Wrong kind of action, soldierIs everyone in the entire United States military so busy sexually assaulting each other — ALLEGEDLY — that they can’t do their jobs, like, say, preventing sexual assault in the military? It sure seems that way.

Last week, we learned about Lt. Col. Jeffrey Krusinski, chief of the Air Force’s sexual assault prevention and response branch, who likes to get all drunk and gropey and sexual assaulty to women in parking lots. But that is old news because now there is this:

A soldier assigned to coordinate a sexual assault prevention program in Texas is under investigation for “abusive sexual contact” and other alleged misconduct and has been suspended from his duties, the Army announced Tuesday. […]

The Army said a sergeant first class, whose name was not released, is accused of pandering, abusive sexual contact, assault and maltreatment of subordinates. He is being investigated by the Army Criminal Investigation Command. No charges have been filed.

He had been assigned as an equal opportunity adviser and coordinator of a sexual harassment-assault prevention program at the Army’s 3rd Corps headquarters at Fort Hood, Texas, when the allegation arose, the Army said.

Um … We have never donned the uniform and served our country, so we do not know all the ins and outs of military intelligence and strategery, but just from a laywonk’s point of view, it seems that maybe the person in charge of preventing sexual harassment and assault should not himself be someone who engages in sexual harassment and assault? ALLEGEDLY.

We know, we know. One bad apple, yadda yadda, right? Besides last week’s one bad apple, that is. And also besides the ongoing investigation of “more than 30 Air Force instructors for assaults on trainees at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas.” So, okay, about three dozen bad apples. Oh, plus this:

The Army announcement comes as the Pentagon continues to struggle with what it calls a growing epidemic of sexual assaults across the military. In a report last week, the Defense Department estimated that as many as 26,000 military members may have been sexually assaulted last year, based on survey results.

But all this sexual assault and harassment and rape in the military is probably just because they let in the gays and chicks, for the first time ever, so we should just go back to olden times, when it was just a bunch of straight and closeted dudes (oh, and chicks, but, you know, not in “combat”), and the people in charge of preventing this sort of thing could stop doing this sort of thing — ALLEGEDLY — and our troops could get back to the important business of making pyramids and invading the wrong countries. For ‘Merica.


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