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Did you know it has been six years since President Obama murdered the American economy with his bare hands and some so-called “stimulus” spending? This is a true fact, according to Speaker John Boehner, who is crying — more than usual — about how the president’s unlawful Marxist Big Government spending ruined everything:

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 11.12.46 AM

Let’s spend 11 whole seconds Googling on the interwebs to see just how right Boehner is.

5yeardowaverage

Oh, SNAP, Obama broke the stock market! And just look at what the stimulus plan did to unemployment rates, and how they’ve gone up! up! up! all these years since then, according to some know-nothing government agency that collects those kinds of numbers:

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 12.57.16 PM

Let us not even speak of how cheap gas is these days — which for some reason is the best indicator of the state of the economy, as it is a thing your average dumb American kind of understands — because a) that was President Michele Bachmann who did that, YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA!, and b) Fox News says cheap gas is probably bad for the economy anyway.

bachmann-2-dollar-tweet

Yes, Speaker Boehner, you are definitely correct that Obama’s “stimulus” plan has made everything worse, except for how everything’s better, but that’s kind of the same thing, except for how it’s the opposite. You just keep on attacking the president for his failures — while you’re not busy being “pleased” about all that sweet, sweet stimulus money Obama’s Big Government forced upon your home state of Ohio:

I’m pleased that federal officials stepped in to order Ohio to use all of its construction dollars for shovel-ready projects that will create much-needed jobs.

Oh right. That. Along with all the other Republicans who voted against the stimulus package and then were equally “pleased” about those federal dollars flowing into their states.

Now, what was that you were saying about failure, John?

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  • chascates

    He is as full of shit as a government mule.

  • They just keep saying “failed policies” over and over again, without bothering to ever mention HOW exactly the policies have failed… It’s almost like they’re after some sort of “low information voter”, or something…

    • bikerlaureate

      Their right to be ignorant is every bit as God-given as your right to “learn” stuff.

  • weejee

    Boner sheds gin-soaked tears.

  • edgydrifter

    He’s playing to the choir. As gerrymandered as our House districts are, any Republican incumbent who wants to keep his or her seat only needs to get a thick slice of the 28% of Americans who blame Obama for 9/11 and–presto!–election won!

  • CutterTeam

    You silly liberals can’t see the truth even when it’s right in front of you. There was only one Kardashian-related reality show when Obama signed the stimulus back in 2009. Now we have four. If that doesn’t define pain and suffering, I don’t know what does.

    • JohnBull

      That’s hard to argue with, actually.

  • Ruhe

    John, you left out the part where Obama caught a ride from his favorite welfare queen in her solid gold caddie, and how she drove him to the airport and all the air traffic across America was stopped for like three hours while he got a haircut right there in the middle of runway and he paid like a thousand taxpayer ameros for that haircut and it was the commie barber Obama uses who whispered in his ear about how to kill America by slowly Benghaziiing us all.

  • Paul Dudack

    Maybe the Orange Whip should ask noted shitkicker Rick Perry how his “Texas Miracle” got funded.

  • Joshua Norton

    Yes, Speaker Boehner, you are definitely correct that Obama’s “stimulus” plan has made everything worse, except for how everything’s better,

    And fwiw, the GOP has done more damage to this nation than 1000 Obamas.

    Justsaynizall

    • Nuke90210

      We should measure the destructive powers of nuclear weapons on a region in “GOP’s”

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sure, you could drop the “M” and the “K”, but then you’d need to start using m and μ, so it’s pretty much a wash.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      The gave us ISIL, for starters.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obama still hasn’t made the trains run on time, though.

    • He doesn’t really need to, he has a time machine.

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        Is a hot tub? Because that would be really cool if it was a hot tub.

        • Callyson

          No, it’s this bitchin’ ride:

          http://i.imgur.com/tKaha.gif

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            First, we need to creat the Giffie Awards.
            Then, we give it for this.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      No worries, they’re just blowing up anyway.

  • LarryHoudini

    Thanks, Obama. No, seriously–thanks!

  • Spotts1701

    “If you ignore all the evidence, don’t speak to anyone who makes less than $1 million, and read only Murdoch-owned papers, you’ll see it as plain as day that Obama is horrid.”

  • say wha

    Nothing succeeds like failure.

  • MrBlobfish

    Michele is flashing her gang signs.

    • TeenLaQueefa

      And she claimed Obama was running a Gangster Government!

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      I do not–repeat, DO NOT–want to see her gang tats.

      • Beaumarchais?

        There’s one on her butt that only Marcus understands.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Like Marcus has any interest in her butt.

  • exinkwretch

    In Boehner’s defense, the “let the fuckers starve” recovery plan, if implemented, would have dramatically reduced unemployment because of population decline, and given corporate profits a healthy goose!

  • Nuke90210

    Wonkette should have mugs labelled “John Boehner’s Tears” for sale. I’d drink the fuck out of it.

    • bikerlaureate

      it could be clear… and the use of orange-colored beverages would be recommended.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’ll take a set of 8, with the matching 4-qt. liter pitcher.

  • chicken thief

    I call bullshit. If Boner had tweeted that there would be orange finger smears and wet spots from his tears all over it.

  • HarryButtle

    Right, John. Because we all know that more Benghazi investigations, more voting to repeal Obamacare, and closing more abortion clinics down is what our economy really needs.

    • Gleem-McShinez

      Hopefully the explosion of sales of my new product Benghagisil™ will pull the economy out of the terrible awful no-good doldrums it is in.

      Raging Anger? Butthurtburn? BENGHAGISIL™ IS FOR YOU, REAL AMERICAN!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I thought Ben-Gaz ointment was the go-to fix.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    These fuck ups. I mean, these fucking fuck ups.

  • chicken thief

    The mooselimb Kenyan Usurper managed to fulfill two GOP hopefuls economic targets – One L Michele’s $2 gas, as noted, and also too Mitt’s unemployment below 6%.

    Not too bad for the Worst Preznit Evuh.

    • Ulricii

      But the New Guy says the reports of unemployment below 6 % are untrue. Who are you going to believe, the Bureau of Labor Statistics or some guy with a mechanical calculator working away in his mother’s basement while he’s multi-tasking, listening to FOX and the Lim-bow? I know who your main man would believe.

  • Mavenmaven

    Obama made my p-points disappear…

  • whatwhomever

    well, Boner could be right, since he’s certainly an expert on what failure looks like. He sees it every time he looks in a mirror.

  • dslindc

    Well, I guess reading graphs and understanding facts is difficult while you’re crying or blinded by a tanning bed.

    • Left Coast Tom

      …or suffering from a hangover.

  • Obama caused by battery to die while my car was at the airport over the weekend.

    Asking for a jump there is just asking for trouble.

    Jeez Obama, pick on someone else wontcha?

  • JustPixelz

    Based on Obama’s performance, we should only elect Muslim socialist Kenyans going forward. That probably excludes Hillary, but I’m not 100% sure.

    • willi0000000

      by the time we get to 2016, if not before, Hillary will have been running boko haram and IS from her secret lair under the volcano in her home country of Africa.

  • Poly_Ester

    Its just that John can no longer afford good bourbon on his salary.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Good bourbon’s wasted on John. Save it for us.

  • Callyson
    • Duckbudder

      Next you’ll be telling me that climate change is real. Ya think I’m stupid, or some thing?

  • Thankfulnote

    1) Why do WEALTHY CONTROL FREAKING elitist liberal DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS

    Always use the DOW JONES Industrial Average as a sales pitch, when the MIDDLE CLASS is not focused on DOW JONES.

    2) Concerning the unemployment rate, GALLOP CEO, Jim Clifton, on February 4th, blasts the government’s unemployment rate of 5.6% as

    ‘A BIG LIE’.

    Clifton says that “Right now, as many as 30 million Americans are either out of work or severely underemployed.”

    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/tom-blumer/2015/02/04/gallup-polling-ceo-blasts-presss-complacency-covering-unemployment-and

    • rebecca

      look you guys, somebody linking from Newsbusters! welcome, new friend!

      • Thankfulnote

        rebecca

        You said, “look you guys, somebody linking from Newsbusters! welcome, new friend!”

        Then, you get ‘likes’, and I do not.

        Are you the WONKETTE WELCOME WAGON?

        Because you got ‘likes’ and I did not. So, feeling ‘WONKETTE WELCOMED’ …

        Well, I am not feeling it.

        • You makin’ eyes at my wife, Bub?

          That’s my job…

          • Thankfulnote

            Shypixel

            I am not a Bub. I am a Bubbette.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            You are not funny either. Like our counterparts on the far right the Wonkeratti far prefer snark to facts.

          • Thankfulnote

            CONTROL FREAKING DEMOCRAT HouseOfTheBlueLights

            What is you people’s problem? I come on here to comment, and get nothing but sarcasm and name calling in return.

            Fine, I am not enjoying the WONKETTE experience.

            I am out of here.

          • anniegetyerfun

            Hon, we are not only a bunch of gay liberals, but we pride ourselves on being supreme smartasses. Though the occasional heartfelt comment makes it through, we try to bring humor to our commentary. It’s cool if you don’t want to take part, just don’t be shocked by it or anything, OK?

          • Thankfulnote

            DEMOCRAT anniegetyerfun

            I am missing the humor, here. Someone calls me ‘Bub’ and I say that I am a ‘Bubbette’ … my definition of dry humor … and I am belittled for it.

            Perhaps you are correct. WONKETTE’S humor and my humor do not align.

          • TheBidenator

            Can I ask you a question? How much work have you put into learning politics? I mean, a little back story but until about oh 2003-04 I was essentially apolitical. Around that time I became politically activated thanks to the Iraq War and the fallout from it and I went on to construct an ideology. I read numerous sources including Russell Kirk, Noam Chomsky and also biographies (FDR) and numerous polemics from right and left, hell I even read Goldwater. Want to know what I discovered? Wingnuts are full of shit! I was in college studying economics, science, etc in 2008 when I read “Arguing with Idiots” by Glenn Beck. Hilariously, about 95% of what is in there and I assume it’s ghost written is NONSENSE. Especially the economic stuff it just doesn’t jibe with reality. I was never in the wingnut camp because I don’t like religious hypocrites who’s golden rule is more cruel than anything else. I also don’t like bigots and liars and racists who use more dog whistles than a dog trainer.

            Essentially my point is this, if you think RICH DEMOCRAT politicians are the problem, have you seen how rich the GOP is? Oh and the GOP is funded by like, 8 very extremely rich guys who only want the deck stacked in their favor.

          • Thankfulnote

            TheBidenator

            I learned by commenting on websites and reading other commenters. It takes quite a while to learn enough information to understand wingnut information, when it appears. And, I am still learning.

            However, what I have found is that many of my opinions tick off both sides of the political spectrum. I have been called every political derogatory name that exist.

            LWN, RWN, Marxist, Tin Foil Hat wearer, Koolaide drinker, Tea Party person, and moby (that was a new one).

            It seems that depending on my point of view, at the moment, is what determines what derogatory name I will be called.

            That said, big government is dangerous business. That is a shocker to learn. But, it is the truth.

            Big business is unfair. Big Government is unfair AND Dangerous.

          • Ulricii

            And posts that run on and on are worst of all.

          • TheBidenator

            “Big Government” is in a matter of gradient and function- I’d argue that expanding the military and spending more on armaments than every other first world nation combined is a lot more dangerous than expanding welfare relief to the poor. What always makes me laugh is that right wingers love to scream about “big gummint overreach!” when it comes to regulating how much mercury can be dumped into the water but are in complete agreement with sticking a probe down a woman’s vagina before she can have an abortion or building weapons that are so lethal they can kill millions of people with a single press of a button.

            As for Obamacare as the latest issue to bear that label it hardly qualifies as big government; in fact depressingly it is still very much grounded in the same broken system that the private market has created since the 1980’s. I’ve studied the health systems of several nations and I’m a HUGE fan of the Japanese system- it’s single payer with over 1,000 different health plan options but it retains private practice and most hospitals are not state owned. It’s cheaper, more efficient and far more effective than the beast that is American health care and best of all, the Japanese live longer with better quality of life and everyone is covered.

          • Thankfulnote

            DEMOCRAT The Bidenator

            You are not understanding what I am saying about why I left the “CONTROL FREAKING” DEMOCRATS.

            I am not a right winger. I am see barriers that the WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS purposely construct for the sole purpose of keeping a secure voting base.

            The WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS give inner city residents

            CRUMBS

            While, obstructing a Republican investor from building a grocery store in a freaking FOOD DESERT. Mothers with children have no access to freaking FOOD because the WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS are too cheap to invest THEIR OWN MONEY, and at the same time obstruct Republicans from investing in inner cities.

            That is sick. That is evil. If you want to defend it, knock yourself out.

            There should be no such thing as a FOOD DESERT in this country, much less a FOOD DESERT MAP.

            And, the WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS, by obstructing Republican investment into grocery stores in FOOD DESERTS, while at the same time WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS are too cheap to invest THEIR OWN MONEY

            While, the WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS obstruct grocery stores, they are also obstructing the creation of jobs, both for the grocery store, itself, and for small businesses that WOULD HAVE built around the grocery store.

            How To Find A Food Desert Near You
            http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/03/13/174112591/how-to-find-a-food-desert-near-you

            Art Pope Fires Back At Critics Of New Raleigh Grocery Store
            http://www.wncn.com/story/26503086/art-pope-fires-back-at-critics-of-new-raleigh-grocery-store

          • just_jim

            If you want to be treated politely, stop lying about not being a right winger. Only right wingers call Democratic Politicians ‘democrat politicians’.

          • Thankfulnote

            just_jim

            How could you defend and call Democrats ‘democrat(ic)’ with the information that I gave you?

            I do not care what ‘right wingers’ or anyone else calls Democrats.

            There is ZERO that is “democratic” about

            WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS

            Forcing people to live in

            FREAKING FOOD DESERTS

            For the FREAKING SECURED VOTING BASE.

          • Ulricii

            A clue, Bidenator: Anybody who uses “Democrat” as the name of the party, the adjectival form for politicians, and in every other way when describing that party’s affiliates has learned their party politics from FOX and Rush Limbaugh. And they definitely were not “a Democrat in the past”, as this twit asserts. I cry bulllshit. I also cry “HOORAY” if they’ve really departed.

          • sillyclucker

            There’s your “like”. Feel better now? Unwad thy panties, Bubette!

          • blaid droog

            I think you meant: align

          • Thankfulnote

            Thanks.

          • Ulricii

            (((Wow. Has he/she finally gone? Can I come out now? THIS is what our Wonkette overladies have been cushioning us from for years. I’m ready to go back to the “No Comments Allowed” days.)))

          • Thankfulnote

            Ulricii

            I apologize for being harsh.

            I thought this was a full fledge political website.

            Again, I apologize.

          • Thankfulnote

            CONTROL FREAKING DEMOCRAT HouseOfTheBlueLights

            You call what I wrote ‘snark facts’?

            Well, I got ZERO facts from numerous WONKETTE people. Only name calling and bullying.

          • gedjcj

            Sheesh, I took a chance that you weren’t just a butthurt troll. Looks like I wasted my time.

        • gedjcj

          Are you the WONKETTE WELCOME WAGON?

          If anyone speaks for Wonkette, it’s rebecca.

          To be fair, your points about the DOW and the unemployment rate are well taken, and probably well understood by most of us, they just don’t have any bearing on Speaker Boehner’s tweet.

          • Thankfulnote

            gedjcj

            My referrals of the Dow and unemployment came from

            WONKETTE’S

            Argument in the article against Speaker Boehner’s tweet.

            My argument was against WONKETTE.

            Short of not commenting on WONKETTE’S articles, I am not sure what your point is.

          • gedjcj

            Then let me clarify: I agree with you that the DJIA (which is not “the stock market” any more than Nordstrom’s is the “retail industry”) is not a reliable indicator of the state of the economy. I certainly wouldn’t have led with it. That’s just not enough to justify voting for the entirety of your post.

            There are significant problems with the way we calculate unemployment, but it is still useful as a standard metric, and is in no way a “lie” (Disraeli be damned). In this case I was being way to too generous to you. I guess I’ll have to walk that back.

            Why do WEALTHY CONTROL FREAKING elitist liberal DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS

            This was an invitation to reasoned debate on a site where it’s clear your views are in the minority? I’m not feeling it.

            Linking to NewsBusters: RationalWiki say it:

            NewsBusters is a wingnut media watch website that styles itself as “Exposing and Combating Liberal Media Bias.” The site is an extension of Brent Bozell’s hate group, Media Research Center.

            While an ostensibly admirable goal to keep check on the media (quis custodiet ipsos custodes?[1]), it does not so much expose “liberal bias” as try to ram a Republican agenda in all over the place. The site also has a blatant anti-science agenda, often bashing stories on evolution and global warming that don’t give time to wing nut creationist or denialist perspectives.

            So yeah, linking to NewsBusters got you mocked by the Publisher and Editrix of this here mommyblog and recipe hub, and whinging about it didn’t win you any sympathy points in the comments, if she allowed them.

          • Thankfulnote

            gedjcj

            Sorry. I read the article and assumed this was a political website.

            And, I definitely use the phrase

            ‘WEALTHY CONTROL FREAKING DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS’

            Now, that I have left the Democrats.

            No doubt, my purpose is to make the point that it is not right for the WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS to claim to be the party of *caring*.

            While, in DEMOCRAT CONTROLLED INNER CITIES, the residents are entrapped with programs MEANT to entrap secure voting blocks.

            And, I see the same DEMOCRAT TACTIC being used against the Middle Class (financial entrapment) through

            WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION.

            Anyway, I am not in the recipe stage of my life. I am trying to learn about politics. I have been a Democrat and was not interested in anything beyond those walls. And, now I am.

            Have a good day.

          • Duckbudder

            BRAVO!

        • rebecca

          Sorry :(

          • Duckbudder

            Hammer time

    • anniegetyerfun

      I don’t disagree with the points you raise about the middle class not being particularly rewarded by the booming economy. But that’s part of the “class warfare” thing the we liberals are always accused of partaking in whenever we talk about the increasing inequality gap.

      • Thankfulnote

        anniegetyerfun

        First, I am a former lifetime bleeding heart liberal REBEL Democrat. So, my nature has always been left of left of left.

        That said, even I got to the point that I could see that the

        WEALTHY DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS

        Through Wealth Redistribution are creating a two class system. The WEALTHY, who will always exist, and the Lower Class.

        Technically, there will be a ‘Middle Class’. However, that is not based in reality.

        Because the ‘Middle Class’ will be the working class that must pay for their ‘stuff’ and everyone else’s ‘stuff’ and live no better than the Lower Class.

        The only thing worse than an overpaid CEO is a

        WEALTHY CONTROL FREAKING DEMOCRAT POLITICIAN

        Who has the power to decide HIS / HER own fate, based on how much the

        DEMOCRAT POLITICIAN

        ALLOWS

        The Middle Class to keep.

        • TheBidenator

          Oh shut up, if you’re so concerned about how much the “middle is class” is allowed to keep maybe you ought to be asking why is my CEO making 400x’s what I make? Why are capital gains taxed at a much lower rate and are separate from income? What’s this bullshit about eliminating the ‘death tax’ and why doesn’t low taxes on the top equal higher wages across the middle and lower spectrum as promised? What’s this bullshit about tax havens and offshoring while tax ‘incentives’ and corporate welfare go to companies which don’t put anything back in? Why is it that wages remain flat and yet everything costs more?

          Stop bitching about your stupid income taxes, your declining purchasing power has very little to do with the marginal rate you pay and “DEMOCRAT” politicians aren’t responsible for it…start with 1981and then go forward oh and remember the last time your share of the wealth got better was during a DEMOCRATIC administration.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Sorry, you give yourself away with your syntax. No leftie would use Democrat as an adjective, and no conservative can remember to say Democratic Politician.

          • Thankfulnote

            Celtic_Gnome

            To put it in simple terms, I have gone from practically a lifetime of a believing Marxist (REBEL Democrat for me) to believing that

            Republicans want the money and be done with it.

            Democrats want the Power & Control (first) and money will follow.

            Big Business is unfair.

            Big Government (Democrats) is unfair and dangerously powerful.

      • TheBidenator

        Wingnut alert…you’re a lot more civil than I am hahaha, I mean that as a compliment.

    • :”when i graduate college, i can’t wait to work at newsbusters” said by NO self-respecting journalism student EVER.

      • Thankfulnote

        sly-3

        Who Newsbusters is, is news to me.

        That said, the CEO of Gallup was quoted in the Newsbusters article.

        And, I believe Gallup to be reputable. Maybe, you have other information on Gallup.

  • Zap Rowsdower

    Kill that gif of Boehner with fire NAO! It is freaking horrifying! Look at him twitching, ew!

    • JoeChristmas

      He looks like a crying corpse.

  • Capt.Jim

    yeah yeah yeah but what about Benghazi

  • Paperless Tiger

    The bosses are in a panic, because, if this keeps up, they might have to give someone a raise.

  • Steverino247

    Government spending on salaries of Republican members of the House and Senate isn’t the answer, John.

  • Steverino247

    I hear they’re filming a remake of Blue Velvet with Speaker Boehner as Frank Booth. Imagine his lines:

    Johnny wants to fuck up!

    I’ll fuck up anything that moves!

    Wanna investigate Benghazi? (Benghazi?) Benghazi! Yeah, let’s investigate it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Funny, when Dubya’s recession hit (the little one at the beginning of his first term, not the huuuuuge one he closed his act with), he made a big deal about cutting taxes and then quietly hired hundreds of thousands of federal workers. President Obama’s recovery was the only one in recent history to work without a net increase in federal employees — in fact, the GOP fought every jobs initiative he put forth.

    Now they’re split — some are saying everything is still terrible and others are saying the most do-nothing congress in history is responsible for everything getting better. They could at least stick to one lie, for what it’s worth.

    • j hentai

      but that would involve taking a position on things that weren’t stopping women from being in charge of their bodies or preventing non-republican voters from voting or allowing poor people to eat.

  • Sheepshagger

    Frigging Boner. Got a ham under each arm but cries about the Kenyan stealing his bread.

  • TheBidenator

    Kaili, not for anything but the DOW is a crap indicator for economic health- using it is like assuming that your heart rate dictates your blood pressure. Sorry, I just get after wingnuts for the same thing because they love to pretend the DOW had some bearing on the great Depression recovery (see Shlaes, Amity aka Moron Magoo). Otherwise, solid piece…

    • Tickle Me Dalek

      at one point the stock market was a great indicator but now with microtransactions and tech company bubbles it’s basically fictional

      • TheBidenator

        It’s never been a great indicator and has in particular been severed from other economic indicators due to capital gains tax reform. It’s a great measure of what is going on with stock trading but not the economy…

  • neckbeardthepirate

    What a prick. Apparently, the only “good” use for all that govt money is to gift it to his corporate owners. Fucking bootlicker.

  • Wow, yeah. Remember 6 years ago, back when Congress could actually pass substantive economic bills to send to the White House? I wonder what happened since then? Oh, right.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    20 best Celebrity Bikini Graphs…

  • blaid droog

    the gif makes boner appear to be suffering from alzheimers and parkinsons. I’m willing to bet on plain old alcoholism. Tourettes would be good too.

  • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

    I noticed that a whopping 195 people out of over 300M was the overwhelmingly vast majority of people who agree with the orange boner.

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