Know all those emails where Hillary Clinton was like “Dear Bill and Chelsea: I JUST DID BENGHAZI,” and “Sure, Meryl Streep, I am all the way down for brunch, but FIRST I HAVE TO DO BENGHAZI,” and “Dear Huma Abedin: When we make lesbian sex upon each other later, let’s do it BENGHAZI-STYLE”? No, you do not know all those emails, because Hillz deleted them, and somehow the Justice Department is fine with all this!
The Justice Department said in a court filing this week that Hillary Rodham Clinton had the authority to delete emails that she did not believe were government records from the personal account that she exclusively used while secretary of state.
The statement was made in connection with a lawsuit brought by the conservative group Judicial Watch. The group is seeking to force the government to search the server that housed Mrs. Clinton’s account for messages related to a video ad the State Department aired in Pakistan. Judicial Watch contends the ad was an apology for the Internet video that the administration initially blamed for inciting the 2012 attacks on the American diplomatic compound in Benghazi, Libya.
How dare they? How on earth can Hitlery Clinton, the greatest criminal mastermind to exist since her husband, possibly be trusted to know which emails say “Yo, Bill, we should watch this on Netflix,” and which ones say, “CLASSIFIED GOVERNMENT SECRETS on how I am in the Illuminati with Beyoncé”?
Anyway, so yeah, the DOJ says Hillary is a growned-up lady and probably was able to discern which emails were various vegetables she wanted to pick up at the bodega, and which ones were government-related and should be archived. They even say she could have done this if she was using a government email, instead of HillaryLovesTaylorSwift@aol.com.
And all of this is happening even though Hillz said she was sorry for whatever terrible crimes she didn’t commit, and even though the New York Times was completely certain she was being criminally investigated so hard and probably would end up in Gitmo before it was all over. (The Times neglected to fully take responsibility for that report, and instead just kind of changed the words of it over a few days, hoping no one would notice. This is because the Times is a bad newspaper, and it should feel bad.)
Here’s a weird thing, though! This DOJ brief, which came out last Wednesday, basically exonerates Hillary from any accusation of wrongdoing, and yet Crooks and Liars reports that none of the bad newspapers out there thought it was newsworthy. In fact, it took the REALLY bad Washington Times to notice it before the supposedly liberal papers even noticed. It’s like the powers that be in the “liberal media” might kinda sorta have it in for Hillary, and really don’t want to let people know how she didn’t, in point of fact, commit a bunch of savage crimes.
So weird. Anyway, we’ll look forward to the next SHOCKING development in this story, in a piece the NYT will probably headline “Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi, Email Email Email, Hitlery Clinton Lesbian Bad.”