Oh look, it is the Wonkette baby and her daddy. And she is in Las Vegas to see you RIGHT NOW! Click for details.
Oh look, it is the Wonkette baby and her daddy. And she is in Las Vegas to see you RIGHT NOW! Click for details.

Well hello there, Wonkers. It’s Sunday afternoon, and we have been sleeping this whole weekend because we spent ALL THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, SO MANY HOURS OMG, chronicling the shitshow that was the Benghazi hearings. Did Hillary come out on top? Ayup. Is watching people like Megyn Kelly lose their everloving shit about it, trying to make up new reasons to be mad, fucking hilarious? Ayup again! And surprise, most of yr Top Ten posts of the week ARE about that. BENGHAZI!!!!!11!!!111!

First, though, we will do housekeeping. The Wonkette Primary is still going on, which involves buying the t-shirt of the Democratic candidate of your choice! If you love Hillary (and really, everybody does right now, at least for a minute), then buy the sexxxy Hitlery t-shirt you see below! If you feel the same sexxxy sensations, but for Bernie Sanders instead, then buy HIS t-shirt! Wasn’t that easy? Look below, it is the Hillary shirt!

Don't you want to buy this right now? YES, YOU DO!
Don’t you want to buy this right now? YES, YOU DO!

Editrix Rebecca assures everyone that we STILL HAVE HILLARY SHIRTS LEFT, even though we’ve sold about eight million since Thursday night (thanks, Trey Gowdy!). Look, here she is in Las Vegas (site of today’s WONKETTE MEETUP!) putting t-shirts in packages to send out to you, the Wonkers. She is wearing a robe and standing next to the Wonkebago, and she told us to post this picture:


Okay, one more thing before stories. GIVE US MONEY NOW. We do the internet writing for you each and every week, especially when it is BENGHAZI!!!!!1111! So please to give us $5, so we can stay up until stupid-thirty writing yr Benghazi stories, and also all the other wondrous things we write. It will be very appreciated, and we promise to spend your moneys very, very wisely.

Wonkette baby reading the print version of Wonkette
Wonkette baby mysteriously being adorable right after the donations paragraph, she ALWAYS does that. Oh look, it’s another donations link too, weird!

Oh, that felt so nice, the way you just threw your moneys at us! Do it harder!

Okay, here are the top ten stories of the week, chosen as usual by science. Share them with all your internet pals!

1. So, in the Benghazi hearings? There was this Alabama rep named Martha Roby? And she was there representing her sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma, and she just is pretty sure? The smoking gun that shows Hillary did Benghazi and also didn’t know about Benghazi is on Tab 31? Tab 31! Why is everybody laughing?

2. Before Roby got to her questioning, long before, it was clear Hillary had already won the day and the Republicans on the committee had made a huge mistake.

3. This is KIND OF a Benghazi story, because Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are off at Diddle Camp for Christian Marrieds, doing Sex Benghazi to each other’s bathing suit areas.

4. What did the Benghazi hearing teach us? Republicans are dicks, and Hillary is already president, basically.

5. Dana Perino is SO SAD George W. Bush has been accused of being president on 9/11. As if! anyway, Dubya is Dana’s pretend boyfriend, and you are mean.

6. Back to the Benghazi hearings: Georgia yokel Rep. Lynn Westmoreland was just real worried Hillary might not be able to understand the slow ramblings of an uneducated Southern hick such as himself, stuck as he is with a throat full of Georgia peaches and squirrel dicks.

7. Dumb racists deploy wrong ethnic stereotype against mayoral candidate, because racists are quite stupid, 100% of the time.

8. That same Alabama GOP Benghazi congresslady? Just wants to know? If Hillary was home alone THE WHOLE NIGHT during Benghazi? Why are you laughing? It’s not funny.

9. Last week’s Sundays With The Christianists: Let’s read some terrible pro-abstinence comics together!

10. And finally, watch Rachel Maddow torture Benghazi confession out of Hillary Clinton. Sometimes you gotta send a lesbian in to do Trey Gowdy’s work, after all.

So there you go, Wonkers. Those are your winning stories. They are the best stories ever written, at least this week!

Remember, we are also at your service on the Facebooks, the Twitters, and the Tumblrs! And the Flipboard! And the Instagram! Wonkette is all the places, and all the places are Wonkette.

Oh and because why not, follow your individual Wonkettes on the Twitter, because that is a nice thing to do. We are at @KailiJoy, @DoktorZoom, @EvanHurst,  @shypixel, and @commiegirl1, which is your lovely Editrix.

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Then, you should sign up for the Wonkette newsletter, so that you can get a secret gay love note from your Wonkette every day! (Mostly.)

OH, and did you know you can buy more sexy Wonkette apparel in the Wonkette online swag emporium? Yes you can! You know about the Hillary and Bernie t-shirts, but there are also Bernie Sanders coffee cups, and also things with Elizabeth Warren and Joe Biden on them, and also panties with teeth. For bigger-bodied Wonkers, we now have 4XL sizes on the Bernie t-shirt!

Again, your Wonkette loves you very much! If you missed your opportunity above, don’t even worry about doing hard stuff like scrolling up. You can just click THIS link and give us $5. Or you can give us more, we are not opposed to that!

Okay, we’re going to brunch now, or maybe to nap again, who can tell ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.



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  • Tallmutha

    Yeah everybody is all doing the Snoopy dance about Hillary now, but all I can say is if it turns out that she did in fact know that it was not a video that incited the violence in Benghazi, I will feel personally betrayed and soiled.

    • Spotts1701

      The only things soiled are the trousers of Republicans who decided to take on the Hillary Express with a Nerf bat.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    So the Ben Carson Sunday Shit Storm is waiting for us Monday morning?

    • Zippy


      • nightmoth

        equals abortion.
        I saw that headline. I can wait till tomorrow to read the rest. IF I read it.

        • Zippy

          More weapon’s grade derp from the delusional fundie- nothing new…

          • Anarchy Pony

            He wants to be the second Alzheimer’s president.

    • whatwhomever

      I’m sure Ben Carson would shit on you today, if you asked nicely.

  • Spotts1701

    Couple OT links:

    Chris Christie gets booted out of “Quiet Car” for being loudmouth bully.

    And on a more somber note, fuck cancer

    • CripesAmighty


      Gov. Christie: ‘Seriously? SHUT UP!’

      Amtrak Conductor: ‘Yer OOOOOOOUTA HEEEERE!’

      And as Gov. Christie is escorted from the Quiet Car to the Screaming Toddler Car,

  • Joshua Norton

    Hard to believe the Benghazi hearings lasted 11 freaking hours. All it did was pretty much hand Hillz the election 11 months early.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      She beat the crap out of them just by being competent. For 11 hours. Josh Marshall:

    • Billy Croissant

      “…you don’t understand. I’m not in this room with you, YOU’RE IN THIS ROOM WITH ME!!!!!”

      …someone MUST have said this before, yeah? I don’t remember seeing it, but c’mon, three thousand non-comments and nobody else indulges in my taste for tired old road apples? Wait, that’s not right….trite old chestnuts, that’s what I meant. Yes, that’s what I meant.

  • marxalot

    Coachmen Freelander moar like Freeloader amirite

    • Anarchy Pony

      They should get a sailboat, or a zeppelin, you know, something practical. The paultards had a blimp, I say the wonketariat should have a zeppelin.

  • JustPixelz

    Speaking of Rush Limbaugh and his fellow Republicants…

    Howler Monkeys With Loudest, Deepest Growls Have the Smallest Testes, New Study Finds

    Read more:

    • w9anthimos

      Say, you wouldn’t be casting aspersions upon the character of a congressional committee now, would you?

    • A Grumpy Cat

      Look, those howler monkeys didn’t do anything to you and don’t deserve that comparison.

  • chicken thief

    Wait, Trey Gowdy isn’t a really shiny lez-bean?!!

    • marxalot

      Stop trying to give us you worst dressed, weirdest styled, and least desirable, dammit. We just got everyone to stop cutting the sleeves off their t-shirts.

  • chicken thief

    Hillary should start claiming she kept all of our ambassadors safe after 9/11/12.

  • JustPixelz

    Another Republican debate this week. Also people looking scary for trick or treat. Anyone know how I can tell the two events apart?

    • chicken thief

      The trick or treaters will take the candy you offer them, the other clowns will take your healthcare, social security, medicare, and all other entitlements.

      • SterWonk

        Proposal – can we stop referring to them as “entitlements”? “Entitled” has such bad connotations. I much prefer the term “earned benefits” – we pay into health insurance, Social Security, Medicare, etc, so we’ve earned the results. That’s much harder for the wingnuts to argue against.

        • Anarchy Pony

          How about we call them “civilized things that all the other first world countries have”. I will admit, it’s a little wordy…

    • Callyson

      The trick or treaters will be the mature, composed, intelligent ones.

    • Me not sure

      One is bags of candy, the other is bags of shit.

    • Zippy

      One is children begging for stuff and the other is a holiday

    • MsAnthropesMr

      The trick or treaters will say thank you after they take the candy.

    • whatwhomever

      One is people engaged in frightening fantasies, the other is kids looking for candy.

    • Notreelyhelping

      The kids won’t run screaming if you answer the door in a JFK mask.

  • Callyson

    I’ll get to the post in a minute, but that photo…

  • Callyson

    we STILL HAVE HILLARY SHIRTS LEFT, even though we’ve sold about eight million since Thursday night (thanks, Trey Gowdy!)

    I’ve been holding out hope that you’ll get them in women’s sizes (fuck it, I’ll even pay a premium for that) so that the shirt looks good on me, rather than making me look like I have no waistline at all. One way or another, however, I’ve gotta have it!

  • geoffalnutt

    The wonderful thing is that there will be a Benghazi hearing every three days…for the foreseeable eternity. One way or another we’ll finally catch the Hillary Monster in her non-human form…and we can unleash all the armies of all the universes (alternate and otherwise) towards her final annihilation. It will make the Big Bang seem like an

  • A Grumpy Cat

    How pathetic is it that I looked at the Packing by the Wonkbago picture and said, “OMG, ONE OF THOSE SHIRTS COULD BE MINE!1!1!11”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      And touched by The Editrix, no less! Getting her pixie dust all over that tee. Let us know if you develop an ability to fly after you try it on.

      • A Grumpy Cat


  • cousin itt

    Rep. Trey Gowdy is ready to talk about his main takeaway from Secretary Hillary Clinton’s marathon testimony before the Benghazi Select Committee. Directly following Thursday’s hearing, Gowdy, the committee chairman, needed more time when asked what new information he learned from her. “I’d have to go back and look at the transcript,” the South Carolina Republican said. Appearing on NBC’s “Meet The Press” Sunday, Gowdy was armed with an answer.


    “When she’s asked whether she takes responsibility, she says, ‘Yes.’ But when you ask, ‘Responsibility for what?’ I can’t tell you what she’s taking responsibility for.”

    Howdy Gowdy also noted that the Hillarysaurus is thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle and thin again at the far end.

    • Zippy

      that’s their newest desperate talking point to sooth the roiling base- “SHE TOOK RESPONSIBILITY! INPEECH!”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You don’t even have to change that much from the prior ARTICKULES OF INPEACHMUNT to recycle them, thereby protecting the environment.

        Resolved, That William Jefferson Clinton Hillary Rodham Clinton, Pretty Much a Lock for President of the United States thanks to Trey Gowdy, is impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors and that the following articles of impeachment be exhibited to the United States.

        • Doug Langley

          Because it was so effective against her husband, amirite?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Perhaps it would help if Gowdy could succinctly say “what” the scandal is.

      • sw19womble

        Silly rabbit, he needs to find it first, then identify what it is!

      • Zippy

        The scandal is that she’s a Dem, she’s a woman in power and mostly, she’s a Clinton. The rest is just superfluous details…

        • Left Coast Tom

          Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it? Gowdy could simply say what you stated and be done with it, except he knows everyone would look at him and, more importantly, his party, as though they had just farted in a crowded room.

          • Zippy

            they kinda are, anyways

    • Callyson

      “When she’s asked whether she takes responsibility, she says, ‘Yes.’ But when you ask, ‘Responsibility for what?’ I can’t tell you what she’s taking responsibility for.”

      Gowdy, for fuck’s sake, you can’t even tell us what you are trying to hold her responsible for!

      You started with expressing concern that the State Department didn’t provide enough security in Benghazi, then went on to criticizing her for supporting American intervention in Libya, and then topped that off with accusing her of neglecting the problems in Libya so she could somehow preserve it as an accomplishment.

      Oh, fuck, why even bother?

      • Billy Croissant

        This man certainly doesn’t know how to Republican very well. Why the fuck isn’t he holding up a piece of paper and screeching “SHE TOOK RESPONSIBILITY! I HAVE THE PROOF RIGHT HERE!”

        He does know lying is part of his job, doesn’t he?

    • CripesAmighty
  • lucidamente

    Could we have a caption contest for Trix folding shirts pic?

  • cousin itt

    Oh, snap.

    “As a teenager, I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers. And, of course, many people know the story when I was 14 and I tried to stab someone,”

    But the miscreant turned his life around. He found healing in the Book of Proverbs, well-known mental health treatment.

    “…Carson said Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      So, he’s had a long bout with personality disorder issues, then?

      • Msgr_Moment

        Bless his heart.

    • Left Coast Tom

      So this is the GOP’s new Iowa front-runner, then?

    • w9anthimos

      I think he wants to be president just so he can get his hands on the football.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Well, he is a lunatic.

    • nightmoth

      I was amazed when I read that! Why hasn’t a Republican at least called him a “former thug?” That GOP Born Again blanket is wearing thin but it still makes a mighty big tent.

      • Zippy

        I wonder if he was part of the choom gang?

      • Anarchy Pony

        He says the things they want to hear.
        “Women who do abortions are slaveowners!”
        “Jebus Jebus Jebus!”
        Oh, and of course
        “Guns, more guns! More guns for everyone!”

    • Billy Croissant

      Pandering to the gansta demographic, now, Ben? Lots of colors in Iowa, yeah?

    • Thaumaturgist

      Who else is extremely cautious over showing anger?

      • Rick Hill

        Lindsey Graham?

    • bookish

      And then he became a surgeon.

    • “…now i just do it metaphorically.”

  • Msgr_Moment

    Caption: “Wonkdaddy, why you no haz milkspigots?”

  • AntiDerpomeme

    I know it’s no big surprise, with the genetics and all, but it’s too cute that Wonkette Babby and Wonkette Daddy have the same hair. Looks like they swap styling tips too.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Dana Perino is a disgrace to blondes everywhere, because she goes to 11 in the bimbo department. Just when Hillary herself was doing so much to rehab blondes…

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Having Sunday dinners at my family’s house, and I showed my mother the picture of Donna Rose with Evan. She said “oh, how CUTE!” I think she was talking about Donna Rose. This proves my theory that Donna Rose is loved by all demographics (elderly Republicans, middle aged Democrats, punk commie kids, etc…)

  • Joshua Norton


    • Callyson


      (Downloaded for future use.)

    • LadyLaz

      Awesome. Doing th same plagiarism and downloading that.

  • Anarchy Pony

    When will you reach the stretch goal of getting a zeppelin?

  • Suse

    OHJB is on 60 Minutes now on the west coast.

  • Ergoetal

    “Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are off at Diddle Camp for Christian Marrieds, doing Sex Benghazi to each other’s bathing suit areas…”

    Come on, Michelle. Show us on this basketball where little Jimmy Bob touched you.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Ugggh, I just watched 3 minutes of Greg Gutfield’s show on Fox “News” where they’re trying to spin the Benghazi investigation. They’re still trying to flog the same old “the liberal media just doesn’t care about the truth.” Sure, the media HATES finding a smoking gun that will prove that a high level government employee abused her power. Oh, and also too, the Clintion’s are such good lying liars that they just never get caught, even after 3000 investigations.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Well, Bill kinda managed to catch himself…

  • LarkintheAM

    What a cute photo of Daddy and Donna Rose – simply adorababby!

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  • actor212

    Sidney Blumenthal….I think he did my taxes.

  • Paperless Tiger

    CBS/AP September 12, 2012, 11:56 AM – A California-based filmmaker went into hiding after a YouTube trailer of his movie attacking Islam’s prophet Muhammad sparked angry assaults by ultra-conservative Muslims on U.S. missions in Egypt and Libya. The U.S. ambassador to Libya and three American members of his staff were killed.

    Uh-oh. Better get another House committee to investigate CBS/AP.

  • Sterculius

    “Hitlery, er, I mean Mizzzzzzzzzzzzz Clinton, have you stopped laughing about those who died in Benghazziiiiii because of you? YES OR NO!!!”

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