WooooooooHaving all but eliminated legal access to abortion in the state of Kansas and also made it harder for women to access affordable birth control, Governor “#heblowsalot” Sam Brownback can now turn his attention to creating problems for Muslim women in particular, rather than for all women in general. He is cleverly doing this through taking on the very pressing, very important non-problem of judges applying foreign law in American courtrooms.

Fox News (of COURSE) is “reporting” that the law would go into effect on July 1:

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state’s courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes, and a national Muslim group’s spokesman said Friday that a court challenge is likely.

The new law, taking effect July 1, doesn’t specifically mention Shariah law, which broadly refers to codes within the Islamic legal system. Instead, it says courts, administrative agencies or state tribunals can’t base rulings on any foreign law or legal system that would not grant the parties the same rights guaranteed by state and U.S. constitutions.

There is no known case in which a Kansas judge has implemented Shar’iah law in his or her courtroom, by the way, so clearly this is a problem deserving of immediate and sustained attention — and OF COURSE, Governor Brownback thinks its wrong to mix religion and politics and SURELY he is doing this out of concern for women’s rights, duh.

(Incidentally, a lack of specificity means that it might accidentally outlaw Orthodox Jewish practices, but everyone knows that you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs!) Also! Does this legislation really go far enough? Why stop at the law? Why not demand an end to all Arab OR Islamic influences, period! Where can we expect the tyranny of Arabic numerals and  algebra and alcohol to end? It’s IN OUR SCHOOLS, won’t someone think of the CHILDREN?? Governor #heblowsalot is our only hope in ending this madness! Besides, everyone is doing it.

Both the Washington-based council and the National Conference of State Legislatures say such proposals have been considered in 20 states, including Kansas. [L]aws similar to Kansas’ new statute have been enacted in Arizona, Louisiana and Tennessee.

Ah yes. Arizona, Louisiana, and Tennessee. That’s a ringing endorsement — unless Florida gets on board, then it will REALLY be time to move on this issue. [HuffPo]

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  • Kansas needs to go to war with Texas too.

    • nounverb911

      "Kansas has always been at war with Texas."

      • Notice that Texas hasn't endorsed such laws (at least not yet). Kansas: this means war!

    • johnnymeatworth

      Can we wait until Perry's not governor anymore?

  • nounverb911

    Let me know when they ban the Ten Commandments.

  • They need to put these people in a safe place (for their own protection, of course) – at least until a final solution can be arrived at.

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      …Those hoods are there for your protection…

    • Negropolis

      Yes, we do need a solution for Republican legislators. Something involving and electric fence and food drops and such as.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Finally, someone will do something about activist judges that legislate from the burka.

  • SorosBot

    Now is going to fund the task force to protect us all from the boogieman?

    • Baconzgood

      I asked a co-worker, after a FEMA camp rant, if he looks in his closet every night to make sure Jimmy Carter isn't in there to get him. He looked at me as if he actually did look in his closet, but would look foolish if he said he did.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        You should have asked him if he checked under his bed each night to make sure Bill Clinton wasn't under it, too.

    • kingofmeh

      Allah them, Katie.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    yay for state legislatures, where you must be one of the three "R's" to serve:
    Rich, Retired, or that word that gets your comments deleted on teh Wonkets.

    • nounverb911


    • BarackMyWorld


    • Romney?

    • Rumpelstiltskin?

    • flamingpdog


    • Callyson


    • MissTaken

      Wriggling in Excrement?

      Nope, that's a W. I'm all out of ideas.

      • flamingpdog

        Rolling in Excrement!

      • Yes, but it was a classic!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        That would explain the brown on the back that is Brownback.

    • coolhandnuke

      Rump Rangers?

    • RubbingOneOut?

    • C_R_Eature


    • Really bad pirate jokes that exploit anything starting with the letter "arrrrrr"?

    • Butch_Wagstaff


      I know it can't be "reasonable".

    • SorosBot

      Rescue Rangers?

    • Butch_Wagstaff


    • Butch_Wagstaff


    • Butch_Wagstaff


    • Butch_Wagstaff


      I'll stop now, I promise.

    • anniegetyerfun


      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Okay, one more from me:


  • nounverb911

    Needs more tornadoes.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    It was a misunderstanding – it's actually about _Siri_ Law. The governor's not a fan of Apple products.

  • edgydrifter

    Brownback's the kind of implacable ass who nails his own door shut because "it ain't closed enough."

  • BarackMyWorld

    Nothing to worry about, Christians. Jesus is American.

  • And heading to number one in Brownbackastan, this hot number from the hottest band ever ever, the Minarets sing ♪♫ Sharia, Sharia baby ♫♪

    • tessiee

      Didda-budda-domp-bomp, My Sharia…

    • C_R_Eature

      ♪♫ Drop yer bombs between the Minarets (bomp, bomp bompbomp)
      Make the Moooslems Payyeeee! ♫♪

      ♪♫ Brownbaaack don't like it (bomp, bomp bompbomp)
      Rock the Courthouse, Rock the Courthouse! ♫♪

    • vtxmcrider

      They are also releasing a remake (and re-title) of the 1969 Stevie Wonder hit:

      My Sharia Amour

  • OneYieldRegular

    Based on Kansas' stellar record of disregarding evidence-based science, restricting women's reproductive rights, and basing legislative decisions on their concordance with religious doctrine, I'd just assumed they were working under Sharia Law already.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Actually, when it comes to things like teaching science in schools, you might be better off under shariah law than under current Kansas law.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    If Obama was sentenced to stoning under Shariah law, Brownback would be flinging stones faster than you can say '"Allahh!!…ayayayayayayay…."

    • SayItWithWookies

      It's what Jesus would've wanted — "Let he who is without anything but self-interest cast the first stone."

  • If most Kansas men actually read Islamic Law (with respect to women) they would probably vote to impose it immediately.

    • yrbmegr

      So, perhaps Kansas already has Sharia Law and doesn't know it.

      • CountryClubJihadi

        Hee-Hawria Law.

        • MissNancyPriss

          Just spit my diet ginger ale outta my nose.

  • coolhandnuke

    I wonder what Gov. Brownback's position is on the Rev. Fred Phelps and his Topeka cult of lawyers interpretations and demonstrations of Biblical laws?

    • flamingpdog

      I suspect the governor is (very, very closely) behind Fred Phelps, probably on top.

      • coolhandnuke

        AKA the Brownback Mountin'

    • Negropolis

      Well, bottom, of course.

  • yrbmegr

    Well, it's good to know that any contract not formed under any law in the United States is UNENFORCEABLE in Kansas. Suggests a certain legal strategy.

  • CleverSobriquet

    They can ban the tyranny of Arabic influence when they pry the hashish from my cold stoned fingers

  • ♪ Everything's up to date in Kansas City…♫

  • barto

    Does he handle snakes, too, by any chance?

    • SorosBot

      You mean like this former moran?

      A "serpent-handling" West Virginia pastor died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual, just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before.

      • Rotundo_

        Just called to Juhhh Heeeeeeezzzzzzzzusssssssss! a little early by a diamondback rattler. I suppose he was bellerin' in tongues and no one noticed the snake bite on the jugular vein until he keeled over. Brother Doofus is with Juhhhhhh Heeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzusssss! now.

      • emmelemm

        'S God's plan, oh yes.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Some people never learn. But, then again, "having faith" often means not havin' to learn nuthin'.

      • I thought I was going to pee in my pants when I read that. What a maroon.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If you're referring to Kansas state legislators, yes.

  • yrbmegr

    Kansas becomes the divorce capital of the world as estranged couples from foreign countries flock to Kansas to have their marriages nullified.


  • Goonemeritus

    Thank God one State has the common sense to protect our union from the pernicious influence of foreign legal traditions. I for one have just about had enough of those damn fog breathers and their Magna Carta. And only 200 years after the war of 1812.

    • emmelemm

      "Fog breathers"?

      That's a new one on me.

    • SorosBot

      And what's with using those foreign concepts like English common law and Roman trial by jury?

      • WIDTAP

        Personally, I blame the Greeks and their furin' notion of democracy.

  • LiberalMantra

    Last I heard, after his sermon from Brownback Mountain, he was hollering "let my people go" and making the burka a male-only garment.

  • Chichikovovich

    It's a good start, but I think Kansas shouldn't rest until they've banned the practice of all religions that originate in the Middle East.

    • Rotundo_

      That might run afoul of the seperation of church and state: It would in effect only allow Pastafarianism (as FSM first laid his noodly appendages on his disciples in Kansas). Okay, it might allow Mormonism because Joseph Smith pulled it out (oops!) was visited by the Archangel Moroni here in these here United States here.

      • Chichikovovich

        Goddess Shakti would like a word with you. After Shiva's finished.

        • C_R_Eature

          Trimurti are coming and boy are they pissed.

      • UW8316154

        But Smith was from New York, and that's a right fancy place to be from, if you're in Kansas. Joseph Smith ==> eleeet.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This just doesn't seem kosher.

  • flamingpdog

    From Fox News: Rep. Scott Schwab, an Olathe Republican, acknowledged that the measure merely "made some people happy" and that a vote against it could be cast politically as a vote in favor of Shariah law.

    "Am I really concerned that Shariah law is going to take over the Kansas courts? No," he said. "I'm more concerned about getting jobs to Kansas."

    That's a switch – usually Fux News is calling a Republican a Democrat!! Wait, huh?

  • Baconzgood


    (sorry. Baconz is on his mobile and can't look up how to spell in in German)

    • C_R_Eature


      And, sweet Jesus I hope not.

    • Let's see:

      White male minority fearful of losing their undeserved political power? Check
      Economic malaise because of idiotic wars? Check
      Political deadlock? Check
      Scapegoating socialists and religious minorities? Check
      Mouthbreathing useful idiots in uniform on the streets supporting the fascist agenda? Check

      Welcome to Weimar America, Baconz, if the Capitol Building happens to burn down you can find me on the first plane outta here

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        *sigh* I don't even want to think about that too much. I mean, I hated having to wear patches on even my Cub Scout uniform.

  • C_R_Eature

    They keep on promising us that they all will be Raptured up to Heaven, leaving the world alone to progress in peace. Yet they never do.

    I'm getting tired of waiting.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      No shit. I've had my eyes on some nice real estate here in town for the past few years. And it would come fully furnished, too.

      • C_R_Eature

        Cars, boats and RV's too. I wish there was something else we could do to hurry the whole process up. I'm sinning as fast as I can.

  • Please, like there are any Orthodox Jews in Kansas.

    • Where do you think Kansans get good deals on nice diamonds????

      • Chichikovovich

        I thought the state motto was "Kansas: Where People Pay Retail"

    • Ryy

      Sometimes they fly over

    • Negropolis

      Suburban Kansas City libel!

  • OT, but speaking of Sharia Law – when are the TWO contests going to be settled here. I submitted a ton of those "I'm with Mitt" things and I'm waiting for my eternal glory!

  • Schmannnity

    Fuck that ENGLISH common law.

  • rickmaci

    No long robes and masked head coverings UNLESS they are white, the head piece is cone shaped, it's night time and you are standing next to a flaming cross.

  • Baconzgood

    This is why when I stay in KC I always get a hotel in KCMO and not KCK.

    FYI KCMO has a better music scene. Seasons To Risk came from there.

    • Puffperney

      Very true! BB's Lawnside BBQ & Blues is not to be missed in KCMO.

  • Exhausted66

    Last week he exempted every business owner from any taxes.
    Time to start a Sharia Law Firm in Kansas for all of the tax bennies.

  • C_R_Eature

    "Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state’s courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes…"

    Hey…Isn't the "Ten Commandments" a Foreign Legal Code?

    Protect us from that Alien Religious Law!

  • Generation[redacted]

    This law makes gay marriage legal.

    • Chichikovovich

      OK, comment of the week right there. All that talk about how marriage laws are based on "2000 year old traditions" looks pretty suspicious right about now.

  • Baconzgood

    Now wrap your fucking head around this….brace your selves and take a shot of booze…Kansas has alotta war heads that can vaporize many people.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    We have some sort of Sharia law here in Utah I think. It's why car dealerships can't sell cars on Sunday.
    Wait, What? That was the Mormons?

  • TribecaMike

    You ever get the feeling that this anti-Sharia stuff isn't just about demonizing Muslims, but also about anti-semites finding a backdoor way of banning kosher laws? Same result.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Has anyone told Brownback about Halal yet?

      • TribecaMike

        I doubt it. They don't call him "Porky" for nothing.

  • poorgradstudent

    Why can't libs counter with laws against evangelical law? Unlike this it wouldn't be a meaningless gesture.

  • C_R_Eature

    Wait until Kansas figures out they've banned a host of Laws people use every day. Laws from Babylon, Greece and (gasp) Persia.


    Time to burn those Math textbooks, Brownback. You know you want to.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      You mean Kansas hasn't already burned their Math textbooks? I thought they did that after they burned all the Biology textbooks.

      • C_R_Eature

        You're probably right and that sounds like the exact order they'd Burn them in. Social Studies and Civics texts first, BTW.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          All they need is one textbook. It's the Jesus one.
          Chapter titles?
          Chapter One: Jesus Makes The World.
          Chapter Two: Jesus Teaches Cavemen To Ride Dinosaurs And How To Turn Them Into A Nice Bar-B-Que.
          Chapter Three: Incest.
          Chapter Four: The World Gets A Little Soggy.
          Chapter Five: Incest.
          Chapter Six: Moses Mad!
          (A few boring chapters)
          Chapter Eleven: Guess What Happens to Mary?
          Chapter Twelve: Jesus, Where You At?
          Chapter Thirteen: Jesus Has An Unfortunate Experience With A Mob, A Piece Of Wood, And Nails.
          Chapter Fourteen: John of Patmos Does Acid.
          Chapter Fifteen: Jesus Founds America By Writing The Constitution.

          • C_R_Eature

            This is great. As concise a summary of modern American Fundamentalist myth making that I've seen.

            Reminds me of Jesus: The Missing Years. Enjoy.

  • chascates

    Catholic women wearing scarves to mass had better be prepared to be profiled as Muslims. I can't imagine any Sikhs that live in Kansas but if they do at least the men carry a big-ass knife to defend themselves against the Kansas Purity Police. Soon Afghan dogs will be in danger. And we thought 'Bloody Kansas' was gone 150 years ago.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'll never forget the story of the Sikh guy who was shot & killed right after 9/11 because some dumbass thought he was Muslim because he was wearing a turban.

    • Negropolis

      Nuns are in real trouble, what with their bad habits and all.

  • C_R_Eature

    Who could imagine that they would Freak Out Somewhere in Kansas?

    It can't happen here!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      On a Zappa kick, huh?
      I approve.

      • C_R_Eature

        Often. And thanks!

  • Naked_Bunny

    Islamic or other foreign legal codes

    At least they won't be trying to put the Ten Commandments in public buildings anymore.

  • I'm proposing a law: you wear a burqua with croqs – you go to jail – directly to jail.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Those are actually niqaab and sandals, but it's still a rather unflattering get-up.

    • tessiee

      How about just, if you're wearing crocs (and don't need to wear them for your job), you go directly to jail?

  • anniegetyerfun

    I am 100% comfortable with outlawing religious laws and legal codes in America courthouses. As long as it applies to every religion.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Kansas' resident clergy just doesn't want the competition — there are only so many underage boys to go around, after all.

  • Negropolis

    There is no known case in which a Kansas judge has implemented Shar’iah law in his or her courtroom…

    There is also no known case of a Muslim living openly in Kansas.

  • Ryy

    Someone should write a book about what is wrong with Kansas. Hmmm…. snappy title!

  • Part of me thinks letting Sammy and his little friends deal with these non-issues is preferable to letting them get involved with actual grown up stuff. There are good reasons for why we let children play with plush toys instead of particle accelerators.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Which one of those two people in the picture is Brownback? One of them has to be Brownback, since the story is about him. Is he the short one in the cute little blue shoes?

  • TribecaMike

    The etymology of "Brownback" needs to be investigated, though any first grader could figure it out right away.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    When is that fucking bastard God going to get off of his lazy ass and Rapture™ these fucks? Seriously, I'll take the anti-Christ any day of the week over these fucking Christians any day of the week.

  • ttommyunger

    People like Brownback gives white morons a bad name.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I wonder what this means for all the Jeebus-based anti-abortion laws in Kansas.

  • Pithaughn

    Huh, if I didn't know better I'd say these R lawmakers are trying to distract voters from how crappy the economy and job prospects are while they are in office, to create jobs from thin air, aka tax breaks for people ( corporations) that hire workers out side of the US.
    Ha, of course I know better. Pith was born in the afternoon but not yesterday afternoon. Yesterday afternoon Pith was picking Bing cherries. Now that is a real job, pretty hard to hire a 14 year old Chinese girl to pick the cherries in the yard.

  • owhatever

    No law in Kansas but that handed down by the Four Fathers, the Book of Mormon, and Archie and Jughead. Betty and Veronica (pictured above) do not get to vote on this because they are only women.


    So much for Rabbinical court divorces and Catholic annulments!

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