When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said something about Etch A Sketches on CNN yesterday, America’s children all immediately ran to the toy store to pick up their copies, because nothing moves consumer retail spending in the children’s toy market quite like a Mitt Romney aide making an unfortunate metaphor on morning cable television. And stock traders, whose job is just to make reactive whimsical trades after every mealy-mouthed central bank and cable news idiot statement within ten minutes, were quick to get in on the action: Ohio Arts, the company that makes Etch A Sketches in China, saw its stock price more than triple. Everyone’s rich again, forever!

National Journal writes:

Romney’s primary opponents and critics jumped on the comments. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and former Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., each made appearances with Etch A Sketch toys. Santorum spokesperson Alice Stewart was out handing the toys outside of an event. The DNC also pounced.

Ohio Art, OART:OTC US on the stock exchange, started yesterday at $4.00 per share and finished the day at $12.50 per share.

From there it’s a clear shot to $150.25, by next week! Let’s check on the latest price, just to ensure it’s sticking to this exponential trajectory:



[National Journal]

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  • Barb

    Be right back, gotta buy me some stock in douche bags.

    • Callyson

      That's a good long term investment.

    • Just remember to sell in November.

    • freakishlywrong

      If assholes could be traded on the market the recession would be over.

      • Fare la Volpe

        You can find them on the Brown Market.

      • October 15, I'm going short on douchebags. Just a tip

      • GOPCrusher

        I think they replaced pork bellies on the Chicago Board of Commodities.

  • nounverb911

    Ohio Arts: Another American Company proudly making its products in China.

    • Biff

      Thanks in no small part to malwart and toys-r-us, demanding price concessions if they intend to stay in business have their products placed on our shelves.

      Toys"R"Us is owned by Bain Capital, and we all know who owns the other one.

  • dang. knew i should've invested in Missing White Girls, Inc

    • nounverb911

      Is that Nancy Grace's production company?

    • GOPCrusher

      Incorporated in Aruba?

  • memzilla

    Santorumatically speaking, let's see what Astroglide is trading at.

    • Callyson

      Crap, the company that makes it is privately held:
      There goes my IRA investment strategy…

      • See, if you were a Bain Capital client…

      • OneDollarJuana

        So, just how do you "hold" Astroglide? It's so slippery.

  • Goonemeritus

    Once again Romney shows is awesome business acumen.

    • bloodandirony

      Laugh all you want, Bain is probably unloading their massive holdings of Ohio Arts stock at the inflated price, even as we type.

  • nounverb911

    Is it time to short Romney yet?

  • bumfug

    Wait'll they find out CNN makes predictions based on a Magic 8-Ball!

  • Baconzgood

    Are Abortion stocks on the rise? They are talking about that alot too.

    • The Abortionplex is looking to refinance after Arizona insisted on movies before abortion.

  • Joey_Blau

    volume is only 80,000 shares.. that is a thinly traded stock.

    quote right now is ask 9.50 vs bid 4.26 so no one is buying…

    • James Michael Curley

      That's not a market. That's a couple privileged white dudes pissed off at each other in a poorly run boiler room.

      • Joey_Blau

        it trades on the pink sheets…

  • Tundra Grifter

    If Government Sachs says "BUY!" I'm selling.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm waiting to hear what Jim Cramer says.

  • WiscDad

    Are those made in Dayton, China?

  • HempDogbane

    Next week Fehrnstrom will make an unfortunate remark relating Romney with a gigantic purple silicone dildo. Hilarity will ensue.

    • FNMA

      Gotta call my broker and tell him to snatch up some Doc Johnson stock…

    • skoalrebel

      Wow! [spit!] I read that as "Hillary will sue," and now I have a very disturbing mental image involving purple dildos, lawyers, and pantsuits. Not fuckin' cool, man [spit]

  • samsuncle

    I had to wait for hours in line outside my local Etch A Sketch store to purchase mine.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Bad move. You should have just waited till the Etch-A-Sketch 4S came out this summer.

      • No way, man, iEtchOS will fix the problem!

        • James Michael Curley

          My iEtchOS was fixed with a couple shots of penicillin.

    • WhatTheHeck

      The new Etch A Sketch screen is so fab, it has an eye-popping 18 pixels. The old one from 6 months ago had only 12 pixels.

      • Biff

        It's the Gorilla Glass®.

    • Biff

      Sounds like a corporate store. I only have access to an affiliate, and the wait was even longer.

  • Wish my pee would've trippled too…

    • freakishlywrong

      We have but one p to give. I gave.

    • FNMA

      You need to drink more beer. A lot more.

  • Steverino247

    I e-mailed their PR person yesterday and told her enjoy the ride, but to hang on tight because tigers are dangerous to ride. She sent back something like "Can you believe it?"

  • Fare la Volpe

    Every time Santorum appears on TV, stock in sheet detergent spikes.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus, these childish assholes. What' s with the props? Supporters too stupid to understand the English? Just yesterday some twatwaffle in Wisco brought a pig to push his "no pork" bullshit. When the press caught up to him the damn thing was squealing and thrashing.. He had to run down an alley with the damn thing wriggling and screeching. (TMS)? And remember the fucking flip flops? Dumb, humorless assholes.

    • FNMA

      You're right. Who do these guys think they are, Carrot Top?

    • freakishlywrong

      TRMS, stupid. Hi Rach!

  • AlterNewt

    Shit. I doubled down on Rockem-Sockem Robots. I'm screwed.

    • Baconzgood

      I took a bath on hula-hoops and that ball with the handle on it that kids bounce around on.

    • DaRooster

      Shoulda bought Rockem-Sockem-Mittbots.

      • AlterNewt

        God DAMMIT!

    • GOPCrusher

      Slinkeys can only go down.

  • FNMA

    Damn, if only I could get one of those bozos to mention my book, which has been described as "delightfully goofy," "Elmore Leonard on laughing gas" and "consistently funny, profane and gratuitously outrageous."

    I'm such a whore…

    • Isyaignert

      I'll bite – what's the title of your book and is it available on Amazon?

      • FNMA

        I guess it's all right to do so. If not, nice knowing you all.
        It's called Don't Be Cruel and yes, is on Amazon with an astonishingly low ranking.

    • Isyaignert

      I saw your book on Amazon – there are two reviews and both are stellar! I'll have to buy your book. You should be very proud of yourself; I'm proud of you!! Congratulations!!!

      I've been helping my brother with his hilarious autobiography titled "Camping on Crutches." We're almost ready to publish on AMZN.

      • FNMA

        Thanks. It's made me a hundredaire. Suck it, Mitt.

  • It was only a matter of time before product placements made their way into political advertising

    • Data Exactly

      Newt Gingrich would like to take a moment out of his campaign to tell you "Lean Six Sigma!" That is all.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I hope this wasn't intentional product placement. I would never want my peace of mind in the integrity of our political system shattered, especially while I was enjoying this refreshing Snapple beverage.

    • Say, I bet that would go great with my roast beef sandwich, made with real Boar's Head beef!

      Boars Head, who uses only the finest ingredients available, just as we've they've done continuously for over a century. We They are proud to say that our their meats and cheeses contain no fillers, gluten, artificial colors, flavors or trans fat. We They wouldn't put anything in our their products that you wouldn't put on your own table.

      That's Boar's Head.

      • Data Exactly

        When it comes to a boar's head, you start at the nose and work your way through. That's the only way to eat!

  • Millennial Malaise

    This is kind of like when Teddy Roosevelt invented the teddy bear, except Teddy was one of the good Republicans and Mitt Rmoney is, even after 65 years on earth, still a puny, disposable tabula rasa, whom everyone pays attention to out of irony or apathy or both.

  • MissTaken

    Can someone please compare a candidate to Lite Brite? Mommy needs a new pair of shoes.

    • Uuhhhhh, who?

      Cuz I'd compare Obama, but he's not Lite. He is Brite, tho

      BTW, I hear hooking is a good way to save on shoes.

    • SorosBot

      Congrats you've gotten some more P-ness again.

      • MissTaken

        I'm planning to get a lot more in a couple of weeks.

        • Barb

          Congratulations on both of your p-ness boosts!

        • Oh jeez…y'know, I was living my sex life out vicariously through you two, but no golden showers, mmmmmmmmmk?

          • Boojum_Reborn

            Actor. P-ness. Pe-ness. Pe-nis. Penis.

            Simple really, and such a small thing.

        • SorosBot

          Aw, :)

        • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

  • elviouslyqueer

    Mitt, now would be a good time to state that Newt closely resembles PlayDoh, Ron Paul needs to impale himself on a Sit 'n Spin, and darling Creamcup is a spokesperson for Anti Monkey Butt. Kids' retailers everywhere will thank you.

    • MissTaken

      Sit n Spin was the shit!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And the whole freaking GOP is a barrel of monkeys. What fun!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My grandma with dementia asked for a kindle for Christmas, so I bought her an etch-a-sketch and called it a kindle. She's been reading the shit out of that thing.

    • Data Exactly

      World's. Greatest. Grandson. Srsly.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It looks like santorum can't find angry birds on his iPad.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I hope someone compares Gingrich to Star Wars figures soon. I've got some student loans to pay off.

    • It's not like he hasnt been called Jabba the Hutt for years now.

      • Of course, if you'd like, we could just call him Jar Jar Binks.

  • SorosBot

    And here I thought Romney's campaign was only good for the makers of flip-flops and Skynet.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Dog crates, also.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Which company manufactures the Magic Underwear, Fruit of the Tomb?

    • Henghs?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba


  • Willard Gekko sure knows how to fuck with Wall Street.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    There goes Mittens creating jobs again…in China.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      O-hio sounds more like Japanese.

  • AbandonHope

    In deference to their change of manufacturing location in 2001, the company was going to change their name to "Shenzhen Arts" but it just didn't focus group well.

  • Poindexter718

    I recommend an options play that matures around the GOP convention: Long Sept 1 OART calls struck at 12.50 financed by selling Sept. 1 KY Corp puts struck at 6.66. The trade is referred to on teh Street as a "Froth Spread":

  • How long before they bring back the Transvaginal Ultrasound Etch-A-Sketch?

    helps some dudes with the masterbatin'

  • widestanceromance

    In contrast, Skittles prices are. . .ahh, nevermind. I got no humor in me these days.

    • Barrelhse

      I understand.

    • Data Exactly


  • hagajim

    Insider trading!

  • Isyaignert

    OMFG – My husband just watched Rachel Maddow's show and told me that Bain Capital (Willard's company) owns Etch-A-Sketch! Damn, the irony is getting really thick.

    • James Michael Curley

      Bain Capital, along with Carlyle and Thomas Partners own Dunkin Donuts. Haven't had any of those sinkers for years. Got drummed off the force though.

  • Blue Star loves Ohio Arts

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Cut that sumbitch open and glitter-bomb someone with aluminum powder!

  • Mr Pre-Press

    Wait til Mittens says nice things about buggy whips.

  • Come here a minute

    Crap, shoulda seen that coming. Now getting ready to buy stock in the next stupid thing Mitt says.

  • mavenmaven

    I'd hate to think of what kind of toys are associated with Santorum.

    • Our first Fleshlight™ president. Batteries not included.

  • Sue4466

    This is the rational market at work people.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Romney will fix the economy by having someone go out and say the name of a different company every day.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I dunno, trading on Etch-A-Sketch might not be such a good idea – shouldn't your broker keep a record?…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Also -if Mitt wins the nomination, will his new general election theme song be: "I'm All Shook Up"….?

  • barto

    Crap I bought 10000 shares on margin before finishing your story!

  • I'm just glad we've all accepted The Market as the only legitimate arbiter of all values. Because The Market is so fucking rational, you see.

  • Barrelhse

    Someone should say Hula-Hoop or Thigh Master.

  • owhatever

    Okay, Mitt, we're on to Silly Putty now.

  • rickmaci

    What do you bet somebody at Bain is shorting Ohio Art?

  • ttommyunger

    I am frankly amazed that there is still a manufacturer; I haven't even SEEN one of those in forty years-you've got to be shitting me, Wonkette.

  • DahBoner

    It's like an iPod, but with just one app…

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