Satire is hard! Satire is particularly hard if you’re unconscious! So, I had this great idea for a “What If?” column: make fun of that hot new Republican thing where they post pictures of cats holding signs with conservative platitudes on the Twitters and the Facebooks. You know, like Michelle Obama holding that “Bring Back Our Girls” sign? “What if,” I wondered, “Republicans were better at using cat memes?” Because that shit is soooo stupid, right? And so off I went, merrily making “hilarious” GOP cat meme pictures and thinking how clever and smart I was. And then I started type, type, typing here at Yr Wonkette, breaking only to pat myself on the back and congratulate myself on SUCH a great idea. And then it was time to add links and… well, that’s when everything went south. Join me after the jump to feel really embarrassed for me.
So I hit the Google, and typed in “Republican cats holding signs” and… nothing. “Conservative cats with signs” also revealed… nothing. Where did I see that again? WHERE IS THAT? I searched the Huffington Thing. Nothing. I even searched Mediaite, I was so desperate. Um, Buzzfeed? Nada! Finally, perplexed and irritated, I emailed The Editrix: “Help!” I wrote. “Wasn’t there just a thing with Republicans doing pictures of their cats holding signs, like Michelle Obama did with the “bring back our girls” thing? Why can’t I find that anywhere now that I’m making fun of it?” I can only imagine poor Editrix reading this desperate plea and thinking, “Princess Sparkle Pony has finally, completely lost it. Now we have closure.” And then she wrote me back and gently said, basically, no, that is not a thing.
That’s when I realized something: I must have dreamed the whole thing! In fact, now that I think about it, I can even remember dreaming it! I’M HAVING DREAMS ABOUT BAD TWEETS. And somehow that nightmare became totally real in my head. So obviously I missed my calling as a conservative blogger, right? So anyway, the moral of this story is here are a bunch of fake conservative cat memes that I made for no good reason whatsoever. Um… enjoy?
Next time, I promise I’ll come up with even stupider ideas for columns… while I’m awake!
UPDATE: OK, evidently I wasn’t totally dreaming?
Luv, Princess Sparkle Pony. If you’re not asleep, follow me on Twitter!