In case you’re one of those people who wonders to yourself, Gosh, how could cable “news” possibly get even more unbearably unbearable, heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s your answer: Jay Leno.
CNN President Jeff Zucker said earlier this month that he wants CNN to have more of “an attitude and a take” and to have it compete not just with Fox News and MSNBC but with the Discovery and History channels. […]
Zucker appears to be making headways in that direction by meeting with “The Tonight Show” host Jay Leno about possibly joining CNN after his run with NBC ends[.]
Let’s go to a quick commercial break to laugh our asses off that (a) Jay Leno; (2) the History Channel is Zucker’s inspiration for ‘tude; and (c) JAY FUCKING LENO?
We has a confuse because we thought Wolf Blitzer was CNN’s No. 1 funny man, but perhaps Zucker means he’s looking to hire someone who is trying to be funny, not just doing it all accidental like. In which case, perhaps Leno is a splendiferous choice, because he sure does try to be funny.
Let’s just consider all the trying-to-be-funny we can look forward to as we hold our vomit buckets close if Zucker bribes Leno’s chin hard enough, shall we?
Perhaps we will be treated to more Very Serious Political Roundtables, with Meghan McCain and Stephen Baldwin and Leno’s chin. That will be fun.
Maybe we will be treated to more tales of that time President Bush grabbed his ass, which is a really great story, in which Leno actually said the words “yuk-yuk-yuk,” which, as everyone knows, is comedy gold. GOLD!
And, most important of all, we can look forward to Dame Peggington Noonington, of The Ghost of Reagansvilleshire, being most pleasanted by such a choice, because she thinks he is mahhhvelous at the telling of jokes, plus also he is fearless and brave because he speaks bad jokes to power:
And we know Jay Leno, grown interestingly fearless, said of the new IRS commissioner, “They’re called ‘acting commissioner’ because you have to act like the scandal doesn’t involve the White House.”
Oh zing! And snap! And yuk-yuk-yuk!
And maybe Jay Leno will explain how he is really a liberal actually wink wink, even though his chin had a permanent erection when Ah-nold Schwarzenegger Total Recalled Cal-ee-forn-ya, but he is really a liberal, see, even though, “Oh yeah, during 9/11, I gave Bush a pass,” but everyone was doing it and besides, he made some jokes about Bush, so LIBERAL.
Whatever, CNN. Go ahead and hire NBC’s cast-off if you want. We will be busy watching all that edgy attitude on the History Channel.