This will make a fine kindling for burning our witchWell, this is very sad. Apparently, History’s Greatest Monster Michelle Obama has neither shat upon the face of the smiling Baby Jesus by naming her Christmas trees “holiday African witchdoctor spear missiles” nor covered her Christmas trees in hypodermic needles and Stalin. How, then, is a hack of many talents to take great umbrage with the way the Black Queen decorates for the pagan festival of Yule? We will let hack nonpareil Andrew Malcolm find a way!

Amazing how a reelection can reshape an incumbent’s thinking about many things. Now safely ensconced in the White House for 49 more months, the Obamas have decorated the place with 54 Christmas trees this year.

Even allowing for the usual Washington excesses with taxpayer money, that’s a whole grove of Christmas trees.

“We have 54 trees in the White House,” an excited Michelle Obama proudly told visitors the other day. “54! That’s a lot of trees.”

In fact, the Obamas’ 54 trees this year are almost 50% more Christmas trees than last year. That was during the campaign before Obama whispered a reminder to the Russians that he had to be careful until Nov. 6, when a victory would give him more “flexibility.”

Let’s think for a moment what Andrew Malcolm’s headline would be if Michelle Obama did not have 54 Christmas trees! On second thought, let’s don’t.

So, okay, we have a nice reminder that the Obamas are Communists transmitting to Vladimir (duh), an excellent snapshot of Michelle’s grotesquely entitled Versailles tastes, anything else, Andrew Malcolm?

Let’s see: national debt, too many garlands, something really quite unhinged about Bo … ah, here it is. THE OBAMAS ARE GOING TO HAWAII AGAIN Y’ALL. There, they will inconvenience the neighbors by going to Barack’s home state.

According to notices distributed to residents of an exclusive waterfront neighborhood in Hawaii, they can expect to enjoy restricted access and other inconveniences to their homes and normal lives from Dec. 17 through Jan. 6. That’s about a 50% longer holiday vacation than last year.

Anything else?

The estimated costs to taxpayers of this latest vacation foray is in excess of $4 million. The largest single expense is Obama’s 747 jet, Air Force One, which runs about $182,000 per flight hour. It’s a nine-hour journey, each way, between Washington and Honolulu. That’s about $1,638,000 one-way. Their bags fly free.

Why does Barack Nobumer insist on flying to Hawaii like he is the President of America? Something wrong with taking a road trip, President Lazy? You too good to drive your family in a car, to Hawaii? And is Hawaii even in America?

We didn’t think so!


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  • Mahalo, commies!

    • Negropolis

      In the venerable words of former Detroit mayor Coleman A. Young in Hawaii to reporters back in Detroit: "Aloha, motherfuckers!"

      God, I miss that guy. I mean, if you're going to have a crook for a mayor, he damn sure better be a good and entertaining crook.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It might seem excessive, but over 50 of them are "Charlie Brown Christmas" trees.

    • Esteev

      They are in DC after all…

  • OzoneTom

    Hopefully she got them from Michigan so they'll all be the right height.

    • miss_grundy

      Yes, the trees will be to scale…..

    • Negropolis

      Random factoid: Michigan ranks third in the production of Christmas trees.

      The more you know.

      • Fare la Volpe

        True fax: my first authentic Michigan Christmas tree will probably be stolen from my first authentic Michigan side of the road.

        God bless us! Everyone!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's all a big show anyway, since Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.

  • Considering the number of vacays that Dim Witless took, these fuckers can't begrudge an Obamer Xmas trip to Hawaii?

    BTW, the number 54 stands for the number of Socialist Black Panther AntiColonial Communist Nazis in the state department.

    • BadKitty904

      I'd sure like to see the total cost, to the American taxpayer, of W's vacations, now that you mention it. Let's compare numbers, shall we?

    • JohnnyQuick

      Thrifty Mitt would've just surfed there from La Jolla, on a board made from puppy carcasses.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I want to see a picture of the tree with the spears and masks.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Further proof of the war on Christmas, yes? Celebrating it too hard? Now they are just shoving it in their faces.

    • AlterNewt

      …and down our throats.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Honestly I'd pay good money to see my Beautiful Queen of all the Biceps shove an X-mas tree down Bill O'Reilly's throat. Shut that fucker right on up.

        • AlterNewt

          That would truly be a Christmas Miracle.

          • PopeEdgardo

            Baby Jesus would be SO happy!

        • miss_grundy

          Or she could shove it up his anus and I would pay money to see that…without votes…..

        • Negropolis

          Queen of All the Biceps is the new band I'm managing.

    • Esteev

      That's a decent philosophy.

    • finallyhappy

      I think my post last week got disappeared or something. I posted about the 54 trees and the many Christmas wreaths on the White House gates(because I was across the street from the WH on the same day as Mitt's luncheon there). I saw the wreaths- the trees I read about in the Washington Post. And as to the commie Federal gov't- the New Executive office building had 6 wreaths- 3 on each well guarded door- and Treasury had some decorations too. And although Chanukah starts this week- there was not a single dreidel to be found in my view anywhere. War on Chanukah!!!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Hopefully they are big shiny aluminum trees. Those are the best kind!

    • Uniquely American!

    • corthylio

      Some may be living trees in containers. That would be cool in a pinko commie kinda way.

  • AlterNewt

    And the American taxpayer will no doubt be shelling out for presents for the Obama girls, to go under each and every one of those trees.


    • finallyhappy

      And Bo- I saw the video of Bo checking out the decorations- Let's see how long the White House gingerbread house lasts(although made of whole wheat, rye and some other whole grain flour- so probably not to Bo's taste)

  • YouFail4eva

    So, a man returns to the State where he is born and has family, and due to him being President, needs security since's faced, oh, I don't know, 43K death threats since he entered office, and this is now a scandal.

    I think I speak for all of us when I say:


    Thank you, and FSM Bless America

    • Enough about the War on Women AND the War on Christmas!

      Why do we never hear about the War on Terriers anymore? Damn yappy things.

    • That's almost 50% more death threats.

    • PubOption

      Obama should buy a 'ranch' somewhere in Texas. He could even cut some brush to use as Christmas trees.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "That’s about a 50% longer holiday vacation than last year."

    He's doing it to celebrate the fact that he will be serving as President for 100% more time than he was originally elected for.

    • corthylio

      Maths are hard.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I, for one, request a real war on Christmas if the "Christians" are who I am fighting against. Enlist!

    • RedneckMuslin


    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Enlistment guarantees citizenship. Would you like to learn more?

  • Disassembly

    I refuse to accept this Hawaiian druid as my president.

    • Funny, he don't look Druish…

  • Hammiepants

    Covering much, Halfrican Voodoo Queen?

    • sullivanst

      Yes, clearly overcompensating to throw real Amurkkkans off the scent, but the derpers will not be deterred! Just like they refuse to be bamboozled by the total lack of new gun control (and the rollback of prohibitions on guns on Amtrak and in National Parks) because they just know the Kenyan Usurper is coming for their firearms, all of them.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        That whole "the government's gonna take your guns away" has made a lot of money for the NRA, weapons sellers and manufacturers, and various members of Congress they've bought in the last 20 years. When Clinton was in office, every damn fundraising letter from the NRA tried to scare to shit out of its members about how Clinton and his liberal buddies were going to take away all Americans' 2nd amendment right.

  • Malcolm in the muddle?

  • Not_So_Much

    Does everything in his story show a 50% increase over last year? Is he 50% more stupider each time he writes a column?

  • bikerlaureate

    One almost gets the impression that Malcolm doesn't care for the Obamas.

  • Mahousu

    Shouldn't it have been 57 trees, one for each state, ha ha ha ha?

    No, wait, I'll bet that Andrew actually made that "joke."

    • Disassembly

      This bit of frivolity has been included in some of the comments on the article. That and something about the Obamas being "nigger rich."

      • Mahousu

        You're braver than I am to go there.

  • edgydrifter

    Each and every tree is crowned with a black leather glove personally worn by Eldridge Cleaver.

  • Callyson

    Why does Andrew Malcolm hate Christmas?


  • SexySmurf

    In fact, the Obamas’ 54 trees this year are almost 50% more Christmas trees than last year. That was during the campaign before Obama whispered a reminder to the Russians that he had to be careful until Nov. 6, when a victory would give him more “flexibility.”

    Andrew Malcolm, now with 43% more non sequiturs.

    • CthuNHu

      The tone of this story suggests that Malcolm's party registration is Republican — the party of the only President ever forced to resign in disgrace, of the only (so far!) senile hypocritical adulterous lifelong racist centenarian Senator and the only Senator ever known to have solicited anonymous homosexual sex acts in a toilet.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    We need a Jewish president. One menorah won't consume very much electricity, and we'll save millions of dollars on presents for the kids, since days 5-8 are usually lame shit like a pair of socks or an orange.

    • corthylio

      54 menorahs would be a fire hazard, nu?

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        Nah, you just get one of those newfangled fiberoptic ones. They're super classy and not the least bit ongepatchket.

        • finallyhappy

          no way! We all light one and we once did the 8th night at my mom's(we grew up only lighting one). My mom thought 5 menorahs would burn the house down- but those crappy little candles didn't even set off the smoke alarm.

    • finallyhappy

      true- toothbrush, socks, underwear, candy bar(although since m y family are all adults and Giant had Lindt on sale- they are getting that one night), a check and actually the underwear and socks are being bought and donated to the shelter where I volunteer because no one needs new ones in this family.

  • memzilla

    Hacks gotta hack, I guess.

    But do wingtards have neither shame, nor memory, nor Google?

    President of Fail GW Shrub spent 32% of his time on vacation — 967 days! — and there were more peeps about that from a bucket of KFC than there were out of the collective right wing of this country.

    • But do wingtards have neither shame, nor memory, nor Google?


    • corthylio

      That reference is pretty fowl.

    • poorgradstudent

      And I bet those trips were paid using *gasp* taxpayer money!!!11!!1!!!!

    • calliecallie

      But I think the country was actually better off for his vacations. Think how much more damage he might have done if he'd actually spent more time in the office.

  • Toomush_Infer

    "Obama trees, Obama trees,
    Why do those Obamas
    Get to hog all the fucking trees?

    Not only in the summertime,
    but also in the wintertime…."

    -Ghost of Breitbart….

  • It's almost as if the White House is a national monument run by the Parks Service and visited by thousands of tourists from all around the world every year or something!

    • poorgradstudent

      What's this nonsense about taxpayer money serving a purpose other than making defense contractors rich blowing people up?

  • MiniMencken

    I'm sending Andrew Malcolm a big ol' jar of Texas-style red ass salve for Christmas 'cause he is just so butt-hurt.

  • freakishlywrong

    AND the lazy negro also golfs. Coincidence? I think not.

  • I believe Michelle has just answered the age-old question: "If you were a twee, what twee would you be?"

  • Biff

    In my own experience, I find Christmas trees to be relatively inflexible.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Just what I needed, another fucking dreidel."

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yes, but how many leg lamps does the WH have?

  • jaytingle

    How the fuck did you get a picture of my Xmas tree? I haven't even put it up yet. I especially like the bare stalk supporting the outline angel at the top.

  • RedneckMuslin

    He's making them take his bags for free?!!! He should resign immediately!

    The Muslim probably gets to carry on more than 3 oz of fluid.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    George W Bush would have cut all them fucking trees down with his mighty Chainsaw of Destiny!

  • BadKitty904

    There is not enough cat in that photo.

    • or ornaments laying on the floor, some busted.

      • viennawoods13

        I have a new and very frisky cat this Xmas season. I am dreading what will happen when I put my tree up this weekend.

        • put all the non-sentimental stuff at the bottom, (that's what I do) :) They're kind of like the cats' ornaments..

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            Last year, we only decorated the 2/3rds of the tree leaving the bottom bare except for the lights. It was sorta sad-looking. Feline Wadstaff sill crawled up into the bare areas and bent the lower limbs.

          • Cleopatriot

            I use the cats as an excuse to not be bothered decorating.

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh fuck me sideways, this crap is going to go on for 4 more years, is it? I had a tiny , wee, innocent , drop of hope that they might stop since Barry won, but no, the fucking racist, fucking cuntish morons are continuing their vile shennanigans.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's all they know.

    • BadKitty904

      What else have they got to do?

      • corthylio

        Wait for their welfare checks so they can tithe to their Moron Churches?

      • Limeylizzie

        Hari Kiri would be a start.

        • BadKitty904

          lol With razor-sharp votes, o' course…

          • HogeyeGrex

            Garden Weasel

        • Negropolis

          Hari Kiri is a rabbi, right?

    • Goonemeritus

      The Irony is that their screeds about “minority politics” aptly describe themselves, as their views have increasingly proved to be those held by a shrinking minority.

  • sharethegrief

    Just imagine how Michelle could make a car elevator festive.

  • BornInATrailer

    Great comments with that story.

  • skoalrebel

    Hack non pareil? [spit!] Is that like a kind of moonshine?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Since he won the election, I'm kind of surprised that Bamz isn't taking the family home to Kenya for the holidays.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Maybe he's saving that for his last Christmas in office? Sort of a major final "fuck you"?

  • Oblios_Cap

    54 trees = one for each state plus DC, American Samoa and Puerto Rico. And one for Bill Ayers, no doubt.

    Aren't X-mas trees a pagan symbol? Next Obama will be putting up a Tió de Nadal.

    • rickmaci


  • Antispandex

    Well, bringing a tree into the home and decorating it IS a pagan invention, so it's little wonder that the current White House residents want to do more than anyone else in history! I am SURE no real Christian will imitate this ritual.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He's going to have so many Frequent Flyer miles on Air Force One that his successor isn't going to be able to use that plane until mid-2018.

    • There's only one possible solution: He should run for re-re-election.

  • Where is the fundie outrage over Anti-Christ Nobama giving notorious Satan worshippers Led Zeppelin one of the nation's highest honors during this most sacred of seasons?!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      So…has Palin opened her hole about Letterman getting the honor yet?
      To the Facebook!

      Edit: Oh god. Just checked SP's Facebook. My recommendation is that no one should ever do that.
      Lesson learned.

  • Estproph

    So on the one hand, the RWNJs are pissed off that Obamanation has put up 54 trees pretending to be a Real Murkan Xtian ™, and that's keeping those trees from being used by true Real Murkan Xtians ™. On the other hand, I'm sure they're overjoyed by the fact that those parasitic trees got cut down and global warming can keep going for the Glory of Murka.

  • sbj1964

    Warm tropical breezes,Awesome waves, tall fruity drinks,and half naked women in grass skirts.Sounds like a better Christmas than going to the grandparents house,and watching Dad play "That wasn't me" with the family dog.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    All trees were of the variety Pinus nigra, otherwise known as the BLACK PINE. And only found in EUROPE.


    P.S. who knew Latin sounded so racist?

    • P.S. who knew Latin sounded so racist?

      Isn't that pronounced "penis negra"? Must be a thick and tall tree…

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Obama's Dick So Big, he keeps knocking down all the White House Christmas trees with it.

        • PopeEdgardo

          Dick so big, they have to use Airforce 2 to get it to Hawaii.

        • ODSB, he uses it to put the star on the top of the tree.

        • Negropolis

          OBSB, he makes the Mary blush in the nativity scene.

  • …and if they had one goddamn tree, it wouldn't be enough.

  • Goonemeritus

    Sometimes I feel like I am the last soldier on the frontlines of the war against Christmas.

  • second_gen

    Before Mooshell, we never had to spend money on Christmas at the White House. . .

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why no mini-watermelons or fried chicken giblets as tree ornaments? Photoshop fail, wingnutz!

  • In fact, the Obamas’ 54 trees this year are almost 50% more Christmas trees than last year. That was during the campaign before Obama whispered a reminder to the Russians that he had to be careful until Nov. 6, when a victory would give him more “flexibility.”

    So, apparently Obama has reduced tariffs on the import of Christmas Trees from Russia without Congressional approval?

  • ♪ "I'm dream-ing of-a
    spiiiiite Christ-mas..♫.
    " — Andrew Malcolm

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    After we jump off the fiscal cliff those pine trees will look mighty tasty.

  • Why does Barack Nobumer insist on flying to Hawaii like he is the President of America?

    Yeah, you would think that the Kenyan government would be picking up some of the charges as part of their outreach to the USA program.

  • Of course there are 54 trees. Much easier to hide your heroin stash that way.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Ah yes, now we see what he meant when he whispered to Santa that he would have "more flexibility" after the election.

  • An_Outhouse

    Nine hours from DC to Honolulu? That's pretty damn fast. Why are the blahs always traveling so fast? What's their hurry? Someone chasing them?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's the same reason they win all them marathons and other foot-racey things.

  • This is a brilliant move in the War on Xmas by Obama. If they have all the trees in the White House, how will American's celebrate the day Jesus was turned into a tree (by Artemis, right?)? Take that Bill O'Reilly!

  • Almost 50% = 47%, I bet. They can never use that number again; like 666, it has become the sign of the asshole.

  • Poindexter718

    I think the John Birch and the James Audubon Societies can agree that if one of the 54 trees falls in the White House and the Kenyan, Muslin, socialist, deforester is riding around Maui in the Chumwagon smokin' a spleef at the time, it still makes a sound and Haole Mitt Romney prolly knocked it over and the Secret Service should be called.

  • rickmaci

    A little too much Mary Todd Lincoln/Thadeus Stevens, don't you think?

  • poorgradstudent

    In fact, the Obamas’ 54 trees this year are almost 50% more Christmas trees than last year. That was during the campaign before Obama whispered a reminder to the Russians that he had to be careful until Nov. 6, when a victory would give him more “flexibility.”

    Boy, when Obama declares himself Sultan of North America and puts us all into FEMA camps as everyone's property is redistributed, won't Andrew feel silly.

  • PopeEdgardo

    What's that at the top of the tree instead of a star – some kinda Muslin symbol?

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    we must not allow a xmas tree gap

  • AncienReggie

    Fears that the wingtards would cease tarding after the election? Baseless.

  • BZ1

    Wow, the read through of the Investor's Business Daily forums is like Kafka…

  • barto

    Take the train, Nobamas!

    • finallyhappy

      yeah, the Brits and the French have a tunnel – what is our problem????

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but trains is soshulist! Because, you know who made the trains run on time, right?

  • arduinohacker

    hate to bring any facts into this discussion, but regarding the trip:

    (1) The current Air Force Ones, both of them, were requested during the Reagan administration and first used by Bush 41.

    (2) They cost about $300 million each, and are planned to last about 30 years, so that's about $10 million a year, whether they get flown or not.

    (3) The plane flies about 200,000 miles a year.

    (3) The Hawaii trip is then not so much compared to the cost of the plane, and even less, under 3% when you consider the total miles per year put on the plane.

  • malsperanza

    This is my standard response to all these articles of outrage at how much it costs to have a president:

    $500 thousand for china, spent by Laura Bush in January 2009. Yep, as the banking system was crumbling and the people of America were begging Barack O'Bama to pleez pleez start presidenting early* before that fuckwad nitwit broke it for good, Laura was unpacking the new china she had picked out.


  • you know what's fun to think about? all those countdowns the wingtards nannered on about (01/09/13! four more months! 3 more days!!!).

    gotta extend the timeline.

  • BlueStateLibel

    On a sadder note, a depressed Egg Romney will try to make a turkey for Christmas, the neighbor's dogs will eat it, and the family will then have Christmas dinner at the local Chinese place.

  • zhenjiu

    Good Gog-Magog, where does Wonkette find all these hysterically funny commenters??!!
    It's bad enough the articles are excessively risible. I am SO tired of falling off my seat laughing!

  • Negropolis

    I like how we're suppposed to be infuriated both by the fact that Air Force One costs as much to operate as it does, but then also that "the bags fly free" 'cause all the niggras get free/special gifts.

    And, again with the Hawaii thing? I know as it may come to a shock, but people are actually from that state, and yes it is a state, and yes, it's filled with tons of actual poor people, and yes, Honolulu is Obama's hometown.

    But, no, Hawaii, right? **wink, wink** Because, Hawaii isn't a real place; it's Xanadu or some shit.

    • DahBoner

      Bags fly free? So, free ticket for the MIL…

  • DahBoner

    Well, to be fair, there was one point in the election where Obama wanted to drive to Hawaii.



  • smitallica

    When you're complaining that the President has to get to Hawai'i (which, until the icecaps melt, is an island) using an airplane, you've got nothing.

  • ttommyunger

    I would pay good money to have Michelle refer to them as "Holiday Trees" just one time on-camera. The sound of exploding heads across all of Wingnutia would be deafening; and, after all, they're set for the next four years, WTF?

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