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A rap on the knuckles for you, young man!

[Peggy Noonan’s thoughts, like her gin, only get better with age, do they not? Enjoy this Noonan classic, from the Wonkette archives of Peggy Noonan Noonaning, for Labor Day.]

Today is Friday and for our sins the Good Lord hath seen fit to deliver unto us further maundering from the pen of Sister Margaret Ellen Noonan, blessed servant of the Order of Thorazine and Gin. Let us gaze upon her works together, so that we might make of ourselves better repositories for her Wisdom.

Two small points on an end-of-summer weekend. One is connected to Labor Day and the meaning of work. It grows out of an observation Mike Huckabee made on his Fox show a few weeks ago. He said that we see joblessness as an economic fact, we talk about the financial implications of widespread high unemployment, and that isn’t wrong but it misses the central point. Joblessness is a personal crisis because work is a spiritual event.

One paragraph in and she’s already quoting Mike Huckabee calling work a spiritual event. This is going to suck.

When you work you serve and take part. To work is to be integrated into the daily life of the nation. There is pride and satisfaction in doing work well, in working with others and learning a discipline or a craft or an art.

And somewhere in Berkley, an old man hears the opening bars of The Internationale in his head and wonders what brought it on.

This is the real reason jobs and employment are the No. 1 issue in America’s domestic life… And may more political leaders come up who can help jobs happen.

No shit, Pegs. Folks on the left have been beating on this drum since, oh, the early 1980s or so. Perhaps if you had been less concerned with slagging on the current president for being an arrogant meanie who personally ruined the once-glorious all-American experience of spending a night in a Marriott at the Pittsburgh airport and more concerned with the spavined-brained cock monkeys in your party who have screamed “NO” at every job-creation measure Obama has proposed for five years while putting forth exactly none of their own (and spare us the screeching about tax cuts, would you Sister?), national unemployment might not have taken so long to drop to the still-ridiculously-high 7.4% number it hit in July.

Anyway, this is point number one in Peggy’s exegesis, and it can be summed up thusly: we need political leaders with a fire in the belly for job creation because Americans are still making awesome things in their garages as they have done since Ben Franklin discovered electricity. Shhh, no one tell Pegs that the number one product being churned out of America’s garage-based laboratories these days is probably meth. God help us all if Peggy Noonan ever gets her withered talons on some meth.

Moving on:

The second point is about a kind of cultural unease in the country that is having an impact on the national mood.

You know what’s coming…

Ronald Reagan (Ed. note: Reagan! Drink!) never thought of himself as a gifted reader of the public mind, but as a person who had a sense of what Americans were thinking because he was thinking it too. That’s a gift, and a happy one to have—the gift of unity with the public you lead. The lack of that quality can be seen in many current political figures, who often, when they speak, seem to be withholding their true thoughts. As if the people wouldn’t like it, or couldn’t handle it.

Reagan was a good man, and part of his leadership was that he thought Americans were good too. He had high respect for what he saw as the American character.

Reagan was a senile old actor who spent his presidency waiting for someone to yell “Cut!” so he could head off to Musso and Frank’s for a couple of pops and an under-the-table blowjob from whichever starlet the maitre d’ brought over along with the dinner menu. His respect for the American character ended at the country club gates. Anyone outside the gates was fair game for his fantasies of young bucks picking up t-bone steaks with food stamps and welfare mothers buying Cadillacs with the country club members’ hard-inherited tax dollars. The man dined out on divisiveness, selling arms to Iran, funding Central American guerillas, and promising to keep the primitive dark-skinned hordes away from your family, all while winking and gobbling jellybeans by the fistful. He was the avuncular, absent-minded uncle with the secret stash of kiddie porn who makes you vaguely uncomfortable at Thanksgiving dinner for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on. But other than that, he was still absolutely terrible.

I’ve been thinking about the big bad stories of the summer, the cultural ones that disturb people […]

We’re shocked. But we’re not shocked. And that itself is disturbing. We’re used to all this, now, this crassness and lowness of public behavior… As if these aren’t separate and discrete crimes and scandals but a daily bubbling up of the national character.

At this point we had to check the byline to make sure we hadn’t wandered into a David Brooks column by mistake. Where ya been, Pegs? Crass and low public behavior has been around since Ben Franklin, the great inventor, was chasing every piece of ass that wandered into his sightline.

Conservatives have been concerned about our culture for at least a quarter-century. Helpful now would be honest liberal voices that speak to our concerns about who we fear we’re becoming. They might find they’re thinking the way the American people are thinking, which is step one in true leadership.

Ah, because liberals aren’t like the American people. Liberals hate Mom and apple pie and will masturbate into American flags until they are too crusty and stiff to ripple proudly in a strong wind. Reagan, though, there was a man to make us all proud, if you ignore the scheming, the lying, the lack of compassion for anyone in a lower tax bracket…

It’s always fun to start a holiday weekend reading the moral scoldings of Sister Margaret Ellen. Thanks, Pegs! We feel like better people already.

[WSJ]

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  • actor212

    The only work you’ve ever done is raising your wrist to your chin with a full highball glass attached, Noons. And if you could hire someone to do that for you, you wouldn’t do any work at all.

    • marxalot

      Crazy straw. Bam. Long weekend earned.

    • r m reddicks

      Are you saying that excretion from various orifices is not work?

      • actor212

        For her?

  • diogenez

    I thought this weekend was intended for one last trip to the Hamptons.

  • Arse Grammatica

    Love these Peggy Noonan posts!
    They put me in a happy place!
    They put me in the mind of, I don’t know, um, I guess: Peggy Noonan.
    (Now maybe I don’t love them as much.)

  • BMW

    Shorter Noonan: “Anyone who doesn’t agree with me isn’t a real American/leader/person.”

    • Nounverb911

      I bet Peggs never disagreed with the Raygun.

  • Joshua Norton

    What I love about their never-ending meme that they need to “take back America” is how they can pretend they didn’t recently have it and crashed the whole thing into a ditch.

    • malsperanza

      This x1000

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      • Hugh Everett

        “monkeys in your party who have screamed “NO” at every job-creation measure Obama has proposed “Democrats took control of Congress way back in 2006, and Harry Reid only relinquished control of the Senate in January. Obama was elected way back in 2008. So how much power do you guys need in order to finally take responsibility for something?The only jobs created by government are FDR alphabet soup ”tree army” stuff.There are 10 million jobs being performed openly by illegal immigrants. What if we enact e-Verify and close the freaking border?There are numerous chemical, plastics, fiber manufacturing units moving from Asia and the Middle East back to the U.S. because we now enjoy inherent advantages in energy and feedstocks (ethane and ethylene) that will last for more than this century thanks to fracking. Instead of sending trillions of dollars abroad in exchange for oil and gas, we now create trillions of dollars in American wealth.So let’s hear some more about Obama’s successful shovel-ready shi infrastructure projects.

        • BattyKitch

          Honey, I think you got on the wrong bus….you aren’t in Kansas anymore. But thanks, I needed a good laugh.

        • Playonwords

          Are you saying “There’s a ni- in the White House – and he ain’t just servin’ the coffee!”?

          It may have escaped your notice but there are 2 parts to Congress, it is a bicameral legislature and no “Bicameral” does not mean 2 cameras. There is the Senate and the House of Representatives and both are required to pass legislation that effects jobs. The Republicans took over the House early in President Obama’s first term and obstructed every piece of legislation they could – unless it was for “moar gunz!”

          Despite this during Obama’s Presidency the US

          has a better healthcare system,
          has less manpower fighting pointless wars,
          has had a constantly declining unemployment rate,
          better prospects for women workers,
          more international respect (as opposed to fear),
          negotiated a treaty lessening the chance of nuclear war with Iran,
          re-invigorated the US motor industry,
          re-established diplomatic relations with Cuba,
          largely eliminated statutory discrimination against gays,
          seen a massive recovery in the stock market,

          and there was something else, errr –
          Oh Yeh! put funding and re-established the priority of the search for Osama bin Laden, something that Bush the dumber had removed – and then authorised the raid that killed OBL.

          • Equs_1776

            Also under Obama, civilian job creation is up, and govt jobs are down, and the govt proportion of the economy is the lowest in many many years.Pretty much what the GOP wants, and they get to bitch about it too. Nice work if you can get it

        • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

          Holy shit. When I walk in here, I EXPECT not to get shit on my shoes, ‘K, moderators? Moderators?!?!?

      • HeywoodJablomey

        But not before raping it sans lube first.

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        • Vienna Woods

          Go play on the highway.

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  • coozledad

    From the first draft:

    Helpful now would be, some Evercleer and tea.
    The winds of help could come in the form of a cultural. Wind. Help.
    Reagan understood the America we celebrate as Reagan.
    We’re fucked. but I’m not fucked. Lord am I not fucked.

    We’re used to all this crassness because we drink all day, and we need a little more in our tumbler DON’T WE MANUEL?

    • SadDemInTex

      I love the first line!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Good thing I’m already drinking this weekend, even while I’m at work.

    • Axomamma

      It is 10:15 on a Saturday morning, and just skimming this makes me want to run in the house and mix a bloody Mary.

      • r m reddicks

        Late riser, eh?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Work. How does it?

  • Nounverb911

    Has Peggs ever confessed to whether Manuel has his green card or not?

  • AnOuthouse

    When was this written? Its about Trump isn’t it? That women is either psychic or a blind squirrel.

    • marxalot

      You misspelled both “psychotic” and “blind drunk.” But it’s the weekend, so don’t worry about it.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “A blind squirrel is right once a day.”

  • eggsacklywright

    I gotcher suppositories of wisdom right here.

  • Lizzietish81

    What would she know of work?

    • Antimassacree

      You think it is easy for her to (nearly) hide her contempt for “the help” at the club? That takes real effort, especially after a few gin infusions.

    • BloviateMe

      The only thing she’s worked, outside of a highball, is Reagan’s shaft. In both regards, she was, and is, a tireless worker.

      • r m reddicks

        In her defense he was old and demented.

      • Playonwords

        Autocorrect is not your friend, it has replaced “an” with “or” in “worker”

  • TheBidenator

    Gotta love Pegs and her egoism don’t you? If liberals would only talk like cultural conservatives do why they’d be speaking America’s language. She does that all the time- take an issue, babble on about how some regular person she met on one of her sojourns from the high rise agrees with some right wing blowhole like Trump add a dash of Reagan rules, liberals droolz, maybe some concern trolling and a shitload of slurry smuggery and boom, you’ve written any Pegs column.

  • TheBidenator

    Sister Peggy of the gracious order of drunken sots seems to always be pondering the eternal question, “why can’t everyone just be like Ronald Reagan?”….I think she needs to maybe try the meth as a chaser.

  • Enfant Terrible

    “Ronald Reagan never thought of himself as a gifted reader of the public mind, but as a person who had a sense of what Americans were thinking because he was thinking it too.”

    Reagan had Alzheimers, for fuck’s sake!

    • Antimassacree

      “My fellow Americans, I know more and more of you are embarrased to be wearing adult diapers to state dinners…”

    • Jeamonn

      The reason other politicians hold back what they are truly thinking is because they don’t have dementia.

      • Tansy Geek

        Or in the case of Mr. Trump, a dimwitted megalomaniac whose every utterance is wisdom for the ages because he said it.

        • Jared James

          As the people he hired to tell him his every utterance is wisdom for the ages because he said it assure him, and often, because they have to.

    • He also trade missiles to Iran in exchange for them keeping our hostages prisoner until after the 1980 elections.

      https://consortiumnews.com/2013/06/08/second-thoughts-on-october-surprise/
      ~

    • Amy!

      See? This just proves her point!

  • Lizzietish81

    You know a real communist government, like China, would send her to work in the fields so she could get a taste of real work.

    • Enfant Terrible

      They’d also make her wear a dunce cap and denounce herself to her peers. That might kind of fun to watch.

    • glasspusher

      …if not the smell of it

  • TheBidenator

    Mike Huckabee lecturing people on work is as hilarious as Donald Trump lecturing people on modesty…uh, Huck before you were elected to office you were a bibble thumpin’ preacher. After you were elected to office you didn’t do much and now your ‘work’ consists of going on teevee and hewing as closely as you can to George Wallace’s ’68 campaign without dropping the n-bomb. In short, you’ve never worked a real day in your life asshole.

    • coozledad

      It ain’t easy teaching your neighbors how to cover up for old sisterfinger, or keeping your own boy from beatin’ pets to death. Add trying to get the infirm and incapacitated to leave their money to your Jesus grift, and you’re ready to call it a day.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hucksterbee has always been a parasite.

  • At this point we had to check the byline to make sure we hadn’t wandered into a David Brooks column by mistake.

    http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/slow_clap_citizen_kane.gif
    ~

  • Jeamonn

    How much longer do we have to deal with Peggy and her verbal necrophilia of Reagan? He’s fucking dead Peggy and he is never coming back.

    • Biff52

      The thing is, all his folksiness came straight from Peggington’s pen. She is reagan, basically.

      • Jeamonn

        I retract the necrophilia remark because, ew gross and replace it with necromancy. Maybe she is a horcrux for Reagan’s soul.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I just had a terrible thought. What if all the things renamed for Reagan are horcruxes for him. That’s a lot of buildings to have to burn down.

          • Jeamonn

            Yeah…my bad, I didn’t think it through. Reagan didn’t have a soul. So I don’t think we have to worry. Bad theory on my part.

          • marxalot

            And a highway or two to tear up, and an aircraft carrier to decommission…

          • stevola

            There can only be seven. But which seven? You’re right, burn ’em all.

          • H0mer0

            Aw! but I hate going to Dulles and getting lost in the parking lot!

          • Celtic_Gnome

            There’s no limit on the number of horcruxes you can have except that someone has to die to create a horcrux. Reagan has more than enough of those.

        • Biff52

          Instead of your comment “He’s fucking dead Peggy…” should actually be “She’s fucking dead Ronnie”, because she’s been fellating his corpse since before it was an actual corpse.

          • Hutch

            Yesh. This image isn’t going to help your weekend boner.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I bought her first book way back when, because the NYT profile of her excerpted the only parts that were even mildly critical of him and heavily implied the rest of the book was the same. Needless to say, that was a thorougly regrettable purchase. Somebody at the times owed her a favor, I guess. I shudder to think why.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Probably some interesting photos.

    • Playonwords

      Sounds like a necrophilia twofer – He’s fucking dead Peggy could easily be read as the long deceased President Reagan is fucking the walking dead Peggy Noonan

      • Boscoe

        LOL That’s exactly how I read it! DUnno what that says about me… but in my defense, I *did* just finish watching the second episode of Fear the Walking Dead…

  • Biff52

    And there went my holiday weekend boner…

    • Enfant Terrible

      Ha! You’re lucky you get one at all!

  • in the name of the moon

    I saw her doppelgänger at the bank the other day. I know it was not her because 1) I live in the sticks and 2) she was operating a motor vehicle–a low brow non Escalade SUV, no less

    • Jeamonn

      sober?

  • malsperanza

    “…the gift of unity with the public you lead.”

    Well at least she was honest enough to acknowledge that Reagan only ever sought to serve one small sector of America – the oldest, whitest, most conservative sector. Nice of the Pegster to recognize that the rest of us were not even on the radar.

    ETA: “…Conservatives have been concerned about our culture for at least a quarter-century.”

    Again, refreshing honesty here: the culture of conservatives should cause every decent person concern.

    • Biff52

      Radar? Like the ones formerly used by PATCO? Hah!

      • stevola

        Well, it is a Labor Day article.

    • glasspusher

      So, if he hadn’t been a B actor and ended up doing stuff for General Electric to pay the bills, he would have turned out a proper commie like the rest of the SAG?

      I think if Attila the Hun had worked at GE at the time, he would have been derided as a liberal.

      • Doug Langley

        Don’t joke about it. Reagan was a “friendly witness” (translate: throw his co-workers to the wolves) at the HUAC.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The oldest, whitest, most conservative sector defending their inherited, not earned, privilege with the lives of minions and stooges.

    • Zyxomma

      Not the oldest. If my mother hadn’t retired when she did, she would have had to work till she dropped dead.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Helpful now would be honest liberal voices that speak to our concerns about who we fear we’re becoming.”

    Ugh. Someone tell Sister Peggy that, to cite one example, stating that crime is tied to the absence of fathers, but only for black people, does not mean that liberals are obligated to respond as conservatives.

    • Boscoe

      Don’t take that quote too seriously, Noonz is clearly just trolling. Since all the things that conservatives consider “leadership qualities” are at best assholish and ignorant, and at worst sociopathic and evil, the only way a Liberal could ever live up to conservative standards of “leadership” would be for them to become a conservative.

      But the really enlightening thing she says is the bit about “leaders” assuming whatever twisted shit they think *must* be what all of America is thinking too. That’s the classic psychosis sociopaths have where they believe everyone else is just as foul as THEY are.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Nooners is an example to all of us…if you sell out completely enough, soon enough, you can support yourself without ever having to stop drinking.

    • Boscoe

      In her case, I consider alcohol a performance enhancing drug.

  • Paperless Tiger

    My idea would be less work for more money. As a model, the upper classes seem to do quite well that way. By contrast, the lower classes, doing far more for far less, seem to be in decline because of it.

    • Vecciojohn

      You liberals just can’t comprehend economic reality. The main trouble with the economy is that poor people have too much money and rich people don’t have enough. If the poor don’t learn to work harder for less there will be nothing to trickle down. And then where will you be!?

  • BloviateMe

    I thought I read somewhere that unemployment hit double digits under Reagan’s watch. Must have been B.Hussein rewriting history, I guess. Thanks Obama.

    • Boscoe

      I’m sure it was all Jimmy Carter’s fault. Just like the way Clinton took credit for HW Bush’s economy and somehow screwed it all up *just right* so that it collapsed under Dubya, who clearly had it all under control before the socialist Kenyan showed up and messed it all up again.

      It’s amazing how nothing that happens on a Republican’s watch is ever his fault, but anything good that happens on a Democrat’s watch is just undeserved credit for Republican successes.

      I’m still convinced the day will come when conservatism will be diagnosed as a mental illness…

      • Vecciojohn

        I think it is just an evolutionary strategy that is doomed to fail in the post-industrial world. Of course, it may drag the rest of us down with it . . .

      • cmd

        DSM 6

  • marxalot

    Never understood the contention that there are, in America, two distinct sets: Americans and liberals. I keep looking at my birth certificate and it doesn’t say anything that would indicate a different nationality or citizenship. Weird.

    • toughsister

      Real Americans are Fox News watchers and believers.

      • glasspusher

        I guess Real Americians live in the Pro-Americia parts of Americia, because nobody around here watches Fox.

    • Vecciojohn

      American = white and don’t get what all th’ coloreds are always bitchin’ about.
      Liberal = always eggin’ the coloreds on.

      • data_ninja

        I switch it up at Easter time by colorin’ the white eggs.

  • Anarchy Pony

    Mike Huckabee’s god invented work as a punishment.

    • marxalot

      An’ we been payin’ for it ever since.

    • bozilingus

      God did invent childbirth, which is “labor”.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Yes, but prior to original sin, in Eden, the concept of work was essentially nonexistent(If you put stock in such notions).

  • SadDemInTex

    Reagan was a senile old actor who spent his presidency waiting for someone to yell “Cut!” so he could head off to Musso and Frank’s for a couple of pops and an under-the-table blowjob from whichever starlet the maitre d’ brought over along with the dinner menu. His respect for the American character ended at the country club gates. Anyone outside the gates was fair game for his fantasies of young bucks picking up t-bone steaks with food stamps and welfare mothers buying Cadillacs with the country club members’ hard-inherited tax dollars. The man dined out on divisiveness, selling arms to Iran, funding Central American guerillas, and promising to keep the primitive dark-skinned hordes away from your family, all while winking and gobbling jellybeans by the fistful. He was the avuncular, absent-minded uncle with the secret stash of kiddie porn who makes you vaguely uncomfortable at Thanksgiving dinner for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on. But other than that, he was still absolutely terrible.”
    Read more at http://wonkette.com/593678/dame-peggington-noonington-explains-work-to-the-little-people#mWPzqso4R32wOO0G.99

    I love this paragraph SO much I want to make it my avatar. Gary, you have totally caught the true essence of that motherfucker (who I hope is rotting in hell…except that I don’t believe in hell…damn).

    • stevola

      Almost makes you want to believe, doesn’t it? (I said almost!)
      And that last line is the best.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      with the country club members’ hard-inherited tax dollars

      THIS. Right here. In bold. This is what this is about. All this talk about “work” is bullshit. It’s about parasites who made the right choice of a uterus to fall out of. The opposite of what this country is SUPPOSED to be all about.

  • Bill Slider

    I thought Donald Trump invented electricity while he was in college reading the Bible.

  • Hutch

    “To work is to be integrated into the daily life of the nation.” What total crappeth.

    Thus the minimum wage burger flipper, bellhop, bar maid, bank teller, and bagger doth turn the dross of their lives into the gold of good neighborship.

    Hooey of the first water.

    • Boscoe

      Actually it *would* be true if the people Noonz swoons over weren’t tirelessly ensuring that all those burger flippers were left to their own recourse when they get sick or get old or, you know, want to be able to actually afford basic sub-human living expenses with the fruits of said burger flipping. But as we well know, it’s not enough that sociopaths should succeed, others must fail.

      • Hutch

        It *was* true when I was a kid (and apparently whatever dreamland Nooners inhabits), but today, thanks to our zero sum game (as you say), it’s hooey.

        • r m reddicks

          Nah, we were commodity and surplus value even when I was a kid. Sooner new workers know that the sooner they get to make informed and actual choices.

          • Hutch

            How old are you? And where are you from? I lived at the end of the golden age in Oregon. Where ideals were sort of real. I remember. That’s why we olds are so upset. You’re more my son’s age.

            Sam? Is that you?

          • r m reddicks

            Dad???? Was your son buying 20 cents a gallon gasoline? Or pumping the same?

  • cousin itt

    “Ronald Reagan never thought”

    Anything more is heresay, really.

    • toughsister

      Hearsay, really.

      • cousin itt

        I blame Obama and the 4 liter box of Noonington Farms berry burgundy I had for dinner.

        • r m reddicks

          That was your problem. In the future, stick to gin.

      • bozilingus

        Heresy

        • Doug Langley

          Heresy of thought. And heresy of word. Wait, two heresies. Heresy of thought, heresy of word, and heresy of deed. Wait, THREE heresies. Heresy of thought, heresy of word, heresy of deed . . .

  • coozledad

    He had high respect for what he thought he saw was the American character.

    http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee241/photobastard/RaygunLawnJockey.jpg

    • Biff52

      How cute, he had Bonzo stuffed!

      Wait, that’s not Bonzo?

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

        No that’s Bonzo – pretty sure.

    • marxalot

      Jesus, that t-shirt tanline.

      • Amy!

        Think that’s a tan? I dunno. That’s what I thought at first, too, but usually face and arms are closer to the same tone, and he’s definitely a paleface there.

        My new theory is that he didn’t get all the blood from murdered poorz washed off. He’s got a sort of murdering-one’s-lessers smile, there, anyway, right?

        I haven’t figured out what those growths on his wrists are, though.

    • toomanyrappers

      “It was a different time.”

      …and other bullshit baby boomers say! ;)

  • Mary

    Peggy Noonan must know where Murdoch buried a lot of bodies. There’s no other explanation for this lady to still have a job at the WSJ.

  • AnnieW

    Did she ask her good friend at the deli, Jose? or was it Jorge? about this mystical experience called work?

    • CripesAmighty

      Jesus (the gardener).

  • CripesAmighty

    Why, yes, Dame Peggerthorpe, the connoseurs of Honey Boo Boo, Dumth Dynasty, the coronation of Donald Dump and other soaring touchstones are vaporously concerned about the crass coarsening of culture.

  • CrankyLiberal

    Remind me again just exactly what work this person, Nooner, performs?

    • CripesAmighty

      Bell ringer.

    • jviscont1

      she is Manuel, the houseboy’s, handler.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Manuel Laborer?

    • Boscoe

      Gin disposal technician?

    • r m reddicks

      I think she has a hotel in Mexico.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjUpv8tkvKM

  • stevola

    Wait a minute, Reagan had tons of compassion for people that he put into a lower tax bracket!

    Oh…I see what you meant…

  • Callyson

    work is a spiritual event

    Well, that’s true enough. I know I usually pray for the fucking shift to end already when I have to do floor shifts at the gym…

    http://reactiongif.org/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/10/Oh-dear-god-GIF.gif

  • Callyson

    There is pride and satisfaction in being paid a living wage, in working with employers who understand what work/life balance means and having a job that does more than increase the bottom line of soulless investors.

    /fixed
    /FFS

    • CripesAmighty

      There is pride and satisfaction in…
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=crPl0ITIkS0
      (Wonkette not allowed)
      …soulless investors

    • SnarkOff

      Do you happen to know where I might find such a job?

      • marxalot

        Canada?

        • Vienna Woods

          Don’t count on it.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        The Republican lecture circuit. It’s highly lucrative and you can be a babbling idiot who is completely divorced from reality. See: Palin, Sarah or Huckabee, Mike.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Or the Jesus circuit. There is some overlap.

        • H0mer0

          you fuhrgot the Newt.

  • Callyson

    Perhaps if you had been less concerned with slagging on the current president for being an arrogant meanie who personally ruined the once-glorious all-American experience of spending a night in a Marriott at the Pittsburgh airport

    Wait, this woman infested my hometown with her presence? FFS, Pittsburgh has enough problems without adding Peggy Noonan to them…

    https://31.media.tumblr.com/c6281f9a7ab6bff552d2522cec4012e0/tumblr_inline_n0ldddLtA51rg0g8s.gif

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      The Pittsburghairport is the Best. Exellent shopping.

  • Bren
  • SnarkOff

    Here is what makes our country great: Peggy will suffer with feelings of hopelessness and despair during her three-day weekend of sloth, while her buddy at the deli, Cesar, is probably working there right now, having a spiritual moment, taking pride and satisfaction in his craft, and contributing to society, while making $3.10 an hour, plus tips. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

    • Shibusa

      Render to Cesar the things that are Cesar’s, and to Koch the things that are Kochs’s.

      • Vecciojohn

        I’d suggest rendering unto the Cesars of the world the heads of the Koch boys for starters, but of course *leans into camouflaged mic* that would be wrong. Wrong, I say.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I do not want any Koch Head cheese. Just stating that right now.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            You read my mind, but Cesar would probably cook Barbacoa (very different from BBQ).

          • HeywoodJablomey

            That made me LOL.
            Then it made me retch.

  • Miki

    Unemployment rate was 5.3% in July, not 7.4%. It’s down to 5.1% in August. Yes, it did take a long time to drop down to that level, but it’s not really elevated at the moment.

    • marxalot

      Original date of publication for both the nooner and this, er, critical response, was 2013. Everybody’s on vacation, so we get re runs.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        Thank you for this explanation, because I was wondering how the author didn’t know unemployment was at 5.1% in SPITE of Republicans trying to keep Obama from doing anything for the economy.

        • marxalot

          Yeah, you gotta check the header for the link.

      • Spotts1701

        Though really, if someone swapped in the correct number she probably could pass it off as “new” work. After all, her regular columns are about as modern as an AMC Pacer.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I’ve had sex in the back of an AMC Pacer. Of course, my girlfriend and I were both a bit on the short side.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s a Golden Oldie! As I noted, once you update the numbers, the rest is evergreen.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          And it’s just as condescending, delusional, and galling a piece of tripe as it was two years ago.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Desi Arnaz came up wiih the concept of the re-run. I think that was the original reason for the Cuban embargo.

        • Zippy

          not to mention the missile crisis

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Those BLS statistics are campaign gold. Straight-line decrease since Obama’s 2nd year in office, after the Bush recession. The Dems should make that chart a meme, button, and bumper sticker.

      • pstockholm

        If Dems could learn how to make a meme, button or bumper sticker out of charts, then finally maybe we could have nice things. Of course that assumes that there are people out there susceptible to charts or the points they make that don’t already vote Democratic.

  • texasace00

    Reagan was such a crazy old prick, no doubt guided by the voices in his head, one being Nancy yelling ‘Your moon is in Ares, good time to lower taxes!” It’s hard to pick the one good fuck-up, there’s so many, but my vote goes to the millions of dead AIDS sufferers, thanks Ron.

    • Grokenstein

      For me, it’s this quote that crystallizes the utter callousness of The Great Communicator: “We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.” Man, I hope he’s burning right now.

    • Doug Langley

      There was a comic strip in the late 80’s called Phoebe’s Place. It didn’t run long, came and went like Halley’s comet. Here’s one I remember:

      “So you were Reagan’s astrologer? Well, I guess that explains Iran/Contra . . .”
      “Hey! I just happened to write my reading on a Denny’s menu. And with Reagan’s hearing problem . . .”

      (cut to Nancy & Ron)
      “Ham or sausages . . .”
      “ARMS FOR HOSTAGES!!!”

      • bobbert

        “And for your vegetable?”

        • Doug Langley

          Radiation leek soup?

  • kaw143

    Something something SAGGY JEANS! Mumble fart CUSSES ON THE STREET! Only work can stop this shocking trend towards self expression.

  • Callyson

    Helpful now would be honest liberal voices that speak to our concerns about who we fear we’re becoming.

    Yes, and thank God we have someone who fits that bill…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Don’t you just love Die Noonerinnen’s sentence construction? “Helpful now would be…” indeed. It could not be more piss-elegant if it were delivered by Edna May Oliver playing Lady Catherine de Bourgh

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I thought she was trying out for Yoda in the new Star Wars?
        No?

      • HeywoodJablomey

        It reads much better from the lofty heights of one’s ivory tower.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Does it not, just?

      • Equs_1776

        ‘Ask not how helpful it would be . . ‘

      • bobbert

        Interestingly, it would read more naturally in the original German.

  • Vegan and Tiara

    Fun facts about Reagan: He didn’t have any friends. His kids didn’t like him. His second wife gave the best blow jobs in Hollywood. He had access to anything in the world while POTUS and he chose to eat dinner in front of the TV every night (folksy!). He wasn’t all that popular when he was in office, but Norquist made him seem like a god after he left office. Unemployment averaged 7% when he was in office. Peggy Noonan still has a hard on for that old bastard.

    • Biff52

      Fucking reagan Rehab has done as much damage to our country than the lousy actor did in office.

    • H0mer0

      the fun fact about Nancy’s talent for fellatio (or is that “fun fellatio fact”?) has been known among the Wonketariat for yearz.

      • Vegan and Tiara

        I should have known a crowd known for a love of dick jokes would be privy to this closely guarded Hollyweird secret.

        • H0mer0

          one might say the wonketariat are the Jungian “collective unconscious” for all things penile, (or “wanketariat” for whom the fu shits)

  • Vegan and Tiara

    You know who else thought work would set you free?

    • Hutch

      Walmart, with their fun Arbeit macht frei posters.

      • H0mer0

        “I hate [Arkansas] Nazis!”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Pharaoh in the Bible?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Kim Davis? No, wait, she thinks not working sets you free.

      • r m reddicks

        Conservative judge seems to be offering an attitude adjustment.

    • bozilingus

      My mortgage holder?

    • janecita

      The Nazis? Those motherfuckers had a twisted sense of humor.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Janecita, now you know better than to give the obvious (and of course correct) answer!

        • janecita

          Though to be fair, the right answer is always Hitler. Here is another, less obvious, answer; My mother, when I turned 16;-)

    • Lizzietish81

      The Puritans

    • Doug Langley

      A few bosses I’ve had?

      • Vegan and Tiara

        EVERY boss I’ve ever had.

        • Doug Langley

          You poor thing.

          • Vegan and Tiara

            There’s a reason I started my own business. :-)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If work is a spiritual event, then all swearing, sweating, and hammer-tossing I was doing earlier today makes me think I’m doing it wrong.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Ah, nothing changes about Noonsie from year to year except the blood alcohol reading on any given day. Change five years to seven years and 7.4% to 5.3% (5.1% in August) and this column is as good as brand new.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    “Let me tell you about work” Peggy said, showing her open palm to the servant to indicate the gin was finished pouring, as the last few droplets were tinkling into the tumbler. As far as anyone could tell, this was the only omen that signaled the “end of a drink”.

    “Now, one part vermouth, and add ice”.

    “Stop fucking adding ice”.

    The lady motioned with her finger to indicate her lips were ready to consume the prepared substance. The sound of solid ice cracking on human teeth interrupted a swelling joy. “TRASH” she screamed. “DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING”? “WRONG GLASS”. she screamed, throwing the tumbler through the 35th story Park Avenue window, straight down to the base and hopeless ground below. “Start fucking over” she said, for the fifth time. “This”, she said, “is what WORK is”.

    • r m reddicks

      Well, in her defense she doesn’t do the throwing til the tonsil tossing’s done.

    • janecita

      Poor Manuel, I weep for him:-(

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The crap Manuel puts up with for $2.50 an hour, plus the non-existent tips.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          But he’ll be voting for TRUMP because the Hispanics, they LOVE him.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            There is a subset on the fence consisting of those Hispanics who’ve had the shit kicked out of them by Trump supporters and bodyguards.

        • Vienna Woods

          When he could, apparently, be making $98!

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

        I was trying to drum up sympathy for the poor glass.

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p
    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p
  • toomanyrappers
  • geoffalnutt

    Can you imagine old Noonsy on meth? She’d be jiggling the ice in her empty HighBall glass so furiously windows would rattle in New Jersey. She wouldn’t be able to write her column, but the garage would be wallpapered….and her hair…the most interesting topiary.

  • BloviateMe

    Reaganomics.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      To quote Homer Simpson, “It’s funny because it’s true.”

    • Hollyinla

      Wondering if Dame Peggington was serving ( sipping ) the gin in the servants quarters.

  • Grokenstein

    Daaaaaaamn, that was savage, particularly the description of President Jellybean Naptime Cowboy. Beautiful work.

  • JohnE_o

    I’m spending this weekend building my house – a project I’ve been working on for a year now, so Dame Peggy can kiss my sweaty spiritual nutsack.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The shitty grade Z movie star was NOT “a good man”. Get that absurd notion out of your gin-embalmed alledged brain, Nooners. He was a vile sack of spiteful shit.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      Remember when he ignored AIDS? Squandered billions on Star Wars? Tripled the national debt? He was a real fiscal conservative and humanitarian that one was.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Well, if the Founding Fathers had been Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, and Billy Graham, perhaps.

          • Zippy

            Well, Reagan was right, assuming you believe our founding fathers were a bunch of vicious nun murdering RW savages who flooded the US with crack cocaine in order to pay for their genocide and illegal overthrow of a democratically elected government. I mean, if you squint just right and ignore the piles of dead bodies and economic devastation you can certainly see the resemblance…

        • doktorzoom

          Point of order! I hate to be That Guy (I’m lying — I LOVE to be That Guy), but that quote wasn’t about the mujahadin — it was Reagan’s line about the Nicaraguan Contras.

          • HeywoodJablomey

            Thanks for clarifying, Dok, and saving me a google search. That he said that about the Contra rebels make more sense; in Afghanistan we were arming the mujahidin to fight commies.
            *sigh* Another US move that helped to create the fucking mess in the ME that we’re still dealing with.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If muslims had saints, the Iranians would have shrines to him.

      • … Shi’ite Muslims DO have saints. That’s one reasons Sunni extremists hate them and bulldoze the saints’ shrines if they happen to take over.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And which flavor are the Iranians, again?
          I’ll have to check the scorecard.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Shi’ites. The Sunni extremists are pretty much of like mind as our fundigelicals. Only the veneer of their myth systems distinquishes them

          • It might help to think of Shi’ites as “Catholic” Muslims, what with the veneration of saints, various extra rituals that the Sunni/Protestants consider heretical, a hierarchy of Ayatollahs (cardinals/popes), and a weird BDSM self-flagellation element.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Best analogy ever. I will use this.

  • JustPixelz

    “When you work you serve and take part. To work is to be integrated into the daily life of the nation.”

    Lookin’ at you retirees. GET BACK TO WORK!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m looking at trust fund babies, myself.

  • Incoming Ham

    One for my baby, one more for the road…

  • JustPixelz

    “When you work you serve and take part. To work is to be integrated into the daily life of the nation.”

    Women are only 77% integrated into the daily life of the nation.

    • bozilingus

      Work makes you free…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or, if not free, at a 23% discount.

        • bozilingus

          Doesn’t everyone (especially women) love to save?

          • Doug Langley

            “Attention, Auschwitz shoppers. blue light special in building 8 . . .”

  • Suzan McQueen

    Hearing about the sanctity of work from a person who doesn’t really work is like having a room full of old men tell women what they can and can’t do with their bodies. If you don’t have a minimum wage job or a vagina, remove yourself from the conversation.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Right on, as we used to say back in the 60’s!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        We used to say that back in the 80’s and 90’s too. Or maybe that was just me being hip and cool.

    • Vegan and Tiara

      As long as we’re doing analogies, it’s also like having a woman who’s been married four times tell you you’re going to make a mockery out of her marriages by getting gay married.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Pretty much the equivalent of at the sentencing for murdering your parents, asking the judge to show mercy because you’re an orphan.

        • H0mer0

          that was how my goy dad understood “chutzpah” to be (my dad had a lot of Jewish colleagues since he did science well also too and learned a lot of Yiddish while doing so.)

        • Hollyinla

          These comments are brilliantly funny, but I had to sign in to let you know that I think yours is yoogely brilliantly funny.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          A guy I worked with got into a drunken fight with his wife. After she went to bed, he doused it with a can of gasoline from the garage and lit the match. From prison, he petitioned the judge for emergency probation so he could take care of his wife, who’d been burned in a horrible accident.

  • Vecciojohn

    Helpful now would be the journalistic death penalty for anyone whosoever should pen such a dreary pomposity as one beginning “Helpful now would be.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She’s trying for a Yoda vibe, and failing in spectacular fashion.

  • mush57

    I used to say that Reagan was everybody’s Uncle George. You knew he wasn’t all there, but he smiled a lot and told funny stories. You couldn’t hate him even though you wouldn’t leave him alone with the kids.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Oh, I dunno. I did rather well in the hating department.

      • mush57

        I wanted to hate him but I couldn’t. Then, for most of his second term you knew he had Alzheimers but nobody would mention it.

        • Doug Langley

          Some people figured it out in his first term.

          • mush57

            There was a scene where a reporter asked him what he was going to do about something. He just stared blankly. The reporter repeated the question. He stares blankly. Nancy whispered “We’re doing the best we can” into his ear. He said “We’re doing the best we can” and the reporters said, “Thank you Mr. President” My brother died of Alzheimers, and I had seen that same stare from him.

        • Biff52

          He was my governor. Hate came easy.
          Nevar forgit!

          • Zippy

            that bastard tried to singlehandedly destroy the entire CA school system, as well as half the students in it

          • HeywoodJablomey

            Let’s not forget his gift to PATCO, and its lasting legacy for unions.

          • Zippy

            Reagan seriously ratfucked PATCO. He had actually reached out to them in 1980 and promised to help them with their upcoming negotiations in return for their endorsement. Labor unions were still politically potent in those days and the GOP had been courting PATCO since Nixon. The air traffic controllers were mostly ex military and socially conservative and the GOP viewed them as their best chance to make inroads into organized labor.

            But Saint Ronnie broke his promise and fucked them in the ass once he was elected and that set the tone for the systematic destruction of organized labor for the next three decades. The private sector took one look at that and went to town on unions. The police unions now play the role of PATCO, given that cops also tend to be socially conservative, authoritarian ex military. And they’re too fucking stupid to learn from history and recognize that the GOP

          • Zyxomma

            He didn’t INTEND to fuck PATCO. The USPS was threatening to strike, and Ronnie Raygun wanted to show them that he could TOO bust a federal union (mommy, of blessed memory, worked for the post office; I had the inside skinny).

          • Zippy

            I dunno. I’m sure that played a big part in it, but PATCO had switched national presidents at that point to one more inclined to push hard and strike if necessary and Ronnie wanted to teach them a lesson. You are right that PATCO was easier to break than USPS would have been, but Reagan was a ratfucker and I’m sure he would have done it regardless of the USPS

          • cousin itt

            Extra upfist.

          • HeywoodJablomey

            He did indeed, but didn’t deliver.
            The history behind the formation of PATCO is interesting to me. It really was crucial that ATCs organized, as the conditions they were working under were pretty chaotic and hellish, with practically no support from the FAA. After forming in ’68 (I think) as a professional organization (with the help of F. Lee Bailey), they first ran into trouble when they decided to actually implement FAA safety measures that they’d previously routinely been instructed to ignore as commercial air travel began to take off, as it were. That pissed off the FAA, and about a year later the Civil Service Commission ruled that PATCO was no longer a professional organization, but a union – just a coincidence, I’m sure the FAA had nothing to do with it. Controllers continued to be overworked and facilities understaffed. That was all she wrote.
            I have family that were ATCs, and one subsequently went to work for the FAA in 2005. For the first several years on the job, he spent most of his time setting up LANs (!!!) for the USAF; he often complained how horrendously out of date and shitty the systems and equipment were. It surprised me, as I would have thought the military had the newest and best in technology, ya know? Too many $$$ spent financing war, none to spare for domestic infrastructure, I guess.
            /LOL the alcohol is making me ramble.

          • Biff52

            I grudgingly give him credit for only two things in his too long miserable existence: Helping spare my favorite wilderness from a trans-Sierra highway, and imposing tariffs on large displacement foreign motorcycles, giving Harley-Davidson a bit of breathing room. Other than those, fuck that guy.

          • Pat_Pending

            When you run out of birdshot, use buckshot.

      • Vienna Woods

        Not only did I hate Reagan, but his north-of-the-border butt buddy Mulroney. How sad is it that even Mulroney is now criticising our current Dear Leader Stephen Harper for being a total piece of shit?http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2014/09/04/brian_mulroney_gives_stephen_harper_piece_of_his_mind.html
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJqehECa2VY&t=0m30s

      • Zippy

        I had no problem at all hating that senile old fuck. We’re still suffering from his bullshit decades later

        • cousin itt

          He was the ultimate enabler.

    • H0mer0

      Do you think it’s alright, to leave the boy with Uncle [Ronnie]…?

      • doktorzoom

        Down with the tax rates

        Up with the lobbyists

        Fiddle about, fiddle about, fiddle about….

        • Zippy

          that would make HW cousin Kevin…

    • cousin itt

      For my feelings, hate is too nice a word.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    “The second point is about a kind of cultural unease in the country that is having an impact on the national mood.”

    Cultural unease…having an impact…national mood: A Peggy Noonan hat-trick of bullshit, as she waves her ultra-sensitive antennae and interprets subtle changes in the Force. Take any of her columns, re-format it into line-by-line stanzas, and behold: the worst poem ever written by the world’s worst high school poetess.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Cultural unease. That condition the occurs when the gin bottles go dry! Manuel! What happened? Are there no package stores open on Labor Day?

  • Zhu Bajie

    Any “I Blew Ronald Reagan” memoirs out there?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “My Life and Times”, by Nancy Reagan’s ghostwriter.

      • Hutch

        “My Gulp and Gack.,” by Peggy Noonan.

    • George

      If you read between the lines a little, there’s one in the Noonan article linked to in this post.

    • Biff52

      Probably why she developed a taste for gin.

  • Treg Brown

    Reagan you say?
    Needs moar horoscope readings.

    • Enfant Terrible

      For anyone who wants to dive into the rabbit hole of Reagan memories – the obituary of Nancy Reagan’s astrologer:

      http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Joan-Quigley-astrologer-who-advised-the-Reagans-5843140.php

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Robert Heinlein’s Stranger In A Strange Land, written in 1961, featured an avuncular, folksy leader of the world government who was totally clueless while his wife, the true power behind the throne, ran the show by consulting astrologers. I wonder if he thought that might be too over the top even for speculative fiction?

        The book also featured a money-grubbing televangelist.

        • bozilingus

          Always wondered if Heinlein would have been more progressive or more libertarian with the passage of time. If he could have seen how technology is changing us for the better (IMHO), would those governing the US have him as a supporter of Democrats or Tea-party Republicans?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Better suppositories for her Wisdom?

  • Stephen Beard

    Well, shut, I know I always feel better after a lecture from the Noonerator. Because I realize that there, but for the grace of dog, go I.

  • Iam Reading

    Who the F7ck is this noonan and why should I care?

    • good point.

      (you’re probably under 75.)

      • Hutch

        I am much younger than 75, but I’ve read this Noonan woman. Pray thou knowest.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Have you seen Arrested Development? She’s like if Lucille Bluth was allowed to write articles for a major national publication.

  • Iam Reading

    Oh boy. So the Wikipedia indicates she writes propaganda and for the wall street journal (redundant?). That’s why I never heard of her. Don’t expose myself to that garbage. Very sad to see that my Alma matter gave her an honorable doctorate. That ends my alumni contributions to Miami University

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She was one of the shitty grade Z movie star’s script writers for his greatest role.

      • Glock H. Palin, Esq.

        Nooners wrote Bedtime For Bonzo?

        • cousin itt

          And the blockbuster, “Public Drunkenness in Three Easy Fifths”.

  • NanBullenshede

    The Re-encounter of the tale of the Elderly Virgin Saint Margaret the Holy Nooner and the Squalor of the Mormonite Hostel in Pittsburgh to which King Barack reduced her to Bemoaning her Dingy Carpet moveth me to observe that there be no Magickal Substance to erase the Fetor of Neep-Mouldie Dingy Carpet, Nay, not even if be Plucked Out.

  • gregalan

    Bravo, Gary. A lovely performance.

  • idiotboy

    I hated that motherfucker Reagan, why not. He was totally hateable.

    • Enfant Terrible

      “It’s just too bad we can’t have an epidemic of botulism.” — Governor Saint Ronnie, in response to demands from the Symbionese Liberation Army to distribute food to the poor.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I still hate his sorry ass. Fuck him.

  • Beowoof14

    Hey Pegs would recommend going to China or India to find one of these jobs you speak of ?

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Her thoughts are as transparent as her gin.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Vodka libelz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!,11!1,!1,11!!

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I guess I couldn’t see an old Cold Warrior drinking Vodka, or Rum for that matter. Damn commies, tempting us with excellent clear liquors.

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      Her thoughts even smell like juniper, even.

  • you know i actually agree with a very small part of this: for me at least, work is spiritually important (i think i have the puritan gene deficiency).

    however, my work is my capital. i expect just rewards for my work. and peggy darling the system you believe in does not allocate just rewards for any of my work (i work in approximately 4 different fields btw).

    the system you believe in allocates capital for people like you who have not held a serious job in 45 years. the system you believe in rewards risky behavior that is mostly a risk for people like me whose work is their capital. the system you believe in (much like the ‘meritocracy’ of china) rewards scions who are connected rather than people whose work is their capital.

    (of the many many people running for president that fit this bill, let’s just look at one donald j trump).

    and btw: you have absolutely no idea what work means.

    love,
    the dizzy children of wonkette (and wonkette, you can look that up. she said that about us back in medieval…)

    • natoslug

      I don’t mind working, but I do not work at something I love. If I didn’t have to worry about starving, losing my home, or any of the other things that my job currently brings me, I’d be doing several other things poorly, but with love. I very much enjoy gardening and taking almost in focus photographs, for example.

      • Hutch

        Marry me and have my babies!

        Seriously. Nicely said.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      you know i actually agree with a very small part of this: for me at least, work is spiritually important (i think i have the puritan gene deficiency)<

      I think we are genetically engineered, as a result of millenia of evolution to work because if we don’t we die and can’t reproduce.

      The work can be rewarding or degrading but we do it.

      Noonzie did not recognize when she wrote this pathetic screed that her work was degrading and she still doesn’t know it but as long as Manuel keeps the drinks coming, what cares she?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Telling Americans what good people they are is what politicians do. All politicians, at every point on the political scale. How typical that Noonan thinks the practice began and ended with Reagan.

    • Walter Wellstone

      This is the shit that makes me mad about conservatives. Their worldview hinges on the fantasy that we are good people, that we can do no wrong and that we’re better than everyone else on this planet. If they think this moronic view of the American people helps they’re sadly mistaken because the more people believe this shit the less willing they are to take responsibility for what our country does around the world.

      We’re no better than anyone else. We’re as petty, greedy, lazy, fat, smelly, selfish and cruel as any European, Latin American, African or Asian. We’re as compassionate, selfless, loving, caring, brave, heroic, ethical, and kindhearted as anyone from those very same places. In short, we’re human.

      Conservatives are so fucking stupid that they think our shit don’t stink because we’re “number one”. We ain’t, you shit-fer-brains morons. We’re just like everyone else and, as such, we have a responsibility to, among other things, not defecate all over the fucking planet, not kill other people en masse just because they’re not us and not treat each other like shit. Yes, perhaps what I’m writing here amounts to treating conservatives like shit but, at this moment, they fucking deserve it. Happy Labor Day, dammit.

      • BattyKitch

        Diversity is not their long suit. Conservatives have a supremacy/superiority that they feel entitled to and continue to justify. They don’t care about any good decent people who are not ‘them’.

        • Walter Wellstone

          Fuck them.

      • Wassamatta U Alumnus

        Well said.

  • azeyote

    you made me visualize Noonan on meth – thanks a fuc#in lot –

    • doktorzoom

      It’s Wonkette; you can actually write “fuck.”

      You’re welcome.

      • Beaumarchais?

        It’s Labor Day Weekend, Dok. In the immortal words of your boss, get the fuck out of here.

        • doktorzoom

          Good point. I’m on Spambot Deletion duty so I have to check in a couple times a day. But then people say interesting shit that I feel compelled to read!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            So you’re already dealing with my mate’s mother? This is something like the squads of volunteers who saves St. Paul’s Cathedral, only with pixels.

          • Zippy

            but we an make $98 an hour!1! Not quite $100 I’ll grant you…

          • cousin itt

            The Donald can make us all rich!

          • natoslug

            “Oh man, the spam piled up so fast in Wonkeville you needed wings to stay above it.”
            — Wonketalypse Now

          • Zippy

            Maybe you could get Neal Cassady, Trix and the tie dyed babby to pull Furthur over long enough to write a script to automate the process.

      • natoslug

        Swears? On Wonkette? My heavens! I may need another Julep to overcome the shock!

      • Anarchy Pony

        You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me! We can fuckin’ swear and shit on this fuckin’ site? Goddamn fuckin’ awesome!

      • azeyote

        thanks a fuckin lot

  • EARN $98/hour By GOOGLE JOBS

    my mate’s mother makes $98 consistently on the tablet………After earning an average of 19952 Dollars monthly,I’m finally getting 98 Dollars an hour,just working 4-5 hours daily online….It’s time to take some action and you can join it too.It is simple,dedicated and easy way to get rich.Three weeks from now you will wishyou have started today – I promise!….HERE I STARTED-TAKE A LOOK AT…..okh..

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    • Enfant Terrible

      I’d respect you more if you got an Amway distributorship and started selling soap and vitamins.

    • Go drunk, Peggy, you’re home.

      • Enfant Terrible

        She’s waaay ahead of you.

        • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

          Oh wait, though – I think she stopped at the old oak tree to create some wrap around automobile art

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Peggy reminds me of those managers who assure you that salary is one of the least considered factors in job satisfaction. It’s really easy to say that when you’re at the top of the food chain and not living paycheck to paycheck.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Oh damn. Is this the moment where I confess that I cherished my mother, fly the flag on every national holiday and looooove me some apple pie.

  • Spurning Beer

    Mr. Legum, that long paragraph in the middle of the post is one of the most majestic pieces of English prose I’ve ever read. And I’ve read Kurt Vonnegut.

  • George

    “Reagan was a senile old actor who spent his presidency waiting for someone to yell “Cut!” so he could head off to Musso and Frank’s for a couple of pops and an under-the-table blowjob from whichever starlet the maitre d’ brought over along with the dinner menu.”

    This is the greatest sentence ever created by the internet. Thank you.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “honest liberal voices that speak to our concerns about who we fear we’re
    becoming. They might find they’re thinking the way the American people are
    thinking, which is step one in true leadership.”

    Umm… yeah. Isn’t that what worries the GOP?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I believe that, uh huh, for a nanosecond.

  • Hutch

    With Noonan, I’m always thinking that the dwarfs are dancing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb9Acr_OHCw

    • “notgninooN notgniggeP emaD oT ‘krewT’ snialpxE nosreP elttiL ehT”

  • Juan de Fuca

    “I’ve been thinking about the big bad stories of the summer, the cultural ones that disturb people […]

    We’re shocked. But we’re not shocked. And that itself is disturbing. We’re used to all this, now, this crassness and lowness of public behavior… As if these aren’t separate and discrete crimes and scandals but a daily bubbling up of the national character.”

    All of the right wingers are throwing Trump under the bus now…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They are trying, without success, to destroy Frankenrove’s Monster. Just look at Hugh (“Peggy Noonan in Pants, for All Practical Purposes) Hewitt’s attempted take-down. Pathetic.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Agreed. BTW, my comment was pure sarcasm as Noonan is a Trump supporter, but it’s nice using people’s own…nevermind. Agree with you about the irony of the same people who helped to build this guy are now trying to get him under control. I’m personally enjoying it…

  • gOf

    Is it just me who is reminded of the immortal words of Socrates who once said, “Peggy Noonan can go eat a bag of moldy dicks.”

    • George

      I think it was Pliny the Elder, actually. And that’s saying something given his resume.

  • Walter Wellstone

    “… but as a person who had a sense of what Americans were thinking because he was thinking it too.”

    I’m thinking I need to fart right now. Is anyone else thinking that?

    • Enfant Terrible

      Reagan didn’t just think it. He did it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In view of the fact that this was based on Noonytoon’s article of two years ago, I am backdating my fart.

  • EARN $98/hour By GOOGLE JOBS

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    • Mehmeisterjr

      “my mate’s mother…?” You’re not even trying.

      • Sheepshagger

        She was !

        Hey yo!

    • Walter Wellstone

      Go fuck yourself.

    • elpinche

      Hey “Earn” , do you want make money the hard way, baby?

  • Badger33

    Reagan was a mean -spirited, bigoted POS. He said people were homeless by choice. He was the first Bagger.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Fuck him.

  • elpinche
    • BattyKitch

      I bet he looks much better now…..

  • Juan de Fuca

    O/T but just saw this on CNN. I am sure Liberty Counsel is on it!

    And by on it, I mean – “If she doesn’t agree with the terms of her employment she should change her religion to Christian”.

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/05/travel/muslim-flight-attendant-feat/index.html

    • Zippy

      It’ll be crickets from the fundies. They don’t give a shit bout no dirty Muslins, to them”religious freedom” means freedom for them to be self righteous assholes, not anyone else.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Yup. What timing though. It’ll be crickets…

      • EARN $98/HOUR By GOOGLE JOBS

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        • Vienna Woods

          Oh for fuck’s sake. GO AWAY.

          • Zippy

            lol

            GET A JOB!

          • Juan de Fuca

            Am I the only one who pulled out a calculator and determined EARN$98/HOUR is getting the shaft by changing jobs?

        • BeliTsari

          Yet, somehow… it would doubtless lack the scintillating eclat of my position with The Wall Street Journal, the hallowed halls of journalistic endeavor, punctuated by well earned gin black-outs in the back of well-heeled stranger’s Maybachs?

        • A Bashful Nobody

          OOh! I’m gonna be riiiich.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          You fixed the $97 / $98 discrepancy in your previous spam as I suggested. However, you have yet to give me a blow job. Not surprisingly, the going rate for that kind of job is around $98/hour.

    • Vienna Woods

      For heaven’s sake. She’d been a convert for two years, and only found out this year that she couldn’t drink booze? She’s either lying or stupid, or has the world’s worst imam.

      • Wendel

        She’s astute and will get a handsome payout.

    • John Smith

      Remember when people didn’t get jobs that offended their sensibilities? If you didn’t approve of alcohol, you didn’t get a job as a bartender. If you didn’t like cursing, you didn’t get a job as a longshoreman. If you didn’t approve of premarital sex, you didn’t become a prostitute.

      This is getting to be too much. There’s a difference between racism and sexism in the workplace, and just plane childish whining.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Agreed completely but in this story, it doesn’t appear as though the Muslim woman was looking for a reason to be a victim. The part of the story that caught my attention was this:

        “It was at the direction of the airlines that she began coordinating with the other flight attendant on duty so that when a passenger requested alcohol, the other flight attendant would accommodate that request,” Masri said. “We know that this arrangement has worked beautifully and without incident and that it hasn’t caused any undue burden on the airline. After all, it was the suggestion of the airline.”

        It seemed to be working out until another flight attendant filed a complaint against Stanley on August 2 claiming she was not fulfilling her duties by refusing to serve alcohol, Masri said. The employee complaint also said Stanley had a book with “foreign writings” and wore a headdress.”

      • Last Hussar

        It looked like there was an accommodation happening, like everyone was being grown-ups, until a colleague got all upset that she “had a book with “foreign writings” and wore a headdress”.

    • cousin itt

      I wonder if she cares that her tax cash is going to pay for drones to ahem, accidentally, kill innocent Muslims.

      But heck, she wasn’t going to get virgins in the afterlife anyway.

  • Anarchy Pony
  • freakishlystrong

    Has Pegs met Newton Leroy Gingrich?

    Often we search hard for words to define our opponents. Sometimes we are hesitant to use contrast. Remember that creating a difference helps you. These are powerful words that can create a clear and easily understood contrast. Apply these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party.
    abuse of power
    anti- (issue): flag, family, child, jobs
    betray
    bizarre
    bosses
    bureaucracy
    cheat
    coercion
    “compassion” is not enough
    collapse(ing)
    consequences
    corrupt
    corruption
    criminal rights
    crisis
    cynicism
    decay
    deeper
    destroy
    destructive
    devour
    disgrace
    endanger
    excuses
    failure (fail)
    greed
    hypocrisy
    ideological
    impose
    incompetent
    insecure
    insensitiveintolerant
    liberal
    lie
    limit(s)
    machine
    mandate(s)
    obsolete
    pathetic
    patronage
    permissive attitude
    pessimistic
    punish (poor …)
    radical
    red tape
    self-serving
    selfish
    sensationalists
    shallow
    shame
    sick
    spend(ing)
    stagnation
    status quo
    steal
    taxes
    they/them
    threaten
    traitors
    unionized
    urgent (cy)
    waste
    welfare

    • cousin itt

      Love, understanding and forgiveness have taken the last train for the coast.

    • TootsStansbury

      Republicans cause me to walk around grumbling other powerful words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, motherfucker, cocksucker and tits.

      • Eykis

        I find that ‘lying dick’ or ‘dickless wonder’ work for the Repigs – most are white guys anyway. I am a 61 yro white hetero married grandmother, fully employed, liberal, therefore the Repigs worst nightmare and I am sick to death of their bullshit lies and fake xtian garbage and bigotry.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          Here’s a salute from a 61 yro white hetero married male liberal, Repigs second worst nightmare…

      • Putty

        You forgot “beastly bugger” … one of my favorite lines from “The Kings Speech”.

    • Spurning Beer

      At least the end of the alphabet belongs to us. We can deploy:

      xenophobia
      yelling
      zoophily

  • VandeGraf

    It seems that vocal, in your face conservatvism in now in vogue, and all the rats are scrabbling to tear off their hunk before scurry back to their hole. Mags has been at it longer than some, and is even more attuned to the zeitgeist of the phenomenon than many. But, like all rats, sooner or later they get their dose of cultural warfarin and go bleeding off into the endless night of their oblivion. Most of us barely remember Goldwater. The others–the cheap tabloid conservatives– are long gone, and largely forgotten.

    • VandeGraf

      Also, too, there is evidence that George Will is losing his mind. Allegedly. Certainly his edge.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Pssst…George Will lost his mind a long time ago. The bow tie was too tight…it resulted in brain death. Don’t tell anyone.

        • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

          There is a three way free-for-all in the right wing among Will, Kristol and Krauthammer, to see who can be most consistently wrong. Will has made great strides in the last decade, but I think Kristol still has him by a nose.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            George seemed to realize that being semi-coherent was not the way forward in modern Repub circles. He has fully embraced the stupid.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            He already had “dweeb” going for him.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Still killin’ it in the dweeb category!

          • Biff52

            I used to read his column when he was merely wrong; at least he was thoughtful. Now he’s just like all the others, willfully stupid.

          • Guest

            Embraced the stupid? I didn’t see that photo of him hugging Dick Morris.

          • Wendel

            No one can beat Kristol for sheer assholery.

      • Gil

        It would be unpatriotic not to suppose this. Where’s my Bloody Mary ?

      • Wendel

        Happy you brought up Jonah. He isn’t getting enough attention lately.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “Ronald Reagan (Ed. note: Reagan! Drink!) never thought…”

    Coulda stopped right there.

  • Serolf Divad

    This from the party of: “Fuck the unemployed, the only thing the Fed should worry about is maintaining the value of outstanding debts”:

    http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2010/11/gops-pence-the-fed-should-drop-its-dual-mandate.html

  • Takoma DC

    Isn’t it “Berkeley”?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Berkley Fishing, Spirit Lake, Iowa.

      • Takoma DC

        Oh sure. Legum was referring to Berkley Fishing, Spirit Lake, Iowa. Of course.

  • beatbort

    The column needed more stories about Carlos, the meat slicer at the bodega where Noonan buys her martini mixers.

    • Wendel

      Cesar was the name and astute observation was his game.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Yes, I remember this one man spoke for all Hispanics.

  • Drew Miner

    We found her in Mombasa in a bar room drinking Gin.

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Offtopic, but here a recording Dame Noonan did with Thurston Howell, III to sell champagne back in the 1950’s – “Delicious”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFqZhadwvG0

  • Dane Janeiro

    I wonder what Reagan’s pet name for Nancy’s pussy was. Because you know he had one; he would doodle it on his notebooks during NSC meetings.

    • actor212

      “Peggy”

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      “Love Canal”

  • ron

    I love Peggster Noonster…I like sit quietly on a Sunday morning and gaze mindlessly at those little cartoon birds flitting around her head…

  • not ted danson

    Reading Nooonan’s writing is like reading Ayn Rand– awful, overblown prose with not a wiff of truth about it.

    • Raquel Sherman

      my mate’s mother makes $98 consistently on the tablet………After earning an average of 19952 Dollars monthly,I’m finally getting 98 Dollars an hour,just working 4-5 hours daily online….It’s time to take some action and you can join it too.It is simple,dedicated and easy way to get rich.Three weeks from now you will wishyou have started today – I promise!…..HERE I STARTED-TAKE A LOOK AT..qq.

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      • jmk

        Go home, spambot…you’re drunk.

  • Guest

    Peggy, Peggy, Peggy. Stick to doing what you do best: drive around Palm Beach and count all those Romney yard signs.

  • jmk

    “Conservatives have been concerned about our culture for at least a quarter-century.”

    That’s funny… the “the big bad stories of the summer, the cultural ones that disturb people” all seemed to have starred conservatives who, oddly enough, had made careers out of regularly slagging off any part of the culture that wasn’t in ideological lockstep with conservatives…before they were revealed to be utter hypocrites, that is. You weren’t “concerned about our culture” enough to face that, were you, Pegsie?

    “Helpful now would be honest liberal voices that speak to our concerns about who we fear we’re becoming.”

    Translation: liberals, when you comment on the shitstorm our extremist assholes have created, if you tell us anything that makes us feel uncomfortable or seems to blame us, we’ll dismiss your observations and call you dishonest.

  • Wendel

    The Pegster reminds me so much of Tom Friedman without the acute insight and charm.

    • Guest

      Really? She reminds me of mAnn Coulter without the Adam’s Apple and even less charisma. And maybe not the requisite little black dress and hateful book titles.

      • Mintie

        Ann Coulter wishes she could afford Our Peggy’s alcohol habit.

  • tegrat

    Seems sorta like she’s describing this Bernie Sanders fellow, just sayin’.

  • MAKE $98/HOUR BY GOOGLE JOBS

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