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Artist's depiction -- no actual photos of Michael Dukakis existOne of the fun/awkward things about the party conventions is seeing how they deal with loser candidates from years past! Like, Jimmy Carter, an actual former president, was only allowed to address the DNC via video, so that they could cut him off if he started chanting “Death To Israel” or whatever. But what about whatshisname, the little guy, lost in 1988, never got to be president in the first place — yeah, Michael Dukakis! Him! Apparently he’s roaming around the convention and was even allowed to give a speech of some sort to … people eating breakfast … or something? The Boston Globe article about it helpfully provides zero context, but that’s OK, because it does report all the mean Dukakis zingers! Mrow!

According to the Globe, Dukakis, who was governor of the same liberal hellhole state that Mitt Romney ruled some years later, has a “famously blunt speaking style.” We will take their word for it, because your editor is not old and thus doesn’t remember much about the ’88 campaign (although he did do a bit for his 9th grade shop class where he rapped the Tone Loc classic “Funky Cold Medina” as if Michael Dukakis were doing it, and it killed). Nevertheless, these nuggets do seem to support the assertion:

  • “We know better than anybody what a fraud [Romney] is … If every American voter hears [that Massachusetts was 47th in job creation under Romney], he’s gone, absolutely gone, because it’s the only thing he’s got left.”
  • “Yeah, I know Elizabeth [Warren]’s media hasn’t been as good as it should be, and she knows that, and I think you’re going to see some significant changes.” (Warren’s people immediately denied any such plans.)
  • “Let me tell you something: [Former Boston mayor and current Scott Brown-endorser] Ray Flynn hasn’t voted for a Democrat since he voted for George W. Bush in the year 2000 … The Ray Flynn that I worked with then, and I knew and respected, wouldn’t have given Scott Brown the time of day. Tax cuts for the rich? Repealing Obamacare? Are you kidding me? Flynn? I don’t know what’s happened to him … Change of life, I don’t know.”

Haha, Dukakis says that Ray Flynn is an old woman with menopause! Anyway, if anyone spots George McGovern or John Kerry wandering around Charlotte muttering insults under their breath, please let us know. [Boston Globe]

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