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Dick’s fault, apparently

Damn it, Poppy, you were a lot more likable when you were flashing your fabulous stripey socks and doing gay-lesbian weddings and jumping out of planes for your 117th birthday. Why, we could almost forget that you were the one who learned your boys how to do dumb wars to Iraq. Almost:

In interviews with his biographer, [George H.W.] Bush said that Mr. Cheney had built “his own empire” and asserted too much “hard-line” influence within George W. Bush’s White House in pushing for the use of force around the world. Mr. Rumsfeld, the elder Mr. Bush said, was an “arrogant fellow” who could not see how others thought and “served the president badly.”

We remember it differently. We remember President Bush II — aka “the commander guy” — defensively fellating Donald Rumsfeld to a doubtful White House press corps while declaring, “I’m the decider. And I decide what is best.” Did we hallucinate that?

No, we did not misunderestimate our own memory.

But apparently, Breakin’ Iraq 2: Electric Boogaloo was all the fault of evil mastermind and close personal friend of the Bush family, Dick Cheney, who, despite bullying poor dumb George into reluctantly saying “hot rhetoric” that “doesn’t necessarily solve the diplomatic problem,” is still “a good man”:

He said he thought Mr. Cheney had changed since serving in his cabinet. “He just became very hard-line and very different from the Dick Cheney I knew and worked with,” Mr. Bush said. He attributed that to the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. “Just iron-ass. His seeming knuckling under to the real hard-charging guys who want to fight about everything, use force to get our way in the Middle East.”

Ah yes, we recall Cheney recently growling similar thoughts about how Cheney (yes, in the third person) had been a real chill barrel of monkey farts before everything changed, on the day that George W. Bush kept us safe from 9/11.

Turns out, according to Daddy Bush, the real “iron-ass” whose hand was shoved up George’s butt to make him say words (badly) and to play at presidenting (badlier) was the ol’ chain and ball, Mrs. Dick:

He speculated that Mr. Cheney was influenced by his wife, Lynne, and his daughter Liz, both strong conservatives. “I’ve concluded that Lynne Cheney is a lot of the eminence grise here – iron-ass, tough as nails, driving,” he said.

Who knew that it was Lynne all along, with some mommy-daughter bonding assistance from Liz? (Yes, the asshole one.) It was Lynne who forced Dick to name himself the best and only option for George Dubya running mate in the summer of 2000. It was Lynne who told Dick to go forth and torture. Maybe raping prisoners with food stuffs was a scene she had cut from her HAWT lesbians on the wild frontier novel?

All these years, we’ve been wrongly crying to our therapist about the trauma we suffered from Bush’s reign of error, when it was really the Cheney family who sought revenge against Saddam Hussein, for trying to kill George’s dad. What fools we’ve been.

The effort to rehabilitate Dubya’s reputation, and to further revise the history of his presidency, has been in full swing for some time, with Fox News bobblehead and former spokestwit for George Dana Perino doubling down on her insistence that there were no terrorist attacks when her boyfriend was president, because the first one doesn’t count, and the rest of the Fox gang deciding if anyone’s to blame for the 9/11 that didn’t happen, it’s Bill Clinton.

And then there’s Jeb. Poor stupid least-favorite son Jeb, for whom there is not enough therapy in the world to work out his daddy issues, but thankfully he won’t be doing so from the Oval Office. Jeb has spent months defending his brother’s disastrous presidency, while also claiming his Bush genes make him uniquely qualified and capable on matters of foreign policy.

But now his dad has spilled the beans — sorry, Jeb, gonna be another bad day for you — that George was hardly even president that one time, for eight years. It was Dick. And Don. And Lynne.

The Bush family tragedy could not be any more Greek if Jeb borrowed Dick’s face-shooting gun to kill his dad and fuck his mom, though, being a Bush, he’d no doubt shoot himself in the foot instead.

Thanks for emerging from your own spider hole, H.W., to remind us why the whole lot of you should shut the fuck up and fuck the fuck off forever, plus infinity, and then some more.

Or just stick to the socks, Poppy.

[NYT]

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  • Callyson

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Jeb!s numbers indicate we won’t get fooled again.

      • SterWonk

        “… won’t get fooled again.”

        <guitar sting>

    • cmd

      This photo is very disturbing.

  • onedollarjuana

    Too little, too late. Weak sauce. Why isn’t he calling for war crimes trials?

    • Lot_49

      He would, but the International Court of Justice wouldn’t give W immunity to testify against Cheney.

  • FauxAntocles

    What did we do to deserve these guys?

  • chiefkurtz

    What tipped him off? The man sized safe?

  • Nounverb911

    Dick Cheney to announce duck hunting trip with Poppy Bush in 3…2…1…

  • Steven M. Harries

    Fascist Sperm + Broccoli Eggs = A Household of Powerful Morons.

    • onedollarjuana

      But Poppy hated broccoli.

  • arglebargle

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but forever plus infinity doesn’t seem like nearly enough time to never hear from this family again.

    • BearGHAZI

      Though I don’t mind when Babs talks shit about progeny

  • Steverino247

    We would have been much better off had his plane been shot down a little closer to the hungry Japanese.

    • Steven M. Harries

      They’d spit him out.

      • Steverino247

        They would have yakked him up like he yakked on that Japanese PM.

        • Steven M. Harries

          I think the only combat he ever really had was trying to swallow that sushi. O yeah…and finding Babs’ HooHah when they had to reproduce more fascists.

  • Lizzietish81

    See, for me this is delicious because it’s more of the Neo cons turning on each other.

    • Steverino247

      Riffing on my Japanese cannibalism comment. Very cool.

    • tihond

      At this point, Cons probably consider Bush I a RINO.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Well. . . .

    • coozledad

      I’m old enough to remember when you could be accused of being fifth column for saying what that not-dead-enough old clown son of a bitch just said.

      Fuck them all and their enablers. This country has plenty of supermax prisons to stuff them in.

  • lucidamente

    The Bush family tragedy could not be any more Greek if Jeb borrowed Dick’s face-shooting gun to kill his dad and fuck his mom, though, being a Bush, he’d no doubt shoot himself in the foot instead.

    I was thinking more a Keystone Kops two-reeler with bunker buster bombs and waterboarding.

  • Callyson

    He speculated that Mr. Cheney was influenced by his wife, Lynne, and his daughter Liz, both strong conservatives.

    So the “bitch set me up” line is now bipartisan. Good to know.

    • Steverino247

      Both genders do it.

      • kindness

        Both genders can be bitches too. I know more than I care to of each.

  • Lot_49

    What’s all this about Dana Perino going down?

    • Steven M. Harries

      Ask John Bolton

      • Lot_49

        Ew.

        • Steven M. Harries

          Then ask Pam Gellar when she’s going to allow John Bolton to have Dana Perino going down on him. Or the old staff from Plato’s Retreat.

          • lucidamente

            So long, lunch, it was nice knowing you.

          • Steven M. Harries

            Neocon Porn doesn’t turn you on? Well, back to GOP Piss Mop Porn, then . . .

          • Lot_49

            Rather watch a snuff film. Come to think of it, snuff films are neocon porn.

          • kindness

            Now you are dating yourself. Plato’s Retreat has been closed since the 80’s, hasn’t it?

  • lucidamente

    You know who else had hard-line advisors that caused him to screw things up?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Those grad students studying under archeologists who claimed aliens built the pyramids?

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        Yeah, that never really happened.

  • DahBoner

    Just iron-ass

    Has the Lamestream media managed to iron out the kinks from this disturbing revelation?

    http://img.memecdn.com/extreme-ironing_o_1563419.webp

  • Bad Granny

    He might have a point, dick sure has gotten me into trouble a few times.

  • Vecciojohn

    But George, I thought everything was great in Iraq because we were greeted as liberators, the surge worked and it was Obama who created ISIS by being so weak and not keeping troops there forever.

  • Mike Janowski

    Oh, Wonkette, you slay me!

    • JurisGal

      Everyday slay, each and every day! The Iraq/Electric Boogaloo reference ! Love it!

  • Beowoof14

    Iron Ass Cheney agrees with Daddy Bush he was an Iron Ass. I don’t the Iron stopped at his ass, it was also an Iron head.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Iron ass, plasticene heart – “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him, we have the technology to make the world’s first bionic man.”

  • Lizzietish81

    Personally I have no problem believing that W was weak willed and that Cheney and Rumsfeld were the masterminds.

    • FauxAntocles

      Did you mean weak minded?
      “These are not the drones you’re looking for…”

    • onedollarjuana

      Dick was head of the vice presidential search committee in 2000. Guess who he found was the best candidate?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Sarah Palin?

        • DahBoner

          Just how gassy are Kangaroos anyway?

        • onedollarjuana

          Hmmm, who was VP from 2000 to 2008?

    • thenearesthippie

      Absolutely. The post-9/11 narrative has a big W-shaped hole in it.

  • Greg Fuderer

    well, at least the war only lasted a couple weeks and was paid for with iraqi oil money.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      and who can forget all the chocolates and flowers!

      • JurisGal

        What’s a girl gotta do to be greeted as a liberator?

        • ThePuckStopsHere

          Show us your tits, duh.

  • whatwhomever

    So Dumbya made mistakes when he chose employees who served him badly, just like we as country made a mistake when we chose, oops no, I mean when the Supreme Court chose to employ Dumbya, who served us all very, very badly.

    • Lizzietish81

      Let’s backtrack a little. George Senior is blaming people he gave his son to serve him.

  • Billy Croissant

    I’m sure knowing – now – that your son was a pussy who allowed himself to be ass-fingered by the Cheneys is a great comfort to everybody affected by the Iraqi war. Wanker.

  • Greg Fuderer

    you know who else’s advisors served him badly and made him start a war?

    • Lizzietish81

      Louis XVI

    • Randy Riddle

      John Boehner?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Laugh if you must, but there were some Germans who insisted that Hitler’s circle of advisers were responsible for all the bad things.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …the Cylons?!

    • chicken thief

      Whoever told Obama to start the War on Christmas?

    • georgiaburning

      Emperor Franz Josef?

    • sw19womble

      Gavrilo Princip?

    • JurisGal

      President McCain?
      Can I have two guesses?
      President Romney?

    • WampusKat

      Glenn Greenwald?

      Greenwald: Unclaimed Territory: “Friday, November 04, 2005

      “The reality of Latin American reaction to Bush”

      George Bush is here in Latin America this week, visiting Brazil and Argentina, and the standard reports of the American media are trying to depict a handful of isolated, juvenile socialist-organized “demonstrations” as some sort of sweeping, popular mass protest against Bush’s visit, thereby suggesting, yet again, that the Administration’s policies are flawed because people in other countries dislike Bush. As usual, the truth is vastly different than what the U.S. media is reporting (see UPDATE below) .

      It is true that in this region (as is true for the U.S.), there remains a small, fervent band of left-wing fanatics with crazed enthusiasm for the worn-out, socialist/collectivist policies which have condemned millions upon millions of people throughout Latin America to poverty unimaginable to even the poorest Americans. These putative “mass demonstrations” in Argentina and Brazil are, in reality, nothing more than a few isolated spray-painting incidents of trite pacifist slogans in Brasilia, and a Cindy Sheehan-like “rally” of hard-core Socialists in Argentina led by an obese, Castro-idolozing, retired soccer player who found time away from his decade-old cocaine addiction to show up wearing an oh-so-clever t-shirt showing Bush’s name spelled with a swastika.”
      http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2005/11/reality-of-latin-american-reaction-to.html

  • Lefty Frizzell

    On my commuter train I regularly see a man who looks just like Dick Cheney with a wife who looks just like Imelda Marcos (but both in plain clothes). I’ve never spoken to them, although curiously I did queue behind them at Costco once. It’s very disconcerting.

    • FauxAntocles

      Damn clones…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Sorry, but the deserting coward is still a deserting coward who let an outright, five deferment draft dodger run wild with automatic weapons, gravity bombs, and howitzers all over Iraq.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …don’t forget the “weather dominator” and “BFG-9000”

  • Theodora30

    By saying Cheney changed Poppy takes any blame off himself. But the truth is that Cheney was always like that. He was a founding member of the neocon “think” tank PNAC that was all about the US dominating the world with its military might. Not only that, they advocated forming a Space Force so we could militarize space. They also lobbied Clinton in the nineties to take out Saddam so they could control Iraq’s oil. 9-11 dId not change Dick, it just gave him the opportunity he had long waited patiently for.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Prezactly. Poppy nurtured and groomed both the Dark Lord and von Rumsfailed during his one term in office.

    • Greg Fuderer

      the same pnac that includes jeb!ya as a signatory

      • Theodora30

        But not Dubya. Do you think they thought he was too incompetent to recruit? After all, Jeb is the “smart” brother. Right now I am watching Jeb being interviewed and saying Cheney served both his dad and brother well. Food fight at the Bushes this Thanksgiving.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …sorry Papi Bush, but you aren’t turning this chicken shit into chicken salad!!! Explain to me how if Darth Maul Cheney and his senile sidekick Donald Rumsfeld were feeding your son shitty advice you didn’t decide to step in? I mean after all you aren’t just his father but also a former GOD DAMN President?!?! Dubya had every chance to dump both of those sacks of fetid shit during the run up to his second term! The easy out would have been Cheney’s health and Rumsfelds age. But instead he DOUBLED INFINITI’d down on the same idiotic policies!!! Dubya had every chance to mitigate the damage from this 3 alarm dumpster fire but didn’t!!! And if what you say is true, then both you and him are bunch a raging idiots or he is the most impotent and weak president in American history!!!

    • chicken thief

      Also too, CIA Director. The man had a few contacts.

      • nmmagyar

        A-Fucking-Men. Old Bush had access to every bit of intelligence and chose not to say a fucking word.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I would like to respectfully point out that “raging idiots” and “impotent and weak” are not mutually exclusive. In fact, In the instant case they are most apt when used in conjunction with one another.

  • Thaumaturgist

    Where I disagree with JEB! Is that JEB! Claims W became president in 9/12/2001 while I don’t think W became president until the “I’m the decider” announcement in 2006. If I’m right, Cheney was president on 9/11 and W didn’t have authority to interfere.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I believe W was only in office for those few minutes on the aircraft carrier with the “Mission Accomplished” sign.

      • Thaumaturgist

  • Randy Riddle

    It’s really like the Nixon administration – the whole lot of them should have been behind bars.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Nixon administration set the tone for the modern GOP in the oval office…quite literally most of the dipshits who got us into Iraq got their start under tricky Dick.

    • frrolfe

      Shame on you, shame on ?? Got it, Benghazi!!!!

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Could there be a piece about Cheney having his hand up Josh Duggar’s ass?

  • chicken thief

    “It was those other guys fault.”

    ~ Party of Personal Responsibility

    • Joe Beese

      You noticed that too.

    • TheBidenator

      Their standard line with the unspoken caveat “it’s okay when WE say it, not when you do…”

  • Joe Beese
    • artem1s

      holy mother of god! would it have killed the guy to say something, something, about it being neat to get to see AF1 up close, etc. WTF is wrong with this family. I knew they were F’d up but damn.

    • JurisGal

      Can’t stop laughing, what a wreck!

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I’ll bet he heard it a lot, too. But yeah, kids. Just another out of touch Bushie.

  • Thaumaturgist

    The whole point behind W is that he was another empty vessel, like Reagan. He’d do anything leadership told him to do and never be any the wiser.

    • georgiaburning

      Exactly why they’re pushing Carson as the “unconventional” candidate and Rubio as the “Establishment” one. Both are tools

  • coozledad

    I’ve concluded that Lynne Cheney is a lot of the eminence grise here – iron-ass, tough as nails, driving,” he said.

    Good, good. Widen the net for all the motherfuckers that need to be dragged to the Hague and embalmed in their own crossfire. You, too, Poppy. You’re never to old to pay for mass murder.

  • chicken thief

    “…. and he didn’t even cut Little Dubya in on any of the Halliburton stock!”

  • Malmborg Implano

    Insight and empathy lacking, but remember this is the guy who went golfing on the day his daughter died.

  • beatbort

    I wrote me up a little ditty about the Bush family, to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song:

    Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Jeb

    Dummy third-in-line barely knew his name was Jeb

    Then one day he was laughing at some jokes

    And up through the ‘Tubes came what must’ve been a hoax

    White House? Air Force One? Limo rides?

    Well, the next thing you know ol’ Jeb’s a candidate

    Kinfolk say “it’s your turn to head the state”

    Said “Tallahassee ain’t no place for Bushy 3,”

    So he loaded up the Benz and headed to D.C.

    Monuments, museums, hot interns

    [Long banjo jam, with foot stomping and shit-kicking by Kim Davis and hubby]

    Now it’s time for Jeb to ditch his fantasy

    It ain’t gonna happen even with help from daddy B

    Turns out Jeb was really dumber than his bro

    Hard to believe any man could reach that low

    Ya’ll don’t come back now, y’hear?

    • DahBoner

      Peeewee! Put those shoes back on! Got outta here

    • WampusKat

      Priceless. Make a cheap YouTube music video:) Triple-dog dare ya:) Otherwise, this is just wasted talent, ya know.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Shorter Pa: “I think you mean that guy over there behind the counter…”

  • Mavenmaven

    If it wasn’t for all those bad people around him and all the bad stuff he did and the horrible bloodthirsty decisions he made, W would have been a wonderful president.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My father actually thinks far more highly of him now that he’s out of office because of the painting. He thinks W is a pretty decent painter, so he can’t be all bad.

      • Daniel P

        I’ll contend that W missed his true calling, which was to succeed Bud Selig as Commissioner of Baseball. He only had to deal with rich people and baseball was something he had a passion for.

  • Metadude

    OT, but did you hear what the non-evil Wyoming Republican (Al Simpson) said about Trump: Give that guy an enema and you could bury him in a shoebox.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      The Hitch said that about Falwell, in the same interview he made Hannity cry – good times! “You’ve used up all the time for my answer with a long, and rather unlettered question”.

  • bluicebank

    Fucking Lynne Cheney. It’s always the bitch’s fault, right Mr. It’s The Economy, Stupid?

    Oh and yeah, Jeb! told you to dump Quayle and you dint? Fuck me. Say what you will about Jebya, but you don’t have to be a former CIA director to know a potato from a turd.

    Goddamn Bush family. What a train wreck. At least Laura only t-boned one boyfriend. That we know of.

    • Ah, Quayle. People think that politics and media are stupid today; but in 1992, the VPOTUS picked a fight with a fictional TV character, and lost.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If only he’d learned Latin, he coulda been a contendah.

  • beatbort

    At least Reagan hid behind his own wife’s skirts. This is telling me that W. hid behind the skirts of another man’s wife.

    • nmmagyar

      I thought Reagan hid behind Nancy’s Astrologer’s skirts

  • chicken thief

    Dubya was too busy choking on pretzels and trying to tie his shoes to bone Dana. Dick was prolly dicking her. Or some people have suggested it was maybe Lynne.

  • JohnR

    Wonder what it’s like to lay down the nastiest stinking pile of shit and look back and reflect on it without being aware that it’s a stinking pile of shit?

  • malsperanza

    As I said this morning to the NYT: BUSH FAMILY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK AWAY.

    That is all.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I can believe that Lynne Cheney is every bit as useless as her husband. She was the one who started the entire shitstorm about American high school history books not being fawning enough about the Founding Fathers or some such crap.

  • Ergoetal

    And this, from the Party of Personal Responsibility…

  • Ron Douglas

    Riiiiighhhhhht…..we all know W went into Iraq to finish what poppy started. GOP won’t stop trying to re-write history.

  • TheBidenator

    Dubya: “It wasn’t me, it was the no-heart Dick!”
    Wonkette: “I don’t care you dumbass”
    :Dubya leaps from storm drain into the river below, Kaili Joy watches satisfied that he’ll screw it up and drown:

  • TheBidenator

    I’m glad to watch these idiots play the blame game again, it was getting particularly nauseating to watch Jeb try and pretend that against all odds and rules and reality that the Dubya era was something to be proud of…thanks for reminding us all about what a shit sammitch it was, H-Dub

    • Rick Hill

      They are keeping to their formula for admitting mistakes. Passing the blame, did the best we could at the time, anyone would have done the same…yada yada.
      Along the lines of their “I’m sorry if some people took offense from my remarks.” apologies.

  • TheBidenator

    This is O/T but where’s my Trump book review, Wonkette? This is right in your wheelhouse for comedy as I understand it is Trump’s patented technique of ramble, ramble with a sudden moment where he bitches and bitches about his enemies and then gets back to rambling like a drunk who is quite intoxicated but isn’t ready to take off his shirt and dance around with a lampshade on his head. Occasionally, he makes sense but immediately reverses any sense making with strange bullshit like denying climate change and launching racist attacks against browns. It’s only 163 pages and half of it as “about the author” as it should be. Such a book will be so wonderful and terrific that only losers and haters won’t like it.

    • Rick Hill

      “Trump’s patented technique of ramble, ramble with a sudden moment where he bitches and bitches and then gets back to rambling”

      But no brags thrown in? Ghostwriter.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I wouldn’t mind seeing the whole Bush and Cheney families going on a sky diving flight and finding out they only had one parachute.

    • Lizzietish81

      Pfft, we all know Babs would win that one.

      • janecita

        I got my money on Dick, he is ruthless.

        • Lizzietish81

          Really I would pay to see that fight.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Meanwhile Obama is thinking, “Why didn’t I come up with that? Blame everything on Meeeshell.”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Dick would be the reason there’s only one parachute.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Rick Hill

    I have no problem believing that he was led around by the nose and jumped through the hoops Dick put in front of him. Not excusing him for his part, he went all in the same as the good Germans who said “Kill the jews? We could be more efficient using these methods.”(True story), and still want to see them all brought to justice(as well as anyone who voted for and supported him to have a retroactive tax placed on them to help repair this country and the world for the damage they did but first things first)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Ron Reagan recounts all the party bigwigs high fiving each other at the 2000 Republican convention with W as the nominee, and Ron pointing out he’s A Idiot. Everyone said the same thing.

      “Don’t worry. He’ll have Dick Cheney beside him to keep him in line.”

  • TheBidenator

    “I think you want that other Dick”
    – H.W.

  • btwbfdimho

    “I’ve concluded that Lynne Cheney is a lot of the eminence grise here – iron-ass, tough as nails, driving,” he said.

    Driving?! No! These women live like in Saudi Arabia: they have personal drivers. But who cares, if soon Google will be the designated driver?
    BTW, here’s a bunch or drivers, celebrating. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJEO3rmefmI

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Must be fun when it’s raining lead all over town.

  • janecita

    OT, but why are there so many ammosexual, wingnuts commenting on the Ted Cruz’ story? They are ruining the joint!

    • DemmeFatale

      Thanks for the warning.
      Won’t be stoppin’ by.

    • sw19womble

      I don’t know enough about that particular case (Cruz’s carrying style) to go in there.

      They are all sad tiny-penis-having fuckwumps, regardless.

    • LadyLaz

      Oooh, let me visit!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Turns out, there are inviolable safety rules for handling a gun that are only in effect until a conservative violates them.

      Like our favorite Dick drinking and hunting.

    • WampusKat

      Because, Exhibits A, B, and C:

      Exhibit A: “Now Wonkette ridicules Ted Cruz and his ‘backwards’ shotgun twitchy.com

      Twitchy‎ – 23 hours ago@Wonkette how is an open shot gun going to do that ?? #gunsense. — 3ill crowley III …”
      https://www.google.com/search?q=twitchy+wonkette&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

      Exhibit B: Cosmo, Aug. 2015: “The Right-Wing Hate Machine – Twitchy is not just a popular conservative website. It’s also a harassment tool used to target liberal writers”

      “Twitchy may be one of the most powerful political platforms online, but
      its role as an organized harassment tool is almost never discussed.
      Founded in 2012 by conservative blogger Michelle Malkin, the site has
      half a dozen editors who troll Twitter for content to post; each post
      consists of a tweet or series of tweets along with some brief and often
      outraged commentary. Malkin sold Twitchy to Salem Media, a for-profit
      Christian company in 2013, but the religiosity of its new owners has not
      shifted its acidic content. (Malkin and several current Twitchy editors
      did not respond to multiple emails requesting comment, and Salem Media
      did not return emails and phone calls requesting comment.)”
      http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a45085/twitchy-harassment/

      Exhibit C: Gun-humping Tea Party Christianists:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7q3fyBC4HFo

      Wonksplainer Bonus: http://www.politicalresearch.org/2013/11/22/nullification-neo-confederates-and-the-revenge-of-the-old-right/#sthash.ibNkSBLO.dpbs

      • janecita

        We are doomed. Thanks for the info.

  • limberrat

    But Samantha Bee said that Dana, sweet Dana was with the rebellicious Greg Gutfeld. Was she seeing Dubya on the side? I’m so confused….

  • Brother Yam

    The Bush family tragedy could not be any more Greek if Jeb borrowed
    Dick’s face-shooting gun to kill his dad and fuck his mom, though, being
    a Bush, he’d no doubt shoot himself in the foot instead.

    His dick. He’d shoot himself in his dick.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hu-bris….

      • bozilingus

        Jeb! doesn’t look Jewish…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sadly, he’d miss THE Dick.

  • Squirrel_t_robot

    The worst part of it all?

    There was never a good reason to stage Desert Storm. No, the invasion of Kuwait was not a good reason; in fact, it was a dumb one.

    HW Bush never bothered with diplomacy, so desperate was he to destroy his wimp persona by making war. HW’s administration did not even know Iraq was eyeing Kuwait in the first place; they seem to have forgotten what that CIA thingy HW was was the boss of was for.

    If there is a Bush in the White House, America will be at war. They simply cannot quit fucking Iraq, even when it turns into ISIS.

  • hellslittlestangel

    In other words, “Look how they massacred my boy!”

    Fuck you, old man.

  • Zhu Bajie

    Put both Georges on trial for war crimes, crimes against humanity, then lock them up for life to die of boredom, like Rudolf Hess.

  • Bill Slider

    Jeb! Will not be President, because George W fucked up after 9/11. But , that fuckup was really the fault of Chaney. Chaney fucked up because Rumsfield decided to be an iron ass. In fact, Rumsfield was such an iron ass that the iron core of planet Earth has been moving to the point that magnetic North could flip any day now, and we will be oriented by magnetic South. All Hail Magnetic South.

    Ships, both those navigating the oceans, as well as those navigating the skies, will become disoriented if this should happen. This event could also disorient the gyroscopes that are located in ships and planes to keep them correctly oriented and maintain the parallel plane on which they are travelling.

    No wonder the wingnuts do not believe in science. Further, I am not a scientist, but the computer keyboard janitor, who was just dusting the alpha-numeric keyboard. The words you just read reflect the keys I dusted, in the order I dusted them. If words were created, and sentences resulted, it is the result of my cleaning skills, and not my inferior intelligence.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    So Old Iron Ass Lynn Cheney took down Saddam Hussein? Does that mean Missy Benghazi Hillz will not be the first woman Prezndent?

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s a wonder we still have a country after electing those nitwits.

    • Rich H

      I agree, however they weren’t elected.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Is Daddy Bush going to hold off on publishing his biography until after Jeb Can Fix It crashes and buns so he can blame that on the bad people Jeb Can Fix It surrounded himself with in his campaign, or is he just going to put out an updated version so the rubes’ll have to go out and buy another copy of the same book?

  • Joshua Norton

  • WampusKat

    Um, no, Daddy Bush, it’s your fault that your sons are vile nincompoops. Darth Cheney simply found Dubya easily pliable:)

    This is why electing right-wing nincompoops (or in Dubya’s case, having one appointed by conservatives on the Supreme Court), such like the occupants of the current GOP Klown Kar, is always a bad idea. Jeb! is currently supplying positive proof that your parenting skills were… somewhat lacking… shall we say. You know you’re lying… no man weeps uncontrollably in public over “pride” in his offspring. This is something else entirely: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lkPXVnZAis

    Consider this gentle reminder an act of tough love, Papa Bear. It’s time to own up to the fact that you and yours did what you did knowingly and willingly: the first step to a cure is admitting you’ve got a problem. May we recommend a Twelve Step Program?

    Sincerely,
    Compassionate Liberal

  • Vegan and Tiara

    I think Poppy was the last Republican I can grudgingly respect. If nothing else, he gave us the term “voodoo economics.” Oh, how right he was about Reaganomics.

  • WampusKat

    Speaking of Bush fans and blaming other people for your own jacked up shit: Dubya’s Number 1 Fan:

    Glenn Greenwald: Unclaimed Territory: Friday, November 04, 2005

    “The reality of Latin American reaction to Bush”

    “George Bush is here in Latin America this week, visiting Brazil and Argentina, and the standard reports of the American media are trying to depict a handful of isolated, juvenile socialist-organized “demonstrations” as some sort of sweeping, popular mass protest against Bush’s visit, thereby suggesting, yet again, that the Administration’s policies are flawed because people in other countries dislike Bush. As usual, the truth is vastly different than what the U.S. media is reporting (see UPDATE below) .

    It is true that in this region (as is true for the U.S.), there remains a small, fervent band of left-wing fanatics with crazed enthusiasm for the worn-out, socialist/collectivist policies which have condemned millions upon millions of people throughout Latin America to poverty unimaginable to even the poorest Americans. These putative “mass demonstrations” in Argentina and Brazil are, in reality, nothing more than a few isolated spray-painting incidents of trite pacifist slogans in Brasilia, and a Cindy Sheehan-like “rally” of hard-core Socialists in Argentina led by an obese, Castro-idolozing, retired soccer player who found time away from his decade-old cocaine addiction to show up wearing an oh-so-clever t-shirt showing Bush’s name spelled with a swastika.”
    http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2005/11/reality-of-latin-american-reaction-to.html

    That there, dupes is a right-wing Libertarian. Not a “progressive.” Nobody but a Libertarian uses language like “collective/socialist pacifists” to defend Dubya and slime LEGITIMATE anti-war protesters (which Teanut Ron Paul isn’t ): http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/2007/11/dark-side-of-paul-phenomenon.html

    It also explains this shit (they have the announcement in their paws which is what they are referring to):

    LGF Pages: “Glenn Greenwald Will Speak to a Koch-Funded Event Named After a Pro-Lynching Racist Dixiecrat Congressman”
    http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/44314_Glenn_Greenwald_Will_Speak_to_a_Koch-Funded_Event_Named_After_a_Pro-Lynching_Racist_Dixiecrat_Congressman

  • WampusKat

    P.S. Here’s a screenshot (this stuff has a habit of disappearing, coincidentally):

    Libertarian Glenn Greenwald’s leg-humping of Bush & GOP Neocon, Inc. (while sliming legitimate anti-war protesters as “collectivist/socialist pacifists” in the process):
    http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2005/11/reality-of-latin-american-reaction-to.html

  • Roni Raven

    I read every comment and I must say I am disappointed at the decided scarcity of Bush/Dick puns.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Rolling with the photo above, I’m trying to work on the theme of Dick, currently mired in the bushes, looks on longingly at the Bush he truly desires. Kind of an 80s Ron Jeremy orgy theme. I dunno.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Whoever at the NYT picked out that photo deserves a pullet surprise.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “All these years, we’ve been wrongly crying to our therapist about the trauma we suffered from Bush’s reign of error, when it was really the Cheney family who sought revenge against Saddam Hussein”

    He don’t wear the name Darth Vader for nothing.

  • Dee Andee

    “remind us why the whole lot of you should shut the fuck up and fuck the fuck off forever, plus infinity, and then some more.”

    I love that. I could read that a lot more times, and I think I will.

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