Those Oath Keepers boys sure do get around! (Like, in a traveling way, not in a “WHAT SLUTS!” way, but some of them are probably sluts, you don’t know.) Just last month, members of the paramilitary anti-government group were ogling the Wonkette Baby in Montana, calling her “precious cargo” and shit (TRUE), while Editrix was trying to Do Journalism about how the thug federal gub’mint was stealing federal land from its rightful owners, i.e. whatever frontiersman done stuck a flag in it this time. Before that, they were showing up in Ferguson with assault rifles to bring peace upon the land, and also to protect some nutbag “journalist” from Alex Jones’s website.
Now that they fixed Ferguson forever, they’ve set their sights on Old Kentucky Home, and a new target: those jackbooted homogay g-men who had the audacity to arrest and jail Kim Davis for violating clear orders of the court. Shouldn’t there be a law against that? No, not the part about violating court orders, there IS a law against that. But the Oath Keepers are pretty sure there should be a law against the government arresting Kim Davis, for any reason whatsoever.
This will go well:
The Oath Keepers, the anti-government “Patriot” group that mounted an armed standoff with the Bureau of Land Management at the Bundy Ranch, stationed armed guards outside of military recruitment centers after the Chattanooga shooting, and unsettled Ferguson protestors when they showed up carrying assault rifles, is now offering anti-gay Kentucky clerk Kim Davis a “security detail” to protect her from further arrest if she continues to defy the Supreme Court’s marriage equality ruling.
Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes announced yesterday that he had reached out to Davis’ lawyers at Liberty Counsel to offer the protection of his group, which he says is already forming a presence in Rowan County, Kentucky, where Davis was recently released from jail after prohibiting her office from issuing marriage licenses. Rhodes said in a statement that his position has nothing to do with gay marriage, but rather his conviction that Davis had been illegally detained by the federal judge who held her in contempt for violating multiple court orders.
See, in attempting to force Kim Davis to abide by federal law, the federal courts done overstepped their goddamn bounds, and if the local sheriffs in Kentucky are such pussies they can’t march up to the feds and say “NOT ON MY WATCH, Y’HEAR?” over and over until they comply and leave poor Kim Davis alone, well by God, the Oath Keepers will do it. They’ll form a fuckin’ prayer circle all the way around her so the U.S. Marshals can’t get to her and arrest her again, except instead of “prayers,” it’ll be more like “more assault rifles.” This constant security detail will make it very difficult for Kim Davis to try new hetero humping positions with her opposite-married sexxxxy dream husband Joe, but, as they are gentlemen, we trust the Oath Keepers will promise to look the other way. Hey, they didn’t play Yosemite Sam even ONE TIME when Wonkette Baby was around. They know how to act polite.
Anyway, this is about principles, goddammit. You comprehend “principles”? Oath Keepers gonna learn you, gonna learn you GOOD.