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But it says so in the Bible!

  • Best newspaper correction ever or BEST EVER?Screen Shot 2015-02-15 at 4.23.33 PMHere’s the original letter. It’s quite something:

    Who and what is Barack Obama? Obama claims nobody can stop him or change anything he’s done. This evil must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with. Nobody is promised another minute of life upon this earth, and judgment comes at the time of your death.

    Many support and stand behind Obama no matter what he does. All these people will stand with Obama in judgment also. Christ promises to spew every lukewarm soul out of his mouth. This means very few will enter heaven, because they show no faith by fighting against the sins of this world daily.

    Of course, if you read the Bible, you know that yes, he IS the antichrist. It’s just a fact.

  • Jeb Bush wants to be president, just like his brother and his daddy were, but he doesn’t want to talk about the unpleasant stuff. Like all those wars:

    Jeb Bush, who plans to sketch out his foreign policy views in a major speech next week, said on Friday that his likely presidential campaign would focus on future challenges and not on “re-litigating” the wars his brother led the United States into as commander in chief.

    Asked at a news conference here Friday about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and how he would have handled them differently, Bush said, “I won’t talk about the past. I’ll talk about the future.”

    “If I’m in the process of considering the possibility of running, it’s not about re-litigating anything in the past,” Bush continued. “It’s about trying to create a set of principles and ideas that will help us move forward.”

    That’s nice and convenient for Jeb. Too bad for him we are still dealing with those wars his brother started way back when. If he’s going to be president of the United States (spoiler alert: he is not going to be president of the United States), he’ll have to deal with some of the problems past presidents created that we are still trying to clean up. Invading all the countries happens to be one of ’em. Especially because:

    However, the shadows of Iraq and Afghanistan hang over the Bush family legacy. In a 2013 Washington Post-ABC News poll conducted around the 10th anniversary of the launch of the second Iraq war, 58 percent of respondents said it had not been worth the fight; 56 percent said the same about the conflict in Afghanistan, another war begun on the watch of George W. Bush.

    Yeah, Jeb might want to work on a better answer than “nah, I don’t wanna talk about it” if he thinks he’s going to be our next president. (See spoiler alert re: that’s not gonna happen.)

  • In case you missed it, we’re all a little bit racist:

    [F.B.I. director James B.] Comey shared several “hard truths,” including that: “At many points in American history, law enforcement enforced the status quo, a status quo that was often brutally unfair to disfavored groups.”

    He got right to the point on the racist history of the F.B.I. itself, describing the decision to wiretap Martin Luther King as unjustified — and the attorney general’s order legitimizing the action as “without fact or substance.” Mr. Comey said that he keeps the order on his desk and requires agents to study this shameful period as part of their training. “The reason I do those things,” he said, “is to ensure that we remember our mistakes and that we learn from them.’’

    The second hard truth, he said, is that we all carry unconscious biases around with us and that “many people in our white-majority culture have unconscious racial biases and react differently to a white face than a black face.” As a way of leavening the example, he cited the song “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” from the hit Broadway musical “Avenue Q.”

  • So snorting chocolate is a thing now?

    The chocolate shooter is a cocoa powder catapult that launches two small bumps of cocoa powder into the user’s nostrils.

    While it is obvious that creator Dominique Persoone has found himself at the extreme of chocolate obsession, what’s less known are the possible health effects of snorting chocolate; there is no research on the impact to the nose or lungs, although medical experts are far from condoning this indulgence.

  • Our friends at Happy Nice Time People have some suggestions for who should replace Jon Stewart on The Daily Show:

    A is for Alec Baldwin (D-)

    Funny and liberal… but his MSNBC show ended in disaster after generating no end of bad will at the network and bad press outside it.

    B is for Ben Affleck (C+)

    He’s good on SNL. And it’s an open secret he wants to run for senate someday… unless maybe there’s a chance to influence policy and politics without giving up the Hollywood spotlight?

    C is for Craig Kilborn (C-)

    The once and future host.

    D is for David Letterman (D+)

    He should be free by then. And there was a time he was truly innovative and funny. (Sadly, that time was the 1980s.)

    E is for Ellen DeGeneres (D+)

    She’s got the star power, if nothing else.

    Yup, there’s a whole alphabet of suggestions. Go check it out.

  • Two words: space submarine.
  • Just click this. You’re welcome.
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  • Fartknocker

    I’m sure Jeb will ask his Brother and Dad for guidance on who he should talk to about his foreign policy platform. Me thinks it could be Wolfowitz, Cheney, Condi Rice, Alan West, etc.

    Jeb fails to understand that ending the protracted wars is not like turning off a bedroom lamp.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      But so much easier to ignore in the dark.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      But, to be fair, he is just one of many Republicans who fail to realize a great many things.

  • dshwa

    Titan is one of the places in the solar system we’re most likely to find life, albeit possibly with a biochemistry very different than our own. And it’s easier than digging through 10 miles of ice on Europa looking for it.

    • eggsacklywright

      Io, Io, it’s off to verk I go…

  • dshwa

    “re-litigating anything from the past”

    If only we’d had some litigating in the first place.

    • MrCanoehead

      Oh, this. So very, very this.

      • Msgr_Moment

        Re-litigate and then vote them to Den Haagen.

    • Callyson

      You said it…

  • AntiDerpomeme
    • MsAnthropesMr

      I think that chocolate enemas are a thing. I read it here somewhere…

    • memzilla

      Yup.

  • memzilla

    …it’s not about re-litigating anything in the past,” Bush continued.

    Those who do not remember the past are doomed to be Jeb Bush.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Good luck selling the teabaggers on a Messican First Lady.

    • chicken thief

      HABLA INGLES, FLOTUS!!!1! And she’ll prolly try to cram refried beans and burritos down our throats!

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Just as long as she doesn’t speak Latin.

    • JustPixelz

      They’ll spin it into a wonderful, “legal”, one-man, one-woman marriage. And Jeb speaking Spanish is part of the “Big Tent”. His support for Common Core is because he was “pressured by union thugs”.

  • FlownOver

    I’ll bet Jesus can do a great spit-take.

    • JustPixelz

      Wait’ll he gets a taste of Bryan Fischer.

  • MsAnthropesMr

    How does this Discus thing work anyway? Does it still block all the comments?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yes.

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        What comments?

  • chicken thief

    “It’s about trying to create a set of principles and ideas that will help us move forward.”

    “You know,” Jeb continued, “ending job killing taxes on the 1%, defunding ACORN, and repealing Obamacare.”

    • MsAnthropesMr

      And Benghazi. Never forget.

  • Ikimizi

    So who would you invade, Jeb? It’s Iran, right?

    • My Iranian friends, no friends of the theocratic government in their home country, have the following reaction to that: “LOL, let ’em try it. It’ll be a bit harder than a pushover failed state like Iraq. Also, we really DO have WMDs.”

    • That’s who Jenghazi Jenocide Rubin is hoping for.
      ~

  • chicken thief

    G is for mah main man Louie Gohmert. He can say shit with a really straight face and has a closet full of really Preznitial Daily Show host looking ties.

  • crunchyknee

    I’m late to the disqus. I lost my p-ness. Oh well.

    • chicken thief

      We’re all Ken dolls on disqus – nobody has any pee-ness.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Everybody is always ragging on Ken. How come GI Joe gets a pass on this, er, shortcoming?

        • stevola

          Combat wound. He’s a hero.

    • JustPixelz

      I’m sad too. My p-ness was really big. WAIT. I mean my p-ness IS really big. Present tense. IS.

      • PsycWench

        Yeah, I was sure I was on the verge of 124. THE VERGE, PEOPLE.

      • PsycWench

        Yeah, I was sure I was on the verge of 124. THE VERGE, PEOPLE.

    • eggsacklywright

      Maybe someday Discuss will peen us.

      • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

        Actually, Dicksus runs better than I’d imagined. Go to MSNBC for a real piece of scheisse.

  • JustPixelz

    “I won’t talk about the past. I’ll talk about the future.”

    Except Benghazi and blow jobs. I’ll re-litigate the shit out of those.

    • dshwa

      I’ll re-litigate regurgitate the shit out of those.

      FIFY

  • Hollywooddeed

    I enjoy the fact that with no dad or brother in the White House, Jeb Bush is just another mediocrity.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “just another mediocrity” = “best GOP candidate in decades”

  • Msgr_Moment

    Pictured above: The Antichrist, speaking in tongues. Or speaking while receiving the laying-on of tongues. I’m never quite certain.

  • sorbs

    Jesus is spewing lukewarm what from where? (asking for a friend)

    • eggsacklywright

      The enema of my enemy is my friend?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The coffee enema of my enemy is Juan Valez?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The coffee enema of my enemy is Juan Valez?

    • SterWonk
  • Msgr_Moment

    So where’s the damn Krakens? Huh?

  • chicken thief

    Jeb had to go with his second choice of lines to blow off press questions he didn’t want to take because Scott Walker stole his “I’ll punt on that one, too.” go-to phrase.

  • JustPixelz

    “Christ promises to spew every lukewarm soul out of his mouth.”

    First, eewww.
    Second, the hot souls get rammed down His throat.

  • I needed the last link after watching the video in the second last link…

  • cousin itt

    The Antichrist is made of antimatter, just like Spock in that one episode.

  • JustPixelz

    “This evil [Obama] must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with.”

    According to Bible scientists, Obama is 50% more evil than ISIL/ISIS.

  • JustPixelz

    You know how else is the anti-christ? Pretty much everyone: http://www.raptureready.com/rr-antichrist.html

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      Good. When will they start vomiting green bile over all registered Republicans?

    • mtn_philosoph

      But still … McConnell, Ernst, Roberts and Tillis, The Four Horsemen of the Democalypse.

      Too soon?

  • dshwa

    That letter to the editor sounds like it was straight from a “dear shit fer brains” column.

    And wouldn’t you have just loved to be the person who took the call demanding the correction…

  • addison_da_wit

    I have an Auntie Chris. Because she’s a an auntie, it’s not possible that she’s just the seventh king. Should I be worried?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    CORRECTION

    Monsieur Grumpe’s last 5,000+ posts contain many factual
    errors, bad taste, poor grammar, misspellings and numerous clichés.

    Piss Off

    • chascates

      Fortunately Disquis shows only 46 comments so it’s like you are ‘born again’!

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        It’s almost lie I wasted all that time. Hasn’t the Smithsonian been recording all this?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Relax… the NSA has you covered.

          • mtn_philosoph

            Like a virgin
            Posting for the very first time
            Like a virgin
            With your Disqus now online…

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Yay, it worked!

    So I can exchange my intense debate points for Swiss francs, right?

    • Barley_Brains

      Bitcoin only. Sorry.

    • Thatsit Fortheotherwon

      At about a billion to one…

  • edgydrifter

    He’s the Penultimantichrist.

  • docterry6973

    That guy’s theology is all screwed up. Obama is definitely the anti-christ.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    “Jeb Bush, who plans to sketch out his foreign policy views”

    So, his foreign policy views are going to be sketchy…just like dad’s and bro’s? Fucking awesome.

    • LIT_Fag

      And Etch-A-Sketchy like Rmoney’s.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      What did you expect? He’s a pretty sketchy candidate.

  • Amy!

    The chocolate shooter is a cocoa powder catapult that launches two small bumps of cocoa powder into the user’s nostrils.

    Hmmmm.

    The “chocolate” shooter is a coca powder catapult that launches two small bumps of coca powder into the user’s nostrils.

    Fixed?

  • AnOuthouse

    The correct answer is Amy Poehler.

    • jmk

      Naaah… the correct answer is Jessica Williams…

  • Msgr_Moment

    We have this saying down in Texas Florida. Litigate me once, shame on you. Relitigate me twice…um… I won’t be relitigated again.

  • Callyson

    “Jesus, at least the question I punted on wasn’t about an issue that a president is likely to have to deal with once elected.”

    – Scottie

  • Callyson

    Just click this. You’re welcome.

    Well, shit…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    After eight full paragraphs of batshit-crazy ranting… “Welcome.” Nice touch.

  • weave

    OK, so how can he be the Anti-Christ because the Bible says the entire world goes through a period where the whole world loves the Anti-Christ, who rules over the entire world, and that’s just not the case and the Bible is never wrong so….

  • 0gham

    Obama is truly Jörmungandr the World Serpent, whose breaching the surface of the ocean marks the beginning of Ragnarök, and who ultimately kills the god Thor Odinsson.

    Correction: 0gham’s recent Wonkette post contains an error. He does not believe Obama is Jörmungandr the Midgard Serpent, middle child of the giantess Angrboða and Loki, whose emergence begins the Twilight of the Gods. He thinks Obama could be Fenrir, the wolf son of Loki and the killer of Odin Allfather. He regrets this error.

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