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Maybe the demon sheep did it
Maybe the demon sheep did it

So here’s a thing: You know how, on her first day in office, Carly Fiorina would call the Supreme Leader of Iran and tell him the nuke deal is off? If that happens (it won’t), chances are good the Supreme Leader’s transcript of that call would be printed with a Hewlett-Packard printer, since while Carly Fiorina was CEO of HP, the company “sold hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of products to Iran through a foreign subsidiary, despite strict U.S. export sanctions,” according to a column by Josh Rogin in BloombergView. Good thing Fiorina knows how to make tough deals!

Way back in 1995, Bill Clinton issued executive orders banning U.S. companies from dealing with Iran, what with the whole support for terrorism thing. But while Fiorina was running the company from 1999 to 2005, HP found a clever loophole:

Hewlett-Packard used a European subsidiary and a Middle East distributor to sell hundreds of millions of dollars of printers and other computer equipment to Iran.

HP’s unusual omnipresence inside Iran was first reported in 2008 by the Boston Globe, which discovered that in 1997 the company struck up a partnership with a new Indian company in Dubai called Redington Gulf. The partnership was so successful distributing in Iran that HP printers were No. 1 there, with 41 percent of the market share by 2007.

See, that’s way different from ruining HP! After that Boston Globe piece ran, the Securities and Exchange Commission asked HP what the heck was up with that stuff, and HP explained that while it did sell over $120 million in HP products to Redington Gulf, and sure, it did get distributed in Iran, the whole deal was done through an HP subsidiary in the Netherlands, so no way was HP violating the sanctions, as long as nobody in the USA was running the deal or even knew about it. It’s a big company, and who even knows what those Dutch are doing, with their hash bars and their Royales with Cheese.

In 2009, when she and her demon sheep were getting ready to run for the Senate the next year, Fiorina denied knowing anything about HP sales to Iran. Her Senate campaign spokeswoman at the time, Beth Miller, issued a statement saying, “It is illegal for American companies to do business in Iran. To her knowledge, during her tenure, HP never did business in Iran and fully complied with all U.S. sanctions and laws.” So there you go, she’s completely in the clear.

Or maybe not completely, since, as the San Jose Mercury-News reported in 2009:

In 1999, after she took over at HP, the company’s Middle East general manager was quoted in a United Arab Emirates English-language newspaper calling Iran “a big market for Hewlett-Packard printers” and noting sales growth in the country was 50 percent. Fiorina herself in 2003 cited the Middle East as a growth region amid flagging sales elsewhere (she did not mention Iran specifically).

After that SEC inquiry, HP broke off its relationship with Redington Gulf. Fiorina decided, as the 2010 campaign went on, that maybe she could polish that Iran turd into a Freedom-n-Democracy-Through-Technology talking point, telling an Israeli magazine with the actual real name Lady Globes that all it was selling in Iran was “printer ink” and that HP had done so “in full compliance with American export laws.” And besides, if it weren’t for communication technology being sold in Iran, the Iranian people wouldn’t be able to get the truth out to the West, like stories of women being stoned to death for adultery:

This is how we know that this regime kills demonstrators and tortures political activists. The knowledge that we gain about was going on there is important. It gives us a human face on a brutal regime.

So I think in addition to crippling sanctions on the regime, we should be encouraging elements of political reform inside Iran, and one of the ways to do that is by selling communication in and out.”

And to that end, while Fiorina was in charge, HP also lobbied Congress for Iran sanctions reform, because while cracking down on a brutal dictatorship is important, so is moving product. Besides, you can’t make nuclear weapons out of printer ink, can you?

Rogin also spoke to Richard Nephew, a former sanctions coordinator at the State Department and NSC who helped negotiate the Obama administration’s Iran nuclear deal, who said that while HP was selling to Iran through its foreign holdings, “it was ambiguous to many people as to whether it was illegal or not … They were adhering to the letter but not the spirit, if it was at the direction of the parent company that this was done.”

Also too, Nephew said the notion that Fiorina was unaware of the company’s dealings in Iran was “kind of laughable,” which should make for some fun follow-up questions at Wednesday’s Republican primary debate.

You sort of have to feel bad for Carly Fiorina. Turns out there was one chunk of HP’s business that she wasn’t running into the ground, and she can’t even brag about that.

[BloombergView / San Jose Mercury News]

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  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Well, she’s got Oliver North’s vote.

    • eggsacklywright

      Was it Dawn or Fawn? (yawn)

  • Lizzietish81

    If she were smart she would use this as proof that she is Ronnie’s philosophical successor!

    • JustPixelz

      Which one: Reagan or McDonald?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Yes

  • Belasaurius

    no surprise here

  • NotReveen

    I’m pretty sure this makes Carly Fiorina a terrorist, just like Ronald Reagan.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    I was wondering when this would come back up for Cruela.

    I guess her profile is high enough now and people are getting bored with The Donald and The Great Email Scandal That Wasn’t.

  • deanbooth

    An ink embargo will bring Iran to its knees! At $2,700/gallon, it puts oil to shame.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …did she then use the cash to finance paramilitary groups in South America?

    • toomanyrappers

      Nope. She just a greedy bitch. :)

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      Stinger missiles for everyone!

  • crunchyknee

    She just likes to outsource jerbs!

  • elviouslyqueer

    My money’s on her using this as a way to prove she’s got foreign policy experience. Just y’all wait.

    • Bob@Bob.com

      She sold crappy printers to the enemy. So she’s a war hero too

    • dslindc

      Gotta use something and it’s much harder to see Russia from California.

    • JustPixelz

      She can see bills of lading from her house?

  • Bob@Bob.com

    I know a lot of people here get upset when we judge people by their looks but those eyes. She looks like she should be on an episode of Deadly Women

    • Toomush_Infer

      Demon sheep was a natural projection…

    • hey! this isn’t jezebel.

      and she’s had WAYYYYY too much work done. she looks like she’s walking around with a permanent soft focus halo around her head.

    • Playonwords

      She has already starred (uncredited) in a movie …

      … as Norma Bates

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I have no problem with attacking people for something they do to themselves deliberately, like waaaaaaaaaay too much plastic surgery. I prefer not to attack over natural appearance, weight, etc. So I will just say that if her face had $arah’s voice attached to it, we could weaponize it.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    This is why I’ve re-branded myself as a “European pharmaceutical distributor,” now I can legally sell heroin, cocaine and meth to kids in the US. For medicinal purposes only, of course.

  • freakishlystrong

    Ugh. Wingnut Dearest

    • AntiDerpomeme

      “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!”

  • Lizzietish81

    So, were Iranians able to take advantage of HP’s recycling program?

  • vivian

    Why does she always look like she’s trying to hypnotize a squirrel?

  • goonemeritus

    Carly Fiorina only sold printers to Iran in an effort to
    bankrupt the country with predatory ink cartridge pricing.

    • Antimassacree

      Plus psyops of drving people mad with incessant error messages if anyone dares use a non-HP cartridge in an HP machine.

  • Lizzietish81

    OT: This meeting won’t end. I have died, gone to hell and it’s an endless meeting.

    • Keep us updated Lizzie. We’ve got you covered and mums the word.

      • Lizzietish81

        at least it’s not a video conference, then I would have to appear awake and engaged.

    • LarkintheAM

      I have one of those in 40 minutes. You have my empathy.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Earphones and Pandora?…

    • Anarchy Pony

      Be sure to secure the wonketariat a nice corner booth at mephisto’s cafe then.

    • Lizzietish81

      God I have to pee too

    • dslindc

      Meetings should be like comments: not allowed.

  • Skwerl King

    Waiting for full nut job: “well Reagan made deals with Iran, I am Reagan”. — Now I have the scene in Spartacus in my head with all the GOPer’s at the debate coming forward one by one and saying, “I am Reagan.”

    • Playonwords

      You mean cursed with Alzheimers and 11 years dead?

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Dug this up from the Karla Fidora archives:

  • Carly Fiorina, “I ran Hewlett Packard”.

    Of course you did, Carly.

    • vivian

      … into the ground.”

  • LarkintheAM

    Another face lift and her eyebrows are going to be at her hairline.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    “Back at Corporate Headquarters, the only way we knew who bought our
    printers were the angry phone calls we received when the buyers found
    out that they didn’t work. I’m not sure the new support center I set up
    in Bangalore had anyone who really understood English much less Persian,
    and our standard practice for handling irate or foreign sounding
    callers was to put them on hold until they hung up.”

    • AntiDerpomeme

      So, the Comcast model of customer support, then?

      • PubOption

        Completely Farsi-cal.

        • Playonwords

          That is a Dervishally terrible pun

  • Belasaurius

    since Clinton signed the law, she’ll use her, “light treason” as an example of bucking the Democrats attempt to stifle free enterprise. ‘MURICA

    • MrBlobfish

      Clinton got a blowjob from his not-wife therefore all laws are rendered invalid.

  • Jeamonn

    Was Donald actually talking about her looks or was she making this specific face in the picture at the time he said it, because I can see what he means. It looks like she is trying to quite the voices in her head, which she actually thinks are other peoples voices in their heads because she believes she has telepathy. She looks insane.

    • bozilingus

      Like a demon sheep?

      • eggsacklywright

        ♫ Bringing in the sheeps,

        Bringing in the sheeps…♫

    • jesuswasablack

      She’s a sales/marketing robot, thats how she advanced through HP, selling hardware. Her head is so full of B.S. sales talking points she can’t think straight, hence the “insane” look in her eyes, shes a robot! IMO of all the GOP disaster candidates she would be the worst by far!

      • Jeamonn

        I don’t know, if she makes the demon sheep her sec def no one would mess with us. ever.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Turns out there was one chunk of HP’s business that she wasn’t running into the ground, and she can’t even brag about that”

    Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server, Benghazi, private server, 30,000 emails, wipe server!

  • Ryan Denniston

    She can totally brag about this one unit she didn’t destroy. After all, Saint Reagan said it’s okay to sell a bunch of shit to people you shouldn’t, because one day, a Democrat will come along, and there’s no way in hell you want to make his or her job easy.

  • Toomush_Infer

    To be a badass in the business community, you have to play by different rules…too bad iCarly didn’t know those rules…

    • weejee

      Understand iCarly’s minions will be passing out autographed chainsaws at the next GOP debase. Payroll cuts to prime the bottom line.

    • Shibusa

      If Trump had built a gold plated mosque in downtown Tehran for the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, one that was paid for by Hezbollah, and built by child laborers from Guadalajara, he’d be hailed as a business genius.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Halliburton Light.

    • LarkintheAM

      Now *there* is grift on an epic scale, by gawd.

  • ArgieBargie

    It’s almost as if iCarly was running on a platform that consisted entirely of thin air and shameless self-promotion.

    • LarkintheAM

      But then, isn’t that the definition of a modern political campaign? “Ask not what I can do for our country, ask why it’s great to be me.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I can’t imagine how you got THAT impression!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Wasn’t that how she became HP CEO?

  • Shibusa

    Anybody remember when Halliburton (w/Cheney at the helm) went around US laws forbidding companies to do business with Iran by setting up a few offshore corporations to do business with Iran? Good times.

    • zerosumgame0005

      not to even mention poison gas sold to Saddam…

      • Shibusa

        Frontline did a documentary in the 1990s called “The Arming of Iraq”. The dishonesty and hypocrisy of Darth Cheney is bottomless.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          We knew Iraq had chemical weapons because we had the receipts.

          • WORK~AT~HOME~REPORT

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  • weejee

    When asked about her BFF, Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenei, Carly said I ran, but did not hide. Da bidness of ‘Merica being bidness and all.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Shit, you mean they’ve got LASER printers in Iran??!1???!!

    • weejee

      To ask questions about the corrosive properties of uranium hexafluoride. All that nasty gas spinning away in their magic tops.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Whirling Dervishes?

        • Playonwords

          A term that needs the Rev’d. Spooner

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And sharks with friggin’ lasers on their heads in the Persian Gulf!

  • Spotts1701

    Gee, it’s almost as if the sanctions are nothing more than bluster to gin up the rubes while the movers and shakers run rings around them.

  • You can call him the Ayatollah if you like but Carly sees a priest and can’t bring herself to question the vested authority. All the better for HP’s bottomline, but sucking up to authority is a lifelong problem for Carly – she plays the swarthy doily-hatted kinda Catholic (a role that, as a Beta Female that she plays naturally) so it’s no surprise that she’s got a weak spot for clerical garb.

    Break out the communion wafers, Mohammed – Carly’s conscience needs expiation. Just make sure you dress the part…

  • Angry_Cop

    So, apparently Fiorina had no idea what was going on at HP during her entire tenure there, and managed to torch more than half the company’s value, but somehow is to be regarded as a “successful CEO”.

    I’ve been watching this worthless fraud since her HP days. She did a good job of failing upwards for quite some time. Guess that’s not working any more.

    • proudgrampa

      Like I always say.
      Carly Fiorina — If you like what she did to HP, you’ll LOVE what she does to the country.

      • lesterthegiantape

        Ballpoint pens will be nine hundred dollars apiece once she’s done correcting the price of ink.

      • paulrandall

        Her plan merge with China.

  • proudgrampa

    Somehow, she rose WAY beyond her level of incompetence.

    • Spurning Beer

      Hmm. I thought “The Peter Principle” was about acting like a dick.

      • sw19womble

        She adds a new slant to it by acting like a…… okay, let’s go with “even bigger dick” so I don’t get banhammered.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          Just for a week, we’d c u next Tuesday ; )

    • Bill Slider

      Doesn’t that pretty well describe all 16 GOP candidates?

      • proudgrampa

        Yup.

    • Playonwords
      • proudgrampa

        That’s the one!

  • Mavenmaven

    listening to this lady believing she’s should be president (especially to those of us who were in California for her last run) makes it clear that it isn’t Kam who needs to be put away.

    • cessnadriver

      Everything she did on election night was really, really bizarre. She is one strange duck.

  • dshwa

    Another 1%er polling at 1%. GOP’s full of ’em.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    If you are a smuggler and still lose money, you are not good at business. Kind of like losing money when you own a casino.

  • beatbort

    I’m beginning to think that corporations hate America. And since corporations are “people,” shouldn’t they be tortured? At least waterboard a couple of CEOs for crying out loud!

    • Playonwords

      Just a thought, if Corporations are people – couldn’t they be subject to civil asset forfeiture?

      • Boscoe

        -And waterboarding? They might have secrets!

  • chicken thief

    This is great news for Bobby Jindal!!!!!

  • lesterthegiantape

    If she has any supporters at all,
    1) they will point out what stellar enterprise this shows
    2) they will point out Iran wasn’t an enemy at the time
    c) SQUIRREL

    • sw19womble

      4: PROFIT!

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Wellllll… about that…

        What exactly is a profit, does anyone even really know? I mean, sure, you could get all wrapped up in so-called numbers and percentages, and focus on negative things. Like “actual earnings” or “stock value.” But, who needs negativity in their lives? Nobody, that’s who! Sometimes, people say “less is more,” right? Or, even “it’s better to give than receive.” And what, are you going to call them a liar?

        • sw19womble

          You are Enron and I claim my $5

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      It wasn’t?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Well, it was Clinton’s administration’s law thingy they were sidling around so it really didn’t mean anything, to a republican

  • Msgr_Moment

    Quick! Time to sell US short!

  • Callyson

    This is how we know that this regime kills demonstrators and tortures political activists. The knowledge that we gain about was going on there is important. It gives us a human face on a brutal regime.

    So I think in addition to crippling sanctions on the regime, we should be encouraging elements of political reform inside Iran, and one of the ways to do that is by selling communication in and out.

    Um, did she just try to take ANY amount of credit for the Green Movement? Fuck that noise: the Iranians deserve better…

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      It is sort of what Republicans do. Make money where ever they can no matter whom they hurt, then set about and try to gloss it over by taking credit for what other people are doing.

  • Bill Slider

    I am waiting for The Donald to ditch the lovely Miss Sarah for The Badass of Bold Moves, Miss Carly, who knows how to make money. I call it Trump Tower Trash over Trailer Trash.

    • paulrandall

      The Hatchet Queen knows how to get paid. That’s not the same as making money.

  • MrBlobfish

    More “gotcha” questions from the lame-stream media. Hillary is old and thinks selling baby parts while wearing pantsuits in her Scooby van is good. Also, too cankles.

  • Me not sure

    Running printers to the Iranian middle class lacks the panache of running guns to the French resistance.
    “Say hello to my leetle friend.’

  • bozilingus

    The printer is mightier than the sword.

  • say wha

    It’s the HP Way!

  • TheBidenator

    Ya know, if I were an asshole and I’m not because I don’t work at Fox News I might point out that a recently foiled terrorist plot involved tons of bomb making materials being shipped in HP printers….if I did work at Fox News and controlled the GOP primary as they do, I’d ask her about it just for the lulz of the explanation.

  • AnOuthouse

    Oh Carly, don’t worry, Cheney and Halliburton were doing the same thing. Go shoot someone in the face, preferably Donald Trump.

  • junior friggster

    The mere existence of a rag named Lady Globes supersedes any possible joke about a rag named Lady Globes.

    Congratulations, Lady Globes, you won the morning, and my heart.

  • D G

    Probably used those printers to print out Nuke Plans(™) but they just came out all yellowy from the crappy HP printers…….

  • Joe Commenter

    Redington Gulf? This is actually the script for a Blacklist episode, isn’t it?

    • Goposaur

      #175 I believe.

  • Bitter Scribe

    This is just a distraction from what’s really important, which is Hillary’s e-mail server.

    • Markuserektus

      Was it an HP?

  • VandeGraf

    Irangate ! Printerghazi ! Issue a subpenis for Carly’s server ! Interrogate her aides !

  • Boscoe

    More conservative “leadership qualities” on display: deny everything until they show you proof, then immediately rationalize it into just caring too much about freedom and America while still not actually admitting you did anything.

  • Mormos

    Carly Fiorina: Breaks international trade sanctions, still can’t turn a profit.

  • madmonq

    If your company sold that much Hewlett Packard stuff you’d have to know.
    The complaints about your shitty product would be enough to draw your attention.

  • Hemingway

    There’s
    no way that people can ignore Carly Fiorina’s disastrous tenure at
    Hewlett-Packard, which she ran as CEO for six tumultuous years before
    the board ousted her in 2005. By that time, the company’s stock had lost
    about half its value and tens of thousands of people had lost their
    jobs. Now she wants to be President – this is nuts.

  • Greg Fuderer

    “But while Fiorina was running the company from 1999 to 2005, HP found a clever loophole”
    You misspelled “ruining.”

    • Greg Fuderer

      hey… i didn’t see you sentence til later

    • Goposaur

      you misspelled “bottomless sinkhole of fail and treason”

  • paulrandall

    Good luck if the Hatchet Queen goes after Trump on live TV.

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  • DahBoner
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