Old Handsome Joe Biden, what did you do to your widdle face??? It is all bangeded up, did Jill punch you? WHY ARE YOU PUNCHING THE VICE PRESIDENT IN THE MOUTH, JILL BIDEN? Just kidding, she did not punch him, she loves him so much she gay married him. Instead the boo-boo on OHJB’s face came from his dog, Champ. Explain the news to us, AP:
Vice President Joe Biden is on the mend from a minor bruise after a little canine roughhousing.
Biden was seen on Monday with a dark, penny-sized contusion just below his lower lip. The bruise didn’t appear to be a serious injury.
What is this, BRITISH MEDIA? A little canine roughhousing led to a WEE CONTUSION for the vice president Monday, pip pip, what a NAUGHTY pooch!
So Champ is a German shepherd, and we have known German shepherds named “Champ” before (for reals, “Champ” is like the “Kaitlin” of the shepherd world), and we understand how this could very easily happen, since the damn dogs are taller than people when they stand up, and they have SO MUCH LOVE to give that they will knock their humans off cliffs, accidentally, if they get excited, even worse if they’re sexcited.
Of course, this isn’t OHJB’s first brush with “canine roughhousing,” and certainly not with German shepherds, because he LOVES THEM, and no, Ken Layne writing on Wonket in 2008, that does NOT make him insane, it makes him lovable. And then there was that time Biden said his big dog was smarter than President Obama’s dumb “I don’t look like a dog” dog, and that was probably ALSO true.
And then there was that time a Secret Service dog fell six stories to its death, all because it was sniffing around doing “security clearance” for Biden aka probably trying to MAKE SURE there was marijuana hidden somewhere in the area, not that OHJB would know anything about that. We don’t want to talk about that story anymore, because it involves dogs dying, can we talk about something funner like unborned fetus parts yard sales instead?
Anyway, point is, Vice President Biden, you should know this already, but when you’re playing with one of your big-ass German shepherds and you’re all “COME AT ME BRO,” and the dog is all “I AM COMING AT YOU RIGHT NOW,” it’s a good idea to throw a knee up, to keep it from knocking you to the ground and injuring your old handsome face.