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Idea hat.
Idea hat.

All these Republican wingnut jokesters, making promises they never keep! So Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Asparagus Aspersions) is very, very upset about the Iran deal, because it’s not a treaty, which means Iran won’t pay any attention to it, and will therefore Holocaust Israel with nukes, and then it will Holocaust America, and all other kinds of scary things that Gohmert can’t spell. But Gohmert had an idea! So he went and put on his Idea Hat (pictured above) and wrote hisself a resolution to force the United States government to treat the Iran deal as a full, balls-out TREATY, because this is the only way to keep the world safe. And he dotted his I’s and crossed his T’s and zipped up his pants and gave it to Congress, saying, “Here is my treaty, I only had one accident on it.”

But, SADNESSES, the Democrats now have all the Senate votes they need to block Republicans from trying to fuck everything up, so Gohmert’s little resolution could’ve been DOA unless he put on his Idea Hat AGAIN!  So he sat back down, unzipped his pants, and wrote A Email to Glenn Beck, and it said words, and Beck read the words on the radio to his cohost “Stu”:

GLENN: I just got an email from Louie Gohmert. He said, last week I announced to the world if the House and Senate will treat Iran — the Iran treaty as a treaty, I will not run for my congressional seat again. It’s the only thing that I have left that our leadership wants beside my integrity. And after last week that I spent in Egypt, I feel so compelled to do absolutely everything I can to derail this president’s drastic move towards a nuclear holocaust. I won’t run again if the House voted on my attached resolution and the Senate voted on ratification.

STU: Although I’d hate for the consequence to be Louie Gohmert not in Congress.

So, there are some misleading headlines out there on this story (MENTIONING NO NAMES) that make it sound like Gohmert is saying he’s just gonna up ‘n’ quit, goldarnit, pew pew pew, because the Iran deal’s got him so rootin’-tootin’ mad smoke’s a-‘comin’ out his ears and his dick don’t work no more. That is not exactly what he’s saying. Instead, he is being Drama Gohmert. He’s saying it is SO important to him, that if he has to sacrifice his congressional career in exchange for Congress doing exactly what he wants it to do, to prevent all the Holocausting, he’ll do it, by God.

Indeed, his resolution very specifically states that he’s doing this because he doesn’t trust the weaselbritches Republican establishment and thinks they’re pussies:

“Regardless of what Republican establishment leaders are saying publicly, some apparently believe Iran is going to get nuclear weapons no matter what we do. They reason that if we treat the Iranian agreement as the Treaty it is, and the Senate fails to ratify it, then when Iran gets nuclear weapons, everyone will blame Republicans since we did not ratify the President’s Treaty.”

“However, if Republicans pretend to fight the Iranian deal like our leaders pretended to fight the President’s amnesty, and let the President’s Iran treaty slip through without stopping it, then when Iran gets nukes, everyone will blame the President and the Democrats and the pitiful deal they made with Iran that allowed Iran to get nukes. Then Republican leaders can say that we tried to stop that terrible Iranian Deal but we just did not get the two-thirds we needed in the U.S. House and Senate to vote it down.”

See? Louie is the ONLY one who cares about the nuclear holocaust Iran is going to do to everybody in the entire world, and therefore he’s the only one willing to put his ass on the line and threaten to quit his job if his party doesn’t do what he says RIGHT NOW DAMMIT.

And what a rock-and-a-hard-place situation that is! We’re sure there’s somebody in Congress who is like “No, Louie, don’t go!” After all, if he left, who would warn us that God is going to smite the American earth with fire, because of the homosexuals? Who would wink wink, nudge nudge, Just Ask Questions about whether maybe Obama loves the terrorists? Who would shame the Republican lady lawmakers, when they dare to vote as if they have vaginas?

But the rest of the universe (many Republicans included, apparently!) pretty much agrees Gohmert is a stupid hayseed who doesn’t have any business cleaning toilets on Capitol Hill, much less holding elected office. So we guess that’s a vote for “Do his thing, you can cross your fingers and repeal it as soon as Gohmert’s done fucking the horse he rode in on and finally leaves.”

But, GRRRRR, the Iran deal seems to be pretty good. It’s got the support of our allies, and Tom Cotton, the babydick senator from Arkansas, REALLY hates it, so that’s pretty much a vote in its favor by default.

So, we hate to say it, but we guess Gohmert will have to keep being maybe actually, for real, the dumbest congressman the state of Texas has ever produced, until the idiots who elected him choose somebody different, or East Texas gets attacked by Iran, which is not going to happen. OR WILL IT?

[Glenn Beck / Gohmert resolution via Talking Points Memo]

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  • beatbort

    “STU: Although I’d hate for the consequence to be Louie Gohmert not in Congress.”
    Stu’s last name is Pid.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    “STU: Although I’d hate for the consequence to be Louie Gohmert not in Congress.”
    STFU, STU

  • coozledad

    I feel so compelled to do absolutely everything I can to derail this president’s drastic move towards a nuclear holocaust.

    Would you be willing to duct tape your face shut?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      What would he do for a Klondike Bar?

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “I announced to the world if the House and Senate will treat Iran — the Iran treaty as a treaty, I will not run for my congressional seat again.”

    = I’m lying.

  • Relativicus

    I totally misread this yesterday and thought he was using a promise of resignation to get democrats behind the effort to disapprove the deal (an effort it took the GOP about three hours to start fucking up). Either way, it’s the kind of one-time offer a person would be crazy not to jump on, but I was still somewhat relieved that his departure hinged on approval of the deal.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      The Repigs will get serious about this after they complete making Obama a one term president. The R’s really are good for nothing, and that includes being obstructionists.

      On a serious note, this will be another fine feather in President Obama’s cap.

  • Holocausting everyone seems like a small price to pay to finally be rid of Gohmert.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I volunteer to go first.

  • I wish I could be like Glommert n’ KIMDAVIS and get paid a nice big guvmint salary for not doing my job.

    What are they, in an union?!?

    HAHA I kid the unions!

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “I’d hate for the consequence to be Louie Gohmert not in Congress.”

    Me too. Where else will we find such comedy gold?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Chicken Thief would be devastated if he left.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Who gets dibs on his presinential tie collection?

      • Luthe Tucker

        Charlie Pierce would be devastated. Who would be God-Emperor for Life of the crazies?

  • PubOption

    Louie has never been afraid to plunge into the fray.

  • freakishlystrong

    That “rally” yesterday was chock full o’ nuts. Foreign Policy luminaries such as Jenny Beth Martin, Donald Trump and Mark Levin, none of whom, have even read this thing. And of course, it was breathlessly covered by the media as though it was legitimate opposition. Fucking embarrassing for this nation.

    • JohnR

      More media than actual T-Baggers, my ears are still full of dried blood from Screech Palin’s word shooting.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I saw $arah and Phil Robertson….all the heavy hitters. I assume Joe the Plumber and V-Jack had other commitments.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Also, too, being a Republican rally, they once again stole music and were told to go fuck themselves.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah, what is it with these dopes and stealing music? Obviously, there is no one on their side of the divide that is worth a shit, musically, so they continually appropriate music they think gives them some sort of coolness cred. Remember Paul Ryan and Rage Against The Machine? OMFG!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Why don’t they just play one of Nuge’s paeans to child rape and be done with it?

        • Amy!

          I wonder what Blue Oyster Cult’s politics are like?

          I mean, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” would be a classic (although there’d certainly be disruptive people in the audience shouting “MOAR COWBELLZ!”), and entirely appropriate for a Republican presidential campaign. I can see that they might not wanna go for that one.

          Still, BOC also did “Veteran of the Psychic Wars,” which is sufficiently creepy and obscure to appeal to a Republican electorate, I’d think.

          Trump, on the other hand, should offer Randy Newman whatever RN wants to use “Political Science” as his campaign anthem.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            “Don’t Fear” lessens its usefulness to Republicans.

      • HeywoodJablomey

        I wonder how AC/DC feels about it too, also and such as.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The most awesome remark to come out of the rally was from NPR, who marveled that, just this once, Trump and Ted Cruz were acting like “besties.”

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Uh oh, is this an attempt to make Sister $ara jealous? She’s gonna have to suck it harder if she wants that coveted VP spot.

      • MrBlobfish

        Ted is the Jughead to Trump’s Archie.

        • stevola

          Archie Comics libel!! Although I could see Ted wearing the hat.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The Chosen One is probably angling for the VP slot in hopes that a pissed off Mexican crime boss will put Him in the White House.

    • HeywoodJablomey

      I tortured myself with about 90 minutes of video last night, and as you might imagine I heard nothing but idiotic rabble-rousing hyperbole, lies, misinformation, and ignorance. I can’t even.
      So much fucking stupid to chose from, but one of my favorite sound bites of the afternoon was one-L Michele saying we should have bombed the shit out of Iran (and their nookular capabilities) in WW II.
      Oh, and the Tundra Grifter spewing some horseshit about how Obama’s a pussay and he should handle Iran like St. Ronnie did. Really, she said that!
      If you haven’t, y’all really should gird yer loins and make time to see the shitshow; it’s unfuckingbelievable.

  • JohnR

    Gohmert not in Govt. is a good thing. Now we must hold him to his promise.

    • Msgr_Moment

      I think he should visit Nugent in jail for encouragement.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        And share a waterboarding with Hannity.

        • chicken thief

          Down in Costa Rica with Rush.

  • QHarp

    How has he gotten this far in life without drowning from looking up into the sky while it’s raining?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Doesn’t rain much in Texas?

  • Blender_415

    Did his parents actively feed him lead-paint chips as a child?

    • freakishlystrong

      French onion stupid was the dip.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Dip dip was the dip.

  • FauxAntocles

    If Gomer leaves, where is Texass going to find A Even Bigger Idjit?

    • Luthe Tucker

      Shouldn’t be hard. Don’t you know *everything* is bigger in Texas?

    • JohnR

      Trust me there’s plenty more where Louie came from.

    • Rick Hill

      Somehow, that is never a problem.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They could look in Arizona. We have a surplus that we export to states with a shortage. The money goes to build more private prisons.

    • Suttree

      Next house over?

    • Fartknocker

      We’ll always have Ricky Perry, Ken Paxton, the Texas Board of Education, and GWB2. We’re like the Costco of dumbass politicians. We got shit fer brains, corrupt, sons of bitches on every aisle.

      • FauxAntocles

        I’m sorry.

  • LesBontemps

    What if we just gave Iran a nuke and a map of TX-01? I’m only asking.

    • Land Shark

      and a metric fuck-tonne of votes to arm the nuke with? I’m in.

  • freakishlystrong

    everyone will blame the President and the Democrats and the pitiful deal they made with Iran that allowed Iran to get nukes.
    Republican Foreign Policy for the last 7 years. And really, we PAY this jackhole? Democrats made a deal? And nothing of our allies? Fuck me running.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “…I will not run for my congressional seat again. It’s the only thing that I have left that our leadership wants besides my integrity.”

    That may well be the funniest single thing I’ve ever heard come out of a politician’s mouth.

    • Suttree

      I would very much like to hear his definition.

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    Made us look.

  • Land Shark

    He should leave and take up a lucrative career in Prezinitial tie modeling.

  • MrBlobfish

    When the Persians perfect the nuclear-armed flying carpet I’ll start worrying.

  • WIDTAP

    “…I will not run for my congressional seat again. It’s the only thing that I have left that our leadership wants besides my integrity.”

    “…as I will be running for Senate seat instead.”

    • DoILookAmused2u ?

      I am pretty sure gohmert ditched the whole integrity thing when he first started running for judicial posts in Texas elections.

      • LesBontemps

        Holy fuck, this guy was actually a judge in an actual court of actual law? Keep him in Congress where he can do less harm!

        • Gleem-McShinez

          And he tells a proud tale of using duct tape on a prisoner’s head. To keep him silent. Not even kidding.

          “AIN’T NEEDN NO GAVEL, AMMA GIT MAH TAYAPE! YOUS BEEN JUDGMENTED!!”

    • Land Shark

      *rimshot* “I’m here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress!”

    • chicken thief

      With a Ted Cruz presidency there will be an open seat in Texas…. mah main man Louie Gohmert is crafty like a bag of hammers!

  • drbloor

    You’re gonna need a bigger plunger.

  • coozledad

    Gohmert’s strategy- a visualization:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/tweet_video/COZxOx0W8AA1T4A.mp4

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Cool and calm like most Repigs.

      • coozledad

        That there’s what you call status quo ante.

  • MrBlobfish

    And give up that sweet gov’t paycheck? Fat chance.

    • Rick Hill

      Grifers never quit the grift while it still pulls in the dough.

  • Spurning Beer

    Old Louis is as smart as he is good lookin’.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    “However, if Republicans pretend to fight the Iranian deal like our leaders pretended to fight the President’s amnesty, blah, blah, blah…

    I keep reading this, and it makes no more sense after several attempts. Does this mean that Republicans secretly want the deal to pass, and are only putting up the pretense of opposition? And what’s does this have to do with fighting amnesty? What amnesty? And is this perhaps a confession that the only reason idiot Republicans ever vote on anything is that they want to be obstructionists? (Last question is totally rhetorical, of course the answer is “yes,” but it’s interesting for somebody in the Repub leadership to admit that.)

    • Suttree

      Yes. Also he’s apparently eating from the same salad bowl as Sara.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That bowl must have a ton of lead in the glaze.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I think I’ve got it. It’s a stupid way of looking at things (of course) but it is a way of looking at things.

      (Some conservatives think that) deal or no deal, Iran will get nukes.

      If they scupper the deal – they’ll get the blame for Iran nukes.

      If the deal passes – Obama’s pussy deal will get the blame for Iran nukes.

      Therefore – the optimum plan is to pretend to oppose the plan, let it pass, then blame Obama for Iran nukes.

      IT IS ONLY Louie who thinks there is a no-deal AND no-nukes option, and aware of how unpopular he is, he will graciously offer to not run for congress again if his pussy bosses will consider this bold option.

      The only major flaw I can see is that nobody, including Louie himself, knows what this option might actually be.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Pretty sure his plan involves a lot of losing on twitter to Iran, breath holding, temper-tantrum throwing and oh yeah, probably bombing them because our American War Machine hasn’t had a good war in a whole minute.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Gohmert quitting in a huff, Huckabee and Cruz in jail with Kim Davis…Tyrant Obama’s plan to pick them off one by one is finally beginning.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Yet I am still undecided. Which of these guys really is the biggest dickhead?

      • AntiDerpomeme

        Obligatory: AOT, K

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Whichever one is in front of a microphone at any given moment. It’s a fluid situation.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Thus spaketh the poster boy for “All Hat, No Cattle.”

  • chicken thief

    When mah main man Louie Gohmert speaks, the hush over the crowd is just like when EF Hutton talks. Well, except for all the giggling afterwards….

    • elviouslyqueer

      You misspelled “guffawing.”

      • Suttree

        You misspelled tomato throwing.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ah, there you are. We’ve all been waiting for you to weigh in.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        It’s the Gohmert equivalent of Fartknocker’s comments on Rick Perry!

    • memzilla

      What about those Preznitial ties? Can’t he stroke them and coo to them and get some comfort that way?

  • Amy!

    So if Louie’s off to wait for the nuclear holocaust, he must have a bunker, right? But how’s he set on provisions?

    I think we should all help him stock up, by sending him canned food. I suggest asparagus.

    Don’t go casting any aspersions.

    • Suttree

      This may be more helpful,

      • Amy!

        Great! He’d finally have some brains!

      • marxalot

        Isn’t that cannibalism?

        • Suttree

          Just because you fuck them doesn’t make you one.

  • Rick Hill

    It would be a severe calamity if Iran had a nuclear weapon. That would mean that everyone would see that nothing in the region changes and the gop would be left with one less fear card to play.

    • zerosumgame0005

      and the very idea of how many of it’s parts will have a Halliburton associated label on it will be ignored…

  • Belasaurius

    at least his village will get his idiot back. Seriously, I spent a decade living in Louie’s district. They’ll just elect someone as bad if not worse.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A decade? Were you incarcerated, or was this something you did voluntarily?

      • janecita

        He was send to jail after his deposition of Pope Silverious.

      • Belasaurius

        cheap college.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Hey, I recall such a thing as well! Nobody today does.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Right? I was one of those that “worked my way” through school. Didn’t have two nickels to rub together, but at least I didn’t graduate in debt for the rest of my life.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Hope Louie doesn’t see this. Next thing you know, he’ll be touting his commitment to affordable higher education.

      • Belasaurius

        pissed off Empress Theodora.

  • Ryan Denniston

    then when Iran gets nuclear weapons, everyone will blame Republicans since we did not ratify the President’s Treaty.”

    No, everyone will blame Republicans because Dubya and the Sith Lord didn’t do jack about Iran, because they preferred to blame the whole mess on time-travelling Tyrant Obama.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Meh, what’s a centrifuge or two?

      • zerosumgame0005

        or 5,000 under dumbaya’s watch

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Dumbya went to war over a dozen non-centifuge tubes; meanwhile Iran was allowed to get hold of 5,000 real ones? Did Dumbya exclusively hire dumbfucks as his intel/policy gnomes?

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            You have to ask?

          • zerosumgame0005

            if they knew more then 800 words they were smuter thn him so they was OUT!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Whoops, Darth Vader libel? Sorry folks.

  • MrBlobfish

    Wow – You Won’t Believe What Louie Gohmert Is Wearing To Burning Man!

    • zerosumgame0005

      have some brain bleach handy if you do ever see that!

  • janecita

    I’m confused, is he quitting and joining the Republican clown car? Or is he quitting because Egyptian dictator Sisi offered him a job?

    • mardam422

      You know what Sisi spelled backwards is?

      • janecita

        Yup, and it totally makes sense, he is a terrorist, just like them. But he is our type of terrorist, the type we like.

  • DahBoner

    The only thing he has left is his integrity? What about his wife, his old dog Blue and his asparagus garden?

    https://media0.giphy.com/media/lSNstoXFGt9Di/200w_d.gif

  • First off, if I were the head of Iran, I’d want nuclear weapons more if the United States started to bomb my country, just so I could tell them in the future to “Fuck off or else.” Now if the United States backed off of its demands for regime change, lifted sanctions, and slowly moved towards a more benign footing, I’d be okay with following a treaty to refrain from pursuing the weapons.

    Secondly, even if the wily Persian Hitlers are pulling the wool over our eyes and have supersecret unknown nuclear processing facilities so they build their weapon sometime in the next twenty Freedman units, somehow North Fucking Korea has had nuclear weapons for years now and they haven’t started World War III. Somehow despite absolutely hating one another with a passion, both Pakistan and India have had nukes without obliterating one another.

    It’s almost as if states recognize that if they launch off their nuclear missiles at other nuclear states, they aren’t going to survive the reprisals. Almost as if the threat of mutual assured destruction keeps people from actually using their nuclear weapons.

    Go figure.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      All true. And the trail that begins at a static test detonation (that will escape nobody’s detection) and ends with a delivery system which ensures accuracy and surety is long and difficult.

    • MrBlobfish

      India, Pakistan and North Fucking Korea don’t sit on yoooge oil deposits. Oil company profits will fall even further when Iran gets to turn the spigot on again.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        and this is what it’s really all about folks!

      • marxalot

        The Iranians aren’t stupid: they’re trying to get nuclear power up and running so that they aren’t up shit creek every time oil fluctuates, and dependent on pumping sludge out of the ground. This makes oil interests, and international banks, very nervous. The problem isn’t Iran with a bomb. That just increases local tension. The problem is Iran independent of oil.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      As W so amply demonstrated with his “brilliant” North Korea policy, if a country wants the US to back off, get a nuke.

      The problem with using nukes this way is, the more there are, the more likely an accidental launch due to a technical or command and control problem. As almost happened a couple of times during the height of the cold war. The problem with MAD is that it works great until it suddenly very much makes things worse.

    • HeywoodJablomey

      Exactly. To your first point see: Iraq, post- Israeli Operation Opera.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    For such a savvy politician, I’m surprised he’s playing his “Who gets blamed for the apocalypse” card so early.

  • Randy Riddle

    Promises, promises …

  • Spotts1701

    Right now the House GOP can’t decide whether to a) pass a disapproval resolution, b) pass a bill saying the President can’t lift the economic sanctions or c) pass a bill saying the President didn’t disclose all of the terms of the deal (so that when Obama goes ahead anyway, they can scream “lawless president!” and threaten to sue to nullify the deal in court).
    This is the leadership doing this. So frankly, what Louie Gohmert is bloviating about is really not all that crazy compared to what the guys in charge are doing.

    • chicken thief

      They took impeachment off the table? RINO’S!11!!!!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Impeachment is so 1990s. I’m surprised they’re not calling up the Oaf Keepers Militia.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          Yet.

    • HeywoodJablomey

      Speaking of lawless preznits- Cruz threatened the banking industry, saying that if Obama illegally lifted sanctions and banks released funds to Iran, they’d be brought to justice because there will come a day when the US has a new president, and his name won’t be Obama!
      Mr. Jablomey and I looked at each other and said at the same time, “His name ain’t gonna be Cruz, either.” Then we laughed and laughed and laughed.

    • npr’s coverage of congress tonight was pretty funny.

      and they actually weren’t trying to be funny. much.

  • Antimassacree

    This pic of Louie wearing his thinking cap just never gets old. Though with a turd this huge you know there is a plumber somewhere who said, “We’re gonna need a bigger plunger.”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I haz a confuzzle, which I guess is SOP when tyring to figure out WTF Gohmert is up to. He writes a bullshit bill that says the deal is a treaty, gets shot down, and now he’s saying that “if the House and Senate will treatthe Iran treaty as a treaty, I will not run for my congressional seat again.”

    I seriously can’t figure out what the fuck he wants. And I seriously doubt that he knows.

    • MrBlobfish

      Treat the treaty like a treaty. What are ya? Simple?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      This is why rabid dogs are left alone.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I had to read his threat several times to figure it out but, as near as I can tell he is saying.

      IF Congress does something that I know perfectly well they are not going to do, THEN I will not run for reelection.

      In other words, he’s sticking around, playing the martyr and getting a few headlines. Par for the course for the Asparagus Man.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Devious, in that uniquely Republican send-fake-emails-accusing-me-of-gay-sex-to-cover-my-actual-sex-affair way.

  • Malmborg Implano

    Go on and quit, you quitting quitter. We’ll just call you Quitty Quitterson from now on.

    • MrBlobfish

      There will only be one quitter in my heart. xoxo Sarah!

      • TheBidenator

        She quit you too, didn’t she?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Other Gohmert threats he’s used in past negotiations:

    “If you make me clean my room, I will eat all my vegetables from now on.”

    “If you don’t come down from sticker price on this, then I’m getting the undercoating, for sure.”

    “If you break up with me, then I’ll move away and you’ll never see me again.”

    • HeywoodJablomey

      Maybe he could use a few pointers from a Latverian Diplomat ; )

      • Latverian Diplomat

        We like to keep things simple. Our ultimatums are usually of the form: “Kneel before Doom, or be annihilated!”. It’s a classic.

  • docterry6973

    ‘Rockbox’ Gohmert could never get a job this good. He’s staying.

    • TheBidenator

      I dunno, Joe Barton was an oil company executive before he ran to Congress…soak that one in for a moment.

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Ok Fair is fair, Louie Louie,
    If we blame the damn Dems for making a deal and Iran gets nukes…..
    Can we thank the damn Dems for working with other civilized countries if it creates a potential ally and trade partner out of a former enemy instead of whatever world ending event you are promising today? No?

  • Takoma DC

    Go, go, Goderp!

  • Takoma DC

    Funny they still don’t grasp the fact that the agreement involves allied Nations.

    • jmk

      Yep – which makes me wonder if the real reason they seem unable to remember that we’re one of quite a few signatories in all their blathering on about how this is the “president’s treaty” is actually because they can’t count that high.

      • Takoma DC

        Agree! Quite possible. It’s mind boggling.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          Even my teenaged grandson wondered aloud this morning if the other countries that hammered this agreement out are having the same trouble convincing their own governments and citizens that it’s a good thing. He concluded, “they’re probably not that dumb.”

          • Takoma DC

            Smart kid. Our allies are bewildered by our fearless leaders no votes and protest rallies. They don’t have any of this nonsense.

          • HeywoodJablomey

            He’s only 15 and his jaw dropped at some of the stupid shit that was said at that rally yesterday.

    • TheBidenator

      To Republicans the world is Americentered where every nation spins around us and we decide what everyone does so the only time a nation gets away with something or is behaving badly (other than the allies who’s bad behavior we ignore :cough: :cough: Israel :cough:) it’s because our president is weak….and if they get away with things during our strong president it’s nut uh, shut up didn’t happen! Does that make sense?

      • Takoma DC

        Thank you. Yes! What you’ve written makes sense about their “logic” not making any sense. Hopefully, this too also makes sense.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Bye Felipe.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Oh I promise Santa, I won’t ask you for anything else!

  • chicken thief

    Not to worry, folks. Mah main man Louie Gohmert is so loved in his district that even if he doesn’t run they’ll write him in! BOOM!!!! Take that RINO GOP leadership and commie Mooselimb Dim-ocrats!

  • mardam422

    And after last week that I spent in Egypt….
    This is like when Jeebus spent that time in the desert, I’m guessin’.

  • BaddTicker

    Some of his House colleagues may switch to the pro-holocaust side just to rid themselves of this embarrassment.

  • thirdeblue

    I really hate how Obama makes ignorant dumb-asses look like ignorant dumb-asses. It’s really unfair.

  • VirginiaLady

    Thinking thoughts is harder for some people. That’s why he rides the short bus to work. He just ain’t right.

  • HeywoodJablomey

    I don’t know what he’s bitching about- several True ‘Murrikan Patriots specifically called it a TREATY at Cruz’s rally yesterday.

  • Joe T.

    Is it still a secret that Louie Gohmert is an anagram for Lite Homo Urge?

    • TheBidenator

      I thought that was Ted Haggard…..

  • TheBidenator

    No…no…..NO! NOT LOUIE! ANYONE BUT LOUIE! He’s not allowed to leave Congress, won’t someone please think of the lazy satirists who need plenty of low hanging fruit? If Louie leaves Congress who is going to fill that nether void of thoughts? That veritable black hole in which words and logic enter and are instantly shredded and destroyed? No one, no one can be as convincingly a dullard in a non-hereditary position (that’s right House of Lords, ya’ll are morons) quite like Louie….he must stay!

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Might I make one little suggestion to sweeten the deal, Louie? Can you offer to eat some of their uranium?
    Maybe you don’t actually do it (since uranium tastes terrible without lots of lead-based ketchup) instead, just make a video offering to do it, like a crazy used car salesman who used to say “COME ON, AH’LL EVEN EAT A BUG!”

  • Me not sure

    Captain Gohmerica should simply take his mighty shield, parachute into Iran and dismantle their nuclear program with his bare hands. Problem solved.

  • VandeGraf

    Didn’t the Kingsmen have a song about this guy?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Louie Louie, oh no
      Sayin’ we gotta go, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
      Said Louie Louie, oh baby
      Said we gotta go

      I said we gotta go now
      Let’s take this on outta here
      Let’s go!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Louie and them are mad because we can’t have our way with everyone anymore. They want to ignore the painful lesson we keep learning in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria, and Ukraine. They want to ignore the debt and instigate more pointless military adventures. They’re mad, as in insane.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Does Gohmert make your pee smell?

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  • 3FingerPete

    Gohmert represents East Texas. Remove one Gohmert and another will take his place. It’s the epitome of futility.

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