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GUNNNNNNNS!
GUNNNNNNNS!

Of all the broken-braineded local politicking idiot teabagger ladies, Michele “That’s One L” Fiore is our favorite. She’s an assemblywoman in Nevada, and she came onto the scene just as Michele “The other one L” Bachmann was breaking our hearts by leaving Congress. Now, we thought Iowa gal Joni Ernst was our replacement gift, but she doesn’t castrate hogs on the Senate floor near enough, and besides, her name isn’t even “Michele.” So maybe the lesson is that when God closes a Bachmann door, he opens a FIORE window.

Because, HEY-O, Fiore’s running for Congress! To find out if she’s the True American Congresslady of Your Dreams, let’s look at some of her greatest hits.

You got some boobs? You got some guns? You like to pose your boobs and guns together, in calendars? GREAT.

Michele does those things! She has a new pin-up calendar to fight for the Second Amendment, and also, we guess, her modeling career. She SAYS the suggested $25 donations don’t have anything to do with her own congressional run, but who knows. Here’s Miss February:

fiorecalendar

And here’s Miss October. It’s Halloween-themed!

fiorehalloween

And here’s Miss May. Surprise, it’s Michele Fiore again, with a gun!

fioremay

This is all just so #America and so #freedom.

But keep those boobs covered up. Don’t want no transgenders peepin’ at your “nakedness area.”

Know who SHOULDN’T buy Fiore’s calendar? Transgenders. She’s got a real problem when she goes into the gym to do her exercises, and there’s a transgender in the locker room, staring at her “nakedness area.” And if a transgender woman has a penis, Fiore doesn’t want to be forced to stare at it, which is a thing that happens in locker rooms, the old forced genital staring competition.

She says it’s very important that all the ladies in the ladies’ locker rooms have “va jay jays,” because she has a “va jay jay.” Got it? Stop looking at her va jay jay! Fiore says if transgender ladies go to the va jay jay store and get one of their own, it’s fine for them to be in the locker room with her va jay jay.

Can the “federal government” even “own land”? Uhhhhhhh.

Oh yeah, Michele had her nakedness area ALL UP in the Cliven Bundy federal land rights foofaraw. It’s not that she doesn’t recognize the authority of the federal gubmint, she just questions it, is all.

She introduced a bill to kick the federal government out of Nevada, and then she got downright cussy when people made fun of it. She was just trying to stop tyranny, goddammit!

(Why she’s running to be a part of the federal government, in Congress? We don’t know. Maybe she wants to flush all the badness out of it from within, the way she does with the cancers.)

What the holy fuck did you just say about flushing out cancers?

Cancer sucks, and that’s why Michele Fiore wants to reform end-of-life care to give people better access to the known medical treatment of flushing it all out of your body with baking soda.

Yes, baking soda.

Oh, and did you know cancer is a just a fungus? Yep. So what you do is, you mix some baking soda into your morning coffee, to start the flushing process, and then you put a plumber’s snake up your naked butthole (WHEN THE TRANSGENDERS AREN’T AROUND), and you start sucking out that fungus.

It’s just science, assholes.

Don’t you hate it when people use guns Prozac and gun-free zones to commit mass killings?

Because that makes sense! The Oregon mass shooter’s online screen name mentioned lithium! We should do studies to see if that’s why he shot everybody! SHUT UP, IT WAS NOT ABOUT GUNS.

Know what IS about guns? Miss April, in Michele Fiore’s sex calendar:

fioreapril

Let’s solve campus rape by giving all the college girls guns too!

Jesus. Yes, she is for real. No, she is not kidding. Yes, she thinks arming all the co-eds will stop all the campus rape, even though conservatives think the very idea of a “sexual assault problem” on college campuses is mostly made up. No, we can’t even.

The Blacks? Don’t even get her started!

Fiore doesn’t want to hear blah blah voter ID disenfranchises black voters or anything like that. Did you even see that the president is a black? Uh, pretty sure that means racism is over, CASE CLOSED. Moreover, she stated in a hearing on voter ID laws that this one colleague of hers was the first “colored” in his family to graduate college. In conclusion, she’s tired of people playing the “race card” because do black people even exist? Pshaw.

“Ooh, I can solve sex trafficking, pick me, pick me! We can cut people’s balls off now?”

See, we told you Fiore was God’s real replacement for Bachmann. Joni Ernst is just teasin’ everybody cuttin’ balls of pigs. Fiore has a plan to castrate HUMANS! You see, if you just round up all the pimps and cut off their balls, they will stop sex trafficking, because pimps can’t do sex trafficking without their testicles, SHUT UP, IT DOES TOO MAKE SENSE.

Of course, if pimps can’t get boners, they might end up real mad and do sex trafficking even more, to spite Michele Fiore, but that’s neither here nor there. She would just like to cut some balls off, that’s all.

We rest our fucking case.

Is that enough? Are you playing M*A*S*H with your name and her name right now, on the back of your Trapper Keeper during study hall?

THOUGHT SO. She will be the best congresslady of all the congressladies, unless she loses, in which case God owes us another replacement, YOU HEAR THAT, GOD?

[Las Vegas Sun]

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  • Lizzietish81

    She’s no longer sucking it in and jutting out I see.

    Looks like someone has discovered photoshop.

  • ArgieBargie

    I can’t fap to this.

    • jmk

      Because you’re sane.

      • ArgieBargie

        Thanks; that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.

    • Angry_Cop

      Try harder. The whole white trash look is really doing it for me.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Eh, like pretty much every calendar girl, ever, she’s getting a lot of help from the photo retouching department. I suppose at closing time she’d be a “Sure, why not.” But you wouldn’t go to any special effort

    • Skwerl King

      I recommend a two week stay in Phoenix and a three hour per day cardio workout, then pretty much any female will become instantly fappable. .

    • Jeamonn

      You could if you had a condition that made insanity and stupidity attractive to you. Uh…wait, that’s called conservatism, never mind and carry on.

  • ArgieBargie

    Say, you know who else thought channeling Ted Nugent was an effective campaign strategy?

  • Angry_Cop

    Is she starring in a remake of “Roots”? Because she’s sure got some. Girl needs a competent hairdresser.

    Meow.

    • ArgieBargie

      She looks like a methed-out Annie Oakley on the set of an 80’s Motley Crue video.

  • Mike Janowski

    The “four Fs” for this babe. All she deserves.

  • Nounverb911

    What color is her ‘Bra Holster’?

    • Jeamonn

      These are possibly the most insanely dangerous things I have ever seen. I was in the military and was taught about weapon safety and proper handling, this is nether.

      • tomamitai

        I thought the “nether” region was down below?

        • Jeamonn

          oh boy…am I embarrassed. Wait I was home schooled, I don’t care.

          • theCryptofishist

            (nice save)

    • Lizzietish81

      Looks uncomfortable and hard to draw

      • Jeamonn

        You should have seen the first version on this product. The Vaginator didn’t test well in focus groups.

        • kindness

          But even the Beatles thought Happiness Was A Warm Gun.

          What could go wrong?

          • mtn_philosoph

            Bang bang, shoot shoot …

          • mtn_philosoph

            Hey, Industry Shill, up on the Hill, what’s in that bill?
            Hey, Industry Shill, up on the Hill, what’s in that bill?

      • Hutch

        I’d be afraid of shooting my tit off.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I’m guessing a blood spatter camo pattern.

    • Biff52

      I can’t remember, is that 2nd base?

  • tihond

    Barbie is really regretting having bought Skipper (R-Nevada) her first gun.

  • Treg Brown

    Still not seeing the difference.

    • drbloor

      The one on the right knows how to read.

      • sarahjane1912

        Well played. ;)

        • Agnes Martinez

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    • BadKitty904

      The one on the right looks less crazy.

    • Lizzietish81

      The one on the right has seen actual combat

    • Lascauxcaveman

      The one on the right doesn’t have a bad dye job. (As far as we can tell.)

      • fergawdssakes

        The one on the right actually has been under siege by the Federal government.

    • Redgyal

      I’ll play. The one on the left worships White Jesus. Case closed.

    • Me not sure

      Hey, I own a copy of that very Q’ran she’s holding onto. It makes for a great read. I haven’t finished it yet and I am dying to see how it comes out. No spoilers please.

  • Callyson

    Know what IS about guns? Miss April, in Michele Fiore’s sex calendar

    Does that get even better, Las Vegas Sun linky?

    Fiore’s April pose has her in front of an ornate library, accompanied by text that says “Diamonds aren’t a girls (sic) only best friend.”

    Yeah…I’m sure that if Marilyn had lived, she would totally have recorded “Guns Are a Girl’s Best Friend” as well!

    • malsperanza

      A LIBRARY? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      • Hutch

        Kitty:
        I was reading a book the other day.

        Carlotta:
        [surprised] Reading a book?

        Kitty:
        Yes. It’s all about civilization or something. A nutty kind of a book. Do you know that the guy says that machinery is going to take the place of every profession?

        Carlotta:
        Oh, my dear, that’s something you need never worry about.

    • PubOption

      Is she about to shoot the RINO’s in the background?

  • drbloor

    No one ever really reads the Congressional Record for the articles.

  • Jeamonn

    I am going to run for congress in my state. I am going to get elected by just being the most bat shit right wing guy I can be. Then I am going to troll the shit out of the idiots that voted for me by going to the statehouse and put the most gut-wrenching liberal policies I can think of on the floor.

    • Angry_Cop

      The entire party is SO ripe for somebody doing this.

      • Biff52

        See Trump!!, The Donald.

    • calliecallie

      Actually that is a genius idea. The right wing would totally buy the idea that a former liberal had seen the conservative light and been reborn a republican. It’s just the kind of story they like.
      If more people liked politics as much as I do, this would be a movie. The main character’s name would be Gerry Manders. He would be from Florida. Maybe African-American.
      Denzel, calling Denzel! I have a pitch for you! It’s Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with modern politics (ie., grifting). If I had more time I would write you a screenplay.

      • Sgt. Gym Bunny

        I wonder what the going rate is for wingnut black chicks from Baltimore??? I might have to get my grift on.

        • Jeamonn

          I dunno, but you would have to show up to your press conferences on a unicorn.

        • Biff52

          Isn’t that where Michael Steele got his start?

      • Jeamonn

        Yeah, it would all start with a Batman like event in my life that pushed me to the right.

        • data_ninja

          Don’t forget to mention that you’ve been forgiven for your liberal sins.

        • theCryptofishist

          Mugging. “Urban” mugging.

  • JMP

    Running for Congress? Please, with such a keen grasp on the crazy, Fiore should run for the Senate!

    Really, she should – then, like Sharron Angle before her, she could turn a likely Republican win in Nevada into a guaranteed Democratic victory.

  • Michael Smith

    She doesn’t want to see any penises in her locker room, unless they are the “making-up-for-my-own-inadequacy-with-this-phallic-killing-machine” kind.

  • drbloor

    “Oh, and did you know cancer is a just a fungus? Yep. So what you do is, you mix some baking soda into your morning coffee, to start the flushing process, and then you put a plumber’s snake up your naked butthole (WHEN THE TRANSGENDERS AREN’T AROUND), and you start sucking out that fungus.

    It’s just science, assholes.”

    Or in this case, asshole science.

  • weejee

    She seems to be confusing Glocks and cocks.

  • Skwerl King

    “You got some boobs? Blah blah blah blah? You like to pose your boobs and blah blah together, in calendars?

    Yes God, please. Or was there more I didn’t pay attention too?

  • Callyson

    Remind me, Crooks and Liars link, what else should we know about this nutcase?

    Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who received $6 million in Medicaid funding during a five-year period, has refused to allow state inspectors to review her records and could have her license to operate revoked, sources confirmed this week…

    Fiore’s business already has been in trouble with the IRS, which filed millions in liensagainst her for improperly not passing withholdings from her employees on to the government.

    That’s it, send the other GOP hopefuls home: we have a winner!

    • Spotts1701

      The state inspectors came around again in September and found the “business” closed. Calls were made that went to voice mail. She has been told she has 10 days to report whether her business is still in operation or face immediate revocation of her license.

      • Angry_Cop

        Ah, that explains the run for office. Gotta do something to keep the cash flow moving.

        • Skwerl King

          Calendar sales just ain’t doing it.

        • Lot_49

          Plus members of Congress can’t be arrested while it’s in session. Win/win!

      • aureolaborealis

        I guess we can assume her business is … tits-up?
        *Roger Daltrey screams*

        • borninatrailer

          Unfortunately, voters are quite likely to get fooled again.

      • theo775

        Yeah today she “announced” that she closed her business last week due to RED TAPE but just didn’t tell anyone.

        Oh, and she’s announced a new venture: “Truth in Politics” magazine.

        Apparently she can grift more from those gullible 75 year-old men and their viagra boners than from Medicare.

    • Badger33

      Typical grifter.

  • DahBoner

    I bet that bra she wears has more regulations than her guns.

    https://media1.giphy.com/media/KYRZqrBL8NdAY/200w_d.gif

    • calliecallie

      The printing of calendars probably has more regulations than her guns!

  • Lizzietish81

    Italy had a porn star in it’s parliament.

    And they had more dignity than this.

  • jmk

    This new One-L is, admittedly, a complete moran, but for sheer crazy derpitude, that lady Opal who is perennially running for mayor of Toledo wins the A Idiot crown.

  • Brewerofbeers

    “which is a thing that happens in locker rooms, the old forced genital staring competition”

    Wait. Are you saying that that is not a thing?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    She’s a twit, and I don’t agree with anything she stands for except the bit about cutting balls off – I sometimes think I’d like to do that to all the convicted rapists and pedophiles and wife beaters. It’s annoying to actually agree with her about something. On the other hand, I don’t see what use it is to cut the balls off pimps, who aren’t raping anyone or abusing children or their wives (or only rarely) so even when she’s on to something she gets it wrong, which is common with Conservatives.

  • stupid – she’s really stupid and proud to show it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV1L48a9obE

    • Jeamonn

      I’m concerned that who ever posted this thinks that she owned Chris Hayes…

      • I assumed “NewsLeak” was her.

      • jviscont1

        I’ll go with her director of communications as the poster – herself.

    • BadKitty904

      That’s what gets me about these people. They genuinely *are* proud of their ignorance. How does that even work?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Paging Mr. Dunning; paging Mr. Kruger.

      • who the fuck do you think voted for that asshat ? The men of Las Vegas, Clark County, Nevada, who thought her tits and ignorance represented their interests well.

    • JMP

      Psst, whoever uploaded that – when someone proves themselves to be an utter idiot who has no clue what they are talking about in an interview, the interviewer does not in fact “get owned” by them, they instead “get owned” by the interviewer. How you can watch that clip and give it a title that describes the exact opposite of what happened there is beyond me.

      • Zippy

        no shit- she’s a blithering idiot. She is one of those people who have convinced themselves that if they never shut up and talk over the person they are debating, that means they win. Also too, I am perfectly good with the federal government pointing guns at that racist deadbeat Bundy and his band of treasonous fuckwits. At this point I’d be OK if they sent in a B-52 from Nellis AFB and dropped a Daisy Cutter on their ranch.

      • Like I gave it that title ? Dude, I don’t post youtubes. See that user of mine “HITO” – have had it since 2008 and I don’t have a youtube account.

        Get a little introspection into your life before you haul off and insult someone’s intelligence.

        Pffft.

        • JMP

          Um, that’s why I directed that to “whoever uploaded that” – not to you. That was directed at the title the uploader gave the video.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      Ummm… Evidently this lady doesn’t know that lots of organized crime syndicates really do go down because of tax evasion violations. And the Feds really do come in with the guns. Her butt-buddy Bundy ain’t special. And yes, she really is A Idiot.

  • JMP

    OT, but is it OK to celebrate someone’s death when he is probably the man most responsible for the invasion of Iraq than anyone else outside of the Bush administration themselves?

    • Angry_Cop

      Celebrate away. I am.

      • JMP

        I just wish it was slower and more painful than a simple heart attack.

    • Lizzietish81

      When Reagan died my friend said “you should only speak of the dead. He’s dead. Good.”

    • TheBidenator

      Who bought the farm? Was it Bill Kristol?

      • Hutch

        Chalabi. RIH.

        • TheBidenator

          So Abraham van Helsing tracked him to his lair and finally staked him? I suppose a celebration is in order….

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Point me to the grave, and I’ll piss on it.

  • BadKitty904

    An armed, psychotic drag-queen who quotes Ted “Pants-filler” Nugent? “She’s” got my vote!!!

    • TheBidenator

      Nobody fills a pair of underwear* like the Nugewear
      *product may contain equal parts urine and feces and therefore is not for most people. Tea partiers are welcome to wear Nugewear on their heads for style…

    • BackDoorMan

      … I think that should be “drag-queen wannabe”, because even on their worst day, I’ve never seen a DQ fail so spectacularly. I agree with everything else.

  • TheBidenator

    Should she get into Congress I won’t be sad, she’ll give us all material for years and reinvigorate the pronounced dead jokes about one-L Michelle’s industry which can use a shot in the arm.

  • Tom Ford

    Why does her face look like an illustration in some of her “photos”?

    • jmk

      Those are from before she got the hang of the airbrushing tool in Photoshop.

      • riledupone

        It maybe before she had her face ‘photoshopped’.

  • diogenez

    Michele Fiore – you like dick, we get it.

    You’re doing it wrong.

    • chicken thief

      Are we sure? I mean, if the gun is a peen…. maybe her gf is a submissive? I mean, I have no inside info or anything. Just asking the question….

      • Hutch

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Spotts1701

    She’d do far less damage to the Republic as a back-bencher in Congress than continuing to muck up the state legislature.

  • TheBidenator

    What are the chances that like the other one-L her crazy is linked to being married to a gay guy and therefore she hasn’t gotten laid in like, 15 years? The slobbering over guns is almost too Freudian….

    • Lance Thrustwell

      …aand being the good Christian girl that she is, she hasn’t let herself (consciously) think about sex or cheating on her husband in all that time! And so she fills her life with long, hard barrels… by Jingo, I think you may be on to something, sir.

  • Cismontane

    All this means she’ll make some Repub presidential candidate a fine running mate. They could use a firmer lock on Colorado, obviously. Ted?

  • frrolfe

    what a republican!! She can smile with a mountain of dental work and still hold a gun.Talk about multi-tasking.

    • BadKitty904

      You’d think Fox would’ve hired her by now…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Too chubby, actually. FOX likes long and lean, but also stacked. Fiore is only one outta three.

        • Biff52

          And only stacked because of superior engineering. Otherwise, they’d be measured in length. She does nothing for me.

  • TheBidenator

    This woman is a perfect storm of crazy, ignorant and stupid….she needs to knock off a RINO to turn a purple or pink district deep blue in 2 years. I think she’s got the right stuff to do it….

    • She’s a Spearmint RINO!

  • witsended

    I think Mr Nugent maybe mistaken. (polite)

    The number one place for both firearm related deaths is Alaska it is also number one for violent crime.

    1. Alaska
    > 2013 firearm death rate: 19.6 per 100,000
    > Total firearm deaths 2004-2013: 1,256 (10th lowest)
    > Violent crime rate: 640.4 (the highest)
    > Permit required to buy handgun: No
    > Poverty rate: 9.3% (2nd lowest)
    (Facts)
    But what does a dumb Brit know. (humour. spelt the way god intended.)

    • Thaumaturgist

      Query: did Jesus write the British Constitution?

      • tomamitai

        Isn’t it unwritten?

        • Thaumaturgist

          In other words, “no.” Jesus didn’t write no British constitution. Just ours. And Jesus spells funniness “humor,” not the silly British way.

    • jmk

      Teddy don’t need no facts, you LIBRUL!!!1!!11!!1!!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Will she introduce legislation to bring guns into Congress? That’s my only issue…

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Rep Preston Brooks approves of this comment.

      • Antimassacree

        Well, yes I do enjoy a good, principled Southern caning.

        –Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-My Stars & Garters!)

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Miss May picture really brings out her true age. Much better than all the makeup for the headshots.

    Headshots? Guns? I’m on a roll today!

    • Angry_Cop

      You’re on target!

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Shoot! Wish I’d thought of that.

        • chicken thief

          I’m confident you’ll hit the bullseye with the next comment.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Not if he’s shooting blanks!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            She should get a grip. (I hope I’m the first one with than pun. I’d hate to be a repeater.)

          • Jeamonn

            Seriously, guys…Glock it off with the puns already!

          • riledupone

            Yeah, we need a better calibre of not-allowed-comments here.

        • jmk

          It triggered the same response in me.

      • Hutch

        Lock and load!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Could not arrange it better!

      • jmk

        He’s a barrel of laughs!

    • Jeamonn

      I think you all need a class on pun safety.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It’s worth a shot.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      It’s not her face. It’s a Surveyer’s Mark.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Jeez, these comments are coming at a really fast clip!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        IT’S NOT A CLIP, IT’S A MAGAZINE!

        • Oblios_Cap

          And I forgot to say anything about her bare arms in the picture!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Well jeez, make an issue of it, why doncha.

        • riledupone

          Well, you’re all fired up aren’t you?

        • NationalGalleryofClipArt

          RIP NEILIST

          TOO SEXY FOR THIS WORLD

    • TheBidenator

      listen here you, there’s no need to shotgun the comedy, we’re already laughing at the puns you’ve fired at us…

    • BackDoorMan

      … obviously you aim to please!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, pants shitting coward Ted Nugent is your go to guy for quotes about gun control.

    Impressive.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    It’s real difficult to have a safe Halloween when you’re pointing a gun at my face, lady.

    • zerosumgame0005

      FREEDUM!!!!!!!!!!
      (extra !s to make sure it’s important!)

  • crunchyknee

    Too much hair dye will make anyone crazy.

    • BadKitty904

      She’s apparently proud of her roots…

      • FauxAntocles

        Mee-owww!

        • BadKitty904

          *purrs*

      • nmmagyar

        This is why I love you!

        • BadKitty904

          Aww!

          <–rubs on NM and purrs *extra* loud!

    • zerosumgame0005

      sniffing burned Cordite will help that right along…

  • Sgt. Gym Bunny

    Hmmm… Wonder what would happen if a black lady candidate ran a campaign that included a calendar of her all sexily clad and waving guns around…

    • Lizzietish81

      Well if she were a Republican….

      Though actually has Ben Davis or any of the other black GOP Gentlemen been shown with a gun?

      • Sgt. Gym Bunny

        Well, Bishop E.W. Jackson from the Virginia governor’s raced smashed watermelons with an axe… I don’t know if that really counts, tho…

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Shot 43 times at her campaign announcement. Police were cleared of any wrongdoing and no charges will be filed.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      Nicki did it better…

      • frrolfe

        NOBODY does it better!!!

    • fifthdentist
  • BadKitty904

    How is this person not running for President on the GOP ticket? With Oily Taint as her VP?

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Some anagrams of the new one-L’s name:

    Fleece Him I Or
    Fierce He Limo
    Cheerio, El MIF
    Chief Lei More
    El Meh Orifice
    Heroic Feel Mi
    Chemo Fire Lie
    Rife Mile Echo
    Lice Fire Home
    Mile Of Her Ice
    Crime Life Hoe

    • Angry_Cop

      “Crime Life Hoe” gets my vote. Seems to be somewhat accurate as well.

      • LesBontemps

        I dunno, “Lice Fire Home” is pretty evocative, and “El Meh Orifice” is totes Wonket.

  • FauxAntocles

    Needz moar cleavage!
    Also, too, nothing like wishing someone a safe Halloween while you point a gun at them.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Fiore’s cleavage makes her (straight, male) supporters think of… I think it rhymes with “city trucking.”

      Not me, though! My sexual thoughts are completely governed by my political sensibilities. Yes sirree.

      • LesBontemps

        Yeah, I’d do her, too.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        “Shitty clucking?”

      • bozilingus

        Pity Fucking?

      • NationalGalleryofClipArt

        That doesn’t rhyme with motorboating!

    • nmmagyar

      How? It would be a violation of all the laws of Physics and the Holy Roman Church for her to sport any more cleavage.

    • Oh i though that was just her demonstration of what a “responsible gun owner” looks like.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Looks like she hired the same artist who painted Bobby Jindal.

    • tihond

      And restored that one Jesus picture.

      • NationalGalleryofClipArt

        In her previous trade, that’s called softfocus.

        (I could swear there was a ‘Michel(l)e Fiore’ posing in Playboy Newsstand Specials when I was an undergrad in the late 90s.)

  • Randy Riddle

    I’m seeing a VP running mate for Trump here.

    • BackDoorMan

      … Melanoma would probably have something to say about that. She knows how much her husband likes to see women on their knees (he told us himself), and it’s bad enough she has to compete with Ivanka for the old fucker’s attention.

  • bookish

    I hate gun porn. Bad with men, even uglier with women.

  • Jeamonn

    I’d hit that…with a shovel.

    • Antimassacree

      ..full of votes, right??

      • Jeamonn

        I guess.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    Here in Michigan, teabagging family values former state reps Todd Courser (fabricate a worse scandal so the first one will pale in comparison when news of it breaks) and Cindy Gamrat (the also-married state rep he was banging), the two 1st-term lawmakers who were expelled from the state house for the misuse of tax dollars related to their affair and the coverup therof, are each running in the special elections called today to fill the vacancies created by their own expulsions. If they win, I will know for sure that democracy in this country is nothing more than an experiment that failed. So I have no fucks left to give for chunky Miss. Titties and Guns or the rock in the desert from under whence she crawled.

    • MrBlobfish

      What do the polls say? Any chance for the adulterers?

    • chicken thief

      When Adam Clayton Powell did it I thought it was kinda cool.

      • theCryptofishist

        And then there was that woman who wrote “B” on her face.

    • TheBidenator

      Speaking of fabricating, did you hear about the wingnut lady who emailed herself her own death threats? Purely hilarious and she might wind up doing time for trying to get the oldest wingnut trick in the book going: the persecution complex. Personally I’d claim insanity were I her but she ought to do that for being a wingnut in the first place….

    • Angry_Cop

      Courser is still insisting he’s the victim of an extortion plot. And he apparently has “a slim chance” of winning. Gamrat seems to be doomed.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        To be fair, Ms. Gamrat doesn’t have a penis, so that’s working against her.

    • Msgr_Moment

      You can breathe a sigh of relief.

  • IronPyrite

    “Jeeves, my eye bleach.”

    “Very good, sir.”

    • Bammac

      Will there be anything else, sir?

  • deanbooth

    Are castrated pimps allowed in the va jay jay locker room?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    The Federal Government owned all those lands until the passage of the Homestead Act–which was pro-immigrant and pro-socialism–if I am not mistaken.

    Later the state was admitted into the union.

    Oh yeah, and the Homestead Act was passed by Republicans when they liked immigrants (one out of 4 people who fought for the North in the Civil War) and Socialism like giving away free land to immigrants.

    • Angry_Cop

      Feds still own about 85% of Nevada IIRC. Largest percentage by far of any state. So it’s a sore point for some of them, although why anyone would give a shit about million of acres of uninhabitable, ungrazable scrub desert is beyond me. It’s not like there’s oil there or anything.

      • DoILookAmused2u ?

        It’s socialism to use everbody else’s money to buy all that land and then just give it away–mostly to immigrants–like Republicans did.

        lol

      • marxalot

        Seriously, the federal Gov’t only “owns” (ie, has custody over) that land because they couldn’t give it away. It’s fucking worthless unless you don’t own it. Anyone who had to pay property taxes and upkeep on that scrubby hell would be running it at a loss, but the feds can just absorb it.

        • Not to mention something I learned about in my sojourn out west: Water rights. If you don’t have them – and the odds are you won’t – then your land is basically worthless. More than a few people got suckered into buying “really, really cheap” land, only to find out they’d overpaid for it.

      • theCryptofishist

        Yeah, I think that’s about right. And then the state and local governments take another 8% or so, leaving Nevadans with 7%.

        It might be good for building monster solar farms, but my preference is as must rooftop as possible–no transmission lines needed.

        Not that anyone asked.

      • riledupone

        Not to mention all that good ol’ fashioned radiation still hovering around. I guess what happens in Vegas stays in your bloodstream.

  • docterry6973

    She won’t lose. She can’t possibly lose.

    • Biff52

      She can’t fail, she can only be failed.

  • jellysblues

    Why am I getting the same feeling that I got when Wonkette introduced us to that sexy new govener from Alaska so many years ago?

    • nmmagyar

      Nausea?

      • Tony Alexander

        angst!

        • riledupone

          ‘Trauma’, if we want to stick to the ‘t’s’.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Is that the name of Bristol’s expected kid?

        • Doug Langley

          Depends how tough the morning sickness goes.

    • tihond

      Let’s hope she doesn’t have a daughter.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    On a semi-serious note, when she brings up the transgender-in-locker-room issue, it occurs to me that maybe Ts in locker rooms are the tip of the wedge that will start to cause some cracks in our ridiculously uptight attitudes about nudity in sport, swimming or bathroom contexts. One can hope.

    That was basically Fiore’s argument, right? Maybe I didn’t read that transcript carefully enough.

    • Brianna Amoré

      Nah. We tend to do our shit and get the fuck out.

    • Biff52

      When I see her shape, gyms and locker rooms are about the farthest thing from my mind. Donut shop, maybe.

    • Sgt. Gym Bunny

      I’m just confused as to why I should be concerned by any woman, trans or not, staring at my “nakedness area”. Most of us essentially have the same equipment, and it’s not like I can’t stare at hers either. So we’re even, right?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Funny – she doesn’t look like a real blonde.

  • IronPyrite

    You might want to throttle back on your attention whoring, Michele – lots of Mormons in the Silver State. Speaking of which, where’s Mr. Fiore? You know, the baby daddy?

  • JohnR

    FFS, who gives money to this person?

    • MrBlobfish

      Angry loners.

    • nmmagyar

      The makers of KY jelly and Colt?

    • Tony Alexander

      leave it on the nightstand on your way out the door

  • MrBlobfish

    Yes. Ted Nugent. Who sings:

    Well I don’t care if you’re just thirteen
    You look too good to be true
    I just know that you’re probably clean
    There’s one lil’ thing I got do to you

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Someone needs to revoke that man’s gun license AND his poetic license.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And his licentious.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    So, fer giggles I decided to do a brief (lazy!) search for the husband, assuming closeted (it’s a one-L thing, right?), and the only picture I could find in my brief search was this, not even attributed as her husband. Maybe her fluffer?

    Anyway, it looks like she and the husband are on the outs, because she’s accusing him of being the source of her tax issues:

    Assembly Majority Leader designate Michele Fiore said today that her problems with the Internal Revenue Service stemmed from actions by her former accountant, who was her husband at the time, and an employee who stole from her.

    Discussing her tax issues on Alan Stock’s conservative talk radio show, Fiore said
    she was now in full compliance with the IRS after being hit with more than $1 million in tax liens dating to 2003. She said the older liens have been resolved, and the remaining amount she owes is between $90,000 and $96,000 not including penalties and other fees that will be imposed by the IRS.

    Fiore, who has operated two home health care businesses, did not identify the employee she accused of stealing from her and said the alleged crime has not been prosecuted. However, she implied that legal action will be taken, saying “there will be
    consequences” from the theft.

    As for the accountant, she identified him as her ex-husband but did not elaborate on how he contributed to her tax troubles. Asked about her own role in the problem, Fiore said she was too trusting of her employees.

    tl;dr: Don’t blame her, it’s not her fault she’s a tax cheat! Party of personal responsibility, yo!

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Good Heavens!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Home health care” = government cash. Why are the WORST of these teabagging fucknuts making a fortune as TAKERS while they bitch about the poorz????

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        They are really bitchin about the government overseeing the money they are taking for the poorz, mostly.

    • IronPyrite

      “I know that money we owe to the IRS is in here somewhere.”

      • Bammac

        It’s all there….she’s actually flat as a boy, but she don’t trust no banks..,,

        • Msgr_Moment

          I for one am glad she doesn’t carry plastic.

          • Bammac

            (Laughing)

    • BackDoorMan

      … “motorboating! amirite, guys?…”

    • Wow she really DOES know how congress works! I stand corrected.

  • IronPyrite

    “Because I’ll tell you this right now: If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year. Why are you laughing? Do you think that’s funny? That’s not funny at all. I’m serious as a heart attack.”

    [Ted Nugent, April 14, 2012]

    What a shame, Ted, that your powers of prognostication aren’t as prodigious as Michele’s ego.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s over three years late with that prediction.

      • You would think, if any deity had a sense of humor or karma exists, that he’d have accidentally shot himself by now.

        • Bren

          Evidence that the all knowing God can’t spell was when Ted shit himself when he should have shot himself.

          • Cindyinencinitas

            If only his Dog had accidentally shot him, I may have had my faith restored.

          • Bren

            In Dog we trust.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Hey Ted, ya fucking idjit – here are the states with the highest murder rates in the nation:

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      As a New England native, I proudly present the bottom of that list:

  • Antonin Dvorak

    I really hope that was a prop gun she was pointing directly at the photographer in the October photo.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      The Nuge was the photographer and he was sure the gun wasn’t loaded.

  • Vecchiojohn

    Guns, Boobs, God, Castration, Grits and Gravy. The Michele Fiore Story. (As told to Bill O’Reilly’s ghost writer.)

  • AlanInSF

    Dear Michele: The place with the most gun control laws, Japan, has 11 gun homicides a year. The place with the most guns, the U.S., has 12,000. Not saying Ted Nugent isn’t a reliable source or anything, but you might want to check the math.

  • clubseal

    That Ted Nugent quote is pure gold. I seem to remember a ton of inner city gang areas being overloaded with guns – i.e., the places with the most guns – and being particularly full of crime.
    Then again, maybe I’ve read some history or something.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh sure. And I suppose next you’re going to bring up irrelevancies like population concentration, poverty, or distrust of police. Pfft, liberals. Always making everything so complicated.

      • clubseal

        The War on Drugs, also too.

      • Cindyinencinitas

        Lance, Lance, Lance… We’ve talked about this. These people are just too lazy to ask their dads for a million dollars to go live right.

    • Msgr_Moment

      And some days the seal clubs you.

      • clubseal

        The seal lured me to the clubbing site by offering a kiss from a rose on a grave.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    To find out if she’s the True American Congresslady of Your Dreams, let’s look at some of her greatest hits.

    You mispelled the word…. Nah, too obvious.

  • Enfant Terrible

    All that wondrous buxomness and no side-boob? I has a disappoint.

  • Gorillionaire

    She could be a smash hit in interracial pron.

  • Rex Thorne

    Wingnuts never seem to realize how insane they look in their gun porn.

  • Redgyal

    Again, there is a certain segment of the US American population that gets very violent when they don’t get their way. Always have been, always will be.

  • BMW

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyPXmIPWzx4

    Looks better than her self-financed independent film.

    • The Other Tim

      I did not come to Wonkette today to feel bad about Erin Gray’s. Damn you!

  • Me not sure

    … and # dipshit.

  • tihond

    Is there something weird going on with her boobs in these pics? It feels like there’s something weird going on.

    • Dee Andee

      What’s weird is that she’s trying to show them off without actually showing them…that’s what seems weird to me.

    • Msgr_Moment

      They followed my eyes across the room.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Ben Carson did her boob job.

  • Me not sure

    She really shouldn’t be pointing that gun at the photographer. She looks like a character out of a bad “Nick Danger” episode. Does everyone know her as Nancy?

    • Lizzietish81

      No! Put down that pickle!

      • Me not sure

        “Nancy! Who is that ugly dwarf with his hand down your throat?”

        • Lizzietish81

          We’re going to ancient Greece!

          And swim the English Channel?!

          • Me not sure

            Lizzietish81 you never let me down.

        • Msgr_Moment

          “Rocky Rococo, at your cervix. ”

          • Me not sure

            Perfect!

    • clever_sobriquet

      Oh, you mean Betty Jo Bialoski

      • Me not sure

        “Betty Jo Bialoski, I hadn’t heard that name since….”

  • The Other Tim

    She is frequently not looking in the direction in which her gun is pointed.

  • McHitler (formerly Nuke90210)

    This woman legitimately scares me…

  • borninatrailer

    It’s like a thinly-sketched minor John Waters character was brought to life.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    In short order she is going to issue a statement that she is not a witch, right?

  • Lawk

    How is it someone so stupid can become a Congress woman? Can she spell Congress or is the baking soda having an adverse reaction to the peroxide on her head? Yes, I know that was more snarky than clever

  • Lizzietish81
  • Markuserektus

    Face it, w’re outgunned :P

    (at least they have trigger discipline)

    • Angry_Cop

      I noticed that. The trigger discipline thing. A pleasant surprise. Even in Michele’s calendar.

      I take new shooters to the range every now and then, and we have a safety meeting beforehand. About 90% of it is spent on two things: don’t point the gun at anything you’re not going to kill, and don’t put your fucking finger inside the trigger guard unless you’re actually firing the gun. That second one is REALLY hard for people to get, I have to ride them really hard on it. So I’ll say the only nice thing I’ll ever say about either one of these two: great trigger discipline, ladies!

  • Skippy2000

    Air-brushed much?

    • Yeah, that Jessica Rabbit chick should really start imitating someone a lot less cartoonish.

  • Cindyinencinitas

    I like the May one where she’s trying to imitate someone who is mentally intact.

  • dshwa

    She’d be leading the freedumb caucus in no time, if girls were allowed to be leaders.

  • Jakers

    I would like to point out as someone born and raised in Nevada….she is actually from Brooklyn. I just hope someone kept the receipt for a return.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      You accepted her, you voted her to be a local derp, you get to keep her now. Take some responsibility, Nevada!!!!1!!!

      • Jakers

        That’s a big Nuh-Uh. She is from the 4th Assembly District (Vegas) which isn’t even REAL Nevada.

        • sw19womble

          What happens in the 4th Assembly District, stays in the 4th Assembly District.

    • Well to be fair i think PARTS of her originated from Nevada.

  • chimichanga

    Her favorite cocktail is vinegar and water.

  • LesBontemps

    I was right there with you, Michele, DTF until I got to the December pic where you said, “From my family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.” Happy Holidays???? What kind of America-hatin’ atheist commie muslin are you????

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      Perhaps she’s using it in the British sense of time away from the office. &, while foreign, Britain is an ally in wingnut minds as long as loyal supplysider David Cameron rules from 10 Downing.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, Obama. It’s clear this assperiment with democracy isn’t working. Can we please get the FEMA camps up and running? And get off your duff, you’re running out of time to nuke a US city and declare martial law.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Fiorina/Fiore 2016 – Oh For Fiuck’s Sake!

    • Msgr_Moment

      You say Funiculi,
      I say Funicula.

  • LarkintheAM

    Gives new meaning to the phrase “fashion shoot”.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    The kids’ calendar was canceled when the photo session ended in tragedy.

  • eddi

    Babes and Guns calenders are commonplace. This is a travesty. Which fits the rest of her style perfectly.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      I thought dressing up as The Joker was a nice touch for May.

  • Hellga Rodda

    She’s got a creepy clown smile. Modeling? Really?

    • Lizzietish81

      Tyra would have kicked her out at the auditions.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Big tits and money, now with guns!

    • wash_guy@yahoo.com

      No money she owes a considerable amount to the IRS and the State of NV just revoked her business license.

  • Bammac

    Sooooo……that shit under my toenails is cancer, huh? Who knew?

    THIS is the kind of laughably batshit insane lounge lizard that typically ends its existence at around 53 years of age, crumpled in the tequila reeking wreckage of some crappy car wrapped around a tree in Nowhere, Nevada, with what’s left of its pickled brain oozing from one ear into its beehive hairdo.

    Now, thanks to fucking airbags and moronic teatard voters, it wants to have a say in running the country. This is their idea of “patriotism”.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Dang. This bread has cancer. Throw it out.

      Also, cheese is just milk with cancer.

      • Bammac

        Just you slip a box of Arm & Hammer into your fridge and everything will smell fresh and be cancer free!

      • sw19womble

        Mushroom libel!!!!!

    • IronPyrite

      I see the rumors of your demise are greatly exaggerated. Welcome to the jungle.

      • Bammac

        Howdy, IP. It’s the smell….it fools people. Hope you & yours are good.

  • Sheepshagger

    But I like titties goddamn it.

  • Notreelyhelping

    So that’s what it stands for: tits & ammo.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      Spent shells can be easily retrofitted as pocket vibes, as well.

  • BeliTsari

    OK, so the Trump ticket has a VP finally? Wonder how long after inauguration before she bites through his spine?

    • Teto85

      She’s a trifecta for Donbald’s choice of VP:
      1.) Gun nut.
      2.) Blonde bimbo type
      3.) Datable.

  • Matthew Hawkins

    If she is going to try to buy my vote with a tasteless calendar at least it could have been topless.

  • wash_guy@yahoo.com

    This was originally intended to be a 2015 calendar but it took a year of touching up the pictures to hide all of the pox marks on her face.

  • D G

    So based on Ted Nugent’s quote, he’s calling for the elimination of the “worst gun control” in places like Chicago, Baltimore, and New York, and ARMING more people in those areas, and that will ipso facto reduce violent crime……

    Got it. It was SO SIMPLE!!

    • Er…ted? Wouldn’t those “high crime” places ALSO be the “most armed”? Geez!

      • D G

        According to the rap videos I see on youtube, they are EXTREMELY armed.

  • Kip TW

    She’s a pimp ball wizard! There has to be a twist.

    • Ow, she wants to TWIST them off??

      • Kip TW

        Again, like last summer. That’s why she has such a supple wrist.

  • Kip TW

    And how ’bout her as Jessica Rapidfire there? “I’m not bad, I’m just drawin’ that way.”

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Michele’s crazy for wanting to dump that sweet state gig for Congress. I mean, has she even seen their fucked up work schedule?

    • Takoma DC

      I know it’s a grueling 111 days of “work” for congress in 2016.

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      I suspect that she, like Mattress Mary Fallin, will be upset after her first tour of duty because she will discover that there are so many much much much hotter wimmen in DC for the men to use for sexual favors than them so they will feel left out and want to come back home where their lesser loveliness is so greatly appreciated by those who look somewhat more like this:

      http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/01/06/article-2534564-1A72D00700000578-205_634x762.jpg

      Than someone like – oh, say, Chris Hemsworth.

      • Tansy Geek

        Oh, that’s sweet. Someone made a sweater and pants for their potato.

  • btwbfdimho

    We need gunz to defend ourselves from the government, so now that she’s going to be in the government, doz she still needz the guns?

    • Takoma DC

      So many in congress preach: gunz for all; everywhere a gun gun. Did you hugz your gunz today? However, these gobbermint officials will not permit their constituents to bring gunz into congressional office buildings or inside the national capitol. I wonder why?

      • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

        Askeered of the nutballs who elected them?

  • The “Nooge” is right . Places that have the WORST gun control will in fact have the highest crime rate. That’s kinda why we need to do what we can to make it better, so that gun control laws can gave a stronger construction and consistency then Teddie Boy’s sentence structure.

  • Sterculius

    She keeps posing in front of cameras as if she doesn’t know that her fat, round, oily face is repulsive … no wait, teabaggers have sex fantasies about Ann “The Man” Coulter, who I’m pretty sure is really Tom Petty.

    • limberrat

      Glad to see I am not the only one finding her repulsive.

    • gloria_gloria

      Stay classy.

    • Takoma DC

      Tom Petty has a beautiful soul. There’s absolutely no way they could be the same “person” as Coulter is soulless and has that annoying throbbing-syphallitic-cock-stuck-in-esophogus affected voice assholes misinterpret as erudite and refined.

      • Sterculius

        Well, I just thought that Tom Petty might have an evil, ugly, soulless side side that liked to say vicious and idiotic things. In a dress.

  • Takoma DC

    It’s always funny when a physically, mentally and ethically repulsive narcissist persists in showcasing their image as their brand. It’s obvious Fiore has intense self-esteem issues. Her self-obsession is a dis-ease she is proud to share. I’m certain her supporters are just as dis-eased as Fiore herself. I’m waiting for the Fiore sex scandal to break.

  • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

    “PORN STAR Idiot Nevada Assemblywoman…..”

    fify

  • Agnes Martinez

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  • Slinger

    Why isn’t she wearing one of these ?

    • lissapatton

      Where can I get one of those?

      • Takoma DC

        Kentucky, Alabama, South Carolina, Montana, Utah, Colorado, Arizona, Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, Louisiana….do you see a pattern?

  • Teto85

    Jesus Fucking Tap-dancing Christ, where do these people come?

  • lissapatton

    Contrary to myth, a woman’s intelligence has nothing to do with the size of her breasts.

    • IronChefSandwiches

      True. But men’s tolerance for idiocy seems to go up with the cup size. God, I’m embarrassed to be a man sometimes.

  • maman

    How could I or anyone else without a speculum look at her vagina (I’m taking a J.K. Rowling/Albus Dumbledore philosophy of “Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself”.

  • Tansy Geek

    Is this enough of a va jay jay for Michele?
    http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/18543/Camel/
    Sort of NSFW but mostly tacky.

  • Daniel P

    That’s the first set of airbrushed pictures I’ve seen of a woman where her chest actually looks smaller. Can we have that picture of her on the ATV back, please?

  • Joe E Dangerously

    Home means Nevada.

  • Shanahan

    She’s advocating for more guns, when a 4-year-old in Michigan just shot himself in the side with a gun he found in the family car

  • C.R.

    There are no transgenders–they are Sodomites–pretending to be something they are not.

    • Azlefty

      SO they afre “ConservativE” Family Value folks then like Josh Duggar

      • C.R.

        Your statement–is a non sequitur. Stay on topic.

    • TJ Andersen

      Do transgenders have mammary envy?

    • TryToBeAmused

      Do you think it’s just a fungus?

      • C.R.

        Your statement is a non sequitur.

        • TryToBeAmused

          Referring directly to the actual article, but I guess you’re just here to bag on trans people.

  • flyr

    Y’all infatuated with Hillary and Michelle – two bitch witches

    You are just afraid of real women – the only time I have seen a genuine smile from hillary was when she was leering down the cleavage of the host at some Hollywood function.

  • HammerNoYammer

    If she was posing for and supporting baby murder, you would eating the corn out of her shit and you know it. LOL

    Such an angry little boy you are.

    • Azlefty

      Baby murder is illegal unless you are a “Conservative” and they are Brown babies you can bomb

  • JohnDBaptist

    In the first photo, she’s looking at the camera. At whom, or what, is she pointing her weapon? Is it loaded? Is she loaded? Questions, questions, I have questions!

  • TJ Andersen

    Do all transgenders have mammary envy?

  • psycho1979

    Listening to Michele Fiore makes me proud to be an American! Listening to Bernie or Hillary might make me proud if I was a Communist.

    • tiredofdogma

      I too, am proud to be an American.

      Proud that even really stupid people can participate in the governance of our great nation, and that their followers can voice their opinions on Wonkette using an internet machine.

  • BG Davis

    How about arming all black citizens so they can defend themselves and their homes and loved ones? At a minimum, deputize the Black Panthers.

  • tiredofdogma

    They really buttered up her flabby arms in all those photos.

  • Calandra

    The federal government job pays more, that’s why she’s running.

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