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but my brother got to play president

As this emotionally fraught week draws to a close in Baltimore, we must come together as a nation, as Americans, to honor the true victims of the unrest that has rattled the city. Along with the National Guardsmen who could have gotten tennis elbow from carrying all their free food and the politicians who were briefly alarmed while passing through on the train, we should bow our heads to honor the memory of Jeb Bush’s dearly departed Republicanism.

He might continue saying he’s a member of the GOP, but King RINO’s inexcusable display of Baltimore-inspired nanny statism will get him booted from the conservative clubhouse for sure. Beltway public-service journal THE POLITICO presents Jeb’s Follies, Maryland Edition:

“A young man died and that’s a tragedy for his family,” Bush said about 25-year-old Freddie Gray, who died last week after suffering severe injuries while in police custody. “This is not just a statistic; this is a person who died.”

Good start! Excellent use of the word “family,” since single orphans are less sympathetic, and smart to say he “died” without mentioning the police who probably deaded him by spine-snapping. But then Jeb starts to go off the rails by implying some of the problems facing residents of Baltimore might not be of their own making.

He also addressed the underlying roots of anger in some dominantly black communities by pivoting to a conservative platform – welfare and education reform, mainly – that might start to change “the pathologies being built around people who are poor, that they’re going to stay poor.”

Wait. Is he expressing doubt that people “stay poor” just because the government grudgingly deigns to save them from starvation? Sensing the ledge crumbling under the weight of his human empathy, the former governor tried to scramble back to firmer ground.

“How do you create a system of support that doesn’t create dependency? That’s got to be where the federal government plays a role,” Bush said during a conversation with [Sarah Palin Starburst Syndrome survivor] Rich Lowry.

Oh Jeb. The place to break out your compassionate conservatism spiel is in the general election, that idyllic land in which “moderate” and “independent” voters dwell. None of those mythical creatures are to be found in the fetid GOP primary swamp you must first cross, where only barnacled toads can survive.

As long as he’d already double-flushed his chances of clamoring onto the 2016 ticket, Jeb decided to go for broke and bring up the thing the conservative base hates the most about him.

Bush on Thursday touted the education reforms he oversaw as Florida’s governor, arguing that expanding school choice is one way to improve opportunities for at-risk children.

“Baltimore is not a model for public education,” Bush said. “You want to see that, go to Florida.”

Yes, be sure to remind them that you did not join their bloody battle against Common Core standards, since they might have forgotten your plan to frog-march America’s schoolchildren into government math camps. Even a mile-high pile of discount coupons for private schools cannot wipe the stink of Common Core’s federal effluvia off your shoe.

Jeb, you’ve had a good time traveling around and playing candidate, but the Republican party of today has no room for squishes. Time to get a job straightening copies of My Pet Goat in the gift shop of your brother’s presidential library, where they won’t even mind if you watch the primary debates wistfully on your phone.

[POLITICO]

You can follow Beth on Twitter.

 

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  • Nounverb911

    “A young man died and that’s a tragedy for his family,”
    When reached for comment, Terry Schiavo refused to comment.

    • cousin itt

      Are we totally certain about her?

  • exinkwretch

    Floriduh’s “model for public education” is GED classes in prison, right Jeb?

  • Spotts1701
    • JMPesq

      Stealing money from the public schools to give to con artists is a great way to improve education!

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Assuming you don’t really care about education.

    • whatwhomever

      allowing private corporations to make a fast buck siphoning public monies away from the most disadvantaged members of our society is THE model.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        If that’s “the model,” its a really bad one.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          It would never make the swimsuit issue.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            It would if it were a monsters in swimsuits issue.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I Also wonder how many of those schools were set up, to get around federal law and teach things like creationism and still get tax payer money to do so.

      • bobbert

        AO…oh, you know.

    • Wee Mousie

      I understand Dotheboy’s Hall has opened an American-based private school in Florida.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Stick a harpoon in him, ladies and gents, he’s done.

    And then pull it out and lob it at Chris Christie, just in case.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Avast! The Weight Whale!

  • cousin itt

    Blubbering conservative libel.

    • Nounverb911

      Weanie?
      Whiner?
      Wanker?

    • whatwhomever

      It think of a big, pink, sweaty ham fresh out of the can.

      • RoyalUglyDude

        Ham Rove libelz!!

        • CriticalDragon1177

          The name alone will make people hungry.

    • JohnBull

      Buried under a big W? Like a windmill or a waterfall?

    • JoeChristmas

      I think of this: >

    • Vecciojohn
      • Villago Delenda Est

        EXACTLY what I was thinking. Get out of my haid!

      • Lefty Frizzell

        OT – usually I hate that style of mid-period American cheesey ham slapstick, but M4W is just so big, so over the top and so generally out-there that I love it. I read that the original, now lost, was 5 hrs and shown on 3 screens to give an ultra-panoramic almost 3D effect – that would have been something to see…

      • Wee Mousie

        I commented too soon. Your trick, Vecciojohn.

      • Amy!

        It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad campaign.

    • Wee Mousie

      That’s strange. When I think of a big “W” I think of the final act of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” When I think of “Bush” I think of a treasonous American crime family.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    …and on the other hand, it may be a very smart move indeed to create some distance between himself and the clowncar. I doubt you could find a single person who believed the “severely conservative” primary version of Romney – in the end he was picked for being the only one not either clinically insane or mentally incompetent. The base always huffs and puffs and Cruz will certainly be the favorite, but they always chicken out and pick someone who’s more likely to win in the general. Romney’s problem was that his lip service to the base could be used against him (well that, and being a callous and out of touch plutocrat with no actual skills), so claiming what could laughingly be called the “center” from the get-go could be the best strategy.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Say, you know who else is a callous and out of touch plutocrat with no actual skills? No, for once, not Hitler. I’m thinking of the guy whose picture graces the top of this very page.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        There is that.

      • H0mer0

        Hitler was no plutocrat, he was an artist so he had some skills. My cat is twerking me at this very moment.Whew! He just dismounted.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Maybe not that far from the clown car… he just jizzed all over Charles Murray’s racist pseudoscience:

      http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/jeb-bush-charles-murray-the-bell-curve

  • VandeGraf

    Jeb has begun to see that those– and there seem to be more than a few– moving into the Ted Cruz Memorial Corner are not really making headway toward a nomination. His rhetoric demonstrates that he understands that the far right of his party is loud, but not sufficiently sizable (if not merely toxic). So, apparently, it will be a Jeb vs Marco race.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “…a model for public education,” Bush said. “You want to see that, go to Florida.”

    Hmm. I think I’ll just leave Jeb’s statement to marinate until this weekend’s edition of “Florida Roundup.”

    • Vecciojohn

      The only good model for public education is home schooling.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And the sort of home schooling that teaches that electricity is a mystery, something you cannot see, feel, or hear.

        You know, like the tides. No one can explain them!

        • Wee Mousie

          Funny about that, but I have felt electricity a couple of times. Once I even felt it throw me into the middle of the room.

          • Blank Ron

            That was actually the Hand of Gawd. It’s an easy mistake to make.

          • Wee Mousie

            I never before knew that the Hand of Gawd (TM) ran on 110 volts.

          • Smibo

            110 volts, and 60 hurts.

          • Blank Ron

            Electrons go in, retribution comes out, you can’t explain it.

          • mtn_philosoph

            E-L-E-C-T-R-O-N-S go into the A-N-O-D-E…

  • JMPesq

    So you admit that poverty is a huge problem – then say that, because of it, we should support policies designed to make the lives of the poor even worse than they are now. Huh? That makes no sense whatsoever.

    • Vecciojohn

      “I know, the base is going to eat it up.”

      • Wee Mousie

        Besides being base, the base are Seibmoz. The opposite of Zombies, stalking the countryside searching for more brainlessness to swallow.

  • Ergoetal

    Two things he’s doing wrong.

    1) Too much talking, not enough smirking. Smirking works well for Bushes.

    2) He’s using WORDS. Way bad, sorry. Dog whistles are called for here.

    And we thought you were the smart one.

    • Vecciojohn

      3. I would much rather have a beer with Hillary.

      Case closed.

  • whatwhomever

    “Poverty only happens because the government isn’t heaping enough shame on poor people.”

    – Plank of the 2016 GOP presidential platform.

    • cousin itt

      Gangplank.

    • nmmagyar

      Dovetails well with the “Quit being a filthy whore, you filthy whore” lady-voter plank

    • BackDoorMan

      … all together now… (sing)…

      Now it’s time to say goodbye to Jeb and all his kin

      They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in

      You’re all invited back again to this locality

      To have a heaping helping of their hospitality.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Didn’t this guy have a brother who was in politics?? I forget – dog catcher or something?

    • Vecciojohn

      I think he was President of the Crawford Kiwanis Club for a while, but the job got to be too much for him.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, they had the audacity to ask him to phone in some work.

      • chicken thief

        Seems like they let him live in the big house for awhile while the deep thinkers actually ran things.

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    You need a Passport to visit a “model of education”

    • chicken thief

      I hate Hondas. Can’t I drive my coal rolling F350?

  • JohnnyZhivago2

    Selling off paupers on Ebay is my solution to poverty.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Well if you are low on cash, and are desperate for money, Ebay is a good place to auction stuff off. Problem is, you actually have to have something you can sell, and that usually isn’t the case if you’re dirt poor, and have been dirt poor for quite awhile.

      • JohnnyZhivago2

        No, the idea is to sell poor people themselves on Ebay – along with their families. They can be used to help with chores, gardening, etc…..

        • CriticalDragon1177

          Sounds like slavery. Good thing I know you’re not serious.

          • JohnnyZhivago2

            I was reading the history of our town in NJ and until 1835 the township actually had pauper auctions and some stayed in indentured servitude until 1850. I was amazed….

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Didn’t the Dark Lord suggest that as a way to weather having your pension and/or savings looted by bankster vermin?

    • chicken thief

      Then who we gonna use for cannon fodder in the next war? And the continuation of the current?

    • jmk

      Such a Modest Proposal!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A federal pauper exchange? Another fucking gummint program? That’s like Obummercare for the exchange of paupers. The pauper exchanges should be privatized, the way the Founding Fathers envisioned. I believe they were called Slave Markets at the time.

      • JohnnyZhivago2

        I bow to you sir! Clearly you are a patriot. I stand corrected.

  • say wha

    Go easy, Heb. Keep talking like that and you’ll find yourself checking the oil and cleaning the windshield on the Clown Bus before it pulls out for the 2016 GOPalooza Tour without you.

  • BloviateMe

    You’d expect a Hispanic to have more empathy to other minorities.

    • Vecciojohn

      Sometimes, when you come up from nothing the way Jeb did, it’s hard to realize others may not have the sheer intelligence, drive, talent and sheer Horatio Alger bootstrappery that got him where he is today.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He chose his parents carefully, at least when it comes to wealth and social status. As people, not so much.

    • MegPasadena

      But Ted Cruz has never seen a panhandling Hispanic, unlike some other kind of minorities.

    • H0mer0

      oh, oh, oh, I know that one! They don’t! (at least not the Cubanos who barely see themselves as Hispanic.)

  • wide_stance_hubby

    It is crucial to our national discussion of Baltimore’s problems that the chatter comes from people who do not live here. Really, I just can’t hear their opinions enough, which is great, because they seem to have such a bottomless slop-bucket of them. Grrrrr. . .

    • Vecciojohn

      And here’s another thing . . .

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Well, obviously, I did not mean Wonkette. I’m cringing in the knowledge that Pegs will weigh in and I may not be able to escape fast enough.

  • pstockholm

    We hear a lot of praise for the Khaleesi, the Dok in the High Castle, Evan the New Kid on the Wonk, Gary Gutem and Legum Legum and so on, but Beth this was stupendous.

    • Vecciojohn

      Writing that well is Ethier said than done.

      All right, all right, you don’t have to shove!

      • TheBidenator

        Get tha fuck outta hehr and take yer Canadian whiskey with you….disgusting!

      • TheBidenator

        Get tha fuck outta hehr and take yer Canadian whiskey with you….disgusting!

    • pstockholm

      What, no love for my Dick joke? Wankers.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Hey! I resemble that remark!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    His mother needs to slap him around on YouTube. Then we take away his family’s welfare checks.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Welfare is for lazy sinners. Charity is bad, never mind what Jesus said, despite the fact that we claim to be Christians.

  • JohnBull

    Why don’t these lazy bums just borrow $20,000 from Dad like Mitt Romney did and start a business?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Or cash in some of those wedding gift securities?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Or do a deal with Latin American oppressive fucks to get the money to start a private equity hack-n-slash company?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          In a pinch, they could sell the villa in Saint Tropez.

    • toomanyrappers

      Or, you could: buy a company, take everything that isn’t nailed down, saddle the company with the debt, force the company into a contract for management consultants, fire everyone, and set the “troubled” company you “bought” loose with fewer assets and more debt than they had before you “bought” the company.

      True story. Mitt Romney literally gets a loan, promises executives a cut of the take, takes over the company, grabs all the cash he can, and forces the company he “bought” to pay for his help with cutting costs–to pay for all the money he took.

      That isn’t work and that contributes nothing. Mitt Romney is a crook.

  • Vecciojohn

    Jeb is risking offending the base now so the liberal media won’t jump all over him for moving left in the general election, the way they did with Romney.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Then he is pretty dumb, because you do not “risk offending the base” at all in a primary, especially with a rabid base that thinks all blah is evil, all libs are evil, all muslims are evil- and that they are good christians.
      Plus, that dang liberal media is still gonna jump on him, just because. But no one actually reads the liberal media-most people go to centrist places like CNN and such what.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        I read free republic. The base already hate him. It’s all about walker and Calgary Ted right now. Oh, and Carly fiorina because they’re clinically insane.

      • Theodora30

        No, the “liberal” media loves the aristocratic Bushes. Poppy was deeply involved in Iran Contra, lied about it then pardoned Caspar Weinberger so the truth would not come out at Weinberger’s trial. The Republican Independent Counsel, Lawrence Walsh, was furious. The media, not so much. When Dan Rather dared ask Poppy about his involvement Poppy attacked and insulted him. The media, who are all about getting the truth, sided with Bush.

        The MSM drooled over W as a regular guy who would be more fun to have a beer with than boring ol’ Gore. When the right wing smear machine falsely accused Gore of lying and exaggerating (Gore never claimed to have invented the Internet for example) the MSM joined in. Gleefully.

        Jeb has done business with a host of shady characters from the radical anti Castro community in Miami. (The same mobbed up folks that the CIA enlisted to whack Castro.) Google Jeb Bush and Camillo Padreda and Miguel Recarey. These are two crooks Jeb worked for and lobbied his daddy’s administration to get them an even bigger share of the government pie. Both guys bilked the government out of millions. But the worst is Jeb lobbying on behalf of a known terrorist, Orlando Bosch, who blew up a Cuban civilian passenger plane and attacked a Polish ship. Jeb successfully petitioned to get him released and allowed to stay in the U.S. This happened despite the fact that daddy’s own Attorney General said Bosch was an unrepentant terrorist. Funny how the MSM hasn’t bothered to report on that.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, fucking DUH, you vile entitled dynastic sack of worthless fucking shit!

  • TheBidenator

    Worry not, I’m sure any policy suggestion that emanates from Dubya II er Jeb will sufficiently dick over poor black people…I’m guessing abolishing welfare, moar stand your ground for white guys and tax cuts for the rich; oh and he’ll swerve and demand more Jesus in school. I mean this is the party who’s idea of helping the poor out of poverty is screaming at them “stop being poor!” while kicking the person while they’re down…

    • stevola

      “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” yelled the man who stole my boots.

      • gomerel

        Brilliant!

  • Lazy Media

    Dangit, I know using “clamoring” for “clambering” is a meme, but I can’t remember the original source.

  • Lazy Media

    I’m not quite ready to call it for Jeb yet, but wingnuts don’t nominate Republican prez hopefuls. He can afford to be RINOish, because who else have they got? Srsly, Ted Cruz couldn’t get elected dog catcher outside of a red state in an off-election year.

  • AnOuthouse

    There’s very little that can’t be solved by paying off Jeb’s buddies using public funds. That and more guns.

  • chicken thief

    Needz moar Ted Cruz comedic lead in.

    • unionthuggery

      With a side of Dr. Carson ironically whitesplaining the protests.

  • Me not sure

    Y’know, racism in Baltimore might also figure in somewhere too. Some of the first caualties of the Civil War occurred on the streets of Baltimore when secessionists opened fire on U.S. troops on their way to garrison Washington. There’s nothing new here.

  • georgiaburning

    Jeb is saying sweet nothings for the election, not the nomination. He knows that the independents will control the election and the freak-show conservatives scare them. If he bends over to the tea-tard side he’ll win the nomination but lose the election so this RINO approach is low risk. Still, this is all the same old script that W dribbled over and made potty on.

    • Beaumarchais?

      Can’t wait for his jihadi pivot.

  • gomerel

    I was trying to figure out how to tell JEB the right way to do Paleo and stumbled on this racist crap website: jebbushforpresident[dot]net/.
    I don’t want him to be elected president. I just want Paleo to be elected the standard lifestyle.

  • MegPasadena

    How did you miss this part of the interview?
    Jeb loves Charles Murray.
    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/jeb-bush-charles-murray-the-bell-curve
    This definitely will win him some points with the base.

  • Fly

    The side show freaks that the Koch bros. have so far nominated for president, make Jeb Bush look like a reasonable guy. He is not.

  • TootsStansbury

    The Bushes. They’ll save us from the Government. Or something. With their compassion! They’ll save us! Fuck that crap. They will do no such thing. Off with their goddamn heads! With votes.

    • Land Shark

      I’ve noticed the votes around here are pretty sharp ….

  • Peter Walford

    He looks like his brother in that photograph :/

    • Beaumarchais?

      They all look like his brother, the entire crime family.

    • H0mer0

      without the dicky smirk

  • Beaumarchais?

    I am already sad about this election.

  • DahBoner

    I remember when Dubya kissed King Abdullah on the lips.

    Maybe if Jeb Bush could get to Second Base, gas would only be a dollar a gallon…

    http://www.fairfaxunderground.com/forum/file.php?40,file=172368,filename=bush_kissing.jpg

    • Joseph

      I’m trying to figure out what is going on between the guy with the table cloth on his head and the woman with no head covering.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I see Jeb as the candidate for the simple reason that I can’t do a mental image of anyone else currently running on the right in a debate against Hillary. To think that they will understand how their message will need to be modified, and be able to make those modifications, for the moderates and independents does not compute.

  • guppy06

    and the politicians who were briefly alarmed while passing through on the train

    Clearly not a Taggart Transcontinental train…

  • guppy06

    and the politicians who were briefly alarmed while passing through on the train

    Clearly not a Taggart Transcontinental train…

  • Jade Helm

    I’m so pumped for the GOP primary.

    I’m glad Bush III is emerging as the front-runner. This is going to make the future ‘Jeb is an n-word lover’ ads so much more fun. Karmic justice since his brother did that to McCain in SC.

  • AlanInSF

    “Baltimore is not a model for public education,” Bush said. “You want to see that, go to Florida.”
    Florida public schools rank 10th in the U.S. in the NAEP assessment. Maryland ranks 8th. Just saying.

  • Joseph

    Holy shit! You just can’t hide stuff from those smart Bush’s

  • fratdawgg23

    Jeb and his siblings are maternal descendants of president Franklin Pierce, the only president not to be supported by his own party for re-election. Also, the only president to commit DUI-homicide by drunkenly driving his horse and carriage over a woman and killing her.

    The Bush Dynasty: From terrorising Washington pedestrians to launching the global War *of* Terror.

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