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Thursday night, I sat in my parents’ front yard just outside Memphis and looked at the house where I spent my teenage years. I wasn’t intending to have either Poignant Thoughts or A Moment, I just wanted to smoke a cigarette. (SHUT UP, I AM QUITTING.) I looked at the windows of my old bedroom and suddenly remembered, “Oh, tomorrow might be the day.” And then, surprisingly but not out of nowhere, I remembered the early ’90s, when I started to realize I was “different.” Well, I already knew THAT. I was a weird kid: I’d been playing piano since the age of four and reading since two; I was not all that athletic (I’m being generous); and I was just generally WEIRD. Suddenly, as I hit puberty, I realized that all those sexxxy thoughts I was having were about the boys in my class, not the girls.

At that time, I never imagined that I would be sitting here today, typing at you about how I feel about the fact that I can now, in Tennessee, marry the man I love, whoever he ends up being, LINE FUCKING STARTS HERE. #mustwantkids #mustlovedogs

Before I came out, certain forms of Christianity had already convinced me that my secret was far too shameful ever to share, lest I risk eternity in a fiery hell. But then one day, at 19, I dealt with it, accepted it (thanks, Tori Amos!), and basically told everyone I had ever met. In hindsight, I’m not sure it was necessary to tell the Comcast call center lady or the mailman, but when you’ve been holding it in that long …

My parents are wonderful, but we had a hard time when I came out, for quite a few years. As I went through my 20s, I developed amazing friendships with other gay people, but the idea of getting married and having a “normal life” was something I wished for, but wasn’t all that confident in. I was 23 when Massachusetts legalized gay marriage, but whoa, that is the Northeast and it is fucking COLD THERE. And super commie pinko liberal. Tennessee? Fuck no.

But then something changed the last few years. We hit a tipping point. Suddenly, even in the South, I no longer paid attention to whether people accepted my “lifestyle.” If you didn’t, you just didn’t exist in my life, Sorry Not Sorry. I never have experienced true “discrimination” because of my sexuality, probably because, as I have been told, I “pass,” whatever that means. My response has always been that I’m just me. I love basketball as much as I love musical theater, and neither of them, in my estimation, has anything to with the fact that I think doing sex with guys is So Great.

Oh, I was highly aware of discrimination, first working as the associate director of Truth Wins Out, which has been a leader in the fight to destroy the cruel, harmful “ex-gay” industry, and now here at yr Wonkette. I yell at wingnuts loudly and often, and I am fucking HILARIOUS when I do.

People are getting marriage licenses in Memphis, right now. HOMO PEOPLE are getting them. If I meet the man of my dreams tonight, or maybe if I already know him and don’t know it, and I decide to pull an Editrix Move and do a whirlwind romance (pregnancy unlikely), I could go down to the clerk’s office five minutes from my house with my hot male piece o’ ass in tow, and we could get a marriage license. And we could call Phyllis, the badass lady judge who did my brother’s wedding and said she’d be thrilled to officiate mine, once Tennessee’s head comes up out its ass on the issue.

Well, that head has been forcibly removed from dat ass. Chill out Tennessee, the pain will stop before you know it.

I had a tiny part in this Supreme Court victory. You see, Thom Kostura and Ijpe DeKoe, two of the Tennessee plaintiffs, are also two of my best friends. And you know how the South is, everybody knows everybody somehow, and I started introducing them to bigwig media whore homosexuals like my friend Jonathan. Before I knew it, they had been convinced to be a part of history, to sue the state of Tennessee, and then America, to have their already signed, sealed, delivered, and heavily consummated New York marriage recognized. And they won.

From left: Our lady friend Heike, Ijpe, Some Gay Celebrity, Yr Wonkette, Thom

 

Ugh, and because I can already hear Thom and Ijpe going “we look like shit in that picture,” fine, here are the boys looking SEXXXY AS FUK walking into the Supreme Court:

tisupremecourt

Thom and Ijpe’s marriage is now officially recognized in New York, Tennessee, or wherever else in US America their lives take them. In fact, Ijpe texted me earlier to say, “WE BROKE ALL THE STATES.” Yep, they sure did.

And man, that’s somethin’. I lived to see the day. Guess I’d better go find a husband.

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  • NorthStarSpanx

    Sure, we’ll worry about you finding a husband, now about that smoking. . .

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Sure, we’ll worry about you finding a husband, now about that smoking. . .

  • Spurning Beer

    Next stop: America’s first out gay president.

  • I believe that under Obamacare, qualified homosexxxuals will receive a government subsidized husband and/or wife. (Though I have heard rumors it may be someone culled from a Jade Helm/FEMA camp operation.)

    • dlemex

      I thought our Obama phones included a list of straights that can be converted and then married in the contacts.

      • Technology is a wonderful thing. Thanks, Obama!

        • docterry6973

          This is Obama telling the haters to suck on it.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yes, it’s the directory of all the men involved in the American Family Association.

        Proceed with caution.

        • Steverino247

          Not to mention those posting at Breitbart who just have to go into detail about alleged gay sexual behavior.

          (You know who you are, asshole)

          • Zippy

            I almost broke down and started trolling them yesterday- they were just so deliciously pathetic in all their sniveling and mewling It was hysterical

          • Steverino247

            All you have to do is post one good comment and they spend the rest of the week replying with banal shit at the level of “Nuh, huh!”

    • memzilla

      Also, invites to the monthly White House dance parties!
      .

      • Ev’rybody dance now!

      • Anarchy Pony

        Boy, if that’s real I bet that got a lot of panties bunched up.

        • PubOption

          The courthouse in St Louis is lit like that during gay pride week.

        • It’s real, and it did.

          • Blank Ron

            Good.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Free Obamaphones for the wedding party also too?

      • You have to sign a contract agreeing to vote for Democrats for 36 months.

    • H0mer0

      I’m not gay but I’m female and need a wife. Oh, you used the qualifier “qualified homosexxxuals.”

      • Blank Ron

        Don’t worry, the practical is easy and the oral is fabulous.

  • Flying Spaghetti Monster

    Thank you for sharing, and thank you for reposting that beautiful photo of Thom and Ijpe in front of what is probably my most favorite protest sign of all time!

  • cousin itt

    “(pregnancy unlikely)”

    It’s every man’s right to have babies if he wants them. Bloody Romans.

    • Treg Brown

      I’ve got a lovely box he could keep it in.

  • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

    OT, but hey Mike Huckabee, maybe you could just STFU and either tolerate or ignore what is going on around you. I know I ignore your daily ignorant screed, and feel much better for doing so.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He can’t do that. The entire point of Hucksterbee is to be a sanctimonious prick and have the yahoos send him monies for being so. He doesn’t know any other way.

      If you are a Christian, pray for him. Because as sure as Judas is the one responsible for making the entire died for your sins scenario possible, he’s headed to aich-ee-double-hockey-sticks for his decidedly un-Jesusy ways.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        I just don’t know how we became a nation that might even consider a gas bag like that for prez.

        • Zippy

          long term economic uncertainty, a fast changing world, relentless brainwashing by those who stand to benefit

      • Hey, remember the few months when Huckabee pretended to be moderate? That must have been painful.

    • Huckabee is moving up the People Who Can’t Shut The Fuck Up Soon Enough chart with record speed.

      • PubOption

        I assume that he’s still behind Trump on that list.

        • Blank Ron

          The Donald’s had a lock on first for a while.

        • Palin has held the top spot for so long I’m starting to think no one will ever displace her.

  • Beaumarchais?

    So happy for you, for generations to come, and for all of us humans!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Evan, that was wonderful.

    I hope you find your one and only down the road. Like no further than the next block. Then Mr. Right kicks your ass over the smoking and makes you an honest man.

    And that sign…it’s such a glorious example of just how totally out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner the opposition is. They haven’t even read the damn book. They’ve ignored the most important parts. They’re stuck in a carefully screened version of Leviticus. They don’t realize that they haven’t actually met the criteria they think they have.

    • Hanaka

      They were all “Bye, Felicia.” to that sign anyway.

  • memzilla

    Let’s not overlook another great side-effect:
    .

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’m hung over from the two bottles I had last night. Got four more for this weekend. GOP tears are so sweet.

      • ahughes798

        What’s the alcohol percentage on that? Just this side of Boehner?

        • hamletta

          He’s the main source!

    • O4FSake

      Still waiting for the pastor to light himself on fire to cast a glow on this beautiful day.

  • SK

    Bravo!

  • pstockholm

    Aren’t we supposed to be savouring wingnut tears of despair? What’s with making us rain our own sappy tears of joy or congratulation every damn article? You’re threatening not only my keyboard but the delicate inner workings of my Snarkatron 4500x.

    • pstockholm

      Oh, btw, congratulations!!!!11!!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    I’ve been trying to quit smoking for years. I am obviously not trying hard enough and wish you better fortune with the endevor.
    But mostly, I wish you joy and happiness and someone who loves dogs and children (though cats are infinitely cooler than either, except for my dog and children).

    • nmmagyar

      I was a 30+ year smoker that quit in March – find a Dr. with a generous prescription pad. I did a combo of patches, lozenges, hypnosis/meditation, Xanax and Librium.

      • TeenLaQueefa

        I started vaping nearly 3 years ago and haven’t had a cig since. Still have the addiction, but I don’t stink anymore, I can breathe, taste food and it’s a helluva lot cheaper too.

        • Truthiness2U

          Can the next snake oil post be about vape cigs/ecigs? because the science on them is not of the goodness. Those things are better than cigarettes maybe (maybe not) but only because tobacco is so bad for you, that almost anything else is better for you. You’d do better by smoking pot (as we all would).

    • hamletta

      Vaping is (finally) working for me. Had my last cigarette on Low Sunday. Haven’t gone this long without a cigarette since the Carter Administration.

      Don’t get the junky ones at the gas station; go to a vape store and get a couple of batteries and a tank. They’ll try to upsell you to death, but the little eGo batteries work just fine for me. Saw a guy at a bar recently with two Heeeuuuge vape rigs, and I’m like, “Dude, sorry ’bout your penis.”

      Also make sure you get vape juice with enough nicotine in it. Using the low level stuff killed my first attempt. Kept smoking. Now when I go to the store for more juice, it goes a little like this:

      Vape Store Guy: What nicotine level?

      Me: GIVE ME ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING NICOTINE!!1!1!!

      Here endeth the lesson.

  • Joshua Norton

    Any over/under on the number of years it will take for right wingnuts to take credit for this like they try to take credit for Civil Rights?

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The going rate seems to be 50 years. Riiiight about the time the generation that actually lived through a lot of that shit as adults is busy dying off.
      Funny, that timing.

      • Blank Ron

        Used to work better before every word ever said was recorded and saved on the Intertoobz.

        • SterWonk

          Even though everything has been recorded and uploaded for at least the past decade, Jon Stewart et. al. have still made a very good living finding it and pointing it out. And sadly, large swaths of the population go on completely ignoring it.

    • jmk

      On that subject, I got the following response to something I posted on the Twatters – “Jim Crow laws were forced government segregation under penalty of law. Most whites didn’t want the law. It hurt business & faith”

      Their ability to rewrite history is unreal.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What a nice thing to read to start the day. Thanks Evan.

  • memzilla

    BREAKING: Warner Bros digitally replacing the Confederate flag on the General Lee:
    .

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, dear. Wingnut heads reexploding as I type these words…

    • Speaking of things that made a young man realize he was “different”…

    • TheBidenator

      Cool…now if they digitally alter Daisy Duke’s Daisy Duke’s to be longer, them’s fightin’ words.

      • memzilla

        THAT, suh, would be WAWH!

    • TeenLaQueefa

      I always questioned those guys sexuality… to damn macho to be straight.

    • Me not sure

      Goes nice with the orange paint. I thought those two would never come out.

    • TheBidenator

      Man, Todd Starnes is going to be drinking so much fermented rat piss over this…

    • TheBidenator

      I vaguely remember that show from when I was REAL little but the only things I do remember from it is it gave Haley Barbour his first job on teevee (playing himself as it were), that fucking Confederate flag on top of a Dodge Charger and Catherine Bach’s long legs….

      • H0mer0

        She didn’t age well, but maybe I’m just being a catty beyotch (since I was a short and chubby self-conscious adolescent when she wuz on the teevee.)

        • Blank Ron

          No, it’s true, she didn’t. ‘The harder they fall’ etc.

      • Zippy

        She gave us the term Daisy Dukes and for that I’ll always be thankful

    • OneYieldRegular

      Finally, that idiotic series makes some sense.

    • Pat_Pending

      I heard tell that ‘Cooter’ is up in arms about the Stars and Bars kerfuffle, and that it’s part of southern pride or some such. How’s that career been workin’ for ya, guy-whose-biggest-claim-to-fame-is-playing-a-character-with-a-name-that-is-a-crass-euphemism for a vagina?

  • Ilgattomorte

    Really nice post. Good luck on the man of your dreams thing, but I’ve got to tell you, most of us start out “weird”. I myself started out as a weird child, but with age and maturity I’ve become “colorful”. I hope one day to grow old enough to be eccentric. It’s not a bad goal. Weird can be pretty cool.

    • Dee Andee

      Same here. :D It took me several decades to just not give a shit if people thought I was weird. Saves time.

      • H0mer0

        yeah, I credit my kids and my current S.O. for helping me appreciate and treasure my “inner goofball.”

        • ahughes798

          Granny Clampett, here I come!

        • Blank Ron

          I was weird as a kid and worked my way to ‘wonky’ over the years. Not long ago a good friend of mine called me ‘aggressively eccentric.’ I took it as a compliment. Ni!

  • BlueMonkey

    As Scott Walker would say, “Molatov!”

  • JustPixelz

    Thank you Evan. I am not a non-heterosexual, but I’m happy for you and with you. Sometimes America just knocks it the fuck out of the park.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And I can personally vouch that not being a non-hetero single guy generally ain’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway. More power to ya’, Evan.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Well said. Best of luck (and romance) on the husband-finding process. Regarding the smoking, it is a tough slog. I quit (well, tobacco) back in the 60s and STILL crave the cigarette; that nicotine is truly addictive. My method of stopping was cold turkey–just stop!–but it doesn’t work for everyone.

  • JoyP

    Thanks for sharing. It was beautiful. I once asked my kids (in their 30’s) what they thought about gay marriage. Their answer? They don’t. They don’t see gays any differently than other people. They are just humans like the rest of us and deserve equal rights. I’d like to think this was my great parenting, but I really think it’s just the times. They have always had gay friends. It’s a great day.

    • O4FSake

      Your parenting had lots to do with it. Kids learn acceptance from their parents.

  • Gwennie_G

    If comments were allowed, I would say congratulations to us both for being able to marry the person of our choice when they come along; and also wonder how many other LGBT folks survived the ’90’s thanks to Tori Amos. But they’re not, so I won’t.

  • dslindc

    Awesome post, Evan!

  • Bill Slider

    It’s about that line we can get in, I will consider it. Save me a space. In the meantime, consider a serious Google search of both Montevideo, Uruguay, and Santiago, Chile, then get back to me. Wonkette could use a reliable foreign correspondent.

    • Blank Ron

      What, Florida’s not foreign enough?

      • Bill Slider

        In a way Florida is too foreign: there is way too much hatred towards anything liberal, Brown, Black or Asian. Florida has alligators and hurricanes, but neither of those two South American countries has them. Neither of those countries has a Second Amendment in their Constitution, nor a Tea Party. Neither city has really cold winters with snow and ice, and neither has deadly hot summers. My modest US government pension would not be subject to either US income tax or Uruguayan or Chilean income tax. The cost of living in both countries is half what it is here. Both Montevideo and Santiago have a white European presence, and neither city appears to have problems in open acceptance of blacks. Few live in Santiago, but from what I have read, Chile had no slave trade. The Andes prevented that from happening. There does exist that Spanish language is their first language, thingy, but for all the other great stuff I have mentioned, I will que pasa all day long.

        • Blank Ron

          If it wasn’t that I prefer the cold (and have zero aptitude for other languages) you’d’ve probably sold ME on moving.

          • Bill Slider

            We can get a great 2 bedroom apartment and a house boy, for $1,000 a month. There’s plenty of Andes mountain snow for skiing and hiking one hour from Santiago. Both cities are an hour from Buenes Aires, Montevideo by boat, Santiago by air.Santiago has a better subway system than any North American city, as it’s way newer than New York’s. I’m still in the DC area, but it wouldn’t take much to convince me to move. My Spanish is way less than fluent, but Spanish is easy, a lot more so than math. I have read that waiters in better restaurants in the two cities are fluent in English, because tourism.

          • Blank Ron

            Hmm. I wonder what the local supply of Studebaker parts is like…

          • Bill Slider

            Once Cuba opens offices in Miami, DC and NYC , I would contact one of them with that question. South American countries have lots of auto manufacturing plants for Japanese and European cars, and probably US current brands, but likely diesel only. Gasoline, except in Venezuela, is not cheap, Europen priced at @$7.00 a gallon.

          • Blank Ron

            Well, since the last Stude rolled off a Canadian assembly line in 1966… and I know that Cubans hold on to parts like adorable pink octopussies, what with their trying to keep their pre-Castro cars running.

      • Biff52

        Well, to be fair, we already have a Florida Correspondent.

  • Margarita T Gonzalez-Newcomer

    No snark ~ just joy and maybe a tear or two.
    Muy bello, Evan.

  • Vecciojohn

    As one weird kid to another, good luck with the husband hunt. And when you’re ready to quit smoking, try hypnosis. Worked like a charm for me and was MUCH easier than I thought it would be.

    Oh, and cheers, queers!! It’s tomorrow and it wasn’t a dream!

    • TeenLaQueefa

      Hell, I’m straight and all I got was a bunch of happy friends!

      But seriously, I’m happy too and it’s about god damn time!

    • BigDumbWhiteGuy

      Off topic to the article, but relevant to your post, what kind of hypnosis did you try? Did you seek out a licensed therapist, or perhaps attend one of those events they have at hotels sometimes? Seriously, I’m interested.

      • Vecciojohn

        I went to a licensed psychologist who was very good at what he did. But competent hypnotists don’t have to be PhDs and they are usually a bit less expensive. Watch out for franchise places; some of them are notorious for gouging. They will want you to sign a contract and “upsell” you to death. Best tip: call your local psychological association and ask for names of members who do a lot of hypnosis. I found a great person for hypnosis for pain this way.

  • calliecallie

    Evan, if I was a guy, and single, I would gay marry you immediately. Congratulations!

    • JustPixelz

      I would gay marry you immediately

      -FIFY

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Yes! Time to retire the qualifiers.

    • calliecallie

      Plus I love Memphis and you wouldn’t have to quit smoking, but the dogs would have to be willing to tolerate cats.

  • OooShiny

    But if the secret gets out that gayfolk are NOT the dehumanized monsters they’ve been wailed and gnashed as by certain self-anointed moral authorities, then kids will wonder “Golly if the bible, my parents and my preachers got this so very wrong…then what else did they get wrong?” And that inevitably leads to “Gosh, is ANY of this magic and fear and hate-stuff true?”

    The evangelical fear movement is deeply invested in portraying gay people as America-hating, family-destroying demons. For many of these tax-exempt “ministries,” demonizing gay people is their bread and butter; their sole source of income.

    Once their cruel myths about gay people are seen to have been a vicious lie the whole time, said movement is rendered impotent and irrelevant. It’s no mystery why they’re so frightened about losing power.

    • Anarchy Pony

      God, we can only hope.

    • Zippy

      never count out the fear biz- they’ve been manipulating people for millennia, they’re not going to let this setback stop them.

    • Elder God’s Minion

      I would say amen brother! /snark
      But having successfully escaped the very culture you discussed, I know that so very many of those kids are way too entrenched and brainwashed.
      Won’t stop me trying to reach out and spread the truth though. Keeping the faith as it were lol
      Still so much work to do.

      • ahughes798

        If only one of those Duggar children were gay….

        • Rotisserie Teal

          If I understand the law of probabilities, we’ll be hearing about that at some time in the not too distant future. On that day, I will giggle.

    • hamletta

      Reminds me of that Molly Ivins quote (paraphrased from memory): Once you find out they’ve been lying to you about race, you start wondering what else they were lying to you about.

  • Me not sure

    I went to midtown in Atlanta last night to see Brian Wilson and his band at the Fox Theatre. As we drove down Peachtree Street we witnessed numerous impromptu sidewalk parades of people carrying rainbow flags and signs celebrating the decision. The wife got a little teary and wished her brother could have lived to see this day. We both miss him. Now lets find a cure for AIDS. Lives continue to be lost.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      At least some of the celebration had to be because Mike Love wasn’t in the the band.

      • Me not sure

        True that!

      • Zippy

        You have no idea- I have worked with that version, he’s a douche bag

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Probably the nicest description of him I’ve ever heard.

          • Zippy

            I pulled my punch

      • Me not sure

        Or in the entire state for that matter.

    • OneYieldRegular

      My late sister would have been all over this had she lived just a couple years longer. She’d have grabbed her partner and gone and got gay married by 9:15 a.m. EDT yesterday.

      • Blank Ron

        One hopes that she’s somewhere nice, watching this and fist-pumping like mad…

  • Zippy

    FWIW I always reveled in being weird. Long ago I figured out that normal is boring and that people who aspire to being normal are losers. Be proud to be a misfit, any fool can be one of the herd…

    • “The world of heterosexual is a sick and boring life!”
      Aunt Ida (Edith Massey) – Female Trouble

      • Zippy

        I’m actually not a non-heterosexual, but I found plenty of other ways to be weird.

        • That’s the glory of being weird – everybody can do it!

          • Beaumarchais?

            If you’re not weird, you’re not trying!

        • Blank Ron

          When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

      • ahughes798

        Weird is weird and crosses all social and sexual boundaries. Being a weird hetero works for me. It’s certainly not boring. Doing art and music helps.

      • PubOption

        Heterosexuality isn’t normal. it’s just more common. – Derek Jarman

  • H0mer0

    you brought me to tears, Evan, with this post and the photographs above like the “Some gay celebrity” standing next to you brought tears to my eyes when he described the “It Gets Better” campaign on the teevee. That’s great that you were a part of this. Enjoy your days of being single while they last, you sound like you won’t have any trouble finding eligible candidates (like Brisdull) for trial marriages without the risk of inadvertent babby-making, but even if that happens, it would be AWESOME!)

  • freakishlystrong

    This is so beautiful. I’m filled with joy for all of my gay brothers and sisters. WE never saw you as second class.

    • EmmettGrogan

      Beautifully said!

  • weejee

    Thanks for sharing Evan. When my oldest grandbaby announced her ‘coming out’ almost all of the immediate family went huzzah in many part harmony! She chooses not to associate much with those relatives who do not love her just as much, if not more, after her ‘announcement’, than before. Of course we live in Savage country, so there is that.

  • jviscont1

    the path from sappy to happy and maybe pappy is now open. puppies too. best wishes Evan.

  • Callyson

    (SHUT UP, I AM QUITTING.)

    I don’t want to be that person, so I will only say this once:

    As an ex-smoker, I can tell you that you will never regret kicking the tobacco habit. Ever. It is hard as hell to quit, and you may need several attempts before you are successful, but it is DEFINITELY worth it. You can do it!

    • TeenLaQueefa

      It’s easy to quit, I must have done it at least a hundred times!

      It’s staying quit that’s hard.

      • jmk

        I waited until a) I was seriously in love with a wonderful, non-naggy non-smoker who trusted me to do the right thing and b) I had bronchitis and couldn’t get off the couch for three days to go outside in the middle of a snowstorm to have a smoke.

        By the time I was recovered enough to think of going outside, I’d convinced myself I was no longer physically addicted, so it would be stupid to start again. So I didn’t.
        I didn’t do any of the things they tell you to do – I didn’t set a quit date or get a buddy or tell all my friends. Heck, I didn’t even throw out my cigarettes for about 3 months, because I didn’t want to feel that “oh god I’m out of smokes” panic.

        It was just time…and it’s been 7 and a half years and I can’t remember what it was like to want to smoke.

        The only downside? I’m afraid that if I smoke a joint, it will make me want to smoke a cigarette…as a gateway drug.

        • TeenLaQueefa

          I read recently that nicotine is the real “gateway” drug and it makes sense. Feeling compelled to smoke every hour or so sets you up for more than one nasty habit.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I feel like the only person here who’s never been a smoker. Wtf is wrong with me?

          • TeenLaQueefa

            You’re smarter than the rest of us?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Try again.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Another lifelong non-smoker here.

          • Blank Ron

            Likewise. Tried it at 14, thought ‘WTF is so good about this?’ and never went back. And the funny thing is, my parents and sister were chain smokers. Object lesson?

          • SterWonk

            Me too, also.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Except for the very occasional cigar at a dining-in, or when a friend became a father, I’m a lifetime non-smoker too.

  • Callyson
  • NSR

    I was doing a lot better at Not Crying Like A Bitch today. And you wrecked it.

  • Handsome Gorilla is moved.

  • Ryan Denniston

    It just dawned on me that I stopped smoking using this one weird trick…

    Kidding. Seriously, I smoked for 15 years, quit using the patch. I was kind of a closet smoker, so it helped that I’d recently made a couple of friends that I didn’t want to know I was a smoker. Having some social support is definitely important. Also too, beer.

    • Dee Andee

      Those patches are what finally got my ex off the ciggies! :)

    • CBloom

      Bought an e-cig 4 years ago and never looked back.

  • Metadude

    Good on you, Evan!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Having also grown up in the South, I find that the part of this that brings me to tears is that I no longer feel I need to counsel young Southern gays and lesbians to get as far away from there as possible. This week’s bonus: the Confederate flag is coming down!

    • TeenLaQueefa

      The flag in Charleston came down this morning for 45 minutes… a brave young woman climbed the pole, removed it, and was arrested when she came down.

      • Enfant Terrible

        Saw that! Non-violent activism for the win!

      • Blank Ron

        For what? Loyalty to her country?

      • Me not sure

        Charleston or Columbia?

    • EmmettGrogan

      I know, right? The South is falling (hopefully, or at least being revamped). I live in rural TN, and am doing a happy dance for all the couples who can now be married.

  • Jeanne Prince

    Thank you and especially Thom, Ijpe, and Jonathan from another Tennessean!!!! As a middle-aged lesbian Tennessean, I really wasn’t sure I would ever see the day I could marry in Tennessee. Definitely not in my little rural hometown!! Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who worked so hard to make this happen!

    • EmmettGrogan

      I also live in a small, rural town in TN – I can’t tell you how happy I am to see TN gays/lesbians now be able to marry! Whoever and whenever you marry, I hope you have a long, happy and FUN marriage together!

      • EvanHurst

        HEY TENNESSEE PEOPLE.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      After the appeal that generated the SC ruling came down, a friend at work (Ohio) who’d been married in Massachusetts came into my office and yelled, “West Virginia has gay marriage before us. How is that possible?”

  • ahughes798

    I wish my friend, Glenn Allan Fischer, had lived to see this glorious day. He was the only guy at my job at the time, that ever complemented the work I was doing. He had a truly dark and wicked with that I miss these 30 years later. He died right before meds for AIDS were available. This one’s for you, Glenn! Thinking of you and smiling!

    • EmmettGrogan

      Kudos to Glenn! May he long be remembered among those who knew him.

  • BigDumbWhiteGuy

    Thom and Ipje look very dapper, oh okay they are sexy as fuck, going into the Supreme Court. I couldn’t help but notice the sign in the background stating “Don’t Think Christ Accepts You Dirty Homo” and then something at the bottom which can’t be made out.
    To Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, Jeb!, Rafael Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, et al., etcetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam: You stand with those that hate, plain and simple. Your religion is irrelevant to whether or not the government should recognize the union of two consenting adults of the same sex. Any disasters visited upon our nation will not be the result of God’s vengeance for the Supreme Court’s decision that it is un-Constitutional to treat homosexuals as second–class citizens , but will either be the result of naturally occurring phenomena or disastrous conservative policies.

    • Bitter Scribe

      …and then something at the bottom which can’t be made out.

      The first word appears to be “Stop” and the second, something that ends in “…ing.”

      Fucking?
      Loving?
      Existing?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Vogueing?

      • BigDumbWhiteGuy

        Breathing? Speaking?

    • eggsacklywright

      So I guess since Huckabee et al agree with Vlad Poutine, that means they’re all commies, right?

      • PubOption

        Friends of Ahmadinejad, too.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The only difference between asshats like Hucksterbee and the ISIL/ISIS guys is the thin veneer of theology over their hateful hearts.

        • Blank Ron

          And the difference in theology basically comes down to whether they refer to their god in English or Arabic.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Since Huckabee said he would defy the ruling, if he were to be elected president, when he takes the oath of office and swears to uphold and defend the Constitution, could we, at that moment, impeach him for perjury?

    • EmmettGrogan

      I want to make a bumper sticker that says “In the end, LOVE won out – June 26, 2015”. It was a victory for love, for our equal protection rights in our Constitution and a defeat for all the bigots who hate and cant see past their own noses to realize how much pain, hurt, shame and suffering they have inflicted on the LGBTGQ community. At this point, I just feel sorry for them because they just can’t seem to get the idea about love and being non-judgmental.
      Kudos to all those who made marriage equality happen! Many of you have lost jobs, etc. and sacrificed much just to be able to legally marry the person you love. You can be proud of yourselves for your courage, dignity and grace with which you handled all the attacks from the haters. I STILL can’t stop crying with joy over this amazing SC decision.

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    Evan, what a moving piece you’ve written for us here. Sometimes I feel weird too – a liberal, straight, white lady in the Repub suburbs of a very red state – people assume (hope?) I’m a Bible-beating conservative like my neighbors. Please thank your dear friends for their fortitude in taking their case all the way to the Supreme Court. May their marriage,and the others enabled by the SC ruling yesterday, be long, happy, and wicked fun.

  • Pat_Pending

    Oh, man. Just hit all the buttons, why don’tcha. That particular Tori Amos song has made me blubber for the last 20 years…

    • What’s so amazing about really deep thoughts?

    • EvanHurst

      A boy’s gotta have a favorite song of all time.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    Yeah, yeah, yeah…Meanwhile, are you in the picture? Which one?

    • Blank Ron

      In the market, are you?

    • EvanHurst

      I’m between Dan and Thom, second from right.

  • Pat_Pending

    btw, yr Wonkette is smokin’ HAWT. Some nice young man ought to scoop him up and put a fuckin’ ring on it already…

    • EvanHurst

      RIGHT?

      For everyone’s info, I am HAPPILY single. And picky. But emotionally ready, were I to be SWEPT OFF MY FEET.

      • malsperanza

        So this is what Ilgattomorte meant about “…a cross between Obamacare and Grindr” yesterday? Wonkette is now a dating service with health benefits!

        Hah! I knew it!

  • Enfant Terrible

    My first encounter with gay men and lesbian women was during my mercifully short career in ballet. (Very limited, talent-wise – not a good career fit.) I particularly remember David, Roger, Peter and Siri. This was in the early 1970s, btw. I had a mad crush on Siri and when she came out, I was crushed and confused. But I figured it out and we are still dear friends, mainly ’cause she’s a great human being. David was an energetic, fun person, a dyed-in-the-wool theater guy. As a child, he built a miniature theater, along with sets and music and everything and put on puppet shows for family and friends. Music and dance were a refuge for him. He died of AIDS in 1995. Roger was his partner – not a dancer himself, and I remember him as David’s rock – a strong, stable man who helped David weather the anti-gay bigotries that flourished at the time. Peter… Peter was difficult. Brilliant guy with a sharp tongue. He hated children. Backstage during productions of the Nutcracker was not a happy place for him, what with all the children dressed as mice or toy soldiers and such.

    Fast forward to the 1980s, when I was in college, making rent as a taxi driver. A lot of my business came from the gay bars downtown. The customers were altogether nicer than those from the fern bars in the warehouse district. And usually stinking drunk or stoned. At that time, homosexuality was still a shameful business and looking for love (or at least a good shagging) was a furtive, even scary, endeavor. Most of these guys were not publicly out, so they had a lot to lose if they were discovered. And they would drink or do drugs to excess to forget the outside world and to overcome their inhibitions about hitting on that hot guy or gal sitting across the room. I learned a lot about the human condition during my taxi driving days, and one of those things was what a struggle it was to be LGBT back in those days. Circling back to Peter, I often wonder if his “difficult-ness” was a defensive posture against a gay-unfriendly world?

    Things aren’t perfect nowadays, but they are better, just like Dan Savage said they would be. An LGBT person doesn’t have to cruise bars for love (unless he or she wants to). Love, a soulmate, or a good shagging can be pursued without the support of strong drink or drugs, and without shame. We are going forward to a world in which LGBT can honestly be who he or she is without fear. We are not going back.

  • MrBlobfish

    As a northeast commie liberal elitist, let me welcome the remainder of the country to the civilized world. We’re friends with 4 gay couples that got gay married and another gay couple that’s been gay divorced. Meteors have not crushed us. What hurts is one of the guys is a childhood friend whose parents disowned him and haven’t spoken to him in over 30 years. I can’t imagine how he feels. How can you do that to your own flesh and blood?

  • I asked for your hand in marriage yesterday, Evan Hurst, and you never replied.

    Please give me your answer soon – Jared (“The Galleria of Jewelry”) has a pretty draconian return policy.

    • EvanHurst

      HA, I always forget to reply to proposals, I am bad.

      Pencil it in as MAYBE.

  • tegrat

    My spouse is an EA (tax preparer), and she can tell you in no uncertain terms that for the opposition to claim that there is no harm in outlawing same-sex marriage is pure bullshit. And that’s just one tiny example. This is truly a happy day!

    • mailman27

      “Bullshit?” Excuse me?? That’s “applesauce” to you, young *splutter* person!

  • eddi

    Bravo!

  • Dolmance

    I remember when I realized early on, that I was attracted to monsters, and so, I hope, and fully expect you have better luck than I did.

    • Blank Ron

      Xenophilia’s a bitch, innit? *sighs*

  • AnOuthouse

    I was going to say ‘if you’re so awesome how come you’re stuck writing for Wonkette’? but this post is a great story and we’re lucky to have a big homo like you to entertain us. Thanks and hopefully you’ll find someone equally as awesome to give that nice judge lady something to do.

  • Blank Ron

    Bravo, Evan. Bravo. If we ever meet up* I got a big bear hug waiting for you, if you want one.

    * EAST COAST WONKETTE DRNKY THING!

    • EvanHurst

      That’s a good idea! Or …

      It would be quite a burden, but if someone needed me to plan a Wonkette Drinky Thing in New Orleans, I’d be willing to take one for the team and go spend the week in New Orleans. It would be hard, but I’d do it.

      • Blank Ron

        Your fellow Wonkettsia salute you for your sacrifice!

      • malsperanza

        Better wait a couple weeks til that vindictive little shit Jindal hits the deadline for compliance and finally instructs county clerks to issue licenses. Right now LA and MS are the only states refusing to grant licenses immediately.

        As you can imagine, New Orleans is Not. Pleased.

      • LIT_Fag

        Come on over to Little Rock next weekend for an impromptu 4th of July Drinky Thing! I’ve got a pool, hot tub, mojito fixins, smokes, and a spare room! Its not NOLA, but close and always relaxing.

  • TootsStansbury

    THIS is some Happy Nice Times.

  • nice_marmot

    This is a wonderful piece. Thank you.

  • Me not sure

    Inquiring minds want to know. Is “line fucking” similar to line dancing?

    • Helena Handbag

      It’s just that the floor gets a lot more slippery

      • Me not sure

        Wear your rubbers.

        • starfanglednut

          iswydt.

  • Biff52

    I grew up straight in the fucking Castro, not ONE of you guys tried to turn me. Imagine what that did to my self of steam. Anyway, I couldn’t be happier. Been a good week.

  • Beowoof14

    Thanks for your words Evan, they are heartfelt and meaningful. I am so grateful that my gay friends can now enjoy the same right to be married as anyone else.

  • Mark Schmidt

    O M G – you are all actual CITIZENS now, with rights ‘n’ shit! Good on all involved. FWIW, I believe the GOP is about dead, and this really helped kill it.

  • NorfolkAndWay

    Thanks for this. I’ve lived in NC for 27 years – love the climate, my house, my job, my friends. PA is too freaking COLD. But the NC government – GAAH. When they passed the law a few weeks ago allowing magistrates to recuse themselves from marrying gay couples due to religious objections, I began to finally consider moving away. Now I’d rather stay and fight against that stupidity, and hope this ruling will contribute to its being ruled unconstitutional. Someone’s gotta fight the good fight.

    • Biff52

      Yeah, wtf’s going on there? I remember when North Carolina was the good Carolina!

    • hamletta

      Yeah, that’s some straight-up unconstitutional bullshit. Get to work!

  • Helena Handbag

    Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for being our Wonkette. I would say you are a cunning linguist but, ahem…NOT!!!11!

  • Land Shark

    “… with Liberty and Justice for all.” (with no exceptions, finally)

  • Sebastian Melmoth

    You could have the wedding reception at Graceland! And have it catered by Central Barbeque! Lucky fella!!!

    • EvanHurst

      NO GRACELAND, but yes to Central BBQ. It is in my neighborhood. NOW you are jealous.

      • Sebastian Melmoth

        Absolutly green with envy. And, I surmise, your ‘hood is not too far from Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken on South Mendenhall.

    • mailman27

      No pizza, though. NO PIZZA11!!1!!!!

  • SterWonk

    “Guess I’d better go find a husband.”

    As a straight, happily single, happily disinterested-in-romance man, who has gotten a metric fuck-ton of “when are you getting married!!?!??!!” pressure from friends and family: Don’t do anything you’re not going to be happy with. You are the one who’s going to have to live with your spouse, and yourself, so don’t let them push you into anything.

    </rant-let>

  • EvanHurst

    OH BY THE WAY YOU GUYS.

    Now that they won their case, as opposed to being BIG LOSERS, if you’re inclined toward artistic things, you should go check out Thom’s art. It’ll probably be worth real ca$h money one day.

    http://thomkostura.com/

  • BadKitty904

    Gotdammit, Evan. If I bust out crying again, after yesterday’s Joyful News, my bf is gonna call a doctor to come look at me.

  • VandeGraf

    Good on ya.

  • BadKitty904

    Dear Evan,

    Thinking on what you wrote above, I can appreciate it all the more. I, too, grew up and currently live in a small Southern town. I, too, never particularly experienced serious persecution because of my sexuality, mostly because of my family, esp. my ferocious older brother. But I certainly know others that have. Yet, despite that hatefulness and fear and ignorance, this is my homeland, I love it dearly, and I will never live elsewhere voluntarily. What I will do, like you Tennesseans, is work to make this state a better place for *all* its citizens.

    I, too, never thought, esp. in the 25 years I’ve been on this planet, that I would live to see the day when I – like any other American – might proudly, legally, and publicly marry the person I love, though he is a man. I don’t know who-all of the many, many people who worked so hard for this to thank for this, but I can at least ask you to thank your buds, Mr. Kostura and Mr. DeKoe, for having the courage to do what REAL Americans do – challenge injustice. That photo of them walking into the Supreme Court is not just a photo of two handsome men, it is a photo of two American heroes determined to the Right Thing, whatever the consequence.

    It’s good men like you and Mr. Kostura and Mr. DeKoe who make salt sweet and darkness light. And I thank you, sir, for it.

    Your friend,

    Carter

  • malsperanza

    I went to the West Village last night to inhale some of the celebration. Huge party in front of the Stonewall Inn, which just happened to receive landmark status last Monday. (It’s also on the National Register of Historic Places.) Much rainbow bunting and dancing in the street. But I have to give top marks to the World Trade Center, which produced a gargantuan dildo-shaped rainbow. Take that, White House!

  • malsperanza

    Here’s a little bit of extra Happy Nice Time. There have been great comments all over social media today from straight people commenting that they found the SCOTUS decision strongly affirmative of their own marriages. To those who would claim that same-sex marriage threatens heterosexual marriage, I offer the following letter, posted to the NY Times by a certain Dogbury in the UK:

    “I’m a middle aged, straight British man who is too often beset with the
    cynicism of our age. I shouldn’t care that same sex marriage is now
    legal across the US. It’s been legal in Britain for over a year. My
    initial response upon reading about the ruling made by your Supreme
    Court, was a little of that polite, but ever so slightly superior
    applause, that I and my countrymen are so good at.

    But…

    This
    morning, not long after I rolled out of bed, and while I was waiting
    for the kettle to boil, I read an excerpt of the ruling that an American
    friend had posted on social media. It’s the section of the ruling that
    begins, ‘No union is more profound than marriage…’ and ends with, ‘The
    Constitution grants them that right’.

    I read it. I read it
    again. I wiped a few tears away. I then woke up my wife and read it to
    her. I gave my wife a hug and told how her how proud am I to be her
    husband and how much I love her.

    You chaps should be proud today
    as well. You’ve made a just and fair ruling, and framed it in beautiful
    rhetoric. Anthony Kennedy’s words will echo down the years.

    Good work!”

    • Antimassacree

      I was doing fine reading the opinion until “It is so ordered.” Something about having the full authority of the highest court in the land taking such an eloquent stand for what it obviously just (for a change) brought tears.

  • BadKitty904

    Dear Evan,

    Thinking on what you wrote above, I can appreciate it
    all the more. I, too, grew up and currently live in a small Southern
    town. I, too, never particularly experienced serious persecution
    because of my sexuality, mostly because of my family, esp. my ferocious
    older brother. But I certainly know others that have. Yet, despite
    that hatefulness and fear and ignorance, this is my homeland, I love it
    dearly, and I will never live elsewhere voluntarily. What I will do,
    like you Tennesseans, is work to make this state a better place for
    *all* its citizens.

    I, too, never thought,
    esp. in the 25 years I’ve been on this planet, that I would live to see
    the day when I – like any other American – might proudly, legally, and
    publicly marry the person I love, though he is a man. I don’t know
    who-all of the many, many people who worked so hard for this to thank
    for this, but I can at least ask you to thank your buds, Mr. Kostura and
    Mr. DeKoe, for having the courage to do what REAL
    Americans do – challenge injustice. That photo of them walking into the
    Supreme Court is not just a photo of two handsome men, it is a photo of
    two American heroes determined to the Right Thing, whatever the
    consequence.

    It’s good men like you and Mr. Kostura and Mr. DeKoe who make salt sweet and darkness light. And I thank you, sir, for it.

    Your friend,

    Carter

    • Dear Carter,

      It’s a damn shame that comments aren’t allowed on Wonkette, because this would’ve been one of the most moving of all time. Thank you, sir, for it.

      Your friend,
      Michael

  • lesterthegiantape

    For now I am celebrating. Later on when we all get tired of the endless ‘slippery slope’ and ‘my divorce is because of THEM’ etc. arguments, maybe the fun will wear off. But for now, congratulations to America’s newest citizens.
    I’m totally straight, but this decision has moved me so deeply that I’m making love to a burly gentleman even as I type this. HEY WAIT A MINUTE

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Perhaps we could run our own gay online version of “The Bachelor” to find Evan a husband. Not sure how online hottubs would work, but I’m sure we could figure out something.

    • Don’t ever accidentally ingest the water in an online hot tub.

  • BadKitty904

    Dear Evan,

    Thinking on what you wrote above, I can appreciate it all the more. I, too, grew up and currently live in a small Southern town. I, too, never particularly experienced serious persecution
    because of my sexuality, mostly because of my family, esp. my ferocious older brother. But I certainly know others that have. Yet, despite that hatefulness and fear and ignorance, this is my homeland, I love it dearly, and I will never live elsewhere voluntarily. What I will do, like you Tennesseans, is work to make this state a better place for *all* its citizens.

    I, too, never thought, esp. in the 25 years I’ve been on this planet, that I would live to see the day when I – like any other American – might proudly, legally, and publicly marry the person I love, though he is a man. I don’t know who-all of the many, many people who worked so hard for this to thank
    for this, but I can at least ask you to thank your buds, Mr. Kostura and Mr. DeKoe, for having the courage to do what REAL Americans do – challenge injustice. That photo of them walking into the Supreme Court is not just a photo of two handsome men, it is a photo of two American heroes determined to the Right Thing, whatever the consequence.

    It’s good men like you and Mr. Kostura and Mr. DeKoe who make salt sweet and darkness light. And I thank you, sir, for it.

    Your friend,

    Carter

  • Legion32

    “It’s hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did.” – Colbert

  • blogslut

    It is a great and wonderful thing. Went to a wedding reception yesterday and boBdammit, I loved everybody there because that’s how happy I was.

  • grmpy

    #1 “It’s nice to see they finally legalized marriage”
    #2 “Don’t you mean Gay marriage?”
    #1 “Is there a difference now?”
    -Cyanide and Happiness

  • Cuberly

    Great piece Evan. ;)

  • RIGHT! ON! EVAN!

    That is all.

    Edited to add: THANKS!

    OK that’s all for real

  • anniegetyerfun

    Evan, I would very much gay marry you in the butt if I were a hot gay dude. As it is, I am a not-hot bi woman.

    I could sell you a couple of freakishly adorable kids, though. Cheap.

  • SadDemInTex

    Love you and love your writing!

  • mtn_philosoph

    Molotov, Evan!

  • Alex Grey

    From the book of Chmstry Chapter 9 Vs. 9-27
    “And so God said, let the union of two atoms be one O with one O, to be bound as O². However it is an abomination, for C to be bound to the union of O and O as CO², for this results in God’s wrath being unleashed upon the planet in the form of excessive heat. Also it is forbidden for C to bond with O as CO, and God will smite the blasphemers, with inability to breathe.”

    • Alex Grey

      It’s contradicted later, when Jebus says that respiration is OK.

      • iyamtoo

        But what about the shrimp? Can we get a definitive on the shrimp question?

  • JD Mulvey

    “I never have experienced true discrimination…”

    Never forget the courage of those who went before.

  • intlet9949

    I live in SC so I have witnessed an amazing change of events concerning the Confederate flag. We both have seen positive changes this week regardless of what Scalia says.

    As for the smoking thing….I quit smoking when cigarettes were fifty cents a pack. What gave me the will to quit was viewing a public service ad in a magazine showing a smokers lungs and health lungs. Maybe this will be a mental image that will help you resist nicotine.

    • Truthiness2U

      Snark off here, tobacco being legal and marijuana being illegal (though in my state it’s legal…suck it losers who oppose legal weed) always pisses me off. Tobacco is toxic as fuck, and addictive as fuck. Two bad things, that go badly together.

    • lesterthegiantape

      cannot fap to this whatsoever

    • Glock H. Palin, Esq.

      Yeah, sure, the picture of big scary black lungs is the “bad” one, while the white lungs are the “good” one. Lung racist.

  • MyLovelyNose

    I think it’s interesting that Dan Savage looks so much like Tom Cotton that I actually thought for a sec that it was Iran Man himself doing the group hug.

  • Enfant Terrible

    As it happens, my friends Emily and Sarah got married this weekend. I am so happy to bear witness to this deep, abiding love that has blossomed between these two wonderful women. Here’s some music that expresses that happiness.

    https://youtu.be/7PzsyZR6Jt4

  • Pugsandcoffee

    This makes me happy! We did not get gay married in New York when Cuomo Italian mafia’d the state legislature to pass the homo marriage, but we did get gay married the first time the Supreme Court was all, Nah, mang, you can’t deny these gay people the right to pay the marriage penalty like all the straights.
    Soooooo, for me, as exxxciting as this is, the bloom kind of wore off. I couldn’t be happier for all my friends in backwards-ass places like Texas, though, who had to schlep up to New York and get married in Central Park like common hookers.

  • PooPooMcgee

    Yeah I’m sure you love it up the butt.

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