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The most important sacrament is refusing to bake cakes for gays. Religion fact.

The owners of Ashers Bakery in Northern Ireland, victims of the growing international menace of gay cake-eaters, might be feeling a little discouraged this week after nearly a year of legal wrangling ended with a Belfast court fining them for the “gay cake row” they started with some innocent biblically-inspired discrimination.

The story of Ashers is not only a cautionary tale cited by the homophobes in Ireland who just lost big in their bid to keep same-sex marriage off the other side of the McArthurs’ island, but a draw for the sympathy and support of America’s delegates to the World Conference of Homophobic Bakers. Aaron and Melissa Klein, owners of the now-shuttered Sweet Cakes by Melissa, which the State of Oregon the free market closed down in 2013 after they refused to fill an order for a lesbian wedding, have taken to the press to express their Thoughts on the case.

Mrs. Klein said she felt the judgment against the McArthur family, which owns the bakery, was “ridiculous.”

“They should have the right to be free not to express something they don’t agree with,” she said. “To me, being a baker, the cake is our canvas and we get to put our artwork on it. When you make a cake, you are putting your signature on it and they should have the right not to do it.”

The Democratic Unionist Party is attempting to build into Northern Ireland’s equality law a conscience clause that would allow businesses to refuse to provide some services if they clash with their strongly held religious convictions, and the Kleins said they would support such legislation.

Mr. Klein said: “We’re not trying to do something that is overtly trying to hurt someone, we’re not trying to tell someone you can’t have a cookie in my shop, we’re just saying we don’t support an event. My message to Ashers bakery is stand, fight this. It’s time for Christians to unite.”

Ashers Bakery actually went further than Sweet Cakes by Melissa in its gay cake objection, since the order they turned down was not for a giant piece of custom cakery for a sinful same-sex wedding reception. Customer Gareth Lee only wanted a regular-sized cake that happened to include Bert and Ernie, the platonic roommates of Sesame Street:

Mr. Lee told the County Court in Belfast: “I wasn’t asking anyone to support my views on anything. It was just an everyday transaction.”

Mr, Lee wanted the cake to include a slogan that said “support gay marriage” along with a picture of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street, and the logo of the Queerspace organisation.

Nice try, Mr. Lee, but the McArthurs are far too pious to be dragged screaming into the lake of fire for putting this sinful image on one of their good Christian cakes.

gay cake
The cake design submitted to Ashers Bakery by Gareth Lee. (Image via Belfast Telegraph)

The McArthurs can thank their choice of god that they live in Northern Ireland, the last country in the United Kingdom holding out against marriage equality. Unlike the Kleins, who recently lost their battle with Satan for the soul of their GoFundMe page, the McArthurs’ religious objections to gay cakes do not seem poised to take down their company. A chain with a half-dozen retail outlets is unlikely to be crippled by a fine of £500 (about $774), and their legal defense has been sponsored, with enthusiasm, by the UK’s anti-gay Christian Institute.

For the moment, Ashers Bakery is avoiding what we assume would be a deluge of gay cake requests by only taking custom orders for “birthdays and baby-related products.” We would encourage you to try out their Build-A-Cake generator to see what kind of messages they’d be willing to write with their blessed hands, but it would involve clicking through their creepy site. Enter at your own risk.

cake builder

Follow Beth on Twitter for the latest gay cake coupon codes!

[ BBC News / Irish Times / Belfast Telegraph ]

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  • memzilla

    “On Knees For Jesus.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Whoever wrote that, it’s like hiring Walter White for an anti-drug commercial or Bart SImpson as PR Director for Springfield Elementary.

  • cousin itt

    “You must not send us any images or any other material, or any content within such images, which contain any threatening, defamatory, blasphemous or pornographic material, or show any kind of child abuse, or are racially offensive or abusive of any religion, or likely to incite hatred against any person or group, or are otherwise criminal or offensive in the minds of reasonable people, or are obscene or menacing or harassing in any way, or breach any applicable law.”

    So much for my Dick Cheney devil’s food cake.

    • Vienna Woods

      So much for my Dick Cheney devils food cake.
      Took out the redundancy for you.

      • memzilla

        When I was a little kid, I developed a taste for Cheneyed Ham sammiches.

        • schmannity

          The Cheney is in the details.

          • Blank Ron

            And let Cheney take the hindmost!

          • schmannity

            The Cheney made him do it.

          • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

            You kids are just being Cheneyish.

          • schmannity

            While hunting, never say Get behind me Cheney.

        • eggsacklywright

          The Cheney you say!

        • Tallmutha

          May you be in heaven half an hour before Cheney knows you’re dead.

        • jmk

          My mom makes the best Cheneyed eggs.

        • Vecciojohn

          There used to be a chain of Cheney Baked Ham outlets in my area. Caught dysentery at one of them back in the 80s. Thought I’d die. True story.

        • Querolous

          The Miami MLB team are no longer the Cheney Rays. They are still a horrible team.

    • schmannity

      What to do for Walpurgisnacht?

      • guppy06

        What will we serve for the First Annual Wonkette Shin-Kicking and Ferret-Legging Championship?

        • frrolfe

          How about roast beef and Yorkshire pulling-your-pud?

        • mtn_philosoph

          James Bond’s Birthday?

    • guppy06

      OK, what UK holidays does that actually leave? I mean, Guy Fawkes’ Day is right out, and I suspect things aren’t looking too good for Walpurgis either.

  • memzilla

    …a Belfast court fining them for the “gay cake row” they started …

    Here in Noo Yawk City, Gay Cake Row is the cheeriest shopping aisle at Zabar’s!

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    “You must not send us any images or any other material, or any content
    within such images, which contain any threatening, defamatory,
    blasphemous or pornographic material, or show any kind of child abuse,
    or are racially offensive or abusive of any religion, or likely to
    incite hatred against any person or group, or are otherwise criminal or
    offensive in the minds of reasonable people, or are obscene or menacing
    or harassing in any way, or breach any applicable law.”

    Sounds like a good way to open a petition to TLC…

  • Land Shark

    If their religious beliefs are threatened by the words “gay marriage,” then they need to examine their religious beliefs.

    So … I assume wearing a “Cotton/Poly Blend” will consume their souls and destine them as eternal guests of Mr. Biel_za_Bubba?

  • schmannity

    If lunchcounters in the 50s served wedding cake and pizza, we could have taken care of all this long ago.

    • Me not sure

      Back in my day we only had civil muffins, AND WE LIKED THEM!

      • Vecciojohn

        You had civil muffins? Luxury! Our old dad used to make us eat rude muffins before we went to work down the mines for 18 hours a day.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Next thing you know, Betty Crocker is going to come out as a lesbian!!

    • Me not sure

      SHE’S A LESBO!

      • jmk

        Sounds like if she were alive today, she’d be driving a Subaru.

        • Me not sure

          But man, did she ever bake great cookies!

          • jmk

            There’s something about grandmothers and cookies…I miss my grandma’s double chocolate chip cookies and real shortbread fiercely.

      • guppy06

        During the Depression? What was the prize, having actual cake to eat?

        • Me not sure

          One THOUSAND dollars! Helped save the family business.

    • SnarkOff

      Oh, yeah…she and Aunt Jemima have been together for years.

      • Vecciojohn

        I’ve always had my doubts about Mrs. Smith. Just sayin’.

        • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

          And Sarah Lee!

  • FlownOver

    Let them eat shit. (The bakers, not Teh Gayz, obvs.)

  • Doesn’t there seem to be a lot of homophobic, closeted men involved in this industry? It’s like they want their cake and to eat it too.

    • Me not sure

      You’ll never see this guy running a bakery…

  • Me not sure

    ” When gay cake-baking objectors are outlawed only outlaws will have baked cakes for not gay cake eating….I dunno……Fuck it, lets just bake the damn cake.”

    • SnarkOff

      Me, I like pie.

      • Me not sure

        HOMOPHOBE!

      • eggsacklywright

        Mmmm, punkin’ pie.

        • Querolous

          “Mince” meat!

      • Blank Ron

        Blue is a colour!

  • Spotts1701

    Uh-uh. I ain’t going in there, man. I might get creepy homophobic baker cooties all over me.

    • Blank Ron

      It’s okay, I’m told that you can ‘kiss away the anti-gay.’ Not that I’ve tried, mind you. Well, not very often. Okay, not THIS week.

      • JustPixelz

        Mmmmm … delicious chocolate kisses … WAIT! WHAT?

      • guppy06

        I believe the kisses must involve lots of tongue, and be in “the swimsuit area.”

        • eggsacklywright

          Hey, they don’t call it Aer Lingus for nothin’.

        • Blank Ron

          For me, that would be the ‘where I put all the clothing I will never ever wear again in public’ drawer.

    • eggsacklywright

      It’s all Sodom and Begorrah over there.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You win the internets!

  • VandeGraf

    Support your local Christian Bigots! First they took our Slavery! Then the gave Women the Vote and repealed Prohibition! Now they are allowing Gays to Marry! What’s next?! Pretty soon we won’t be able to Stand Our Ground, the Police won’t be allowed to shoot The Colored, and they will outlaw Praying at Governmental Functions!? Jesus hates them, and so should you! Progressives, liberals, and Democrats! Also, Hippies, Gen-X whiners, and licentious Millennials are all Satan’s Minions! Long live Duggars, Duck Hunters, and Evangelists with Big Haired Wives! Christian Bigotry must change to be kept alive in Amerika! It must become Even More Like Radical Islam!

    • Blank Ron

      I had no idea we were allowed to quote verbatim from the FRC’s Mission Statement.

    • Angry_Cop

      Didn’t we just have this conversation over the coffee machine? I’m very sure I work with you.

      • bluejayray

        My last boss told me that the only news he ever watched was Fox because they were the only ones who told the truth…

        • Gil

          To which you replied ?

          • bluejayray

            It came out of the blue. My eyes got really really big, I’m sure. He was also our Human Resource manager, so I just pretty much avoided him.

  • cousin itt

    All I said was, I’d like a cake that was good enough for Jehovah.

    • Msgr_Moment

      Hey, wanna get stoned?

  • Politics_Nerd

    Love thy neighbor as thyself, fucking retards.

  • cousin itt

    On knees for Jesus? Still, Mary Magdalene preferred the missionary position.

    • JustPixelz

      She practically invented it.

  • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

    Welcome to Northern Ireland, where they make those cakes we don’t like.

  • MrBlobfish

    “…the cake is our canvas and we get to put our artwork on it”. Maybe true. How many works of art can you poop out when your done?

    • Vecciojohn

      If Picasso were alive today, he’d be baking cakes in Northern Ireland.

      • bluejayray

        And they would look like and say whatever he wanted them to! (Fox would have to do a lot of blurring when they did the outrage story.)

  • Msgr_Moment

    Why do Bert and Ernie hate Jebus?

  • SnarkOff

    “Gay cake row” makes me envision a bunch of British drag queens throwing giant gobs of pink frosting at each other to the tune of “I Will Survive,” and I want in.

    • jmk

      I would totally watch that on PPV.

    • bluejayray

      And then of course there’s “We Are Family” by the Pointer Sisters…

  • JustPixelz

    “To me, being a baker, the cake is our canvas and we get to put our artwork on it.

    Her self-importance has extra baking powder.

    • Me not sure

      I thought art and gay were close friends. This is an artful cake….

      • guppy06

        It says “It’s your turn to do the laundry!”

        In fact, I think I see a market for a passive-aggressive bakery…

        • bluejayray

          Yes! And can you imagine a gay-owned bakery refusing to bake “straight” wedding cakes? Horrors! Someone really should do it just for the hell of it.

      • bluejayray

        Cool cake.

  • coozledad

    When I was eighteen years of age
    In Asher’s bakery I engaged
    To bake for Proddys of the hetero school
    An icing bag was my chosen tool

  • JustPixelz

    “gay cake row”

    In America that row is …
    – angel food
    – banana bread
    – layer
    – pizza
    – brownies
    – wedding
    – twinkies
    – upside down
    – snowballs
    – devil’s food

  • RJ (TO)

    “They should have the right to be free not to express something they don’t agree with”

    Funny that christians don’t feel that way when they’re trying to force their beliefs into civil laws to compel everyone else to follow.

    • Blank Ron

      You keep forgetting, they’re Real True Christians and therefore Know Better Than Us.

      • BackDoorMan

    • coozledad

      Free to practice Duggary.

      • Vecciojohn

        The abominable crime of Duggary.

        • bluejayray

          But wait! Boys will be boys, just curious, playing doctor, no harm done…
          It makes me gag the way it’s all about Josh, and the girls (now young women) that he harmed forever are just treated like set props in a play.

    • jmk

      Yep… I always ask them if that means I have the right to be free not to express a belief that life begins at conception.

      Funnily enough, according to them, it never does.

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Ya really have to compartmentalize your brain to be a conservative.

        • Vecciojohn

          Yes. Keep the neocortex out of the action at all costs.

        • bluejayray

          …and tie the other half of it behind your back, like Rush does.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They are the printer, not the author. Do the folks running the presses at the NYT get any say in (or any blame for) David Brooks’ and Ross Douhat’s nonsense? No they do not.

      You are doing work for hire, cakenuts, get over yourselves.

    • bluejayray

      They really believe that our freedom of religion in this country is just for christians, and only the RIGHT KIND of christians… It’s especially funny when catholics and mormons do it–It wasn’t that long ago that they were hated minorities in this country. Now there’s 5 catholics on the Supreme Court, and a mormons running for President.

      • RJ (TO)

        I also get a kick out of the broad usage of the term “Judeo-Christian Values” since Jews and Christians are at odds over the very core of their belief systems: Christians believe Jews are going to hell for rejecting Jesus as Lord and Jews believe Christians are going to hell for accepting Jesus as Lord. Using the term “Judeo-Christian Values” is like saying “I support you except that I don’t”.

        • calliecallie

          Except Jews don’t believe in hell.

          • RJ (TO)

            Then why is my Jewish coworker always telling me to go there? (lol) You’re right of course, but my main point was that their core beliefs are at odds. Although, it does seem an awful lot of christians are funnily enough more preoccupied with the pre-christ testament…

        • bluejayray

          Exactly. It also means “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. Frankly, I’ve had it WAAAY past up to here with “biblical values”.

  • Nothing puts me in the mood for cake like seeing multiple reminders of Jesus’ bloody, agonizing execution. Yum!

    • guppy06

      As a lapsed Catholic, Jesus’ bloody, agonizing execution makes me hungry for stale crackers.

  • coozledad

    MacArthur’s cakes are melting in the dark
    all the butter frosting flowing down
    someone made them bake cakes for the gays
    and they don’t think that they can take it
    Jesus told them not to bake it
    or they’ll be cast into the lake of fire

    Oh, no.

    • Blank Ron

      Bravo! Arthur!

    • bluejayray

      Thank you! My sinuses are totally clear now! Seriously, good job. I HATE the original song, but your lyrics make it come to life.

    • calliecallie

      Taking me back to my disco days. Let’s boogie!

  • undercover epicurean

    Cake jerks should move to Belfast. With any luck, they’ll learn the true meaning of ‘religious persecution’.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Nothing says “The one true God” like a pipe bomb.

      • bluejayray

        Not to mention god’s “love”…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I have a hunch that self-righteous bakers like this, nutcakes if you will, have convinced moderates to move towards supporting gay marriage. I mean, you look at this and say, “WTF? If that’s what they’re against, then I guess for the sake of basic fairness, I must be for it.”

    • Vecciojohn

      I think a lot of diehard homophobes are beginning to see the writing on the gay cake. When 60% of voters in Ireland approve, you’re pretty well fucked if you think things are ever going to move in the other direction. Sorry, troglodytes, you lose again.

  • smr06va

    Yeah!………………………..coupons!!!………….

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “They should have the right to be free not
    to express something they don’t agree with,” she said. “To me, being a
    baker, the cake is our canvas and we get to put our artwork on it. When
    you make a cake, you are putting your signature on it and they should
    have the right not to do it.”

    Anybody else get lost in this “logic?”

    • BackDoorMan

      I believe you have to start with the premise that the baker is an “artist”, when in fact they are merely being asked to provide a product to the specifications of the customer regardless of a skill level someone might consider to be “artistic”.
      I can tell people I’m a genius because *I* think I am… doesn’t make it true.

      • SadDemInTex

        Very clear and cogent statement.

    • bluejayray

      It’s really pretty silly.

  • Toomush_Infer

    How are they on divorce cakes….?

    • bluejayray

      DAMN good question! Actually, divorce may be illegal in Ireland.

      • guppy06

        This is Belfast, the other Ireland.

        (And at least one news outlet mentioned that gay marriage enjoyed wider support in the Republic of Ireland than did the legalization of divorce in the 1990’s.)

        The Republic will still leave you to die if you need an emergency abortion, though.

      • Bill Slider

        They ca them anullment cakes.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, just STFU, “SweetCakes.”

    No love,

    EQ

    • bluejayray

      I’m thinking “Let us eat CAKE” should be the new gay rights rallying cry. How did fast food and baked goods become the front line for civil rights for people who are born gay.?

      • elviouslyqueer

        For real. I mean, for 9/10ths of the year, carbs are like gay Kryptonite. At least for me.

  • ca_rickf

    “On knees for Jeebus”? Me thinks Aaron is on his knees for other reasons.

  • AntiDerpomeme

    “To me, being a baker, the cake is our
    canvas and we get to put our artwork on it. When you make a cake, you
    are putting your signature on it and [blah, blah, blah]…”

    Wow, talk about delusions grandeur. Or maybe I’m just going about my life without enough self-important fluffing. Let’s see…To me, being a computer professional, the keyboard is like a conductor’s baton, and when you compile some code, it’s like directing a magical fairy symphony. Good golly, I’m way more artistic than I ever imagined!

    • Sounds like somebody binge-watched a few too many episodes of Ace of Cakes.

      • SadDemInTex

        Ace of Cakes libelz!!!!! Bet he would make a big awesome cake for a gay wedding and marry them, too!

    • Bill Slider

      And, important, also, too.

    • BearGHAZI

      To me, being a bureaucrat is more than shuffling papers around and sometimes signing them. I am creating a human tapestry in numbers and dates, a reflection of our common experience that will echo throughout my c: drive. I’ll be damned if those numbers get all faggy.

    • SadDemInTex

      hahahaha, as if the conductor’s baton did anything…did you ever hear the “Baton Symphony”? Yeah…that was 45 minutes of silence.

  • VirginiaLady

    So we’re all arteests de Disqus?

    • eggsacklywright

      Oh, look! A cupcake descending a staircase!

  • guppy06

    I kind of doubt the surly teens down at Carvel’s gives a fuck what I ask for on my ice cream cake.

  • bluejayray

    While being denied a cake because of the baker’s “deeply held religious beliefs” might seem almost comical, here’s where it takes us. Here in Amerikkka we now have christian pharmacists at Walmart stores refusing to fill hormone prescriptions for women. They need to be fired.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Agreed. It could get even worse if the homophobic religious fanatics got their way. If these bakers were to win a victory at the supreme court and not have to serve gay people, it could be used by other bigots to weaken the 1964 civil rights act.

      • bluejayray

        That’s the plan. It’s my understanding that you can’t use your own civil rights to deny the rights of others.

  • TheBidenator

    I just don’t get this bullshit about “deeply held beliefs” in business transactions and I damn sure don’t understand where the fuck these arrogant turds get off thinking the rest of us just have to put up with them. If you’re going to discriminate against others don’t whine when everyone else discriminates against you. I know where it all comes from: segregation but seriously, if you’re discriminating against customers for no logical reason aside from your religious beliefs you deserve to go out of business for it because you suck at business.

    Stupid wingnut dildos….

    • Land Shark

      I’m pretty sure a wingnut using a dildo would BURN FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!111!!! I keep asking … will they bake a cake for someone wearing a cotton/poly blend?

  • Bill Slider

    So, the next time I decide to purchase a pecan pie grom a baker, my first question should be, do you make wedding cakes for gay weddings? Bakery owners should take advantage of their support for diversity with a sign in the window, All cake orders welcome, or use the more subtle approach and hang a photo of a rainbow.

  • Enfant Terrible

    I’m madder than heck that gay hatin’ bakers are getting all the press. What about gay hatin’ electricians? Gay hatin’ meter monitors? Gay hatin’ greeting card illustrators? Who will tell their stories????????

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Little did I know, a few years ago, that baking a cake was a sacrament.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Flying Spaghetti Monster cakes are the most holy! – ;)

      • sw19womble

        Beer volcano libelz!!!!!

      • eggsacklywright

        Ah, sweet tentacles of redemption.

    • eggsacklywright

      Take, eat, this is my cupcake.

    • Hardly Ideal

      If baking and frosting a cake counts as a form of worship, I think you need some better rituals.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Oh My God, the horror. Homophobic bigots might actually have to sell to gay people, instead of denying them service and punishing them for their “sinful lifestyle.” Why its so horrible, its like when we passed the civil rights act in the sixties and no longer allowed private business to refuse to serve black people. Now you might see a gay or lesbian couple kissing at the table next to you in a restaurant, and you won’t be able to demand that the restaurant owner kick them out of the building for their “sin.”

  • Joshua Norton

    “We’re not trying to do something that is overtly trying to hurt someone

    Nice try. And it might have worked, too, except for the fact that that’s EXACTLY what you’re trying to do.

  • missannthrope

    “The Democratic Unionist Party is attempting to build into Northern Ireland’s equality law a conscience clause that would allow businesses to refuse to provide some services if they clash with their strongly held religious convictions, and the Kleins said they would support such legislation.”

    Looks like they’re going to go back to Belfast of the 1970s. All those signs in windows saying, “no Catholics.”

    • sw19womble

      The DUP was founded by the Rev. Ian Paisley. A more shouty, angry, intolerant, bigoted person you are unlikely to ever meet.

    • Hardly Ideal

      As Gimli almost said, I’ll be dead before I see a home loan in the hands of a Protestant!!

  • sw19womble

    It’s morons like these fucking bozos that makes the theory of “voluntary exchange” so difficult to enact in the real world. :(

  • timpundit

    The Build A Cake thingie is kinda fun.

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    “And no Irish either,” added McArthur.

    • Well, yeah. In Northern Ireland, “Irish” is code for “Catholic IRA-loving traitors”; I bet you dollars to donuts that the McArthurs define themselves as “British”.

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