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Did you know it has been six years since President Obama murdered the American economy with his bare hands and some so-called “stimulus” spending? This is a true fact, according to Speaker John Boehner, who is crying — more than usual — about how the president’s unlawful Marxist Big Government spending ruined everything:

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Let’s spend 11 whole seconds Googling on the interwebs to see just how right Boehner is.

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Oh, SNAP, Obama broke the stock market! And just look at what the stimulus plan did to unemployment rates, and how they’ve gone up! up! up! all these years since then, according to some know-nothing government agency that collects those kinds of numbers:

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Let us not even speak of how cheap gas is these days — which for some reason is the best indicator of the state of the economy, as it is a thing your average dumb American kind of understands — because a) that was President Michele Bachmann who did that, YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA!, and b) Fox News says cheap gas is probably bad for the economy anyway.

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Yes, Speaker Boehner, you are definitely correct that Obama’s “stimulus” plan has made everything worse, except for how everything’s better, but that’s kind of the same thing, except for how it’s the opposite. You just keep on attacking the president for his failures — while you’re not busy being “pleased” about all that sweet, sweet stimulus money Obama’s Big Government forced upon your home state of Ohio:

I’m pleased that federal officials stepped in to order Ohio to use all of its construction dollars for shovel-ready projects that will create much-needed jobs.

Oh right. That. Along with all the other Republicans who voted against the stimulus package and then were equally “pleased” about those federal dollars flowing into their states.

Now, what was that you were saying about failure, John?

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