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Here’s a fun little political fuck-tussle: In the town of Parma, Missouri (population 713 and reportedly declining), five of the six members of the town’s police department resigned, as did several city officials, just before the town’s first black woman mayor took office last week. Mayor Tyrus Byrd won a recent election by 37 votes against the previous mayor, Randall Ramsey, who had served for a total of 37 years, and apparently the previous administration was just really, really loyal to Randall.

Former Mayor Ramsey told local TV that the officers’ resignations, as well as those of the city attorney, clerk, and the supervisor of the waste water treatment plant, were motivated by “safety concerns.” Exactly what those safety concerns were, however, remain a mystery to Mayor Byrd, since she has not actually seen the resignation letters. It appears they were stored on the city’s computers, which were helpfully wiped clean by the outgoing City Hall office staff. Wasn’t that helpful of them, to let her start with a completely clean office like that?

Because of the missing records, Byrd said that she couldn’t comment on the resignations until she had more information. We bet that the former city officials will be more than happy to fill her in, should they ever return her phone calls. It could happen! Also, we haven’t done any research into this, but isn’t there some slight likelihood that maybe wiping city computers of personnel records just might be a crime of some sort? Somebody ought to maybe look into that!

Now, it would of course be completely unfair to suggest that all those resignations had anything to do with the race of the new mayor. Small-town politics being what they are, maybe she took some kind of political position that was simply highly unpopular, like running against Mayor-for-life Ramsey, and possibly it’s merely a coincidence that Byrd, who previously served as city clerk, did that while also being black. After all, if she was such a scary candidate that a whole bunch of people were worried about their safety, maybe she just had some other negative qualities that led them to quit. Like a really short temper, or uppitiness. Yeah, that’s probably it. Personality disputes. No need to dig into this too much, OK, media?

[Gawker / KFVS12 / WSMV]

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  • SecludedCompound

    So…. good riddance, racist fuckwit cops?

  • docterry6973

    Wipe all the computers? That would be illegal in any civilized place. Small-town Mizzou? Dunno.

    • Weldon Thomas

      In Parma they use a bottle of windex and a paper towel to wipe the computers.

  • Lizzietish81

    So she can fill those positions with her own people then!

    That WAS nice of them.

    • What do you mean “HER PEOPLE”?!?!?!?

      • Lizzietish81

        Blacks. Duh.

      • MsAnthropesMr

        Competent?

  • FZsdaughter

    I’m pretty sure the last time I encountered a situation where everyone quit playing because they didn’t like who was “it” was back in second grade. This is why Americans are not smarter than a fifth grader — they’re still in grade 2.

  • fawkedifiknow

    They Hillaried them computers.

    • Lizzietish81

      Mittens libel!

  • AntiDerpomeme

    Personally, I’d like to see this sort of fresh-start housekeeping happen all over the US. Start with Ferguson, MO.

    • JustPixelz

      Also…
      House of Representatives.
      Senate
      Supreme Court

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        THIS.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Supreme Court needs it, bad.

        • jqheywood

          Excepting, of course, the Notorious RBG!

          • sudden_eyes

            I’m okay with all the ladies. The guys can go.

          • JustPixelz

            Plus we can end the policy where Scalia gets two votes while Thomas only gets to watch silently.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Of course. The Notorious RBG is a goddess!

  • JustPixelz

    Six cops for a population of 713!? Do they have a cartoonishly big casino being robbed by George Clooney every few days?

    • guppy06

      Y’see, the interstate runs just inside the city limits and coincidentally has a speed limit of 25 MPH for that ten yard stretch…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        A small town called Coburg, north of Tracktown, USA, tried that trick, and the Oregon State Police got really stabby on their asses.

  • jmk

    She should make it clear that she’s happy the racists self-deported from government and that she’s also thrilled to be able to hire reasonable people instead of the creepy cronies who quit – and if they object to being called out on their racist cronyism, ask them to produce the records they wiped as evidence for their protest.

    • OzoneTom

      One might think that the action of wiping all of the computers would be enough to start an investigation — securing the hard drives as a start.

  • Tallmutha

    I grew up in a town of 800 people. My father still lives there and it’s up to almost a thousand now. They’ve never had more than a single police officer there. What the hell did this burg need 6 for anyway? Oh wait, I know–unlike my home town they apparently have some blah people there.

    • “Safety concerns.”

    • Blank Ron

      I lived for twelve years in a village of 285 people. Now and again a cop would drive through on his way somewhere more interesting.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Where does a town of 713 people get the money to pay six cops? Parma isn’t even on a state highway, so it’s not traffic tickets.

      • Tallmutha

        Meth lab busts?

  • Wonkaholic

    Hey, it could be a simple as, having spent 37 years kissing the ass to the previous mayor, they didn’t want to have to start all over with a new one. Especially if they were worried that they’d catch sickle-cell anemia or some other blah disease from kissing this ones ass (hence the safety concerns).

  • schmannity

    Are Parma police pro shooto?

    • mtn_philosoph

      It varies, depending on whether or not they’ve had their daily cuppa cola.

      • mtn_philosoph

        The resignations have left Mayor Byrd with a deli-cut situation.

  • JustPixelz

    “the city’s computers, which were helpfully wiped clean by the outgoing City Hall office staff.”

    This is awful! We’ve lost our strategic reserve of racist emails and cartoons. OH WAIT. Found ’em. They’re on townhall.com.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    Come on people, this has nothing to do with race. Misogyny yes, race, well maybe some of both.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As others have indicated, it may have to do with the fear that a change of leadership will lead to questions about the disbursement of public funds. Hence the wipe of the hard drives, which should be looked into immediately. As well as all financial records.

  • Virginia Dreaming

    You would think they had outgrown the, “If I can’t win, I’m going to take my ball and go home,” phase by now.

  • Spotts1701

    So, um, who’s running the town? The mayor and the one cop who didn’t quit?

    • AnOuthouse

      both part time jobs too

  • Shibusa

    “Safety concerns” is a euphemism for “Please God don’t let anybody audit the books or we’re all going to jail.”

    • FauxAntocles

      Or look at our funny, funny emails.

    • ryp

      I think you nailed it. Folks don’t resign en masse and risk losing their pensions unless they either don’t need them, or they are fully vested just by being related to Uncle Randall.

    • Amy!

      Well, they didn’t say whose safety they were concerned about, did they?

  • John Hollingsworth

    Come on, if they don’t resign enmass, how is FoxNews going to run it’s story ‘Back Mayor Fires All White Employees!’

  • exinkwretch

    The folks that quit were a little steamed when they were told they couldn’t hold the Klan meeting at city hall any more. That, and they were robbing Mayberry blind.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    “…population 713 and reportedly declining…” So those who resigned continued the trend–they declined to continue their phony baloney jobs because a new sheriff had come to town. I’d assume a Good Riddance party was in order.

  • O’bama forced their resignations. Thanks O’bama.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We should NEVER have let the Irish into this country.

  • Shibusa

    Too bad 80% of the Republicans in Congress did not have this impulse when Obama was elected.

    • Blank Ron

      Which is funny because so many of them said they’d do just that.
      Typical GOPpies, never following through on their promises…

  • chicken thief

    So she sent thank you notes to all of them?

  • dorquemada

    Fuck ’em and move on.

  • chicken thief

    When does she actually take office? I want to swing by and watch as she rounds up all their guns and makes them gay marry someone with receptions catered by Memories pizza paid for with EBT cards. Follow me on Faceplace on your Obamaphones, ya’ll and I’ll keep you posted!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Safety concerns”? Because we all know that black mayors load people into a van and then crash it deliberately head on into bridge abutments as their first official act.

  • chicken thief

    How fucking racist do you have to be to quit a cush gubmint jerb in Hicksville just to make a point?!

    • vivian

      somewhere north of 99%

    • mtn_philosoph

      When after 37 years your Uncle Sugar is defeated in an election.

  • Enfant Terrible

    Pssst, Mayor Byrd… data recovery companies charge reasonably for their services, and the results could be entertaining and educational!

    • david green

      Bet a GoFundMe account could raise the data recovery cost in a day or so.

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I’m gonna put money on graft, rather than out ‘n’ out racism. These fine citizens are likely not returning calls because of the lousy reception in Costa Rica.

    Also, 37 votes is probably about 10% of the electorate. That’s a landslide.

  • Tendernob

    I have nothing to add except that “Tyrus” is a totally kick-ass name.

    • mtn_philosoph

      Just find some excuse to stay behind if your boss wants you to accompany him when he decides to visit his old friend Hector in the nursing home. The social call could ultimately blow up on all three of you.

  • Joshua Norton

    missing records

    Maybe racism, but also a huge dose of “if they ever find out how much we’ve been stealing, our ass is grass! So long suckas!”

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Only problem with that is how much graft can there be in a town of 715? Jeez, the place isn’t over 15 blocks in either direction…

      • Jill122

        Bell, CA had population of 38K; one in six live below the poverty line — mayor and council hauled in millions in “salary” for YEARS! Where there’s a will . . .

        Wish there were a way to call her to tell her to get an IT professional in ASAP. And to go to the bank and get control of whatever money is remaining in the accounts. Get their names off of the accounts — in fact, close the accounts get statements and start all over again. I hope she has a smart attorney.

  • tegrat

    They need to get those hard drives to an expert immediately. Chances are good the drives aren’t actually “wiped”…

    • Lizzietish81

      Given the track record of conservatives with computers, I’d say they probably left everything on a server.

      • AnOuthouse

        in a cloud, close to God.

      • nmmagyar

        Conservatives and small town? They probably didn’t know to empty the recycle bin.

        • Blank Ron

          We don’t go in for that hippie ‘recycling’ shit here in Parma.
          – Randall ‘running far and fast’ Ramsey

      • data_ninja

        Did someone check the recycle bin yet?

    • data_ninja

      Drive recovery is expensive, but it can work. If it’s a low level erase, then someone was deliberately covering their tracks. I’m more curious about the backups: If no backups exist, then that’s negligence. If backups have been erased (or went missing), that’s probably evidence of something suspicious.

  • Drew Hart

    According to bjs.gov, in 2008 there were 2.3 police per 1,000 residents, so that would equal about 2 police for this city – why did it need so many – probably because they were all related to the mayor…

    • Biff52

      I understand several of them were reserves, just like that nice man down in Oklahoma…

      • Beowoof14

        And I am sure they would be happy to shoot the mayor who looks like a criminal to them.

  • Ergoetal

    Yeah, they think they’re smart, alright. But give them a week or two to figure out that “quitting work” also means “not getting paid.”

    • sillyclucker

      Coming soon: lots of new Gofundme accounts.

  • Weldon Thomas

    The town can now dispose of the MRAP that the former chief and his pals used to drive out to the weekend Klan rallies.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Don’t let the town hit you in the ass on the way out, wipes….

  • AKLynne

    They apparently have wiped out the official town website too. I tried to e-mail congratulations to her, and it came up empty. I couldn’t send it. I hope she does something about that computer situation. I’ll bet there’s some really interesting stuff on there they wanted nobody to read. Could be fun and popcorn worthy.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Especially if they think deleting a file means it’s really gone…

  • amindofitsown

    Methinks this is one part “let’s get the fuck out of here before the cat gets let out of the bag” and one part “I’m not working for no darkie mayor”. But, of course, the Supreme Court done said people ain’t racist no more, so it couldn’t *possibly be the latter.

  • Jade Helm

    Tyrus Byrd is the real racist

    • Invictus Corruptus

      Right….because she is non white. You are an idiot.

      • doktorzoom

        Ahem… You may be new here. This is Wonkette. We make jokes here, and many of the comments should not be taken at face value. For instance, “He seems nice.”

        The standing joke is that, among conservatives, anyone who suggests that racism may have motivated a probably-racist action “is the real racist”. It’s an easy joke, but a joke nonetheless.

        • willi0000000

          nothing kills humor faster than having to explain it.

          • Wombat

            Here, have one of those cakes we like, and a pony. That should help.

          • SirFartzAlot

            Cedar cheez libel!

        • Beaumarchais?

          We should start numbering the staples. THAT would confuse a certain subset of our readership.

          • david green

            Oh sure. Someone will type #4, and you will all chuckle while I am still trying to find the index to see what it means.

        • Bad Granny

          How can we take comments at face value when you don’t allow comments?!!1!

    • handyhippie65

      and what evidence do you offer to support your claim?

      • handyhippie65

        sorry. i too was too literal. i had a bad day.

  • AnOuthouse

    My guess is they weren’t threatened by her skin color but by her honesty. The ‘safety’ concern would be about their asses in the poky. I hope they kept their graft in off shore accounts.

  • Bill Slider

    I look forward to learning that the city officials who feared for their safety and resigned, held long-term memberships in the KKK.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    HELP!! HELP!! I can’t get my Delorean started and I’m stuck in the wrong year!!

  • gomerel

    I say tell the bigots “Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out!”

  • Invictus Corruptus

    Perhaps when they say they are concerned for their safety it could mean the KKK will becoming to town?

    Or they are as bad as Ferguson and have so much corruption and racism within City Hall and the police Dept that they had to wipe out the City computers before getting out of Dodge?

    • handyhippie65

      i vote both. the second statement even more so.

  • OneYieldRegular

    They resigned? Good news all around. No more racist cops to bother the new mayor and no severance pay or unemployment to pay out.

    • vivian

      Hey Face, how’s it going without that nose?

  • FlownOver

    Parma extends a little down into the Shitheel… sorry, Bootheel of Missouri, so Very Nearly Arkansas and just a meth lab’s throw from Kaintuck and Tennessee. Anyone still surprised?

  • As someone who was a small town journalist once upon a time, I do feel bad for the teevee reporters who had to cover this and pretend that the motives behind the mass resignation are a big mystery.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh gee, racist scumbags in Missouri, after their responsible handling of the Ferguson case and Officer Shoot the Black Guy I would like to say I am surprised but,

    • NorthStarSpanx

      They are working on their “strongly held religious beliefs” as a defense to their racist policies and forwarded jokes.

  • sosuume

    Hope Mayor Tyrus Byrd hires a real good computer forensics expert. Would like to see the bricks all those newly unemployed folks will shit when that happens.

  • Meccalopolis

    safety, fear of a strong black woman giving them the beatdown they so richly deserve: semantics!

  • Seriously

    She should investigate erasing of computers as a crime. Pretty sure it is actually a crime. Give as good as you get Mayor Byrd. Congrats on the new job. And condolences on the new job.

    • Strepsi

      It certainly is a crime to delete bot one’s employer’s files, and to delete civic records, almost everywhere.*

      *Hellholes like Missouri may be the exception. Don’t shoot!

  • handyhippie65

    ” i’l quit before i work fer a damned ******. ” heard at dinner tables oll over town the evening before she took office. she should win easily next election after these “citizens” move away.

  • sillyclucker

    If only The Nuge kept his promises like these fine town folk.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Thirty-seven votes made a difference folks. Looks like Koch felled in constructing the right poll barriers in Missouri.

  • willi0000000

    Mayor Byrd, it might just be time for that team of no-knock auditors . . . and keep tabs on any of the ‘resignees’ just in case they decide to move to a non-extraditing locale.

  • SpaceCaptainWarlock

    They do love a good self-fulfilling prophecy don’t they? “She’s a shitty mayor because nothing ever got done (because we all quit).”

  • Marceline

    Do these cops realize that if they leave the force they no longer get to kill unarmed black folks with impunity?

    • Amadan CBEB

      See under ‘Zimmerman’.

  • elpinche

    Sounds like Byrd took out the trash. Hopefully those racist human shit piles don’t litter some other undeserving town.

    • zerosumgame0005

      I wonder what will be said when those proud quitters potential employers call for a reference?

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Given that most people still don’t know that deleting a file doesn’t actually remove it, I bet a good recovery app would make those letters–assuming they existed–magically reappear. Along with everything else they didn’t want her to see…

    • drbloor

      Yeah, I’m guessing Cletus the IT guy stopped reading the how-to manuals pretty early on in his career.

      • Blank Ron

        Whut’s uh man-you-wel?
        – Cletus

  • Relativicus

    A town of 700+ people must have plenty of job opportunities. Seriously though, I’m betting it’s not a “Race Thing!” I’m betting it’s a “that bitch is going to uncover our illegal retirement and compensation things” thing.

  • Beaumarchais?

    After 37 years, the skeleton closet is probably quite full, so they may have also quit because they’re about to caught.

    • Mr Corrections

      I have read elsewhere that the quittings may have had more to do with four decades of rampant corruption, yes. I think we play it safe and say it’s a 50-50 split between racism and impending felony charges.

      • Mr Corrections

        What’s hilarious is that the attorney and various other non-police employees who quit all cited “safety concerns” as their reasons. I hope some intrepid reporter tracks one of them down and makes them explain that.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          If they hadn’t quit and wiped their hard drives clean, they were in danger of being prosecuted and jailed. Thank goodness they’re safe!

    • chiefkurtz

      …..and literally contains skeletons.

  • jeff fearnow

    Oh yey Murrica!

  • Blank Ron

    Everyone’s missing the REAL story: there’s a half dozen jobs available in Missouri!

    • chiefkurtz

      How’d you like to visit DisneyWorld, or go on a cruise, and be asked ‘What line of work are you in?’, and have to answer ‘I’m a police officer in Missouri’?

      • Blank Ron

        Simple. I’d lie. Like every other Missouri cop has been for a while now.

  • Mel

    6 cops seems like a lot for 700 people anyway.

    • Mr Corrections

      23 reported crimes in 2012. No murders and one rape in the last ten years.

      Plus, the state police exist.

      It’s way too many cops.

      • Gregory Brown

        Municipal welfare for his buddies, is what it looks like.

        • Mr Corrections

          Nah, I’m sure there’s a really good reason you’d need 6 cops for one crime every fortnight.

    • chiefkurtz

      No shit. I’ll bet Mayberry, NC had fewer residents, and they only had two cops, well one and half if we’re honest about Barney, and one and a quarter if we’re honest about Warren.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Interesting tidbit: none of the people who quit even live in Parma.

  • Guest

    Haha wow:
    “I don’t want Al Sharpton showing up here. I’ll tell you that,” said Martha Miller, the owner of Miller’s Store who campaigned for Byrd.

  • Strepsi

    The city should sue its outgoing employees: certainly in most states destroying civic recordss is a criminal offense.

    • chiefkurtz

      Sue? Indict and put on trial. Best part is, they quit so they can’t be put on Admin. leave and collect pay.

  • chiefkurtz

    Here’s a gem from a Missouri website, explaining unemployment compensation:

    You can not receive Missouri unemployment benefits if you quit your job.

    IF YOU HAVE A JOB, DO NOT QUIT IT

    IF YOU QUIT YOUR JOB, DON’T EXPECT TO COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT

    Engage the ‘White Male of European Descent Victimhood’ Machine, cuz it’s clear she ‘would have’ (or as they’ll write ‘would of’) fired them all for the crime of being white once her fraudulent coup installs her on her throne of lies.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Can you even get unemployment if you were a public official?

      • chiefkurtz

        Elected officials, no. Any non elected official laid off or terminated for reasons other than misconduct or breach of trust could collect.

  • SullivanSt

    Those “safety concerns” couldn’t possibly have arisen from any kind of language the outgoing Mayor conveyed to these individuals, could they? Of the “nice house you got there, shame if anything were to happen to it” kind.

  • NotTimHolt

    The entire population of Mayberry was 5360 and they only needed Sheriff Taylor and Deputy Fife. The only way Parma MO can pay for that many cops is on the backs of it’s 700 citizens. One good cop is all they need.

  • mtn_philosoph

    Mayor Byrd can now rightfully claim that she reversed the runaway growth of government.

  • James Babb Ⓐ

    When cops quit, don’t question it. Just celebrate.

  • Nishi

    First job as mayor should be to have every computer forensically investigated, if they didn’t just swap out or take the drives.

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