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The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! It’s the viral video sensation that’s blowin’ up your teen’s sexxxphone, or it would be if teenagers still used Facebook. And now that she’s done creating a perfect truth echo-sphere, Sarah Palin’s aware of this Ice Bucket Challenge too. So when the owners of Wasilla’s local Arctic Cat retailer challenged Palin to dump some cold water on her head, the Snow Machine Princess of Seward’s Folly delivered.

What she delivered was a deeply odd two-minute video. The ice bucket looks like it was given away at a local bar’s most recent Jägermeister promotional night. There’s a weird product placement (?) for Diet Dr. Pepper, which is the centerpiece of a “joke” that falls just as flat as regular Dr. Pepper. And at one point Palin says, “Then I’m going to show you what my ice bucket is tonight,” while smiling at the camera, which it gave us weird pants feelings. Here, we brought you this video, but remember, we watch so you don’t have to.

Palin ended her haltingly paced Dr. Pepper love dance by challenging Hillary Clinton and Walnuts to do the ice bucket challenge, because there is nothing in this world Sarah Palin can’t tie back to her own vindictive needs. And then one of her off-screen helpers — Bristol? Robb? Hodor? — threw a bucket of water on her.

Anyway, there you go, lil’ Sarah Palin ice bucket challenge for ya on a breezy Sunday mornin’. Nothin’ too much to ponder over, just some food for thought, something you can ruminate on for a while, eh? Like that fancy word? Ruminate is a new part of our vocabulary, thanks to Sally’s Word of the Day, an educational feature you’ll find only at the Sarah Palin Channel.

"Rum-eh-nah-tay?"

"Oh! Rum-eh-nah-TAY!"

We learn 11th-grade vocab so you don’t have to.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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