Maiming a Ron Paul supporter won't make it come true, Newt.

Probable Florida primary loser and mean-spirited twerp Newt Gingrich will FAIL to colonize the moon because he will never become president, but you know what he CAN colonize? That one little patch of grass, yeah that one right over there where a lone Ron Paul supporter is standing quietly holding up a sign. Newt Gingrich wants exactly that spot, and he will have it or he WILL ORDER HIS MINIONS TO BREAK SOME TOES, you hear? Well gosh darn it, the Ron Paul guy doesn’t want to move, because hello, Newt Gingrich does not own the sidewalk. And then Drama Ensues.

Here is the entire account of the brutal sandbox fight via Yahoo! News’ Chris Moody:

[Ron Paul supporter Eddie] Dillard found a quiet spot along a sidewalk lined with tiny American flags and held up his sign. Little did he know, Newt Gingrich had chosen that very spot to make his first Primary Day campaign stop.

When Gingrich’s bus pulled up, Dillard stood silently holding his sign and watched the news-media horde swamp the candidate. Gingrich stepped down from the bus and made a beeline for Dillard. He stopped in front of Dillard and his sign and parked himself for a round of handshaking and pictures with voters. The placement couldn’t have been worse. There was Gingrich, standing with his wife Callista at their first event of the day, and a giant Ron Paul sign floated inches from their crowns.

Noticing the awkward optics, Gingrich aides and security personnel swarmed Dillard, trying to intimidate him into moving. One of Gingrich’s security agents stepped in front of him. When Dillard didn’t budge, the agent lifted his heeled shoe over Dillard’s bare foot and dug the back of it into his skin, twisting it side-to-side like he was stomping out a cigarette. Shocked, Dillard kept his ground and took a picture of the agent with his phone, which was quickly knocked out of his hand. Dillard slipped off his flip-flop to pick up the phone with his foot, and a Gingrich supporter kicked the sandal away.

“Don’t kick me!” Dillard said to the man who knocked away his sandal. More members of Gingrich’s security retinue approached, shoving their shoulders and chests in front of him.

“Just block him!” a Gingrich campaign aide said. “Everyone step on his toes!”

And now Ron Paul is SO MAD and he’s all “apologize, BITCH” to Newt Gingrich and he will probably cold slap Newt, in the face, during the next debate, we hope. [The Ticket]

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  • nounverb911

    Expect more blimp on blimp violence in the days to come.

    • Barb

      I hope someone had the decency to call him an ambulance or a toe truck or something.

      • SorosBot


      • MissTaken

        I'm sure they have pedicabs for just this reason.

  • Ohforcripessake

    You know who else liked to break toes?


  • Show of hands: who is surprised by this?

    • nounverb911

      Palin's slapping herself for not thinking of this first.

      • RadioFetusEater

        Show of hands???!??
        I thought we were talking about toes here.

    • Callyson

      Surprised, no. Amused, endlessly…

    • GhostBuggy

      Anyone surprised by this is in for a shock when they see how journalists are treated if Newt is crowned Second Emperor of the Moon.

      • OneDollarJuana

        "Second Emperor of the Moon"

        I'd buy that for a dollar!

  • trondant

    Who to root for, who to root for…..

    The sandal? The phone?

    Can't decide.

    • MosesInvests

      The Gourd!!!!!

  • orygoon

    "Don't toze me, bro!"

  • noodlesalad

    Don't forget what Pappy Gingrich used to say – Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, after forcibly removing them from him and breaking his toes.

  • SorosBot

    So it only took one election cycle for Republicans to go from having their supporters and hired goons curb stomp liberal protestors and rough up journalists to attacking the supporters of other Republicans in the primary. Nice violent people there.

    • Banelm

      But they were Liberal plants!! The entire security team! and maybe even Newt?…

    • Negropolis

      Cannibals, the lot of 'em.

  • Steverino247

    Paul supporter couldn't go to the police, of course, because that would be relying on Government as a solution to the problem of assholes trying to beat him up. I guess that enlightened self-interest shit doesn't do squat in the Real World.

    • HistoriCat

      Reality is a harsh mistress.

      • LesBontemps

        Heinlein, corrected: The Moon-King is a Harsh Mistress.

    • Guppy

      The hypocrite wasn't packing.

      After all, don't forget Florida's recent "Stand Your Ground" law.

    • Barrelhse

      Needz gunz?

  • meatlofer

    Newt is going to need those toes as soon as they start cutting his diabetic infected stumps off.

  • You know who else made liberal use of mob violence to ascend to political office?

    Wait, that's not funny, just true. Fuck, guys, I'm… I'm pretty bad at this.

    • nounverb911

      Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Lizard Men?

    • rickmaci


    • Nostrildamus

      I entirely reject the idea that assuming political office can ever be described as ascending.

      • Well, when your starting point is "failed Georgia community-college assistant professor and lifetime grifter/canker sore on the democratic process", you're left with plenty of territory to cover before ascending to the position of "worthwhile human being".

    • Negropolis

      Rand Paul?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Vladimir Ilych Lenin?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Al Capone? (OK, maybe not the political part.)

    • BornInATrailer

      The Kennedy clan?

  • coolhandnuke

    Newt's been trying(unsuccessfully) to kick the Flip-Flopper in the teeth for months, now he's resorted to kicking filp flop wearing sign holders in the shins.
    I love the smell of desperation on a Florida morning.

  • Not all of the Paultards have gotten the memo about Second Amendment Security Systems.

    • Negropolis

      No kidding. In Florida, he probably could have convinced a jury that his life was in danger when he shot those guys. lol

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        In Florida, "They wuz hasslin' me" is an adequate self-defense argument, so long as the defense attorneys are reasonably diligent about selecting a tasteful, color-coordinated jury. It's a feng shui thing.

  • Think of the Paultard fundraising!! Ought to be worth $100,000 per toe.

  • Rotundo_

    I like the Newt! in spaaaaaace! pic. I just keep hearing PIGS IN SPAAAAAACE! when I look at it though, and that's Muppet Libel! And Newt!'s minions are just emulating the warm humanity fairly flowing from this great font of historic knowledge. Think of them as Jedi Knights of Asshole-dom (Or Asshole-Dumb as the case may be).

  • ThundercatHo

    What, no pepper spray? I heard Paultards taste better with a little spice.

    • SorosBot

      It's a food product, after all.

  • MissTaken

    "As Gingrich pulled away, Dillard looked down at his foot. With the adrenaline pumping, he hadn't noticed the pain, but now it was starting to sink in. A bruise was forming, and there was a cut mark where the security agent had dug in his heel."

    I guess the tree of freedom must be refreshed with bruises of patriots.

    • SorosBot

      Let's face it, which one of us hasn't been tempted to give a Paultard a few bruises from time to time?

      • MissTaken

        I try to maintain at least 6 foot distance from all Paultards at all times, but I do understand the temptation.

  • Man, this gooper primary just keeps getting better and better.

    The schaden freudes itself, my friends.

    Gingrich supporters handed a "Newt 2012" yard sign up to the front to put in front of Dillard's Paul sign. The two signs, zipping back and forth inches from Gingrich's head, circled each other in the air like fighter jets in a dogfight.

    Not my choice of metaphor, but I'll give credit for trying.

    • Rotundo_

      Flies around a fresh cow flop?

    • SorosBot

      And this was the campaign for President of the United States, not of Millard Fillmore Junior High?

    • Z Crudmonger

      Taupe Dumb – where Maverick and Goosegrich play footsies.

  • Extemporanus

    Sandals were Jesus Christ's Achilles heel as well.

  • Trannysurprise

    If the Paultards want to keep Newtie and Lista off their toes they'll learn to carry pockets full of hotdogs and diamonds to fling into the bushes.

  • If you want to make an omelette you gotta break some toes.

  • Extemporanus

    "And this little piggy went 'Wee! Wee! Wee!' all the way Galt."

  • Let me understand this – Gingrich's entire security force is wearing high heels??? Are they like all chicks in catsuits and high heeled boots? Where do I vote for this guy?

    • Kid's lucky–stilettos can kill!

      • Angry_Marmot

        Straight through the heart.

        • bagofmice

          And you're too late.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      He picked up Ghada, Khada, Gadaf, … oh Fuck It.

    • Negropolis

      They wouldn't happen to be blonde, buxom, Ukranian nurses, would they?

      Buxom. What an awesome word.

  • Needs moar victim-identity-crisis, neck-stomping style. Maybe Ron should consult his son's security detail for suggestions.

  • chascates

    Fortunately free medical care is available to people at any emergency room.

  • fuflans

    Dillard slipped off his flip-flop to pick up the phone with his foot, and a Gingrich supporter kicked the sandal away.

    there's a metaphor for republicans in here but i'm too hungover to find it.

    • rickmaci

      How about "dog eat dog"? Really is the common thread in the TeaTard and LibTard view of the world.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's not a metaphor, it's an example. They are dicks, and if you get in their way they will fuck you. (Newt will take the cannoli.)

  • PeaceWithHonor

    No fetuses were harmed. Nothing to see here.

  • fuflans

    newt gingrich is just a complete shit isn't he?

    • Guppy

      Not news.

    • rickmaci

      About sums it up.

    • Loaded_Pants

      He's two complete shits, given his preference for two bathrooms.

    • yyyaz

      Looks more like 10 shits in a 5-shit bag.

      • iburl

        With 30 little black poor children picking up all the excess shit.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And all this time I thought Newt was a fake conservative — turns out he's a shit to everybody — so he's got his bona fides.

  • YouBetcha

    Eddie Dillad's problem is that he's not a 27 year old blonde with a spectacular pair of tits.

    • anniegetyerfun

      To be perfectly fair, that is also my problem.

    • CapnFatback

      He's got a year to change that if he wants to be Miss July 2013.

  • Orlando Foot Stomper prolly got a boner–"Stepping on toes of an innocent person, crushing them! Because I can!"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Somewhere, Dick Cheney is smiling.

    • Angry_Marmot

      No, that was just gas.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    KBJ: While I appreciate the alt-text, wouldn't the world be a better place if we encouraged the rumor that by maiming a Paultard, all your dreams will come true?

    • Barrelhse

      That could be as much fun as "Kick a Ginger", or even more laughs if you can find a ginger Paultard to fuck up.

  • Gopherit

    Newt should have tried this technique with Marianne.

    • Negropolis

      I kind of get the feeling that Marianne wouldn't have put up with this kind of abuse. Just sayin'.

  • mavenmaven

    Two losers fighting over attention. Only we wonketteers pay any attention, for lolz.

  • I bet Callista joined in. *meep!*

    (Has anyone ever heard Callista actually speak? I imagine the only sound that could come out of her mouth is "meep" for some reason).

    • voodooeconomics

      lmao. I never heard it either.."meep" is good.
      Hair has not moved since 2004.

    • Rotundo_

      Beaker to Newt!'s Bunsen Honeydew?

    • Barrelhse

      Pull that ring on her back and we'll see what happens.

    • Nostrildamus

      Probably just stood watching – wide-eyed.

  • HempDogbane

    Kind of like thumb fights on the school bus, except for "adults." And There Will Be Blood.

    • 1, 2, 3, 4. I declare an unprovoked attack on your feet.

      • MissTaken

        I triple dog dare you!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I am a bit confused, as according to FOX News, only liberals and OWS protesters are violent.

    • SorosBot

      So many of those OWS posters were horrid, violently getting in the way of those cops' batons.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Not to mention violently throwing-up after violently throwing themselves into the pepper spray.

      • Loaded_Pants

        The police breaking up the Occupy protests could take a lesson from Newt's security. Just kick their sandals away and stomp on their toes.

        • emmelemm

          Isn't that how the Roman Soldiers subdued Jesus, before they put him on the cross?

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I thought they followed his gord….

    • Barrelhse

      The guy with the sign and the flip-flops who caused all the trouble and got violent with Security is a Democrat Party agent provocateur.

  • So (Republican) politics is a contact sport, after all. Like rugby.

    • anniegetyerfun

      YOU TAKE THAT BACK. Rugby is a sport played by dishonorable, thuggish alcoholics with thick necks and no respect for society. Republicans, on the other hand, are truly despicable.

  • MinAgain

    Jack-booted thugs apparently have a toe fetish.

  • Please don't say "probable loser" when referring to Newt's chances in Florida. I'm still hoping he'll be the nominee.

  • cheetojeebus

    <bling> A new meme is born<bling>

    "Everyone! Step on his toes!"

    Who will be the first to offer a cafe press tee?

  • MiniMencken

    Using his foot to pick up a cellular telephone? That sounds like something a, you know, Macaca might do. Jus' sayin.'

    • Barrelhse


    • ttommyunger

      No shit! I don't even know anyone who can pick up a cellphone with their feet and I've seen everything: tying a cherry stem in a knot with a tongue, tying one's pussy lips in a knot (they hung down like a wet pea-coat sleeve), etc. But picking up a cellphone with your feet? How is that even done?

  • The way I visualize this story, I see Newt making eye contact with one of his hired goons, and then making an almost-imperceptible gesture toward the sign-holder with his head.

    • vodkamuppet

      Just like Carlo Gambino.

      • DahBoner


  • C_R_Eature


    DILLARD: "What did you do that for?"

    SECURITY: "For being a bastard with no manners, and not a dook of an idea how to comport yourself public-wise, O my brother."

    DILLARD: " I don't like you should do what you done, and I'm not your brother no more and wouldn't want to be."

    SECURITY: "Watch that. Do watch that, O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou dost wish."

    DILLARD: "Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime, not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. Well, it stands to reason I won't have it.

    SECURITY: "A nozh scrap any time you say!"

    GINGRICH: "Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well."

    • DahBoner

      Newtie = HorrorShow

  • BarackMyWorld

    Gingrich parking his campaign bus somewhere else just wasn't an option, was it?

  • ElPinche

    Good thing that Paultard budged at the last minute. Newt was close to siccing titanium-shelled Callista and her laser-heat vision on him .

  • barto

    "Step on his toes!"

    Well played, sir! Might I suggest "Kick him in the nads!" for the next round?

    • Barrelhse

      Rah Rah Ree
      Kick 'em in the knee
      Rah Rah Rass
      Kick 'em in the other knee.

  • RadioFetusEater

    This is the Alinsky type of behavior I would expect out of Alinsky historian like Newt.

  • Goonemeritus

    Throwing a Ron Paul supporter a beating shows there is good in everyone even Newt.

  • Angry_Marmot

    As an Ad Astra supporter, I has a sad that we won't have the chance to shove Newt out an airlock.

    • You guys must be thrilledto have the backing of such a fine man as Newt Gingrich.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Sadly, Newt sucks the oxygen out of whatever room he's in.

  • Callyson

    Gingrich aides and security personnel swarmed Dillard, trying to intimidate him into moving.
    That was their first mistake. Someone who is out there enough to support Ron Paul is not going to be intimidated by Newt's minions. They should be glad Dillard did not start singing. "Well, I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free…"

    • SorosBot


      • MissTaken


        • SorosBot


  • rickmaci

    …then the Gingreichfuhrer's security goons goose stepped back to the bus, singing in unison, "Newtland Newtland uber alles!!"

  • voodooeconomics

    Mr Portly could have stepped on that toe himself and for sure things would have made for better TV

  • Tundra Grifter

    Today we are all Kenneth Gladney.


  • Tundra Grifter

    "I was sad because I had no shoes.

    "And then I met a man who had no dick."

    ~ Bill Gallagher

  • RadioFetusEater

    Science question: Is it easier or harder to break toes on the moon? The gravity of this question is important.

  • mormos

    Christ! this guy isn't even close to being president and he is already having his goons literally stomp on American citizens!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Wingnut on wingnut violence. I approve. I also own steel toed boots and have trained my big red dog to bite crotches on command.

  • e_z

    Orwell wrote " If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever"

    Gingrich and his minions were just out to prove how moderate he really his. Just a shoe and some toes.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    According to "The Schoolyard Bullies Handbook, 2012 Edition" stomping on feet is step one, to be quickly followed by putting gum in his hair and pulling down his pants. After that its all name-calling and wedgies until someone cries.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Ron Paul supporter wearing flip-flops, who would have imagined that.

    • anniegetyerfun

      See, I usually see them in Utilikilts and boots.

    • We all wear flip-flops down here. The Paulistas wear ones with hemp straps. Romney fans have wingtip flip-flops. Gingreich disciples wear ones with hobnail soles. Santoromists' flip-flops make a squeaking noise when they walk, and leave brown smudges on the carpet.

    • LiveToServeYa January!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Was said Paultard the filthy hippy type or the redneck racist type? I can't decide my sympathies without that knowledge.

  • valgal2342

    I don't recall Ron Paul being all that upset when a Rand Paul supporter stomped the head of a young women into a curb for her little sign.

  • Hera Sent Me

    A Gingrich presidency will step on everyone's toes.

  • MissTaken

    I guess Eddie Dillard never actually wants to lose his virginity.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that he's a Paultard, and they generally think the role of women should be domestic servants with a pussy and pair of breasts to entertain them, he'll probably be losing his virginity to some mail-order bride from Asia or Eastern Europe who will be the perfect submissive housewife until the moment her naturalization comes through; then she'll take him for all he's worth.

      • MissTaken

        I'm sure his bag of Cheetos and gold-plated rLOVEution blimp paperweight will take her far.

        • SorosBot

          "Oh, yes, honey, that doll of Ron Paul dressed as Superman [remember that?] is just awesome; it makes the living room look great. *sigh* two more years and I'm eligible for citizenship; then I won't have to pretend to like that crap or fuck that creep anymore."

      • chascates

        Sounds like the future Mrs. James O'Keefe!

  • Barrelhse

    It goes without saying that the fucking anarchist with the sign shoulda been in the Designated Free Speech Zone where he belongs.

  • tejanojim

    Not to step on Dave Barry's toes (hah!), but "Awkward Optics" really would be a great band name.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Newt at his most creative.

  • MissTaken

    CNN is projecting that Obama won the Florida primary…yay!

  • OT: Listening to Tweety rail against Romney..

  • DahBoner

    Well, Ron Paul wants to break the Fed, so this is just Newt's message from Helicopter Ben that we'd hate to see anything bad happen to your family….

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah, CNN primary time. Let the drinking commence!

    Oh, how boring, Malt Rumbley is running away with it.

    I think MissTaken is right: Bammaz wins!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Newt Attacked Annie Dillard!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • CapnFatback

      I read all about it in her book A Pogrom at Tiffany's Creek.

      • I remember it as Some Poker at Tiffany's Creek.

        • CapnFatback

          Perhaps it was A Porker at Tiffany's Counter?

        • Blueb4sunrise

          A Grim Pill in Paultards Crack

        • Angry_Marmot

          Breakfast at Tiffany's; Liquor Up Front, Poker in the Rear.

  • DaRooster


  • rocktonsam

    New Orleans Saints kicker Tom Dempsey had no toes.

    • Eagles kicker Tony Franklin kicked barefoot.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        49ers hall of fame quarterback Joe Montana had badgers grafted on his legs in place of feet.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Could they still parachute?

      • The drummer from Def Leppard only had one arm.

        • bagofmice

          This bears repeating.

  • chascates

    MITT 48% NEWT 31% RICK 13% RON 7%

    • CapnFatback

      Staring at those numbers, it just occurred to me that this awful, awful race has come down to two men whose first names are most usually recognized as common nouns, a man whose last name has become an eponymic common noun, and a common bridge troll.

      • chascates

        Well played, sir!

  • Z Crudmonger

    BP ads promoting Florida tourism on MSNBC. It's like all the dirty uncles made it to Florida today.

  • Nut Grinch is desperate after failing to get enough athletic supporters to send his ex-wives to the moon. Not only does he have that to worry about but Wrong Pole might actually win a bunch of delegates in the Nevada, Maine, Colorado and Minnesota primaries. Even Dick Sanitarium is going to try to do his beast out there. Now it may well be that Nut Grinch has is panties in a bunch about Mitt Rummey poaching on his K Street cronies, but here's what they're REALLY afraid of. Wrong Pole likes gold and would be laissez-faire about pot, hookers, and other party laws. How could Mut, Nut and Dick compete with Wrong Pole's pro-bling and parties stance? No wonder Nut's athletic supporters are stomping mad.

    • CapnFatback

      Since when has MAD Magazine had a political correspondent?

    • An unspecified number of fins up for this.

  • Funny how the reaction from the paultards is about 180 degrees from their nonreaction when 5-6 led by Bourbon County Rand Paul Coordinator Tim Profitt beat up that 100 pound woman.

  • chascates

    AP: Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said Tuesday he expects the race for the GOP nomination will go on for six months no matter how the Florida primary turns out.

    Shit, by the summer there may be gangland-style slayings between Gingrich & Romney. I can't wait!

    • Negropolis

      Gulf Coast vs. East Coast. It'll make the Tupac v. Biggie Smalls look like a mild disagreement.

  • a_pink_poodle

    That's why you wear steel toed shoes

    • That's why you avoid people who step on other peoples' toes for a living.

    • Lazy Media

      THIS! I'm wearing steel-toed boots as we speak. So comfy.

  • libertyiscool

    Ron Paul would legalize pot and he would put the presidency back into its proper constitutional place, i.e. he would limit executive power. I'm not a tard. I want freedom and liberty. Tell me the other candidate running for president that would stop the drug war. Obama is traitor.

  • 40 or 50 % McShineys

    Raymond: OW!
    Charlie: Don't make a scene!
    Raymond: OW!
    Charlie: Stop acting like a fucking retard.
    Raymond: UH-OH!
    [Pulls out red book and writes in it]
    Charlie: What are you writing?… What the fuck is this? "Serious Injury List"? *Serious* injury list? Are you fucking kidding me?
    Raymond: Number eighteen. In 2012, Newt Gingrich stomped and stamped and hurt my foot in 2012.

  • Lazy Media

    See, kids, this is why you should never wear those goddam flipflops except at the beach. Jesus fucking Christ, when did America turn into Cambodia, with the fucking flipflops as the only footwear?

  • BZ1

    why does this not surprise anyone?

  • "I apologize if anyone's toes were broken, but Newt's Message is Very Important."

  • WiscDad

    There HAS to be video SOMEWHERE

  • owhatever

    Newt says that after his coronation, er, inauguration, one of the first things he will do is issue an Executive Order to exile Eddie Dillard to Moonbat Base One.

  • The irony of Newt stomping piggies makes me wee, just a little.

  • Negropolis

    It's not so fun when the sandal is on the other foot, is it Daddy of Rand Paul?

    This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy went home; this little piggy ate pork ribs (the fucking cannibal), and this little piggy ate none; and this little piggy went "wee, wee, wee" all the way to the hospital, where the little piggy paid in gold.

  • ttommyunger

    I can see the headline now: "Pant-Load's Private Police Pounce on Pot-Head's Piglets – for Peace!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, we're finally starting to see the violence inherent in the system.

  • Personally, I am damned impressed that someone could pick up a mobile phone with their foot. It's either simian or superhero-ish but, either way, it's something I couldn't do.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Maybe the security guard was auditioning for the new Michael Flatley production of "Feet of Fury"

  • neesy08

    that is just as bad as when a rand paul supporter attacked a woman who was from or media matters (i forget which one). she was holding a sign and was attacked by a guy named profitt. she falls and he and a couple of "gentlemen" (and i use the term very lightly) placed their foot on the back of her neck.
    profitt had the nerve to say she was a security threat. he ended u being charged, but this whole business of attacking citizens for doing what the constitution says you can do (speech and assembly) is disgraceful. dillard needs to file a lawsuit.

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