romney, right before his screen saver went onGood news, everyone! Romney/Ryan have no specific plans to ruin the housing sector at this point, which is probably a good thing, given that Mitt Romney has been pretty clear about his interest in ruining education and Paul Ryan has a very specific plan to ruin Medicare and Medicaid. So let’s just all respectfully disagree with Business Insider, which thinks it’s a Bad Thing that the campaign’s white paper on housing policy is basically just a collection of vague platitudes about “too big to fail” and “common sense reform” and blah blah etc, with one little part about how much EASIER it will be for banks to foreclose on you.

For example: here is a paragraph from their white paper, which is called “Securing the American Dream and the Future of Housing Policy”, taken from the aforementioned Business Insider article lamenting its lack of specificity:

End “Too-Big-To-Fail” And Reform Fannie Mae And Freddie Mac: The Romney-Ryan plan will completely end “too-big-to-fail” by reforming the GSEs. The four years since taxpayers took over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, spending $140 billion in the process, is too long to wait for reform. Rather than just talk about reform, a Romney-Ryan Administration will protect taxpayers from additional risk in the future by reforming Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and provide a long-term, sustainable solution for the future of housing finance reform in our country.

Note: GSE’s are “Government Sponsored Enterprises.” Meaning, they are privately held corporations with a specific public policy objective, like, for example, Fannie Mae (created in 1938) and Freddie Mac (created in 1970). After the housing crash in 2008, the federal government bailed them out and took them over, and if this is still confusing, the schoolmarms over at NPR’s Planet Money have a nice little explainer that you can check out here.

But ANYWAY, what will Romney/Ryan do for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? They will “reform them.” How? We don’t know. What else will they do?

Other than that, in the paper, Romney talks about “responsibly” selling 200,000 government-owned homes, getting rid of Dodd Frank, improving the job market, and making foreclosures easier.

Oh ok, to whom will they sell these foreclosed homes? Not sure, don’t worry about it. They will also improve the job market! How? Eh, details, details! But anyway, this is the plan, guys. Reform stuff! Create jobs! Fix things! Less regulation! Also, something about Certainty in the market. Business Insider thinks this lack of specificity is a problem but we are actually thrilled — it means that Romney/Ryan either isn’t super invested in ruining the housing sector, or hasn’t yet figured out how to ruin it.

[Business Insider]

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  • nounverb911

    I read on the internet that Mitt is required to buy mansions in all 57 states.

  • mavenmaven

    He'll sell all the foreclosed homes to the Chinese!

  • TheGyrus

    Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have jack-all to do with "too big to fail", also.

  • CrunchyKnee

    "There has to be a way we can ship these pesky houses over to China for pennies on the dollar?"

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    At this point I kind of wish Wells Fargo would mistakenly foreclose on my house. As long as they didn't kill my dog and cat. According to an amortization table, if I keep paying my mortgage my balance will match my current home value in about 12 years.

  • Sophist[Kochblocker]

    If he told us, it would ruin the surprise.

    …and his campaign.

    • and then he would have to kill us.

    • sewollef

      You mean his campaign isn't ruined already…?

  • The only thing about "housing" that Romney has given any thought too are his dreams of moving into the White House.

    • docterry6973

      then knocking it down and building one twice as large, with a car elevator.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Rather than just talk about reform, a Romney-Ryan Administration will protect taxpayers from additional risk in the future by reforming Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and provide a long-term, sustainable solution for the future of housing finance reform in our country.

    Weird, because they're TALKING about rolling back the minimal reforms that got pushed through. And not talking that much about it, even.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "….make foreclosure easier"? Is that really something they want to advertise they want to do? Geniuses!

    • CleverSobriquet

      The Grapes of Wrath is just communist propaganda anyway

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      Because it's so hard now…? Foreclosure is a state issue anyway. The only way they could make it "easier" is by repealing all sorts of federal debt collector laws.


    • Negropolis

      Mitt said something to the extent that the housing crisis should "just work itself out." So, yeah, this is pretty much his stated policy. At best, this thing is working like it should, in his eyes, and at its worse, it's not working nearly fast enough.

  • hagajim

    He's already said what he would do….let everyone go broke, and let the banks take their homes….that pretty much sums it up.

  • Kill two birds with one stone: Every home in America needs to install a coal powered car elevator.

    • sewollef

      …. lubricated with puppy tears of course….

  • smashedinhat

    That photo just made me puke. For real.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Do the so-called GSE's include JPMorgan, Bank of America and Citigroup?

    • kittensdontlie

      Romney/Ryan want to take us back to the future, when credit default swaps were all the rage..and when Dodd/Frank was just a twinkle in Barney Frank's eye.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Kinda looks like he is reacting from shooting himself in the foot. You'd think he'd be used to that by now.

  • Schmannnity

    Mitt should stick his finger in an electric socket more. That's a good look for him

    • zumpie

      Hee! I was just thinking his bedhead would easily erase any gains the housing market has made.

  • Radiotherapy

    When they lose their houses we can just send them to Emergency Rooms.

  • Limeylizzie

    Is Lady Ann utilizing the bejewelled strap-on in that picture?

  • Callyson

    Jesus, are there any policy details Mittens *is* willing to disclose?

    • PsycWench

      Hard to disclose what you don't actually know.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It's probably easier not to specify what policies you want to implement, since you'll just have to hold the opposite stance a week later, you know?

    • UW8316154

      Mittens didn't ask you a question, Callyson! STFU!!


  • docterry6973

    I suspect the plan involves unskewing the housing market.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Romney, to the foreclosed: "There's always cardboard boxes."

    • Nonsense! There's always hotels!

      • Rosie_Scenario

        Just borrow the money from your parents. It worked for Mitt and Ann!

      • Lot_49

        And for all you 47-percenters who expect food along with your medical care and housing, there's room service! Just dial 8 and ask for a tasty New York steak medium rare.

        Honestly, the things you have to explain to the Poors make it almost seem like it's their own fault.

      • Negropolis

        Marriotts, even!

    • MosesInvests


      • CthuNHu

        "We grew up in a wadded-up tissue in the middle lane of the interstate!"

        "Ah, a tissue! We went to sleep at night dreaming of having a tissue!"

  • I don't want to be rude, but I'm starting to think that Republicans might not be very good at governing things.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It's really strange, but do you think maybe they lack empathy? I feel like maybe they lack empathy.

      • AlterNewt

        Maybe they're just a little colicky.

      • Well, now that you mention it…I've noticed from time to time that they *do* seem to come up a little short in that department.

  • Goonemeritus

    We wouldn’t need Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac if everyone just went to their dads and borrowed a few hundred thousand.

  • kissawookiee

    Far be it from me to bodysnark on anyone, but are those scars under his browline? Like from an eyelid lift? Good on him for creating jobs for blepharoplasty techs, I suppose.

    • Blepharoplasty is condemned by the Scriptures!!!1

    • montreal_bruin

      Isn't that where they enter for a lobotomy? Just sayin.'

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I'll give him this, Romney totally kicks ass at Monopoly.

    • Nostrildamus

      A Bored Walk to the presidency.

  • memzilla

    Romney talks about “responsibly” selling 200,000 government-owned homes…

    "Bain Capital Mortgage Division, this is Mr. Potter, how can I assist you?"

  • RedneckMuslin

    Right. Once you get kicked out of your house you don't have to worry about foreclosure anymore. Problem solved.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Once Romney/Ryan finish the total decimation of the economy (financial, education, environmental, energy, infrastructure, etc.) begun by Bush/Cheney, the housing sector will simply collapse on its own!

    Gotta admire the simplicity.

  • Romney housing plan: With some ideas from Home and Garden you can do a lot with a shack.

  • kittensdontlie

    We should so very much be sweating their details.

  • coolhandnuke

    Income and education are way too taxing on me. Fuck it, i'm going back to bed and count lottery numbers and sleep the new American dream.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Another picture of Romney not asking questions.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Or "being asked" questions

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Romney: Post-coital-interface. Should be going into sleep mode soon.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why would anybody think that a party whose platform is that "all government is bad" would have such difficulty actually, you know, governing?

  • Instead of government dependence, just have your parents buy you a house.

  • noodlesalad

    Homes? Car elevators for some, horse barns for others. Problem solved. Next!

  • SexySmurf

    Mittens secret plan to fix the housing sector involves bombing Cambodia.

  • RedneckMuslin

    I think that microphone Mitts holding is not grounded.

    • ph7

      That's the only buzz Mitt's religion permits; he's not letting go any time soon.

    • CthuNHu

      I think the shabby John Kerry knockoff holding the microphone is not grounded.

  • MissTaken

    Platitude Platypus says "Vote Romney!"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    With all the bad things we have said about Mittens you must admit that he does a pretty good job on his nose hairs.

    • kittensdontlie

      Trimming nose hair, could be his true calling.

      • calliecallie

        Really the best possible use of his talents, I think.

        • kittensdontlie

          Even little Bushy had his brush-clearing business to fall back on.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Plucking those bastards is quite painful. The man has discipline.

    • Negropolis

      He has Koreans for that.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Sadly, I suspect you’re probably correct.

  • After making foreclosures even easier, Mittens next moves are: 1. Make all old people into soap, 2. Blahs and Messicans self-deported, unless they want to stay here with the white poors to serve their corporate overlords, 3. Eliminate that fat fuck Santa Claus.

  • MissTaken

    It does!

    • SorosBot

      Now I has a confuse!

      • MissTaken

        Ruh roh.

  • SexySmurf

    1. Get rid of the Blah guy.
    2. ?????
    3. Profit!!!

  • ph7

    1. Mitt buys all houses.
    2. Americans pay rent to Mitt.
    3. Ann decorates the common areas.
    4. Free apple cider and square dancing on weekends.


  • Mittens Howell, III

    Romney: "Bring out your bankrupt, bring out your bankrupt!"

    Serf: "I'm not bankrupt yet."

    Romney: "Oh don't be such a baby, get in the cart."

    • zumpie

      And lower your eyes and genuflect, peasant!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Guys, stop racking your brains. Here's Romney's plan for everything:

    Kick the ball down the field and hope something happens.

    The End.

    • But he'll end up like Charlie Brown, Lucy will yank the ball away and fall on his ass.

    • FNMA

      I didn't know Andy Reid was one of his campaign advisers.

      • SorosBot

        So that's why Romney called Time Out less than five minutes into the first quarter of the campaign.

    • nounverb911

      Just like the Ravens did to the Patriots last night.

    • zumpie

      That would honestly be too much action for Ol' Mitty. I think his plan is cross his fingers and hope for the best.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Awww you beat me to a nose hair joke.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Needz moar robo-signing.
    It's the burdensome big government bureaucracy that is stifling the foreclosure industry.

  • Wadisay

    Are there no workhouses?

  • Also, something about Certainty in the market. Business Insider thinks this lack of specificity is a problem

    They will help alleviate the Uncertainty in the market, through processes, and initiatives, and they'll tell you what after the election. I can see how this would be confidence-inspring!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    How will Mitt mess up housing? He doesn't have to tell you. He has people for that. Move along.

  • PsycWench

    The plan takes into consideration the affordability and mobility of large cardboard boxes.

  • BartStarrland

    So his Education and Housing policies can be combined as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".

  • One_Man_Band

    Well, I guess I'll just keep renting this same apartment while secretly laughing at everybody who bought a house in the past decade…

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Todays Conservative pundit talking point:

    "If only Ryan would get out there more and act like a total fucking douche-bag, then maybe voters would forget what a total fucking douche-bag Romney is."

    • zumpie

      You watched SE Cupp be an (even bigger than usual) idiot on The Cycle today, too???

      • Mittens Howell, III

        That's the one.

        • zumpie

          Though that wasn't as stupid as when she blathered about how maybe picking Handsome joe was a mistake on Barry's part. Ummm, yeah, that would be Vice President Handsome Joe, to you, missy. Hard to guage mistakes on the winner, dumbass!

  • Release the tax returns hounds!

  • SorosBot

    Before he can reform the housing market, shouldn't Mitt reform his failing flailing campaign?

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, they need to make foreclosures easier; it's not like foreclosing is way too easy right now, so that banks are foreclosing on houses that they don't even own the mortgage on, some of which weren't even mortgaged period, or anything.

  • Lot_49

    "I won't tell you what I'm going to do if I'm elected" = "I'm willing to bet you hate the Kenyan usurper more than you find me distasteful yet still recognize me as a rightful member of your ruling class/liege lord/big moneybags."

    How can such a subtle and carefully-thought-out strategy possibly fail?

  • YouBetcha

    This is their idea of being getting more specific?
    They should go back to fraud and disenfranchisement, it'll improve their odds.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Today, we are all vague platitudes.

  • mbobier

    Cue the Underpants Gnomes song!

  • Caelan Aegana

    Jeebus. That photo scared me so much that I had a laughing fit, and now my cube-neighbors think I am possessed.

  • DahBoner

    Only Romney will bring "certainty" to America's Financial Markets!

    Remember how much "certainty" Bush brought to the NASDAQ back in 2000 when it became "certain" that Bush would bag the Republican nomination?


  • Are there no whorehouses?

  • Cleopatriot

    Won't they just send the foreclosed homes to India, the way they do the foreclosed jobs?

  • dennis1943

    Finally……a picture that captures his…..essence……

  • mr bojangles

    they ll pick you up and take you to the ER, problem solved!

  • valgal2342

    Mitt's make-up is cracking.

  • Chichikovovich

    a Romney-Ryan Administration will … provide a long-term, sustainable solution for the future of housing finance reform in our country.

    We should take Romney-Ryan at their word – it would be uncharitable to suggest they are just stringing buzzwords together.

    So it turns out – as they plainly state in the above sentence – they are not concerned with the future of housing finance, they are concerned with the future of housing finance reform.

    So if a Romney-Ryan administration takes the reigns, we can be sure that efforts of housing reform may never end in our lifetimes!

    I never imagined they would have the courage to state it flat-out like that.

    • Right, but they have some really great ideas for reforming the way that we reform housing finance reform.

      On an unrelated matter, I stumbled, over the course of my Internet research* upon the claim that humans are physically incapable of sensing the fourth derivitive of motion.

      *for pornography

      • Chichikovovich

        In my pedagogical research I've encountered astonishingly many humans who are incapable of understanding the first derivative.

        Of a function of a real variable.

        A constant function.

  • i don't think this guy would be a very good president.

    but maybe that's just me.

  • GregComlish

    As a business man, I can assure that Mitt's vague and empty promises do a great deal to ease my concerns about uncertainty. God, if there's one thing businesses have no way of dealing with, it's risk and uncertainty.

    • docterry6973

      Absolutely. After hanging on by our fingernails since 2008 I would hate to be faced with risk and uncertainty. Whatever would we do.?

  • Warren Beatty in "Bullshitworth"

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Mitt's a pretty big guy, right? He's not too big to fail though.

  • chascates

    Obviously he'll ruin the housing sector by purchasing a multimillion-dollar house in every state of the Union, causing real estate sector stats to be skewed to show an economic recovery.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I work in Marketing now, and this is how we describe products that we know are going to suck. "Instead of just doing X, our product does more than X. We can't wait to show you how."

  • TootsStansbury

    Great Brightfart's Ghost! That photo should come with a warning for anyone attempting to access this site from something other than a phone!

  • ElPinche

    What a honkey.

    • Negropolis

      Honkies are people, too, my friend.

  • Negropolis

    Kris, the vagueness is not a bug, it's a feature. I don't know how you could interpret the vagueness as a good thing coming from Republicans. I know that you are not that naive.

    BTW, this spin off Freddie and Fannie hysteria is par for the course. Whatever they may have done wrong, it's simply a perfect excuse for them to attack yet another publically owned-and-or-operated institution. Go reform BofA and Wells Fargo and the rest of them you fuckers.

  • Negropolis

    Where will we all sleep when our infrastructure is so rotten that the freeway overpasses all collapse?

    We had to destroy the housing market to save the housing market.

  • ttommyunger

    ……says the man born of wealthy white parents who makes 13 Million a year, yet doesn't even have a fucking job.

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