i'll pay you back!!!!!!!! in lightbulbs

Despite his glowing endorsement of both Mitt Romney and Mitt’s opponent Barack Obama back in January, John McCain has decided to switch to the other other other team and help out Michele Bachmann, who is broke, by hosting a fundraiser for the ex-never president and current and possible future congressional hologram. McCain will be paid in oysters and champagne, and Jon Huntsman will make a brief appearance to say “Romney is a sack of shit” in Mandarin. It should be fun. We want to go!

Really, this is happening! Bachmann is actually a mere one million dollars in debt, which in campaign finance terms is enough for about 20 yard signs and 14 bottles of Moet. So, the fundraiser will be in Washington some time this week, and it is unclear who will pay for that, but probably you. City Pages reminds us that it was just last summer i.e. a coon’s age ago when Mr. John compared Bachmann to Obama because of her opposition to raising the debt ceiling (which Obama also opposed, in A.D. 2006, when he was a senator).

Lest we forget, Bachmann is running for office again, in the name of Lightbulb Freedom, which means that the god of laughter is shining down on us, and so, do do not think of this as the beginning of the end, but merely the end of the beginning of the end. Bachmann would also like to remind you that no one else in Congress “in the history of the United States Congress” raised as much money as she did –$13.5 million — during her 2010 bid. She would also like to say that reports of her $1 million debt are “misleading,” which is not to say wrong, just not nice or patriotic at all. Also sexist. [City Pages]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Oh God, he's not going to "make it rain", is he?!

    • Showers of gold…if his prostate will shrink enough

      • horsedreamer_1

        Flomax is an hell of a drug.

  • Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake!

    • Callyson

      Maybe that's what Walnuts is hoping for.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Just like the honey badger, Marcus don't give a shit.

  • I'm sure Mish could make herself the pinup girl for Corn Dogs or Marcus could.

  • GreatChristiano

    Everybody: "Throw your hands in the Ayyyer…"

    Darn it, I keep getting Bachmann and that Sarah Palin girl mixed up.

    • I have that problem too. All you white people look alike.

      • You need to scan the barcode on the backs of their necks.

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          I thought that was only for identifying dead bishops

          Not that I have anything against 'em. I'd never bash the bishop at work.

          • Anglican bishops are white too, my friend!

    • GOPCrusher

      I looked at that picture and thought it was Bat Boy.

  • edgydrifter

    Come for the chicken cordon bleu, stay for the mesmerizing insanity.

  • Geminisunmars

    McCain has a soft spot for crazy brunettes. I'm sure there is also a cranial soft spot.

    • GreatChristiano

      I think he needs to start reconsidering the women he chooses to surround himself with.

    • Exhausted66

      That's not all he's soft for…
      Seriously, can Walnuts get some Cialis up in this beeyotch!

  • freakishlywrong

    Grampy McSurly pants and crazy eyed gal who hates "Obamacare" make really fucking strange bedfellows. And not in the sexy way.

    • It's getting to be a pattern, with him.

    • I wasn't thinking of McCain and Bachmann "in the sexy way", but thanks for bringing that up. Will you come over to my place now with a bucket and sponge? I seem to have puked.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Why does she have to make it about race all the time?

  • slithytoves

    I'd give her five dollars to never run for any office again.

  • memzilla

    Ol' Crazy Eyes has to run her own fundraiser? What the hell did she do to p*** off the Koch Bruddahs, that they wouldn't just write her a check, with ink from clubbed-to-death baby seals?

    • Callyson

      Maybe it's what she *didn't* do to the Kochs that cost her their big bucks.

  • ttommyunger

    So what? His cunt (his word, not mine) wife can afford it.

    • MosesInvests

      Trollop, also, too.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Just don't call it a bail-out. Shelley don't like bail-outs.

    • OK, it's not a bailout. It's a bail up.

    • flamingpdog

      It's a FAIL-out.

  • SorosBot

    Does she pack on makeup like a trollop?

    • Why yes! Yes she does!

    • memzilla

      My bad… I thought you said scallop.

    • MissTaken



      • SorosBot

        OK that was awesome; +69p.

  • Pragmatist2

    Marcus switched to "the other team" a while back.

  • tihond

    Marcus needs some new dog collars.

  • mavenmaven

    The Secret Loser's Ball

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      A secret "Please, man?"s ball?

  • Is this a "please adopt my adult daughter Meagan" fundraiser?

  • Bachmann can sell some of the kids into Newt's slavery work/study program.

  • KennyFuckingPowers

    I saw the bitch in Cedar Rapids deep throatin' a fuckin' corndog, talkin' about how people shouldn't be lookin' for a handout. Stay broke! We are tired of you.

    • GOPCrusher

      BOOTSTRAP LIBEL!!!!1!!!!1

  • ElPinche

    I can't wait to see second installment on HBO: Depends Changer
    "Nothing gets done unless McCain is dry and baby soft."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "no one else in Congress “in the history of the United States Congress” raised as much money as she did –$13.5 million — during her 2010 bid. "

    Maybe she can take over Jerry Lewis' muscular distrophy telethon hosting duties

  • Terry

    " So, the fundraiser will be in Washington…"

    So, she's having a little trouble raising money inside her district?

  • Callyson

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Saint Sarah hears about this…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Hitler finds out" video, in 3, 2, 1…

  • CapnFatback

    I swear, if McCain sings "You'll Never Walk Alone" to video clips of Bachmann dancing with that llama, I just may cry.

  • Is it going to be "that kind of party"?

    • flamingpdog

      Thank Darwin I stocked up on brain bleach at Costco this weekend.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Thank the Seven Mad Gods of the Internet it wasn't "Lemon"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Is Dominique Strauss-Kahn invited?

  • MissTaken

    How many llamas does $1 million buy?

  • spareme

    Maybe it'll be a toga party! Yeah! Shell can dress up as the Goddess Lightbulb, McCain and the rest of 'em can scream TOGA! TOGA! all night long! Wait – do they even have fun? Ever?

  • MissTaken

    ♫ I put my hands up in the air sometimes…♫

    Michele, not McCain.

    • chicken_thief

      McCain was known to put a plane in the air sometimes, but never for long.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe she can go on Dancing with the Stars. Isn't there some kind of renumeration for that?

    • I GOT IT!

      On pay-per-view….Jell-O wrestling against the Wacko from Wasilla!

      On the undercard, we could have K-Lo in a wimple fight Pam Atlass in a burqa. This would no doubt sell like hotcakes, particularly if we made Rich Lowry pay for each TeeVee in his house.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Or she could set up a high-stakes Texas hold- 'em tournament at the Casino Royale in Montenegro.

  • Broke Bachmann Mountin'?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Ya know what I think is "misleading?" Throwing an event to retire $1M in campaign debt if her campaign is not, in fact, $1M in debt.

    Actually, that's not "misleading."

    It's telling a LIE!!

    Perhaps Sen. McCain agreed to attend because he just heard the "retire" and thought the party was for him?

  • stncmchnc

    Even though he is in denial, Marcus is my favorite Barbarian.

  • WiscDad

    I thought she was running in the name of Dimbulb Freedom

  • Redhead

    If Walnuts gets his daughter Tits McCain to actually help throw and attend, maybe a few of her twitter followers will show up.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, I'm sure all 3 million of Newt's Twitter followers will.

  • WiscDad

    Marcus needs to get more gheys into that clinic of his to get cured of their gheyness and afford him a paycheck which he will turn over to Bitchhell post haste

  • Lucidamente1

    Will she accept donations in Ameros?

  • fartknocker

    I guess the yapping twat wants part of the $200 million/day she believed it cost for the President's trip to India in 2010.

  • Why doesn't she do what every Republican in the history of the planet has ever done?

    Blame the liberals!

  • Toomush_Infer

    There's something here…..I don't know what it is…..Why John?….wouldn't this be Boehner's job?…..did John forget who his running mate was….they all look alike?…

  • hagajim

    Welcome one and all – to the losers ball. Hosted by 2008 loser John "Walnutz" McCain in support of 2012 primary loser "Batshit" Michelle Bachmann….fun for the entire family. Each of the first 100 ticket buyers gets a free blast of Santorum – one of the other 2012 primary losers. The final 100 ticket purchasers win the right to a T-Paw snoozefest.

  • widestanceromance

    Is there a fiscally responsible Republican any where who is NOT in debt (obvs. Moneybags Romney does not count, since he is not actually real).

  • I wonder if she'd entertain an offer from a gentleman's magazine to pose perhaps less than clothed in the center-section of said publication?

    I can't imagine this wouldn't sell like hotcakes. Perhaps if it was suggested to her by some deity or other…

    • Biff

      I know, Rule 34 and all, but jesus christ, my EYES!

  • Needz moar Randy Travis.

    Maybe after he's sobered up.

  • flamingpdog

    a coon’s age ago

    uuum, too soon, Liz?

  • owhatever

    She's got all those kids. Let them get jobs as janitors in schools to pay Mom's debt. It's the Republican way.

  • Blueb4sunrise
  • Hera Sent Me

    "I will give up my incandescent bulb when they pry it from my hot, blistered fingers" is a lousy campaign slogan.

    • MadBrahms

      Let my filaments go!

  • MozakiBlocks

    Well, this sounds like a real hootenanny.

  • GOPCrusher

    Why don't she ask her God to come up with the scratch for her. He's the one that told her to run.

  • Barrelhse

    "..all the sounds and smells of Pig Night came rushing back to me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist!"

    • Nostrildamus

      Where's my pickle?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        No anchovies? You've got the wrong man!

  • docterry6973

    Should we make a joint donation or write individual checks?

    • chicken_thief

      I ain't giving her any of my pot. Not the good shit, at least. Think she'll be ok with stems and seeds?

  • Slim_Pickins

    Why doesn't Cindy just write her a check and get it over with?

  • Antispandex

    Is this John's way of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't pick you instead of Sarah"? It's must be, because if he just wants to get some trim, he could do alot better….well, OK, maybe not, but still…

  • Nostrildamus

    This makes no sense at all. Bachmann is a brunette.

  • chicken_thief

    As luck would have it, Shellz herself will not be in attendance since Walnuts left signing the entertainment up to the Megster and she got KD Lang and Melissa Ethridge as musical guests and Ellen to mc.

  • SkinnyNerd

    All it takes is one party to clear a $1 million dollar debt? Wait, how does this work again? I want details. Exacting details.

  • So a loser is campaigning for another loser? Have we gone through the looking glass, folks?

  • C_R_Eature

    Alternate Alt-Text: Michele's First Orgasm!

  • horsedreamer_1

    Anything to make Walnuts feel like a man, I suppose.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    ♫♪ Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.
    We're so glad you could attend! Come inside! Come inside!

    (Cue the Gypsy Queen, in a glaze of Vaseline.)

Previous articleHandsome Old Joe Biden Yells at Fellow Olds
Next articleYouTube Does Not Care for Herman Cain’s Bunny Snuff Film