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But they looked so happy, in Kentucky, with their guns!

SAD NEWS, everybody. Sarah Palin will no longer have a new son-in-law to “eye-fuc,” because the impending nuptials of Bristol Palin and Dakota Meyer, planned for this weekend, have been 86’ed, as reported by Mama Grizzly Dumb Ass, on the Facebook:

OH NOEZ

We were very happy for Bristol when she announced in March that she and Dakota Meyer were going to gay marry each other in the traditional marriage parts, and also too when they announced in April that they were living in sin. We honestly want Bristol to be happy, instead of out shilling for abstinence for cash or being on terrible awful reality shows. She deserves SOMETHING better than those things, in life, because we care about Bristol and want good things for her.

But we have also been a little bit worried, because this Dakota Meyer character seems like kind of a dick, even if he is a Medal of Honor soldier dude, and also because he revealed that he has PTSD, which sort of made us think, “Whoa hey there, Bristol, be careful!” Not that it’s necessarily unmanageable, or that he doesn’t have it under control; we just wanted to make sure Bristol knew what she was getting into. But then we got even a little worried-er, when we saw this picture on the Instagram, of Sgt. Meyer with “Rowan,” who is either the baby in his arms, or the name of the gun on the side table, right by the baby, one of the two.

What in this picture doesn't belong????

But here is a thing we find curious, about Mama Palin’s announcement. There will be no wedding, but there WILL be a party, with both the Palin and Meyer families, presumably including Bristol and Dakota? What is happening?

Let’s speculate:

  • They are splitsies, but it is amicable, and they have decided to make a party happen anyway, because plane tickets have been bought, and also Sarah Palin had already gored a moose, in the brain, to barbecue up for Saturday’s party.
  • They are NOT splitsies, but just decided to take a break and decided what they hey, let’s still invite everybody over to Kentucky, for a party, because again, the thing about Sarah Palin goring the moose in the brain.
  • Bristol’s abstinence cash was starting to run out, and you can’t be getting married, if you want everybody to think that your pure, renewed virginity is still intact. Maybe they are doing a party to celebrate Bristol’s newfound (for the seventh or eighth time) virginity. It could happen!

What other possibilities can you think of, Wonkers, for the Palin and Meyer families to get together this weekend for a party at the “old Kentucky home,” if not to watch Dakota and Bristol get married and then lose their virginity to each other for the five thousandth time? Let us know in the, as always, completely disallowed comments.

[Sarah Palin on Facebook via The Hill]

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  • elviouslyqueer

    As I speculated on teh Twatter, that “baby bump” turned out to be one-too-many orders of chili cheese fries Bristol mowed down at the Wasilla Sonic.

    CRISIS AVERTED, yo.

    • ArgieBargie

      The problem wasn’t the fries per say, but the fact she was washing them down with wine coolers.

      • kindness

        Lots of wine coolers.

  • Fartknocker

    Dakota read several Fartknocker reports and concluded this was a family he could not truly love and cherish. Your welcome, Dakota!

    • ArgieBargie

      Pathetic attempt to justify the existence of the Far…

      Oh hai, Fartknocker!

    • SterWonk

      Damn you, Fartknocker!!!

  • BadKitty904

    She’s decided to devote her life to Allah.

    • data_ninja

      “Allah have another wine cooler”?

  • PirateCafe

    Maybe he *finally* realized their only motivation was having an MOH in the family to lend them some sort of credibility.

    • coozledad

      His first wife had strong objections to the niptuals.

      • PirateCafe

        Oops, I see a nip slip!

  • Jenny

    They’re trying to throw the Wasilla paparazzi off their trail?

  • Sheepshagger

    We got half a pack of cigarettes, five teenths of meth, a half tank of derp and mom needs her PAC money by midnight. Hit it!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      If you are anywhere near to KY, get your ass and your cell phone cam over there before the weekend. There is money in it if you get the post party brawl video on tape.

      • KarenJ

        This would be a good time to invest in a pen-camera. Or a camera-pen. You know, so that the Palin Mafia doesn’t confiscate anything that looks like it can record brawls and mayhem.

    • coozledad

      Again?

  • SnarkOff

    It’s a clever ruse, designed to fool Vogue and In Style, who were planning to send photographers to cover this most classy of nuptials. The ceremony will indeed take place, but at an undisclosed location, in front of an intimate group of family and close friends. The couple asks for your understanding.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Elvis will officiate.

  • onedollarjuana

    Every miniseries producer knows (or should know) that you have to keep the romantic tension going. Once you resolve it (like via marriage) viewer interest drops like a stone.

  • They could not agree to terms on the residuals for their planned reality show. Bristol felt that, as the bigger name, she should get a larger percent of that income as well as all of the overseas royalties. Or maybe not.

    • PirateCafe

      And he felt, as the man of the family, that he should receive all the money.

  • coozledad

    I hear bill O’ Reilly’s in the market for a tote bag.

    • Biff52

      Or a punching bag.

  • timpundit

    Due to lower income and no reality show of her own it was decided to wed her to a Duggar, where they both adopt Honey Boo Boo, and teach her Hillbilly handfishing. All next week on TLC.

    • Jaime Oria

      “Hillbilly handfishing” – IYKWIMAITYD

      • Gleem-McShinez

        Abstinence-Only Approved!

      • SterWonk

        Or possibly Noodling?

    • Zippy

      I hate sweeps week

    • Biff52

      Handfisting=redundant.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    clearly the Palin’s didn’t get enough sweet sweet attention and lucre the first time around, so they need to replan this thing, probably as a fucking reality teevee show.

  • I’d comment on this wedding collapse but comments have been disavowed.

    • Spotts1701

      Mr. Phelps is disappointed in you.

  • JohnR

    They still want to collect the gifts no doubt. No doubt Bristol’s abstinence only sex ed tour will get back on the road.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Hey, that Wal-Mart registry isn’t going to buy itself.

  • BearGHAZI

    They’re having a Kingsmoot to determine which Palin will rule the Derpborn

  • JohnR

    The gun is there in case the kid comes at him with a loaded diaper.

    • SnarkOff

      A shit show ensues.

    • coozledad

      As my wife says, poor little Trick, (or Trap?) ain’t never gonna have no deddy.

      • 24601

        I believe it’s Tarp.

        • PirateCafe

          No Trail?

          • 24601

            Traffic Cone.

          • elviouslyqueer

            No, silly. TruckNutz.

    • JustPixelz

      It’s called a “boom boom”. It = the diaper; also the gun.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Bristol is holding out in case the Donald needs a younger bride?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Ew.

      • Virginia Dreaming

        Some people will do anyone for money.

        • AntiDerpomeme

          And I think Clan Palin has proven they’re game for any depravity, no matter how dumb and degrading.

    • riledupone

      Isn’t El Rushbo having marital difficulties again? BP could be wife #5.

    • BackDoorMan

      … then she’s going to be disappointed because the Dumbald goes for the “trophy wife” not the blue ribbon winner at the Hog Fair.

  • CalvinianChoice

    They had reserved Twin Peaks in Waco for the reception.

    • btwbfdimho

      Or Dakota was riding a bike around Wacko?

  • JohnBull

    Too bad there’s a certain pizza joint in Indiana that won’t be catering.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The groom discovered Bristol was not a virgin?

    • Zippy

      or she discovered that he is?

  • 24601

    It’s just swell that with one week’s notice they are turning the day from a wedding to a “celebration of life, in general!” But if I’d taken vacation time off from work, paid for plane tickets and hotel rooms and formal attire for my family to attend I would be miffed! Oh, wait I forgot. Hillbillies.
    http://ifail.info/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/redneck-wedding.jpg?98bbf9

    • elviouslyqueer

      MY EYES.

      Oh, hold up. That one far left? Gay.

      • JustPixelz

        I’ve gouged my eyes out many times over pictures like that. Your eyes will recover; your soul will not.

      • SnarkOff

        Shut up; he is just happy, is all.

        • 24601

          Oh, my….

      • Zippy

        I’d be far more worried about the local sheep with that crew

      • marxalot

        The one next to him, too. With the sleeves.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Not with those pants.

          *clutches pearls*

          • dansezlajavanaise

            i know, why is he wearing the wrong pants? was he excluded from the wedding party deal at the tux rental place?

          • KarenJ

            He looks like the only one that has actually USED his camo pants.

          • BackDoorMan

            … or at least washed them. A bit too much bleach perhaps, but maybe he was doing a load of white sheets at the same time.

          • marxalot

            Poor thing. Doesn’t know his way around the closet, much less out of it.

        • April

          Sleeves = formal attire.

      • KarenJ

        How cute that the groom is the only one not hiding his “package”.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      ^^ Which one is taking her to the honeymoon suite?

      • Virginia Dreaming

        AOT, K

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Bwhahahahahaahaha. Damn I love this place.

      • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

        The one with sleeves?

      • coozledad

        I think it’s the one with the double flavor saver.

      • Jenny

        The one with the weddin coordinated hair

    • JustPixelz

      Where’s the pizza?

    • SnarkOff

      That’s weird. All I see is a bride.

      • AnOuthouse

        Camo is very slimming.

        • Beaumarchais?

          Cannot upfist enough!

    • Anarchy Pony

      I was recently informed that an acquaintance’s wedding will feature groomsmen all dressed in carharts.

    • April

      Doesn’t the groom know that orange mohawk clashes with camo…

  • Spotts1701

    The President accepted his invitation?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The reality show deal fell through and so they back off the wedding because that is the money shot for the pilot episode. Either that or the pharmaceutical company got a TRO to prevent Barstool from calling herself Bristol Meyer.

    • PirateCafe

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA –> Bristol Meyer!

    • CalvinianChoice

      Oh you squibbed it.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Bristol found out that her mom was sleeping with the groom?

    • Gleem-McShinez

      “Let’s not quibble over who fuc’d who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion!”

      • aureolaborealis

        “… bicker and argue about …”

        Sorry.

        • Gleem-McShinez

          “Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?”

  • fawkedifiknow

    Did Bristol’s probation agent nix her out-of-state trip?

  • VandeGraf

    It’s amazing how people like the Palins love to live in public, reveling in celebrity, then– suddenly!– when fukt-beyond-belief, understand that they are very private and request that they be allowed their media seclusion, until such time as — suddenly!– they are public figures again, twirling their skirts and ruffled shirts in a jubilation of their being so self important and so celebrated! Trying to keep up with the vicissitudes of their narcissism is a serious chore.

  • Anarchy Pony

    If he was smart he gtfo while the getting was good.

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      I’m thinking along the lines of Jean Shepherd’s Wanda Hickey’s Night of Golden Memories. if you haven’t read it, get it and read it.

  • 24601

    May 23rd is the day Sarah’s going to announce she’s running for president.

    • SterWonk

      I’m not sure whether to be happy for that – because Dear Sweet Lord in heaven, the comedy; or terrified – because Dear Sweet Lord in heaven, even more attention being paid to that woman.

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • Zippy

    Wedding? I thought they were already in Waco holding their brawl riot mayhem reception

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Bill O’Reilly had the groom excommunicated and Bristol wants a church wedding?

  • dslindc

    I assume they realized that with marriage equality coming in June, any straight marriage they had would be destroyed within 6 weeks, so why bother?

  • Squirrels05

    Always great when someone like Palin echoes the ditties sung in the great days of slavery.

  • sundaytrucker

    PETA put the kibosh on the snake-handling portion of the wedding.

  • Zippy

    She quit

    just like mama

    • JustPixelz

      Three times: With Levi before the election; with Levi after the election; now this dude.

      • Zippy

        the wine cooler buzz just doesn’t last long enough to make it down the aisle

      • JohnBull

        A premature election? That’s how her last pregnancy began.

    • cessnadriver

      Oh, Zip….why didn’t I think of that one first! I do hope it’s public domain.

  • Squirrels05

    They are young people, I wish them the best.

    Maybe they need a firearm safe for a not getting hitched gift?

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Bristol is trying to snag one of those hot Duggar boys?

  • sundaytrucker

    Dakota got tired of Bristol calling out someone else’s name when speaking in tongues.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Montana! Montana!”

      • Squirrels05

        Coooo dyyyy!

    • KarenJ

      “North”? “South”? Oh, that’s Sarah, on learning about Korea.

  • btwbfdimho

    They ran out of Meth so the Methodist priest dropped the towel.

  • Squirrels05

    Bristol realized Kentucky sucked even more than living close to her mama.

    • fredoandme

      hey!

      • Squirrels05

        I’m sure your area of Kentucky is great.

        Actually, I like the Bluegrass State just fine.

        • fredoandme

          okay. i’m thinkin’ about drivin’ down, checkin’ it out.

          • Squirrels05

            Where you at?

            I live in Georgia: we provide the nation with stolen guns!

          • fredoandme

            nice. y’all do good work.
            louisville. may 23 is my late parents’ wedding anniversary. super glad this won’t sully that date.

          • Biff52

            My people are from Beaver Lick, maybe your parents knew them…

          • tinker12

            I actually worked with someone from Possum Trot, Kentucky back in the 1980s. The company we worked for would reimburse you for classes you took (and passed) to improve your work skills. She was pissed off when they wouldn’t pay her, because after all, she got a “D”.

  • fredoandme

    listen y’all. bargetown is only a few away from here. think i’ll mosey on down with the photographic equipment. see what’s happenin’. or not happenin’. we should be able to follow the sound of gunfire right to it.

    • Biff52

      Do it, for dog and country!

      • fredoandme

        the hubby thinks it’s a good idea. some plotting is required.
        worth a shot.

    • KarenJ

      Make sure it’s photographic equipment you can hide in a pocket protector. Like a “pen”.

      • fredoandme

        soon’s we find out the approximate area, we’ll have a plan.
        these things have to be done delicately.

  • Blackest Noobs

    say it isn’t so!!!!!!

  • sundaytrucker

    Todd forgot the shotgun.

    • cessnadriver

      Tawd wouldn’t know which end to use.

  • Squirrels05

    They were rushing into the thing like Bristol had something cooking up a pole.

    Maybe the dish is done?

    • Zippy

      or the rabbit lived…

      • OrdinaryJoe

        If something bad happened that would be cause for a sad, even if it is the mortal spawn of Satan involved.

        • Zippy

          contrary to the deleted commenters, we’d never wish that on anyone- though it could be a never was, mebe the soldier was shooting blanks

          • OrdinaryJoe

            I’ve seen stories that some of the troops are coming home with major medical problems, including sterility, caused by exposure to toxics from their own munitions. Just fuck you George Bush.

          • tinker12

            Ordinary Joe–Not to mention all of the lovely depleted uranium we left as party favors.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Yep. Nobody is better at turning a shit hole into hell on earth. American exceptionalism.

          • tinker12

            Indeed.

  • cousin itt

    Bristol didn’t want to carry it to term?

  • Biff52

    More distractions from Jade Helm 15. Fuck ’em all.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Distraction? Or part of the plan? Is there a Wal Mart tunnel near the festivities?

      • jmk

        Well… they’re in Kentucky… so…

  • Gleem-McShinez

    They were unable to find a place that would actually make a Slim Jim and Skoal wedding cake.

  • SecludedCompound

    My take is the Palins are probably inviting everyone out to Ol’ Kentuck’ for a old fashioned revival-style devolved Aegyptian Rite blood orgy of madness that descends even further as wine is hoisted and the unholy satyr-god Bacchus reaches through the night-rift hidden int he beshadowed pines to claim what infants are by law of blood right his to devour.

    Right?

    • ThatDale

      Dionysus libelz!

  • marxalot

    Weddings are an awful lot to take?

  • SadDemInTex

    I win the office pool!

  • Zippy

    Hard to have a shotgun wedding when the entire family is armed

    • SecludedCompound

      And half cocked. Ahem.

  • Metadude

    Will the “party” have a WWF referee present?

  • AnOuthouse

    Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

    • fredoandme

      an oldie, but a goodie.

    • BackDoorMan

      … or in this case, all the sour cream you can stomach.

  • cousin itt

    OBAAMMMAAAA!

  • jamsie

    Oh no!

  • SadDemInTex

    Seriously, if she actually thought a thought and thought that maybe he was possibly more unstable than the Palin loons…then good for her. And the money is ALL hers ALL THE TIME.

  • Zwoof

    Found out you can’t hunt squirrels in May , so there was no caterer.

    • Land Shark

      and the wine cooler supplier couldn’t meet the required quantities.

  • AnOuthouse

    It turns out whats-his-face was spending time with the Cossacks while momma grizzly usually rides with the Bandidos. Everythings on hold until after the next ‘sit down’.

  • Kevin Morin

    “..and also because he revealed that he has PTSD…”

    It turned out he meant STD, or as Sarah would call it, life, in general.

    • Biff52

      So, more cause for celebration!

    • BackDoorMan

      … could it be Palin Transmitted Sexual Dysfunction? Even the blue pills stopped working once he had to spend time with his bride-to-be outside the bedroom (and in daylight)?

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    Can we make it a law that people are not allowed to pimp out their daughters for grafting purposes?
    PLEASE.
    Onto the speculation: Those cracks in Iowa probably found a ghey somewhere in his family tree that has not been properly disowned yet.

    • Virginia Dreaming

      Jen, that would mean we would be outlawing traditional, biblical marriage.

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I don’t have a problem with that, oddly enough. Maybe it is my raging feminazism or whatever, but I have absolutely no problem with making it illegal to pimp out our daughters for cash like Moma Moose has done since she first leaked her teen-pregger story.

        • Virginia Dreaming

          I am totally with you on this issue, Jen. No one should be property, whether by marriage or any other arrangement. I was just snarking on that whole traditional marriage thing that conservatives harp on.

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Oh I know, I just, it’s just, you know. I get pissy (word for today it seems!) with these people. I have a world of sympathy for Bristol who really never had a chance and it’s just kind of sad that friggin S keeps making money off her like she does.

          • runfastandwin

            I have empathy but no sympathy. She is a full grown adult, it’s time to let mommy go…

          • JohnE_o

            And work for a living?

          • runfastandwin

            Well let’s not get carried away here…

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Maybe that is what I mean, empathy, cause there is the entire full grow’d adult thing also, too, and most people realize they should not live as their parents dictate by age 18 or so. Or, in my case, by about age 9 and a half, but I was an early starter and my folks were actually quite willing to let me think for myself (even though they did not approve of much of what I thought).
            However, I did not have a crazy momma who quite literally targets other people who piss her off, with cross hairs and all, and tells her followers that they should be taken out. With votes.

  • LarryHoudini

    Great, just great. NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE 20-PIECE SET OF WEDGEWOOD ALASKA SUNSET COLLECTION FINE CHINA, BRISTOL????????
    NON-REFUNDABLE!!!!!!
    DON’T CALL ME!!!!!

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Perhaps Dakota asked for a sammich one too many times and Bristol told him to: [img]http://i.imgur.com/1V4GGJn.jpg[/img]

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Turns out the wedding planner wouldn’t accept ANY of the credit card numbers from the Sarah Palin Channel website.

    • Amy!

      Fartknocker LIBEL!

  • deanbooth

    Twas Wonkette snark that killed the beast.

  • Zippy

    I’m sure Sarah will find a way to blame it on Hillary

    • riledupone

      Kentghazzziiiii!!1!!

  • Biff52

    I haven’t been this disappointed in royalty since Charles dumped Diane.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Perhaps someone was told the truth about who was the actual mother of “That One Baby.”

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      With all her man livin gun totin life, who is taking care of that One Baby anyway? I don’t recall ever hearing about it.

      • KarenJ

        Guess:

  • sw19womble

    I really don’t give a fuck about the washed-up old has-been, let alone any of her hypocritical spawn.
    Wake me up when someone remotely close to any reins of power does something vile that will have an impact on society in general.
    Some sanctimonious born-again twat marrying/not marrying a dick is low on my priorities when the Tory government in the UK (now free of their LibDem partner) want to destroy my civil rights, Harper still wields power in Canada and there’s the all-pervasive threat of a complete teabagger fundamentalist lunatic becoming POTUS next year.

    Peace out.

    • Biff52

      Happy May Two-Four, anyway.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Dear Brits:
      America would like to officially apologize for letting our brand of crazy spill across the Atlantic and into your own country. We’d like to, but we are still all pissy about you having set up Australia that ultimately unleashed Rupert Murdoch on all of us.
      Sincerely, ‘Murrica

      PS don’t worry, crazy elections tend to get over turned next time around, just gotta hunker down and try not to be brown for a few years.

      • sw19womble

        You can’t overturn legislation based on the Government building and keeping a dossier on your shopping and browsing habits, even if you haven’t actually broken any laws.
        Yep, Thought Crime.

        I can see myself applying for Canadian residency a few years earlier than planned if this kind of shit continues.

        And no, you can’t rely on “New” Labour… it’s as centre-right as Cameron himself.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Wait, you guys got the patriot act too? HOT DAMN. Now I am very very very sorry for allowing our crazy to spill over there. Meet you in Canada, eh?

          • Anarchy Pony

            You guys should probably shoot for New Zealand instead.

          • riledupone

            Or at least wait until the next election.

          • BackDoorMan

            … your crazy has also managed to seep north – see my reply to sw19womble above. Oh, you are also welcome to come here but just remember even in Canada… “freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose…”

          • sw19womble

            ‘Not quite yet’, but the Conservatives now have a 12 seat majority all on their own, and they really really really want to push this through (especially as it’s one of the things the LibDems had very vocally said over-our-dead-bodies for the past five years)
            It’s three-line whip time.

        • Jen_Baker_VA

          Wait, you guys got the patriot act too? HOT DAMN. Now I am very very very sorry for allowing our crazy to spill over there. Meet you in Canada, eh?

        • BackDoorMan

          … while you are certainly welcome here in Canada, we are also dealing with Bill C-51 which is every bit as rights-trampling as the Patriot Act/NSA et al – but Harper looks to be on his way out (at long last!) and C-51 may yet get the death penalty it deserves.

  • Zippy

    maybe he found out that Brisdull can’t dance…

    • BackDoorMan

      … except for the horizontal mambo – she’s shown remarkable achievement in that area of the performing arts.

  • W/ names like Bristol & Dakota they kept forgetting who was the pitcher & who was the catcher.

    P.S.: You aren’t a real MOH recipient unless it’s posthumous.

  • JohnBull

    This is all Hillary’s doing to take our minds of Ben Gazzy!!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m guessing the Kentucky meth dealer lined up for the soiree had second thoughts, looked into his own heart, and on the basis of some sincerely held beliefs, just couldn’t bring himself to do it. No crank, no wedding.

  • cessnadriver

    And I thought I had seen the stupidest “blame the media” events of all time.

  • Antimassacree

    To mark the end of Madmen and this planned wedding, envisioning a story board of Bristol and Sarah walking along the beach with Bristol complaining that the Palin brand has that “not-so-fresh feeling.” It might be a tough sell though. Their entourage must be filled with douches.

  • Gleem-McShinez

    Their priest had to back out. Due to church rules, he couldn’t be legitimately ordained if he didn’t participate in at least one blood orgy.

  • mrpuma2u

    The Westboro baptist a-holes were going to crash the wedding, secretly given access by N0bama and the NSA and George Soros?????

  • Bristol had nothing to wear to the wedding because she lost her ‘thong dress’ and sunglasses during a drunken brawl.

  • She found out he lied about ‘American Sniper’ being based on his life.

  • ButchWagstaff

    “There will be no wedding, but there WILL be a party…” followed by some shootin’ fun up in the holler!

  • cessnadriver

    Maybe Levi told the “groom” what Brisket has going on “down there”. Got to be a horror show.

  • Treg Brown

    Given how much I enjoy commenting on a mommy blog that doesn’t allow comments, I think I’ll refrain from speculating. Also too, given Bristol’s “lifestyle” choices, I’ll say that she’s lucky she doesn’t live in the theocracy her family pushes for.

    • BackDoorMan

      … “Theocracy For Thee, But Not For Me” – Palin family motto.

  • Kaden Sinclair

    Well now, duh. Because Sarah’s house is so clearly visible from Russia, Bristol is in danger of being snipered in the face parts. Their only chance for true marital bliss was when Putin was busily displaying his manliness during the hockey match this week. It was a mandatory nation-wide viewing while he displayed miraculous virility while scoring 8 points, or else the goalie would be burned alive at the stake. Bristol missed her 3 hour window.

  • Googlethat

    They thought the pay per view brawl with thong dresses wasn’t appropriate for a ” weddin ” ?

  • FauxAntocles

    Bristol has immaculately conceived and Dakota does not want to come between God and the mother of Himself.

  • SK

    Duh, it is obvious why. Do you see the baby bump on Bristol? No, right?

    Dakota probably figured that he no longer had to marry her. I mean if Levi did not have to marry her and he did knock her up doing that abstinence thing to her, why should Dakota?

  • Googlethat

    Bristol finally figured out her married name would be Bristol Meyer ?

    • GDleftyPart2

      I was looking forward to a kid named Squibb.

      • Googlethat

        More likely to be Trib .

        • NationalGalleryofClipArt

          5 dollars say Willow’s the lesbian.

          • Amy!

            You’ve prolly already watched season four, or something.

    • Capt.Jim

      and that bitch wanted royalties

  • MrBlobfish

    Kidnapped by space aliens/ISIS

    • Logic of Color

      the “International Secret Intelligence Service”?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Tough to pull off with the entire bridal party in custody in Waco.

    • r m reddicks

      Beat me to it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Happens to me all the time with this vile snark mob.

  • elpinche

    The meth profits are plummeting. Someone has to watch the stove.

  • Googlethat

    No Palin marriage happens unless there’s a bun in the oven .

  • Enfant Terrible

    Dakota saw what Bristol could do with her right hook?

  • tohu777

    I don’t think the party will even happen. Sarah has this antique villager habit of putting out cover stories to assuage the other villagers re her personal matters (2011 statement re Track: “We’re tickled that after two decades of friendship we proudly witnessed their marriage, knowing their new life together will be blessed.”). That habit was a lot more effective when practiced among small social groups concerned less with book-learning than pulling cow teats. In the deep memory reservoir of the Internets, this stuff just sits there forever, a lame embarrassment to all concerned…

  • Capt.Jim

    In other words she’s say you all been grifted once again by Mike Hunt

  • r m reddicks

    Beause all their biker friends are under arrest in Wacko, TX?

  • runfastandwin

    I see a drunken brawl coming on. The Palins and the Meyers should stock up on Depends…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Ooh, what I wouldn’t give to be at the party on May 23 for all the stretch Hummers, camo thongs, wine coolers, and the inevitable methbilly bumfight.

    • Land Shark

      ^^^ This.

    • The Postman

      Wasn’t Stretch Hummer Sarah’s nickname at the various colleges she attended?

    • Relativicus

      Methbilly Bumfight is my stage name.

      • Anarchy Pony

        Great album.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    They couldn’t decide who was going to escort Bristle down the ai…oops, I mean drag Bristle across the lawn.

  • Me not sure

    This seals it. there is no such thing as carnal sin in KY (The Lube State) anymore. All co-mingling cousins, unmarried singles, and especially gay folk are free to wave their naughty bits at each other with wild abandon. IT IS NOW PALIN APPROVED!

    • VirginiaLady

      After reading the camel toes non-comment, I read yours as camel sin. Must be the meds kicking it on top of the quality malt beverage before dinner cockatoo……..the visuals were very Kentucky though.

      • Me not sure

        Oddly, I think this covers that too.

  • malsperanza

    Dakota will be announcing his transition on Fox on Friday. He asks that you keep the pronoun as is until after the Kentucky fried moosefest.

    Both brides will retain their current names and were spotted this week in Walmart, shopping for matching pink shoulder-fired rocket launchers.

  • ibwilliamsi

    So now she has to have a 20 week premature 8 pound baby? Good thing that it’s her 4th – she has plenty of experience at it by now.

    • Me not sure

      Time flies when you’re baking buns.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Nice cameltoe, Brisket.

    • Funny thing about cameltoe. I never knew what one was until not too long ago. Up until then, I thought it was some kind of difficult figure skating maneuver.

      • Relativicus

        It certainly would be.

      • ibwilliamsi

        It’s the triple sow/cow/cameltoe that’s tricky.

  • Mavenmaven

    It means they will settle things between the two families the old fashioned way, with fisticuffs, until the police come to separate them.

    • 1ucille_bluth1

      Hmmm… on the one hand, everyone knows how Bristol can throw a punch, so at first I was going to say Palin family FTW. But then the ex-groom is probably a better aim with a rifle than Todd is, so it’s a tough call. Depends on how early everyone starts drinking.

  • TundraGrifter

    Why is that dude wearing a t-shirt with the Hebrew Sign of the Beast?

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      I thought Monster Energy was Kosher.

  • Heh…If they do get married, and she takes his name, she’ll be Bristol Myer…just one letter away from Bristol-Myers. Thing is, she’s better at causing pain than easing it.

  • That’s easy. He’s got the cow for free. :o)

  • 4th reason: Brawling laws are more lax in KY.

  • THANKS, OBAMA!!!!!!

  • Rickyphoo

    So one day, Dakota woke up and thought: “What the fuck was I thinking?”

    • BackDoorMan

      … followed by “I am NEVER drinkin’ fuckin’ wine coolers agin!”

      • Ann X

        He thinks?

      • April

        with a Zanax chaser…

  • dshwa

    I’m as shocked about this as I was at discovering Bill O. might be a domestic abuser. Which is to say, not at all.

  • Jo Fisher

    Sarah wanted a “test drive”, and suddenly Dakota remembered that he actually has standards?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Todd and Sarah probably sat Dakota down to discuss the old Palin family tradition of primae noctis, and Dakota’s response was, “Fuck that shit. I’m outta here.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Todd and Sarah probably sat Dakota down to discuss the old Palin family tradition of primae noctis, and Dakota’s response was, “Fuck that shit. I’m outta here.”

  • ta2t2o

    Media whore says what?

    • FastMovingCloud

      Brilliant. I really did laugh out loud.

  • VirginiaLady

    Are you allowed to claim born again virgin after having a baby? How about while pregnant? It has been done at least once or twice.

  • Charismatic_dairy_goats

    Momma Grizzly insisted Dakota sign a pre-nup, in hopes that Bristol’s next reality show set in Kentucky will be a ratings bonanza. Dakota was like nah mang, this pre-nup makes my boner sad. But they’re not splitting up, as Bristol is sure he will come around if she nags him for another 3 months while also working to improve her BJ technique.

  • TheBidenator

    Whatever the reason is I’m sure it’s just another grifting strategy…with the Palin’s always check for their back end and there you have it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You mean they’re not returning all the Cabela’s gift cards?

  • Gil

    It was Wonkette that made them end it. Why has no one except me figured it out ?

    • FastMovingCloud

      Wonkette is very influential.

      • Logic of Color

        Wonkette is the wind beneath my wings

        • DarthwingDuck

          Our beloved Editrix is actually Bette Midler??!! Mind. Totally. Blown.

          • H0mer0

            Trixie is totes hotter, even with the rrhoids and stuff

      • riledupone

        Internationally influential. I’m in Canuckistan.

  • ThatDale

    The Dalai Lama, in Ethics for a New Millennium, begins by positing that a) You want to be happy; and b) You want to avoid pain.

    You then (should) realize that every other sentient being wants the same thing. Ergo, ethics.

    So I wish that Bristol and Dakota could be happy.

    Having said that, which one of you fuckers is the Dalai Lama and what do you think of your ethics now, motherfucker?

  • Fly

    At least he didn’t make the same mistake John McCain did.

  • bargal20

    Bristol found out it takes longer than expected for a hymen to grow back.

    • Mahousu

      She kept fertilizing it and fertilizing it, but somehow that didn’t help.

      • FastMovingCloud

        He must have gotten a whiff of the fertilizer and backed the hell out!!!

  • JoyP

    After the look that Mama Grizzly gave her future son-in-law at CPAC where I don’t believe her eyes were on his sidearm (if you know what I mean) and I’m assuming before the proposal, they ended up together one night. No biggie, says Sarah. Agreed, says Dakota. But Todd and Bristol didn’t see it that way and shit hit the fan. Bristol and her mama may share shoes and shirts but studs, no way!

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      All this time, we thought she was Lisa Ann, but really, the half-gov is Sara Luvv.

  • Relativicus

    Until Mama Bear specifically refutes the rumor, I’m going to assume she was on Abstinence Tour without Dakota (?!?), was out having a few drinks, and ran out of aspirin.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ahem…it’s “refudiate”…

  • Spurning Beer

    There were problems getting a marriage license, since the registrar insisted to Dakota and Bristol that geographic locations cannot get married in Kentucky.

    • Logic of Color

      they should name their babby “Newfoundland”. c’mon, you know there’s gonna be a babby

  • Beezelbubbles

    Good thing they haven’t consummated anything yet. They haven’t, right?

    • FastMovingCloud

      That’s what Princess Dumbass says and we HAVE to believer her because….freedom!

    • BackDoorMan

      … mating was the sum of the con, but estimations of the grift payout were less than promising. So, “like mother like daughter”, she quit halfway through.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Something something gay something something sanctity of marriage something something this grift is not paying off.

  • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

    Naaaaa – he’s just still married to someone else.

    • FastMovingCloud

      Ya’ know, traditional marriage. Sanctity ‘n shit.

  • RecreationalPilot

    They eloped.

    • BackDoorMan

      … well, it couldn’t be because they developed.

  • Slinger

    Pistol & Dakota wanted a Christian florist, a Christian cake maker & a Christian photographer.
    They all refused to participate in the wedding an unwed mother & her divorcee fiancé .

    • April

      Same thing with the Pizza caterer…

  • nmmagyar

    Either Bristol miscarried or Sarah and/or Willow conceived

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Maybe it was something really mundane, like they stopped screwing long enough for their serotonin levels to drop to normal and came to their senses.

    • BackDoorMan

      … or perhaps they stopped screwing long enough to realize that between the two of them, they couldn’t construct a monologue much less have a conversation.

  • Bren

    The wedding breakfast pizza had some gay cooties sprinkled in there with all the Moose gore, and the Go Fundmemental website kicked back a page to raise the money for another one.

    • Anita Ledford

      You made me laugh so much.I needed that. Thanks!

  • Politics_Nerd

    He yelled out “OBAMA!” at the most inopportune of times, one too many times.

    • Steverino247

      Maybe she yelled out Obama at the most inopportune times.

      • BackDoorMan

        “… oh, Oh, OBAMA! Who’s yo MAMA!”
        And… scene.

    • Ann X

      Actually, they broke up because Major D’ohMOH insisted on naming the incubating baby, Trap Trick Trope Obama Alabama Banana-fana Meyer.

  • otto42

    Duhkotah did the math and realized the baby is Junker’s.

  • elpinche

    Maybe Dakota found the perfect firearm that doesn’t talk back, listens, and makes perfect sammiches.

  • diogenez

    Let’s speculate:

    If they delay the blessed event, they can score even MORE gifts from their fans….

    • Rick Hill

      Perhaps the whole event was a scam to furnish their home which they only want to shack up in

  • Phil

    They are releasing the junior version of “Nailin Bristol P.” and didn’t want to take away from the cash hord with a silly weddin…or maybe a new line of Bourbon, “Bristols Boot Juice”

  • Patrick Pine

    It being Kentucky and all, Bristol and Dakota thought they were related to each other and when they found out they are not – it just ruined the whole romance and all….

  • dshwa

    They just moved in together, so I’m betting on a case of “You’re fun to fuck but living with you sucks,” for one or both.

  • AmusedAmused

    I think the reason why the wedding is off is quite obvious: the gays and their gay marriage have ruined traditional marriage as it had existed for trillions of years, since Jesus created the world 6000 years ago. A beautiful institution, that’s been around since Abraham married his half-sister and later pimped her to the Pharaoh, and then Jacob married 2 sisters, just like marriage was intended by the Founding Fathers — it’s gone now. And now, these two beautiful young people can’t marry. Happy now, libruls?

    • Ann X

      Not quite yet. Waiting fur that Muslim President to finally declare his long love for the Baracuda.

  • Rick Hill

    Duckhunt didn’t want to sign Bristol’s prenup and they found they couldn’t get a refund on the caterer so party away!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      ^this.^
      It’s about money, and they couldn’t agree to contract terms. Maybe he wants no part of the reality-show/grifting scene that Palin Inc. is all about.

  • ryp

    I’m guessing somebody found out that somebody was fucking somebody not named Bristol or Dakota.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Now is the time for all good paparazzi to come to the aid of their country.

    • SecludedCompound

      After dropping the ball on that yard brawl, you’d think they’d have had some brave soul “embedded”.

  • Santana999

    1. Dakota managed to gnaw through the ropes and escape into the mountains where he was taken in by a kindly banjo playing albino and his kin who thought his mouth was real pretty.

    2. His parents didn’t approve of marriage outside the family.

    3. He caught Bristol selling his pubs on ebay.

  • dimplasm

    All I have to say is, for a family who fondles guns as habitually as this bunch does, you’d think she’d know how to hold one.
    And congratulations to Dakota for getting the Hell out of Dodge in time to dodge that bullet that is becoming a Palin.

    • Bad Granny

      I can’t imagine this would have worked out well for anyone, many bullets were dodged this day.

  • M_Baker

    I read the other day that the average women has an average of 4 men during her life. Bristol is only 24 and we already know she had more men than that. We can count all of her “trial fathers”, but what we don’t know is how many men she met in bars and brought home. Wonkette points out she has become a virgin (surgically) 7 to 8 times. How many men she’s had is anyones guess, but what is obvious is that she’s way above average, especially for her age. Does that say anything about the instilled morals, or lack of, mom and dad have instilled into their children. Where is their so called Christian values? It speaks volumes of the Palin’s white trash family. And she and McCain thought Sarah was qualified to be one heartbeat from being President?

    • Amy!

      Slut shaming? Ewww.

      • BackDoorMan

        … I thought it was more hypocrite shaming since The Abstinence Spokeswoman has a long history of “do as I say, not as I do”. Everyone I know who engages in what some condemn as “slutty behaviour” proudly *own* it – as they should. Bristle, OTOH, wants people to think she is somehow morally superior. She ain’t and she should just admit it.

        • Bad Granny

          I read it as pretty clear slut shaming too. While the hypocrisy is truly strong with this one, that comment was a roller coaster ride of creepy, weird irrelevance.

          • M_Baker

            My comment mentioned the average number of men women have in their lifetime only to show the comparison between Bristol and the average women. If you want to call that, “slut shaming”, so be it. My biggest problem is her behavior around her child and calling her boyfriends “trial daddy’s”. If she was single I wouldn’t have any problems with her shacking up with men. I can honestly say I’ve done the same thing, but I was single and didn’t have a child in the household.

            If you think my comment was “roller coaster ride of creeping”, then please explain why you feel that way and I will address it and responding back. Other wise I have no idea what you’re talking about.

          • Bad Granny

            Ah, I see now, your point was all the things you didn’t mention in your original comment, and definitely not about the thing you said. Makes perfect sense now.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Fucking snark – how does it work?

          • Amy!

            I’m sorry if your intent was to shame a hypocrite. A lot of other comments also crept up to the borderline of slut shaming Bristol for liking the dick too much (with no indication that it’s hypocritical because she’s such an advocate for abstinence). Given that that was your intent, I’m afraid that Poe’s Law bit me (and perhaps Bad Granny as well?). You impersonated a slut-shaming moralist too well for me to read the subtext, I guess. Yes, I know she’s a hypocrite, but I need a nod—a reference to the fine upstanding morals of a brothel madam, perhaps—to be certain that someone repeating the scathing dismissal of a woman who likes fucking that’s pervasive in our society is actually snarking about it.

    • Bad Granny

      I’ve never read that she surgically revirgined, I think she just called takesies backsies and spiritually revirgined, cuz jebus.
      This is a pretty sex-positive crowd around here, so I don’t expect you’ll find too many people judging her for her wild ways. Those are her fancy parts, and it is her business what she does with them. But since she is an adult now, I’ll make fun of her for days for being an idiot.

      • M_Baker

        I would agree with you except for the fact she has a child old enough to witness and remember her poor behavior when he gets older. Telling her son each new boyfriend who stays overnight is a “trial daddy”, certainly must have some negative mental consequences for him. I would bet there is not one child psychologist who would approve her practice of calling her boyfriends a “trial daddy”.

        But looking at her mental immaturity and how she was raised by her parents doesn’t say a whole lot about their child rearing, so maybe Sarah should also be taking some of the blame for her behavior, especially when they claim to be Christians. Just look at some of the things Levi, and I believe him, said about her home life when he lived in her house.

    • no woman should ever -EVER – be under 10. period.

      • Bad Granny

        Unless she wants to.

      • SecludedCompound

        At the same time. For modernity.

    • Steve Haughn

      You mean my ‘beloved bride’ of 35 yrs. was not ‘pure’ on our wedding night?

  • leemoder

    I’m hoping for another full-on Palin Family Donneybrook with Extra Bristol Dumbassery…it’s the only no-wedding gift worth giving.

    • MRC210

      Can’t you just see it? Drunken Palins staggering around the Meyers’ lawn, screaming “Do you know who I am?” at the cops. Please, someone film the thing this time.

      • Bad Granny

        *holding my breath to see if they can show up in something even classier than a stretch hummer*

        • MRC210

          That would be a party bus, of course. “When the ride is the party!”

          • BackDoorMan

            “I am Partybus!” – Bristle Palin

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Will. Not. Ride.

          • BackDoorMan

            … not even if free wine coolers are provided? Chicken.

  • M_Baker

    BTW, didn’t Bristol sell her home in Wassilla so she could move to Kentucky? I guess she’s back living her parents.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Great. Just great. They better return all them bullets, even if they were the cheapest item on the Walmart registry. I ain’t made outta money here.

  • teddy21

    She finally realized Medal of Honor or not, that is one butt ugly dude.

  • Greg Fuderer

    This entire article is blatant speculation. (Haven’t read it yet; soon as I finish commenting.)
    It would be irresponsible not to.

  • Jessica Neubauer

    She didn’t want to be called Bristol Meyer?

  • Adrian

    Maybe they found out that they’re not brother and sister.

  • chascates

    I guess Dakota has some love child from his overseas deployment. Or he’s going through a gender transformation.
    That little filly could turn out to be a real meal ticket. Bristol, I mean.

  • KatieAnnieOakley

    They have decided to make a party happen anyway, because… People Magazine is gonna show up either way. And what better way for Sarah to shine on Her Special Day Memorial Day Celebration? There’ll be no bride to distract the guests…

    • smr06va

      Is that where they have been keeping Trackmeet? I was worried……………….

  • JimNauseam

    I suspect the two families (and their lawyers) are getting together to “celebrate” the impending birth of Bristol’s second child. Or third, if you count Trig.

    • BackDoorMan

      … given Bristle’s born-again virginity, I suspect they’re drafting the Immaculate Conception press release. Dakota will be like Joseph… “WTF? AYFKM? GTFO! But, yeah, okay, let’s go with that.”

    • nanuq1

      I doubt Trig is Bristol’s. Maybe some other family member, or a random child giving birth to a child. That was Palin’s doctor’s area of interest.

  • LIT_Fag

    A. Dickota’s a ‘mo?
    B. Bristle’s knocked up and Dickota wants her to abort.

    • BackDoorMan

      C. Bristle *is* knocked up (because of course) but Dickota just found out he wasn’t the baby daddy.

    • beatbort

      I choose B.
      But I would add “and Dickota wants to know who the daddy is”

  • Jonathan Lawson

    …because the Palins haven’t been in a drunken brawl in like, forever.

    • BackDoorMan

      … well, not publicly in any event, I’m pretty sure weekends at the Palin Palace are just a bloody riot of corn likker and fisticuffs… but that’s a family values thing, and if’n you ain’t fambly, you ain’t gonna get in to record the evidence.

      • nanuq1

        Canned goods fill the air.

  • Eva Porter

    In all seriousness (I know, what fun is that, right), my daughter called off her wedding 2 months before the date and we lost about $3000 on deposits and such. Maybe Sarah figured since she spent the money, she’d might as well have the party. I get that. I just wouldn’t’ have invited the ex not in laws.

    • smr06va

      except the shindig was always supposed to be at the ex not in laws’ plantation…………

      • Eva Porter

        LOL. Well, that’s awkward.

  • Steverino247

    Motorcycle gang fight?

  • gingerland62

    Turns out it’s a family reunion.

    • nanuq1

      Fambly trudishun.

  • beatbort

    Dakota What’s His Name is said to suffer from PTSD. Could it be that those initials really stand for Post Traumatic Sarah Disorder? As hot as Bristol is, that’s how cold a man’s feet would feel knowing that FOREVER that Sarah Palin would be his mother in law.

    • actor212

      PTSD in this case stands for “What the fuck was I thinking, marrying into this train wreck????”

    • nanuq1

      Bristol is hot?

  • jrwlsju

    She found out he’s a Kenyan Muslim.

  • Steverino247

    She found out he liked music from the “Gay Nineties?”

  • JP

    Bristol miscarried so there’s no need for the shotgun anymore. But hey at least she still has Trigg.

  • smr06va

    Uh-oh. Somebody failed the STD test…………………..

  • wandajayne

    I bought them an Exxon Valdez gravy boat. I want that back.

    • smr06va

      Better hope Scarah doesn’t see it first……………………………..lol…………….

  • riledupone

    I think they’re going to just keep the presents people have already sent and they can sell them on the PalinFamilyGrifterChannel. Why else leave the cancellation until such a late date?

  • Fly

    Dakota Meyer and John McCain both have a bad case of PTDS (Palin tribe distress syndrome).

  • toomanyrappers

    They postponed the wedding because they want to write their own vows–after they learn how to write.

  • smr06va

    They are still having the party? This could just be a setup to protect whatever media outlet has the “exclusive” on the wedding — say its cancelled and then you don’t have to worry about other media outlets getting pictures and ruining the “exclusive” — sounds about Palin speed……….

    • glennisw

      I’m so looking forward to the brawl!

  • BadExampleMan

    Dakota decided that Sarah’s the one he really wants. As for Bristol she realized that why marry a guy like dear old Dad when she could have dear old Dad? Which she can now that gay marriage has destroyed all morality and decency. So the four of them will all have a giant four-way-gay-traditional-incest marriage. Five ways, if you count the moose.

    • nanuq1

      Fucker or fuckee? “Cause that matters.

  • Alex Grey

    It’s because of teh ghei’s isn’t it? That’s why they can’t get married now isn’t it?

  • Did they find out they were not cousins?

  • Ryan Denniston

    Who cares? The sooner we stop enabling these people, the sooner they’ll disappear into the frozen wastes.

    • nanuq1

      It’ll be the arid wasteland. They seem to prefer Arizona lately.

    • SecludedCompound

      Wait, you mean too tell me that the eight (yes eight!) years that Our Vile Snark Mob has been laughing at the Palins all counted for nothing?

  • actor212

    Poor Bristle: Never the bride, always the piece of tail on the side after a few wine coolers.

    • cessnadriver

      “Peeeeeel Squiggy!”

    • vivian

      What’s this? A side of Brisket?

      • actor212

        That would be Gristle, the other sister

  • actor212

    I’m thinking she likes men with even less between their ears than she has.

    The apple falls not far from the tree.

    • Alex Grey

      AOT;K

  • It’s all a setup – a pitch for a new Reality TV Show. Invite lotsa people (some of whom will show up with something of a grudge and hurt feelings due to the build-up-and-let-down; some are famous or wanna be famous), pour some free likker down their gullets, and make sure the cameras are rolling when the fight breaks out. Cha-ching, muthuhfuckuh.

    • snowcker

      This gets my vote for most likely scenario. Maybe the current production company pulled out and they need to find a new one.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    I’m guessing the Palin family will be doin’ a little human huntin’, the target being the secretly-once-married fiance of poor little Bristol.

  • Paul Sheridan

    ‘he revealed that he has PTSD, which sort of made us think, “Whoa hey there, Bristol, be careful!”’
    Seriously? PTSD shaming? Go fuck yourselves.

    • Hemidemisemiquaver

      “PTSD shaming?”

      Absolutely not. We desire for Dakota to get treatment and become cured. We have only his best interests (and dear sweet Bristol’s) at heart.

    • Oginikwe

      I’d be more worried about him with this family.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He’s only been exposed to the Palin clan for a few months, and already has PTSD?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Look at his T-shirt! The Monster Drink crazy lady was right!!!! But this really is a disappointment. We were all so looking forward to the drunken brawl at the reception. Would’a made the Waco melee look like afternoon tea.

  • azeyote

    maybe that baby will pick up the gat on the table soon, go all 2nd amendment on those grifters, and show mammy grizzly what’s up with gettin grizzly – NRA for toddlers yo – they don’t need no mother humpin moose

  • John Norris

    Deuteronomy 22:13-21

    • vivian

      Neuteronomy 05:19-15

    • FastMovingCloud

      Question: What cloth can be provided as proof of virginity? No matter what the answer to that question might be, it’s a sure bet that Briskett (as she is now known) will have no such cloth.

  • Dave

    Quiter…..like mommy like daughter.

  • Bruce Brown

    Maybe he woke up and decided to not get involved with that whacko of a mother in law.

  • cessnadriver

    She did it for Johnny!

  • cessnadriver

    Brisket heard the “other woman” squeal like a pig during phone sex with the war hero and, realizing that she could never reach that level of virtuosity, went back to Methsilla head hanging in shame.

    • Steely_Fan

      Upvote for “Brisket.” Best nickname evah!

      • Steely_Fan

        “Bristle” accepted also, too!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Grifter + Bristle = Gristle. (My preferred.)

      • cessnadriver

        Public Domain, use it freely!

        • FastMovingCloud

          Thanks! I sure will!! She may never be called anything else (except dumb-ass) by me!

      • Steve Haughn

        I’ve also seen ‘Barstool’, which is quite clever also!

  • John

    The reality TV show deal is on hold and until the details are worked out and the a satisfactory amount of money is flowing into Palin-land HQ, no marriage for you!

  • Bob Harrow

    Medal of honor with a chunky nut cluster. Bristol realised his earning potential wasnt as good as mammas. Plus while she likes a good spanky she dont really like gettin the sht knocked outa her….

  • say wha

    Cancelled ’cause Rand Paul did not RSVP?

  • old_redneck

    About the upcoming BBQ at the “old Kaintucky home.

    First: We KNOW how the Palins love to brawl — show up at midnight in a Hummer stretch limo, everyone of them shit-faced, knee-walking drunk; start throwing punches and shrieking “Doyouknowwhoweare?” then piss and moan about “my $300 sunglasses.”

    Next. Mix the Palins with the Meyer crowd of married cousins, uncles married to their nieces, and one guy who is his own grandpa.

    Then. Add a few gallons of Kaintucky bourbon, greasy BBQ, pissed off ex-wives and girl friends, jealous potheads.

    Someone needs to alert the county sheriff ’cause this affair will make the Waco Motorcycle Gang Bang look like a Baptist Sunday School picnic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Helene Hopley

      Ho ho ho…..and your life is ‘pristine’, eh??? And we ALL know how lily white clean the Klinton Klan is…..but better for a progressive to ‘honor’ politicians who steal from taxpayers, launder money (The Clinton Foundation) AND have a daughter (Chelsea) who is charging mega bucks for speeches on ‘what’? Oh yeah, she doesn’t know nuthin’, but how else to buy a favor from a Secretary of State? It doesn’t come for free!.

      Remember the story about throwing rocks from glass houses. The writer of this is living in a Big Glass Castle.

      No REV Al Sharpton is a minister…did I say ‘minister’? Of what? Oh yes, race baiting, buying expensive suits, first class flights, access to the WH all the while fleecing his flock of low info voters and the poor black people he supposedly represents…you know the ones he HELPS to keep on the Dem Plantation

  • mtn_philosoph

    I’ve got PTSD too, although mine is from the Reagan years.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Got mine under Bush the Lesser. It was the second tour that did it.

  • Helene Hopley

    I have PTSD and have suffered from it ever since 2008….Looking forward to 2016 and knowing that I will be on the mend.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    They thought it was a good concept, but nobody would commit to producing the reality show. I expect they’ll float some other proposal within the year.

  • Joseph

    Now wait, this may all be much easier. Navy Seal shacks up with woman of national reputation on her dime, gets his ashes hauled multiple times – among other things and then skates when it comes time to get married. There is nothing wrong with this picture!

    Come on, it’s a sailors dream. He probably got off with nothing out of pocket and only a months worth of shots.

  • Joseph

    Merca seems to have these odd love affairs with dysfunctional families.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Dakota Meyer already has got a wife that’s why he can’t marry Palin.

    • Webbroozer

      That teenage marriage was very short and they were divorced in 2010.

      • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

        Nobody can find proof that divorce happened so I think they are still legally married.

  • greatsatan

    He only wanted another Purple Hard to go with his Medal of Honor.

  • Ceiling Cat

    Maybe Daddy Dugger found her on that website he hunts for wives/husbands?

  • Webbroozer

    I read a story about the timing of the birth and, supposedly, it wasn’t in December, but rather in early November, as the hospital IV tape on her hand in the birth picture shows when closely examined. I believe it says 11/5/15, not 12/23/15. The story goes that she and her bestie, stripper, exotic, video vixen Marina Lupas, to Vegas with her momsy and popsy for a getaway, (February 2015) and there is a picture in Bristol’s Instagram, of the weekend, where she says “biggest mistake of my life” after a night of partying. It is suspected that she hooked-up on a one-nighter and that Sailor is not actually Meyer’s but a product of that one night hook-up. There was a “cover-up” of sorts by the Palins, and Marina, to make it look like she got pregnant later than she actually did, so as to make the Bristol / Dakota coupling timing more realistic… All speculation, of course, as we’ll probably never know the truth, but I would think Meyer would have run like the wind, if and when he found out the baby wasn’t his, right?? Here is the story… see what you think: http://winningdemocrats.com/holy-fck-did-the-palin-family-conspire-to-lie-about-bristols-new-babys-birth/

  • Kerry Day

    She has asked for a paternity test, so now we know it was because Bristol was pregnant, and surprise! was not sure Dakota was the baby-daddy.

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