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Fancy a roll in the gay?

Back in my day, you didn’t just HAVE buttsex. You had to work for it, and each time you got it was a special treat. You had to walk uphill to get it, both ways, in the snow, and when you got there, your pecker was simply too frostbitten to get your reward. Ever tried to jam an icicle between a rock and a hard place? It breaks. And that was your pecker.

Wingnut radio host Steve Deace:

You had to have the welfare state before the sexual revolution … Prior to the welfare state, decadence in affluent cultures like ours, usually only happened, primarily happened, in the affluent classes, where you could afford to have multiple wives, where you could afford to have gay lovers …

Do you know what a good gay lover costs these days? (We didn’t ask YOU, Gawker.) Why, when I was younger, my mother used to give us two nickels and we’d go down to the Woolworth’s and buy ourselves a milkshake and piece of butterscotch candy, but we never would have thought of taking a gay lover, those cost at least a quarter and, well, we come from humble beginnings. Daddy’s boss, though, he had gay lovers, and Daddy — your grandfather — would say, “Son, this is America. If you work hard enough in school and apply yourself, maybe one day you can have your own collection of male fucktoys. Sadly, your mother and I will never have that much money.”

The average worker in the worker class … could barely afford one wife and one group of kids, rather than to act out immorally, didn’t have someone else picking up the tab for his immoral actions. No one was subsidizing his depravity. We have that today.

After the war, everything changed. The men were coming home from battle and trying to rebuild their lives, and so the government decided to create all kinds of programs to help them buy houses and go to college and all that, but as with most big government liberal experiments, all that happened was a massive increase in welfare-mooching buttsexers, sitting at home all day doing buttsex with YOUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS GRRRR.

John Stemberger, head of the Florida Family Policy Council, agrees with Deace:

These kind of arrangements are almost like luxuries. People who are hard-working and having to be self-sufficient, and are not going to be propped up by the government, don’t have the luxury of doing stupid, immoral things.

Americans with a healthy work ethic just don’t have time for buttsex. They can do P-in-V sex to their wives, because that only takes 30 or 45 seconds for the average Wingnut-American. Oh but look at you, Little Lord Fauntleroy, with your convertible and your yacht and your golfing trips with the King of Spain, you must have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD for buttsex, well isn’t that just FANCY DAN?

[Right Wing Watch via RawStory]

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  • Belasaurius

    i’m literally speechless. These twunts have built arguments against the New Deal, but until today I never read the New Deal=Buttsex=Jesus baby cry side of it.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      WPA = We’re Probing Ass.

      • bluicebank

        The CCC boys claim libel.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Crazy Conservative Christians?
          My sister is one of them

          • bluicebank

            Uh, no. Cock & Cock Corps.

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            They built the first ski run on Monarch Pass, and a couple of stone bridges in the area too, god love ’em.

    • Jeamonn

      The Blue Ridge parkway would of been done in half the time if it wasn’t for all the butt sex slowing it down.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        All my friends there
        Older than those ridge
        Younger than the mountains
        Blowin’ like a breeze

    • arundel

      It’s seriously so hard to know here to start with it.

      A century ago, if you were queer (like me!) the navy was the place to be, young man. See the world, no-questions-asked blowjobs from your buddy in dark corners of the ship (there were many) after dark. No one talked about it because it was not a big deal, just fooling around, and how did that cost the government money, again? As opposed to the VD sailors would pick up sometimes in foreign ports, with prostitutes? I’m sort of an amateur but ardent student of lost gay history, and way back then a wily gay sailor who wanted to blow some handsome hayseed would be all, “Oh, I’ll help you out buddy, you don’t want to catch something from the whores of Shanghai! Let me unbutton this..”. Seriously, in the days before penicillin, casual and unspoken-of down-low sexing was considered safer and better with shipmates than sex with foreign prostitutes in ports of call. The code was, never talk about it after, or ever.

      What was my point? Oh yeah, that lots and lots of gay activity, in the military or not, never cost the taxpayers nothing. People often like to have sex for free! And i’m not aware about the expense of pregnancy or childbearing after gay sextimes, ever. That is news to me!

  • Doogie Fresh

    Jesus, these guys…..they’re really really reaching here, aren’t they?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    So…….rich people are ammoral deviants? Is that what they are saying?

    • MsAnthropesMr

      They’re different than you and me.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I believe you. Because while I am ALL for eating the rich and all, I really have no care to dwell on how much freak they can get with their money.
        Because jealousy

  • MsAnthropesMr

    Huh. Is this the same Steve Deace who wrote the following?

    We simply want the same thing you already have—prosperity and influence. Furthermore, we want you to be able to keep as much of the fruits of your labors as possible. We want you to pass it on to your children and grandchildren while you’re at it.

    Sounds like, to me, using his logic, that the prosperity to do the buttsex is something that you strive for.

    • Malmborg Implano

      I find his use of the term fruits highly offensive however. “We want you to be able to keep as much of the LGBT community of your labors as possible” would be more acceptable.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        “Fruits” sorta queered his whole argument.

    • Suddenly, I am much more sympathetic to arguments about repealing the Death Tax.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        For reals! Who’s your (sugar) daddy?

    • guppy06

      Passing on my “fruits” to my children and grandchildren is a little too kinky for me.

    • nmmagyar

      Passing your “fruits”, which I take to mean “gay lovers” in this context, to your children sounds an awful lot like they want to bring back at least one aspect of slavery.

  • baconzgood

    So what does say about the Jerb creators

    • guppy06

      They create the opportunity for (gay) blow jerbs.

  • Captain Kraut

    Isn’t it proof against their “unnatural” argument, if even straw men can be gay?

  • Malmborg Implano

    These facts about gay history are from what Charlie Pierce has identified as the right wing’s favorite information source, Professor Otto Yourass.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If I had only known sooner that this was the inevitable result of years of social activism trying to foster a more humane and compassionate society, I might have opted to….be a Republican.

  • bluicebank

    “You had to have the welfare state before the sexual revolution.”

    The fuck you did. It was The Pill, bitch. Before then, you had to worry about getting butt babies from yer buttsex in the park (or after you done jumped the fence into the drive-in for the B movie).

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      It was the pill. And maybe Brigitte Bardot.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    “a gay lover, those cost at least a quarter”

    If you were any good at this, couldn’t you be the one making the quarter?

    Asking for a gay Republican friend.

  • Wait wait wait … how do I apply for all this subsidized depravity? Did I miss out because I already had insurance and didn’t have to do the whole Obamacare thing? Thanks, Obama!

  • ryp

    A fresh take on the Poverty Builds Character meme eternally popular with conservative scolds who always seem to think they themselves do just fine without it.

    • Well THEY don’t need to “build character.” The rich can simply have a bunch of 12-year old Malaysian girls manufacture it for them for pennies a day!

  • So prostitution isn’t the world’s oldest profession? What is?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Religious grift?

  • Sounds like somebody never spent a week living in a southern trailer park.

    All the drunken buttsex you want for the price of a six pack of Coors Lite.

    • Whereabouts in the South is this trailer park, exactly?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        And here I thought you had standards…

        • “Any drunken redneck will do” is a standard…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Welcome to Arizona.

          • beatbort

            Yes, but Coors Lite?!
            You would at least need Budweiser, no?

      • guppy06

        On the frontage road alongside the interstate. All of them.

        • jennofark

          I think you meant “all of ’em, Katie.”

    • PubOption

      Do they squeal like pigs?

    • dslindc

      Ew, Coors Light. No buttsechs for you!

  • ryp

    When you are an asshole, all sex looks like buttsex.

  • Joshua Norton

    ???? Wut da fuq did I just read?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Let me translate for you:
      Because of FDR and the New Deal and the welfare state, we have lots more people being all the ghey now because people are lazy moochers and not working so hard (like 40+hrs per day) so now they have the time and government money to buy the ghey.

      • Fly

        Don’t forget your socialist security and marxicare.

  • SK

    Poignant. Brings back memories. No, not of the buttsechs you weirdos, but of happier times that never existed.

  • cousin itt

    Now fucking chickens, that’s something even wingnut radio hosts can afford.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      No wonder they love Chic-Fil-A.

    • Antimassacree

      Perhaps they are the ones to blame for the Salmonella herpes outbreak.

      • eggsacklywright

        I picked up a dose of that at Sam ‘n Ella’s cafe.

      • Antimassacree

        As I think about it, let’s proactively quarantine them. Maybe for safety’s sake somewhere with no microphones.

  • AnnieW

    Your “We didn’t ask YOU, Gawker” made me spit out my drink. LOL.

  • jviscont1

    is this why your EBT card in Kansas can’t book that fabulous cruise?

  • sw19womble

    Soooo… buttsex is something all people should aspire to be able to afford?

    • Certainly one my goals…

    • dslindc

      It’s the American Dream!™

      • guppy06

        Can’t have your green card if you still have your black cherry!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    They musta skipped Mark 14:7 in his summer Bible camp: “The upper middle class and gay you will always have with you..”

  • Tallmutha

    Next thing you know those pinkos in Washington will start applying a COBA (Cost of Buttsex Adjustment) to Social Security benefits.

  • I’d like to suggest humbly that maybe the reason we didn’t have so many gay folks in the past who were out and proud is because it was still legal to beat, imprison, ruin their livelihoods, and kill them so they stayed in the closet.

    And poverty does not build character. Having been in a situation where I had to search through my couch cushions to find money for food so I could eat that day while I was working a ‘full-time’ job at 32 hours a week, I can definitively say that the only thing poverty built in me was stress and anger.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ahh, the good ol’ days..

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Really. Like the time I would have sold my blood to the Blood Bank, except the the fuckin place was full of bikers.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, I always get a little weepy with nostalgia for the era of separate water fountains, polio, infant mortality, and strikebreaking…

          • But after a good lynching, folks would go to church and sing to Jesus, so you know, they had traditional values.

          • OneDemin EOr

            From what I’ve read, all that is making a comeback!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Thank goodness, lest we forget our heritage!

          • OrdinaryJoe

            The Good Old Days

        • guppy06

          You should have just gone in with a clipboard and started asking if they’d shot heroin in the past five minutes.

      • eggsacklywright

        These ARE the good old days.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Ahh yes, the one thing money can’t buy: poverty.

      • Did I also mention that because my ‘full-time’ job was only 32 hours a week, I didn’t get sick leave, vacation, or health and dental benefits?

        Because that was fun too. Coming into work when you felt like shit. Coughing and hacking and sweating over your station and the customers ensuring your disease would spread to others.

        Anyone who feels compelled to speak about poverty should be forced to go take a job in retail or the food industry and live off of the salary for a year.

        • sw19womble

          I hear you! Contracting pleurisy because I couldn’t afford to put the heating on one winter was a real doozy!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Sounds like you’re describing the joys of self-employment…just add a 60 hr. work week.

          • Blank Ron

            Been there. Done that. Don’t want to be there or do that ever again.

        • If I had enough “elbow grease”, I’d give you so many upfist!

  • beatbort

    I am so fucking nostalgic for the Great Depression that I think I’ll go find a dust bowl and crawl into it and weep myself to sleep.

  • ManchuCandidate

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMK6lzmSk2o

    Blazing Saddles was (sadly) more prophetic than we ever imagined.

  • nightmoth

    “Prior to the welfare state decadence only happened in the affluent classes”
    HAHAHAHA—wtf?!
    I detect a whiff of “Fall of the Roman Empire happened because of buttsex” in this twisted history of Deace’s. I certainly heard that a time or two in church and school, but even the loathsome authority figures who taught it to children would never have extrapolated so wildly as this clown.

    • bluicebank

      No. It was when the Visigoths crested The Hill and entered The Gate, is when the buttsex began. Know your history, dagnamit.

      • nmmagyar

        How does the lead poisoning of the entire ruling class fit in?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “Cresting the hill” and “entering The Gate”–is that what the kids back then were calling it? Those nasty Visigoth teenagers!!

    • bluicebank

      Shit. Blew my chance at a Monty Python reference.

  • RoyalUglyDude

    Bashing the mores of “affluent classes” is just class warfare. Instead of whining about it, Steve Deace should drive through the gay neighborhoods and say “I congratulate you on your success, and I’ll be joining you soon.”

  • Fly

    That explains why I feel fucked in the ass by my employer.

  • tihond

    I think their real complaint is that it has driven up the cost of their gay lovers.

    • sw19womble

      Curse those pesky high-maintenance twinks!

    • Lot_49

      They don’t call’em “Rentboys” because they’re free.

      • guppy06

        And then you have to remember to top them off before turning them back in!

        • Msgr_Moment

          BTW, always buy the extra insurance. They’re always charging me for dents and scratches I didn’t even notice.

          • guppy06

            And don’t forget not to leave anything behind in your rentboy, or you’ll probably never get it back.

      • And meanwhile, thanks to a lackluster economy, the poorz have to rely on “Rent-to-own-boys” at a 300% markup.

  • Mimihaha

    IDoes this make Donald Trump our gayest candidate? He has all the money.

    • nmmagyar

      Ross Perot, Steve Forbes and Mitt R-Money also, too

  • jviscont1

    this makes Ben Carson’s theory of prison life causing the ghey seem thoughtful.

    • dshwa

      It’s like a competition for who can say the stupidest thing. Sadly, since one of them might be president, we’re all losers in this competition.

      • devilette

        You’d think there would be a limit to stupid stuff they say, but it’s a bottomless pit.

        • Is that something you want to say in an article about sodomy?

    • guppy06

      Maybe going to jail only turns you gay if it was for financial crimes.

      • Blender_415

        Logicalically, that makes Bernie Madoff the King of Buttsex.

  • Msgr_Moment

    OTOH, What were the traditions of the Royal Navy, Winston Churchill?

    ‘And what are they? They are rum, sodomy and the lash’

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Pogues libel!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        Let me go down in the mud…..overandoverand

        • mtn_philosoph

          Something something Two Years Before the Mast

  • Msgr_Moment

    Hey, I wouldn’t be here if Dad could have afforded the buttsex.
    Umm… poverty, Yay!!?!

  • Brazilian Fart Porn
  • Biff52

    Hetero buttsechs isn’t cheap, either.

    • guppy06

      Dividing us is exactly what they want! Buttsechs for unity!

      • Biff52

        Buttsechs for industry!

        • TheBidenator

          The great chain of buttsechs industry!

        • guppy06

          We must seize the means of buttsechs production, and stroke it gently!

  • Jeamonn

    So welfare=buttsecks? I should of paid attention in history class. I must of misunderstood what the ‘deal’ part of the New Deal actually was.

  • guppy06

    all that happened was a massive increase in welfare-mooching buttsexers,
    sitting at home all day doing buttsex with YOUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS
    GRRRR.

    But then they filmed it and put it on the internet, so all is forgiven.

  • dslindc

    Teh Ghey is very expensive, what with all the brunching and seasonal wardrobes.

  • Fartknocker

    So butt sex is out according to some state Family Council (who previously employed a child molesting Duggar) but God is so smart that Scott Walker should be President if I send him some monies. Got it. I think I’ll stop at Walgreens and pick up some nice peach smell sex lube and give it to the two married guys up the street from me who clearly are poor because they just finished a fabulous kitchen renovation that makes Mrs. Fartknocker envious.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Those young Fartknockers are why you can’t have nice things.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Google yourself some images of these guys. I call rentboy scandals in 4, 3, 2, 1….

  • Axomamma

    So if extra cash leads to low morals, can I assume this guy believes the tax rates for the wealthy should be increased and top incomes capped at some level? No? So then what he’s arguing is that “workers” are a separate species from the wealthy and can’t be trusted with anything beyond the absolute minimum to retain enough life to go to whatever job our overlords designate? I don’t think Mr. Smarty Pants has thought this through.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Maybe he’s arguing that the wealthy are a separate species and that the wealthy, himself included, should be allowed to have all the buttsechs and depravity like unlimited downloads because they deserve it. Workers, OTOH, must keep shoulders to wheels, noses to grindstones, and hands out of their crotches in order to keep the well-off able to afford their goodies. When the workers became uppity through government largesse, all hell broke loose. Ah, the good old days!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        As near as I can figure, allowing for the number of brain circuits they have fritzed out through gay panic, the message is: Decadence is a privilege of the 1%, not a right.

        That slogan didn’t work so well for Mittens in 2012.

    • OneDemin EOr

      Oh, he’s thought it through, all right.

    • TheBidenator

      The opposite…they want the plebes to be too poor for buttsechs by letting the rich have ALL the money.

    • Well, the poors aren’t motivated to work harder by keeping more of their money… but the wealthy are.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Evan, this is my favorite Wonkette article ever.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      It’s certainly in my top 10. Bravo!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    What about all those inventors in their garages coming up with all sorts of amazing things that makes them Horatio Alger success stories? That takes time and money to accomplish. If those working stiffs had time for the job, the wife, the kids, and the inventing, why couldn’t someone else put the same kind of effort into buttsex? If that’s your American Dream, and you’ve got the American Work Ethic, what’s to stop you?

    • AnOuthouse

      What if you don’t have a garage?

  • TheBidenator

    I don’t really have a lot to add because these two idiots are so wrong they aren’t even wrong other than just to say….wingnuts are fucking bizarre. What kind of strange fuck THINKS up this shit?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Rand Paul?

    • Jeamonn

      There is a group in DC that comes up with this shit. Its the exact opposite of a think tank. I believe it is called the Democratic Emergency Response Program. (DERP)

      • TheBidenator

        Interesting, do they communicate using their secured DERPANET?

        • Jeamonn

          Yes…they do, but its all still wrong. Just wrong at the speed of light.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.

          • data_ninja

            Which is the wrong way, but faster!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Are you sure they call it Democratic? That spelling seems suspiciously correct.

    • Jared James

      Columnists for the Washington Times are required to spend at least ten hours per week, minimum, thinking up shit at least this bizarre.

  • Can someone point me to the Office of Subsidized Depravity, because I’d like to apply.

    • Jeamonn

      It’s a across the street from the White House. Same office building where the Office of Management and Budget resides. Just ask the nearest Republican where the OSD is at. They should know.

    • Vecciojohn

      Sorry, the Republicans added a provision to the last Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act cutting off all funding.

    • Asurbanopal

      Two year waiting list.

  • Msgr_Moment

    OTOH, the wages of sin were higher in those days, too.

    • nmmagyar

      Because of unions.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Gay unions.

        • Blank Ron

          So now that gay unions are allowed nation-wide, how will the wages of sin be affected?

  • Vecciojohn

    When I was a wee lad coming up buttsechs could not be had for love nor money. Oh, we all heard the tales of how the quality folk would gather in their private clubs and their penthouse apartments and their fancy two car garages for buttsechs and Oysters Rockefeller orgies. But we were simple people, humble people, and we knew that if we kept the faith and honored the Sabbath we would one day meet all our loved ones in a better place, where there would be buttsechs enough for all.

    • cousin itt

      Aman, brother.

  • malsperanza

    When all else fails, pivot to faux class warfare.

  • malsperanza

    Sir, I do not think “pink slip” means what you think it means.

  • NoniMausa

    These are the same bozos who declare that raising children is a “lifestyle choice,” and that poor people shouldn’t have children until they are not-poor (i.e. never.) I notice they don’t say that about their own poor grannies and grandpas, who raised eleven children on 18 cents a day and then sent them all off to WWII.

    I am pretty sure that if grandma and grandpa, and grandma and grandpa’s “special friends” had indulged in the luxury of not raising eleven kids, they might have avoided being hard working, poor but honest (at least not the “poor” part.) Seems like snuggling without breeding might be the cause of entering the “affluent classes,” rather than the other way around.

    See, when I was a wee lass in the 50s and 60s, “The average worker in the worker class … could barely afford one wife and one group of kids.” But today, in these decadent affluent government coddled times, the average worker in the middle class can’t afford any wives and kids, and sometimes can’t even afford himself.

    • bluicebank

      Which begs the question of why, when a single salary could carry a household of 5-plus and later pony up for college, Dad didn’t just decide to have buttsex for relatively cheap?

  • geoffalnutt

    Christ-On-A-Croissant!! Though I am a ghey – I heard my elders remembering a time when you could get two whole, real tits…any day of the week. Now they’re sold by the yard…and come on giant spools (in the back of Home Depot). Really expensive, too. They lock ’em up at night. Luckily a pecker’s still fairly cheap. That won’t last long! Mark my word!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I guess that gives a new meaning to the saying:

    “Money can’t buy happiness, but it will sure put a big smile on your face!”

  • PsycWench

    Wow, I don’t want to imagine how much buttsex the Koch brothers are having!
    Seriously, I don’t want to think about it. I’m going to hit myself with a hammer now.

    • Jeamonn

      Thanks…now I’m thinking about it. Can I borrow your hammer?

      • Longitudinally Enabled

        Get your own, ya leech!

        • Jeamonn

          But then how can I save up for butt sex?

          • Barry_D

            Borrow the hammer, hit him with it (please ‘stand your ground’), then rent it out.

      • PsycWench

        I’ll rent it to you for a quarter. #capitalism.

        • Markuserektus

          You been to Trump(et)’s rallies?

    • Zippy

      How else is Scotty Walker going to finance his campaign?

  • Mavenmaven

    But at least the taxpayer doesn’t have to pay for the evil birth control that those lieberul non-video-for-Rush-shooting feminist harpies want before their ABORTIONS! So there’s that.

  • berkeleyfarm

    As someone who started reading the Wonkette shortly after it got going, the headline makes me fondly nostalgic as well.

  • diogenez

    Also, too: designer lube ain’t cheap.

  • Ricky Gay

    they mock themselves now. they arrive pre-mocked.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The irony here is that they don’t even realize they’re self-mocking. The derp is that deep.

  • Callyson

    I got a great deal on my gay lover at the Abortionplex down the street. You just have to get the Living Social deal and you’re set!

    • I scored a killer deal on a six-pack of gay lovers on Amazon Prime Day – gonna hold on to a few, and give the rest as gifts.

      Still deciding what to do with the Instant Pot 7-in-1 Programmable Pressure Cooker, which I only picked up because it was on a 75% off lightning sale. Maybe I’ll have my gay lovers make me some goulash.

      • AnOuthouse

        You can can meat with a pressure cooker.

        • I use can-can meat in my moulin roux.

          • Doug Langley

            Yes, but can a can can-can?

          • In other words, how many cans can a can-can can if a can-can can can cans?

  • Last Hussar

    Is this why the pastors of megachurches can have rent boys where their wives wont find out. Until they do?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Until Gawker gets ahold of ’em.

  • HolidayinCambodia

    Benefit of dating the King of Spain: Better service at the Pizza-Pizza.

    • NoniMausa

      You gotta lotta Moxy, Holiday.

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-00zjEq9PNs

    • I don’t know about the service, but slower pizza’s more luscious because the King of Spain never rushes.

      • Doug Langley

        The Reign of Spain serves mainly from the plane.

        • mtn_philosoph

          I have stood here before with an enlarging pene
          With thoughts of buttsechs turning circles ’round my brain.
          I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll be my Thegn,
          But it’s my destiny to be the King of Spain…

  • Notreelyhelping

    I know their whole operating model assumes the rubes are dumber than dirt and will buy whatever they’re told, but Christ on a crutch….

  • Jared James

    Deace is, what, 32? 33? So his earliest memories are of Bill Clinton’s Presidency…

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Alrighty then! I’m going to go beat myself unconscious.

  • Beowoof14

    Come on, wing nuts are having lots of buttsex and Rentboys are making lots of money.

    • fifthdentist

      The week of the Republican National Convention is the best earning week for Rentboys.

  • Delbort

    I remember, we used to ride the train into the city to pick up secondhand twinks for a dime apiece. Always plenty of miles left on them, but those spoiled rich city folk had to have the newer, younger models so we got the hand-me-downs.

  • grumblestiltskin

    The shrewd individual has the foresight to contract with the gay lover who will insist that you then make him write bad checks.

    Also, too, wives never committed adultery until Cosmo showed them how.

  • clubseal

    What a long, strange trip wingnut radio is. He probably has a point though – I mean, if we poors were all just working 16 hour days like God intended, we wouldn’t have the time or energy to fuck anything, let alone butts.

  • Zippy

    They’re not even trying anymore, it’s just wingnut madlibs at this point.

    “Hey, you know this thing I hate? It cause this other thing I hate!”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      They’re also lazy. Why not throw in “government subsidized healthcare” as a reason for moar buttsex? “Not having the bahbul in skules” could fit as well. In fact, they could fit quite a lot on top of that stick up their asses.

  • azeyote

    the war made them gay – now that’s a new one

    • Swampgas_Man

      All that time in foxholes led to times in buttholes.

      • Blank Ron

        There are no heterosexuals in foxholes.

        • Swampgas_Man

          Though oddly enough, there are quite a few heterosexuals in buttholes.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    My parents were so poor, so I guess that explains me, but it doesn’t explain why all the government handouts only worked on me and not the rest of them.

  • DahBoner

    You kids get off my tube of Herbert Hoover Butt Lube!!!!1!1!

    http://media4.giphy.com/media/iyFaINPrMxmMM/200w_d.gif

    • Luddite

      What’s with the Public Health Service seal? Did the Surgeon General approve of anal sex?

  • Metadude

    You try telling that to young people today…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

  • dimplasm

    You didn’t hint on the saddest time of all. A little historical perspective: The Dust Bowl. During the dustbowl years, people were literally starving. So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly…no wait, that’s not right. But they did head to California. Where they prospered. It was the land of milk, honey and buttsex. The buttsex was glorious. Eventually, the Great Depression faded and the War came and, for awhile,( there was no buttsex during the war, we were patriotic, after all, everyone had to ration). Then after the war, things were good again. Buttsex for everyone!
    I, for one, would like you to focus a story more adequately on the Okies traveling to California because of starvation and buttsex. I think you did a disservice to this tragic time in our history.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    People who are hard-working and having to be self-sufficient, and are not going to be propped up by the government, don’t have the luxury of doing stupid, immoral things.

    When I was Extremely Poor(tm) but hard-working I did plenty of stupid, immoral things. Far more than now. I kinda miss those days. Sigh.

    • blaid droog

      I miss those immoral days too. in my case it’s because I’m just too old. hell, my doctors won’t even let me drink.

  • Thomas Mc

    I’m a socialist, buttsex for everyone!

    • TootsStansbury

      Kind of puts a whole new twist on that “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” thing.

  • Sebastian Melmoth

    What as really made the buttsex affordable, nearly as I can recall, was when the Wobblies organized the Painted Willies into buttsex co-ops, back before the War. Thems was good times, by heck.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Hell, I checked my budget, and I can’t afford a cat, much less a fuck– why do stupid fucks like these two keep jacking up the price?

  • You realise what this really is, though? This is a conservative program for why it’s GOOD to be so poor you can barely feed your family, because that way you don’t have time or resources for SIN. It is a PRO-poverty, poverty=morality platform. They have finally come right out and said it. Amazing.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “You, teabaggy pundits, are in favor of poverty? Fine, you first.”

    • Greg Comlish

      “That’s right poors. Leave the sinning to us.”

    • handyhippie65

      i would be snarky, but i have to agree with your assessment of the situation.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Somehow they have successfully sold a witches brew of faith based economics and social darwinian Xtainity that has their followers believing that if a person is poor they must be in bad standing with the Divine and if a person dies outside of the Lord’s financial grace, they deserve eternal damnation.

      • Beaumarchais?

        Calvinism?

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Unlike these boneheads, at least Calvin believed in the idea of charity.

      • So interesting that, for example, the Qur’an says the opposite: “Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you’re good. Allah may be testing you, and He can AND WILL pull the rug out from under you at any time if you don’t act like a good citizen, give charity, pray etc.”

        • Blank Ron

          Might explain at least some of their antipathy towards Islam, eh?

  • TootsStansbury

    Those manly men in the picture are red – like the DEBBIL!1!1!! They must be gay AND commie!!!!

  • Boojum

    This is why the wealthy want lower taxes. Buttsex Creators!

  • JD Mulvey

    He meant to say that you need to be wealthy to be a TOP.

    The extremely poor are always allowed to be on the bottom though.

    • handyhippie65

      even in ancient greece, the one penetrated was accorded lower status. in the battle between the pole, and the hole, the pole always seems to win.

      • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

        So it was a best kept secret then, too, huh?

      • eddi

        Roman sexual mores allowed for gay top by a Roman but never bottom. That was a slave task

    • OrdinaryJoe

      The Fucker vs. Fuckee dichotomy.

    • blaid droog

      oddly enough all the rich boys I ever buttsexed were bottoms. maybe they liked being dominated.

    • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

      We’re talking about the wealthy poor here, idiot.

  • Boojum

    See, I think the point he is making is that everybody would be buttsexing all he time if they just had enough money. Or, at least, he would.

  • Me not sure

    I was thinking that the time might be right for a line of gay G. I. Joe characters, but then it hit me that it would be redundant.

    • JD Mulvey

      Pretty sure they’re all asexual. Ever taken a peek down there?

      • jmk

        We did, back in the day when my brother’s GI Joe “action figure” was tall enough to be a good Ken substitute…and he was mooth as a Barbie’s peepee.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Nasty battle injury.

      • Doug Langley

        I once worked on a G.I. Joe cartoon and can completely assure you the characters are not anatomically correct.

  • D_C_Wilson

    So, Trump and Romney must be knee deep in butt sex then.

    • major_asshole

      Nah; Trump is too poor.

      He just says he has a gay lover.

      • jmk

        Keeping up with the boneses…

      • BearGHAZI

        Is he… yoooge?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          That depends on whether you’re asking about his prick (No”) or his asshole (“Yes.”)

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Why does everyone act like it’s such depravity to suck cock? I mean, over half the population loves sucking cock. Probably something like 60%. How does this happen?!?!

    • Jason M

      That reminds me of the joke about the Catholic girl whose boyfriend always bugs her for a blowjob. He whines and begs and cajoles until she finally gives in and does it. Afterwards, with a sheepish grin, she asks, “Well, how did I do?”, and the boyfriend replies, “You tell me, you’re the cocksucker”. I didn’t say it was a great joke, just that you reminded me of it. Carry on.

    • docterry6973

      Maybe more than 60%. At least they wonder about it sometimes. Not me of course, but some people do I bet.

    • bozilingus

      “Cock goes in, cock goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that.”

    • Greg Comlish

      People say keep saying 60%. Lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my target demographic.

  • FauxAntocles

    WTF?

    • eddi

      I am curious about what combination of prescription and OTC medications induces this state of logorrhea.

  • VandeGraf

    Steve Deace should become an ascetic, maybe join a monastery of ascetics, or go on up into the hills, Idaho maybe, and join like minded people who reject urban modernity– or any other sort of modernity. Then he could quit carping and start living, if he knows how.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This Rush Limbaugh wannabe will never be an ascetic. Something else starting with the letters “as” comes to mind, though.

  • docterry6973

    Lying sacks of shit.

    Back in the sixties many Americans still had good, well-paying jobs. People were moving up in the world. You could go to a state college for next to nothing. You kids are too young to remember this, but back then people had hope, and ideals, and a little extra cash in their pocket. Call me a liar, but I tell you it’s true. The rich weren’t taking everything back then.

    People could pay for those new-fangled sex pills, and afford real dates, and go to the beach in their cars. And that’s how we had the sexual revolution.

    • blaid droog

      those were the days. actually driving ON the beach,cutting donuts in the sand with my 57 chevy bel air. seeing all the shirtless boys with their surfboards, made the summer even hotter.

    • Beaumarchais?

      You can add the 70s in there, too, which were not a bad decade at all. Our decline started in January of 1981, when Reagan was sworn in.

      • SadDemInTex

        Reagan…I hate him so much.

  • blaid droog

    the first time I had teh buttsex I didn’t have two pennies to rub together. I guess the other guy took pity on me.

    • Logic of Color

      Where do the pennies go? Trying to keep an open mind here.

      • Enfant Terrible

        Are you sure you’re not “asking for a friend”?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I’d rather have to penises to rub together.

  • You know, I study the history of sex and sexuality, and he’s completely wrong, especially because there’s a long history with things like medieval peasants practicing their own rituals and rules of divorce in societies that forbid it, and sodomy going tolerated in poor urban areas and peasant villages, and the middle class fretting over the morals of the urban poor. But you probably don’t need me to show he’s full of derp.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You are bringing reality to a derp fight.

    • SadDemInTex

      You don’t need to an historian to know that his ass-ertions are ridiculous…but I love the fact that there is a paper trail of this history!

      • Yep, there is! There are these trial documents from a village in sixteenth century Germany where a baker was being tried for sodomy, and all the villagers who were interrogated treated his desire to bang dudes as a harmless eccentricity. In fact he only got arrested because of the testimony of some asshole who just happened to be a rival baker who tried to get him busted for unfair business practices years before.

        • SadDemInTex

          Do you have a site I can go to…this is AWESOME!!!

          • Actually, I wrote a book on the subject! And it’s available in print or via Kindle! If you’re interested, be sure to spread the word.

            The book is “The War on Sex: Western Repression from the Torah to Victoria” and of course it’s up on Amazon and elsewhere. My website has links to other things I’ve published too.

            http://www.chadsdenton.com

          • SadDemInTex

            Is that your dissertation? The Kindle edition is $29.99…pretty steep for Kindle but I’m very tempted.

  • BearGHAZI

    The Poors = too noble for buttsechs. Got it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Not so much too noble as too poor and it’s a good thing because otherwise they might get into decadent dressage/prancing-stallion type activities that are best left in the hands of the upper class. They should certainly not be left in the hands of the uppety class.

  • Alan

    Well the buttsex is free, but do you know how much a hot tub for of lube goes for these days? Highway robbery!

  • fifthdentist

    My dad grew up during the Great Depression. He said on Saturday afternoons, after working 50 hours a day Monday-Friday, he could take his hard-earned dime and go to the movies, get popcorn and a coke and he and his best friend could DP a hobo, and he would still have a nickel in change left.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The Greatest Generation!

    • OhioHomo

      OMG the tears! I can’t stop laughing!

  • Charles Cates

    It costs nothing to beat your spouse and children so the poorz had that to look forward to.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I’m confused. Doesn’t this mean that the best way to restore our once-moral nation is to impose ruinously high taxes on the affluent?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      According to Donald Trump, yes.

      1999-11-28 04:00:00 PDT UPPER CLASS; DONALD TRUMP; U.S. PRESIDENTS; REFORM PARTY — BILLIONAIRE Donald Trump, a prospective Reform Party candidate, has dropped a political bomb on his fellow tycoons. He plans to tax their accumulated wealth and pay off the national debt in a single year.

      Trump has called for a one-time 14.25 percent tax on the net worth of individuals and trusts worth $10 million or more.

      Trump says this would generate $5.7 trillion in new taxes earmarked to eliminate the national debt. The savings in annual interest payments, which Trump estimates at $200 billion, would ensure the solvency of our Social Security system.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        This is totally consistent with his consistent policy over many years consistently, which boils down to:

        Hark at me!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Some things are just too sad to snark on … this, however, is just too stupid.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Buttsechs? We couldn’t afford no buttsechs! Why, we could barely afford hand jobs, and most of the time we had to do it ourselves! And we *liked* it!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      My mother couldn’t understand how we went through a whole bottle of Jergen’s hand lotion in only a month!

      • A Grumpy Cat

        Pffft, there used to be ONE bottle of hand lotion for the WHOLE TOWN and you had to walk five miles, barefoot, in the snow, to get it. BUT WE DIDN’T COMPLAIN.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Well, no wonder you’re grumpy.

        • LUXURY!

        • Doug Langley

          Hmmph. WE had to walk 20 miles to the mines, dig the coal out with our bare hands, blow on it to heat it up, extract the coal tar, and make our own hand lotion.

      • Enfant Terrible

        Ha! We had to make do with a sock! Our moms were mystified as to why our socks always stuck together when they took our laundry down to the creek!

  • Comrade Wingtardd 5467p

    Most people would list reasons for the sexual revolution as sudden middle class affluence of the post war era, technology (birth control, condoms), a growing feminist movement … but this analysis is … intriguing!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But does it rise to the level of staring-at-a-bloody-train-wreck… intriguing?

  • Sterculius

    Hey, I make pretty good money and I haven’t ever tried buttsex. This article has made me realize that as a man of means I deserve the joy and reward of buttsex, which I can enjoy all the more knowing that poor people can’t get it with food stamps, and they also can’t get lobster and crab legs, mmm mmm.

  • Bob Harrow

    Ill have what hes having.. ummm ummm

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Did you know that you can now pay for buttsechs with you Link SNAP card? Thanks Obama!

  • A Grumpy Cat

    Lesbians are still free, though, right? Do bisexuals come at a discount? I’M NOT GOOD AT ECONOMINICS.

  • Kidneys4Sale

    You see, we know this is true because if the poor had adopted advanced shrimping techniques in the mid 19th century, it would be a central subject in the Common Core curriculum.

  • Haribo Lector

    “You had to walk uphill to get it, both ways, in the snow”

    I don’t quite understand this. Did the other person live at the top of the hill? Or did they also walk up the hill to meet you there? If so, why didn’t you both just meet somewhere else?

    • Left Coast Tom

      It was a mobius strip of snow.

  • JParkerSD46

    Steve Deace may very well be the stupidest carbon-based life-form on the face of the planet. I said “may be”. Yes, I understand the quantity of stupid that is vying for the position, but he’s really a great front-runner.

  • SadDemInTex

    This is so great…can’t stop laughing!

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