"Go to sleep"Does Michele Bachmann lie in bed at night thinking up clever new ways to drop casual racism into her bon mots? Well, what else would she be doing in bed? First, Michele drops a little polling science on Bob Schieffer. What happened in 2010, Michele? “In 2010 women went Republican instead of Democrat and they will this time as well.”

But Schieffer, weirdly, pushed back! “With all due respect, Congresswoman,” he said, “the polls do not suggest that.”

“Well the polls showed,” Bachmann riposted, “and the ballot box showed in 2010, women went with the Republican.” 2010 today, 2010 tomorrow, 2010 for ever! That is just how elections work, she rests her case! But why will they go with Daddy Warbucks this time? Blah blah blah Bachmanncakes, “With all due respect to the president, he’s not competent to deal with the economy,” Bachmann said. “Mitt Romney is competent in spades.” No no no, Congresswoman. Mitt Romney is not black, he is Messican.

Here, watch Michele Bachmann’s eyes twirl around their sockets like Kaa, the snake in The Jungle Book.


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  • Barb

    And I am calling a dumb cunt a dumb cunt.

  • Barb

    Is Michele hoping to be the VEEP choice? I'm pretty sure that conservative Mitt is going to ask liberal Mitt to be his running mate. It's two, two Mitts in one!

    • James Michael Curley

      One is a breath Mitt the other is a laxative Mitt.

      • Barb

        Someone got the joke! I feel good now.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I'm pretty sure his species reproduces by mitosis, so if you've seen him eating a lot lately, you'll see him split off a veep any day now.

      • Boojum

        Is that what they mean by "sister-wives?"

      • James Michael Curley

        That may happen. Unfortunately along the way Mitt is experiencing a reverse mitosis of the Cerebral cortex. This phenomena has only previously been observed in amoeba, some jelly fish and drill sergeants.

      • redarmyzombie

        That's odd, I could have sworn they came from pods on the solar winds….

  • nounverb911

    I thought Bachmann was only activated by the Queen of Diamonds.

    • Leave Marcus out of this.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Ole Crazy Eyes is really more like the Queen of Hearts – a word means precisely what she says it does; no more and no less.

    • glasspusher

      Queen of Diamonds (noun): Gingrich, Callista

  • "Women are intelligent and competent…"

    except apparently when it comes to making decisions about their health care which their bosses are more competent to make and also they don't deserve equal pay because men are the head of the household.

    • Callyson

      "Women are intelligent and competent…"

      Which is why, contrary to what Crazy Eyes would have us believe, they did *not* vote overwhelmingly for the Reeps in 2010–it was only by a slight margin, and it was when they were smart enough to claim that they were going to focus like a laser on jobs…

  • mavenmaven

    She meant "poles", a subject Marcus thinks a lot about.

  • AlterNewt

    I'm sure that she's a very nice woman and I wish her all the best.

    • boobookitteh

      Bless her heart.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        I'll be praying for her.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Even though republicans have no hearts, someone should club this bitch.

    • nounverb911

      Cheney does seem to have Breibart's now.

      • Cheney does seem to have Breibart's now.

        Knowing Cheney, I figured it was from an Iraqi child or one went "missing" from Walter Reed.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      What is this, a bridge game?

      • nounverb911

        "Why don't you pass the time with a game of solitaire?"

      • She's always waiting for Marcus to deal her in, unaware he's just not that into poke'er.

      • not that Dewey


      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The Dems never seem to figure out that the GOP has a void in hearts.

  • Really? She didn't a call a spade a "fucking nearer"? Then I applaud her new sense of sensitivity and diversity.

  • Come here a minute

    Michele Bachmann is not playing with a full deck.

  • She also believes Marcus is not gay and does not sleep with her because he is very tired after spending hours of research on

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      He was just going there for instructions on how to get away from there!

  • James Michael Curley

    When will this alleged Congresswoman take her rightful place as the Supreme Matron of the Alabama Eastern Star? Her intellectual capacity extends to being able to separate the chocolate frosted cupcakes from the vanilla frosted ones and smile sweetly while her male cohorts screw the 'common folks on that side of the tracks".

    • NellCote71

      Your move, Texas. Or rather, our move, since I am Texican.

  • freakishlywrong

    Arizona just defunded Planned Parenthood. Old, dried up Governor signed it. Arizona may become a swing state. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I swear, do you think PresO called her and thanked her for making his election campaign a tidge easier in AZ? Jan is a gift, I tells ya!

    • But Michele Bachmann says there is no war on women! I CAN"T HEAR YOU BOB SCHIEFFER LAALALALALA *plugs ears* *draws hair like curtains over her face*

  • FakaktaSouth

    FIRST of all – SOMEONE needs to teach this cunt the google – according to the first 10 articles I found, she's not only a wannabe racist fucktard, she is a fucking dumbass lying liar – even during the TeaParty Revolution of the like 29% of the total population that voted, women weren't all of a sudden a HUGE repub majority, or a majority at all –

    according to the first abc article I found, she can brag about OLD women, but that's it –

    "Women are voting 49-49 percent for Democratic vs Republican House candidates. President Obama won women by 13 points in 2008. This is the best for Republicans among women in national House vote in exit polls since 1982. Young women favor Democrats for the House, (61 percent Democrat to 36 per cent Republican among women 18-29 years old) but the gap closes for the 30-64 age group (64 percent of women), and reverses for women over 65 (41 per cent Democrat vs. 57 per cent Republican)."

    • Chichikovovich

      "And among women who had an over 50% actuarial likelihood of dying before November 2012, the Republicans did even better! Be afraid, Obummer!"

    • fartknocker

      In the Fartknocker household, there's me, my 51 year old wife, and 2 daughters, both whom were raised as Democrats. Daughter 1 is a nurse and her husband is deployed in Afghanistan. Daughter 2 is working towards her MS in Chemical Engineering. We all sat around the Sunday dinner table yesterday and concluded that the current misogynistic strategy and Planned Parenthood attacks has pissed them off and damn near everyone of their female counterparts to the point they will vote for our current President over the current GOP candidate.

      If Michelle's strategy is to foster votes from really old conservatives, she should keep it up. In my house, the conservative and compassionate females have extremely well calibrated bullshit detectors.

    • GOPCrusher

      She's just sticking to the Tea Bagger Talking Points, that clearly state that the President will be replaced and a solid majority of the Senate and House will also be in Republiklan hands, ushering in the new Golden Age of America.
      And if they don't do it with votes, then the Hand of God will come down from Heaven and make it so.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I have been meaning to tell you forever how amazingly happy your avatar makes me.

        Also, I like to imagine that if the hand of God ever truly did come down, it would slap the shit out of Michele Bachmann. Just POW – right in the kisser.

        • AlterNewt

          I love you more and more each day.

  • Arkoday

    Poor woman must have been vaccinated against HPV. That explains why she's …why she suffers from…why… OH DAMN IT, REBECCA!! Why her ignition timing is off? Nevermind.

    • not that Dewey

      …why we have to take the speed of light into account.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Because Bachmann is so far out there?

  • She1ey just tossed a bigger word salad than Lou Sarah's previous best. Wasilla's Wombatty, a new bar has been set at the Thuglican buffet, are you ready?

  • Schmannnity

    Her next dog whistles:

    Obama's monkeying with the economy for three and one-half years has not worked.

    Mitt's a coondog that can hunt.

    Mitt can win–he's no dark horse candidate.

    Obama's "chuck a spear against the wall and see if it sticks" economic plan is a failure.

    • Obama's tap-dancing around his failures.

      Too. Also.

    • rickmaci

      The Obama Administration economic policies are nothing but a minstrel show.

      • He's just shucking and jiving.

    • Obama is promising us a fried chicken in every pot.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      The Administration knows that the jig is up.

      • JohnyEdge

        Mick libel!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Environmental on the outside, communist on the inside. Watermelon! (oh wait, they've been using that one for years)

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Mitt Romney won't re-nig on his promises.

    • JerkCade

      Obama's housing policies have ruined our neighborhoods.

    • This cotton picking president….

  • Talking Point salad, anyone? If anyone isn't still hurling from having read the Newt-speedo comment last thread back just avoid looking into She1ey's eyes around the 3:58 mark. You're welcome!

    • widestanceromance

      I refuse to watch her speak. I am afraid to perceive her with more than one sense at a time.

      Also, these clowns (Bachmann, Santorum, Gingrich, etc.) ooze Talking Point Slime. It just slides out of them.

    • James Michael Curley

      Newt and Speedo in the same phrase will go a long way to helping me stay on my diet this year.

  • SorosBot

    Yep, women are going to vote for the party that wants to force them to be second-class citizens whose wombs are government property; that makes sense.

    • freakishlywrong

      Wingnut Wimmen' will Soros. They're all Phyllis Schlafly now! Fortunately, they don't reproduce any more.

      • HistoriCat

        You mean the 27%-ers? The folks who still approved of W's job approval throughout 2008?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Romney is "competent in spades"? What…he was an effective overseer? Did an ancestor work for Tom Jefferson?

    I hate this cunt with the heat of a 1000 suns. I can't wait for Marcus to get caught with a rentboy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This reminds me, the new bitch I adopted, I need to get her spayed.

  • prommie

    Let us not speak of the Prez's competence, let us speak of Paul Coocoo-bannanas Ryan's shiny-eyed competence.

  • sharethegrief

    Thorazine fail.

  • JustPixelz

    "Mitt Romney is competent in spades."

    It could be that Romney is competent "in spades" when it comes to the economy. But he has promised the Tea Party he'd set aside those abilities. Instead he will be Bush's third term: more deficit-aggravating tax cuts, more inequity, less financial and physical safety regulation, more unfunded wars.

    Let's put it this way: For Mitt, corporations are people and they need single payer, government insurance so they don't get sick.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Mitt has very good relations with the spades.

  • Radiotherapy

    Lemmy tell ya' The Ace of Spades.

    • HarryButtle

      Lemmy / Lemmy's Big Hairy Mole 2012!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Oh, Bob. Good on you for trying.

  • DaRooster

    “With all due respect to the president, he’s not competent to deal with the economy,” Bachmann said.

    Yeah, unlike the guy before him… you know the one who bankrupted every thing he ever touched (like my nation). After all, the President doesn't get to have anyone help him on any issues… like advisers or something.

    • freakishlywrong

      And "with all due respect" has become utterly meaningless with their ilk. Fuckers.

      • DaRooster

        "… and he's a blah negro… not that there is anything wrong with that."

  • Steverino247

    Who does she blow to get booked on these programs? Seriously, they have to know she's batshit crazy. Do they do it for laughs or something? It's just cruel.

    • Radiotherapy

      You mean cruel to us? Amirite?

      • Steverino247

        That depends. If she's not disturbed, it's cruel to us to put her on TV as if she has something meaningful to say. If she's truly disturbed, it's cruel to her, too. Either way, we lose.

    • GOPCrusher

      You have to give Michele credit, she will actually go off the Fox farm and do interviews.
      She just thinks that they are laughing with her instead of at her.

  • Bachmann-speak: “Mitt Romney is competent in spades.”

    English translation: Mitt Romney is a dumb as I am.

  • Baconzgood

    I really do miss her.

  • flamingpdog

    Why is this women still on the Sunday morning news talk shows? WHY is this woman still on the Sunday morning news talk shows??? When Ron Raygun emptied out the mental hospitals, was there some clause that mandated (no Marcus jokes here, please) that schizophrenics had to be on Sunday morning news shows????

    Fortunately I'm on a fast ahead of oral surgery at 2 PM, so there's nothing to vomit after listening to 4 minutes of her oral drivel.

    • freakishlywrong

      Because we are a "center-right" nation and she currently represents that "centrist" viewpoint, don'tchaknow.

  • chascates

    So public discourse has descended to the point where a half-wit bible thumper gets media attention (see also Allen West, Louie Gohmert, et. al) lies about the economy and women's rights?

  • crybabyboehner

    If she could afford a real snake, do you think she would be appearing on a show like that?

    She is a replicant, for Chrissake!

  • cheetojeebus

    oh, for christ's sake, just shut the fuck up.
    I can't believe I wasted a minute and a half listening to this cunt.

  • metamarcisf

    Also, Tracy Morgan is competent in spades, too.

  • proudgrampa

    What chutzpah!

    Now that she has no chance of winning, like Santorum, I am enjoying watching all the ex-candidates and their fucking political party implode.

  • littlebigdaddy

    So she's just saying don't renig?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Please stop inviting this woman to be on serious news shows. I know there's a good chance she'll say something crazy and get your show some free publicity, but so would bringing back Connie Chung and slipping her some LSD.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    Don't hate Michele. Hate the people who vote for her, the party that so values her useful idiocy, and the degraded system that prevents anyone with any credibility and influence from saying what needs to be said about her and everyone like her: That she is nothing more than a cute little sticker that covers the conservatives' true agenda. Which is: "Fuck you all, fuck your kids, fuck the planet, I love money and status and I'm gonna get as much as I fucking well can." That is it. Full stop. That's their entire agenda. If you think I'm being unfair, make friends with a few wealthy conservatives and they'll flat tell you themselves, eventually.

    • This is why I kind of admire the conservatives here in Maryland — they're so baldly greedy. They also tend to be a little nuts, which is why I wonder how they're making so much money.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I still want to do an awesome video of ABBA's Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (a man after midnight) starring Michele and Marcus Bachman. I think a scene where they're both singing the chorus and staring lustfully at the same well-muscled and incredibly hung multi-ethnic guy (I'm thinking someone like Coby Bell, Mark Dacascos or Vin Diesel) here, would make it a huge hit.

  • owhatever

    Must have been a really slow news day for the producer to dredge up ole Crazy Eyes to be interviewed on TV about anything…anything!

  • Tundra Grifter

    I don't think One-L should be calling a Spade a Spade. However, I suggest it could be worse:

  • ttommyunger

    Bob and Shelly: a has -been and a never-was, spare me.

  • Dildeaux

    Marcus sings The Girl with teh Far Away Thighs.

  • I thought telling lies was against one of those Ten Amendments or something.

    • You think Republican politicians actually pay attention to those bible thingies? Ha! Fooled you.

  • Arishii

    I wore my hair like that in 1957.

  • MadBrahms

    Have we fallen so far that "competent" is the high bar for presidential candidates? And what on earth is the bar for Face the Nation, that Pills McBachmann soars over it?

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