Some “writer” at Tucker Carlson’s interwebs home for keyboard-banging anger bears has made an amazing discovery. And that discovery is that Sarah Palin sucks, maybe?
In a column cleverly titled “You Betcha I Was Wrong About Sarah Palin” at the Daily Beast — apparently because it’s too highbrow to run alongside the typical piles of pixelated garbage at The Daily Caller — Matt Lewis, aka Matt K. Lewis, aka Some Conservative Writer Dude who has smeared his various bylines all over the wingnuttosphere, asks the extraordinary Hot Take Deep Thought question:
Has conservative genuflection at the altar of Sarah Palin finally come to a halt?
Oh, there are a whole bunch of words that come after that, and a lot of those words are K-Matt linking to himself in various dark corners of the rightwing interwebs (plus The Guardian, wtf?) to prove that he has always loved Sarah Palin but also been skeptical but also loved her but also PLEASE READ HIS STUFF.
So let’s jump ahead and answer that question for ya, Matt:
a) Dude, even Bill “Always Wrong About Everything All The Time Forever” Kristol figured out Sarah Palin was perhaps not all that and a bag of potato chips. Like, years ago. YOU ARE SLOWER THAN BILL KRISTOL. Delete your account and quit your day job.
b) It is totally UNPOSSIBLE that if you are that devout a follower of Palin’s career, you are only just now thinking that huh, maybe she is not as good as she looked (to conservative idiots; the rest of us spotted it pretty quick, after googling for 11 seconds) in 2008. Are you really that stupid? If so, how do you get through the day? Who ties your shoes for you? Please see above re: delete your account and quit your day job.
c) No, we do not even believe you, Matt Whoever You Are. Your personal aide who ties your shoes for you typed out these words on your behalf:
Demosthenes, she is not, but there’s nothing new about Palin’s penchant for populism or lowbrow rhetoric. What does feel new is that she has finally gotten around to roundly losing conservative opinion leaders.
Except then that aide — or the one who works the night shift, who knows? — listed other conservative opinion-havers who’ve been rolling their eyes about Sarah Palin for years. Dude, serious and for real, you need to delete, quit, and punch yourself in the face, you’re not fooling anyone, even with your fancy-pants “Demosthenes” reference.
d) Oh, look, here’s the real point of Matt’s not-breaking not-interesting not-news confession that he all of a sudden just now, despite all the words he wrote before on the subject, thinks maybe Palin is not that great after all:
My own career as an author may serve as a microcosm. As I noted earlier, my last book was a collection of Palin quotes. My new book (out early in 2016) is called Too Dumb to Fail, and will focus on how conservatism was once a proud intellectual philosophy, but has been dumbed down over the years.
Clap clap, Matthew Sometimes-K Lewis Whatevs. You pretended to have something new to say about your false idol, the queen of grifting, so that you could do some grifting your own self to promote a book about how conservatism has become so goddamned stupid all of a sudden over the years, possibly thanks in part to your former hero Sarah Palin.
We are impressed, sir. That is some fine-ass, Palin-worthy grifting. You betcha.