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So this smegma-guzzling ferret, Rep. Jason Chaffetz of Utah, we were talking about him just the other day, remember? Because HAHAHAHA he thinks maybe he will be the next Drinker of the House. (Spoiler: He will not.)

We ran through a whole long list of reasons why that guy sucks, and bragging he’s so much more sexxxier for the cameras than drop-out loser Kevin McCarthy is only one of the many reasons we laughed so hard at that pee hole. Does Chaffetz even have a SEX SCANDAL, like McCarthy? Well, maybe! We did, after all, just-askin’-questions wonder how Chaffetz managed to make McCarthy’s alleged adulterous fuck pal, Rep. Renee Ellmers, feel like she was high enough on his “priority list” (we’re assuming that’s GOP sex code for DICK) to earn her vote for Speaker Chaffetz.

Also, like we told you, Chaffetz, as chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, was in charge of the ridiculous hearing on whether Planned Parenthood is using taxpayer dollars to kidnap toddlers from their mama’s womb parts and carve them up like Thanksgiving turkey, to auction on eBay, so they can buy fancy sports cars and diamond-encrusted knives, for all that baby butchering.

Now, you know that’s not true. And we know that’s not true. And Planned Parenthood’s president, Cecile Richards, explained a billionty times that seriously, asshole, IT’S NOT TRUE. And all the state investigations have said the same thing. But guess what!

“Did I look at the finances and have a hearing specifically as to the revenue portion and how they spend? Yes. Was there any wrongdoing? I didn’t find any,” he said during a Judiciary Committee hearing on the family planning provider.

Oh reallllllllllllly? Go on:

But after all that, he concluded that Planned Parenthood isn’t doing anything sketchy with its money. “Did we find any wrongdoing? The answer was no,” Chaffetz said.

So, since that turned out to be a huge waste of everyone’s time, as you and we and everyone else knew it would be, Chaffetz will now apologize for being so goddamned wrong and making completely baseless accusations, and as speaker of the House (wait, hang on, HAHAHAHA again), he would crack down on bogus investigations and make his fellow Republicans focus on America’s real problems, and whew, what a relief that Planned Parenthood isn’t doing anything wrong after all!

Or, instead of that:

Chaffetz said Thursday that he still supports digging into Planned Parenthood’s activities, even if they’re using their money appropriately.

“I think there will continue to be investigations,” he said.

Oh, well. Good to know that Chaffetz wouldn’t let anything as minor as finding fuck-all NOTHING get in the way of pursuing a bogus investigation into the evil (and yet somehow still legal, huh) practice of doing healthcare to ladies.

Yeah, that’s definitely what Congress needs more of right now. Chaffetz for speaker, most def.

[HuffPo]

 

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  • DerrickWildcat

    He doesn’t even look American.

    • FauxAntocles

      I know, right? Brown eyes?!? What’s up with that?!?

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Please don’t refer to this person as a “smegma-guzzling ferret.” That’s demeaning to ferrets, regardless of their guzzling proclivities.

    • tinywriting

      Smegma libelzzz!!!11!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How does one guzzle smegma? Jizz I can see one guzzling, but smegma? Might as well try to guzzle brie.

  • arglebargle

    asshole

  • Callyson
    • FauxAntocles

      AKA “Head Jackass”

    • blaid droog

      I used to be an avid reader of kos. Kinda lost the call. Not funny enuff.

  • DahBoner

    Republicans: The Party Protecting You From Invisible Nonexistent Things That Present No Problem To You Or Anyone Else…

    http://media.giphy.com/media/HPNrSlhxXAVwI/giphy.gif

    • SnarkOff

      …but That Still Refuses to Believe Gun Control is Necessary and Global Warming is Real.

  • JustPixelz

    We’ve always been at war with women.

    • NanBullenshede

      The blindfold falleth from mine eyes.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Zeriously – I mean, please read the memos.

  • goonemeritus

    Reminds me of an old girl friend who felt the absence of evidence
    that I was cheating proved conclusively that I was an accomplished and prolific
    cheater.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …did she ever work for the CIA under the G.W.B administration? It would explain a lot when it comes to Iraq

      • goonemeritus

        I always felt she had a promising career in interrogation.

        • Suttree

          Slight non sequitur, but is there anyway I can get Valerie Plame to interrogate me?

          • goonemeritus

            She may be available to the private sector now.

          • Suttree

            Alas, I am poor. Also too, I have too much respect for the woman.

          • kindness

            Lindsey Graham is a cheap whoor. You may be right up his alley if you know what I mean.

    • SnarkTank

      ZOMG, you dated her too!?!?!

    • Thaumaturgist

      Technical term is “projection.”

  • FauxAntocles

    Congress will be taking over for the FBI.

  • Callyson

    “I think there will continue to be investigations,” he said.

    He added “Because why should the Benghazi people get to have all the fun?”

  • JustPixelz

    How can he say there was no wrongdoing?! I saw the “X” graph with my own eyes.

  • Spotts1701

    Circular reasoning is the only reasoning they got, okay?

    • Suttree

      You misspelled jerking twice.

  • whatwhomever

    He gave up way to soon. Shouldn’t there be at least 6 more investigations and a select committee that goes on for years that still finds nothing?

    • Swampay

      “I think there will continue to be investigations,” he said.

      He’s not giving up.

      • kindness

        We have always been at war with Plannedparentia.

  • whatwhomever

    Why does this guy’s head look like a blob of silly putty with some pubes stuck on it?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Rand has a brother?!

  • JustPixelz

    If JC is looking for wasted taxpayer money, he should investigate the House Select Committee on Events Surrounding the 2012 Terrorist Attack in Benghazi.

    • FauxAntocles

      And the committee investigating the committee must be investigated!!11!!

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    This Chaffetz guy really rubs me the wrong way.

    • cousin itt

      Just apply Santorum conservatively and that skin problem will clear up.

      • nmmagyar

        I thought you were supposed to keep fecal matter out of open sores

        • Villago Delenda Est

          You are. Which is why you apply it to asswipes like Chaffetz.

          • nmmagyar

            Good point!

      • SterWonk

        Eww eww eww!!! :-(

    • JoeChristmas

      U tahk funny.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He doesn’t seem to to know when to hold them and know when to fold them.

  • Jack_Carter_USA

    Finding nothing doesn’t mean squat to him. He’ll just say there was a coverup and investigate again and again until he gets answers he likes.

    • MrBlobfish

      Exactly. What are they hiding?

    • Swampay

      There’s gotta be a blow job in the oval office around here somewhere.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …does he have Downs Syndrome? Not even snarking on that question.

    • nmmagyar

      Maybe Graves?

    • Angry_Cop

      FAS

      • Villago Delenda Est

        AKA “Brood of Babs Syndrome”.

    • Swampay

      Well he’s definitely an ass burger.

      (that’s probably not politically correct. Apologies to all concerned, yes, I am sometimes a dick)

  • SnarkOff

    FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, GOP, LET IT GO.

    • Cindyinencinitas

      If they did, how would they look busy?

  • Oblios_Cap

    He looks kinda like a Bizzaro Tim Crury, without any of the talent.

  • beavertank

    Just replace “investigation” with “government funded campaign event” every time a congressional Republican talks and you’ll get a much clearer picture of what’s actually going on.

    • OneYieldRegular

      They want to cut the federal budget for everything except propping up themselves.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    I noticed his tie is really tight, must be like that to keep his foreskin from creeping up.

    • Suse

      Requesting reimbursement for a new keyboard/monitor from the Wonkette slush fund.

  • Incoming Ham

    Open wide…

  • Incoming Ham

    Open wide sir

  • Randy Riddle

    Will they have anything left to investigate in 2016?

    • JoeChristmas

      IRS? Child labor laws? Clean Air and Water Act? SNAP? ACORN? etc., blah, blah, blah….

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Right?! Seems like the wingers are blowing their collective loads pretty early.

      And now I’ve completely grossed myself out for the rest of the day.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        What’s bad is that they leave their partners unsatisfied and cranky.

        • TxSpinyLizrd

          Thanks for reminding us that they breed.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Why? Will that stop them?…

    • Thaumaturgist

      Anyone can squeeze lemonade out of a lemon. Takes a real pro to squeeze blood out of a turnip.

      • Randy Riddle

        The Republicans are squeezing turnips out of lemons.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          Grossest detail out of the Ellmers/McCarthy sexx scandal so far.

    • FauxAntocles

      Sounds like they should probably investigate YOU, Mr. Agitator!

  • Blackest Noobs

    who in the fuck keeps electing these assholes to office?

    “what do you mean we didn’t find any dirt on planned parenthood, good god man, they’re killing babies, BABIES, i tell you man, just keep wasting tax dollars investigating this non-issue cuz it’s important for assholery christians ( good christians could not give a fuck) and bigots, and white dude assholes.”
    -says your unfriendly neighborhood Tea-Farter

  • x111e7thst

    Too boring for a sex scandal or too smarmy. Hard to decide

    • nmmagyar

      Why decide?

  • Beowoof14

    Wasting time and money something republicans are expert at. Good Show Jason. And did he get Renee’s vote, by promising two things, not disclose her affair, and not trying to fuck her.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    You know, it’s kinda weird, but I’m starting to think the average GOP rep is below, like, average.

    • Rick Hill

      The above average republican is also below average so it averages out.

      • Vecciojohn

        It’s the inverse of the Lake Woebegone effect.

        • Tansy Geek

          All the men are below average, the women weak and the children freaky looking?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And below median, and below mean, and below whale shit.

      • nmmagyar

        Whale shit is valuable

        • Suttree

          The repuke also too.

        • AnOuthouse

          Bat shit LIBEL!!

          • Suttree

            Maybe that is Callista’s scent.

      • Amy!

        and beneath contempt.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Know how you can tell? Ask them how many guns they own.

    • Takoma DC
    • OddMan

      I would say they are a good six sigma out. (6 standard deviations)

      We call them out-liars.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Come on, surely we can edit the video to make it look like he said he found something, right?

  • Toomush_Infer

    The investigation into Jason (if that is his real name) Chaffetz is far from over…

    • Takoma DC

      What’s known so far?

      • nmmagyar

        He looks like a dildo with ears

        • Takoma DC

          Undisputedly true.

      • DahBoner

        He’s got back problems because he’s a cheapskate?

        “In 2009, that he would be sleeping on a cot in his office”

        • Suttree

          Well, he was saving up for a new vehicle.

        • Takoma DC

          About as exciting as he looks.

  • SterWonk

    “… most def”

    Yasiin Bey LIBEL!

  • freakishlystrong

    PP did nothing wrong, yeah, we all knew that, but we’re still going to defund them and run them out of town because we feel like it and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.

  • Brewerofbeers

    He looks exactly like how I would expect a pedophile to look. Just saying.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I dunno about that, but he looks to me as at best “dull normal” on the IQ scale.

      • Brewerofbeers

        Little column a. Little column b.

      • PubOption

        Football player stereotype libel!

      • OneYieldRegular

        There’s a certain “Kilmeade” quality there.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, you see, Cecile Richards is paid to work for PP, therefore she’s a mercenary and is tainted by munnies and cannot be trustworthy.

    Unlike the CEOs of say Exxon/Mobil, or Citibank, or Koch Industries, who are as pure as the driven snow even though they’re paid much more!

    • SterWonk

      Oh, so you’ve read Atlas Shrugged?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Paul Ryan’s bible.

        • DahBoner

          The one he wears around his neck?

          Wait. That’s Za….

    • Takoma DC

      And their vile pollution responsible for more abortions and premature deaths than all of Planned Parenthood’s abortionizing to date.

  • MrBlobfish

    At least he didn’t mention Hitler.

    • JoeChristmas

      Yet.

    • Takoma DC

      He’s a home-skooled babby. He don’t knows about Hitler and Nazzies.

    • cousin itt

      Jehovah!

      • Suttree

        Needz moar rock throwing.

  • JoeChristmas

    Berating the PP Chief and presenting nonsensical, deceitful graphs only makes this ass clown more of a teabagger darling.

  • WiscoJoe

    Anyone know where Planned Parenthood was on the night of 9/11/12? Hrmph…. Suspicious, isn’t it?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Are you saying there’s a connection between PP, Benghazi, Vince Foster, and the Hillz? :o

      • WiscoJoe

        It was Planned Parenthood, in the Benghazi, with the blue Gap dress.

  • Vecciojohn

    Try looking up your own ass, Jason. That’s where you fuckers find most of your “facts.”

  • MrBlobfish

    As an amateur phrenologist, I’d love to get my paws on that lumpin skull of his.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Didn’t he see the chart with the arrows going up and down? I don’t know what further proof he needs.

  • Swampay

    “I think there will continue to be investigations,” he said.

    Because of course.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll have it all wrapped up just after November 2016.

      • Swampay

        Doubt it. You haven’t heard anything yet like the banshee shrieks that will accompany Hillary’s election to president. They’ll even be investigating each other on the off chance that they can find something to smear her with. (apologies for the image in your head that may accompany that last statement)

        • cleos_mom

          And some of the banshee shrieks will probably come from the Right.

  • Takoma DC

    Sayshitz isn’t orange. How’s he ‘spect to be Drinker of the House?

  • TheBidenator

    Yeesh you’d think anyone as babby prodigious as Mormons would take a live and let live attitude with PP since they go out of their way to brainwash young Mormon girls from going to PP. Just wait for the Kermit Gosnell horror stories to have his name scribbled out and PP’s scribbled in, that’s next….

  • freakishlystrong

    OT/Evidently, Paul Motherfucking Ryan is insufficiently Conservative.

    http://www.salon.com/2015/10/09/the_wingnuts_are_after_paul_ryans_scalp_the_mans_a_menace/

    • Ryan Denniston

      Ayup! He is after all a loser because of 2012.

    • nmmagyar

      Wow, that surprised exactly zero people that they have started eating their own.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If “Lord of the Flies” did not already exist, this entire affair would be the basis for it.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Kill the pig, elect his throat, kill the pig, elect his throat.

    • Hardly Ideal

      In Warhammer 40K’s dreaded church militant, everyone joins with the understanding that devoted acolytes will work up the ranks until they are inevitably branded as heretics and hunted down by the new acolytes. It’s just the conclusion of life in such a hysterically paranoid body.

      I wonder if Tea Party politicians enter their job with a similar outlook.

    • chicken thief

      Well, on the plus side, none of them called Ryan a pigfucker.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Teabagger Peter Lorre?

    • blaid droog

      You know I just had to say this. Peter Lorre libel.

  • HZ81

    Ruh-roh. Who is going to knock on Carly’s door at the W to tell her? I hear she’s been holed up watching more videos and is going to release a plan to combat the dancing undead having finally just seen MJ’s Thriller.

  • TheBidenator

    Louie Gohmert is angry that these frivolous, stupid Fox news friendly posturing ‘investigations’ are sucking the air away from his VERY important investigation into WHO KEEPS STEALING HIS SOCKS! Also, he’s onto the underpants Gnomes and will see them dragged into daylight!

    • MrBlobfish

      Did you know Louie’s middle name is Buller?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s the dryer. It always is. Dryers eat socks like popcorn.

      Of course, one has to have at least three neurons firing to be aware of this, so Louie is SOL.

      • Suttree

        Apparently you have never met the 20 different cats that I have had.

      • Flodur

        I believe that dryers turn socks into unmatched tupperware lids!

  • GDleftyPart2

    Luckily they didn’t run with those non existent scissors and have protests and even a congressional hearing on it…..oh wait…

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      And never put the folks who made the videos or those funding them under oath so e can ask about their ties to terrorist and past terrorist acts and general disregard for all laws of civil society.

      Why don’t we have hearings to scrutinize American citizens over claims Ayman Zawahiri makes too?

  • Bahhhdman

    He is one weird-looking dude.

    • exinkwretch

      He looks like Tim Roth after a six-week coke bender.

      • Calum Grant

        Or Tim Curry with FAS

    • Hardly Ideal

      He sure has a punchable face.

  • AnOuthouse

    I thought Chaffetz was goat cheese.

  • hillarysleftone

    Speaking of Renee Ellmers, here is a link to a map from her website of her by no means, no way gerrymandered district: https://ellmers.house.gov/district-map/

    They fixed the old NC-2d (Once “the Black Second”) from being the kind of white-majority district which went for Obama in 2008 by 52-48, to a bigger white majority district that, had it been so comprised in 2008, would have gone to McCain by 57-43. (all info from Wikipedia).

    She herself was swept in, in the disastrous 2010 post-Obamacare midterm (before the gerrymandering which was based on the 2010 census and the unfortunate circumstance of the legislature changing hands in NC just in time for redistricting) by .8% of the vote… (Ibid.) But won in 2014 fairly easily, her biggest problem going forward looking to be primary opposition, where she’s been blessed to date by the low quality and skill of her opponents.

    Sorry to get all wonky and unfunny. Go back to Daily Kos, I know. But this is the story of so many congressional districts in so many states, that i haz a un-funny sad.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    “I have a dream. Well, it’s more like a delusion, and I know it’s not true and fictional dystopian nonsense, but I am sticking with it”– Republican Congressmen (most of them).

  • Chris Meeks

    Take THAT Tim Curry’s bastard child.

    • Gil

      More like Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice

      • Gil

        My mother just saw this and made me call up Keaton to apologize.

    • Cleo_Cat

      Colbert called him a “seductive beaver mascot.”

  • Brother Yam

    He looks like someone shaved their hair and tattooed a face on the back of their head.

    • Sam Hain

      “Shave at dog’an teechit ta hunt.” Early

    • NotMamaCass

      My god, that is genius.

  • OneDemin EOr

    And to think that yesterday, we all thought McCarthy quit because of his mouth. Talking.
    Now we discover he WAS ousted for using his mouth.
    I just love Republican sex scandals!

  • lesterthegiantape

    Maybe in his spare time he can rename a post office.

  • Mehmeisterjr
    • Hardly Ideal

      Hey, at least he had the good humor to actually leg-wrestle Colbert. I’ll give him that much.

      …my therapist (read: wife) says I should really try and find something positive in everyone I meet.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        My therapist told me once that “Sometimes, Jen, you just have to accept that some people are flat out assholes”

        • Hardly Ideal

          That goes without saying, but I was told I don’t have to say very good things; faint praise is okay.

          Watch me go! John Boehner? He probably knows some good cocktails. Jason Chaffetz? He’s better at speaking in public than I am. Ben Carson? He’s good with his hands.

          • sillyclucker

            What about Trump? Haha! Stumped you, didn’t I ?

          • Hardly Ideal

            He’s… fearless and confident. As a pillar of anxiety and doubt in the shape of a guy, I can kind of admire that.

  • Sam Hain

    Fiscal Fucking Conmen is what they are.

  • Me not sure

    His committee needs to investigate why the US Secret Service turned this nice young man down when he applied for a job. I’m positive that we all need to know.

    • lroom

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • Me not sure

        …wildly.

  • Did Rep Chapstick get a foreskin restoration when he signed up for LDS?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Well he got a shiksa wife. And he did work for an outfit called Nu-Skin, Really true on the last one.

  • Do the Prophets pitch in on the cost and/or the skin-grafts?

  • marxalot

    This fuckwit looks like a dyspeptic Clue-era Tim Curry with minor brain damage and a jehri curl.
    Just because they’re not doing anything wrong is no reason to stop investigating! -GOP slogan, 2016.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      I was gonna say how upset I was that in this photo he bears a slight resemblance to Benicio del Toro circa The Usual Suspects, which is all kinds of messed up, because Benny the Bull is the total shazbat. And this numpty is so, so not.

    • D_C_Wilson

      As McCarthy noted, investigations aren’t about trying to find any wrong doing.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        It has worked, too, because so many dumbasses believe that if the GOP is investigating Hillary Clinton, then she’s obviously not trustworthy.

        • jmk

          I still cannot understand how people call Hillary a “liar” or “untrustworthy” if the end result of the eleventy million investigations into her conduct and actions in every fucking area of her life have turned up nothing.

          Seems to me that, at some point, rational people would come to understand that the actual liars are those who keep doing the accusing and the investigating.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I will use my mother as Exhibit A. Right before Kevin McCarthy said “look how we’re damaging Hillary with all these witch hunts” my mom said to me “that one always thinks there is some kind of conspiracy against her.” She didn’t have much to say after McCarthy admitted they were just doing it to discredit her. Exhibit B: wingtard neighbor thinks “the truth hasn’t come out yet.” They have no explanation about why Hillary would like to see 4 Americans killed. My wingtard neighbor thinks it has “something to do with the election.”

          • jmk

            My wingnut mother is similar – she has a million conspiracy theories about anyone who leans even slightly left…yet not one of those theories has an answer for WHY – other than “to take over” – someone would do the crap she accuses them of doing.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            I asked a wingnut last month why he thought 99% of climate scientists would lie about climate change. His answer was “so they can get more money from the government.” Yes, that answer makes so much more sense than assuming that there might be an industry (hint: oil companies) who contribute a great deal of money to one political party (hint: GOP) to keep the rubes convinced that climate change is a hoax perpetuated by pointy headed scientists. I really thought the GOP was on its last legs after they cratered the world economy in 2008, but oh how I was wrong. They just keep finding stupider people.

          • akita96th

            Hey the GOP party spent millions trying to prosecute old Bill back in the presidential days when he was getting head from the broom maids in his Washington palace..They didn’t think twice about spending tons of money trying to get him but they failed and they didn’t seem to mind blowing tax payer money on that…As long as it is the GOP spending tax dollars they seem to be OK with it

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Holy spit! He does look like Curry. Sorry Tim.

  • Bitter Scribe

    OK, so why was what McCarthy said about the Benghazi committee so devastating but everyone shrugs at this?

    And what exactly is going to be investigated? The fact that PP does abortions? I can predict the results: 1) Yes, they do and 2) it’s legal.

    But by all means, investigate. It won’t take you away from all the useful things you guys are doing.

    • akita96th

      All these GOP political hacks have to do to be successful in the GOP clown court is buy into the GOP mantra of lies and rhetorical redundancy…When ever you are asked a difficult question about say JOBs..or corporations giving money for political favors or why we have so much income inequality..You know basic questions…..All the GOP hack has to do is whoop out that rhetorical redundancy handbook of wisdom zingers and lay one on em…example……Mr Chaffetz what is your position on getting jobs in this country…Well(Chaffetz)says.. I personally think we should stop funding for the family planning clinic…Well Mr Chaffetz how would you deal with the obscene amount of dark money in political elections and how would you change it…Well(Chaffetz)says I would personally put a bill before congress making abortion against the law….Well Mr Chaffetz how can we get rid of hunger in the USA..Well(Chaffetz)says We need to reduce all taxes to zero for corporations and drug test all people on SSN,Medicaid, or even all registered democrats yes thats our policy’s for getting America back to being great again like it was in the 50s when people new how to be real Americans……lol…Is this not got some ring of truth to it lol..Republicans lol you got to laugh at stupidity what else can you do……VOTE BERNIE say no to stupid republicans.

      • cleos_mom

        What if Bernie doesn’t win the nomination? Will you still vote?

        • akita96th

          Hard question…One I have asked myself ..Could I vote for Hillary if she was lessor of two evil.s…Well one thing for sure I would throw myself off a large building before I could ever vote for another republican…I would say Yes I would vote for the evil witch it is still better than the GOP morons…geeze what a bunch of assholes they are…lets hope Bernie gets the nomination just so I can watch the GOP get into a fukn frenzy …

          • cleos_mom

            I decline and veto the inclusive “let’s.”

  • Max Harris

    Does anyone have a link to the actual testimony? My acquaintance suggests that HuffPo/Salon and so on are hopelessly biased, to the point where they would invent a quote, making them as bad as Fox.

    • chiefkurtz

      Maybe not, but his denial of having said it should be widely available. While we wait for it, enjoy this loop of crickets chirping.

    • Iam Reading

      No one is as bad as fox, except zombie breitbart and drunk beck

    • mailman27

      “Some say!”

    • HeywoodJablomey

      The Huffington Post and Salon may lean a little left, but they most certainly are not like Fox in any way. Here’s the entire 10 hours of the shitshow, er… hearing. It was apalling in its bias and bullying.

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wEV0lVPOJnY

  • Iam Reading

    I want to punch him in the face….with votes.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Go for it. His district won’t.

  • Stein Olsen

    Now it will be interesting to see if that thunder cunt Carly Fiorina will keep lying about Planned Parenthood.

    • akita96th

      Thunder cunt….Yeah hey I like that ..can I use that in some of my rantings….it has a nice ring tone to it eh lol…Thumbs up.

      • Stein Olsen

        Use away man. I heard it in a movie.

    • BackDoorMan

      … I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. After all, Ms. (short for ‘miserable’) Failorina believes that HP was a success under her leadership, despite all the evidence to the contrary she’s had thrown in her face. She has her beliefs, dammit! and LA-LA-LA-LA-LA I can’t hear you!

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Chaffetz? I hardly touched it!

  • Anthony Clifton

    Ironically, pro abortion advocates are highly editing Chaffetz’ statement.

    • jmk

      Who are “pro abortion advocates,” cupcake?

      • I am! And unapologetically unashamed of it too! I also support a woman deciding to raise the fetus to term. Not that any given woman needs my “support” in any case, since it’s none of my fucking business either way.

        (And just to clarify, no ire is meant to be directed at jmk. I’m just making a general point.)

        • jmk

          And it’s a fucking excellent point to make – although I suspect that forced-birthers are far too stupid and rabid to understand the nuance.

      • Anthony Clifton

        Look in the mirror pipsqueak.

        • BackDoorMan

          …. ooooh! look at you! putting him in his place like that! you so tough! do you wear Hai Karate aftershave? and does your dad know you’ve been in his bathroom cupboard again?

        • jmk

          “Pipsqueak”? Seriously? Well 23-skidoo to you too, sugarpie.

          Here’s something you might want to consider before you try (and fail) again to sneer at other people:

          For pro-choice people, being an “advocate” means ensuring that abortion remains safe, legal, and available to ALL so that individual women can make their own private, individual choice whether to carry a pregnancy to term.

          For forced-birthers, being an “advocate” means bullying and browbeating individual women to do what they’re told by forced birthers.

          When you chose to believe that abortion is bad, you didn’t choose for everyone, Anthony, cupcake. If you don’t like abortion, then the next time you get pregnant, don’t have an abortion….but don’t for one fucking sliver of one fucking nanosecond think that you have the right to make that decision for anyone else.

    • Let’s see. Chaffetz finds that P. Parenthood isn’t misappropriating funds or doing anything wrong or illegal, but stil, wants to “investigate” them anyway.

      Yes that is SO hard to understand! Doesn’t Wonkette know that there is no situation more ambiguous that what a person actually said?!

      • Anthony Clifton

        I can see how people could incorrectly reach that understanding of events by only reading Wonkette.

        The hypocrisy is comedic.

        • BackDoorMan

          … au contraire! The comedy is hypnotic.

        • It is literally very ironic the way people misuse the word hypocrisy.

          Also note to future trolls. When proclaiming that statements are taken “out of context”, it’s customary to provide the proper “context” in which to statement can examined for clarification purposes (Perhaps by providing a contextual link for verification…like “hypocritical” Wonkette did.)

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I’m drunk blogging and that may be why I look at this asshat and see fetal alcohol syndrome.

  • HeywoodJablomey

    Of course there will continue to be investigations. It’s not like these assholes have anything else to do, like the fucking job they were elected for.

    • blaid droog

      I thought this might amuse you. Friday I had to deal with city gov. Names aren’t necessary for the purpose of my call but they always ask for your name. I used yours and spelled it out for the guy. As he read it back to me he realized what he was saying. He laughed his ass off and said I had made his day. I did tell him it was a borrowed screen name. I am not a plagiarist.

      • HeywoodJablomey

        LOL I’m glad you made his day : ) Not like I have any claim to it, it’s one of those names that schoolkids have been snickering at forever (50’s kid). Seymour Butts, Hugh Jass,
        Lou Bitgood, Mike Hawk, etc. & etc.
        Yes, I have the mentality of a 12 year old boy.

        • jmk

          It was the names on the sign-in sheet that made days in which we had a substitute teacher so exciting.

        • blaid droog

          My ten years younger partner constantly tells me to grow up and stop acting like a teen ager. I, on the other hand tell teen agers to never grow up.

      • cleos_mom

        Next time try “Heywood Yabuzov”, the official chauffeur of NPR’s Car Talk Show.

  • Relativicus

    Exciting things happening is happening on “Dancing With The Loonies”! In this corner, we have The Paul Ryan Push, a variant of “grinding” in which dance partners bump each other’s private parts through the media in order to get Paul Ryan to do a job he really doesn’t want to do. Then we have Paul Ryan doing the Who Me? Shuffle, a tricky maneuver requiring him to not only express how little he wants the responsibility, while canceling fundraisers and advising GOP’ers he’s thinking about it. Then there’s the Mosh Pit, featuring the regular batches of skinheads and social rejects who’ve been elevated to positions of power, led by Ericksonoferickerickson Erick, who bang around in their own little world, lashing out in all directions and proclaiming Ryan a heretic in regards to TARP (didjoo know there’s still a ton of butthurt regarding TARP? I did not.), and immigration. But the fix is in for Ryan as one of the other contestants said he would Chaffetz if Paulie joins the race, and that Dictionary guy has shoes on that are two sizes too small.

    The dance floor is full, and there’s still a long line of folks trying to get in, so come early, and cum often (haw! McCarthy), to Dancing With The Loonies!

    • I was looking foward to seeing more of Kevin McCarthy’s routine. It’s too bad he was disqualified for doing the Horizontal Mamba with someone other than his usual dancing partner.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    I don’t believe in insulting people’s looks normally but that guy looks like a steamed prawn.

    • Judging by his face, I think HE may be an aborted fetus somehow given sentience (which at least would explain his undeveloped brain.)

  • Hopefully congress is smart enough to seperate the wheatetz from the Chaffetz.

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