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Oh, we get it, it's about date rape-type stuff!

Earth’s most generic light beer, Bud Light, has been doing an ad campaign that they think is oh so hip, lately, to try to get beer-pong playing, dildo-brained college kids to upgrade from Natty Light and drink THEIR piss beer instead. It’s called #UpForWhatever, and there was a big PacMan super bowl commercial, because Bud Light is the beer that, according to advertising execs, makes you “up for whatever.” The labels have said things like “the perfect beer for going without a ticket and still getting into the show,” and “the perfect beer for tuning up the old air guitar,” because these guys are fucking HIP, dude. Oh, and there’s this new label, that’s totally about drinking so much that bitches won’t say no when you try to fuck them, and people don’t like it, huh.

Reddit user GhosX9 posted a picture of the label, which reads “the perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night,” on Monday, and it’s now going viral, because, FOR SOME REASON, people seem to think it’s rapey! And we tend to agree! The Consumerist suggests that, hey, you know, maybe it is NOT a good idea for a beer company to go ahead and acknowledge that their product is a really good way to get the old date rape train out of the station:

Given the role that alcohol plays in many things that would have been a “no” without a night a drinking — driving under the influence, sexual assault, vandalism, public urination, random “woot-woot”-ing as you ping-pong down the sidewalk — it’s probably not the best idea for a multinational multibillion-dollar business like Bud Light’s parent company AB InBev to publicly acknowledge that its product can lead users down a path to stupid consequences.

Now, to be totally fair to the ad goons who came up with this, they are correctly identifying their target market. What do these bros like? Beer pong! SEC football! Date rape! So, ten points for knowing your audience, and minus eleventy fucking billion points for releasing an ad that, seemingly, EGGS THEM ON.

This is not the first time Bud Light has stepped on its own ball sac with this campaign, of course. They got in trouble after St. Patrick’s Day for a now-deleted tweet, which was, surprise, also rapey!

upforwhatever

Haw haw, that’s right, you can pinch bitches for not wearing green, but also if they don’t want to fuck you, bro. GOOD DRINKING PLAN! We can’t wait to see what else they have in store, but we bet it will be rapey. We’d say we were boycotting Bud Light, but that would require us to be drinkers of the swill in the first place, which we are not, so fuck it.

[Reddit/The Consumerist via Wonkette Twitter operative @Rowast]

 

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  • BearGHAZI

    public urination is not a crime

    • MsAnthropesMr

      But Bud Light should be.

  • Nounverb911

    I’ve always wondered how Bud gets their Clydesdales to pee in the bottles….

    • MsAnthropesMr

      Big funnels.

      • cousin itt

        After a night of drinking Bud Light.

        • Lizzietish81

          That’s some inception level piss there.

  • Lizzietish81

    But do the roofies do anything about the taste?

    • OneYieldRegular

      What taste?

      • Lizzietish81

        Oh no, there’s a taste. It’s subtle. But it’s there. Making it worse than just drinking water.

        • mtn_philosoph

          I can’t seem to recall what that taste is like, though. Or even if I have ever tasted anything containing Rohypnol. Weird.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Drink enough of this shit and you’ll fuck just any old guy.

    #UpForWhatever

    • chicken thief

      Like a church friend? Just that one time?

      • onedollarjuana

        11 years ago?

    • Blank Ron

      I’d think you’d overload your kidneys long before it would get you THAT drunk.

  • ArgieBargie

    Budweiser will also rape your taste buds.

    • Lizzietish81

      I feel it’s more like it comes to your door at 2 in the morning crying about how lonely it is and gets you to have pity sex with it and then fist bumps its bros the next morning.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Because it’s not legitimate beer, how can it even be legitimate rape?

  • MrBlobfish

    I’m Bill Cosby, and I approve of this message.

    • smashedinhat

      I bow to you sir.

  • data_ninja

    Bud Light, like most lite beers, is “Sex in a canoe”. Aka, “fuckin’ close to water”.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I got a better idea. Why don’t they try adding some flavor to the beer instead?

  • Lizzietish81
    • Anarchy Pony

      Unfortunately, too often, too many people believe the asshole when he says “she lies, that little slut!”

  • eddi

    Another tone-deaf attempt at relevancy by a bunch of rich old guys.

    • JohnBull

      But enough about the Senate! (rim shot, groans)

  • Joshua Norton

    We can’t wait to see what else they have in store

    They were thinking about “Bud Lite – A Roofie in a can”, but decided to go in a different direction. For now.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    I’m tagging all my dick pics #upforwhatever from now on.

    • jmk

      Randy?

      • Fred Wertham, Jr.

        Not right now. Thanks for asking, though.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Yep, nothing gives beer more of an inhibition-lowering kick than adding water to it.

    • Spotts1701

      I thought it was the other way ’round.

    • Biff52

      It’s homeopathic beer. It retains a memory of the alcohol it once contained, and knocks you on your ass!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The next day you cure the hangover with an atom of water. Homeopathic hair of the dog that homeopathically bit you.

      • Blank Ron

        *golf clap*
        Well played, sirrah!

        • Biff52

          Full disclosure, I’ve never tasted a Bud Light, so I have no idea what it tastes like. In fact, it’s been about 26 years since I’ve tasted any beer.

          • Blank Ron

            ‘Homeopathic beer’ does actually come VERY close to the perfect description.
            May we know why you abstain from such things?

          • Biff52

            Because I am, quite frankly, too stupid to drink.

          • Blank Ron

            Ah.
            I know a great number of people who are too stupid to drink. Unfortunately, they are also too stupid to know this.

  • Lizzietish81

    It seems that this marketing campaign is directed at young people who need to be drunk in order to fill the void of their dull life with delusions of “hipness” in order to cover up their utter lack of personality.

    • MrBlobfish

      Applies to most marketing campaigns this side of MedicAlert bracelets.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Plus, isn’t that market already cornered by PBR?

    • Zippy

      AKA frat bros and MBA students

      • dshwa

        Near 100% ven diagram overlap there.

    • Anarchy Pony

      Hey! Some of us have social anxiety.

    • JohnBull

      Hey, we have personality! I just gotta check if my particular traits are pre-approved.

  • MrBlobfish

    What with the weather getting nice, the bars around town are opening the doors and setting up the outside tables. At one of these open-air drinkaporiums I recently heard one twit bro say to another twit bro “Man, look at all the bitches”. I betcha those two douches worked on this ad campaign.

    • chicken thief

      But, uh…. were there lots of bitches? At this bar near the corner of …..?

  • Zippy

    And this is why I read Teh Wonket to get all the breaking news. Because there’s no way in hell I would ever get close enough to any of that miserable excuse for beer to have any idea what the labels says…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    This may be the time to revive the old joke about the college guy who says to his roommate, “Dude, I picked up a case of gonorrhea.”

    “Great,” says the roommate, “I’ve sick of this Budweiser shit.”

  • OneYieldRegular

    NO.

  • CapnFatback

    #UpchuckWhatever
    #UpskirtWhatever
    #FeelUpWhatever
    #WoodChuckABeaver

  • chicken thief

    There’s writing on beer labels?!

    • Left Coast Tom

      “Bud Light” is beer?!

      • Spotts1701

        Technically, I suppose…

        • chicken thief

          Sez so, right there on the label! Who knew?

        • Blank Ron

          For a given value of ‘beer.’

    • Lizzietish81

      Warning labels.

      Like Warning, you are drinking Bud Lite.

  • chicken thief

    Ok, go ahead and start lobbing the rotten ‘maters at me….

    I don’t think that sounds rapey. If it said “remove the word “no” from YOUR DATE’s vocabulary…” then yep, I agree. Or if it said “all you will hear is yes, yes, yes!” then sure. But if it removes no from my vocabulary then yes, I’m #UpForWhatever, I guess.

    Edit: Wait… Am I, the Bud Light swiller, the raper or the rapee?

    • Tess

      Since we have already had the Monty Python quote I don’t need to post the clip but I think, AT BEST, you can say this is “nudge, nudge, wink wink, say no more” from people who are paid to spin the nuance of every word in an ad campaign.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Would it be guilt by association to point out that Warren Sapp, who starred in the latest UpForWhatever commercial, got busted last month for soliciting a prostitute?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Whatever.

  • Relativicus

    Actually, folks in SEC-land generally prefer Miller Lite.

  • Serolf Divad

    I’m pretty sure that’s the slogan they settled on after trying:

    “Offer her a Budweiser, and find out how low her standards really are.”

    “If she lets you buy her a Budweiser, that means she’s already beer goggling.”

    “Budweiser: If she’ll put a Bud in her mouth, there’s no telling what she’ll put in her mouth.”

    • Karlew

      *slow-clap*

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “Budweiser: Drink enough of it and you’ll fuck a Clydesdale.”

      • Blank Ron

        Maybe if she’s really cute…

    • fka_donnie_d

      A very old one about the man drinking in the bar, and every time he takes a drink he opens his wallet. The bartender asks him what the deal is, and he says “I have a picture of my wife in there. When she starts to look good I know it’s time to go home.”

  • MrBlobfish

    YOLO

  • FlownOver

    Grolsch (n.) – the sound made by anyone having too many Bud Lights

    • A Bashful Nobody

      As in “I wanted to wash my car but instead just sat around and Grolsched.” It would be a verb in that case, right?

  • Lizzietish81
  • RepubAnon

    And here I didn’t think there WAS a way to make Bud Light more disgusting…

  • chicken thief

    And I thought Coors did all the goofy shit with their packaging. Blue mountains, aluminum bottles, 12 pack coolers..

    • Whollyholeyholy

      They are the ones who market the beer for being cold, right?

  • Anarchy Pony

    Nothing like low rent piss water to get her inhibitions lowered.

  • VandeGraf

    Bud Light? No.

  • Spotts1701

    Look, if they want to move this swill the easiest thing would be to say they hate teh gay. Conservatives would buy it by the gallon then.

    • Baby_Raptor

      Conservatives are probably already buying it by the gallon. They’re fine with rape, remember?

  • TheBidenator

    Bill Cosby will be signing onto endorse the next Bud Light campaign: “The perfect beer for removing “I remember” from your vocabulary in the morning….”

  • Alan Williams

    The only thing Bud Light is perfect for doing is removing the contents of your stomach. If you’re lucky, you’ll throw it all up. If you’re not so lucky, it just speeds up the process by orders of magnitude, ending in abject disaster.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      The one time I had it I was home from school for the weekend and I drank about 15 of them (wow, goes down like water) sitting in the driveway drinking along with my brother and his buddy, both still in high school. I vomited the entire next day, but they got up early to drive 5 hours to watch a cheerleading contest like no big thing. Today he is the type who drinks at work.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      The one time I had it I was home from school for the weekend and I drank about 15 of them (wow, goes down like water) sitting in the driveway drinking along with my brother and his buddy, both still in high school. I vomited the entire next day, but they got up early to drive 5 hours to watch a cheerleading contest like no big thing. Today he is the type who drinks at work.

  • azeyote

    hey – personally i think a donkey should be featured in the photo.

  • Brother Yam

    What do these bros like? Beer pong! SEC football! Date rape!

    Dudebros drink Coors Light with their Fireball, not Bud Light.

    • dshwa

      Or keystone light.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    I opened this article thinking I would disagree, that #upforwhatever wasn’t intentionally rapey, just could be spun that way if you wanted to. But the remove no from your vocabulary slogan was over the line, and the tweet with the co-eds is unmistakably date-rapey. What the hell are these assholes thinking? I would say that I am boycotting all AB beers, but none of them taste good enough to drink anyway.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, I’ve been boycotting them since my tour in Germany gave me a chance to drink actual beer, not the terrible industrialized imitation watered down swill that AB purveys.

  • unStunned

    Wish I’d been at the meeting where they decided on this slogan. Evil genius or fucking idiots? Let’s vote!

    • Callyson

      Yes.

    • Enfant Terrible

      Evil, yes; genius, I’m not seeing it. I’m pulling the lever for “fucking idiots”.

  • georgiaburning

    Lab analysis of Bud Light shows that those Clydesdales have kidney problems.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      An army buddy of mine loved to note that associating your foaming yellow liquid product with Clydesdales was probably not a good idea.

  • Callyson

    We’d say we were boycotting Bud Light, but that would require us to be drinkers of the swill in the first place, which we are not, so fuck it.

    Well, AB also has Stella Artois, so there’s that…

    /dammit I used to like that beer

    /FFS

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Pretty much “Europe’s Budweiser”, innit?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Except…Europe actually has a “budweiser”…when a friend brought it back the country was still Czechoslovakia. And that was actually a drinkable, if clearly factory produced, pilsner.

        Note from the photo in the Wikipedia article that the Czech version doesn’t look like it came from a Clydesdale… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budweiser_Budvar_Brewery

        • Msgr_Moment

          Lots of excellent beer over here in the ČR, including nonpasteurized, nonfiltered, monastery beers, craft beers, etc., all of it cheaper than water at the local pub. I’d send you all several cases, but it travles poorly. As Sergei Lukyanenko writes, “‘Czech beer in bottles is the corpse of real beer in a glass coffin.'”.

  • Vecciojohn

    I call bullshit. You can’t get a chick drunk on this stuff. Malt liquor is your best bet.

  • Mavenmaven

    Vintage misogyny for hipsters.
    New slogan: Bud Light goes best with Rohypnol!

  • gallbladder

    Shit slogan for a shit “beer.”

  • Hardly Ideal

    My Face When I can’t even beyond the topic photo
    http://reactionimage.org/img/gallery/7715958527.jpg

  • AnOuthouse

    But I love urinating in public.

  • CalvinianChoice

    Why is Bud Light like sex in a canoe?

    It’s fucking near water.

  • Robert Weiler

    FWIW, no worse than their radio ads where ‘the coach’ demands that everybody go out and act like a drunken jerk (but responsibly!).

  • ryp

    The perfect beer for sitting at a table all night with your bros, bitching about the girls who won’t drink with you. #upformasturbatinglater

    • H0mer0

      Oh, I’d drink with anyone when it was free, the f-ing part,well, they had to have some compelling story until I was too drunk to care (I had self esteem issues.)

  • DahBoner

    Budlight: The beer that removes the No from “No shitty flavor bro”
    http://media0.giphy.com/media/WVK67YUEoQZG0/200w_d.gif

  • toomanyrappers

    I think this video explains how this whole ad campaign went down.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow7pwIDhl5c

    • Bezoar

      Thanks, that was grape. I mean great.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    All I need to know about Bud Light, I learned when helping to clean up a rural roadside, where it accounted for 90% of all cans tossed out of car windows.

  • Me not sure

    Bartendar, I’ve changed my mind, give me a beer instead of that Bud Light.

  • missannthrope

    If you’re drinking Bud Light, you’ve already removed, “no, I’d rather have been that doesn’t taste like rice,” from your vocabulary.

  • Paul Dietzel

    AB has no idea about marketing other than throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. They lost the head start to Miller with “Lite” beers and have been playing catch-up since. And they got caught totally flat-footed by the craft beer movement. They bought RR with it’s “glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe” cachet then moved the brewery to New Jersey. They tried to buy Yuengling and were rebuffed. Good God, they now offer three different Clamato flavored brews, and FOUR different Bud Light “A-Ritas” (Lima-A-Riita, etc.). They thought they were being really clever with their “Born-on-date” bullpucky ,and now their distributors have to take back anything out of “date” whether the tavern owner bothers to rotate his stock or not. And their market share continues to fall. When I was running our local Am. Legion bar and AB intro’d “Bud Light Lime” I threatened the regulars that anybody asking for one was gonna get “ninety days” shutoff.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Bud Light used to sponsor the Ironman Triathlon in Hawaii, but I live in craft beer heaven so fuck ’em.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    The Houston Rockets basketball team tweeted tonight, “Shhhh. Just close your eyes, it will be over soon, tonight about their winning a playoff series with Dallas.” When are companies going to realize that hiring frat dudebros to run social media is just plain stupid. Rape jokes are not edgy, nor are they funny. They just make your company and product look stupid.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I used to think that Budweiser was the worst swill ever created by the mind of man. Then, I tasted Bud Light.

    • To be fair, Bud and Bud Light are not the worst beers I’ve ever had (that honour goes to Lucky Lager), but they are in the “I won’t even drink them if they’re free” category, so that’s really a distinction without a difference…

      • Swampgas_Man

        My go-to for Worst Beer is Sam Adams’ Chocolate Stout, but you couldn’t PAY me to drink Bud or Coors.

        • david green

          Does anyone remember Olympia Beer? Even as a teen who had trouble getting beer (The world is so unfair), I refused to drink that stuff.

          • Whollyholeyholy

            My late grandfather’s brew of choice! Olympia Gold. I’ve never heard anyone else refer to it. Ever.

  • Drek Rush

    Hey I’m going to the store Budlight is on sale want me to pick some up?

    Are you kidding fuk tard…. Who would want a rusty bucket of that donkey piss?

    Took “No” out of my vocab.

  • Easiest. Boycott. Ever.

  • SFRealness

    So, this is true – I did one of their stupid videos and I hope its BURIED on their website. I was drunk on Sierra Nevada at the time and I felt bad for the Bud Light lady who was being ignored by everyone in the gay bar. I don’t think I’ve ever even drank a Bud Light *shudder.*

  • Fly

    Alcohol has been the father of many children.

    • Swampgas_Man

      And the third wheel in many relationships.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Ah, Bud Lite, the official beer of that jerk who was my roommate freshman year.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Official beer of all my asshole dorm residents.

  • sosuume

    The campaign now actually fits my EX, who drank it by the gallons. He married his “whatever” before the ink was dry on the divorce papers.

  • Debra Dinstett

    Ask me if I want a beer? I’ll say YES! I’m #UpForWhatever..Just because I took the word “No” out of my vocab doesnt make me automatically a rape victim..*sigh* some people.

    • Enfant Terrible

      “Whatever” is something you settle for.

      • Debra Dinstett

        umm..yeah..I am over the legal drinking age,so I do know what ‘W to the E’ means

    • Doug White

      Hmmmm…. not saying ‘no’ to one particular question is not ‘taking the word no out of your vocabulary’. That would insinuate that you will not say ‘no’ to anything. So, if the guy who gave you the beer wants a 4-way with you his buddy and their pet monkey, and beer-guy calls dibs on your rectum… remember, you can’t say ‘no’… because that word doesn’t exist for you. Maybe the words ‘condoms and lube…please’ or ‘you mean you don’t mind my herpes?’ will save you…. but I wouldn’t count on that since the monkey probably has an even smaller vocabulary than you…

      • Debra Dinstett

        Well, if I came up to you and offered you a beer,are you going to say no? And if we hit it off,and I offered you more,would you also say no too?? (Hypothetical,cause Im not a whore)..If you said yes,then that also makes you #UpForWhatever and not a rape victim :)

        • Offer me a beer, or offer me a Bud Light?

          Because there is a substantial difference…

          • Debra Dinstett

            Youre right..Myself, I’d rather have a beverage from Bell’s. :)

        • fredfnord

          “And if we hit it off,and I offered you more,would you also say no too?? (Hypothetical,cause Im not a whore)”

          Which tells us all we need to know about you, Debra. I.e. that you’re a judgmental asshole.

          • Debra Dinstett

            Said the pot to the kettle.

          • Daryl

            Totally agree – in fact she’s attacked me relentlessly for a joke I had made. She’s a **REAL** jerk!!

  • Duckler

    Settle for 4%.. Also, get a rape

  • Edward Himsel

    Well here is proof if you ever needed it: the fact that feminists have got their panties in a twist about this apparently promoting “rape culture” just goes to show that feminists are far more obsessed with rape than any man I’ve ever come across.

    • fredfnord

      Well, here is proof, if you ever needed it, that some people can’t get their heads out of their own arses long enough to even imagine what it might be like to be someone who isn’t exactly like them: straight white men with their heads firmly lodged in their own rectums.

      • Edward Himsel

        Says I’ve got my head rammed up my arse
        >Thinks “rape culture” in the western world is an actual thing.
        Kettle. Pot. Black.

        Of course, the fact that you can’t come up with an actual argument of substance and instead must resort to childish insults shows just how much of a load of BS this “rape culture” crap is and how desperate you are to not admit it.

    • fredfnord

      Well, here is proof, if you ever needed it, that some people can’t get their heads out of their own arses long enough to even imagine what it might be like to be someone who isn’t exactly like them: straight white men with their heads firmly lodged in their own rectums.

  • EroNin

    Insane feminists see rape everywhere. Not a single normal person, man or woman, thinks this slogan is rapey. The first thing I, and everyone else, thinks when they hear the slogan is not being a party pooper. If you associate the word “no” with a man asking for sex, that’s your problem.

    • DutchS

      Sorry, I don’t drink because I just don’t like the stuff. You tell me that [major brand] “tastes like p1$$,” and my response is “it ALL tastes like p1$$.” Really, I can ruin your party by not drinking?

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