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Yep, lady, that's your God, stone cold rollin' His eyes at you.
Yep, lady, that’s your God, stone cold rollin’ His eyes at you.

Here is your latest update on Kim Davis, martyr to the Christian masses and county clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, who has been crucified by Teh Buttsechs Gods (read: the Supreme Court and the Constitution and Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear) more times than she can even count. Davis has already been ‘splained repeatedly that part of her duties as the county clerk is to do marriage licenses, and since the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with marriage equality, that includes gays. And the poor thing had been told by the wingnut “legal” outfit Liberty Counsel that it would be okay if she disobeyed, and also she should sue the governor because her religious freedom is being taken away. Heck, they’d even represent her!

Of course they didn’t tell her about how they are shitty bad lawyers who only exist to drum up sympathy cash for poor, persecuted wingnuts, and also they lose a lot. Anyway, a federal judge told Davis Wednesday to go fuck herself. Here’s what the judge thinks about Davis’s whining about her poor, put-upon “religious freedom”:

Davis again argues that the Beshear directive substantially burdens her religious freedom without serving a compelling state interest. The record in this case suggests that the burden is more slight. As the Court has already pointed out, Davis is simply being asked to signify that couples meet the legal requirements to marry. The State is not asking her to condone same-sex unions on moral or religious grounds, nor is it restricting her from engaging in a variety of religious activities. Davis remains free to practice her Apostolic Christian beliefs. She may continue to attend church twice a week, participate in Bible Study and minister to female inmates at the Rowan County Jail. She is even free to believe that marriage is a union between one man and one woman, as many Americans do. However, her religious convictions cannot excuse her from performing the duties that she took an oath to perform as Rowan County Clerk. The Court therefore concludes that Davis is unlikely to suffer a violation of her free exercise rights under [the Kentucky Constitution].

And there you are, wingnuts. That paragraph is all you will EVER need to know about what is your religious practice and what is NOT your religious practice, according to the Constitution of the US and A. You can HATE the gays! You can go to wingnut church a whole bunch of times! You can go to the jail and say, “Hi, I am Kim the bigot lady wingnut, and I’d like to tell you heathen criminals about my best friend Jesus.” You can do opposite marriage! Hell, if you are Kim Davis, you can do opposite marriage FOUR TIMES!

But you don’t get a pass from doing your job, so sorry. If you cannot do that, you are Religiously Free, as we have previously suggested, to get a better job that suits your religious beliefs better, like maybe make artistic Bible scene dioramas out of Doral Menthol 100 cigarette butts and sell them on Etsy, that might be fun.

Sorry you lost, loser. Oh what, you appealed already? Yeah, you’ll lose that one too. But you’re still hopeful about how maybe your lawsuit against the governor might go real good for you? Doubt it. Oh, you’re going to defy this judge’s order, too, because you think you’re above the law? Oh wait, you ALREADY HAVE DEFIED IT? Jesus, lady, you’re not going to be employed very long at this rate!

Better get to smoking those menthols, your Last Supper shadowbox project’s not gonna glue itself together.

[WVXU / PDF of ruling via JoeMyGod]

 

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  • Spotts1701

    Well it’ll be a lot easier to minister to the inmates when you’re one of them, Kim.

    • Seriously. How many times can she defy the Governor and the courts before she gets something more than a stern letter?

      • chicken thief

        She is white, so…. many, many?

      • Malmborg Implano

        Clearly she’s been given the OK to do this by her superiors or she would be long gone. I’m a career public servant and in none of my jobs have I been allowed to say, “Aw gee, I know it’s in my job description and I know it’s the law, but I’m not gonna do that.”

      • Unfortunately, she’s an elected official, so she can likely only be removed by impeachment.

        • JohnR

          What about being prosecuted for denial of Civil Rights or something, not a lawyer here.

          • nmmagyar

            Me either but I don’t know if the state of KY has the stones to prosecute. Feds could step in, but I don’t think they will (yet).

  • Beowoof14

    Oh Kim just swallow and get to work.

    • The Molten Soul

      Her resting bitch face indicates she doesn’t like to swallow. Thus all the divorce.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    The Liberty Council – FKA “I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm!”

    • Reddishrabbit

      Who else would represent the most prosecuted and repressed minority in the world against the Gay Mafia and the Aethiest Unionist?

      • memzilla

        Lionel Hutz, Esq.

        • MsAnthropesMr

          What’s that you say? Drink me?

  • Lizzietish81

    The Donald should visit her and tell her she’s fired.

    • dslindc

      And that she is a LOSER, also too!

  • Lizzietish81

    You know who else made religious people act against their religious beliefs?

    • Belasaurius

      Jesus?

      • Antimassacree

        And then along came a Samaritan…

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …the creators of Grindr?

    • Duckbudder

      My cousin Steve

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Gore Vidal, who successfully lobbied to work some gay subtext into Ben Hur without Charlton Heston realizing it?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Justin Harris?

      What, too soon?

    • Ol’ King Pharoh?

    • calliecallie

      Harrison Ford when he hid with those Amish that time?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Liberty Counsel:

    Good luck getting this ratchet twat to pay her legal fees once she gets her ass handed to her again by the 6th Circuit. Hope you both enjoy a long and fruitful bankruptcy.

    Oh, and PS to Ms. Davis: appeal all you want. Kentucky taxpayers are eventually going to get fed up with your bullshit shenanigans and march your homophobic ass right out of town and, hopefully, right out of the state.

    Kisses,

    EQ

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Not necessarily an issue. I believe Liberty Counsel usually work Pro Bonehead.

      • Michael Smith

        Yeah they probably get donations from wealthy like-minded groups – sort of like the ACLU but exactly the opposite.

  • diogenez

    I hear Duggar TV is hiring, but the pay isn’t so great.

    • The Molten Soul

      Only two fingers a week.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez Kim, I’m sure that some of the clerks that married you and your 4 husbands were against man marrying a pink muppet pig! But somehow they were able to get that done!!!

    • elpinche

      Not to be mistaken with the other muppet pig. Miss Piggy’s love for Kermit is eternal…that’s cross species love, man.

      • Lizzietish81

        aren’t they breaking up?

        • nmmagyar

          Yep

  • Marc

    Kim the hut is proof: it’s derp all the way down.

  • Belasaurius

    So this sign is a fuckin’ liar

    • Michael Smith

      I think it means that tax revenue for education ends up paying for other, dumber things.

    • Lizzietish81

      This reminds me of when my hometown got a bunch of signs saying “Saugus USA, Someplace Special” and everytime we saw one my mom would be like “Look! A teacher!”

    • Malmborg Implano

      Well, it pays if you have connections to the governor and own an educational supplies company.

    • Mickey Donovan

      They cut off the bottom of the sign where it says “the price for our ignorance”.

  • Joshua Norton

    Davis again argues

    You can practically HEAR the judge’s eye roll in that statement.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Where is Jesus when you need him to explain his Constitution to these wicked judges?

    You might think Liberty Counsel are the worst lawyers ever, but at least they show up.

  • Bill Slider

    This. Woman. Is. Why. Wonkette. Has. Rules. For. Radicals.
    She, and those like her, are why I read Wonkette, as she is not a member of my Suck a Dick for Christ fraternity.

    • The Molten Soul

      What are the dues? I’d like to join…

  • Do you ask prospective heterosexual candidates if either of them was divorced for a reason other than adultery that their partner committed? No? Then you’re full of shit. Do your fucking job.

  • freakishlystrong

    America 2015. “Religious Freedom”=Discrimination.
    “Courage” = handing vulnerable girls to rapists.
    “Deep Bench” = the most revolting collection of pin-wheel eyed zealots for a POTUS candidate ever seen.

    • marxalot

      War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Stupidity is Intelligence, Vote GOP.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Where are those bumper stickers? I need one

    • Thaumaturgist

      Deep Bench = Deep Derp

      • riledupone

        Deep belch.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Whatever happened to this sentiment:

    “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.…”

    I know some hippie carpenter said that, but he think ranked higher on the scale than that idiot Paul.

    • MsAnthropesMr

      That’s not part of the bible I like, therefore, I choose to ignore it. Like the part about Shrimp, particularly when Red Lobster has a special. Or the part about polyester and cotton mixing, because that fabric shed tartar sauce stains so beautifully. I do like the part about Elisha sending kids to get ate by bears tho – that’s pretty cool. And the Song of Solomon is pretty good for a spank bank.

      • Thaumaturgist

        Whoever knew that polyester sheds tartar sauce stains so beautifully. I believe nasty, vile snark is my new religion, for it certainly has opened doors for me that I never before knew existed.

    • LarkintheAM

      I am of the opinion that the Fundagelicals really wish that they were 1st century Jews, as the Old Testament is really their favorite. But out of the New Testament, they really ♥ Paul the most, as he seems to be the their sort. 2Th 3:10 is where they get their theological basis for their “screw the poor” doctrine.

      • willi0000000

        if they ♥ paul, should they not be ♠ ?

    • Malmborg Implano

      She’s just another Cafeteria Christian.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Horn and Hardass?

    • eddi

      Most ‘Murican Christians don’t read the New Testament. Not enough action. They just skip over to Revelation.

    • James Christopher Owen

      “Render unto Caesar” also, too…

      • riledupone

        Only at the salad bar.

  • memzilla

    In any sane universe, refusing to do your job because of an invisible being would be ipso facto grounds for dismissal, imprisonment, and psychiatric detention. This being the South, of course, who wants to bet me that she’ll get a quiverful of jerb offers?

    • Malmborg Implano

      Yes, and anyone who hires her will have to deal with the fact that her entire persona is now built around refusing to do her job. People who do that seldom stop at refusing to do just one thing.

  • Bureaucrap

    Unfortunately, the Kentucky Supreme Court will probably side with her and we will see her in the US Supreme Court next April.

    • Tess

      I am actually stunned that it hasn’t taken two years to get to this ruling. Another lawsuit and an appeal to the SCOUS? That will be 2020.

      • calliecallie

        I find couscous very appealing.

  • marxalot

    I’m so thoroughgoingly tired of this woman. Can we hit ‘snooze’ on her and tune back in after she’s been fired? Or at least after the coffee has taken hold?

  • jviscont1

    seeing her face at my jail cell door to minister me seems a violation of cruel and unusual punishment protections.

    • Mickey Donovan

      But at least your libido would be dampened down, preventing any of those jailhouse sex things from happening.

    • riledupone

      Prollly reduced the recidivism rate.

  • Michael Smith

    This is just like the time I was a Muslim and got a job at Boston Market, but refused to serve anyone ham so I got fired.

    • elpinche

      You should have gotten a Liberty Counsel attorney….wait. Nevermind.

      • Michael Smith

        Then later I walked into the Liberty Counsel to seek representation and I got shot.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Reminds me of the time I got a job at Old Navy and burned all the merchandise that had mixed wool and linen. Can you believe they fired me?

  • MsAnthropesMr

    “I got a right to have whatever I want and that’s it.” – Kim Davis

  • The Molten Soul

    Now American Jesus has to abandon the cross to put on his litigation suit.

  • schmannity

    Religious freedom is just another word for nuthin’ left to lose.
    That’s all Justice Kennedy left me.

  • exinkwretch

    After striking out four times, maybe she should consider batting for the other team!

    • marxalot

      We don’t want her. Not enough toaster ovens in the world.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Not to mention the army of professionals we’d have to deploy just to fix her hair into something that doesn’t look like a gerbil’s asshole.

        • cynmac

          then there is this…

          • jmk

            I can almost hear how crispy that hair is.

          • cynmac

            It’s her crowning glory!

        • Thaumaturgist

          Wait. Didn’t you say you could make Bristol Palin look human? All by yourself? Why all of a sudden would it take an army to rescue one gerbil?

        • nmmagyar

          Nah, just a pair of clippers and a softball uniform

          • elviouslyqueer

            Justin Harris LIBEL!

          • nmmagyar

            Pu-leeze. That marshmallow man hasn’t attempted exercise since 8th grade gym class

      • riledupone

        Not even with someone else’s tongue.

  • Pollos Hermanos

    Keep in mind that the Liberty Counsel is the same outfit who faced a RICO suit for helping kidnap a child from her gay mother.

    • Angry_Cop

      They seem nice

  • mateo

    can someone dumb’splain to me why the hell this lady still has a job?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Danged public sector unions.

    • She hasn’t done anything really bad, like not signaling a lane change while black.

    • SnarkTank

      I’m pretty sure she’s in an elected position, which means she’d have to be recalled, not fired.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    How many levels of appeal can she clear before Scalia kicks the bucket? It’s a race against time.

    • Angry_Cop

      demons don’t die, fool

      • Lord-Nash

        He’s not dead yet?

      • riledupone

        They just blaze away.

    • James Christopher Owen

      Oh, you thought Scalia was actually ALIVE? That’s so cute.

  • SnarkOff

    Seriously, fuck these people and their religious freedom.

    • Paperless Tiger

      … to paraphrase the Constitution.

    • chicken thief

      With a dry Donald Trump butt plug!

  • chicken thief

    With her level of self-righteousness and persecution complex one would think she had relatives in Wasilla or something.

    • Suttree

      Or Golgotha.

  • Me not sure

    Will someone who knows the law answer this question for me? Is it possible for the judge to find her in contempt and have her locked up to force compliance?

    • Angry_Cop

      Possible, yes. As a practical matter, that’s just not done, especially with an appeal already filed.

      • Me not sure

        Thanx.

        • SeriousSummer

          However, when Prez Ms. Hillary appoints me to the bench, she’d be in the hoosegow already.
          Life time tenure means never having to say you’re sorry.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Yeah, that would be an extreme solution at this point in the process. (I was going to throw in “in extremis” there but that would just be showing off.) Jumping the gun might even give her Christian shysters a plausible argument to have the judge removed from the case. Once she burns through all her appeals, if she still insists on flipping the bird at the law, she could be held in contempt.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I throw in “in extremis” when I make a Craigslist personal ad.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Davis asks the Court to deem her “absent,” for purposes of this statute, because she has a religious objection to issuing the licenses. While this is certainly a creative interpretation, Davis offers no legal precedent to support it

    HAHAHAHA. I believe the legal term for this is “OH SNAP YA BURNT BITCH.”

    • Lord-Nash

      Elvi, I think it’s time to pull a Joseph Smith and start your own religion. I really don’t give a shit what the tenets or creeds of this new religion are, but one of them must be a Sincerely Held Religious Belief TM that heteros are disgusting and vile. Oh, and refuse service to teh straits as well. See how these assholes like it when the same shit is used against them.

      What’s that? Oh, you’ve thought about doing just that but won’t because you aren’t racist bigoted fearful assholes that would stoop to such a crappy level because you basically try to be decent and respectful to others around you and try to treat people how you’d want to be treated? Well OK FINE THEN.

      • Suttree

        Can we be opted in if there was that one time at band camp? Asking for a friend.

  • iamnotascientist

    But what if she really, REALLY doesn’t want to…See? TWO “really”s and one is capitalized…

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      I cannot argue with your logic.

    • riledupone

      Should done all their filings in ALLLCAPZ!!1!

  • PirateCafe

    She should be bodily removed from the office, locks changed, and any deputy sympathetic to her booted as well.

  • Lord-Nash

    “But you don’t get a pass from doing your job, so sorry.”
    Forget #SorryNotSorry I’m #NotSorryNotSorry.

  • PirateCafe

    Has the LetMeGriftYou account been set up yet?

  • You may be the queen of your small town, able to protect your dognapping daughter and avoid all consequences from your many divorces, but if you think you can ignore a federal judge, you’ve got quite the wakeup call coming your way.

    • janecita

      Her daughter did what?

        • janecita

          Those two are horrible people. Poor doggie:-(
          And this woman is a Democrat, I guess that there isn’t much of a difference between the two parties in that God forsaken county.

          • Not at all. Not sure if it’s that article that points it out or not, but the “Democrats” there are far more conservative than most GOP pols, and are basically just a small-town political machine.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Boy, they’re so isolated and backward they haven’t even gone through the evolutionary process from traditional Democrats to Dixiecrats to full-blown Republicans. Now them’s traditional values.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            DING DING DING DING DING

            These are the “Democrats” that the Rethug idiots talk about as being slaveowners and whatnot.

          • Suttree

            I have met Louisiana republicans more progressive than this.

          • James Christopher Owen

            Too many KY Democrats are of the “boll weevil” sort.

  • goonemeritus

    Laws aren’t really laws until they are upheld in court. As such this brave woman is doing courageous work securing the rights of same sex couples everywhere. I’m sure when she stands at the feet of her God that fact will give her solace.

  • amazon_ww

    I would LOVE to be the person to finally hand her her pinkslip.

  • chicken thief

    Davis is not the only loon in her office. Apparently there is a staff of six or seven and only one is positively willing to honor the law of the land. Davis, however, told him not to issue any licenses. The others either agree with Davis or ‘aren’t sure’.

    Her office, btw, stopped issuing ALL marriage licenses not just the ones for the cootie filled gheyz. The suit in on behalf of two same sex and two opposite sex marriage application couples.

    All of this because the clerk’s office verifies the name, date of birth, and address of the applicants.

    That Jesus guy sure is a ball buster.

    • Thaumaturgist

      In all fairnes, if you aren’t independently wealthy and you don’t have another job lined up, and you’re already resigned to dealing with this woman to keep your only source of income, what are you going to say when she asks you whether you stand with Jesus? That’s the reason the were so many “outside agitators” in the south in the sixties.

  • Doug White

    Put… her… in… jail. Now.

    • mfp

      some people just need a day’s taste of jail menu to get they minds right, knowhatimean?

  • Ilgattomorte

    *** 20 second Spot ***
    “Have gay people tried to marry you? Are you a clerk, baker or florist who wants nothing to do with gay marriage? Do your deep religious beliefs compel you to shun people who are engaging in activities that run counter to the will of God? Then call the law offices of The Liberty Council.”

    “You could be entitled to a long, drawn out federal lawsuit and a viral video featuring you and all of your deeply held beliefs. The Liberty Council will defend your religious views, appeal and appeal again until there is nowhere else to appeal. We will get your views out there and maybe even win. While no one cannot guarantee outcome we can guarantee that we will do God’s work.”

    “So, if you or a loved one have been forced to make a gay cake, call now”
    “If you or a loved one can see a mosque from any window, call now”
    “If you or a loved one have been aborted by Obamacare, call now.”
    “If you or a loved one have been the victim of any gay interaction, be it physical, mental or floral, then call now.”

    “The Liberty Council, acting as the sword of God since 2012”

    • chicken thief

      “The Liberty Council, acting as the sword of God since 2012”

      Well done! But may I suggest one minor edit?

      …acting UNSUCCESSFULLY as the sword…

    • Major_Major_Major

      Minor tweak, amazing grace playing in the background and images of rainbow-clad jackbooted paramilitaries taking batons to jayzuz

    • bardgal

      Followed by a Better Call Saul ad.

  • diogenez

    Why does this bitch still have a job?

    • berkeleyfarm

      She’s an elected official apparently, so there’s a Process.

      • laineypc

        Inpeach!!!!1!!!

        • bardgal

          I’d prefer she was jailed for contempt.

  • Bless her heart.

  • Fly

    Kim believes Michele Bachmann is right and we are approaching the end of times. All Kim has to do is ride it out a little longer and she will be raptured as a martyred saint. In the end, however, Kim fought the law and the law won.

  • Jared James

    OBJECTION! Liberty Counsel exists mainly to drum up sympathy cash from poor, persecuted wingnuts, not for them.

    The losing a lot part is just a side benefit.

    • Suttree

      It certainly helps the persecuted Christian martyr complex industry. I await the staid opinion of martyr O’fuckingreally? on this subject.

  • MrBlobfish

    Maybe she will convert to Islam when in prison.

    • nmmagyar

      Or Lesbianism. Or both!!!!

  • docterry6973

    Keep it up wingnuts. The next step is a suit demanding national civil rights protection because some states have created de jure discrimination against gay people. Gays become a protected class and that’s the ballgame.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yeah, it’s called the Equal Rights Amendment and it only needs 3 more states to become law.

      • bardgal

        However, “theoretically”, we shouldn’t need it, since we have the 14th Amendment, which covers everyone. Apparently, we need these kinds of EXTRA clarifications to make sure (stupid) Old White Men are aware that equality applies to everyone else as well, not just THEM.

  • toomanyrappers

    Not a soul in Kansas refused to starve the poor…

    Christians indeed.

    *(Give me a fucking break.)

  • Bob@Bob.com

    Wait, county clerks take an oath? WTF.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If you’re an elected official (and in this case Ms. “Christian” bigot is) you take an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. Please to note that this says zilch about the book of goatherder fairy tales.

      • Bob@Bob.com

        County clerks are elected? I need a civics lesson

        • berkeleyfarm

          In some counties they are. Local option.

    • berkeleyfarm

      When I worked for a local government agency (in a non-supervisory, non-elected position), I swore an oath to uphold and defend the Constitutions of California and the US. Pretty standard, I think.

      • riledupone

        Many years ago I worked for Canada Post and when I was hired I had to swear an oath of loyalty to ‘Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and all her heirs and successors’. Wuz a union jerb though.

  • CrankyLiberal

    I understand that the Americans with Disabilities Act may cover Jesus believers who apparently have a mental deficiency that prevents them from recognizing democracy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or the law.

  • say wha

    Tenuously Held Religious Beliefs.

    • Bren

      I’m sorry I thought you said Teaparty Held Religious Beliefs for a moment there.

  • Sam Hain

    Yeah but what if her appeal makes it to the supreme court…oh wait.

  • crisptickle

    So, now the government restricts her to go to church no more than twice a week. Inpeach!!11!!!

  • Sam Hain

    I still think she wears sweatpants whenever the opportunity presents and smells of old cat piss.

    • Billy Rubin

      Occasionally, fresh cat piss too.

      • bardgal

        And what’s wrong with that gents? ;)

  • Blackest Noobs

    Christians of the 21st Century are Our Assholes of the century.

    just like the Slave Masters of the South in the 18th century were the Assholes of that century…they were also Christians too, but I don’t think there’s a connection.

  • GDleftyPart2

    Well there it is…..if her signing a form or baking a damn cake means she’s sanctioning and participating in a marriage then the gun seller is participating in the murder committed by said weapon once it fires freedom projectiles into an innocent.
    Thanks for making it so clear wingnuts.

    • eddi

      Shooting themselves in the foot, metaphorically or for real, is aregular occurrence down South of Mason-Dixon. Speaking of which, and having yoouge walls on my mind; The only downside is having to move the national capitol again.

  • mothernatureearthmom

    unfreakinbelievable ! She is still refusing to issue the licenses as of this moment.

    and since these clerks are elected, she can’t just be fired. A special election would have to be held to get her out of office. smdh

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Then she should sit in jail until that special election is held. Look how much chance she’ll have to minister to prisoners!

  • Cismontane

    And here folks is yet another graphic example of the inherent incompatibility between American Wingnutia and the Rule of Law.

  • Incoming Ham

    Another day in Wingnutbutistanville.

  • Otto66

    A women married 4 times takes the moral high ground? Ironic much?
    Don’t see how much clearer the Judge could have been. Nice job Judge guy.

  • Teto85

    Fire her ass.

  • bardgal

    Jail her for contempt.

  • Suz M

    Whose job is it to appoint the next in line to that position, or to call for an election to replace her? I can’t remember which tv show it was, but this is like the storyline where the person quits/is fired, and shows up for work anyway. Security would be escorting us right back out of the building. What’s the holdup here?

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