Florida: A problem stretching back generations.We almost went a day without a “stupid Florida” story. Almost.

In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn’t matter because Obama got 7 billion out of the required 270 electoral votes.

And as that turned out, it was very lucky, because Florida didn’t finish counting its votes until the weekend after, by which time Romney had already canceled his campaign staff’s credit cards and gone home to wallow in his swimming pool full of gold coins.

And as that turned out, it was quite lucky as well, because Broward County just found almost a thousand uncounted ballots sitting in a damn warehouse. Serendipity!

People are deeply embarrassed over this, right WSVN?

The supervisor of elections, Dr. Brenda Snipes, said this happens all the time, especially when dealing with paper ballots… Snipes noted that it is a routine thing to look for these kind of mishaps after election night and she is just glad that they are now being tallied into that final count.

Ah. Ok. So it’s totally normal to be finding people’s ballots more than a week after the election is over, and “this happens all the time.” Say… this Snipes lady sounds familiar. Could she also be the one who presided over crazy vote-tally discrepancies last week, where minority polling places saw votes disappear? Yes! The Snipeses are the same person! A+, BroCo. Solid effort.

Still, though, they just found a loooad of ballots. Is this not reason for alarm?!

Snipes said there is no reason for alarm.


“I’ve run several elections here, and this election was run no different than any other,” she said.

Well, at least they are learning from their mistakes. What’s that? She’s still blabbering? Well then, by all means…

“I think the difference with this election is that there was a close race between the two presidential candidates, and there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes, count, count, count, so you don’t have an opportunity to check every box that comes back because you got to get what you got in hand and get it out of there, so if the voters would rather that we kind of sit back and relax and then clean up and find ballots. Then I think they would really be very upset.”

It’s not clear that even she understands what she is saying there, but it appears to loosely translate to “We were so busy counting votes that we neglected to count votes,” which is… understandable? At least now they can chill out for a minute and count the votes, which always goes well in Florida. Yup. Never been a problem counting votes down there — that “hanging chad” thing was allll a dreeeeam.

Also a dream: The District 18 race, in which Congressman Allen West appears to have lost to Reasonable Human Patrick Murphy. We are still stuck saying “appears to have,” because St. Lucie County hath shat the bed counting its paper ballots. They’re “re-feeding” early votes cast before election day, because there is no legal provision for a recount, but they still buggered it up pretty bad. We’ll let BradBlog tell you how it’s going:

On Sunday, election officials in St. Lucie County, Florida re-tallied votes from the last three days of Early Voting, citing what county officials described cryptically as “an issue with the memory cards that record the ballots when they’re fed through the machines originally.” …

Following Sunday’s re-tally, both candidates reportedly lost votes. West lost 132 votes while Murphy lost an extraordinary 667, for an overall pickup by West of some 535 votes.

Yes. They recounted a bunch of ballots, and both candidates had net losses. They are just making it up now, which is why we have not yet published our Wonket eulogy for The Colonel, even though we have been dreaming of it since February.

Anyway, it is fabulous news that Broward County has found these ballots, as it can now settle the recounts in its local elections, which are totally legit, still. And once that’s done, everybody can forget about this mess and get back to being mean to Muslims.

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you’re really excited, Rich Abdill is on Facebook and Twitter too.

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  • hagajim

    OK, I think we can all agree that Florida, and particularly Broward County, either have the dumbest, or the most crooked, campaign workers anywhere – ever.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, is it just the stupid Yankees that move to Florida?

    • DCBloom

      Being from BroCo myself, I'm gonna go with that.

    • sewollef

      I'm gonna say yes to that too… allied to the moderate Alzheimers these fuckheads seem to be suffering from.

    • emmelemm

      Yes, and if any non-stupid Yankees move there, the heat and humidity melts their brains after a short time.

      • bikerlaureate

        Thanks loads. I was trying to find a way not to resemble the original remark, and then you had to go and spill the ugly truth.

    • MosesInvests

      Duval County native here-and yep, that's pretty much the case. Combine stupid snowbirds with homegrown idiots, and you have Florida today.

  • nounverb911

    When did Katherine Harris get back from Chad?

    • bflrtsplk

      She was never in Chad. she was hanging with a bunch of guys named Chad.

  • snowpointsecret

    I guess she just decided to Snipe a bunch of votes.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Nice penectomy, Bugs.

    • Lizzietish81

      Its a Floridectomy

    • CapeClod

      A Florcumcision.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    At least Florida voted for Obama and is blue. It's hard living down here and listening to the well-deserved mockery. — A non-native Floridian.

  • snowpointsecret

    “I’ve run several elections here, and this election was run no different than any other,” she said.

    I'm really surprised by this, said nobody, anywhere, ever.

    • PugglesRule

      And her name isn't even Kathy Nickolaus.

  • I don't want to throw my mother-in-law under the bus, but can't we just make it a separate country and send in the UN or something?

  • Boojum

    I am sad for the uncounted votes, in warehouses across this great land.

    • malsperanza

      And the voter registrations in dumpsters.

      Yes, this is what FEMA would look like if it was turned over to the states. Which is why the Founding Fathers, in their wisdom, scuttled the Articles of Confederation in favor of the Constitution, which established a stronger central authority, and–oh, the hell with it.

    • Sally Struthers is filming an informercial as we speak, decrying the fate of those poor orphan ballots.


  • Just another example of what the Republicans always said about the incompetence of government to run things. What, is Snipes a Republican? Proves their point!

    • BoroPrimorac

      She's an African American democrat.

      • From her biography:
        "Because of her extensive and successful leadership and administrative skills, Dr. Snipes was asked by Governor Jeb Bush to serve out the term of Supervisor of Elections in Broward County. She began this appointment on November 20, 2003. She was re-elected for a four-term in November 2004, and again in November 2008. During her tenure in this position, she has held several successful elections and under her leadership more than 30,000 local high school and college students have been registered to vote."

        She may be a Democrat (unable to verify that online from about 10 minutes of searching), but she was appointed by a Bush.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “I’ve run several elections here, and this election was run no different than any other,” she said.

    Now, that's a statement I can believe.

  • Schmannnity

    Don''t blame me, I only vote in Florida. Managerial competency died in Florida with Meyer Lansky.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Arizona sez: Nice try. You used to be the champ . We still respect you, but your glory days are over. Stop trying to cling to the fuckwit championship.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

      • Isyaignert

        Reminds me of Mississippi and Alabama always duking it out to see who can be number 50 in everything.

        No lie, two weeks ago we drove through MS and AL from NOLA to Orlando and stopped at a Subway for lunch in Alabama. We have been to hundreds of Subways all over the country and they've always been excellent. However, in Alabama, the countergirl was a racist bitch, there was horrible country "music" playing loudly, the meat had mold on it and the lettuce was brown. Fuk Alabama they ruined Subway for us – we couldn't get out of there fast enough.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Following Sunday’s re-tally, both candidates reportedly lost votes. "

    Wait. I thought they said they had found, not lost, more ballots.

    • That does sound a bit weird. How can you add uncounted ballots and have BOTH parties loose votes. Of course, it makes perfect sense that it would be the Democratic candidate that lost the most.

      • bikerlaureate

        Two separate (yet inexcusable) situations.

        Broward County found the uncounted ballots in the warehouse – and St. Lucie re-ran some early ballots that had already been run, managing to reduce both candidates' vote totals as they did.

  • memzilla

    Every time I read or write something about Hatin' On The Southrons, and I start to feel the coming on of a whiff of remorse for having done so…. this kind of s**t happens.

    Winning of Hearts and Minds FAIL, Southrons.

  • Lucidamente1

    Snipes added, "It was my understanding that there would be no math."

  • sbj1964

    Florida,or as the rest of us call it Southern New Jersey.

  • Goonemeritus

    You know what else is perfectly normal, getting fired for incompetence.

    • Geminisunmars

      But when that is the qualification that gets you hired, then aren't you fulfilling your job description?

    • I normally try to curb my enthusiasm for your comments but as they say, regretting not more than one thumb to give here~

  • MacRaith

    And Dr. Snipes thinks "No big deal, we screw elections up all the time" is actually an excuse.

  • HRH_Maddie

    If I was as bad at doing my job as Mme. Snipes is at doing hers I'd be fired.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least they found them in a warehouse, and not in a dumpster.

    • Lizzietish81

      Its like when killers leave a paper trail with expense reports and stuff.

      I mean is Florida so regressive that they've never gotten around to making fire?

  • LastGasp

    Whoa Bugs Bunny, don't get all Lorena Bobbitt on Florida. After all, that's Amercia's peen you're sawing off.

  • snowpointsecret

    OT (but only marginally, come to think of it): Congratulations to Alabama, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas for having their petitions reach 25,000! Now wait while we laugh at the irrelevance of this whole thing.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      20,000 of those votes came from blue states.

    • this just keeps getting better and better

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    As someone who was born and raised in Chicago and now living in Tampa, I just shrug my shoulders and say, oh yeah.

    • malsperanza

      This is Chicago libel! Chicago always did a way much better job of grafting elections. You never saw complaints OR recounts when Hizzoner was mayre.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    If only it were that easy to set Florida adrift…

  • calliecallie

    Well, duh. If the libtards won't let you suppress the vote going into the election, then you just have to do it afterward.

  • docterry6973

    They recount some ballots and the total for each candidate goes down. Why am I not surprised.

  • Fox n Fiends

    OT: Speaking of Florida, Jeffrey Loria just went Bain on his Miami baseball team, right after the taxpayers paid for his new stadium. USA! USA! USA!

    • snowpointsecret

      My local Single-A minor-league baseball team is better run than the Marlins.

      … Or most teams, really.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Didn't Huizenga pull the same kinda shit after the Marlins won the Series when he owned the team?

      • Schmannnity

        Yes he did, but he did not extort a $650 million stadium and all the profits from concessions for the next thirty years from Miami's Third World politariat

    • The Gay Lady NY Times gave Loria the sports douche of the year award quoting the Godfather "the man with the briefcase can steal more money than the man with the gun.” And the Godfather should know.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Now people down here will give less of a fuck about the Marlins.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The real problem is the sign on the warehouse.

    "Negroid Ballot Storage Company
    established 1869"

    • bikerlaureate

      White City is just a few miles up US 1 from Port St. Lucie.

  • GunToting[Redacted]


    — Arizona.

    • memzilla

      AZ GOP Caucus Meets, Seeks to Out-Florida
      Florida In Verminous Electoral Shenanigans

      "Must Not Allow Ballot Box Gap," Says AZ Official

  • Slim_Pickins

    Is it possible that some of those "ballots" mysteriously appeared in empty ballot boxes after they were sent to storage? Nah, that could never happen.

  • walterhwhite

    Her last name is Snipes? Are you sure Tom Wolfe didn't make that up?

  • Well Dr. Snipes is a D'Rat appointed by Jeb Bush. Did she have to go to the Lou Sarah Skool of Word Salads for her doctorate?

    • bikerlaureate

      Apparently both sides do do it, sometimes.

      (the "it" here being FlorDuh-caliber work)

  • Wilcoxyz

    Were those votes for Gore?

  • The sun still sets on West.

  • T3rbo

    something about the banality of evil, or whatever

  • JustPixelz

    And democracy is one of our leading exports!

    • ChapterUndVerse

      Yes, now that Jacques Barzun is dead and SCROTUS still thinks personhood is measured in high-net-worth oligarchies.

  • sbj1964

    The 3 most hated people in Florida. 1)A Cuban with a boat. 2) A Haitian with an inner-Tube. and 3) A Yankee with a U-Haul.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Election officials are now trying to figure out why 963 people voted for Al Gore.

  • MissTaken

    Shorter Dr Brenda Snipes: "Math is hard".

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Bugs Bunny in "America Has a Bris."

  • FiscalClifford

    I think Flo Rida should get only one vote, like everybody else. Is this even America anymore?

  • memzilla

    I'm not saying that there's no such a thing as vote-stealing and ballot irregularities up here in The Capital of Libtardia, Noo Yawk… but Jeebus H. Tap Dancing Christ On A Gerrymandered Soda Cracker, we don't store votes in warehouses … and then tell people we store votes in warehouses… and then tell people it's no big deal that we store votes in warehouses.

    • malsperanza

      Right. My guess is that we store votes in warehouses, but no one asks about it.

  • An_Outhouse

    The supervisor of elections said this happens all the time, especially when dealing with ballots composed of margarine.

    "We thought this would be a good opportunity to show our party contributors how much we appreciate their generous financial support. We gave them all over priced, no bid, contracts to provide election ballots. Unfortunately some of our contractors are better at providing food products than election ballots. The margarine ballots tend to wilt in the Florida heat."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Christ, can't Broward county do anything right?

    • Lizzietish81


    • PennyDreadful

      Not really, no.

    • Close_Read

      It's teh stupids all the way down.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Is she one of the Snopes/Snipes of the Faulkner Snopeses?

  • LibertyLover

    OT- Buckle up your seat belts kiddies, I just got a fast-talking robo-call from the same group that has been begging me for money since the Republican primaries.

    Apparently, their next move is to start a new campaign to "Impeach Obama" for "suspected" high crimes and misdemeanors.

    Among Obama's supposed dastardly plans:
    He plans to close Guantanamo!; he plans to give full amnesty to all illegal aliens!, and he plans to give the UN authority to tax Americans!

    AND! He may not even be an American citizen! because no one has physically seen his original birth certificate!

    If you donate now, they will send you a "Don't Tread on Me!" flag.

    As Callyson would say: "oh, for fuck's sake."

    • barto

      Flag made in China, no doubt…

    • emmelemm

      High crimes and misdemeanors!

      • bobbert

        FUTURE high crimes and misdemeanors. Fucking "Lost" again.

        • emmelemm

          I just love the phrase.

    • mayor_quimby

      Can you get me on their mailing list? I never get any interesting crazy calls! Come on, I'm right here you guys, why won't you play with me?

      • LibertyLover

        This is how you do it: You get a Republican Brother, who listens to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News and then donates money to the Republican party in your name…as if that would convince you that your life experiences meant nothing and you are just misinformed and should be voting for the party that wants to shove you back into the kitchen with votes.

        …that ought to do it.

        • emmelemm

          Only child happy dance!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Now I remember why Key West wanted to secede.

    • snowpointsecret

      All hail the Conch Republic!

  • An_Outhouse

    Has anybody, anywhere had an issue with memory cards, no matter what they were used for?

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    This is the greatest discovery in Florida since elastic-waisted pants.

    • elviouslyqueer


  • I love that there's a little stick-figure Bugs in the corner of Georgia that jumps for joy when Florida finally floats away.

  • Callyson

    there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes, count, count, count, so you don’t have an opportunity to check every box that comes back

    So, because there was pressure on you to do something, you could not actually do it. OK, that makes sense…


    • bikerlaureate

      Everybody would be irritated if the count took longer, and actually counted all of the ballots. How embarrassing that would've been for the county…

  • freakishlywrong

    "It's not the heat, it's the stupidity".

  • beezie687

    For some reason, the phrase "too dumb to live" keeps resonating in my brain.

  • You know what else Bugs me?

    • LibertyLover

      Panties that ride up into your crotch?

    • snowpointsecret

      Elmer Fudd?

    • elviouslyqueer
      • "I Dream of Genie with the Light Brown HARE" FTW!

        ETA: oh yours was a mix of cuts.. I recalled Bugs singing at the piano keeping Sam awake while crooning aforementioned tune~

    • DahBoner

      Andy Rooney?

    • not that Dewey
    • Steverino247

      That left turn at Albuquerque?

    • bikerlaureate


  • Hey, remember when the FBI found that alleged al-Qaida cell in a warehouse and it turned out to be a bunch of schizophrenic homeless rastafarians? Guess which was deemed more of a threat to the US.

  • ttommyunger

    I knew a Snipes in HR back in the day. He was a totally incompetent and borderline crooked dick, too. Cooinkidink? I think not.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    In the bad news category, the ballots were from 1992.

  • Terry

    Suddenly, Allen West not conceding yet doesn't seem quite so insane.

    • bikerlaureate

      How I hate to agree with you…

      But the state Elections officials arrived in St. Lucie today, and maybe the right thing to do here is rerun all of the ballots. Sheesh.

      • bobbert

        So he gets his recount anyhow? Hmmmm

  • If Floridians voted with branding irons, they'd sure as HELL know how many…

  • metamarcisf

    Cartman was right.

  • DahBoner

    Floriduh Election Corruption: "We've always done it this way"

  • anniegetyerfun

    “I’ve run several elections here."

    You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • lotusflwr

    I cast 963 lost ballots for this awesome Bugs Bunny gif.

  • barto

    Your move, Arizona.

  • Troglodeity

    I'm all for these recounts if they result in another bisexual in Congress. Other than Allen West.

  • HarryButtle

    "We all want to be Bugs, but we're really Daffy." Chuck Jones

    Somehow, that doesn't seem off-topic at all.

  • Why, given this was suppose to be a very close presidential election, would anyone store the ballots BEFORE they were counted?

    Oh, right, Urban Blah voters. Never mind.

  • malsperanza

    In fairness to the Snipeses of America, of whom I would wager there are at least 3,500, or one per county, I have a sneaking suspicion that elections are not properly funded by some of the states, and – just going out on a limb here – don't have enough staff or up-to-date equipment because of graft, kickbacks, closed bids, political sinecures, feckless indifference budget cuts?

    Which is why federal baseline standards (like, oh, say, minimum standards for ballot design) and oversight of elections involving federal positions would be an outrageous usurpation of states' rights and must be prevented at all costs. Because socialism.

  • "there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes, count, count, count"

    C'mon guys' do they really have to count them all? It would go much faster if we only counted white male votes.

  • Esteev

    – "One for Candidate A"
    – "One for Candidate B"
    – "500 for that warehouse over there."

  • NW_Pinko

    “I’ve run several elections here, and this election was run no different than any other,”

    Shorter: "Please fire me. I'm incompetent."

    • bikerlaureate

      People got over it, the other times. What's the big commotion for?

  • BZ1

    and they seemingly go through life without an ounce of awareness

  • unclejeems

    Let's see. This election was like any other. This stuff happens all the time. And one definition of insanity is, what, doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different result?

    A cynic would claim that they were holding ballots out so they could be "counted" in another 2000-type race, and insure that the right person won the election. Nah, couldn't be.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "“I think the difference with this election is that there was a close race between the two presidential candidates, and there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes…"

    Pressure to count all the votes is why they didn't count all the votes? Clutch performance — in fact, dare I say, a heckuva job.

  • Negropolis

    Hilarious animation. If only it were so easy.

    I tell ya', Wesley Snipes would have put on a better election, and he's in prison.

  • Negropolis

    “I think the difference with this election is that there was a close race between the two presidential candidates, and there was pressure put on everyone, including our office, to get all of the votes, count, count, count, so you don’t have an opportunity to check every box that comes back because you got to get what you got in hand and get it out of there, so if the voters would rather that we kind of sit back and relax and then clean up and find ballots. Then I think they would really be very upset.”

    I guess counting votes accurately is only important in elections that are close. Otherwise, your vote doesn't matter to her.

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