Most Americans, even the dumb ones, even the Republican ones, were pretty stoked when they finally had the opportunity, for the first time in their lives, to afford health care insurance, thanks to Obamacare. Like this proud Reagan-lovin’ tea party member who’s probably voting for Hillary Clinton in 2016 because he really likes his Obamacare and doesn’t want Republicans to take it away from him.
But then there are dumb motherfuckers like Luis Lang and his wife, Mary. Luis has diabetes and “by his own account, [has] been inconsistent in his efforts to control his diabetes,” but despite that, he’s always considered himself healthy enough and self-sufficient enough — he’s a “self-employed handyman” — to not need health insurance. Never mind that diabetes used to be one of those pre-existing conditions for which insurance companies could tell you to get bent if you tried to give them money, for insurance.
The Langs didn’t need no stinkin’ health insurance, though, not even when the Affordable Care Act was passed and required them, by law, to have it. So for freedom, or whatever delusional catchphrase Lang invoked to justify risking his own already at-risk health and well-being, the Langs decided to really stick it to President Obama, because they do pretty well, Mary doesn’t even have to work, they live in a 3,300-square-foot home, and they’ve always been able to pay their own medical bills. And you’ll never believe what happened next!
[A]fter 10 days of an unrelenting headache, Lang went to the emergency room on Feb. 25. He says he was told he’d suffered several mini-strokes. He ran up $9,000 in bills and exhausted his savings. Meanwhile, his vision worsened and he can’t work, he says.
All of a sudden, the Langs decided maybe they wanted to get in on that Obamacare thing after all. Because gosh, being a law-breaking point-making but self-sufficient Republican can be kind of expensive. Too bad Obamacare enrollment had already closed earlier that month. Also too bad the Langs live in South Carolina, one of those shitty red states that has refused to expand Medicaid to people like Luis Lang, because fuck you Obama. But really, fuck you Luis Lang, because refusing Obamacare dollars doesn’t actually hurt President Obama — he has healthcare — but it does hurt people who live in those states and can’t otherwise afford healthcare. Like the Langs.
So are the Langs mad as hell at South Carolina? Hahaha, don’t be absurd:
Lang, a Republican, says he knew the act required him to get coverage but he chose not to do so. But he thought help would be available in an emergency. He and his wife blame President Obama and Congressional Democrats for passing a complex and flawed bill.
“(My husband) should be at the front of the line because he doesn’t work and because he has medical issues,” Mary Lang said last week. “We call it the Not Fair Health Care Act.”
How perfectly reasonable. Because the Langs chose to break the law and forego health insurance, it’s Not Fair! that now they can’t get health insurance. (You know when the Langs would never ever ever have been able to get insurance? After having a bunch of strokes, if Obamacare hadn’t passed.) And it’s Obama fault, because if his law — which they chose to ignore anyway — weren’t so complicated, they’d be able to sign up for insurance whenever they happen to need it, which is right fucking now. And besides, there ought to be some sort of special front-of-the-line amnesty waiver for Luis Lang, because unlike every other American, he has medical issues, and according to his doctor, he’s going to lose his sight, and maybe his life, if he doesn’t get the surgery he needs RIGHT NOW. You almost have to feel sorry for the Langs. Almost.
The whole point of health insurance is so that, in case of emergency, you don’t go broke from your medical bills when bad stuff happens — like you have a bunch of strokes and you’re going blind because of your mismanaged diabetes. And the whole point of Obamacare is that for people who cannot obtain insurance through their employer, because they don’t have one, and who cannot afford to buy insurance on the open market (or, ahem, are turned down by insurers for any amount of love or money, because of their diabetes and/or strokes), they can get subsidized coverage anyway. Luis Lang is exactly why Obamacare exists. But no, he’s a Republican. In a Republican-controlled state. So now he’s good and fucked and, according to his doctor, he’s going to go blind if he doesn’t get the surgery he needs RIGHT NOW. So like any good self-sufficient Republican suffering the consequences of his own dumb motherfucker choices — yay, freedom! — he’s turned to the internets to beg for the kindness of strangers to bail his dumb ass out of trouble. But unlike other fellow Obamacare-hating dumbasses, like Sheriff Richard Mack, his GoFundMe page has failed to raise much money at all.
It sure would be nice if bleeding-heart commie liberals coughed up the dough Luis Lang needs to save his sight and his life. But on the other hand, he’s always been so proud of being able to pay his own medical bills. That’s why he doesn’t need anyone’s help. That’s why he doesn’t need insurance. That’s why he doesn’t need Obamacare. So don’t worry about him, he’ll figure it out somehow. Maybe his taker wife will get off her ass and get a job. As Americans are supposed to do, if they want nice things like life-saving surgeries. That’s how freedom’s supposed to work, right?