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The trifecta of stupid that hosts “Fox & Friends” just learned a new thing on Monday, and that thing is called the appeals process. Turns out that in our soft-on-crime justice system, even someone who is convicted of a crime is legally entitled to appeal, and the Fox bobbleheads think that is some bullshit right there, because you should be able to fry a guilty party up but good, no waiting.

Last week, Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to death by a jury of his peers who were selected for their willingness to kill him dead, for killing people, that’ll learn him. But Elisabeth Hasselbeck doesn’t understand why we can’t kill him NOW, DADDY?!?!

Many Americans were relieved to hear that convicted bomber Boston [sic] Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been sentenced to death, but as it turns out, his death could be delayed for decades, bogged down by endless appeals. […]

That relief was felt in Boston. We’ve got friends and family there ourselves, and I think most Americans looked at this as justice is done, but now we hear about this appeals process and we’re wondering, well where’s the justice in that?

If Ms. Hasselbeck paid attention to the actual news, instead of the Fox kind, she’d know that the majority of Bostonians were not relieved that Tsarnaev was sentenced to death. While the rest of the country may be plenty bloodthirsty (but also too a culture of life), not so in Boston:

Bostonians overwhelmingly opposed condemning the bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, to death. The most recent poll, conducted last month for The Boston Globe, found that just 15 percent of city residents wanted him executed. Statewide, 19 percent did. By contrast, 60 percent of Americans wanted Mr. Tsarnaev to get the death penalty, according to a CBS News poll last month.

No one here felt sympathy for him. Rather, many thought life in prison would be a fate worse than death, especially for someone as young as Mr. Tsarnaev, who is 21. Others feared that putting him to death would make him a martyr. Still others, interviewed around the city Friday night and Saturday, reflected the region’s historical aversion to the death penalty.

But anyway. No one expects Fox to accurately reports anything, especially when Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s got friends and family on the ground to tell her stuff, which is just like journalism, only different. Putting minutia like that aside, though, she and non-blond co-host Brian Kilmeade are shocked and outraged that Tsarnaev isn’t dead yet, so they’ve invited criminal law professor and death penalty proponent Robert Blecker to teach them about this newfangled appellate thingy, which Kilmeade is very upset about because maybe we will never get to kill that guy, SADFACE:

People say it’s good that you gave him the death penalty, but he’s never going to get it. Timothy McVeigh gave up on his appeal so we got to kill him. We’re not going to get to kill this guy, are we?

There there, little Brian, we will probably get to kill him eventually, according to Professor Blecker, don’t you worry. Sure, the appeals process “takes too long,” and America shouldn’t have to wait up to 10 years to watch him die, but we’ll get there.

“And we have to keep giving him a lawyer to do these appeals?” Kilmeade asks incredulously, and Blecker says, “Yes, of course,” and Hasselbeck says that’s “incredible.”

Some “justice” system, pffft.

[Rawstory / NYT]

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  • Spotts1701

    FOX News is just mad they can’t carry the execution live coast-to-coast.

    • beatbort

      pay per view

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Hosted by Geraldo Rivera with Stuart Varney doing color commentary.

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          With monster trucks and undefeated Rehabilitation Officer, Beef Supreme.

        • Mormos

          meh, they’d probably hype up entering the lethal injection chamber too much only to reveal an empty room

    • Celtic_Gnome

      They were counting on it to shore up their rapidly-declining viewership numbers caused by their age-related rapidly-declining viewership.

  • Anu

    “And we have to keep giving him a lawyer to do these appeals?” Kilmeade asks incredulously, and Blecker says, “Yes, of course,” and Hasselbeck says that’s “incredible.”

    America, how does it work? Incredibly insightful coverage by the FN morning crew.

    • beatbort

      “B…b…but in Iraq, they kill him instantly and they kill his entire family…why aren’t we more like Iraq, daddy?”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        We’re getting there, son. We’re getting there.

    • JustPixelz

      I believe that’s incorrect. He may get a public defender for his first, legally mandated appeal, but any others are at his own expense. Though there are lawyers who handle these appeals pro bono, perhaps out of personal religious conviction that killing is wrong. It’s in the Bible. Fox & Fiends can look it up

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Eric Rudolph would like to chime in and say that if you’ve got an American-sounding name it changes the equation. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev should have changed his name to something, say, like maybe “Rupert Murdoch.” I don’t think that name is taken and if it is, so what?

    I know that didn’t help that McVeigh guy, but that wuss gave up.

  • glennisw

    now we hear about this appeals process and we’re wondering, well where’s the justice in that?

    Rilly?

    • Relativicus

      As Kris Kristofferson wrote in”Me and Brian Kilmeade”:

      ‘Justice’ is just another word/for a bullet to the head.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Flippin bleedin heart kumbaya singin Boston democrats, come on, waivin the proverbial white flag of surrender on time tested biblically founded Americana justice perhaps only opening up their porous borders to more terrorist attacks also too.

  • beatbort

    Just this once I would rescind the appeals process but only if it was contingent on Kilmeade and Tsarnaev getting in a caged wrestling ring and fighting to the death. Winner gets a free inscribed copy of Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Jesus

  • Relativicus

    Who is “we” anyway, Kilmeade? You and the two dozen jackasses that reside in the soft bit of cartilage that passes for your skull?

    I get Doocy, who reminds me of William Hurt’s character in Network News, and I get the proliferation of News Blondes, but Brian Kilmeade? What can possibly explain his existence on national television? Or television at all?

    • schmannity

      Someone has to make Doocy and blond du jour look smart. Believe me, his is not an easy job.

      • Relativicus

        Or even reasonably possible.

        • Mormos

          fox news has evolved beyond your paltry reason!

    • MrBlobfish

      Kilmeade is the kinda guy that scratches his ass and smells his finger.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rather, many thought life in prison would be a fate worse than death, especially for someone as young as Mr. Tsarnaev, who is 21.

    That certainly sums up my position quite nicely.

    But nothing teaches killing others is wrong like putting those who do it to death.

    • willi0000000

      to misquote Holly Near

      why do we kill people who kill people to show people who kill people not to kill people?

  • Fly

    Fox news proves once again that the real victim is common sense.

  • dslindc

    I wish we could just euthanize Fox News. It would be a death that would bring actual justice to the world.

    • Oh, but the appeals process! We’d never actually get to do it. And where’s the justice in that?

    • JustPixelz

      I vote against Fox with my remote control every day!

  • JustPixelz

    Nothing says “limited government” like the power to kill you.

    • Msgr_Moment

      They should at least do a trans-vag, while they got him there.

    • SterWonk

      THIS! So very, very much. On the one hand, they like the death penalty – and it’s swift execution [1] – which is prefaced on the idea that the government got the right person, conducted the trial fairly, and has the authority to kill in cold blood. On the other hand, government is incompetent, “government is the problem“, jack-booted thugs, etc.

      <head asplode>

      [1] See what I did there? ;-)

  • schmannity

    If only after the bombing he had sold some single cigarettes or looked a cop in the eye and run,”we” could have executed him on the spot.

  • memzilla

    Another argument against the death penalty is that the appeals process will cost, on average, about $2,500,000 to implement. You’d think that Faux “News,” so always vigilant about wasting taxpayer dollahs, would be using that as a reason to advocate for life imprisonment.

    Say… you know who else thought no price was too high to pay for blood vengeance… ?

    • JustPixelz

      Dubya?

    • schmannity

      Carrie?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Ricardo Montalban?

    • Mormos

      Khan noonien singh?

    • Mormos

      Stalin?

    • Fly

      Jabba the Hutt?

    • Awesome Man

      Isn’t it strange how the cons love to spout that fiscal responsibility bull but will throw that right out the window to show how backwards they are in their values?

      To me, this is just like “Let’s drug test welfare takers, no matter how many millions it cost other states! WE NEED TO FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHERS!”

      • Me not sure

        The Hatfields and McCoys?

  • JustPixelz

    Jesus was against the death penalty, especially toward the end.

    • Relativicus

      YOUR Jesus, maybe…

      • JustPixelz

        Good point. ‘Merican Jesus is pro-death penalty, pro-war, anti-poor, anti-tax, pro-hunger … oh hell, he’s basically John Galt.

        • MegPasadena

          Except John Galt might be an atheist.

  • VandeGraf

    Even in their own weird fantasy world, Fox commentators are a trifle blood thirsty.

    • MonaLisaFrown

      Exactly… they sound like someone anxiously awaiting the Purge. Seriously.

    • MonaLisaFrown

      Exactly… they sound like someone anxiously awaiting the Purge. Seriously.

  • JustPixelz

    You know who else was executed by the government without an appeal? Let’s start with Tamir Rice and go from there.

    • JohnBull

      Sergei Kirov and more than a handful of Politburo members?

    • PubOption

      People found sleeping during one of Kim Jong Un’s speeches.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Hell, I heard of people getting imprisoned/killed for insufficiently mourning Kim Jong Ill. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

    • Me not sure

      Badass rebel Lego Jesus?

  • Bill Slider

    Ah, the good ole days. The trial starts at 9am. The jury finds the defendant guilty of murder by 11. The rope is noosed and ready by 11:30. Hell, by noon there is no evidence that anything big happened in the park, and everyone has gone to lunch. Well, except that one dude on a rope, he’s down by the river, awaiting for some dude in jail to dig him a place to rest in peace.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    I wonder how many fox viewers would be happy if we nailed him to a piece of wood and hung him up until he died.

    • beatbort

      You mean crucify him like our Lord Jesus Christ, whose life and teachings guide our every waking thought and act? Never! Just fry the bastard in the chair!

  • I know Hasselbeck is a lawyer and a judge and a professor and is smart and all about the law, but my quick Googling suggests that “we” only have to provide an attorney for the first appeal; after that, he’s on his own. What counts as the “first” appeal is a complicated question, but maybe Hasselbeck was just dumbing it down for us. Or for someone.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      La Hasselbeck is always dumbing it down, if not for us then for herself or just for the shits and giggles.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Hasselbeck: All shits, no giggles.

  • Msgr_Moment

    Rethuglicans. Love the Constitution. Hate what’s actually in it.

    • JustPixelz

      Also, love the sin, hate the sinner.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Obligatory:

    The Party of Life!

  • BadKitty904

    Fox “News” = A lynch mob with Walmart commercials.

  • Msgr_Moment

    I vote that we have the TV in his cell turned to FOX, 24-7. That should help him decide not to drag out the appeal.

    • PubOption

      Cruel and unusual punishment?

      • guppy06

        Fair, Balanced and Enhanced!

  • Fly

    Fox news is concerned about the lawfulness in American society today.

    • Jared James

      Rule of law–huh!–what is it good for?
      Absolutely nothin’!
      (Say it again, y’all)

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    “Many Americans were relieved to hear that convicted bomber Boston [sic] Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been sentenced to death”

    Yes, many were. For example, Americans who know nothing about how any past death penalty case proceeded ever.

    • Spotts1701

      If they knew how Florence Supermax worked, they’d realize sending him there is just as good as killing him outright, simply because anyone who goes in pretty much disappears from planet Earth for all intents and purposes.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        They put him in tents with porpoises? Cruel AND unusual!

  • Mormos

    are you not entertained?!

    • Hardly Ideal

      Something tells me that Tsarnaev could be hung by his entrails and have his corpse paraded on a pike around the National Mall, and they still wouldn’t be satisfied.

  • guppy06

    So a state has a law banning something, but the federal government uses the courts to do anyway that thing that the state has banned. And Fox News roots for…?

    Meanwhile, the jury itself was specifically and explicitly stacked with people in favor of that one thing that the majority of the state’s voters are opposed to (verdict: quelle surprise!). And Fox News roots for…?

    https://www.brennancenter.org/sites/default/files/legacy/d/inaf10.pdf

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ll take “jackbooted federal thugs” for $400, Alex.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh I am sure those dopes wanted to have their own version of the Boston Massacre at Faneuil Hall at noon tomorrow.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Honestly, I stopped reading after “Fox & Friends OUTRAGED.” I mean, day ending in -y, amirite?

    • JohnE_o

      urrite!

    • Toomush_Infer

      All righty….

  • retiredeng

    Hm. For the idiots afraid of Sharia Law they sure sound like they want it.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I don’t know why there was a “not guilty” plea at all – I would have thought that any reasonable lawyer could have told him that “my brother asked me to do it” is not a winnable defense. The whole thing smacks of a show-trial with a pre-determined outcome. Would he have got the death penalty if he had plead guilty and, what’s that L&O word, allocuted?

    He’s clearly guilty of a heinous crime and should go down for a long, long time, maybe indefinitely, but as it happens I’m against both the death penalty and life without parole on the wet liberal do-gooder grounds that in a civilized society the possibility of redemption and rehabilitation should never be completely removed.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Civilized? I thought we were polite? Now we have to be civilized, too?
      damn libruls

      • sw19womble

        Fuck no!

    • Spotts1701

      They taught us in law school – “A lawyer controls the means of a case, but the client controls the ends.”
      A lawyer can try to convince a client that their proposed defense is a loser, but if the client insists that the lawyer argue it they are left with two options – do they best they can, or withdraw from the case (assuming the judge will let them).

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Agreed, but I’m just wondering how hard the lawyer tried to convince the client of his folly – if he was that decided on a suicidal point-making mission he would have insisted on testifying.

    • Spotts1701

      They taught us in law school – “A lawyer controls the means of a case, but the client controls the ends.”
      A lawyer can try to convince a client that their proposed defense is a loser, but if the client insists that the lawyer argue it they are left with two options – do they best they can, or withdraw from the case (assuming the judge will let them).

    • Me not sure

      No nation on its own should have the right to impose a death penalty. I do support the death penalty for some cases in International law. If convicted by an international tribunal of being guilty of leading a nation or movement that commits a large scale crime against humanity, such as large scale war crimes or genocide, the death penalty should be available, even if sparingly used.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Are we talking about a world leader who might have made use of the “W” key on his keyboard?

        • Me not sure

          That would be for a trial to decide.

          • Blank Ron

            And THEN we shoot him.

    • Tony Prost

      In some cases, the court will not accept a guilty plea, and will require a showing of guilt.

    • beavertank

      I’d guess he was never offered a plea deal so it made no sense not to fight it. I’d be very surprised if the prosecutors were willing to make any deal, even one as small as taking the death penalty off the table.

      It was an easy win for them, and politically untenable to offer any deal at all.

  • Me not sure

    The Constitution provides for due process. The Supreme Court has said that due process in death penalty cases includes the right of appeal to insure that the state has gotten it right. The convicted can waive it if they choose. Let the system work dumbasses!

    • SufferinSuccotash,Entitled

      Why do you hate America?

      • Me not sure

        Global warming.

      • sw19womble

        Spring Break

  • OneYieldRegular

    “I think most Americans looked at this as justice is done, but now we hear about this appeals process”

    “I mean, like, omagod! Do they have this in like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as?”

    • Tony Prost

      Only Communists have appeals.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I’ve got a news flash for you people. These Fox News airheads are smarter than 99% of the people who watch them. If that doesn’t depress you, nothing will.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Oh, we know they are just playing dumb and outraged to suck up to their audience and keep them ill informed and outraged. It’s how they keep their base.
      But it is still fun pointing out how dummy headed they are :)

      • Tony Prost

        I don’t think they are playing dumb. It is easy to find dumb people to sit in front of a camera.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Dead soldiers, live soldiers, the flag, the Constitution. The right loves to wrap itself in things it does not understand or know the meaning of.

  • MrBlobfish

    Why can’t we just parade Tsarnaev out to Peoples’ Square and blast him with an anti-aircraft gun? Some tyrant you are, Nobama.

  • SufferinSuccotash,Entitled

    Looks like Sharia Law to me.

    “In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a
    speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district
    wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have
    been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and
    cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against
    him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor,
    and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.”

  • Notreelyhelping

    Oh, everything’s just gone so squishy soft after getting rid of that hanged, drawn, and quartered thing.

    • SufferinSuccotash,Entitled

      Why can’t things be like they used to be?

  • Now we know why Hasselbeck and Kilmeade hate America.

  • Fly

    Fox reality news, the dog whistlers.

  • TheBidenator

    I remember reading for a course this essay discussing the Sha’ria punishment of swift consequences versus the Western style approach of long confinement. Prisoners interviewed said they would essentially prefer the Sha’ria punishment over the Western one as the swift resolution of say, having a had cut off for stealing beats the Western equivalent. The funny part of the American Taliban and assorted non-theocratic, blood thirsty wingnuts is that if they wanted Tsarnaev to REALLY suffer they’d ask for solitary for life…given the human condition that’s a punishment far worse than death.

  • Everhope

    Why oh why are we such a soft-headed commie librul country? Why can’t we kill a guy when we want to? When our dander is up, shut up. Kill kill kill!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The Chinese have it right. Guilty verdict, out back, bullet in the head. The Germans can’t touch them when it comes to efficiency.

      • Everhope

        One of us is a bit off on the use of irony.

  • chascates

    And what’s this bullshit about ‘bail’?

  • Tony Prost

    Tsarnaev is just another moocher.

  • beavertank

    It’s good to see that Fox News is holding steady on its policy of only supporting constitutional rights for people they like. They’re nothing if not consistent.

    • D_C_Wilson

      So, Tsarnaev’s mistake was in not being a millionaire rancher who doesn’t want to pay his bills.

  • Bad Granny

    This kid wore a hoodie and everything! What’s the hold-up here?!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      They couldn’t find him actually in possession of a sidewalk, so that changes everything.

  • dshwa

    All tat needs to be said about death penaly proponents summed up nicely by the FOX dunderheads: “We’re not going to get to kill this guy, are we?” Bloodthirsty vengeance, not justice.

  • D_C_Wilson

    There’s actually bigger impediment to killing Tsarnaev besides his appeals. As Rachel Maddow has noted, the federal government doesn’t have a stockpile of the cocktail used in lethal injection and none of the drug companies will sell it for executions any more.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Perhaps we could have him chased off a cliff by a bevy of nude females.

  • bozilingus

    Is there a Wonkette out there with the skill to take an hour and a half worth of the stupidest Fox commentary and create a movie, along the lines of Idiocracy? I’d buy that for a dollar!!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Tsarnaev doesn’t need appeals that stretch on for decades and delays the justice he deserves. I mean, he’s not white. The justice system he’s taking advantage of wasn’t meant for the likes of him.

  • D_C_Wilson

    “But now we hear about this appeals process, and we’re wondering, where’s the justice in that?”

    Yes, the fact that we have an appeals process in this country was news to Hasselbeck. You know, I don’t expect much from a host of a morning gab show and I expect even less from one member of the Trifecta of Idiocy that hosts Fox and Friends, but is it too much to expect that they be able to pass an eighth grade civics test?

  • Antimassacree

    Perhaps they should discuss the merits of the appeal process with Fox News (sic) contributor Ollie North.

  • SadDemInTex

    As if Faux News knew anything about the law or justice or well…anything at all

  • blaid droog

    Trifecta of stupid. The eloquence of the wonkette has no boundaries.

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