Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.” Does this mean that Gov. Brewer will get an extended vacation to Gitmo?
Hot damn, we actually agree with the senior, very very senior Senator from Arizona! Something something doddering blind squirrel finds a walnut. Let’s sexplore!
“I believe in the death penalty for certain crimes. But that is not an acceptable way of carrying it out. And people who were responsible should be held responsible,” he said in an interview. “The lethal injection needs to be an indeed lethal injection and not the bollocks-upped situation that just prevailed. That’s torture.”
First off, we now demand that all comments use ‘bollocks-upped’ instead of ‘fucked-up,’ because we live in London circa 1863, apparently. Also, they probably meant “bollixed.” Regardless, when a tortured war vet Senator calls what you do torture, we can be pretty sure that you tortured someone, unless you are Bill O’Reilly.
However, Arizona officials insist that there is nothing to see here:
“Wood died in a lawful manner and by eyewitness and medical accounts he did not suffer. This is in stark comparison to the gruesome, vicious suffering that he inflicted on his two victims — and the lifetime of suffering he has caused their family,” said the Republican governor.
Totally did not suffer, you lying liar ‘journalists’ who witnessed the same thing and reported that Joseph Wood “gulped like a fish on land” for 90 minutes. Nothing wrong with some deep breathing exercises to prepare for the afterlife.
And we look forward to Sen. McCain summoning his courage and irascible wit to help make sure that his home state doesn’t do this again. Man, we would not like to be on the receiving end of the phone when he calls Gov. Brewer!
McCain said he had no plans to speak with Brewer about the matter.
“It’s a state issue,” he said. “The decision is made by the state Legislature and the governor.”
Oh right. Constitutional issues of cruel and unusual punishment should totally be state issues.
But the real, real victim of this is Gov. Brewer and her staff. Because this controversy just won’t die. No matter how hard the inane spokespeople inject their thoughts that ‘there’s nothing to see here,’ the controversy just keeps barely alive, seemingly gasping for new life at every turn. It must be torture for them, ya know? It’s totally bollocks-upped.
Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer), or he will bollock you up.