SHARE
Duggar's looking forward to the laying on of hands part.
Duggar’s looking forward to the laying on of hands part.

Once upon a time, a teenage boy called Josh Duggar got in BIG trouble with his fundamentalist Christian mom and dad, for sticking his fingers inside his sisters, so they sent him to a big city called Little Rock, where a “family friend” could teach him not to do that anymore, through professional counseling doing manual labor and talking about Jesus a whole bunch. And it worked! (They say.) Josh Duggar never diddled a family member again! (That we know of.)

And when he was growned up, Josh Duggar put babies in his Good Christian Wife Anna, but when she wasn’t looking, he liked to get on the internet and look for strange ladybusiness to put his pecker inside, including these two times when he did violent sex to a hardcore porn star lady, utterly terrifying her, and totally distracting him from doing God’s Work at the Family Research Council, teaching people how to hate gays and birth control.

So now, off Duggar has gone again, to a Jesus-loving sex rehab, where he will receive professional counseling do more free manual labor and talk about Jesus some more, and never ever put his penis in a forbidden hole again!

Gawker’s got the skinny on Duggar’s new digs. It’s called Reformers Unanimous, and it’s just the Jesus Rehab you need, if you don’t want to actually get counseling, but instead want to heal all your problems with Jesus, a hammer and a nail. You see, everyone on staff seems to have one thing in common, and it’s not a counseling degree, but rather, they’ve all been saved, and they’re “[h]ere to help you find a dynamic love relationship with Jesus Christ.” And they will teach Josh Duggar how to surrender his penile urges to Jesus for the low, low price of $7500!

Let’s look at the application Josh had to fill out. It’s full of rules! For instance, he’s not allowed to date any chicks while he’s in the Jesus slammer :(

conversation

NO FAIR! If he can’t talk “about old habits or lifestyles,” then his roommates won’t think he’s cool AT ALL! He was looking so forward to being like, “Hey, this one porn star? Did her. TWICE!”

Also, the part about encouraging them to narc on each other is real nice.

Here’s a thing about how, if he doesn’t whistle while he works (for free), he has to go sleep at a shelter like a common Homeless:

work

There’s a thing about how their sleeping facilities are owned by God, therefore moving furniture is against the rules, oh, and DO NOT TALK SHIT ABOUT THE FOOD, you sex-addicted bozo pervs: “Negative remarks about food will not be tolerated. Prayer and fasting are a profitable alternative.” MEOW! Go complain to Jesus about how you’re starving, you creeps!

Now here is some good news. Josh is allowed to get caught chalking his cue looking at the porn he smuggled in, up his butt, up to FOUR TIMES before he gets kicked out of the program, so schedule wisely, mister!

porn

The app itself is pretty extensive and only gets weird a couple times, like when they make abundantly clear that there’s nothing “medical” about this “rehab facility”:

medicalfacility

And also after all the normal things like “Who is your emergency contact?” (he probably wrote that porn star’s name and number) and “Are you a sex offender?” (obviously!), there is one more very important question:

goingtoheaven

So hurray, Josh Duggar got accepted! He will go through the program, he won’t cheat NO NOT AT ALL, he will talk to the Lord about the things the porn demons force him to do, the Lord will magically heal him, and then he will go back home and still be a gross sex creeper, in Jesus’ name, AMEN.

[Gawker / Reformers Unanimous]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • PubOption
    • HogeyeGrex

      I suspect it will work about as well for Josh.

      • Billy Rubin

        Inshallah

  • elviouslyqueer

    How very thoughtful of them to build in 5 1/2 hours of “relaxation time” on Sundays. I just hope RU’s computers have a Nanny cam or airtight porn blockers on them.

    • marxalot

      Ha! Computers? Satan boxes. They’ve got one old CRT in the common room, hardwired to the 700 Club, and that’s the way Jesus likes it.

      • Jesus only codes in COBOL for mainframes as well.

    • cousin itt

      Can the filters stop them going to Breitbart for their fix?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Even from way out here in California this place reeks of “future investigation by the state Attorney General’s Office.”

    • SK

      “fellowship”?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They mean that in the manly, J. R. R. Tolkien way.

        • bozilingus

          Fellowship of the Cockring?

    • say wha

      7:00 AM Awake and “get ready” for the day ie: take care of that morning wood

      Relax don’t do it
      When you want to go to it
      Relax don’t do it
      When you want to come
      Relax don’t do it
      When you want to come
      When you want to come

  • cousin itt

    “If you don’t beat your meat, you can’t have any pudding, how can you have any pudding if you don’t beat your meat!”

  • DahBoner
    • JoeChristmas

      Jails, institutions or death

  • So… “Work Will Set You Free”, but with added Jesus?

    I… almost feel sorry for him.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    No intentional destruction of God’s property. Wait, I thought Josh’s wife and sisters weren’t allowed in?

    • Tansy Geek

      How do accidentally destroy god’s property? Forget it was there and sit on It?
      Damn, again with the phrasing. Too lazy to edit.

      • Amy!

        Rule Six: NO PEGGING.

        • SnarkTank

          Rule #3: No pooftahs
          Rule #4: THERE IS NO RULE #4!

    • SnarkTank

      Joshie’s harem is HIS property, not God’s!

  • Spotts1701

    Because nothing says “healthy therapy” like the constant paranoia that you will be ratted out for “bad behavior” or punished because you didn’t catch someone else doing bad things.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Isn’t that how you get into heaven?

  • OneYieldRegular

    All conversation will be Jesus-like? You mean in Amharic?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Lots of shouting out “Get thee behind me Satan!”

    • Amy!

      Pretty sure you meant “Aramaic,” since Amharic is an Ethiopian semitic language. No?

      • OneYieldRegular

        So right you are. I knew I should have confirmed that. Jesus was not Falasha, so far as I know.

    • Billy Rubin

      Aramaic?! Sir or Madam, you’re not talking about the Jesus I know! Español, obviously.

  • ShriekinViolet

    Yeah, he’s definitely going to come out of this program with a healthier approach to sex.

    • Tansy Geek

      In the sense he may be getting antibiotics for the STDs he has accumulated.

      • Left Coast Tom

        They clearly said they are not a medical facility!

        He’d be much better off going to Planned Parenthood, as Evan suggested earlier.

        • Tansy Geek

          I sure as soon as he complains of pain on urination and swollen lump on his taint, they will attend to his needs. Because Christians, right? Helping the sick and all.

  • geoffalnutt

    “The all new Duggar Pecker II. Glows in the dark, plays your favorite songs from way-back-when, burps the baby, washes the car, rolls on casters….is self cleaning and fitted with ‘hush touch’ – like magic!!!
    Amaze your boss, impress your friends. Buy-one-get-one-free…while supplies last!!!

    • memzilla

      But can it core a apple?
      .

      • geoffalnutt

        And then it will julienne them to put in your pandowdy!!!

  • Dave

    I thought that it was a sin to skip babymaking when one’s woman is in her baby making phase of the month.

    Sounds like this is just trading a minor sin, getting some strange or diddling one’s sister, with the major sin of skipping the opportunity to make a baby

    • sillyclucker

      Probably Daddy Duggar will pinch hit.

  • mickster99

    Reads very much like some kind of total mind phuck aka sexually demented torture regime dreamed up by Kim Jong Un for his nightly honeymoon night re-enactments.

  • memzilla

    Maybe he could enroll in Jerbs For Jeebus, like another famous deviant!
    .

    • SK

      You mean run for governor of Louisiana?

  • Incoming Ham

    He’s in Rockford Illinois. The Screw Capital of the World. Birthplace of Ginger Lynn – porn star.

    • Antimassacree

      That in itself is nearly punisjment enough.

      • They make Peoria look like London by comparison.

    • Angry_Cop

      Birthplace of the bitchiest ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had, and also of Cheap Trick.

      Got a feeling that town is all fucked up.

  • SK

    Wait, what’s wrong with Equine Assisted Therapy?

    Are they afraid that he might fingerbang a naked horse, and they can’t use that “it was just mild touching over its clothes”?

  • OneYieldRegular

    “No returning to bed after the morning Bible studies.”

    So this is exactly the same rule as on Ashley Madison?

    • cindyinencinitas

      That caught my eye too. I guess Bible study can be so exhausting the poor students are tempted to lie about while they contemplate the divine… yeah, that’s it… I was thinking about er Abraham and I got sleepy.

  • DahBoner

    Seriously, this sounds like a great place for Josh Duggar to meet a wingman…

    https://media2.giphy.com/media/mZqI4GW5zHDfa/200w_d.gif

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    So, basically he’s joining Scientology? He’s getting off cheap for $7500. I doubt you can get a used e-meter on e Bay for that.

    • Msgr_Moment

      But you know he’s gonna stiff them on the bill.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …errrr yeah, I think I will keep my porn addiction and alcohol dependency!

  • VandeGraf

    After reading those rules, Hell seems like a viable alternative.

  • Callyson

    Let’s Go To Rehab With Josh Duggar And Learn How To Give Our Penises To Jesus

    I’ve seen a lot of inspired headlines on Wonkette but this takes the prize…

    • AntiDerpomeme

      The whole article was top-notch. WTG Evan, you had me in stitches!

    • marxalot

      Still waiting on the appropriate mailing address. Have already boxed up penises, awaiting shipping instructions.

  • Me not sure

    These folks don’t seem to understand that you can’t just ignore the sex drive. It’s one of the basic homeostatic drives that all people possess. If suppressed, it pops out weird (and yes, that is too a real psychological term).

  • SK

    Any non-binding or non blood related relationships will most …

    Note that Josh is free to sister-diddle.

  • Antimassacree

    What’s the record for shortest time to the 5th porn violation and expulsion from the program? Asking for a friend.

    –Josh Duggar

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s important to have goals in any recovery program.

  • Callyson

    he just paid $7,500 to study the Bible and work for free for the next six months

    Shit, I’ve got to get in on this scam…

    • Me not sure

      I’ll rake ’em in if you’ll fleece ’em.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      As I was reading over the rules, I was honestly thinking that Marcus Bachmann would have probably been kicking himself out of jealousy for an inferior grift product.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Who’s paying the money? Josh? Jim Bob? Whoever it is, he’s a crazy grifter being grifted by other crazy grifters.

    • natoslug

      So, ride Danica five times, or go to rehab once. Decisions, decisions . . .

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Is there a crispy sock violation?

    • tihond

      Having to wear them.

    • Me not sure

      Does this work for you?

    • toomanyrappers

      I have solution. Just have hookers on campus.

  • Callyson

    Whoa: they have to get up at 4:30 AM Monday – Friday.

    Good to know that Duggar will suffer some punishment, at least…

    • Cheesus Crust

      Nah – that was about the time he got up, and rolled out of whoever’s bed in the morning anyhow. He’ll be ok.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’ve never seen 4:30 a.m. from that side of the day. Any idea what it looks like?

      • Callyson

        Beats me…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’ve seen it way too many times. In late June, early July, it’s sort of twilight, but most of the time, it’s the very essence of what we who have been in the military call it: “Oh-Dark-Thirty”.

      • Spotts1701

        Dark, cold, empty, did I mention dark?
        On second thought, just picture Donald Trump’s soul, okay?

    • laineypc

      Hence the rules about not going back to bed after bible study

  • Cheesus Crust

    The next time we hear of Josh Duggar, he’s going to be toe-tapping in men’s restrooms, it’s all that’s left, really (or should we hide the farm animals..) but at least he won’t be molesting small children and terrifying hard-core porn stars.

  • janecita

    And Mom and Pop Duggar are “counseling” poor, brainwashed Anna.

    • sillyclucker

      Are they really? That poor girl must have done something terrible in a former life.

    • Angry_Cop

      Nobody deserves that. Somebody please get her out of that hellhole of a house.

      • marxalot

        He brother is trying to get her to move in with him and divorce Josh, for whom he has a sock stuffed full of votes. So there’s that.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Hit Josh with the sock! Hit him with the sock!

        • Angry_Cop

          Hopefully she listens.

          I don’t use terms like this often, but the family she married into is a complete and total waste of human life. Not a one of them needs to be walking this earth. They are all awful and completely reprehensible people with not one redeeming quality between all of them.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I wish the brother every luck in the world but The Devil’s Jim Bob’s power is great.

    • O4FSake

      Home school rehab. Unqualified bitches.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    “Occult or New Age behavior”

    …I take this to mean I should leave my autographed copy of the Necronomicon and hipster jeans at home?

    • Cheesus Crust

      Ya – and any music that wasn’t written from roughly 1100 – 1899.

      • jmk

        Papist music? NO!! Bad fundie!! “Christian contemporary” “music” ONLY.

        • Cheesus Crust

          But only if it has no beat… because rhythm = Satan.

          • Playonwords

            So the rhythm method is of Satan …

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      And don’t even breathe the word “solstice.”

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …how about Mother Gaia?

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          First offense? That’s an exorcism.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Also the crystal dildos. Do not bring those.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No D&D for you, Josh!

    • Anarchy Pony

      Does that mean I can’t leave an offering of mead and honey for Odin?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Can’t you drink the mead and just leave the honey? Surely Odin knows how to make mead…

  • diogenez

    His roommate isn’t getting ANY sleep….

    • tihond

      Nor his sock.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    $7500? That’s like porn star rates.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And just who do think would be so brash as to run a racket like this?

  • Callyson

    All students will sit in the reserved rows in the auditorium. Women will sit on the organ side and men will sit on the piano side.

    Dammit, there’s an madam’s organ joke in there somewhere

    • Cheesus Crust

      Well, we couldn’t very well have the men sitting on the organ side, that would make baby Jeebus weep. Which is like, 5 demerits, or something.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Breaking the rules? No, I was just tickling the ivories.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Last year they found the pianist in the organist…

      • Iron Monkey

        Or:

    • OneYieldRegular

      The Sousaphone side is reserved for Jesus.

    • say wha

      That’s because the roses are on the piano and the tulips are on the organ.

  • 24601

    Jesus loves the gross sex creepers, all the creepers of the world.

  • JMP

    Yeah, see, when your problems come from being brainwashed into a patriarchal cult by your parents, going to a facility that offers further Christian brainwashing is only going to make them worse, not better.

    • ArgieBargie

      “I’ve got a sex fever, and the only prescription is more Jesus!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Needz moar cowbell.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dr. Yen Lo is on staff there to reinforce the existing programming.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This reboot of The Rockford Files could use a lot more James Garner and a lot less Josh Duggar.

  • Callyson

    No returning to bed after the morning Bible studies

    The fact that they had to make this a rule doesn’t say much for how interesting their Bible studies meetings are…

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–Bt57-Ouz–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_320/yo0e2gm5wxbrocmu45bn.gif

    • Cheesus Crust

      When really the rule should be no sleeping during Bible study. But I notice there is no prohibition regarding that.

    • Me not sure

      ….or how efficient the sessions are if all you want to do afterwards is get in bed and fap.

      • Amy!

        They don’t even have the Song of Solomon in their version of the bibble, do they?

        • Me not sure

          That’s the only part I take literally.

    • JohnR

      I’d bring a pillow and blanket to bible study.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’d bring those items, and a cot.

    • Takoma DC

      Are Snuggies permitted at bible study?

      • Playonwords

        Who do you think Joshie is, David Vitter?

  • Jan Ness

    Are we living in the U.S. Of A??? Or is this somewhere…in The Twilight Zone?

    • Tansy Geek

      I think it might be in America from Parts:The Clonus Horror.

  • 24601
    • Callyson

      That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “come to Jesus.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Shouldn’t that be “come on Jesus, and do so with vigor and lots of moaning”?

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Jesus wants a pearl necklace?

          • Villago Delenda Est

            He needs to have something to clutch.

        • Anarchy Pony

          Jesus likes the moaners.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Apparently, given the amount of orgasms brought on by the hymns alone:

            Oh cum, oh cum, Emmanuel.
            Oh cum, all ye faithful.
            Cum thou fount of every blessing.
            Cum ye thankful people, cum.
            Cum, cum, ye saints. <— A Mormon standard, also too!

          • Anarchy Pony

            Who’s gonna clean all that up?

          • elviouslyqueer

            According to the Baptists, we will be washed white as snow. So, AOU, K, obvs.

          • Anarchy Pony

            I’ll get a mop…

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Anna, of course.

          • O4FSake

            Anna will. Jizz world at their house with his porn watching.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “Behold, I come quickly”

          • Amy!

            There’s a pill for that, now, I hear.

          • Takoma DC

            Josh’s Jesus like moaney.

      • elviouslyqueer

        “Is HE In You?”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Josh can’t answer, mouth is full.

        • Steven Posey

          MY BODY IS READY

  • azeyote

    like back in the day – i hope he wacks it till he goes blind – then he can’t find it – or his sisters either –

    • JoeChristmas

      He can go Mike Tyson on it.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This “rehab” that twatface is going through is an utter joke, like all this Christianist crap.

  • JoeChristmas

    Worst. 13th Step. Evah.

  • toomanyrappers
  • JohnR

    “Our program focus is not about developing personal relationships, but rather on the most important relationship – the one between man and Jesus Christ.” Isn’t this why Josh is so fucked up in the first place?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Um, yup. Because the “Jesus Christ” he has the “relationship with” isn’t actually Jesus Christ. It’s Jeebus, son of Mammon.

    • Angry_Cop

      I don’t know what it is about the fundies that always finds “double down on a bad stratagem” their preferred solution to everything.

      • Thaumaturgist

        The “bad stratagem” is preserving the Christian domination of American society.

      • laineypc

        If it doesn’t work, you’re not doing it hard enough. Just Christian harder, dammit!

        • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

          Pray right. Ya gotta pray right. LEARN how to do it RIGHT.

    • marxalot

      Yup. He doesn’t care about anyone else, as long as Hillbilly Hallucination Jesus thinks he’s cool.

    • vivian

      Einstein’s def. of insanity, Jeebus version.

    • SmotPoker

      Yes!

      I finally remembered to read some comments before posting my own thoughts, and it paid off.

      I was going to say that exact thing.

  • SnarkTank

    “foul language…will not be tolerated”

    Fuck that shit, bitches, I’m outta here.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Fuck that shit, bitches, I’m outta here and piss up a rope with your tits you you cunt-faced cocksucking cocks.”

      FTFY

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        No “motherfuckers”? I am disappointed.

        • elviouslyqueer
          • The Molten Soul

            A mushroom cloud layin’ mutherfucker.

          • vivian

            Thank you for this well-placed relief from the shitstorm of sanctimonious assholery that surrounds it.

          • Anarchy Pony

            Honestly thought there would have been more.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Dang, I knew I was missing something!

        • cindyinencinitas

          slacker

    • Iam Reading

      Yeah. Fuckity fuck fuck that…………………also, too, deez nuts

    • The Molten Soul

      Buncha cunts.

  • JohnR

    Forced labor, religious indoctrination, restricted diet = brain washing.

    • Anarchy Pony

      It’s only brainwashing when everyone else does it!!! Gawd!

  • No, you liberal heathen don’t understand, he doesn’t need a safe non-judgmental space to talk out his feelings and be honest about his feelings, his actions, and how he has hurt his wife and children with long term therapy and possibly medication.

    He just needs prayer and bible study to tell him that he needs to get his act together or Jesus will personally roast him on a spit for all eternity if he thinks naughty thoughts about woman parts.

    And his wife just needs to buckle down and take care of those kids by herself for six months, lest she start getting ideas in her head about how the bible says divorce is totally allowed if your spouse starts fucking porn stars.

    • cindyinencinitas

      She ought to go to typing school or something. That HPV/chlamydia/crabs treatment isn’t going to pay for itself.

    • John Smith

      Don’t forget the putting out more when he gets out.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    Saaay, you know who *else* wouldn’t tolerate slacking off on the job?

    • Tansy Geek

      Satan?

      • beatbort

        Albert Speer?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I can’t get any decent help these days. God’s laughing, of course. All he has to do is raise his little finger and he’s got a thousand sycophantic prissy little angels dancing around his beck and call. I’m lumbered with Anger and Sloth.

        Peter Cook as Satan in Bedazzled (1967)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Donald?

    • Tansy Geek

      My dad?

    • cindyinencinitas

      Editrix?

      • RoyalUglyDude

        OT, but all you Orange County Wonkers should know that your Editrix has a guest column in the OC Weekly!
        It’s available to read on the interwebs, so no need to schlep down to Chronic Tacos to pick up the latest issue.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          That’s a lucky break because Orange County would be a helluva schlep for me.

        • cindyinencinitas

          They still have one of those up there? Ours in Encinitas was open a couple months and closed in the middle of the night… I did see Wee Man in town once though.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The guy in charge of creating fake women accounts for Ashley Madison?

      http://gizmodo.com/almost-none-of-the-women-in-the-ashley-madison-database-1725558944

    • sw19womble

      Richard Linklater?

      • sw19womble

        Ooh and Jason Schwartzman for the non-sequel but-sounds-like-it-should-be “Slackers”.

    • The Molten Soul

      Thomas Edison

    • Me not sure

      The Great Wallenda?

  • This program sounds like it’s about 97% of the way into being S&M.

  • Shibusa

    Sounds like Josh Duggar will be in the Purity Pledge Class of the Gamma Omicron Delta fraternity.

    • beatbort

      More like the He Felta Thigh fraternity

      • mtn_philosoph

        Beta Eta Pi.

        Nu Upsilon, Rho ?

        Iota Kappa Phi.

        Omega ! Zeta Chi !!!

        Sigma Tau Mu …

  • m3bosha

    I have no snark to give, as this reminds me of when I was 16. At 16 I ran away from home. After a month or so I was found by my crazy evangelical father. He decided the best place for a teenager who hated her dad and wanted to listen to Depeche Mode was to go to a christian counseling place called Teen Challenge. This was not a place for teens despite the name. Most of the people there were adults with major drug addiction issues. There was no school other than bible study, which I was not allowed to participate in because I was a minor (WTF were they talking about in there?). The men could not speak to the women. There was even a married couple in there with a baby who could not talk to each other. One day they had to babysit and the father came into the kitchen and asked how the baby was. I answered him and got in boocoo trouble. After a week of this uselessness, the director called my dad and told him this was not where I belonged. I was not a drug addict, I was polite, followed directions and was not fit for such a place. I was on a flight back to Colorado the next day.

    It was still complete and utter bullshit, and 25 years later, I’m still bitter about it.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Be thankful you got out of that place. They could have really fucked you up.

      • GOOGLE HIGH PAY $97 HOURLY

        Work at Home Special Report………After earning an average of 19952 Dollars monthly,I’m finally getting 98 Dollars an hour,just working 4-5 hours daily online….It’s time to take some action and you can join it too.It is simple,dedicated and easy way to get rich.Three weeks from now you will wishyou have started today – I promise!….HERE I STARTED-TAKE A LOOK AT….nkc…………..

        ➤➤➤➤ http://supermosttoplevelworkzone/finance/team/…. ⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛⚛

    • sw19womble

      Reminds me of the movie “Saved”.
      Pretty snarky film, actually, I would recommend it to my fellow Wonketeers.

      • say wha

        Or this…

        • sw19womble

          Thanks! I will go check it out! :)

          • sw19womble

            Ooh… that’s the lady from Orange Is The New Black, like when she was younger and still (playing) a lesbian!

        • SadDemInTex

          A fun film…but the real places are horrific.

      • Drew Miner

        Yes, that was an important movie, for that time. I love that scene where Mandy’s charicter full of fury hurls the bible at another girl yelling “I am SO filled with Christ’s Love!”

        • sw19womble

          I loved that scene the first time I saw it!
          OT Saved! is very similar to “Easy A” in terms of sexual mores (and spot of fundy xtianism)

    • Tim Drake

      If your father is still alive, I would be happy to yell at him for you.

      • m3bosha

        TY. I have found that shunning his church and belief system has fostered a happy medium. Kinda a silent protest, if you will. He knows he is due for a good yelling, but if he keeps his trap shut about the whole religion thing, I won’t give him the what for about his religious patriarchal BS that drove me away.

    • The Molten Soul

      Thank you, M3. An awful story well told. Glad you got out. Fuck them. And up with Depeche Mode!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You get my upvote of sympathy.

    • natoslug

      I see Teen Challenge vans around here all the time. And I’ve yet to see anyone anywhere near a teen in one of them. My psychotic ex’s husband has worked with the people in charge of them locally, and yeah, they’ve all been local adults with major adult addiction trying to get reduced prison sentences. While I think most drug sentences are bullshit, those people are scary.

      • m3bosha

        If my math is correct I was there in 1990. From what I have read online, I think this must have been during a transition period from what they started as in the 1970s (a place to help teens) to what it is now (a way to make money from “diversion programs”). I will say, when I was there, it was way fucked up, but there were a couple of “mentors” that were very nice. I do feel they were the reason I was put out so quickly, they knew I didn’t belong there.

    • SadDemInTex

      and your crazy father?

  • Ryan Denniston

    $7500!?! That’s five porn stars!!! Use terms that are clear to people, or I will go all Dean Baker on you!

    • The Molten Soul

      Depends on the star. Sunny Leone has to be more expensive.

      • kaw143

        SERGIO LEONE DOES POR — Uh, never mind.

        • sw19womble

          Django Gringo is his gay pron name.

        • The Molten Soul

          Spaghetti Westerns with gang bangs.

      • sw19womble

        Sasha Grey probably wouldn’t get out of bed for $7,500…. no, wait…. ummm… into bed?

        • Ryan Denniston

          Sasha Grey is my favorite… No wait!

          • AnOuthouse

            Sasha Grey is my friend’s favorite.

  • talk about Jesus some more, and never ever put his penis in a forbidden hole again!

    So Jesus does a 403 on any hole on the planet except for his wife’s grotto of Desire and Baby-Making. Cool story, bro.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Mathew 19:12….some are born eunuchs, some are made eunuchs, and some become eunuchs for a little while until they get out of rehab with a boner so big it’s magnetized…

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    If only he’d grown up in a more Jesus-y and judgmental environment.

    • cindyinencinitas

      With lots and lots of shame about his body. Don’t forget the shame. Without that, there’d be no church at all.

      • The Molten Soul

        The Duggars teach shame for the female body. The peen is king.

        • cindyinencinitas

          well then why did he spank it so much?

          • It kept rising to the challenge every time.

  • FauxAntocles

    he will go back home and still be a gross sex creeper
    But he will be right with Jeebus and that’s all that matters.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Welp, yet another fine Christian heterosexual marriage on the rocks. Well done, my fellow queers. Well done indeed.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Didn’t even have to do much of anything for it to happen, so particularly artful and evil!

    • The Molten Soul

      A dynamic relationship with Jesus. For hating gays, they sound pretty…

      • Msgr_Moment

        …light in the loafers?

  • greyXstar

    So, the most important relationship is “the one between man and Jesus Christ”, and they only prohibit fraternizing with members of the opposite sex.

    Is this thing run by the Log Cabin Republicans, orrr…

    • Tim Drake

      Every time I hear dudes talk about Jesus a lot, I always want to recommend they get a boyfriend.

  • Joshua Norton

    They got most of those items off a Christian Mingle questionnaire.

  • I need a screenplay for a comedy that has this place has a backdrop and is written i the style of an ’80s teen sex comedy, stat.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Or yet another interminable Halloween/Scream remake.

    • Joshua Norton

      I think Charlie Sheen already tried something like that with “Anger Management”. Just didn’t click for some reason. Mainly Charlie Sheen.

    • sw19womble

      Oh, I already mentioned “Saved!” in a reply to another comment below.
      Later than 80’s, but there’s sex and pregnancy and rampant Xtian hypocrisy. And it’s quite funny, in a snarky way.
      HTH

    • Amy!

      Breakfast Bible Study Club

  • proudgrampa

    This is wrong on so many levels.

  • Ex dente leonem

    They turned down my application :(

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Honesty is sometimes not the best policy.

      • sw19womble

        I thought the porn star’s name was Danica?

        • Thaumaturgist

          Nope. Star on that flick name’s “Josh.”

    • Morrigan In Oregon

      I would hire you because your printing hand is fabulous!

  • beatbort

    Josh was tossing around Benjamins for hookers and lap dances and now for this rehab place. Isn’t he unemployed, and unemployable, at this point? Where comest thou with all thine lucre, young Josh?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Residuals.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It’s not like the girls got any of that sweet 19 Kids and Can’t Count that High cash.

    • Ryan Denniston

      We all resemble the man. Lucky for us, we don’t judge, except to publicly mock after the fact.

    • Julia Oceania

      When it comes to his prostitutes he “buys used and saves the difference” (although I am not sure his mom had that in mind when she came up with that saying)

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    What, no carpentry?

    • sw19womble

      What? With all those holes to drill and fill, working up a sweat on the sawhorse, not to mention all the hot lathe action….

  • kindness

    My impression is that Josh had that ‘dynamic love relation’ part down. Just not with Jesus (that we know of).

  • kaw143

    “Displaying occult or new-age type behavior”

    Andreas Vollenweider makes Jeebus cry, apparently? And, what about participating in ceremonies designed to seek the favor of invisible, supernatural beings? Even if you call them “god” and “Jesus”, that sounds a little occultish, doesn’t it?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I assume that means reading any book published after the King James Buhybull.

      • Drew Miner

        I think it means whatever they want it to at the time, all bullshit subjective bs,

    • Drew Miner

      can you imagine? Why am I getting called into HR? “displaying occultish and/or new age behaviour!” can I have my union rep in here before this goes any further?

  • Bill Slider

    Where are Jim and Tammie Fae Bakker when you need them?

    • Drew Miner

      I met Tammy Faye some years ago at a fundraiser for pets for folks with aids, sponsored by the local gay bingo night. She was charming and glad to give her time to the cause, (even tho she wasnt down with the gay lifestyle, she wanted to help with the pet therapy) and had to leave early as she had just started chemo. She was tiny and frail and trying to put some good into the world after all that crazy shit with Jim, and I could identify with her in ways that all of you can understand.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        That is pretty cool, that she could put aside her dislike of the lifestyle long enough to engage in a helpful program sponsored by those very same people.

        edit: not snark, btw, it really is sort of cool

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Agreed. My opinion of her has improved. Thanks, Drew!

      • Bill Slider

        Thanks for the spelling, as I couldn’t remember. I assumed he used her as a human shield to hide his lifestyle. I’m glad your impressions were positive, and I hope you are getting along OK, or better than OK.

      • Julia Oceania

        She actually seemed like a very sweet person, it wasn’t a put on, unlike Michelle Duggar

  • Thaumaturgist

    Wolff Blitzer just confided that Vester Flanigan was addicted to gay pornography and probably shot himself in the head for fear he’d end up in
    Christian rehab with Josh, if I heard that right.

  • Ergoetal

    This sounds groovy. Maybe a reality show filmed here? For Jesus?

    • nmmagyar

      There is no “maybe”.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Discharge from the program. So that’s what the fundies now call it?

    • Rasilom

      Is “Santorumed from the program” a suitable alternate way for saying the same thing?

  • andreamd

    I wish I could get my cold and sore throat cured. I’ m told it will take 7 days so if I prY extra hard, can that speed it up?

    • bobbert

      No.

  • Takoma DC

    Doesn’t say a dang thing ’bout no guns. Righteous Baby Jesus! Hallelujah!

    Precious! Precious! Good News! You’re goin’ to Jesus Camp with me!!!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Fucking hell. Now I DO feel bad for this ass. There is no chance he will get any sort of help, and he will probably continue to offend, and it will likely escalate

  • Joshua Norton

    Here’s a thing about how, if he doesn’t whistle while he works (for
    free), he has to go sleep at a shelter like a common Homeless:

    Is there any options for those who prefer a more, let’s say, “recreational” type of scolding?

  • jesuswasablack

    “never ever put his penis in a forbidden hole again”
    Are they gonna cut it off?

  • Rasilom

    Attention all you Christian Fundies. Through the miracle of modern.. err cough cough, science out totally uncertified and untrained “Counsilors” and their amazing ability to help you give your penis to Jesus, you can now diddle your sister, cheat on your wife by having an account on a cheating hookup sight followed by rough sex with a hardcore porn star, then get all that icky icky sin away for the low low price of only $7499.99!! You will receive 6 months of Jesus rehab training where instead of actually dealing with the underlying issues you will paint fences, grow vegies and not play with your Fun Stick (cause remember you gave it to Jesus!). reserve your spot now for our up coming fun filled sessions of Jesus therapy!! Act now and we will throw in a shiny new set of Jesus steak knives that never get dull! A true modern miracle of Biblical Proportions. Don’t Wait!! Call Today!!

    • georgiaburning

      These used to be called “indulgences”. The ghost of Martin Luther is shaking his head.

      • DustBowlBlues

        Marty’s shaking his head at all kinds of shit these days. Dude wasn’t much into hypocrisy.

  • ChickenNuggetYou’reSoCrazy

    There are no breaks on Joshy poo’s feel train.

  • Drew Miner

    Here’s hoping blood relation does not involve vaginal scraping….

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I have a vision of world where we no longer need to think about Josh Domysisters, T-Rump or Barstool Palin.

  • bluicebank

    “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.”

    — Reformers Anon gate sign.

    • Sheepshagger

      What’s this day of rest shit? What’s this bullshit? I don’t fuckin’ care! It don’t matter to Jesus. But you’re not foolin’ me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don’t fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man – ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

      • sw19womble

        That’s just like, uh, your opinion, man.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

      • bluicebank

        Eight-year-olds, Dude.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Noooooooobody expects the Fundy Rehabilitation!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    They’re turning Josh into a walking, talking hand grenade. When he goes off, there will be a lot of collateral damage.

  • So the food is so god-awful it’s against Ape Law to complain about it?

    I’m guessing all the newly minted Christian ex-druggies and ex-alcoholics and ex-god knows what “counselors” and “instructors” get a real kick bullying shlubs like Joshie around and stealing their lunch money.

    • Drew Miner

      Second Law: Ape must not Schtup Ape?

    • Amy!

      The rigid authoritarianism is not at all hidden, even with just the excerpts that Evan provided. It’s complete with a top dog that can make up rules on his (almost certainly “his” in this case) whim.

  • NotReveen

    Listed as a major offense: “Intentional destruction of God’s property.”

    • DustBowlBlues

      I suppose this isn’t a call to combat climate change.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I assume hitting your counselor with one of the facility’s chairs would fall under that offense?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Yes, you might damage the chair.

        • Anarchy Pony

          That Jesus’s carpentry is not cheap.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Destroying God’s precious property? It certainly a more serious crime than strangling a woman.

  • Capt.Jim

    Do you know how fucking sick and disgusting you have to be to freak out a porn star.I mean hell these folks will take a money shot to the eye hole from the ass of a fucking rat with the shits.But then again I figure Josh would fuck a pus-filled sack on Rush Limbaugh’s ass if it would mean getting his willie wet and a chance to talk to Jeebus about it

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “Duggar? I damn near strangled her!”

    • dshwa

      Well they know what they’re getting in a porn, it’s scripted, and the darker/rougher stuff is agreed on before hand. Just because you’re willing to do something for $ and in controlled circumstances doesn’t mean you want to do it any other time.

  • AnOuthouse

    Inappropriate fraternization with the same sex appears to be a-OK.

    • shastakoala

      That reform center is probably in the compound next door. Just a short apology away.

  • Fly

    The second time you get caught it’s 30 days in the hole.

    • beatbort

      Not sure how to take that.

    • DustBowlBlues

      “30 days in the hole.”

      Put that way, Josh might be breaking the rules on a regular basis.

    • John Smith

      “Diddlin’ here boss”

      ” Diddle on Josh”

      “abusin’ hooker here boss”

      “abuse away Josh. ”

      See, no failure to communicate!!

  • LarkintheAM

    Hopefully while he is gone Anna will take the kids, get the hell out and find someone from No Longer Quivering who can help her realize that she deserves way more than what life with this damaged and damaging family will end up doing to her.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Are you kidding? She publicly blamed herself for not putting out enough (maybe because she doesn’t want 19 kids). Not those exact words, of course, but she’s basically been sent out to rescue the whole clan of inbred grifters.

      • Drew Miner

        people saying things for her have said that. She could have been front and center defending him, but she didn’t! This speaks volumes of hope to me that she’s latching a trailer and gettin the heck out of Duggarville as soon as he’s in the Rehab!

    • data_ninja

      If it’s like a real cult, someone will be checking up on her, probably daily, to make sure that she isn’t leaving or divulging other information. If the brother who wants her out is worth his salt, he could ‘hire’ some helpers to extract her and the kids from that place back to somewhere safe. Then deprogramming begins, which I don’t assume would be pleasant, but would be beneficial.

  • shastakoala

    Clearly his first stint at the religious rehab worked miracles. So well in fact, it will doubtlessly be just as effective the second time around.

    • georgiaburning

      Who knows? He might pick up a few phone numbers.

  • weejee

    Too much diddling goin’ on.

    Needs moar bow

    • Drew Miner

      that’s pretty stinking awesome!

    • bobbert

      I really like the bridge.

  • tinker12

    My then-80 yo muther had a major seizure and was told by her docs not to drive for six months because it’s the law. She said all she had to do was pray harder and kept driving. We had to turn her in and because of that she blew up the family. Haven’t talked to her in almost five years.

    • DustBowlBlues

      But everyone your mother didn’t turn into road kill is grateful to you. Not so much to Jesus.

  • pragmatist3

    Clearly straight marriage leads to polygamy.

  • Julia Oceania

    The sad thing is that I am sure there are many people that go into this place really seeking help and they do not get it. Josh is basically using it as a Christian “time out”, a form of penance for his deviance. This seems very selfish ,while his wife deals with at least one porn actress coming forward, he gets to ditch the media and the questions and hide out from his family. I don’t call this Christian jail, I call this a Christian hideout. a way to evade the media until they get off this story, and he will be miraculously “cured” when none of us are paying attention to him anymore

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Can you say, “coward”? Mmhm, I thought you could.

    • georgiaburning

      Cured until next time.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This guy needs real help with his fucked up “lifestyle”, and he’s not going to get it at a place that only reinforces it.

      • Drew Miner

        the culture that caused it.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The culture that caused it is toxic.

  • smr06va

    ROTFLMAO — I couldn’t even imagine going to a place like this — in reading this, I realized I would be terminated from the program before even completing the application…………..

  • Toomush_Infer

    Jesus freaks have prayed for me in the past – it all seemed all about power and a certain amount of intense and imminent paranoia …. I told them I didn’t intend to die for quite awhile, so they could take their time…. it pissed them off even more and eventually they saw a squirrel…

  • DustBowlBlues

    The Old Man is 71 and still a horn toad. I’d love to give his penis to Jesus.

    • sw19womble

      I’m not one to judge, but surely you should have let him off by now and changed him back into a human?

      • DustBowlBlues

        You’d think, wouldn’t you?

        • sw19womble

          Hey, you know best! ;p

      • KenRob

        That would be a real “Mission Impossible.”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    From the “rehab facility” web site, as linked by Evan above:

    We Educate You With Proven Spiritual Tools.

    Oh, that sounds very solid. Yes, indeed it does.

    • bozilingus

      Spiritual Tools is a mean thing to call the staff.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Spiriual tools is used for both thy rod and thy staff.

    • OneDemin EOr

      I’m pretty sure “Spiritual Tools” describes all of the employees and most of their clients.

    • April

      “Spiritual Tools” = Shovel and Hoe…

      (I mean the “A long-handled gardening tool with a thin metal blade”),

      Not the other kind ;)

  • ibwilliamsi

    How many times do I have to point out that those were ONLY GIRLS. /s

  • SnarkOff

    This will cure Josh for sure. I just know it.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I don’t understand why he can’t just pray to Jesus and get cured. What’s he getting for $7500 that he couldn’t do himself?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Six months of lodging?

        – SF Bay Area

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    well, it worked for Robert Downey jr!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Question: why do RWNJs put so much faith in work camps? And why can only conservatives do this shit then get forgiven and be back in the saddle, so to speak, but liberals can pray to Jesus all they want and they never get forgiven? Like Republics who coerce their illicit lovers into getting an abortion, then run on ersatz family values planks and win? I’m not sure who is responsible for this, but I’m sure the Kock Bros have something to do with it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Arbeit macht Frei.

      • Morrigan In Oregon

        “Jedem das Seine”

    • Drew Miner

      RWNJ men are often out of work, as their “principles” get in the way seems to be a common thing these days with court clerks!

  • Texasace00

    Who wants to go to heaven so we get to hang out these assholes for eternity. Not me

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I put this on an earlier today Josh thread:

      “Heaven for the Climate. Hell for the Company.” — Samuel Clemens

  • TheBidenator

    Josh will of course find a loophole by asking, “Is my family allowed to visit me, including my sisters?”
    BOOM, bitches You can’t stop a Duggar from Duggaring, it’s what they do.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Just in case nobody has noted this…

    Josh is allowed to get caught chalking his cue looking at the porn he smuggled in, up his butt, up to FOUR TIMES
    Read
    more at
    http://wonkette.com/593389/lets-go-to-rehab-with-josh-duggar-and-learn-how-to-give-our-penises-to-jesus#Xp11LTizBVGk97rb.99

    Wanna guess why they’re so goldarned lenient? Wanna bet those two extra months “in the program” are gonna be free? Wanna buy some Arizona ranchettes? Those 2nd and 3rd infractions will cost a cool $2500. The 4th? Looks like another $7500 to me. That’s $10K for winking and nodding at a little weasel-weaxing, and who says they won’t allow the perv’s family to beg and plead that he be allowed to start all over again all over again? They’re not a medical facility, right? Sounds to me like they know damn well they have no idea what they’re doing–except making money hand over fist–and they’re out to milk that fact for all it’s worth.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      So…they are grifting the grifters?

      • KenRob

        Of course. That what they do best. Therein lies the punishment, grifters hate to be grifted. How soon will the “destitute” Duggars petition their followers to pay the costs for Josh’s imaginary rehabilitation? 3…2…1….

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          gug.
          The sad part is he will receive no help at all :/ Sigh

      • artem1s

        first rule of the con is ‘you can’t con an honest man’

  • malsperanza

    Assuming that “go to heaven when you die” is a metaphor for orgasm, this place sounds like fun. Lots of hands-on therapy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The French (who have an expression for everything, it’s like French is a complete language or something!) say le petite mort for orgasm…”the little death”.

      • LarkintheAM

        C’est ne pas une langue complete, vraiment. Ils ont un mot pour tout parce que Ils ne sont pas autorisés à emprunter les mots d’autres langues. Au lieu de cela , l’Académie Française fait de nouveaux mots personne ne prête attention.

    • unclejeems

      It’s been a while since I too English lit, but as I recall, forms of “to
      die” were used in the 17th Century English to mean the same thing–John
      Donne and all that.

      But as a former Southern Baptist, I can
      tell you that when they say “go to heaven when you die,” that’s what
      they mean, literally. And there are millions of people here in the U Ess of A that still think that way. No shit.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    $7500 for how long? Sounds pretty low for a residential program. Where’s the profit center?

    • KarenJ

      Probably until they get re-baptized and confess to their rehab pastor and get absolution. A week, tops.

    • Dave

      Seeing as how they have no professionally trained staff. That cuts way down on expenses.

      • starfanglednut

        Yeah, and provide no medical care.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Probably it’s run by the inmates…

    • Henri205

      And the inmates are essentially slave labor for the facility. So it’s a win-win for Jesus in that the people stuck there for ‘rehab’ (in the loosest sense of the word) have to work for the facility so they don’t have to hire anyone. Wow!!!

  • KarenJ

    Would one of the privileges these “students” might lose if they stray, be access to the Internet? Someone better be watching Joshie extra closely.

  • Tansy Geek

    OT, come on down to the great constitutional I’m rubber and you’re glue debate in the Second Amendment post from yesterday. It could use some new and cleverer blood.

  • Charles Cates

    God would like to remind you that sex shouldn’t be enjoyable but is only for the purpose of creating more Christians. Shame is highly encouraged.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is why many of us write him off as a totes asshole, and ignore most of the crap his followers dispense.

  • Lady Bug

    No snark, poor Anna. I can’t imagine being 27 having four kids under the age of 4, including a newborn, having no education and having grown up in a religious cult that values her just for procreation, and that only scratches the surface. On gawker there was an article about Anna’s childhood. Apparently each kid was given 15 minutes a week with their mother to express their feelings, otherwise they weren’t allowed to express any emotion.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Repression works best when you start the lessons young. Horrible to imagine how fucked up that must make a kid, typically creatures that require lots of emoting, both bratty and joyful. I echo your “poor Anna” sentiments.

    • JohnR

      It’s not just procreation, there’s cooking, cleaning, probably has to make the kids clothes too.

      • Lady Bug

        Oh you’re absolutely right, don’t forget she also has to be sexually available to her husband whenever he wants.

    • dshwa

      How is this not child abuse.

      • Lady Bug

        I know. I use to snark watch A Gazillion kids in counting a while ago, now I actually feel dirty, like I was a bystander in watching child abuse on T.V. which of course it was. My only hope against all hope is that if not Anna herself, at least her four children are able to leave that toxic environment someway, somehow.

        • Axomamma

          The problem is, where do they go? Her entire family and social circle are under the sway of some fucked up shit. My guess is Josh has been diddling his own kids as well. Why would he not? He had no problem doing it to a five-year-old sister. He needs to be in jail. I like MA law for sex crimes. After you serve your sentence, the Commonwealth can have you tried and adjudicated as a sexually-dangerous person and held at Bridgewater State Hospital until you can have the adjudication changed.

    • starfanglednut

      Omg. Her world must be completely crumbling. From what I hear though, her brother is pretty pissed. Maybe he can help her.

      • Lady Bug

        Yeah but apparently her parents are pressuring her to stay in the marriage. I’m not sure her brother’s support is going to be able to overcome 27 years of indoctrination, pressure from her parents, in-laws, etc. Not to mention even with Josh away, I doubt she has any healthy outlet for her emotions. In their belief system, people, and women in particular, must remain “sweet” all the time-and that means no anger, sadness, or any emotion besides “joy” can be shown. At the very least I hope she has someone helping her with the childcare. And by someone I don’t mean her 4 year old daughter either. While I have no doubt that she did the bulk of the parenting before Josh went away (sounds like a lifetime movie!) she should have at minimum some time to herself.

  • I have heard that Lorena Bobbit is a counselor at this institution…???? That should put the fear of god into little Joshies pants…so to speak.!

  • Lady Bug

    http://dlisted.com/2015/08/27/anna-duggars-parents-are-even-more-extreme-than-the-duggars/ Holy shit this is so fucked up (but sadly not surprising). “Anna apparently asked her parents, “Abuse, what does it mean?”, but they told her to marry Josh anyway.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I am not at all surprised considering how the sister and the brother are trying to get her the heck out of there

      • justicewasburned

        Who really cares though?

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I do, being a bleeding heart as I am. I could not imagine if I were an uneducated woman with no resources of my own being stappled to a man like this with no way out. And even if I got out, being uneducated as I was, and therefore unable to hold a job and support my children, it is very likely that he would be granted full custody.
          Hell of a choice the poor woman is facing. No matter what her religious convictions, I can feel for her

          • Lady Bug

            well said. :)

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Thank you. I have just known too many women in this same position. It is really awful and heart breaking and you try to help them,but eventually they mostly go back because what else can they do?
            And then you hear later how they were killed, or kicked out on the street, or a host of other horrible things and it makes you want to violate every rule for radicals in existence even though you are a peace loving retro hippy.

          • this is so lovely thank you.

          • starfanglednut

            Yes.

        • Get to bed, Dennis. You have another mouth to feed now, remember?

    • somebody should snatch her – like in a thriller – and introduce her to the actual world.

      then she’d have that whole meme where she rejected all the fundies.

      like tara on buffy.

      • Lady Bug

        or, they can turn her life story into a smart snarky comedy directed by Tina Fey! Although John Hamm is WAY too good looking to play Papa Duggar.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          I agree. I do not wanna think of Hamm in that way. Could pull a Doonesbury and just represent him with a floating bibble?

  • Blender_415

    Countdown to when the Duggar clan tries to shop this to TLC begins… now.

  • Relativicus

    This was the plot of an episode of Supernatural. Dean got to bang the re-virginized porn star.

    • Amy!

      Speaking of Supernatural, where’s Lizzie?

      • bobbert

        Maine, isn’a?

      • LarkintheAM

        Camping, lucky thing. :-)

    • Tim Drake

      I need to go look for this.

  • Left Coast Tom

    if he doesn’t whistle while he works (for free), he has to go sleep at a shelter like a common Homeless

    So these bozos are taking up beds in a homeless shelter, preventing homeless people from using them, as a punishment? In which gospel did Jesus tell his followers to kick the homeless out of beds?

    • Sheepshagger

      “Josh we got standards in this shelter. Bridge is down by the railyard”.

    • Strepsi

      They also send their sick to the local hospital.

      And what makes me see red is you wanna bet $10 they’re tax exempt because Jesus?

      Those Christians: with one hand in the taxpayer’s wallet, and the other in their sister.

  • Beowoof14

    I want to know whose job it is to time Josh when he is in the bathroom stall, making sure he is not bopping the bald Bishop. That job stinks both literally and figuratively.

  • Helena Handbag

    I have a treatment plan for Josh. It involves a cattle prod.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If it’s an electrified cattle prod, the use of it might backfire.

      • Helena Handbag

        You think he might actually like it?

        • drbloor

          I suspect the only question is how much extra he’d be willing to pay for that particular…intervention.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Mine involves a stump, a hammer, and some nails…with votes.

    • natoslug

      Mine involves apologizing to his wife, getting couples counseling, and years (decades) of therapy for himself. Preferably from an actual mental health care professional in both cases, not a fucking pay and pray specialist.

      • i don’t know. the cattle prod is pretty sweet.

        • natoslug

          Toss in the cattle prod as retribution for his sisters. And maybe not letting him into polite (or impolite) society until we’re sure he’s changed his behavior. for the better.

      • starfanglednut

        In a secure hospital. The man is dangerous. And legal consequences for his actions too.

  • Left Coast Tom

    From the application packet’s cover letter at Gawker, emphasis mine:

    We represent one of the most successful, if not the most successful, method in America. We do so at a cost far less than other comparable or reputable programs.

    Love how “reputable” is a separate category from “comparable”!

  • dshwa

    I don’t see how this is going to work, and i would love to see their success rate.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m guessing they’ll insist upon a different definition of “success” than any that you might have in mind.

    • JohnE_o

      If the check clears, that counts as success

  • John Smith

    These are about the same rules we had to abide by in Catholic school. Maybe a bit more lenient. And we hadn’t even done anything except talk in church or smoke in the parking lot.

  • nowhereman

    I had to laugh at the question about going to heaven.
    The saddest thing here is the total lack of professional counselling. He’s already a serial offender and I’m sure that more women come out to tell their “I’ve been Duggared” story.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Some of them may very well be in this program with him now.

      • starfanglednut

        *shudders.

      • nowhereman

        At least one of them is in jail.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Danica Dillon; got it. Now let’s see what’s out there on the Interwebs…

    • I don’t think I could enjoy anything, knowing that she’s been Duggared

  • Morrigan In Oregon

    if I could only comment on this website, I might share a thought about Jush Duggar. Perhaps he saw himself as ‘firstborn’ and ‘entitled’ because boys and men are taught to embrace that part of the faith. The babies kept coming and the biggest amount of focused interest from his parents was when he told them he diddled his sisters. Talk about a fantastic rush. Can you imagine trying to achieve something greater the NEXT time you wanna. . . and then he told them again! oooh another kerfluffle bigger than last time. On and on it went for this guy, geeze no wonder he thinks the devil made him do it.

  • Poly_Ester

    Does using Euro symbols for bullet points have any significance?

    • Amy!

      Means that someone got a copy of the .doc, likely, and printed it using a different codepage than the author intended. Which is not an amusing answer, but I can’t think of anything amusing. Something, something, Greek exit, something?

  • Poly_Ester

    Josh is still a pale imitation of Bill Cosby.

    • hmmm, don’t know about that.

      he’s moving thru the approved steps pretty quickly.

    • starfanglednut

      iswydt.

  • KenRob

    No surprise there, in fact I’d have been shocked to death if there was actually “Rill Progessional” help being provided. Is there, in fact, any counseling available that works for sex abuse perverts like Josh? If there is, it sure in hell isn’t found in any Christo-Fascist “program.”

    • dshwa

      There is, but it requires actual cognitive behavioral therapy, not pray moar harder.

      • Spurning Beer

        Hey dshwa, I live outside Pensacola. If you want to maybe meet up when you’re here, email me at spurningbeer@gmail.com.

      • HeywoodJablomey

        Recidivism rates for sex offenders are very high, even with “real” therapy, and taking into account the underreporting of sex crimes. That’s why this is so sickening – he’ll be turned loose on society after his bullshit stint at this bullshit “rehab” and he WILL reoffend.

        • LarkintheAM

          I’m not sure what you mean by that. Paying for sex and committing adultery are not nice, but as far as I know, only misdemeanors when it comes to criminal offense. Looking at porn being criminal would make 99% of men crimers (and the other 1% are too priggish to be allowed). Reoffending normal human beings by pretending to be “cured” of normal sexual urges that your church has pathologized into disease by praying a lot and doing some carpentry work, on the other hand, is guaranteed.

          • jmk

            I take your point – that adultery and porn are not “offenses” in a legal sense, but it seemed to me that the reoffending is a reference to his earliest offenses, when he sexually abused children. His subsequent behavior seems tied to the same issues that prompted those actions. His apparent lack of boundaries and personal responsibility, added to his clear sense of entitlement, make him a likely candidate for further offenses.

          • LarkintheAM

            You might be right, but he was a juvenile when he did his molesting, and that may not have had to do with children so much as it had to do with anyone available who wouldn’t resist, so I am willing to entertain the idea that he’s all about grown-up women now. Christian Dominionist ideas about sex are so fucked up that it would be impossible to know if he would have assaulted those girls if he’d been birthed into a normal family.

          • jmk

            I do agree…I’d agree with you completely except that he clearly viewed those young children in a sexualized manner, which is a giant red flag. I’m willing to accept that he is now focused on grown women, but I’ll just say I won’t be surprised if he engages in similarly unacceptable behavior – criminal or not – in the future.

          • LarkintheAM

            Oh I’m sure he will. He’s a mess now, and the place they’ve sent him to for “therapy” is only going to make him worse. I foresee a very unhappy future for Anna Duggar if she doesn’t get out while he’s off consecrating his bits for Jeebus.

          • HeywoodJablomey

            Sorry Lark if I was unclear. You’re absolutely correct. Of course I wasn’t referring to looking at porn or even paying for sex (although that is a crime), I was referring to the molestation of his sisters and babysitter, and the frightening experiences that Ms. Dillon reported that sounded to me, at least, very close to battery. As far as I know, his escapades have involved young girls – four of them his sisters – and a sex worker, two groups that are highly unlikely to file a police report. That doesn’t make his actions any less criminal. I totally agree with the assessment in your last sentence.

          • LarkintheAM

            No apology needed. :-) As I said below to jmk, I’m not sure he’s an actual pedophile, seeing as how everything he’s been taught about sex is bullshit and he had no contact with anyone female *but* his sisters. Not that this is an excuse, but I remember when it was brought to light, his parents were much more worried about the sexual experimentation than they were about it being done to his sisters. And if you read the shit that these people believe about even babies being a temptation and should be made to dress modestly and have only girl siblings look after them lest some male be excited by changing a baby’s diaper (though they will admit that maybe, it occasionally isn’t the girl’s fault she was molested), you can get a glimpse into that mindset. It’s horrifying how a religious narrative can bring someone to the point
            that molesting prepubescent children seems less bad to them than
            cheating with a consenting adult and watching porn, but they view females as man’s possession and thus, what’s bad is the break in *his* control, not the terrible thing he did to his sisters and babysitter. The worst is that poor Anna Duggar is being told that she is to blame for Josh’s infidelity – it’s *her* fault that he strayed, and he needs to get control of himself again, but she needs to be sure she is the perfect wife so he won’t slip control again. His parents and the “theology” they have poisoned their kids with are the real culprits, but they can never acknowledge this or it means realizing that everything they’ve built their lives around is a lie.

        • dshwa

          Very true, CBT is effective compared to doing nothing, but it’s not a great rate of success.

  • Cismontane

    So the fundies have their very own Reform Through Labor system?

    • Candy Apple

      Who Would Jesus Gulag?

      • Cismontane

        All I can say is, this is all just really messed up. These people have their own social contract, their own rules, their own penal system… It’s like The Secret Theocracy hiding in plain sight. Maybe we should just give them a piece of land somewhere – maybe the Dakota Badlands or a nice stretch of desert on the Messica border, and let them do their thing. Trucknutz Republic.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          No, they get none of our country. They are right about how we need to take this country back- from their growing theocracy. If they do not wanna live in the US of A, there is the friggin door. I am in a mean mood

          • Send them to Nan Madol, they can wait for Cthulhu’s return there.

          • geoffalnutt

            In authentic Woowoo Is that pronounced “choo-loo”?

          • Anarchy Pony

            They can go sea-stead or something, become pirate bait off of South America.

          • nmmagyar

            I’m with you. I ain’t fucking leaving, they can.

        • Dee Andee

          The Dakota Badlands already have a branch of the loony FLDS camping out. Can’t get much worse than those creepers.

          • Cismontane

            Maybe they can have some religious wars with each other out there…

        • Amy!

          Give them a mountaintop that’s been “removed”. They prolly approve of that, after all.

    • dshwa

      What’s Arbet macht Frei in latin?

      • Candy Apple

        Opus Facit Liberum?

        • Querolous

          ut opus sit liber?

  • ForCry

    “Talking about old habits or lifestyles is against God’s word and is not permitted.”

    With counseling like this, Josh’s next fetish is going to be necrophilia.

    • KenRob

      No, rape comes before necrophilia.

    • geoffalnutt

      They tend to lie there and take it better, I guess.

  • Guest

    I want to know what Doughboy Duggar was ‘going through’ during the week before the names that were hacked got posted online. He must have heard about what the hackers were threatening; he knew his real name, addresses, credit card numbers would more than likely be found out. What did he do? Did he pre-empt the ‘blow’ (sorry for the pun) coming by going to Anna, or his parents and confess? Inquiring minds want to know!!!

    • Dave

      Silly Guest. Josh don’t care what Anna or Mom think. Their job is to breed and obey.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Give yourself a handle and join the Wonketariat, Guest!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    “Griping, negative criticism, gossiping, complaining, fault finding, foul language, and sewing discord will not be tolerated.”

    If Fox News was subjected to this Jesus-centered program, it would be total on-air silence 24/7.

    • Guest

      I believe what you have quoted accurately described the annual CPAC conference!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I like the last line about how complaints are to be handled with the proper form, but on the first line it says no complaining.
      So.Erm. hm

  • Mavenmaven

    $7500! He’s thinking, wow, that’s like 5 nights with that porn star.

    • Candy Apple

      At which point, she’d need therapy.

      • Whollyholeyholy

        Yup. The post-rape depression kind. These heinous assholes.

  • Beaumarchais?

    What a relief! Although it’s a tale of pain and sadness, at least we can all agree that, at last, this story is completely told, finished and done with, for good, period, the end.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Yes. Until tomorrow.

      • Rasilom

        On the Neeeever Ending Story of “As The Stomach Churns”…

    • natoslug

      You’re one of those unicorns I’ve heard of. An optimist.

  • KenRob

    Interesting that Reformer’s Anonymous has 80 beds for women & only 55 for men. One can only imagine what the “sins” are that these poor wimmins have committed to land them in Christo-Hell. Refusing to put out, using sassy language to their “masters,” objecting to physical abuse to their children or themselves, secretly using birth control, or ??? might all be considered major offenses by these very sick fanatics.

    • Lady Bug

      Well from a gawker poster on the list of addictions/therapies they provide:

      Drug and alcohol addiction, prescription medication, post-rape depression, eating disorders, pornography addictions

      • Rasilom

        You mean the talk where the were to just lay back and enjoy it, cause God was mad at em about somthing?

        • Lady Bug

          Don’t forget the part about how their sinful lustful nature caused the crime in the first place.

          • Rasilom

            So right we must never forget that part. I mean for the love of all that is holy, how was he not supposed to diddle her once he saw her sinful dress? It was Gods will I tells ya!

        • Treg Brown

          Do they have to give details about how their body’s shut that whole thing down?

          • Rasilom

            Oh they don’t have to tell them there silly girls about that. You see lady parts automatically shut down unless.it is the Holy anointed seed of their good husband, or unless.God wants them to have that baby. Either way it us still alll the girls fault for not wearing a right proper xtian burka to keep his lustfull thoughts at bay!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Why won’t you Jezebels stop overcoming our natural repulsion for your female parts?

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Post-rape depression rehab????

        • Lady Bug

          looks like it.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I can’t even. GRAHAHHH curse you rules for radicals!

    • John Smith

      Probably the ideal M/F ratio for them, taking the menage-a-trois, etc. that I’m sure they will be regretting later into consideration.

    • Josh likes those odds!

  • Left Coast Tom

    Well, this sounds perfectly crooked…from the pile of paper posted at Gawker:

    I understand that any accidental bodily injury incurred by me while fulfilling my work therapy assignments will not qualify me for a Workman’s Compensation claim.

    That pile of crap that attendees have to sign is looking worse than the paperwork associated with a mortgage, I’m less than half-way through (and probably won’t make it because fuck it, I’m not stupid enough to sign up for anything like this).

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Thank you for sifting through as much as you did, cause I ain’t gonna do it

      • Left Coast Tom

        There’s also something about if a payment is late the “student” can stay in the local homeless shelter (once again, stealing a bed from the actual homeless?).

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          These people have no shame. They rail about the takers, and then take from the fucking homeless.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bullshit lawsuit-avoidance language.

  • remember in season #1 of true detective when we had the overhead shot of somebody on a tractor? i blurted out: that’s our killer.

    that’s our duggar.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Sounds like a VERY bad future TLC special

      • georgiaburning

        contract is probably signed already

  • starfanglednut

    Great. So the “we are not a medical facility” bullshit means none of these sickos will be getting the psychotropic meds they doubtless need. Attn Duggars: send your son to a legit treatment program! Fuck.

    • nmmagyar

      They can’t send him to an actual treatment center or someone will tell him his entire belief system is bullshit

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And we certainly can’t have THAT.

        Cripes, these people are utterly evil.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    If I had my druthers, I’d enroll in Narconon.

  • BeckyLB

    I love how they have rules against discussing your “old life”. Wow.

    Cuz, yaknow, it’s a well-known fact that one should never consider thinking or talking about past flaws, whatever they may be, in order to seek self-improvement. This is why modern therapy and counseling is focused on memorizing lines out of a book, and performing free labor. (sarcasm)

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That non-discussion of his “old life” will come in handy the next time he books a prostitute and feels a strong urge coming from who-knows-where to put his hands around her throat. (sarcasm and yet dreading the inevitable outcome of this bullshit “therapy.”)

    • jmk

      Well, if he never examines his “old” life, he’ll never be able to notice behavior patterns that would point to underlying issues that are screaming out to be examined, addressed, and resolved, or question the assumptions and ideology on which his world is based. That would never do, because that might embarrass or call into question those who hold power in his life, like Daddy and the cult leader.

      Not recognizing or addressing the real issues not only enables Josh to frame his inevitable subsequent perv-eruptions as “isolated incidents,” but also provides plausible deniability for the cult leader, Daddy, and others around Josh, and further, lets them wash their hands of him without having to face their own complicity if the number of “isolated incidents” becomes embarrassingly large.

    • I think the ban on discussion “old life” is to avoid other inmates being overly entertained hearing the escapades.

      Plus they don’t want the rehabbers to get into competitive rounds of “You think that’s bad, one time I….”

  • Roni Raven

    “Let’s Go To Rehab With Josh Duggar And Learn How To Give Our Penises To Jesus”

    Jesus wants salted rat dicks?

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Great user name!

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    How Josh got from ̶H̶o̶o̶t̶e̶r̶v̶i̶l̶l̶e̶ Duggarville to Rockford, Illinois: the family’s winged sled – LLC of course!

    http://flightaware.com/live/flight/N68SY/history

    And that flying machine itself:
    .

    • Anarchy Pony

      Of course they have a fucking airplane. At least it isn’t a fucking jet.

      • cousin itt

        You should see him handle the stick in the cockpit.

        Thank you, I’ll be here all night. Try our in-flight barf bag.

      • cousin itt

        Also too, I fucked a jet once. But the sharks were sooooo mad at me.

        • HeywoodJablomey

          “Something’s Coming”

          • jmk

            “Be coooooool, boy!”

          • HeywoodJablomey

            It may come cannonballin’ out of the sky!

        • When you fuck a jet , you’re a jet all the way. Sharks can never accept that.

        • blondeiq

          No one wants a fella wid a social disease.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s the Mile High Club to salvation.

      • Jesus take the cockpit?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Co-pilot is what I hear.

    • Left Coast Tom

      According to the flight history, they flew to Rockford, got there 12:17 AM 8/25, then took off again at 12:25 AM 8/25. Did they just dump Josh on the tarmac?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Kicked him out the door. I wonder it they even let the plane roll to a stop.

  • chimichanga

    This cannot possibly be real. Can it?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Not in any logical context. In the Duggarland/Arkansas Molestation syndicate, it can be real.

      • ofus

        I’m from the same area the Duggars are from. They aren’t typical Northwest Arkansans, most people I know think they are cuckoo. Fayetteville is actually the liberal enclave of Arkansas.

  • jviscont1

    finally, I have found a resource in Reformers Unanimous to cure me of my new-age type behaviors. Thanks Wonkette.

  • Kilia

    AMEN! lol

  • cousin itt

    Let’s Go To Rehab With Josh Duggar And Learn How To Give Our Penises To Jesus

    Christ, slow down!

    • Lady Bug

      Good God Y’all let me give you my life! Or vajayjay. Whatevs. Jesus. Whatevs.

      • But remember – Jeebus doesn’t want our gross ladybits because we’re all whores from birth. Because science!

    • bluicebank

      I tried to give my penis to Jesus. God knows I tried, because the Baptist church told me so (to not masturbate, even).

      Eventually I concluded that the directive was counter-intuitive and psychologically destructive. And at that point I fell into sin, and re-kickstarted smoking Mother Nature. But later I repented, after discovering beer, and became what polite society calls a boozer, and I was saved. Thank you, Baptist church. Still masturbating, but compensating for points in heaven … sure am done with my cheating ways, and also stopped hating on Satan because he doesn’t exist, either.

      • Malmborg Implano

        You do know I hope that the anti playing with yourself meme is based in ridiculous quack science and that it won’t hurt you a bit.

    • DsMTwoShoes

      At first I thought it was the title of a new TLC program featuring Jim Bob and the Christian bleeding sow?

  • gene108

    Josh’s parents are just enablers. He has faced no real consequences for any of the terrible things he’s done. And he’s gotten no real help.

    Too bad he’s too much of a self-centered asshole to realize he needs help and actually get the help he needs.

    • artem1s

      too bad he’s too enmeshed in the cult to ever get out of it. all of them are financially dependent on the gift circle they created. they’re gonna spend the rest of their lives trying to put together another cargo cult to take it’s place.

      • ofus

        Doesn’t his dad sell used cars or something?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Just like the solution to the gun problem is more guns, the solution to Josh’s problems is more Jeebus. If you think he’s fucked up now, just wait until these loons are done with him.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Might as well call in Dr. Bombay, the witch doctor, to help out.

      • Dr. Bombay has no time for this nonsense as he is very busy working on his golf game.
        He’s playing a round with his nurse! Get it? Playing around with his nurse! Hahahahaha!

  • Swampgas_Man

    Self-defined crime (porn addiction, screwing thy neighbor), self-defined therapy. Yes, the little fuck need REAL therapy, but he’s not going to get it until he actually hurts someone.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s not going to get it until the state intervenes and ends this fucking farce of “Christian” rehab.

  • devo-T

    I’m sorry, are those fucking Euros used as bullet points? Jesus is a terrible proofreader!

    • Beaumarchais?

      Satan’s pitchforks. Plus, they looked fancy.

      • devo-T

        Well, no one can deny there’s money in religion.

  • DsMTwoShoes

    All that is missing from this self-described Christian Heaven. Is a self-certified eye guy?
    Why is it all these hucksters fall back on “self” everything? And their followers eat it up like a free BBQ?

    • Alex Grey

      Speaking of this heaven place, isn’t it kind of a contradiction? This god character gave humans free will, so we could fuck everything up on Earth; then when we reach this so called heaven place, everything is perfect and ideal. Doesn’t that mean that free will is, in the end, revoked?

      • ofus

        If you don’t do exactly what God says, She’s sending you straight to hell where you’ll be tortured with fire for all time. You’re free to do whatever you want, though. FREE WILL!

        • Alex Grey

          Seems I’ll be living in the City of Dis, if you believe Dante.

        • LarkintheAM

          I always wondered why Ol’ Scratch, who allegedly hates God and wants to rule in his place, would be so obliging to him as to punish for him the people he deems unworthy of heaven because they have sinned. You’d think instead, if he wanted to turn souls away from God, he’d celebrate those who sin, turning hell into the biggest eternal party possible, with every kind of vice there for the taking. But when you’re making up a villain (and an excuse for why people behave evilly), it wouldn’t do to make the bad guy appealing, logic be damned.

  • actor212

    I gave my penis to Jesus and he was all like, “Take. Eat.” So I zipped up and got out of there before the other twelve could gobble it.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      I find this comment disturbing to fap to.

  • Paperless Tiger

    He’ll have to write, “I will not spill my seed on the belly of a whore,” a thousand times.

    • superdave

      So buttsecks is still cool, right?

  • SmotPoker

    The Duggars aren’t interested in “fixing” Josh.

    No. Their goal is to rehabilitate THEIR image.

    Spoiler Alert: It ain’t going to work. Time for you fuckheads to get out of the house, and get real jobs.

    • wil9000

      Maybe if they got him fixed, like one gets a puppy “fixed”, he’d stop humping them whores.

  • wil9000

    Major offense: Intentional destruction of God’s property.
    Uh, couldn’t that mean anything? That pizza is made from things that are, by default, God’s property, so if you eat it, 30 days in the hole. (although, isn’t “in the hole” what got these guys there in the first place?)

    • artem1s

      I assumed that meant no ‘spilling your seed’, hehehehe!

  • LarkintheAM

    The “treatment” he needs is deprogramming from the awful crap the”Christian” Patriarchy cult has been stuffing into his head from birth. When you pathologize not just sex, but sexual feelings, the way these folks do, it’s no wonder that they are all so messed up. Instead, they are just going to make him even more of a candidate for the psych ward than he already is. Truly I feel sorry for him, and for anybody caught up in the evil morass that is Quiverfull and its hellish cousins

  • nightmoth

    Josh Duggar and the other repressed horndogs are going to learn how to have
    “a love affair with Jesus” and Catholic nuns “marry” Jesus—I always thought that people-loving Jesus was bi, and it looks like I’m right.

    • onedrewthree

      I always wondered why it only seems to be woman in the adoration of Mary crowd. Shouldn’t there be more pervy dudes on their knees, rubbing their rosaries thinking about those arabic thighs parting?

      • nightmoth

        A lot of theologians think that Mariology was a replacement for the pagan goddess worship that the Church stamped out. People want to pray to a supernatural being that they think understands them. It’s just easier for women to pray about their troubles with husbands, children, fertility, etc. to a woman/goddess rather than a man/god. Makes sense.

  • Malmborg Implano

    I’ve read up a bit on the subject of sexual predators and correct me if I’m wrong but at this point in time there is no evidence-based “cure” for these people. In fact, given the porn star’s recent revelations about Josh’s pursuit of “rough sex,” he poses a considerable danger to the public, as sexual sadists tend to get more and more violent as they go through life. Sending him off to be prayed over and then saying “There, we fixed it” is just another way of covering for him. He’s just going to do it again the first chance he gets, and let’s not kid ourselves, he’s going to be hurting people.

    The only thing we can do is to identify them and physically prevent them access to potential victims.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      That is not necessarily true. While yeah, molesters don’t get cured, the entire rough sex thing could likely be curbed- or he could find a willing partner with safe words and such with consensual hard core whatever it is. Before it gets out of hand and someone dies.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Right. Like that could happen in Duggarville. More likely is that he’ll try to repress things until he snaps and either kills a hooker or dies of autoerotic asphyxiation like David Carradine.

        I’m assuming of course, that he hasn’t already killed a hooker and that’s the next skeleton to fall out of his closet.

      • Mintie

        The adult video lady claimed Josh said he thought she liked that kind of rough sex. This leads me to think–and yes, I can’t believe I’m defending JOSH DUGGER GOD HELP ME WHERE IS THE BLEACH–that he (choose one or a combination of the below)

        A) Doesn’t realize that professional porn is entirely staged, that the “violence” he’s seeing is not real violence, and that the actors probably are pretending to get off on the violence.

        B) That the actors know how to have “rough sex” in a safe way, and as someone who doesn’t, he shouldn’t engage in it until he does.

        C) That even if you partner is into “rough sex,” you don’t have to do it–most BDSM people are okay with vanilla sex, especially if you’re paying them for it.

        Ergo, it’s not a good idea at this time to assume he’s into beating his *gag* “lovers.”

        On the flip side, I also cautioned waiting on calling him a molester when the sister-diddling first hit the news, so I’m probably wrong.

        • Pax

          You are funny, and you are right about the information you’ve shared so I’m guessing you’re not wrong about anything you’ve said here.

    • D_C_Wilson

      What? The Catholic Church has spent decades sending their pedophile priests to be prayed over and that has totally prevented them from reoffending, right?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Oh, the therapy will work just as intended, only problem is it`s geared towards learning not to get caught, not to stop the destructive behavior.

  • onedrewthree

    As if religion wasn’t creepy enough. A checkbox on what if you think you are going to spirit land with one line to defend your answer…. chilling.

  • Teto85

    Therapy, but no sharing your story. No talking about what you did or your motivations, just how you love Jebus and want to dedicate your life to him and let him change you. All for $7500. You have to admire it, grifters being grifted.

  • “No cult type behavior.” Except for theirs, of course…

  • mtn_philosoph
  • Rickyphoo

    If this was a just world, Duggar would be sharing a cell with Jared Fogel. They would have so much to talk about.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Ah, the circular world of christofascists, violation Nr.4 sees you back to square one, do not pass go, do not collect any porn or other treats. Which means he has a blank slate again right? So Nr.5 will never come into play, `cause Jesus reasons.
    Got o love the mandatory narc system, making sure everyone is getting properly paranoid, and never talks about anything upsetting, cause that would be like secular therapy, and that way madness and demons lie.

Previous articleScrew You Guys, Gov. Paul LePage Gonna Go Be A Senator Now
Next articleJohn Boehner Said A Swear About Ted Cruz!