succinct:

I think it is time to find a new coffee shop GOOD BY STARBUCKS

Gosh, their business will certainly be missed.

“Plewdawg” warned that Starbucks is almost certainly flirting with disaster, since any day now, Islamic radicals will find the coffee shops a perfect target:

Ah….GUN FREE ZONE and now SAFETY NET FOR LGBT….ISIS said they are coming to spill American Blood and Starbucks just went on their radar.

We received a rather lengthy missive from “Preacher Cruz” — we’re fairly certain it’s not really Ted’s daddy, but you never know — who wanted us to know that The Gays have nothing to complain about in America, because the real enemy is, of course, Radical Islam:

Yes, when Muslims are killing people by the hundreds and throwing gay off rooftops, by ALL means, let’s attack Christians. BTW, TRUE, Bible believing Christians, do NOT hate anyone. Opposing actions or choices isn’t hate. A Bible believing Christian believes that ALL sex outside marriage is sin.

There is hardly any “gay bashing” still going on in America and I GUARANTEE you
that when it does happen that person is NOT following the Bible.

NO need for such “safe places”. Not because NO gays are being mistreated but because ANY person can walk into almost any, business, fire station, police station, library or even….. (shudder) a Church (except Westboro “Baptist”, which BTW is all Democrat and NOT a part of the Baptist convention at all) and tell someone that they need help and they will GET it. No matter your sex, preference, race or whatever.,

No guarantees if a LGBT person tries getting help in a Mosque but, “HEY, we’re vilifying Christians here!”

Evan Hurst has a REAL hate on for all Christians doesn’t he?

Hmmm… We’re fairly certain that Evan’s criticisms in the piece were directed mostly at NewsBusters blogger Christine Marsh, who he mocked enthusiastically. We looked, and he definitely never said anything about “all Christians,” because like all liberal gay Tennessee writers at Wonkette, Evan knows what an overly broad generalization is. After listing several of Evan’s supposed slurs of all Christians (each of them mocking Ms. Marsh), Preacher Cruz summed up,

Guess the truth doesn’t matter and kindness, tolerance and inclusion are just nice buzz words to use. What people like Evan REALLY mean is “Agree with everything I want or face the consequences!”

The American Christian is the ONLY Minority group that it is 100% OK to bully, mistreat, abuse and vilify with the language of the other. If they’re WHITE? All the Better!

Darn, that’s some oppression of a “minority” — we said mean things. Such consequences! Fortunately, Preacher Cruz has been kissed gently with the Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi), so they will not have to worry about the consequences of being taunted a second time.

“Hillary” — not that one — warned that Starbucks is risking economic doom by offering to be a haven for LGBT people who might need help, and also edumacated us on the complete nonexistence of trans* people. Also, “Hillary” needs to learn how to use a spacebar:

When they start losing business because their stores attract too many freaks you’ll see how many shits they have.Females may want to avoid them because they don’t want to see some guy, who claims he’s a girl, pull his dick out in the ladies room.People like Bruce Jenner(looks like a male with XY chromosomes) are not transsexuals, they are transvestites.A transvestite is a person with a fetish who gets some type of sexual satisfaction by dressing up as a member of the opposite sex.

And here we thought that it had something to do with liking the Rocky Horror Picture Show. “Hillary” also had thoughts on Barack Obama, the secret gay, and those thoughts are not at all plucked straight out of Stormfront’s online forums:

Barry is fruity like all negro boys brought up without their daddy around. I heard these coloured boys rapping about blowing domes!

Michelle is built like an old fieldhand if you think that’s hot lol

On the vital related question of Starbucks’ war on Christmas with their red cups, we heard from “Aubrey Yancey,” who would like to lay down some Legal Reasoning on us:

Starbucks cannot destroy Christmas. The world has been trying to do that for Centuries.

As a kid (I am now about a month from 79) I watched the world try to “X” Christ out of it. That failed, so Satan enlisted our Governments to help in the 60s. Well, God is still winning with the US National Motto, “In God We Trust”. Congress guaranteed it in 1956 and reaffirmed it in 2002 and again on November 1, 2011. They then encouraged that it be displayed in all public schools and government buildings. It was presented to the courts for repeal by Case law #04-1753 Lambeth-Lea vs. Davidson County, NC Board of Commissioners. It failed all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, and that court turned it down, causing it to become law. Now, if my logic is correct, and I believe it is, If our Motto is In God We Trust, then we MUST pray to God for our needs. Therefore, prayer is as legal in public school as it is in the Congressional meetings of our United States of America! I didn’t say “A moment of silence.” I said, “prayer!”

That’s pretty good, huh? The Supreme Court upheld the motto “In God we Trust” as an example of ceremonial deism rather than as a violation of the Establishment Clause, so in point of fact, the Establishment Clause is null and void, and we are obliged to ignore the First Amendment and all other Supreme Court decisions about prayer in school. We’re looking forward to Aubrey Yancey’s disproof of the Theory of Relativity, coming soon. Now get to praying, you heathens.

Finally, for a taste of Good Old-Fashioned Internet Christian Gibberish, we were Charmed by the RANDOM CAPITALIZATION and “QUOTATION MARKS” in this “MISSIVE” from “Kyle Steven”:

But BASHING Jesus , Well that’s what all the ” COOL KIDS” are doing these days. Bash the Lord ? ” SURE ” , BASH Jesus, ” You Bet cha “, Bash a GAY ? pffft. ” That’s just not cool , cuss … um … cuss … Souls are not real , and , um , You can’t force your beliefs on me, ” Cuss you lot are to busy Shoveling it down EVERYONE ELSES THROAT TILL THEY CHOKE.

I do Not go to church , Not in modern terms, I Hold MY Christ IN MY HEART AND IN MY SOUL. You see , I admit freely now to the world , Jesus Christ is MY SAVIOR.

I Worry about MY SOUL , and the souls of my family and friends .

I will NOT WORRY about anyone else’s Soul. I have also copied and posted this post along with a link to this article on other sites.
Yes that also means a screen capture of this post , Showing it had been posted here.

Let them remove my comment ,it is their right , it is their site.

One AND ALL , Straight , Gay , L , B , T , Q ( someone want to tell me what Q is ? or does it mean question ? I honestly have no idea. ) ALL HUMANS ARE BORN WITH RIGHTS.

TO LIFE , LIBERTY , AND P U R S U I T !!!!! of Happiness.

Everyone these days are being brainwashed in to Spineless Jellyfish , ” You have to be Politically Correct” , SCREW THAT .
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WISH THEM TO DO UNTO YOU. REMEMBER THAT.

And I WILL For those that RESPECT MY MERRY CHRISTMAS , I will tip my hat to what ever it is you hold dear to you , even if it is nothing more then staying asleep or waking up .

You tell me who the person is that has more HATE in their agenda. If you think it is me , Then you are not true to yourself , or anyone else.

We guess Kyle SURE TOLD US!!!!!!!!! What exactly Kyle told us, however, is open to debate. Please discuss amongst yourselves.

$
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  • Anarchy Pony

    Wingnut reasoning never fails to astound me…

    • FauxAntocles

      I would have to say “reasoning”. It’s unfortunate that there’s no way to have a reasonable conversation with them.

      • OldMayfly

        I think the Bashing Christians should have a safe place where they can gather and decide who they want to bash.

        • SterWonk

          Yeah! And just like the rainbow-striped police badge at Starbucks, there should be a some type of icon for these Bashing Christian safe-spaces. Perhaps a pair of lines, intersecting at right angles, with the horizontal segments of equal length, and one of the vertical segments longer than the other.

          Or maybe not – that same symbol is also used at a bunch of places that teach love, acceptance, and forgiveness, so I guess it could get confusing.

    • The Wanderer

      I hope they explain again how sheep’s bladders can be used to prevent earthquakes.

      • FlownOver

        Damn! Brain too slow on Sabbath – see below.

    • handyhippie65

      reason has little to do with their thought process. rationality is what they use. they rationalize their crazy crap to make it appear reasonable.

      • Billy Rubin

        …and they can’t even do that right!

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Dammit, Kyle was one for the ages, and I missed him!

  • natoslug

    Dear Deleted Dumbfucks,
    You suck, your ideas are bad, and you should feel bad. I would go into detail, but quite frankly, you aren’t worth the time. I have “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” to get back to.

  • baconzgood

    Jesuphobia Responsibiliphobia Moraliphobia was my confirmation name.

    • Painter of Goats

      Way cooler than “Frances”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Shorter Kyle: “I, have ‘NO IDEA’ what I’m, talking, about!!!!,!11!!

  • Beowoof14

    The abundant intolerance of the self professed tolerant is something amazing to see. And it seems we see it every week in the deleted comments section.

  • marxalot


    Wut?

  • SillyBilly

    Kyle steven is Sarah Palins fake facebook name…but she needs to work on that disguise a little more..you betcha!!

  • FlownOver

    “Skalamoosh” is the onomatopoeic rendering of the latest practice in skin care.

  • baconzgood

    BREAKING: fags and freaks in coffee houses.

    in other news lake erie is full of water.

  • Marla

    How much I detest Starbucks corporate swill they deem as coffee they at least make an effort to better society by allowing for those who are shunned for their sexual orientation. I grew up in a Catholic home and at 19 turned my back on the Church for good when I realized it was warping the teachings of Christ of love thy neighbor…” turned into a blacklist thy neighbor if thy neighbor happens to be gay. To take such a churlish attitude towards a business clearly demonstrates to me the lowliness of such individuals who refuse to understand the true teachings they claim to hold dear.

  • proudgrampa

    No, I’M Andy Kaufman!

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I knew it!

    • Zippy

      and so is my wife!

    • lroom

      Trump and Carlson are both Andy Kaufman. Has anyone seen them together? It’s the only explanation.

  • The Wanderer

    So, “Kyle Steven” believes that everyone has a right to the pursuit of happiness, just as it’s spelled out in the Declaration of Independence.

    If my happiness relies on naughty ghey sexings, will “Kyle” support my rights?

    • HogeyeGrex

      True happiness can only be found through Jeebus. QED.

  • FlownOver

    “Making you pay for something you don’t believe in like BC” was what my local daily did until Johnny Hart retired/died/Raptured/decomposed.

    • OneDemin EOr

      It lives on in syndication.

      • Swampgas_Man

        The strip carried on by Hart’s kid is actually better. I mean, it’d HAVE to be.

  • cousin itt

    The American Christian is the ONLY Minority group that it is 100% OK to bully, mistreat, abuse and vilify with the language of the other. If they’re WHITE? All the Better!

    Is there a problem here?

    • w9anthimos

      It IS 100% OK to bully American Christians. It says so right here in my Anti-Christian Manifesto!!

    • HogeyeGrex

      Minority group

      mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Princess-Bride-you-keep-using-that-word-1432239123.gif

  • btwbfdimho

    They should boycott Starbucks and go get their Doppio Latti at Hobby Lobby.

  • Arse Grammatica

    “ I will tip my hat to what ever it is you hold dear to you , even if it is nothing more then staying asleep or waking up . ”

    Well that is a nice sentiment! Back atcha!

    • OneDemin EOr

      Except for misuse of “then”. It’s “than”, FFS.

  • TheBidenator

    Hey Skalamoosh, don’t be coming onto this here mommy blog and bringing those weak superfluous ellipses….I’m the king of those
    …….
    …….
    ……..
    ……..
    ……..
    now go fuck yourself, peasant.

    • The Wanderer

      I see a little silhouetto of a man,

      Skalamoosh, Skalamoosh, will you do the Fandango?

      Thunderbolt and lightning,

      Very, very frightening me.

      • Helena Handbag

        Let the headbanging begin!

        • Vegan and Tiara

          More like facepalming with these doofuses.

      • Robyn Ryan

        Mama Mia! Mama mia! Fig-a-ro….

        • Thaumaturgist

          If you take that story literally, it’s time to toss your Bible in the trash because it’s doing you more harm than good.

      • Sam Hain

        Mama mia let me go!

  • OneDemin EOr

    It appears Aubrey and Kyle have a lot in common!

  • proudgrampa

    Kyle sounds like a guy I work with: doesn’t go to church, hasn’t read the bible. Not sure where he gets his christianity from. Westboro, maybe?

    • Helena Handbag

      It was revealed to him perhaps??

      • SterWonk

        Forgive the long quote, but it’s wonderful, and apropos.

        “Your trouble,” she replied, “is a failure of the imagination. These prophecies are — almost every one of them — vague, ambiguous, imprecise, open to fraud. They admit lots of possible interpretations. Even the straightforward prophecies direct from the top you try to weasel out of — like Jesus’ promise that the Kingdom of God would come in the lifetime of some people in his audience. And don’t tell me the Kingdom of God is within me. His audience understood him quite literally. You only quote the passages that seem to you fulfilled, and ignore the rest. And don’t forget there was a hunger to see prophecy fulfilled.

        “But imagine that your kind of god — omnipotent, omniscient, compassionate — really wanted to leave a record for future generations, to make his existence unmistakable to, say, the remote descendants of Moses. It’s easy, trivial. Just a few enigmatic phrases, and some fierce commandment that they be passed on unchanged…”

        Joss leaned forward almost imperceptibly. “Such as…?”

        “Such as `The Sun is a star.’ Or `Mars is a rusty place with deserts and volcanos, like Sinai.’ Or `A body in motion tends to remain in motion.’ Or — let’s see now” — she quickly scribbled some numbers on a pad — “`The Earth weighs a million million million million times as much as a child.’ Or — I recognize that both of you seem to have some trouble with special relativity, but it’s confirmed every day routinely in particle accelerators and cosmic rays — how about `There are no privileged frames of reference’? Or even `Thou shalt not travel faster than light.’ Anything they couldn’t possible have known three thousand years ago.”

        “What I’m saying is, if God wanted to send us a message, and ancient writings were the only way he could think of doing it, he could have done a better job. And he hardly had to confine himself to writings. Why isn’t there a monster crucifix orbiting the Earth? Why isn’t the surface of the Moon covered with the Ten Commandments? Why should God be so clear in the Bible and so obscure in the world?”

        Contact, Carl Sagan, Ch. 10: “Precession of the Equinoxes”

  • Helena Handbag

    scaramouch

    noun scar·a·mouch ˈskar-ə-ˌmüsh, -ˌmüch, -ˌmau̇ch
    Definition of SCARAMOUCH
    1
    capitalized :
    a stock character in the Italian commedia dell’arte that burlesques the
    Spanish don and is characterized by boastfulness and cowardliness
    2a : a cowardly buffoon

    • D Ash

      Yes, but that’s not the way the screen name is spelled. Or should I say, purposely misspelled. As in poetic license, or attempted punnishness.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Sally Rand,
        Sally Rand,
        Can we watch you fan dancing?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTEIWK9CaEs

      • Helena Handbag

        I took it more as one of those misheard lyrics things. like CCR sang “there’s a bathroom on the right”

        • natoslug

          “Is there a toe-tapping good time to be found in the bathroom on the right?”

          — Larry Craig

        • Jeamonn

          Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche, a runner in the night?

        • Vegan and Tiara

          When I was a kid that’s what I thought those lyrics actually said. I used to go around singing “there’s a bathroom on the right.”

        • doktorzoom

          The girl with colitis goes by.

          • willi0000000

            but Dok, really? . . . flandango?

            [ a dance for two sweetcakes . . . with castanets? ]

          • D Ash

            . . . and a blanc mange. Cannot forget the blanc mange. it wouldn’t be a proper menage-a’-trois without the blanc mange!

          • D Ash

            Oh, how the Beatles are gonna sue! You have defamed–
            never mind.

            I like it!

    • Spotts1701

      I prefer Scaramanga, as portrayed by the late Christopher Lee.

    • Mehmeisterjr
    • H0mer0

      “Che di nuovo buffone?”
      “Che d’usato piu noioso voi siete!”

  • Msgr_Moment

    Finally, Scientists Explains Why Hotel Sex Is So Damn Good

    Spoiler alert: bedbugs.

  • Spotts1701

    Ah, straight out of the Book of Threats. Cool.

    • The Wanderer

      Is that before or after the Book of Armaments?

  • Msgr_Moment

    Just as there are leftist extremists, there are crazy people calling themselves so-called Christians. In fact many pose as Christians just to make them look bad on purpose, especially online in forums like this.

    Me. False flaggot. Guilty.

  • dshwa

    Poor Clayton didn’t make the cut? But he tried so hard. Couldn’t we give him a participation medal?

    • natoslug

      Or at least a bronze star, a constellation prize, as it were.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Ah….GUN FREE ZONE and now SAFETY NET FOR LGBT….ISIS said they are coming to spill American Blood and Starbucks just went on their radar.

    Today we are all overpriced coffee, pretentiously served.

  • FlownOver

    “Now, if my logic is correct…”

    HAhahahahahahahah! See also “If sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.”

    • cousin itt

      This new stupid amazes me, Sir Bedivere.

      • D Ash

        That’s because it’s the worst sort– purposeful ignorance. Don’t like something? “Oh, I don’t believe in that, so you can’t do it! If you don’t quit, I’ll be offended, and then you’ll be in some serious shit!” Logical as quick sand for a foundation.

  • Kathy Kaufman Weber

    One thing your zealot chritian commentors do show us, they, as a group, have the least grasp on american english grammar. why god has chosen the dimmest bulbs I do not know, or why he creates so many.

    • D Ash

      doG apparently made it too easy for dim bulbs to depend on the cross as the penultimate crutch since they then do not have to think for themselves. Glad I escaped the clutches of conservative Christianity when I did.

      “All you have to do is believe!”

      uhmmm, no. there’s a whole lot more to it if you take the Gospel seriously.

    • danteardenz

      When your obsessed by a cut and paste job called, ” The Bybull”, particularly the King James version ,written in the parlance of 1668 ; than mix it with ” Murikan” , good English grammar is not the result.

  • Jeamonn

    why do I always miss the trolls? I love nothing more than peering into a freshly cracked open conservative mind (Full disclosure I look at my poop after I take one) just to try and understand what makes these people (allegedly) tick.

    • D Ash

      Thank you for TF’nMI. I did not wish to know that about you (or anyone else, for all that). But now I know this about you. Oh, okay– you get a wink:

      {;-)

    • Helena Handbag

      I imagine there to be little discernible difference between the two images.

      • Jeamonn

        thank you for getting the point. Both are related to health concerns.

  • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

    LOOK, IF YOU’RE GOING TO CAPSLOCK, GO ALL IN OR GO HOME.

    • D Ash

      Good, good . . . but I’m already home. Now what?

      • Ä Ğrümpy Çät

        GO MORE HOMER! HARDER!

    • Rick Hill

      IF YOU CAN’T ALL CAPS WITH THE BIG DOGS THEN STAY IN THE KITCHEN WITH YOUR SMALL CASE!!!1!”

    • Wombat

      Needs mørë ümlâutš

      • riledupone

        And diacriticals, also, too.

  • Joshua Norton

    Apparently “liberals” are waging a war on religious freedom! So say the people who want to wage an actual war on an actual religion.

  • D Ash

    I am sooooo waiting for the Rapture! Afterwards, this country will finally, finally be able to get its collective head out of the conglomerate arsehole it’s been firmly stuck inside of ever since the Millennium happened and Cheesie Rice failed to reappear. Once the Rapture happens, all the crazy, back-to-Mosaic-law-but-only-for-things-we-disagree . . . I mean -believe-are-sinful-and-are-not-MY-divorce-nor-MY-adultery people who like to think they are somehow “Christians” but fail miserably will be long gone and out of the way of Reality. The Universe will immediately right itself and return to its former stability and peace, love and joy will fill the——- –*!POP!*–

    Who do I think I’m kidding?! Well, it was a fun fantasy while it lasted.

    • Jenny

      Lol like those guys are going to actually get raptured!

      • D Ash

        I know that, you know that . . . but you’ll offend them if you don’t humour them. and then you’ll be sorry!

        {;-)

        • AntiDerpomeme

          They are the most easily offended little babies on the planet.

          • Land Shark

            That’s because their beliefs are so fragile.

          • eddi

            Their lack of faith is disturbing.

      • Biff52

        I despair the thought of them being left behind with us, though.

  • motmelere

    Wow, Kyle Steven, I think I just heard the ghost of ee cummings ask, “Doesn’t this guy know there are rules to punctuation?”

  • Rick Hill

    If jeebus was any kind of decent savior he’d either make the asshats have a change of heart when he saved them or he’d just say “nah, mang. We coo’, go on down the road to that other savior…”

  • Joshua Norton

    Cuss you lot are to busy Shoveling it down EVERYONE ELSES THROAT TILL THEY CHOKE.

    Hey, KylE: I suRe Do liKe the iDea of rAndOm capitAliZatIon.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I think it is time to find a new coffee shop GOOD BY STARBUCKS

    Shouldn’t that be “FAIRE WEL STARBUCKS?”

    • mfp

      good, by starbucks

      • Major_Major_Major

        I noticed that and made a similar comment above. Serves me write four knot reading awl comments.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Good bye. Starbucks! There are so many ways to creatively fuck up one simple Engrish frase.

        • JH Marx

          You aren’t ronwg.

    • LegionOfDo

      Good. Buy Starbucks!

      That’s what he wants, right?

  • Vegan and Tiara

    “…it appears that Skalamoosh was picking on a point the other commenter made, claiming that Republicans make lousy Christians since many of them favor unfettered capitalism over helping the poor,,,”
    Hey, “the other commenter” was little old me! I’m internet famous now.

    • Rick Hill

      Yur mah hero!!

      • Vegan and Tiara

        But am I the wind beneath your wings?

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah but that’s not a safe place down there….

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Lulz!

        • William_C_Diaz

          If youre a vegan the the issue is more likely to be the wind beneath your knees…

          Have a great day!

        • riledupone

          Said the fart to the pantiliner, or so goes the joke.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            Ba dum tish! Will you be here until Tuesday?

    • Helena Handbag

      Molotov!

  • cousin itt

    I Hold MY Christ IN MY HEART

    That could lead to significant blockage of blood flow to your brain. You may consider angioplasty or therapeutic weed to reduce the inflammation and stress.

  • OperationAmericanJesus

    “BTW, TRUE, Bible believing Christians, do NOT hate anyone. Opposing actions or choices isn’t hate.”

    But not allowing plastic baby Jesus action figures on Uncle Sam’s lawn is attacking Christians!

    And not allowing city councils to hijack government business whilst forcing their fundy fucking prayers onto taxpayers is Christian persekewshon!!

    And not allowing hysterical frothing fundies to pass 12th-century laws in the 21st century against gay people is Jeebus genocide and Destroying America®!

  • BloviateMe

    Hulk has no respect for your gods.

    https://youtu.be/30lGrarz3MQ

  • Tendernob

    Newsflash: You can’t be a Liberal and a Christian

    O RLY? TELL ME MOAR.

    Signed,
    A granddaughter of a preacher, with 16 years of Bible school and a degree from a Christian college, who lives in San Francisco, drives an electric car, and voted twice for Obama

    • Jenny

      Nope, not quite christian enough. The diet coke of Christian. Come back when you have a fish and truck nuts on your truck.

      • Jeamonn

        or a truck for that matter.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          It’s a girl my lord in a flat bed ford
          slowin down to get a line of sight on me with her AR. DUCK!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Don Henley must die…

          • William_C_Diaz

            Considering that song was written by well known abuser Jackson Browne, it is no wonder a woman is getting a sight picture…

            Have a great day!

            PS Former Jackson Browne fan here…

          • Beaumarchais?

            I am sorry to hear that.

        • mfp

          or….nutz?

      • riledupone

        And if you don’t have a truck you could just carry one of these-

        https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/scrote-n-tote-the-satchel-of-life#/

    • Incoming Ham

      You’re one of *those* Christians.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    ou have to be Politically Correct” , SCREW THAT .
    DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WISH THEM TO DO UNTO YOU. REMEMBER THAT.

    Dude. That IS what political correctness is all about.
    Do these guys just not get it is not about them not being able to use the n word?

    • H0mer0

      no of course they don’t get it, they don’t get that calling someone a cracker isn’t as ugly and dehumanizing as calling someone the n word, and it isn’t oppression to be told to watch your mouth, behave like adults and not put hateful and demeaning labels on groups of people.

    • bobbert

      SCREW OTHERS AS YOU WISH THEM TO SCREW YOU!!

      Wait…

  • Robyn Ryan

    ‘Life as Gotcha.’ The dichotomy between their total lack of rhetorical coherence, and the technology used to promulgate it is one long scream. We’re back to ‘counting coup’ through internet likes. No pixels were hurt in the spewing of this nonsense.

    Their world view seems to be one centered on competition between rival teams. Since Americans routinely chose sports over academics, it is logical that the competitive model is all they have been exposed to as valued. It is all they know. We stole their humanities. So we allowed them to fall into the abyss of ignorance. I blame State government.

    Dickens warned us of the danger posed by our children – ignorance and Want. Posts like these are warnings of barbarians at the gate. We ignore them at our peril.

  • Suzan McQueen

    I hope he meant: “Scaramouche is a roguish clown character from the Italian commedia dell’arte who wears a black mask and black trousers, shirt, and hat. He is usually portrayed as a buffoon or boastful clown.” because that would be perfect. Also, too, what Queen wrote.

  • Jenny

    Wait, didn’t Jerry Falwell and all his baptist cray cray proclaim that Christians were the moral majority? How’d these guys suddenly become persecuted? No one even invited me to the mass crucifixions!

    • Red State Pinko

      Overheard at a rightwing Christian discussion group:

      Nisus Wettus: Crucifixion?

      Mr. Cheeky: Er, no, freedom actually.

      …[…….. …. … ..]

      Nisus Wettus: Oh I say, that’s very nice. Well, off you go then.

      Mr. Cheeky: No, I’m just pulling your leg, it’s crucifixion really.

      Good to know what they really want. Those comments can get a little confusing.

  • Fartknocker

    I think for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza I’m going to send Doc a $50 gift card for some new bam hammers at Harbor Freight. I suspect this week he broken the handles on at least two of them. Harbor Freight makes the best bam hammers because they contain Lead from chinese smelters.

    • Biff52

      So bam hammer is what the cool kids call a dead-blow? I have to go back to NV to get those, CA outlawed ’em!

      • Jeamonn

        okay, I’ll bite. Why would CA outlaw dead blow hammers?

        • Major_Major_Major

          Because necrophilia is illegal?

          • William_C_Diaz

            I thought your name was Caleb?

            Have a great day!

        • Zippy

          too many meddling libtards- they ban everything fun

        • Biff52

          I believe it’s due to an overbroad interpretation of the lead shot ban. Also, choking hazard? Maybe. Probably.

          Also also, I think some manufacturers have made them with antimony shot instead of lead. Just not the same.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Mine’s filled with acrimony.

          • Jeamonn

            weird.

          • bobbert

            Osmium shot or GTFO.

  • danteardenz

    I knew these ” Bybull believers” ,as a child. My late cool mother, and even mainstream Christains referred to them as ” Happy Jumpers “.” Bible webblers ” etc.
    What is so alarming about them is how all of them are so predictable .

    I hear the same clices, insults, and circling mental mush in them today, as back than.

    Their original ” God” Yahweh, that Sumerian War monster surely must be an ” alien ” that keeps them programmed !

  • Jeamonn

    I may convert to Christianity just so I have something to bitch about.

    • Riggsveda

      Not enough time in the day.

    • smr06va

      If you start posting buybull quotes here, you are done…….

      • BloviateMe

        Not even “thy rod and thy staff” stuff? I thought we were cool with peen on peen action here.

        • smr06va

          Only if Evan approves appropriate graphics to accompany comments……which aren’t allowed anyway….

        • Zippy

          just use protection, so no one ends up with a burning bush

          • cousin itt

            So crabby today.

      • Jeamonn

        And lo, Abraham said unto the Lord…”um, wait…what?”

        • smr06va

          You have been warned………Let the xian persecution begin!!!11!!…

          • Jeamonn

            And Dizzy Gillespie blew his trumpet and the walls of Jericho came tumbling to the ground.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Not even Matthew 6:5-6?

        • smr06va

          Uuggghhhh!!! Fuck Coach Jeebus Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Msgr_Moment

          Hypocriteophobe!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Just make sure you’re white and male, also too.

      • Jeamonn

        Check and check…fuuuuuuuucccck, how much entitlement have I missed out on?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          My Favorite Facebook Idiot whinges incessantly about the insurmountable difficulties of being a white male from an affluent family. I’m considering a Kickstarter campaign to help him out.

          • willi0000000

            when do we start kicking?

          • jmk

            My idiot mother spends almost all her pity on the poor white men making above 300K a year – no one, apparently, speaks for them.

            Fun fact – my mother is pretty sure that her favorite child – my brother – makes above 300K a year.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            If he does indeed have the kind of income, he is obviously blessed by Jesus. No wonder your mother likes him best.

          • jmk

            We do tease him that it’s a miracle that she lets him sit on the furniture, what with the sun shining out his asshole and all.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Sit?? I would’ve thought he just hovers on his aura!

          • jmk

            That’s how he gets across bodies of water… it’s not actually walking ON the water, just hovering over it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Does he at least offer free rides to the kids?

          • jmk

            I certainly hope so… but I’ve not seen him do so with my own eyes.

            He must, though…his own kids think he’s awesome, also too.

          • bobbert

            Is he full of eels? That might explain the hovering.

          • theCryptofishist

            I’d be happy to start kicking him, but this is where having no feet makes things problematic. I suppose there’s always votes.

        • bobbert

          AOI,J?

  • Riggsveda

    (Paraphrasing): Being a liberal, you obviously don’t understand what liberalism is.

    Now, WHO can argue with that?

    • The Wanderer

      It’s in authentic Jebus gibberish!

  • Joshua Norton

    Evan Hurst has a REAL hate on for all Christians doesn’t he?

    I seriously doubt it. Like the rest of us, he just doesn’t have any use for people who think claiming “I’m a Christian” gives them a hall pass to act like complete assholes.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Oh my stars and garters, so much whining and projection! Shouldn’t these true “Christians” be focusing on their own salvation rather on which restaurant they find objectionable because it’s not excluding the right groups of people? I mean, The Rapture is happening any minute, they ought to be praying and fasting, not farting around on the Internet.

    • The Wanderer

      When the Freaks start effing at me about immorality and The Rupture, I point out that the Rupture is desirable to them, therefore they shouldn’t mind the gays and the trans and the War on Christmas and all the rest of it.

      I shake a finger at them and say, “Why are you delaying the End Times? Afraid you won’t make the cut?”

      • Biff52

        Besides, don’t they have gunz?

  • I’ve never been in a women’s public restroom, but if it involves sitting on the potties right out in the open — which it apparently does, from everything I keep hearing — I’ll stick to the relative privacy of the men’s room, which is already designed to keep us men from peeking at each other’s wet willies, thanks.

    • Jeamonn

      I have. They are pretty much like ours…less pee everywhere.

    • The Wanderer

      I thought the stall dividers were there to give you somewhere to put the gloryhole.

    • jmk

      From what I can tell, there is an element of communal peeing that happens in men’s rooms – with urinals and all – that does not happen in ladies’ rooms, mostly because of the logistical problems involved when women try to pee forward instead of down…so we only have stalls, with no al fresco pee facilities.

      Now, the doors on the stalls aren’t always lockable, but that’s the real reason we go to the loo in pairs – one holds the door closed while the other goes tinkle.

      • nmmagyar

        But why would you care if another woman (or anyone, for that matter) saw you taking a piss?

        • jmk

          We have to get a lot more naked to pee…so that’s a concern for some.

          • nmmagyar

            Fair enough. I just like getting naked for any and every occasion

          • thenearesthippie

            Grandpa?

  • Major_Major_Major

    I have to agree with that one feller “GOOD BY STARBUCKS”, although I would have phrased it more as ” Good on you, Starbucks”. Spelling, it matters

  • greyXstar

    Why are they so butthurt over what Starbucks does anyway? I thought only weak, loser liberals drank lattes from their elite ivory towers.

    • jmk

      Yes, but they want Starbucks to WANT them to drink the lattes that they so scornfully reject. The notion that Starbucks is so out of fucks to give about wingnut opinion that it didn’t turn every fucking piece of cardboard in the shop into a moving nativity scene to court them hurts their widdle feewings.

  • cousin itt

    Muscle Jesus™, wherever Marvel Comics deities are sold.

    • Vecciojohn

      The Fantastic Three-in-One.

      • Zippy

        with four on the floor

    • Enfant Terrible

      Looks like a juicer. Hence the short temper.

  • Zippy

    Guess the truth doesn’t matter… Agree with everything I want or face the consequences!

    That pretty much sums up every deleted commenter, ever.

  • TheBidenator

    I am a moralphilliac and therefore I must have chunks of bibble in my blood or I will bleed out and DIE.

  • Tendernob

    You obviously don’t understand conservatism, and have a skewed sense of what liberal agenda is. Conservatism base is less government, lower taxes, market freedom. Liberalism = big government, telling you how your money should be spent (high tax), reducing your freedom (gun control, making you pay for something you don’t believe in like BC, restricting your choice in education of your children)

    You obviously don’t understand Christianity, which has nothing to do with conservatism. Jesus didn’t oppose paying taxes [Matthew 22:21]; He decried income inequality [Matthew 19:24] and capitalism [John 2:14-16]; He commanded his followers to feed and clothe the poor – welfare, oh my! [Matthew 25:34-36]; He handed out free healthcare to those in need [1 John 3:17]; He opposed the death penalty [John 8]; He was a feminist (Galatians 3:28) and anti-war [Matthew 5:9]; and perhaps most relevantly, He despised people who put on loud displays of piety [Matthew 6-7].

    Also, Jesus had exactly zero fucks to give about how Christmas was celebrated. He was Jewish.

    • Zippy

      That, and if was interested in celebrating his birthday, he’d probably do it on the day he was actually born, not some day chosen to bring the tree worshipers on board

      • Tendernob

        Are you saying Kris Kristofferson lied to us? I haz a sad.

        • Zippy

          Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose

        • Enfant Terrible

          Well, I’m a Taurus and Tauruses don’t believe in astrology.

          • natoslug

            Fellow Taurus here, believes astrology is all bull. There’s no way the moon landing was real.

          • bobbert

            What you did there….

          • Incoming Ham

            They also didn’t get good gas mileage.

      • ibwilliamsi

        Christianists are tree-huggers! (snicker…)

    • Incoming Ham

      There you go with that bible-readin’ and critical thinkin’ again. These folks only read the parts of the bible that their wholesome church leadership tells them to. So much easier than having to work reading and understanding the whole thing.

    • malsperanza

      You’re assuming Christianists have any interest in or respect for Jesus or the authors of the gospels. This is foolish. They only read the St. Paul parts. The rest is just the usual commie crap spouted by Jews since before the days of yore.

      • eddi

        Most of them seem to prefer reading the Old Testament to the New. Or is that misinterpreting the Old Testament?

        • ahughes798

          They love to cherry pick the whole damn thing. Conservative Christians who keep harping on Old Testament BS should just convert to Judaism. Plus, Jesus was one of them there Jewishes, also, too.

      • SnarkOff

        To be fair, most of it makes absolutely no sense.

    • nightmoth

      That’s better than probably 95% of the sermons preached this morning.

    • nmmagyar

      I think I want to ask you to marry me

  • Jeamonn

    Christian commentators- I don’t always get on my high horse but when I do, I make sure that fuckers been sniffing glue.

  • TheBidenator

    I think Kyle Steven is auditioning for a job in general O’Reilly’s regiment playing the ole timey Christmas tune of “Blahblah O’Reilly” on the harpsicord…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Wasteland. It’s only Rightwing Wasteland.

      • JH Marx

        A half-vast Rightwing Wasteland.

  • BloviateMe

    Makes perfect sense.

  • smr06va

    Xians are vile…….

  • danteardenz

    These Fundamentalists, and they are in ALL Christian denominations don’t understand that Christ ,the New Covenant was ” the Liberal ” ,and the ” Conservatives, ” of the Old Covenant got Him killed.
    Tell them that,and watch them squeel !
    Be careful,its the ultimate politically incorrect doomsday bomb !

  • btwbfdimho

    If In God We Trust, and God is Everywhere, then we should Trust Our Hot Chai Lattes. http://40.media.tumblr.com/8411f7658a6cf5c977b14268b8da8480/tumblr_mcgwq4qeW11rayeajo2_r1_1280.jpg

    • D Ash

      OMG! Is he naked?! I can see his *****!!!! and that ain’t right! OMG!

      OMG says, “Yes? You like? You want some ‘Special Jeebus Juice’ in that latte’? Fresh, while you wait . . . . No?”

  • Zippy

    I was drinking at the spacebar last night while watching the debate

    • cousin itt

      I had a Tab

      and got indented off my ass.

      • Zippy

        just stay away from the hard stuff, you don’t want to lose ctrl

        • willi0000000

          ! or meet your

    • JH Marx

      I watched 2 episodes of Superman and saw the last hour of the debate.

  • Riggsveda

    BTW, you know who really declared war on Christmas? Christians. The Puritans and extremist Protestant sects put the kibosh on it, first in England where people eventually gave them the old heave-ho, and then in the colonies where they tossed people in jail for it. They called it “popery”, the devil’s work done by Catholics. Call us back when Obama and Starbucks start tossing your ignorant asses into the stocks. Morans.

    • Vecciojohn

      That’s before they realized Santa is white.

      • SterWonk

        But probably after they decided that Yeshua bin Joseph – a Semite – was white.

        • Zippy

          Blond, blue-eyed Jeebus or GTFO!

          • SterWonk

            I was going to say “white, blond, and blue-eyed”, but then I remembered that most of the European and North American iconography I’ve seen has him with brown eyes and light-brown hair.

          • Querolous

        • malsperanza

          Well, after they decided he was a gentile.

        • Vecciojohn

          There’s no Semite ?
          Like a white Semite
          There’s no Semite I know?
          Everything about them is appealing!
          ??????????

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I sort of scaled a mooch the other day when I stepped over the tweaker/drunk that sleeps outside the back door of my shop.

    • Vecciojohn

      I once scaled a mooch in Reno, just to watch him die.

      • theCryptofishist

        What to you scale a mooch with. I tried a glue gun, but burns.

        • Vecciojohn

          You remember the scene in Casino where they catch the cheater and ask him if he’s right handed?

          • theCryptofishist

            OH damn, my total split from pop culture cuts me otu again.
            Thanks, though.

          • Vecciojohn

            So, too good for pop cult, Mr. Highbrow? You think,you’re better than me? I fought the war for your sort. Snooty liberals and their elitism.

            I’ll drink as much as I want! Ya hear me?

          • theCryptofishist

            I don’t know if I have to take that from someone who’s name is apparently taken from that radical Italian, Verdi.

          • Vecciojohn

            You are clearly a person of letters and deep learning. I salute you.

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Z6Xb9N7aVg

          • theCryptofishist

            *sigh* I am too alienated from ‘Merca to see movies, so I haven’t a clue.

            Again.

  • Vecciojohn

    I think Kyle is a couple of Books short of a New Testament (modern regular American talk version).

    • cousin itt

      The Book of Fucks is the only one Jesus ever cared about, for the poor and downtrodden of society, all the others were just fanfic.

  • Lizzietish81

    Responsibiliphobia is the name of my new No Doubt Cover Band

    • Jeamonn

      Did I miss something about creating mental health terms? Can I just add aphobia to the end of a word and its a thing? Never mind not using Latin.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I suffer from affluenceophobia.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I don’t have affluenceophobia but affluence has mehmeisterjrophobia.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s a more accurate description of my condition, actually. I keep hoping modern science will come up with a cure.

          • Zippy

            they have one, you just can’t afford it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Curse Obamacare!

          • pstockholm

            Seems to be catching.

      • The Wanderer

        Bunga-bungaphobia: Fear of being molested by the Prime Minister of Italy.

        • Jeamonn

          • bobbert

            How do we survive without Larson?

  • kaw143

    Blargh. After the week that was, I can’t even snark anymore. . .

  • Lizzietish81
    • “Okay, Lord, we understand. Love everyone. Except tax collectors, prostitutes, Romans and Samaritans.”

    • Suse

      That’s “Nice Jesus.” These guys worship “Mean Jesus.”

      • thixotropic jerk

        Hello? Mormon Church?

  • malsperanza

    It’s true: liberals do have a skewed understanding of the liberal agenda. It’s a pretty serious problem, and I appreciate right-wingers’ efforts to explain us to us.

    In return, we should make an effort to explain rightwingers to themselves. OK, here goes:

    Dear rightwingers: you don’t accept basic facts of physics. You deny history. You are pig-ignorant, devoid of compassion, charity, and decency. You are filled with hate, violence, and greed.

    You’re welcome!

  • lucidamente

    You know who else liked “deep-seeded jokes?”

    • Zippy

      that Florida lady with the Xanax up her butt?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Tracy Kiss?

      • YayConspiracy

        I thought she preferred deep-seeded cheeks.

    • DemmeFatale

      Bakers?

    • dshwa

      Gardeners?

    • Vecciojohn

      Jethro Tull?

      • bobbert

        Which one? Jethro or the band?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Luther Burbank?

    • Biff52

      Neil Young?

    • Suse

      Besides which, it’s “deep-seated.”

      • H0mer0

        they both could apply to Miss Lindsey if you know what I mean…

      • bobbert

        Okay, then, Kim Kardashian.

    • theCryptofishist

      Onan?

      • nmmagyar

        I don’t think he cared where the seed ended up

    • thixotropic jerk

      Dunno but they always stick in my toofs!

    • SnarkOff

      Heetler?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Every Monsanto sales rep ever?

  • Bill Slider

    Wonkette in Satanese means bend over, stfu, and take it like a man. It does not mean we hate Christians. In fact, some of the best posts are about Christians, also known as sky-puppet followers, holy fuckers and fuckettes, sickfucks, graduates of Liberty University, as well as Muslim washouts, enlightened Jews, and Republicans.

  • ibwilliamsi

    That’s pretty uncool that we libtards told Skalamoosh that he can’t pay for private school for his kids out of his own pocket. I had no idea that we were so libtarded!

  • Objectifer

    I think Kyle may be Dr. Bronner’s ghost writer.

    ALL ONE!

    • Jeamonn

      Love that soap. But I always end up taking a shower for too long reading the insanity on that bottle.

  • TheBidenator

    Nothing like a nexus of Christmas, tolerance and compassion to being out the most hateful of Christian loons and apparently according to some wingnuts ISIL is Santi Claus now…I wonder if it would really piss the nuts off to refer to them as Daesh.

  • Mahousu

    I don’t think that was an ellipsis, rather Skalamoosh was sending a secret message in Morse code. Hmm, let’s try translating it … OK, it’s “EEIEII.” I think that’s something we can all agree with. You see, it is possible to find common ground!

    • Spotts1701

      Are you sure it’s not his last remaining brain cell screaming in agony?

      • willi0000000

        being last implies there was a first . . . assumes facts not in evidence.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      ‘O’

  • Marie Watkins Crocker

    It’s on days like these, when reminded (again) of the wingnuttery of various religions (oy gevalt!), that I’m truly grateful for having shaken those shackles.

    • Vecciojohn

      Backslider! Come home to the one true Church!

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=47gipMuzt0Y

      • Jeamonn

        Isn’t Snake Handler Lindsey Grahams’ Grndr profile name?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          ISWYDT

        • Vecciojohn

          Snort! It’s too good not to be true.

  • Vecciojohn

    I hate Christians for not letting me put on a dress and show my John Thomas to little girls in public bathrooms. That’s why I’m a proud Democrat. Also, I urge every Christian woman in America to have an abortion, just to show your husband that he’s not the boss of you. If he gives you any shit, turn lesbian. Or convert to Muslimism and become a terrorist.

    PS: Jesus sucks, Satan rocks!

    Sincerely yours,

    Vecchio bin Laden.

  • Pecker Rider of Pern

    RESPECT MY MERRY CHRISTMAS. You, sing and dance with JOY. And YOU, more GAIETY! I will see you all frolicking and wassailing this blessed season or so help me GOD, Christ won’t be the only one X’d out of Xmas.

    • The Wanderer

      I have only canned wassail left over from last year. Do you think it’s still good?

      • Pecker Rider of Pern

        What, only canned? PATHETIC. I bet you’ve got some lame excuse for not bashing a GAY, too.

      • Biff52

        All I know about wassail I learned from Martha Stewart.

        • Vecciojohn

          I guess it is a wonderful life, after all.

    • Don’t forget the figgy pudding.

      • Pecker Rider of Pern

        I have NEVER forgotten figgy pudding. I am just so fucking JOYFUL right now, don’t get me started.

      • Vecciojohn

        It’s the most wonderful time of the goddamn year, and some son of a bitch goes and forgets the figgy pudding.

      • bozilingus

        Screw the figgy pudding, just don’t forget the gravy.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aH7bEytedtE

    • Enfant Terrible

      “I think it is clear to everyone what happens in the Fifth [Symphony].
      The rejoicing is forced, created under threat. It’s as if someone were
      beating you with a stick and saying, ‘Your business is rejoicing, your
      business is rejoicing …’”
      — Dmitri Shostakovich

      • Pecker Rider of Pern

        DAMN STRAIGHT

      • theCryptofishist

        Poor Dmitri. That quote could easily be applied to other things in his life.

    • Vecciojohn

      “I will rejoice harder,” said Boxer.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Here ya go

  • Jeamonn

    I would persecute Christians, but I just can’t compete with them.

    • nmmagyar

      I’m just lazy

  • Phineas J. Cracker

    Well, golly, I had no idea just how conservative I actually am, but I did find the logic of Skalamoosh very compelling. Apparently, when I would rather abjure the use of my tax dollars in the support of endless warfare and corporate welfare, I am being a conservative. Who knew?

    And Preacher Cruz? What an educator! Thank you for passing along his (I am totally guessing here) deep level of contemplative erudition. I am in complete sympathy with his sense that people are bashing Christians, just because they’re Christians. Why, I remember so well the Christmas I was given a bb gun and thought it would be just spiffy to shoot out the window in our neighbor’s garage. Well, if you can believe it, my Liberal parents beat my butt purple, just because I was a boy! So unfair.

  • Anarchy Pony

    “You obviously don’t understand conservatism, and have a skewed sense of what liberal agenda is. Conservatism base is less government[Less democratic control of the institutions that influence society], lower taxes, market freedom[taking and profiting from the commons and refusing to reciprocate and contribute to the common good]. Liberalism = big government, telling you how your money should be spent (high tax)[because conservatives never do that], reducing your freedom (gun control[because more guns is always good], making you pay for something you don’t believe in like BC[but the MIC is fine], restricting your choice in education of your children)[‘Cause bible is all they need to know]

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yup, do believe you’ve hit the high points of the derp of “conservatives”.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      When I asked Skalamooch how he felt about the rights of two same sex adults to marry each other, he didn’t answer.

  • Last Hussar

    Sometimes a shitty comment is worth it when if produces this

    with the username “Skalamoosh” (who may or may not do the flandango)

    • H0mer0

      mmmm…flaaan!

  • Kyle needs to lay off the grain alcohol.

    • Jeamonn

      and rain water

      • Steverino247

        And sniffing the nuke warheads on the flight line.

        • H0mer0

          I didn’t know you could do that

          • Steverino247

            You learn something every day.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          That’s going to attract the attention of the APs, isn’t it?

          • Steverino247

            Not if you’re General Jack Ripper…

    • thixotropic jerk

      S”okay, he got some of Dr. BenBrian’s Pyramid Homebrew

  • DemmeFatale

    What do you think?

    The pathetic spelling and grammar errors of RWNJs are the result of:
    1. Home schooling
    2. The stupid
    3. Ignorance

    • YayConspiracy

      AOT,K

    • Incoming Ham

      4. The belief that looking dumb is preferable to looking smart (or at least like they are smarter than a sixth grader.)

    • Vecciojohn

      It’s the Internet, STPUD LIB! Spelling and grammar DONT count. !! . . .

    • theCryptofishist

      2 and 3, plus 4, born with it. I don’t spell well, but spellcheck helps a lot. If they don’t know to use spellcheck, that’s stupid and ignorant, not to cover what they are born with.
      Fuck, I’m using wingnut sentence structure. Better go get exorcised.

  • Incoming Ham

    “…there are crazy people calling themselves so-called Christians. In fact many pose as Christians just to make them look bad on purpose, especially online in forums like this.”

    I think you’ll find there are plenty of the real thing to make it completely unnecessary to pose as a crazy christian to make them look bad. They have it covered.

    • Zippy

      no true Christian

      • theCryptofishist

        Bring me a piece of the True Christian for my reliquary.

    • nmmagyar

      It seems like a waste of time to pose as a “so-called Christian”. When I troll Jesus-sites I totally pose as a “True Christian”

      • Incoming Ham

        Not a “Warrior for Jesus?”

        • nmmagyar

          See below re: lazy

          • Incoming Ham

            Armchair warrior for Jesus (that branch of his military is YOOUGGE)

          • H0mer0

            a bottom for Jeebus? (I think St John had dibs on that “position”)

          • nmmagyar

            More like ‘versatile’, actually

          • thixotropic jerk

            I hear he gave the best head…

            …too soon?

          • H0mer0

            that was a different “John”

          • Vecciojohn

            To be fair, I fight the war on Jesus’s birthday mostly from the couch.

        • theCryptofishist

          That’s so “muscular Christianity” therefore dated.

    • Vecciojohn

      There’s no parody like self-parody. It says so in the Bible!

      • theCryptofishist

        Proverbs, right?

    • thixotropic jerk

      Oh Those Kwazee Kwischuns and their Penitenchul Poses!

  • YayConspiracy

    Did Kyle miss his nap again?

  • glennisw

    You can’t be a Liberal and a Christian because liberals promote killing unborn people . . ..

    But killing borneded people, with guns, lethal injection and war? Why, that’s Christian!

    • H0mer0

      and also too: dressing up in costumes, playing silly games, hiding out in treetops and shouting out rude names.

    • Biff52

      Not only xtian, but pro-life!

      • Vecciojohn

        What could be more xian than murdering a receptionist at an abortionplex?

    • Anarchy Pony

      Actual biblical rule against abortion please.

  • Steverino247

    I’ll just leave this here for our deluded visitors:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPD1YGghtDk

  • JD Mulvey

    Westboro Baptist are Democrats? I sense a new nutjob meme here.

    • nmmagyar

      Old man Phelps ran for office as a Dem 3,000 years ago, ergo all WBC members vote Dem

      • Zippy

        it’s the one drop rule

      • Spotts1701

        You mean the Old Man Phelps who got thrown out of his own bigoted “church” for not remaining a bigot until the day he died?

        • nmmagyar

          I once spent a really fucked up weekend trying to decipher the Theology of what it meant to be ex-communicated by WBC. (It was actually a tax dodge/scam to get need-based benefits – he had to post no assets)

      • RoyalUglyDude

        That explains Hillary. Once a Goldwater girl, always a Goldwater girl.

  • glennisw

    I didn’t say “A moment of silence.” I said, “prayer!”

    Good, then Aubrey will be pleased to hear the Hindi prayer I plan to say.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Or this: “Lord, save us from your followers”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I pray to FSM that she pelt Aubrey with 10,000 meatballs, marinara, and a lot of grated Parmesan.

      • Vecciojohn

        Make it alla puttenesca.

    • eddi

      Blessed be. Blessed be.

  • Incoming Ham

    i.e. follow Jesus, not Jesus®

    • Zippy

      better hurry, he just left Chicago

      • Incoming Ham

        But he just can’t seem to quit people’s imaginations.

      • Msgr_Moment

        TCB

    • btwbfdimho

      He will be back once we remove that cross, an infame instrument of torture. What about an electric chair, instead?
      Or is this an ad from the Cruz campaign for Presidente?

  • Zippy

    I wonder if any of these nitwit Evangelicals has realized that their hero Ben Carson and his fellow seventh day adventists don’t even celebrate Christmas?

    • Jenny

      Pfft no, they just know they love forcing their white jesus beliefs on other people, just like they do!

    • bobbert

      Not strictly true. You may be thinking of JWs. The SDA church doesn’t prescribe any holy days (except, you know, Saturdays), but it also doesn’t prohibit members from celebrating them. In their view, what you’re celebrating at Christmas is the Nativity — it doesn’t really matter what day of the year it happened.

      Not an SDA, more of a hopeful Deist these days, but there’s a flock of ’em up here, and you can even talk to them.

      • Zippy

        yes and no. You’re correct that they don’t specifically forbid it like the JWs, but the SDA don’t recognize it as a holiday. They’re not nearly as nasty about it as the JWs, who also refuse to celebrate people’s birthdays

  • Suse

    Vote for the Word Salad party’s Ben Carson/Kyle Steven 2016!

  • Gorillionaire

    RESPECT MY MERRY CHRISTMAS

    • Enfant Terrible

      “The beatings will continue until morale improves”.

      • nmmagyar

        Dad?

    • nightmoth

      That’s MARY CHRISTMAS for goddess worshippers.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Skalamoosh” sounds like one of those innumerable small streams to the NE of Seattle that overflow when the November storms hit.

    • Zippy

      coming off Snoqualmie Summit

      • Vecciojohn

        Or Glacier Peak in Snohomish County.

  • marxalot

    The phrase “Bible-believing Christian” triggers a revulsion response in me that I can only describe as Pavlovian.

    • Oscar Wildling

      So you’re currently salivating?

      • Zippy

        ring that bell…

    • Vecciojohn

      The one that kills me is, “I am not ashamed to say that Jesus Christ is my savior.” Uh, who the hell said you should be? A little defensive, are we?

  • Kelly Hamilton

    I know many true Christians — the genuine kind who actually follow the teachings of Jesus. They are ALL DEMOCRATS. The fact is, every Republican policy mocks the teachings of Jesus, who would puke in their presence. Republican contempt for the poor and downtrodden is actually as far from the teachings of Jesus as it is possible to get. I know a few truly phony high-ranking clergymen, and they are all Republicans and repellant for their hypocrisy. All Republicans, of course, are repellant.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The alleged “Christians” who are Rethuglicans are actually Mammon worshipers. The “prosperity gospel” is perhaps the greatest heresy ever promulgated in all of the history of Christianity.

      • Ducksworthy

        I do wish Moses or whoever had listed “raising money in the name of Gawd for personal or political use” as a specific example of taking Gawd’s name in vain.

        • nmmagyar

          Jesus whipping the money changers really should adequately illustrate His opinion

    • Vegan and Tiara

      I was the commenter who told Skalamoosh he could either be a good Christian OR a good Republican, that he couldn’t be both. I told him that for the exact reasons you just stated. There’s nothing Christian about the GOP. They have more in common with Nazis than they have with true Christians. Skalamoosh wasn’t as repulsive as a lot of them, but he was repulsive enough.

    • Nervous Rex

      Seems pretty obvious Jehova is Republican and Jesus is Democrat.

      • thenearesthippie

        Makes for uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinners.

        • nmmagyar

          The way He intended it when He created the Holiday

          • theCryptofishist

            Don’t forget to set an extra plate for Jesus, or Elijah, if that’s how you swing.

          • nmmagyar

            Elijah gets nothing but desserts in our household. That I eat after the company has left.

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, I hope he doesn’t develop diabetes.

      • bobbert

        So the Ghost holds the tiebreaker?

    • thixotropic jerk

      I can’t believe I am going to say this buuuuuuuuut I know some “old school” repubs and while we have disagreements, some fairly serious, they are actually pretty decent folks, for the most part, and find teabaggery repugnant.

      But don’t you dare try to get anything free from Republican Jeebus!

  • SnarkOff

    It absolutely astounds me that William Butler Yeats, Albert Einstein, Mozart, Marie Curie, Isaac Newton, Shakespeare, Anne Frank, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman, Amelia Earhart, Gandhi and Jesus are of the same species as these commenters.

    • Vecciojohn

      Do you know Yeats’ poem, Wingnut to Wingnut Cried?

    • Oscar Wildling

      But are they, really?

    • Biff52
    • theCryptofishist

      Well, it does put in perspective just what they had to deal with, doesn’t it.

      Plus, Newton, he could be shit-for-brains when he wasn’t doing actual science.

  • Suse

    I’ve been in quite a few Starbuckses in my time. None of them have had bathrooms for more than one person at a time. Plus, they have these cool things called “locks” on the doors to keep out your scary LBGTQs (“Q – what does it mean? Question?”).

    • RoyalUglyDude

      Starbucks should have TWO restrooms, clearly marked “peens” and “hoo-hahs” just like the Bible prescribes.

    • Brianna Amoré

      Questioning. As in “haven’t come out of the closet yet so I can’t be labeled”.

      • theCryptofishist

        Or “Queer”, because some of those pejoratized have slippery sexual identities.

    • SnarkOff

      The Q is for “Quit whipping out your dick in the ladies’ bathroom.”

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Jesuphobia, Responsibiliphobia, moraliphobia are running rampant up in here.

    That’s nothing 5 cents worth of psychiatric help won’t fix.

    • nmmagyar

      Lucy Van Pelt will cut a bitch

      • Suse

        She doesn’t suffer fools gladly.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The Doctor is IN!

        • Oscar Wildling

          Don’t kick that ball, man, don’t kick that…awww.

    • btwbfdimho

      Me have no Jesuphobia but Jesufreakphobia, big time, in particular because I live in Texas and don’t have guns.

      • Vecciojohn

        Then Texas ain’t big enough for the two of us, tenderfoot. What kind of side-windin’ yella-bellied hoss thief don’t carry a shootin’ iron?

  • YayConspiracy

    …Jesuphobia, Responsibiliphobia, moraliphobia are running rampant up in here…

    Well, let’s not forget coprolalia.

    • Ducksworthy

      I’d like to mention the rampant spread of morbid fetophilia in recent years.

  • btwbfdimho

    “No guarantees if a LGBT person tries getting help in a Mosque but…”

    If a “LGBT person” (sic) tries getting help in a Mosque, then you can guarantee that her/his priest will be very jealous.

    • Oscar Wildling

      You can’t get a good BLT in a mosque.

      • Vecciojohn

        The Reformed Temple in my neighborhood serves them, but they use turkey bacon.

        • Oscar Wildling

          Well, there you go.

          • btwbfdimho

            A BLT prepared by vegan Turkish people becomes a TLT, or Tofurkish Lettuce Tomate.

          • Oscar Wildling

            But is it it yummy?

          • nmmagyar

            No, it is not. Nothing with Tof- anything is yummy.

          • Oscar Wildling

            I thought as much.

          • ahughes798

            It depends on how it’s prepared, IMO.

          • nmmagyar

            I like tofu (and was a vegetarian for a couple years), but tof-anything is of the devil and should be banned by the UN

          • Tansy Geek

            Even those slightly rubbery but edible Tofu Pups?

          • nmmagyar

            I don’t think I ever ate those

          • ahughes798

            Yes. Tofu shouldn’t aspire to be anything other than tofu. Be you, tofu.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    As a tall woman who is strong, athletic, but not thin: little is more annoying when these wingers make fun of FLOTUS for the same.

    Michelle Obama is a beautiful woman, in fabulous shape. She is to be emulated, not made fun of simply because she is broad shouldered and tall, for crying out loud.

    I’ve had it up to here [ indicates a place about 3 feet above head ] with the Tinkerbell syndrome – small and annoying is best for a girl? The rest of you? Field hands or some such shit.

    Go fuck yourself ‘Hillary’; I doubt there is a ‘fieldhand’ volunteering to do it for you.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      The people posting comments about Michelle’s looks, are probably wildly out of shape and it makes them feel better about themselves.

      • Biff52

        See: limbaugh.

    • Vecciojohn

      FLOTUS is a stunning beautiful, highly accomplished woman. AND she’s black. If you are a rather pathetic white male, few things could be scarier.

      • tim

        Who had to surrender her bar license to avoid insurance fraud charges. Both her and barry.

        • nightmoth

          There are lies and then there are damn lies.
          Yours is the latter.

          • tim

            It’s funny to see the left get so butt hurt when offended, it’s a lifestyle after all.

          • Oscar Wildling

            You’re much more than fashionably late, Tim.

          • theCryptofishist

            Is he saying butthurt is a lifestyle? Can I buy it at Target, excuse me le tarjay?

          • nmmagyar

            Pier 1

          • ahughes798

            There’s nothing wrong with telling outright lies, tim?

          • Anarchy Pony

            You’re projecting so hard you could get work in a cineplex.

          • nightmoth

            Butt hurt swings both ways, Timmy, and if you’re doing it right, it doesn’t hurt,
            although I think it does require more finesse than oral. But you just keep pumping like the missionaries taught you.

          • thixotropic jerk

            It’s funny to see a racist jew-hating (yes, I sadly took a moment to read some of your other nasty comments elsewhere) shit stain pretend he’s relevant. I believe you want Stormfront, dumbass, that’s through the cesspool, first turd on your right, open wide and say “aaaaaaahhhhhh!”

        • thenearesthippie

          This is well established bullshit. Your fuckwittery is noted.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          tim, you’re a twat. A twatwaffle. And a twit.

          • Tansy Geek

            And a twunt too.

        • thixotropic jerk

          T.I.M.
          Trolling
          Idiot
          McGuffin

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          See you next week when you’re featured in Dear Shitferbrains. Nice work, brah.

          • eddi

            I don’t think he will make the cut. Crude, juvenile sex “jokes” are nowhere the creative genius of the ones like Kyle. Remember alway seek Kyle for real trolling.

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          When people criticize gorgeous women for being the wrong kind of gorgeous it make my middle aged lady brain hurt.

        • doktorzoom

          Yessir, when somebody’s comment history includes something like the following, it’s pretty easy to decide whether to banhammer ’em:

          Banks are thee main tool of control followed by media (admittedly jew controlled and bragged about by them) then education… Jews make up 2% ofthe American population and occupy 33% of the supreme court.
          With your dated disinformation and your whinning victim jew canard you must be shilling for the ADL or the SPLC.The jewish religion is paganism.

          User blocked but comments left for amusement purposes.

          • natoslug

            Thank you. It’s Martini Sunday, and I’ve been away from the ‘net for a few hours. I usually miss all of the initial comments from the next week’s crop of deleted commenters, so it’s nice to be able to see a contender’s contribution while it is still fresh. Steaming and drawing flies, but still fresh.

      • Brianna Amoré

        Look how they treat Venus and Serena!

        • Vecciojohn

          I know how I’d like to treat them. * Does Milhaus eyebrow waggle*

      • Villago Delenda Est

        FLOTUS is a fuckin’ babe. No question about it.

      • Wassamatta U Alumnus

        Or more rich.

    • nmmagyar

      Women like you and FLOTUS (confident, athletic, strong) don’t fit into the mold of the submissive wife who cringes in terror when her big, strong Husband raises his hand over dinner being 10 minutes late.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hey Laaaaaaaady!

    • JD Mulvey

      “Small people” are “annoying”?

      Wonkette is supposed to be a place where the small can be comfortable being small and proud. So eff yourself, and your big and broad bigotry.

  • Billy Rubin

    *Always* with the lurid threats of perverts sneaking into the women’s toilet! This meme just mystifies me. How exactly is being dickish to sexual minorities supposed to make restrooms safer? Why does this insecurity resonate with these children?

    • Squirrel_t_robot

      There is a bathroom obsession in right wing America, apparently.

      • Suse

        We must be allowed to open carry in public restrooms!

        • Msgr_Moment

          I think they prefer Concealed Carry, plus a wide stance.

      • tim

        Sounds more like left wing obsession, they are the one recently finding the notion a bathroom is no longer supportive and comfortable for them.

        • jmk

          Did the drugs kick in halfway through that sentence, cupcake?

          • D Ash

            Mmmmmm, good times! Good times. (sigh– now I have a reminisce)

        • JD Mulvey

          I’m not comfortable in any public restroom that allows “tim.” Non-restrooms too.

        • thixotropic jerk

          What’s it feel like to be so full of hate that you make the whole room smell like shit? Oh, wait , who cares: FLUUUUUUUSH!!!

        • mailman27

          An anti-prepositional!!11!!1111!!

    • nightmoth

      Something something Larry Craig? Cover blown? (tee-hee: blown)

    • bozilingus

      It is still OK if lesbians use the women’s bathroom, amirite?

      • Vecciojohn

        It’s all right, but they should still be ashamed of their sick urges.

        • nmmagyar

          …unless they film it or invite the neighbors over to watch

          • Vecciojohn

            I think it’s ok in college too, before your third year. Then, you meet this Italian guy.

          • nmmagyar

            That explains my cousin who ended up with two Masters degrees before she became straight

          • D Ash

            . . . but then it turns out he offed your roommate while you were doing something, something, something in the mutter, mutter and were definitely NOT wherever the dirty deed was dooded and have no idea what was used or could possibly have caused it. All good times, though, all good times!

    • clubseal

      I’d certainly not be upset if a woman whipped out her vagina in the men’s room. Not that I know whether a vagina can be whipped out, and no, I don’t want any links or videos to answer that question.

      • ahughes798

        I have never, in my 56 years of being female, ever seen a woman whip out her pubic area in a public restroom, and I’ve played music in some seedy-ass bars in Chicago. You know, ones where the signs on the bathroom doors are only a suggestion? I also know it would be really painful, and fatal, to whip out one’s vagina to use the terlet. And also too, women don’t urinate through their vaginas.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Yes, I grasp the physical impossibility of “whipping out” a vagina. Unless one is doing something non-standard with whipping cream…

        • thixotropic jerk

          I know this is fake yet it seems like it could quite possibly even maybe be very truthy. It would be irresponsible not to “specula-ate”…

          …I’m sorry…

          …Ok, I’m not sorry, it’s Sunday on Wonkette, deal with it!

          • ahughes798

            It would stirrup a lot of controversy, if it were true.

      • thixotropic jerk

        I have been whipped, by one vag in particular, for several years now, but not yet in a men’s room, although that may be coming (heh-heh, I wrote “coming”)–

        –Ow!! OW!!! Hey, Babe! I’m typing!

        (Missus TJ wields a short leash –along with the v-whip!)

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been in a Starbucks bathroom, but I remember them as being no stall. Therefore, they could be bathrooms without genders assigned and no one would see anyone’s genitalia if everyone locked the door behind them.

      Or am I missing something?

      • david green

        Just the opportunity to be A Idiot.

        • theCryptofishist

          Ah, I seem adept at finding those elsewhere, so, I’m good.

  • motmelere

    Silly Wonkette, the question “What is a real Christian?” wont be settled in blog comments. That will be decided when the Living God Baptist Theocrats battle the New Anglican Men for Benevolent Love in America. There will be blood, metric fucktons of blood, but somebody will prove how much they love the lord. Still no answer to where that Q came from.

  • r m reddicks

    So Kyle’s a pfffter and Kalamoosh has been deeply seeded? Sounds kind of satanic to me.

    • proudgrampa

      Some of my best friends are “deeply seeded.”

      • theCryptofishist

        Are these friends also “crackers”?

    • ahughes798

      Or really, really homosexican.

    • nmmagyar

      I have never heard that term used outside gay porn…

      • r m reddicks

        I think the Brits sometimes use the word poofter. I must admit to having no first hand knowledge.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    ..

  • Callyson

    ust as there are leftist extremists, there are crazy people calling themselves so-called Christians

    Yo, Skalamoosh? I’ve heard wingnuts call themselves many things, but I’ve never heard one refer to himself or herself as a so-called Christian. Though it would be rather refreshing if one did so…

    • nightmoth

      That would require a degree of self-awareness somewhat above algae.

      • theCryptofishist

        Blue green? Green (oh how eco)? Red (commie!) Golden? (I’ll leave that to the reader)
        Inquiring eukaryotes want to know.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “I will NOT WORRY about anyone else’s Soul. I have also copied and posted this post along with a link to this article on other sites.
    Yes that also means a screen capture of this post , Showing it had been posted here.”

    Did anyone ask Kyle to make a canvas giclee of the post and sign it for them?

    • ahughes798

      It could be a new item in the Ye Olde Wonkette Gift Emporium!.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Dude!

      • riledupone

        It could be printed on the back of the panties with teeth.

    • mailman27

      To be extra careful, it was also mailed in a self-addressed stamped envelope.

      • Juan de Fuca

        “If you are reading this, it likely means that MY POST has BEEN DELETED.”

  • Jenny

    Kyle is being a good christian, I think? I think that was his point? You do you, Kyle.

  • nightmoth

    Remember the Abraham Lincoln Brigade, real christianists? Probably not. Look them up, then call yourselves the Crusader Brigade and go fight in the mideast. Oh, and bring me back a sliver of the true cross while you’re at it. I hear it cures colds.

    • Wombat

      Me too. These cold meds are doing nothing for me and i even got the good kind.

      • david green

        Try to keep up with technology. I’m sure, that if you check eBay, you can bid on a sliver of the true cross and not have to leave your living room. I will warn you, however, to avoid the ones that claim to be autographed. I think those are a scam.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Aww shit! I knew it was too good a deal esp with the “genuine threads of the shroud” gift wrap included for free! What the hell am I going to give as gifts for Solstice now? Custom Yule Log cupcakes are so 2014! Ideas?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Oh sure, we’d start off with a Martin Luther Brigade. But soon there’d be a John Calvin Brigade and then a John Wesley Brigade. Watch out for the Torquemada Brigade – they’ll cut a bitch.

      • bobbert

        The John Calvin Brigade would have the tactical advantage of not requiring communications, because all their actions would be predestined.

        • richardgrabman

          Theological upfist of the day.

      • Vienna Woods

        ” Watch out for the Torquemada Brigade – they’ll cut a bitch.”

        They’d have the advantage of surprise- nobody expects them!

  • Enfant Terrible

    “As a kid (I am now about a month from 79) I watched the world try to “X” Christ out of it. That failed, … ”

    I missed this before, but many Christians still use “Xmas” as shorthand for Christmas. ‘x’ or the Greek letter ‘chi’ is shorthand for “Christ”, and its use dates back several centuries.

    • ahughes798

      Trying to use facts to educate these people is like staying awake all night waiting for the mice to start farting. .

      • gene108

        On a wild guess, I assume mice pass gas. Therefore I do not think you’d have to wait too long.

        • david green

          However, if the mouse is big enough that you can acxtually hear it fart, leave the room immediately.

          • doktorzoom

            Not the Rodents Of Unusual Size….

          • Hawker40

            I don’t think they exist.

          • Wassamatta U Alumnus

            Silent but deadly.

        • ahughes798

          Yes, but if a mouse farts in the wall, and no one hears it, does it really make a sound?

    • Biff52
    • malsperanza

      You mean, X as in the Chi-Rho christogram, which dates to the early 4th century C.E.?

      Our Moran friend probably thinks its an emoticon meaning “I stick out my tongue at Christians.”

      ETA: damn that’s big. Can’t seem to find a smaller one, sorry.

      http://www.clker.com/cliparts/0/6/4/6/13706639221688882744black%20chi%20rho-md.png

    • malsperanza

      You mean, X as in the Chi-Rho christogram, which dates to the early 4th century C.E.?

      Our Moran friend probably thinks its an emoticon meaning “I stick out my tongue at Christians.”

      ETA: damn that’s big. Can’t seem to find a smaller one, sorry.

      http://www.clker.com/cliparts/0/6/4/6/13706639221688882744black%20chi%20rho-md.png

      • Enfant Terrible

        “Our Moran friend probably thinks its an emoticon meaning ‘I stick out my tongue at Christians.'”

        ROTFL!

        • John Orendorff

          When a kid (I’m 81), I was told that the use of X was a communist plot because in algebra X stands for the unknown.

    • theCryptofishist

      So, 65 years ago, or 70 years ago is better, so 9 or 10, the world tried to “X” Christ out of Christmas… 70 years ago is 1945… So, trying to defeat the Japanese was some sort of proxy war on Christ?

  • JD Mulvey

    The public restroom issue… Now, how to pin it on Hillary?

    • Biff52

      Trust me:

      • theCryptofishist

        I miss Spy.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Spy was AWESOME. They gave us the greatest label ever for The Donald: “Short-fingered vulgarian.”

          • jmk

            It landed me in something of a dilemma… former Senator Al D’Amato was on the board of directors of the company I worked for in the early 00s and I shared an elevator with him one time, and I didn’t know what to say… I had three options – “hey, you went to school with my dad,” “hey, how did you avoid prison?” and “hey, I love your column in Spy.”

            I chickened out and settled for “hey.”

  • “The American Christian is the ONLY Minority group that it is 100% OK to bully, mistreat, abuse and vilify with the language of the other. If they’re WHITE? All the Better!”

    Ah yes. The tiny, discrete minority of white Christians has always had in rough in this country. Why, in middle America, there’s barely a church to be found! And it’s so rare to find an elected official who will brave the risk of bullying and admit to being a Christian.

    • nmmagyar

      Their argument, of course, completely ignores the fact that every single fucking discrimination protection ever put into law since the foundation of our nation protects their whiny, useless asses. They act like the Civil Rights Act specifically excludes them.

  • gene108

    Since I agree, at the moment, that white heterosexual Christian male are the most persecuted group in America, what exactly can be done to end their suffering?

    I mean people keep saying Christians, especially white Christian males, are persecuted but no one offers any suggestions on what to do to end the abuse.

    I think this is a failing of Christians.

    For example, Black Lives Matter put out a list of reforms they think will help curb police violence against the public.

    I think it is about time Christians come off the side-lines and out of the shadows and offer concrete solutions to end their suffering.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My suggestion, arenas with large felines.

      • theCryptofishist

        Cuddle Puddle!

      • thixotropic jerk

        Nice kitty! Nice kitty!

    • Anarchy Pony

      They have just one solution; submit to us on everything.

    • malsperanza

      I believe their demands go something like this:

      1. Calling oneself a Christian must be accepted as an exemption from the laws of decency, civility, and logic. That should be a federal law.

      2. Actually, make that state law in all 50 states, since the federal government doesn’t count.

      3. There is no federal government, actually, because of the Civil Waugh.

      4. In solidarity with Humpty-Dumpty (large, white, and male), words mean what Christians want them to mean. Otherwise it’s oppression. (For example: the word “Christian.”) Merriam and Webster were probably Muslims anyway. Or Jews. Or Jewish Muslims.

      5. Therefore, hater and bigot are terms that may only be applied to the victims of hatred and bigotry. Otherwise it’s oppression.

      6. From now on, factual works of documented history will be in the Fiction section of the library, while works of sci-fi, such as “Dianetics,” “The Book of Mormon,” “The Bible,” and the oeuvre of Orson Scott Card will be presented as fact. Wait a minute, did I say “library”? Haha, oops. I meant “school textbooks.”

      7. It will be universally acknowledged that so-called “climate change” is a hate-filled, bigoted liberal conspiracy to force Christians to give up their guns. It must be banned.

      8. Creches on the lawn of every city hall in America. Otherwise it’s oppression. If your town’s hall doesn’t have a lawn, move to fucking Canada. You don’t deserve to live in a great country like America.

      9. We really need to deport more children. Failure to deport children enthusiastically enough is oppressive to Christians.

      • thixotropic jerk

        10. Whether you finger bang your relative or you’re a leader of the faith who molests a member of your faith – no worries it’s all good because Jeebiz!

      • gene108

        You left out:

        11. Forced public Christian prayer for everyone.
        12. The Ten Commandments on every government building. Removal of other religious items.
        13. The Bible as mandatory reading for everyone (there will be tests and pop quizzes, so do not fall behind).
        14. Fines and possible prison sentences for failing to say “Merry Christmas” as a greeting to anyone you meet between the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas.

    • bupkus23

      How much ya wanna bet that any additional concrete suggestions to end the religious right wing’s suffering would involve causing others to suffer?

      • Wassamatta U Alumnus

        Or sink.

    • Vienna Woods

      Isn’t it the GOP platform?

  • janecita

    Hey, what about Claton? You totally forgot about him! That dude was totally unhinged.

    • doktorzoom

      Damned if I’m gonna write a 3000-word Dear Shitferbrains :)

      His comments are preserved in a Word document under Funk & Wagnalls’ porch, in case we ever run short.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Peak Wingnut isn’t something that actually exists.

      • Helena Handbag

        Hermetically sealed, one would hope.

    • bobbert

      But, in the end, repetitious and uninteresting.

      • janecita

        Aren’t the all?

  • Joshua Norton

    because the real enemy is, of course, Radical Islam:

    Too bad they haven’t figured out yet that ISIS is to Islam what the right wing is to Christianity

    • BilllyShortcake

      Haha you’re really dumb

      • Villago Delenda Est

        No, he’s spot on.

        • D Ash

          spot on, spot off . . . . . the spotter!

      • jmk

        He’s 100% correct.

        There’s barely a hair’s worth of difference between you.

        • D Ash

          You do not know where that hair came from! or want to, for all that.

          • jmk

            OMFG no I do not!

      • Tansy Geek

        Is it meta that we have deleted comments within the Deleted Comments?
        Also check out this guys comments history. I am particularly confused and intrigued
        by one from 6 months ago, about something on Grind.tv. “They’ll migrate there with the same sense of purpose as Frodo Baggins.” Dos this have something to do with walking long distances to throw rings into volcanos?

        • Anarchy Pony

          …?

          • zerosumgame0005

            seriously

        • zerosumgame0005

          not to mention migrants in general don’t walk back…

        • Left Coast Tom

          What would be meta would be to have feature-worthy deleted commenters in the deleted comments post. The only thing noteworthy about “Billly[sic]Shortcake” is that he or she doesn’t know how to spell “Billy”.

          • Ulricii

            But he scores points on the “you’re” front.
            Hand him an award ribbon on his way out the door.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Is it Billy Shortcake or Billy ShortStick as in when the opportunity came for you to get your fair share of DNA you, sadly, got short-changed. Don’t drag your knuckles on the way out of the non-comments comments queue, BIlly Bob!

      • sillyclucker

        Is that you, O’Reilly?

      • Pecker Rider of Pern

        Christ man, this ain’t rocket surgery. Christians come in a variety of political flavors, from the apoplectically apocalyptic Westboro Baptists to lefties who fancy liberation theology. And theists in general certainly don’t have a monopoly on regressive assholes. For example, there’s noted clock-fraud watchdog Richard Dawkins making the rest of us atheists look like morans by association.

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

        ..

      • Froggage

        Said the person spelling “Billy” with three L’s.

  • Callyson

    OK, the rest of the deleted commenters were too tedious to deal with individually, so here’s one for the lot of them:

    • Pecker Rider of Pern

      That a legit quote, too. Only God can make a billboard.

  • Paperless Tiger

    … I watched the world try to “X” Christ out of it.

    That’s not an “X”, it’s a “Chi”, the initial of “Christ”. How can you preach a religion and not know the first thing about it?

    • nmmagyar

      I feel like that’s a trick question….

    • thixotropic jerk

      Wait till he finds out what the “H” in Jeesus H. Christ stands for…

      • Rick Hill

        Herbert. I know for a fact that’s it.

        • vivian

          Are you Herbert?

          • Rick Hill

            There have been moments that Jeebus has been said in my presence but never Hubert. I tell you though, when Mary called out Jesus Herbert Christ! well, you know he was in trouble then.

        • JVB

          Is Jeebus one of those space hippies from ST:TOS?

      • jmk

        Hussain, right?

      • sillyclucker

        Hitler?

      • theCryptofishist

        Hellbound!

      • Hawker40

        Haploid.

        • starfanglednut

          Diploid libelz!

      • Juan de Fuca

        Heretic?

      • Helena Handbag

        Hillary.

        • Vecciojohn

          Yes!

          • bobbert

            Damn, I’ve been so fixated on Hussein, I totally missed that one.

      • starfanglednut

        Howard. As in “our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.”

        • mailman27

          Any relation to Richard Stans (PBUH) from our sacred Pledge?

          • Vecciojohn

            . . . one nation, under guard . . .

        • Vecciojohn

          Hey, my middle name is Howard! Maybe we are related!

    • Barley_Brains

      Only atheists really understand religion.

      • Helena Handbag

        you beat me to it

      • Enfant Terrible

        Well, atheists sure know the Bible better than many Christians. That’s one of the great ironies. Bible thumpers getting thumped by their own Good Book.

        “For ’tis the sport for the religionist,
        to be hoisted on his own scripture.”

        OK, Bill Shakespeare *might* have written that.

        • Msgr_Moment

          I get enormous sport from asking the proselytutes that ring my doorbell whether God created man or apes first, then borrowing the book they’re pushing to point out that the first two chapters provide the answer “Yes”. Ignorant dumbfucks can’t get through two chapters without displaying their sheer ignorance.

    • bupkus23

      <<>>
      I was taught that, too. It’s a great point – one that those fighting the “War in Christmas” would never accept. They “know” better…

    • theCryptofishist

      Sorry, I read that and all I could think was Manson.

      I’ll show myself out.

    • Vienna Woods

      I run the Kris Kringle at my school- and I always use Xmas on the sign-up form. and every year, Cafeteria lady, crosses out the X and writes in Christ. I think this year Ima going to footnote it with a brief history of the X.

    • cmd

      I remember this fake controversy from my youth.

  • Jessalyn

    Hi hello bisexual scientist liberal Christian here. Do nonchristians understand that there are lots of different denominations? And they have similarities and massive differences between them? For example, the Episcopal church (mine) is supportive of gay marriage and the kiddos of gay parents. Your gender and sexuality have no bearing on your position in the church: you can be a gay mom and a priest or even a bishop. As far as I know there’s no official stance on abortion, although I’m pro-choice and the majority of people I’ve known in the church are, too. The church believes in curtailing global warming, evolution (duh), and doesn’t think that poor people are horrible lazy nonhumans. In fact, it actually helps them instead of preaching at them and telling them to get their shit together. And it’s not alone! There are other denominations (United Methodists, some Lutheran groups although I don’t know which ones. Unitarians. Others that I’m not aware of) that are every bit as progressive as we are. Also, there’s a lot of oversight. And elections. If an Episcopal priest wants to tell their congregation that being gay is a sin, they could lose their job because we already voted and decided that it’s fine.

    But our dear Republican candidates don’t court just the Evangelicals or the Baptists, they tell everyone that they are representative of American Christianity, and if you’re not religious, you might not be able to tell that they are full of shit.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m pretty sure most non-Christians here know these things. You should ask fundamentalist Protestants (e.g.: the targets of the GOP’s “Southern Strategy”) whether _they_ know these things, some of them think the Pope (any pope) is the antichrist, while some others (per Google) seem to think that this applies specifically to Pope Francis.

      • theCryptofishist

        Ah, but Benedict _looks_ the part so good also, too.

    • Dave

      ELCA lutherans (my sect :) are pretty liberal… however, our numbers are falling as the more passionately conservative are shifting to more conservative churches. Many of the less conservative have stopped attending because they don’t want to get lumped in with today’s brand of christianity.

      Churches shifting rightware is beneficial from a financial perspective. It fills the seats with passionate people willing to pay their dues which pay the bills and the pastors perks.

      My projection is that overall the number of active christians is going to continue to shrink within the U.S. over the next couple of decades. Those remaining christians are going to become more vocally conservative which will result in them becoming an isolated minority.

      • cmd

        I was raised in the Missouri Synod, NOT liberal! Once my parents came to visit me when I was older and I took them too the closest Lutheran church, which happened to be ELCA, just be be nice (as they would never miss a Sunday). But because a woman was participating in the service (I don’t remember if she preached, even), they opted out of taking communion because heretics.

        • Dave

          Yah, Missouri Synod has a full helping of nut jobs :(

          • Suse

            MO Synod kid here. I turned out okay, though.

    • shelwood

      The problem is that since the Reagan era, Evangelical Protestants (and some similar fundamentalist sects) have co-opted the word Christian. In their eyes, no one else is a true Christian: not other Protestants, not Mormons, absolutely not Catholics. And everyone and his brother have gone along with this for over 30 years. I totally approve of taking the word back, although they’ve sullied it so badly it’s going to take a long time to get the grime off of it.

      • Dave

        One can ever go a bit farther back to Nixon with that train of thought. It was his era that united social conservatives, christians, and financial conservatives under the umbrella of republican. (think union in set theory)

        Regan refined this mean that a good republican one ‘must be’ a intersection of social conservatives, christians, and financial conservatives. (think intersection in set theory)

        In the Bush and post Bush era the various groups started to notice that being a good republican meant acting against their own best interests. Hence the fracturing and support for candidates like Trump and Carson.

        The fascinating thing will be how deep these fault lines will go.

        • Querolous

          RMN was raised in the Society of Friends. The Quakers have a long and distinguished progressive history. Go figure.

    • Greg Comlish

      Well hello to you, Jessalyn! Welcome to Wonkette, our mommyblog extraordinaire and a haven for bisexual liberal scientists of all stripes. I’m the unofficial bisexual scientist liberal greeter at Wonkette and I wanted to thank you for sharing your perspectives with our community. We welcome your candid and unfiltered views on politics, science, sex, humor, religion and other things, Glad to have you as part of our conversation!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Hey, Jessalyn, welcome to yr Wonkette :)
      Pretty sure most of us know this, but it is nice to see a post from the other kind of Christian (instead of the wingnutty freakoid ones who flock here to get their rage on).

    • James Christopher Owen

      United Methodists have a sort of cultural Mason-Dixon divide: the churches up north and in larger urban areas tend toward the more progressive. However, even the southern UMCs tend to be more progressive than Southern Baptists – we all, for example, accept women in all positions of ordained service. My own church (here in Ky; not exactly the bastion of leftism) had a woman (and member of our church) assigned to us by agreement of our District Superintendent.

  • zerosumgame0005

    1) that string of dots translated from Morse code is “EEIEII” WTF does it mean?
    2) it’s deep-SEATED you illiterate moran

    • vivian

      …. or derp-seated in this instance.

    • JoeChristmas

      I will give the teabagger credit for bumping into a possible new meme though.

  • JoeChristmas

    I have a deep-seeded responsibiliphobia.

    • theCryptofishist

      Are you at war with yourself?

    • D Ash

      Plow them fields before planting your seed, Joe! And make sure your *** seating *** on the tractor is firm.

      Kudos on the creative use of Venusiovian at the end, however, so +1.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      You’re not spilling that seed, are you?

      • theCryptofishist

        No. Carefully sewing it. So-ing?

      • What else am I going to use to keep my skin baby-soft?

        • Nonbeliever

          Obama has just the thing for you his is still good for the skin

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I try to plant my seed as deep as it will go, but 6″ seems to be about it.

        • StephenG

          Are you taking into account motility?

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    What does “blowing domes” even mean? I suppose it could be about dynamiting mosques, but I don’t know why coloured boys would rap about that.

    • Longitudinally Enabled

      Maybe it’s an example of the hegemony of the circumcised in America today?

    • Mavenmaven

      Well, at least now we know who that comment writer was: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJHZrKiJ_SE

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        comments are disabled for this video.
        Probably someone did not wanna be told they were full of shit, would be my guess :)

  • D Ash

    Apparently, Freedumb is the new Christianity. Who knew?!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Michelle is built like an old fieldhand if you think that’s hot lol

    People like you think “negroes” should still be unpaid fieldhands if you think that’s hot lol

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “Skalamoosh”, eh?

    https://youtu.be/S8lEb3o9uB0?t=6s

  • kindness

    Bless their hearts, but their version of Christianity demands they harrass da gays.
    Why they are Old Testament Christians indeed. Except Christianity starts with the New Testament….you know, the Jesus stuff. Guess these people aren’t really Christians. They are Orthodox Jews who believe the old stuff. That’s gonna get ’em kicked outta their KKK clan when they find out over there.

  • Dave

    I would like to take a minute to preach to my brothers and sisters in snark….

    Arguing with an evangelical Christian with get you nowhere. Persecution is in their DNA. Arguing causes them to unite in the face of perceived presection.

    The wonkette’s strength is snark. As a general rule evangelicals take themselves seriously. They expect other to take them seriously as well. What they can’t handle is people laughing at them.

    I would like to encourage my brothers and sisters to let your anger go and focus on the snark.

    While it is emotionally satisfying to get a evangelical so worked up that he is screaming obscenities at you. In the long run it is more effective to use humor to leave him confused and scratching his head about why people are laughing at him.

    • Lord-Nash

      It’s tough, but you’re right. The Lady Nash has an uncle (which, I suppose, makes him my uncle ) who is the living embodiment of the ‘racist uncle’ meme. Basically everyone who comes to this board determined to make us unhappy reminds me of him. But you’re right, cooler heads keyboards will prevail.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Clearly Kyle has been into the mushrooms again…………..

  • MrBlobfish

    Martin Luther had no idea what he was starting when he nailed his nut snack to that church door.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Feces, goddamnit. 95 Feces!

      • Enfant Terrible

        Upfist for National Lampoon reference.

  • Bren

    If comments were allowed I’d have made one about this being the first Deleted comments of the week without a section on Ben & Donald, but they aren’t so I can’t. And even if I could I couldn’t because comments aren’t allowed even when they are elegant.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I went to Westboro Baptist to watch the Democratic debate. The place was pretty evenly divided between Hillary supporters and Bernie supporters. We played a game where we took a bong hit every time anyone said, “Income inequality.” We got so wasted.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I had that dream too! Sweet.

      • Nonbeliever

        I love your avatar GOBAMA

  • btwbfdimho

    Que no se puede ser qué cosa, pinche huevón hijo de la rechingada?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Is that what the Q means?

      • Msgr_Moment

        ¿Que cosa? Si.

    • D Ash

      No. Whatever the question was. No! In French, HELL non.

      • Nonbeliever

        I am turned on GOBAMA

        • D Ash

          That sounds too much like a personal problem, and I already have enough. Also, I’m sure I did not wish to know that about you!
          {;-)

          • Nonbeliever

            I am very open and like to express myself THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT GOBAMA

    • Nonbeliever

      I love it thanks for your support GOBAMA

  • TMK

    I’m a “COOL KID” and I don’t like bashing Jesus so much as flicking him.

  • Bammac

    “Disagreeing” with homosexuality? Denying someone essential rights you yourself enjoy without a thought is not a “disagreement”, you incredible shit for brains.

    Lumps.

  • Sterculius

    Hmm, so if I merely oppose organized religion and work to pass laws to outlaw religious practices, the real Christians are cool with that, because that is all they ever did to gays, or women who think that small government and personal freedom should allow them to control when and if they have babies …you know, small government, free market fertility.

    • Nonbeliever

      Thank you for your work to help oppose religion. with out people like you me and my partner would not have been able to adopt our gender confused 6 year old daughter and hopefully in the near future with more of obama’s help we will be able to get her the surgery she so desperatly needs GOBAMA

  • Ryan Denniston

    “females may want to avoid them because they don’t want to see some guy, who claims he’s a girl, pull his dick out in the ladies room.”

    Ummm, I thought the ladies stopped using urinals back in the 60s or something.

    • Nonbeliever

      No we still use them

    • Nonbeliever

      I should have said we are getting to use them again thanks to everyone’s support

  • Ryan Denniston

    “And I WILL For those that RESPECT MY MERRY CHRISTMAS , I will tip my hat to what ever it is you hold dear to you , even if it is nothing more then staying asleep or waking up .”
    This inspires me to take up Mad Libs again. If I get ambitious I might build a computer program to generate random wingnut passages. Come to think of it, that would be a cool Big Data or Google project.

    • tomamitai

      Maybe it already is, a lot of these deleted comments sound like they failed a Turing test.

  • Nonbeliever

    Those RWNJ’S just need to stfu and let us destroy the first and second amendment’s for the greater good of the country. We need safe spaces for our college students, lgbt, Muslim’s, and African Americans so that wing nuts don’t show up with their guns and big mouths. They need to know we have everything under control and don’t need their input shut up and enjoy the ride into socialism

    • grumblestiltskin

      And then, when the transition is complete, the apostrophe re-education camps.

      • Nonbeliever

        I can’t wait until hillz or Bernie get into office and socialism is in full force so we can get rid of racism and stereotypes and everyone will be equals GOBAMA

      • MrCanoehead

        That’s “camp’s”.

    • doktorzoom

      Idiot troll banhammered; comment left up for the laugh’s and reported to the Ankh-Morpork Guild of Greengrocer’s

  • Nonbeliever

    I love that I found my new favorite avatar on this site and everyone is so accepting here I love you wonkette!!

  • John Steward

    Dear deleted commenters – please see photo below.

    BTW, was it ever established whether Skalamoosh does or does not do the fandango?

    • Nonbeliever

      He is definitely doing the fandango woopwoop

    • StephenG

      Yea, that’s easy for you to say.

  • OldFattyLumbkin

    “You can’t be a liberal and a christian”. I bow to your superior knowledge. Socialist and christian however: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_socialism

  • Walter Wellstone

    I am a liberal and I don’t want to be a Christian. Take that, Skalamoosh… Galileo (Galileo), Galileo Figaro…

    • Lord-Nash

      He’s just a poor boy, nobody loves him…

      • Art Studio

        …I see a little silhouetto of a man…

        • Lord-Nash

          Thunderbolts of lightning, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING!

  • Nonbeliever

    I believe people have the right to believe what they want to they can be liberal and Christian! I am a black homosexual that was converted to Islam in prison and I drink alcohol and eat pork (can’t quit the bacon it is soooo good) you don’t have to follow all the rules!

  • Nonbeliever

    Everyone do the fandango whoopwhoop

  • Lord-Nash

    Apparently this year’s autumnal harvest included a great bounty of derp.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Coincidentally, “You can’t be a liberal and a Christian” was the theme of the very last sermon I ever heard in a Baptist church.

  • DahBoner

    Newsflash: You can’t be a Conservative and a Christian because conservatives promote killing people who are alive.

    https://media3.giphy.com/media/ATVEoEsA26IbS/200w_d.gif

  • SmotPoker

    If you aren’t going to enforce the No Comments Allowed rule you can expect more of the same drivel….

    These folks ain’t right in the head. Those missives read like they all decided to switch medications among themselves, wait an hour, and then speak their minds….

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “Plewdawg” should have been “pewpewpewdawg,” as he and his 2nd Amendment ilk fantasize about being called upon by divine time and place to be the one open-carry dude that saves the pussy libs from shooting galleries and bomb jackets. With their weekend warrior training and simulations under fire, stress, and unclear instinct as to who is the “bad guy,” they’ll save the day. And they will make us pay when they take over law and order, public safety in the libertarian world, rationing our food, water, freedom and women, and say with such satisfaction as they hold dominion over us, that they are the real American, the real patriot, and that we should be grateful that they had guns.

  • Magic Juan

    deep-seeded? isn’t that kind of a subliminal homoerotic typo?

  • akita96th

    I am sure we have plenty of Christians in the USA…..But I cant believe we have any real Christian GOP lawmakers…..,They have so much hate for everything not GOP…They dont want to help no one but corporations….They are false Christians.I may rot in hell for saying that…….But wait I dont believe in heaven or hell…oops…They may label me an evil liberal socialist….So be it…

  • StephenG

    “…IF fags and freaks are gonna be there.” Have you actually visited a Starbucks?

  • Xraygrrl

    Looks like they need to put the Christ back in Christians.

  • laineypc

    deep-seeded joke

    I thought it was “deep-seated” but I think deep-seeded is actually better metaphorically

  • Eo Raptor

    Jeez, now I have to go to Starbucks, which IMHO has terrible coffee, just so I can stand in solidarity with the LGBTQ, passionate progressives, and other sane people? Is it OK if I go to a decent coffee shop and say my name is Equality for All?

    • Celia

      Mebbe I can put nice coffee in a Starbucks mug.

  • SadDemInTex

    Wait….Westboro Church is a haven (coven?) of Democrats?

  • Amazeballs

    > When they start losing business because their stores attract too many freaks you’ll see how many shits they have.

    INDEED SIR. They will be granted their rightful comeuppance when we are able to both see and count their shits. Will it be MANY shits? Or just like, two? Or one? What’s worse, one or many?

    • Art Studio

      I suspect they will be flush with shits given that Starbucks primary product is coffee of varying intensities.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I sorta learned as a child that Jesus was like this super liberal guy that the establishment hated because he was making them lose money, so they bugged his parchment scrolls and planted moles inside his NGO and then interrogated him before the Sanhedrin Un-Jewish Committee, and he wouldn’t rat on his friends so they sent him to the UN Secretary General, who was some Italian guy, who said “We don’t have jurisdiction” so they sent him to Guantanamo and he was never seen again. Did I get that wrong?

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