Don’t look now, but marriage as we know it is crumbling. Seriously, the allure of man-on-dog-on-oak-tree action is running rampant, and Uncle Sam is doing nothing but encouraging these unnatural homosexual unions, and treating gay people like people, which is UNACCEPTABLE. Attorney General Eric Holder is pushing this ‘all men created equal’ bullshit even further, per The Hill:
Attorney Gen. Eric Holder revealed Saturday that the Justice Department would issue a policy memo this week granting gay couples the ability to file jointly for bankruptcy and guaranteeing that married same–sex partners would not be forced to testify against each other in trial.
The book of Revelations clearly states that the Apocalypse will be preceded by civilly married gay couples going broke and filling out paperwork for joint bankruptcy JUST LIKE STRAIGHT COUPLES DO. Repent! Or INPEACH! Or something. Let’s same-sexplore.
It seems that the federal government giving federal rights to American citizens who are married has upset some people. Despite the fact that this policy change only has to do with federal issues and instances where federal law dictates how to treat people, the National Organization for Marriage sees it as the federal over-reach-around:
“This is just the latest in a series of moves by the Obama administration, and in particular the Department of Justice, to undermine the authority and sovereignty of the states to make their own determinations regulating the institution of marriage,” the National Organization for Marriage’s (NOM) Brian Brown said in a written response to the impending action.
Poor Brian Brown is apparently dumb as fuck. In state courts and in state matters, there is still plenty of opportunity to discriminate against the gays. This policy change just has to do with federal courts and federal issues, which seems to be the proper domain for a federal government official. Especially because the federal government doesn’t want to lag behind in the civil rights issue of our day. Who would make such a comparison? Why, Eric Holder, per WaPo:
“We are, right now, in the middle of marking a number of 50-year anniversaries of key milestones in the civil rights movement,” Holder said Saturday night. “And yet, as all-important as the fight against racial discrimination was then, and remains today, know this: My commitment to confronting discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity runs just as deep.”
Well, poor NOM still has a giant sad about the gays being treated equally:
“The American public needs to realize how egregious and how dangerous these usurpations are and how far-reaching the implications can be. The changes being proposed here . . . serve as a potent reminder of why it is simply a lie to say that redefining marriage doesn’t affect everyone in society.”
Yes, it is quite dangerous for gay couples to fill out boring paperwork together. What if there are children present when a gay couple walks into a bank or a lawyer’s office, and happens to overhear mundane talk about how Chapter Seven bankruptcy will affect the long-term borrowing potential of a GAY COUPLE?!??! That child could be literally bored to death, and it would be the fault of all gay people everywhere who are pushing for their special rights to have the same rights as everyone else.
Follow DDM on Twitter (@Wonksplainer), where he is slightly more interesting than bankruptcy paperwork.