That is what your semi-managing editor has to say about this important news, from your beloved past-and-future Wonkette typing monster of Capitol Hill, Jim Newell:

An Important Announcement Regarding Your Gawker Political Desk: Goodbye

Tuesday greetings from the Gawker Political Desk! We have some news: This will be the last post for its main political writer, me.


I am leaving to fulfill my lifelong dream: Building a golden shrine to our nation’s Romulus and Remus of the future, Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain, in the Secret Forest. It’s an option, at least. (No.)

Where you’ll find me now: Next week I’m going to be guest-blogging with my good friend Ken Layne and his staff at Wonkette, the first Gawker Media site that hired me to write about politics in 2007. It’s going to be fun. I’m hoping to contribute more to The Guardian’s US site. I have a lengthy piece that will appear in next month’s relaunch edition of The Baffler about my experience in a high school monetary policy competition. (Seriously.)

So, now that our late-night gmail conversations are public knowledge, Wonkette is very happy to announce that Jim Newell is Wonkette’s new Senior Editor at Large or whatever title we are making up, and you can expect to see his vicious and insightful prose right here, starting next week, again, and hopefully continuing on whatever level we can keep him contributing, until the End of the World, may God Have Mercy On Us All.

Fag.Welcome back, Newell. We have missed you a lot.

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  • ::blink::

    Jim? JIM???

    Oh, it IS you! Welcome back!

  • Come here a minute

    Yay! I hope Peggy Noonan and David Denby still exist, stupidly.

    • Can they exist any other way?

    • Nothingisamiss

      If David Denby is going to come to these pages, first he'll need a rectal exam.

    • RavenRant

      Oh, Peggington Noonington! How we've missed Newell's translations and interpretations.

  • SorosBot

    And here I was getting used to not having competition from other gingers.

    • Limeylizzie

      SorosBot is a Ginger? Oh my Goodness, I have quite a history with your people, my first love was a dark ginger with brown eyes and MrLimeyLizzie was a Ginger, he is now completely white except for…well…you know.

    • Barb

      I'm a Ginger.

      • Man0nTheStreet

        Well, I'm a Pepper. We're all Peppers. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

        • emmelemm

          Ask me how!

    • Redhead


      • SorosBot

        Well I mean other male gingers.

    • MissTaken

      Like I said previously, I am very excited about the Official Ginger Week next week

      • Crank_Tango

        Too soon!!!

      • SorosBot

        As a ginger, so am I.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Well, it won't be so much "competition" as it will be "breeding" and/or "mortal combat"…

  • savethispatient

    The Guardian? You pinko!

  • memzilla

    Barkeep! One Peggingtonshire Special, two olives — shaken, not stirred, please. And Vicodin on the side.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh, yes, oh yes, OH YES!!!!!!

      *sighs* That felt good.

      • jus_wonderin

        "I'll have what she's having."

  • Troubledog

    I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

  • elviouslyqueer


    • spudgun

      Aww, isn't that sweet!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      "Guest-blogging" so fap it while you can!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Can you put him on the morning shift, Ken? I think the present staff are narcoleptics or slug-a-beds.

    • HistoriCat

      Shit – if we want the morning shift, then we need Sarah K. Smith back. In his previous goodbye post Jim acknowledged that Sarah was doing the early heavy lifting even though she was an hour behind him.

      Damnit baby toddler Smith – you need to start sharing your mama!

    • emmelemm

      Those of us on the West Coast don't even notice.

      • DaRooster

        Being on the West Coast I usually find myself watching Stewart and Colbert going,"When the fuck is Wonkette gonna wake up? They are east of here right?"

    • Morning shift it is!

  • paris biltong

    Well, we were puny then, we're kind of huge now. Five thousand views and one thousand comments was something unheard of when he was in charge. And there were no p's. Those were the days.

    • Crank_Tango

      This is a big fucking deal.

  • Barb

    I can't wait to throw my panties up on the stage when he gets here!

    • CapnFatback

      This news makes me want to throw up too!

      Throw up with joy!

    • Guppy

      You may need to actually start wearing panties, then.

      • Barb

        True that!

    • MissTaken

      I'm already twirling mine around my finger in anticipation.

      • Steverino247

        How long to get to your place from 5th and Market? This I gotta see.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The joy of Jim returning is only slightly lessen by the knowledge that you usually wear panties.

      • She didn't say that. She only said she has them within reach for throwing. Like the puppies I keep next to the keyboard.

    • ttommyunger

      Panties? We don' need no stinkin' panties!

  • Extemporanus

    HALLELUJAH! The Prodigal Snark returns!

  • PsycWench

    The PUMAs will be so excited!!!

  • nounverb911

    OH NO!
    This is great news?
    Wait I'm confused.

    Welcome back Jim.

  • CapnFatback

    Everything old is Newell again.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Will Jessica Cutler be returning?

  • So, now that our late-night gmail conversations are public knowledge

    I bet you would have landed him sooner if you hadn't asked "So…what are you wearing?"

  • KotBR

    Will he tell us about that time Denton tied him to a chair until he pounded out 2,000 words on Newt's affairs?

  • Limeylizzie

    I am going to comment naked all week.

    • nounverb911

      Speaking of naked, how did the audition go?

      • Limeylizzie

        Haven't heard a peep, it went well but these things are so random, I try to forget it even happened!

    • James Michael Curley


    • James Michael Curley

      Saved you a couple days work.

      • Limeylizzie

        You are such a card.

    • Guppy

      So you're not doing anything special?

    • flamingpdog

      You hear that, Soros? Limeylizzie is trying to one-up you!

      • SorosBot

        My apartment gets too cold this time of year to comment naked; I do at least need my underwear and a t-shirt.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Huh. You've been commenting naked ever since I got here to Wonkette, at least in my mind.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      There is an option not to comment naked?

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        Only if you submit to an ultrasound first.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Pictures please.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Or GTFO!

  • north_of_moscow

    Will this comeback include the requisite training montage? I want to see Jim chop wood and outsmart his KGB handlers and run through the snow to a mountaintop and shout "Noonan!"

    • Beowoof

      Shouldn't he be running over a golf course yelling Noonan.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Miss! Missmissmissmissmissmissmiss!

  • Darn, I must be getting old.

    I first started common-tatin' round this joint after an email from David Lat back in May, 2006.

    Welcome back, Jim, ya n00b!

    • Geminisunmars

      Congratulations on your upcoming 17th birthday, ifthe!!!

  • Wow, first Gawker let go of Lauri, and now Jim. What is it, over there, that they have against talent?

    • Nothingisamiss

      this was my second thought, after "HOORAY!"

    • horsedreamer_1

      Newell refused Daulerio's hectoring to get some politico dong up in the place.

  • This is the world's best circle jerk.

    • CapnFatback

      No, this is the world's largest circle, jerk.*

      *Forgive the insult. And the pun. Just forgive my life, really. Please?

      • Iam_Who_Iam

        I suppose it really isn't my place, but I forgive you anyhow. I love all the random links our Wonkettes share, I always learn and laugh so much (frequently simultaneously). I must of been living under some Wonkette political rock for the last few years as I hadn't been aware of that amazing bit of art(?) before.

      • jus_wonderin


    • CapnFatback

      I just saw that you edited your comment to read "best" instead of "largest" before I replied, thus rendering my ha-ha into huh-huh? Well played.

  • chascates

    Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES! Newell RULES!

  • Indiepalin

    Great. If you're interested, I have these two jokes for sale:

    Tonto, blow me pronto


    Kimosabe, bite my lobbie

    These are sold only as a set. Five bucks. Thank you.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So is this a step up, a step down, or a step sideways for Mr. Newell?

    • chascates

      It's his court-ordered community service.

    • nounverb911

      All of them, Katie.

    • G. Friday

      So just step sideways from this place, today…Just step outside this grubby place, today (kazoo solo).

    • It's just a jump to the left….

    • Considering that Newell hasn't left his Capitol Hill rat house since 2008, I am guessing there are not a whole lot of "steps" involved, unless you're talking about the steps behind his kitchen, where he smokes his repulsive cigarettes.

      • qwerty42

        …where he smokes his repulsive cigarettes.
        Now Ken, be nice. Besides, weren't you a press guy? They used to smoke like chimneys.

        • Like most former smokers, I am now an insufferable anti-cigarette nazi.

          • You know who else….oh, hell, you can write the rest in your head…

      • Man0nTheStreet

        But he's been using the cig butts to build a new room onto his hovel – you know, American ingenuity and all that…

    • Yes.

    • jus_wonderin

      "You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out…………………"

    • SorosBot

      I take two steps forward,
      I take two steps back,
      We come together
      'Cause opposites attract

  • CHUDster_Arthur


  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ Meet the Newell boss
    Same as the old boss. ♪

    • doloras

      We won't get trolled again!

  • G. Friday

    Hooray, indeed! I just recovered my long-forgotten password to express my delight.

  • YAY! When is Salon going to fire Pareene?

    • vodkamuppet

      That was my first thought also, too.

    • I_P

      I wish. I miss me some Pareene.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It'll be good to see Newell's stuff at a site that isn't blocked from my office. Um — on those rare occasions I go online at work, that is.

  • chascates

    I hope we'll see the return of the Neweller's keen insight on Dame Peggy Noonington.

    • qwerty42

      Oh, if only. This will be the season of teh krazi, so the whole Wonkette staff will have to be on their toes.
      So, who will be on the crack blogging team in Tampa and Charlotte?


    • elviouslyqueer

      Hear hear! Because Cox and buttsecks made Wonkette what it is today!

      Wait, what?

      • I_P

        Let's not forget our Butterstick. OBEY.

        • V572 the Merciless

          That was definitely the low point. Animals are wonderful and adorable, but don't deserve to be worshipped.

          • DustBowlBlues

            Worship what you will, including animals, but remember to insert the funny in between fuzzy-wuzzy bear posts.

          • V572 the Merciless

            I am chastened.

          • Man0nTheStreet

            The Goddess is NOT amused, Infidel! PREPARE TO BE SMITED-ED!!

          • V572 the Merciless

            I see the light and will now worship your Goddess. Spare this humble apostate!Although I really prefer calicos.

    • Peggy Noonan's Sith apprentice?


    • Dumbedup

      yes, needz more assfucking stories

    • SorosBot

      Hey are you gonna be getting a cool blue bar like Ken et al. now?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wait, isn't posting in all caps a bannable offense?

    • Biff

      Welcome back, ginger.

    • Welcome home, Mr. Newell. Welcome home.

  • Data Exactly

    The old gang is back together again! Well, almost back together again….

  • PhilippePetain


  • Blueb4sunrise


  • superdave

    Who says you can't go home again? Oh right, my parents, that's who.

  • emmelemm

    O Frabjous day, callooh callay!

    • V572 the Merciless

      Here's some funny stuff, if you know any furrin talk:

      The Italian one sucks, though.

      • emmelemm

        I enjoy that there are several Esperanto versions…

        • V572 the Merciless

          But, sadly, no Klingon.

          • Geminisunmars


    • Nothingisamiss

      I'm chortling in my joy.

  • vulpes82

    Hooray! Those Gawker commenters never appreciated you, Jim. Not the way we do!

    Now, get to writing a Dame Nooningtonshire piece, pronto! Dance, monkey, dance!

    • Quantum Suicide

      I appreciated him! So much so that I've defected–I'm sure there will be more coming annnny minute now. Like, hundreds. THOUSANDS even.

  • flamingpdog

    I'm growing wood just anticipating the next Newell post.

    • Geminisunmars

      More raw wood.

    • The one-L newel, it's a column.
      The two-L Newell, more like Gollum.

  • qwerty42

    Welcome back. I left a post in response to your exit on Gawker, and am happy to see you back here.

  • BornInATrailer

    You know who else left for bigger things but then later happily returned?

    • Nothingisamiss

      All of them, Katie.

    • Demi Moore?

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Jackie The Jokeman Marlting?

    • edywin2


    • Blueb4sunrise

      Dorothy Hitler.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Gladys Knight's man?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Deion Branch?

    • Indiepalin

      Nicki Haley?


      Elin Nordegren?
      Heidi Klum?

    • BornInATrailer


      (maybe this is how Gingers spawn?)

    • GOPCrusher

      The wacky Totenkopf Waffen SS Division?

    • jus_wonderin

      The Incredible Fifty Foot Woman? Though, instead of happily returned, she returned happy.

      • AlterNewt

        David Lee Roth?

      • reliefsinn

        So, those rumors about the Jolly Green Giant and The Incredible 50 Foot Woman are true?

        • jus_wonderin

          I thought the Jolly Green Giant was gay.

    • satyricrash

      You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Andy Richter?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else went away for a little while, only to return to great success on the political scene? (It would be even better if Newell had written a book about His Struggle while he was gone).

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Al Franken?

    • Loaded_Pants

      Sarah Palin?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      We won't have Jim Newel to kick around anymore?

    • horsedreamer_1


  • whiskeybaby

    Hooray, Newell returns!!!! I predict 300% more posts that mention space rats. I've missed the space rats.

  • ph7

    Gingers do have souls!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      They must…, right? No… no, I'm sure they do.

    • emmelemm

      Says who?

    • Man0nTheStreet

      I've seen no proof of that – ever.

  • Redhead

    yayayayayayayayaya! Truck nutz and whore diamonds for all! (Too excited to snark!)

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Dad, can we keep him? Pleeeeeeeease?


    seriously, look it up.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Can we dig Riley up from whatever shallow grave in Zucotti park he's in, as well, too?

    • Ha! He fled the country already. Srsly, he's over in Czechoslovakia teaching English.

      But agreeing, he is missed here. Myself in particular, I wish for more international-scene updates..

      • Man0nTheStreet

        "He fled the country already. Srsly, he's over in Czechoslovakia… "

        Hiding from Reichfart's personal boy-grabbers, while pretending to teach Czech to the Slovaks and vice-versa…

  • Nothingisamiss


  • Shut UP!

  • EvieP

    Can we have a Blingee contest to celebrate?

  • OobyDoobyDoo

    no snark…just YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

  • edywin2

    Stuffing that Gawker swag in your pants and walking out the door baby.

  • Gopherit

    Yay! We miss us some newell…..Gawker just wasn't the same.

  • vodkamuppet

    Hear hear indeed. Got so sick of wading through the idiotic Real Housewives recaps to find Jim's posts. And their commenters are terrible. Welcome back!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      That's some gold-plated truth right there.

      Welcome back, Jim!

    • Loaded_Pants

      I had to just quit Gawker altogether. Don't miss it at all.

      • vodkamuppet

        I pretty much quit after the redesign a year ago. I'd still go check out Newell but that's really it. Now I have no reason to go there.

        • Crank_Tango

          I have no idea how the commenting works there…people refer to things being pink and I don't see anything pink.

          And they are a bunch of assholes. I mean we are a bunch of assholes here, but we are usually all firing in the same direction, or thereabouts.

          And then there is the lady that manages to turn everything into something racist…

          • Yes. I know of which lady you speak.

            Unlike everything else I've ever been addicted to, my Gawker addiction has just cured itself over the last month with zero effort on my part. It all started with a post about "Cars With Eyes In The Wrong Places" -or something. They're now going for a Cat Bread Head demographic, apparently. Not my scene.

          • Geminisunmars

            The editor wanted something on how cats are bred, and this is what s/he got.

          • I think his exact instructions were: "Let's keep it light and irrelevant."

  • satyricrash

    I am so, so happy I never have to look at Gawker again. I'm sure this sentiment has already been expressed 800,000 times, but I don't ever read what you preverts hasta say.

    • Loaded_Pants

      But won't you miss those Blind Items they pick from other sites like the one about the actor who's really gay who's married to a singer who's bisexual who likes threesomes with two of her producers?

      • OMeffinG! Did you know every famous person is gay and on drugs?

  • Next thing you know, Slash will rejoin GNR.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Ban Hammer will Return!

    We will be a War Blog again!

    The Sleeper has Awoken!

    • Release the Crackin'!

      All hands on dick!

  • oh, good! finally we can make ginger jokes again.

  • littlebigdaddy

    The Red Menace is back! Yay!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    They come for the buttsex,

    but then they can never leave…..

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Jim, remember all the all that stuff I said when you left? Just kidding.

  • amarain824

    Hi There, I stopped reading Wonkette when I moved out of the district a really, really long time ago. But, being a Jim Newell Groupie has brought me back. :) I imagine you guys are going to get a few more from the gawkerverse….

  • Herman Cain heard that women are from Venus and now he's trying to get Newt to build a colony there too!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Let's give him a test to make sure he's the real Jim.

    Okay, Newell, explain the origins of Joe Lieberman.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Since you're leaving Gawker, does that mean she's dying?

  • Retro futurism.

    (Yes, I dusted off my commenting account for this.)

  • I'll turn off ad-block just for him !

  • neiltheblaze

    This makes me very happy!

  • Today we are all Gingers.

  • Quantum Suicide

    YES! I've defected from Gawker JUST to follow Jim.

    I'll be preparing by re-counting my gold coins and revisiting my stash of Ron Paul newsletters–those things really are timeless.

  • SenileAgitation

    Oh, fine, sure, swell, Mr. Newell (if that's even your real name!), just saunter back whenever you feel the urge, when your fancy new commenters turn on you and there's no place to call home, sure, come back, return of the prodigal poster, kill the fatheaded calf, we'll be here, waiting, hoping and wondering and waiting like the silly little fools we are! Just don't break my heart again Jim! I couldn't bear it!

  • RadioFetusEater

    They all return to the scene of the crime.

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly (Prov. 26:11)

    See! It was ordained in Scripture!

    Wait, is this a sign of the Rapture (TM)?

    • Man0nTheStreet

      Psst!! The Rapture was sooo last year – it was cool and all, but it's over now so try to keep up… k thx bye!

  • flamingpdog

    Can we bring back Sara Benincasa, too – I miss spelunking in her cleavage.

  • TinyDespot

    There is no possible way, barring Ed McMahon's corpse showing up at my house with a large fake check, that I could get any better news today. Amen and pass the biscuits!

    • Geminisunmars

      /////Ding Dong//////

    • Nothingisamiss


  • Jerri

    YES! This is literally the only good news I have heard all day. And, it absolutely made having a shitty rest of the day worth it!

  • In a way, it's like he never left.

    Like that time I found some leftover weed that I totally forgot about.

    Also like that time we got a new President and he kept doing the same shit the old one did.

  • TheWidestStance

    I haven't commented since the upgrade to Intense Debate (or whatever it is, sounds hot though). In honor of Newell's return, I will stop trolling (men's rooms) and start commenting again. Welcome back Newell!

    Not Larry Craig

  • Salam Bombay

    OMG OMG OMG. This is the best news EVER! Jim was being wasted over at Gawker.

  • While we’re at it, I’d also like a pony. (For lunch.)

  • jus_wonderin

    He's not dead. Jim.

  • mileslarboy

    YAY!!!!!!!!! Welcome back! Now I don't have to make an extra trip to Gawker to read you.

  • I_P

    <bursts into song>

    • Man0nTheStreet

      ♪♫ The Hills are Alive, with the Sound of New-well!!! ♬

  • Rotundo_

    Gawker's loss our gain, time to tap a virtual keg and set the Ron Paul blimp on fire or something to celebrate!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    This is when the long knives come out.

  • Veritas78

    If I was Jack Steuf, I'd be PISSED!! Passed over for a reprise cameo by an older, more faded, chunkier ginger! After all the shit stories that Ken sicced Jackie on! Who's a tart got to fuck to get some respect around here?

    • Man0nTheStreet

      All of 'em, Katie!

    • Nothingisamiss

      Jack, is that you?

  • fuflans

    can we get the 'r' word back too?

    • DustBowlBlues

      Shhhhh . . .

  • Welcome back Jim!

  • NYNYNYjr

    I like Jim Newell's writing, I will say, in an unqualified statement of support.

    • NewellPac™® thanks you!

  • JackDempsey1

    Young man, don't forget to roll over your 401(k).

  • Bluestatelibel

    This is bad news for Peggy Noonan. But great news for the rest of us!

  • rocktonsam

    will we be able to type retard again?

    • Biff

      Rolls off the tongue, retard..

    • Nothingisamiss

      So, apparently the word "retar@@d" is what's still banned.

  • Lazy Media

    So say we all.

  • OyeBuelah

    From Gawker – Wonkette Bookmarked!

  • godhammer6

    Gawker lost Jim, Wonkette just gained my readership. Bad move Gawker, bad move.

  • notreelyhelping

    And I feel fine.

  • BearNoLike

    haha key-tinkler for the lobsterbacks haha

    this is a good day

  • sezme

    Newell vs Noonington: this time, it's personal. (Very Happy!)

  • That boy ain't right.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    Who's Jim Newell?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    please Ban-hammer anyone who says "all of them Katie", there I said it.

  • dogscantlookup

    Jim Newell: Sweet jebus this is a good day, A good day!

  • ttommyunger

    I was hoping for Maureen Dowd, Peggy Noonan or maybe Thomas Friedman. Oh well guess we'll have to make do…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Finally, I will be getting my money's worth from Wonkette!

  • Magister

    I've dusted off my commenting account, now hit me with the posts.

    Welcome home!

  • widestanceshakedown

    It's gonna take heroic effort to sandblast the taint of Gawker off him, but we'll be happy to do it.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Ironically, I've heard that working at Gawker is like getting your taint sandblasted.

      • superdave

        Gah! That mental image made me clench.

  • There goes the neighborhood.

  • jus_wonderin

    "Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back……………."

  • Naked_Bunny

    Bah. Newell can't commit. Just ask our children.

  • See, meth addiction rarely works out well.

  • Terry

    Welcome back, Jim! Now I don't have to hang out with New Yorkers to read your posts!

  • johnnymeatworth

    Fuck yeah!

  • Trinket

    Everybody drink!

  • frostbitefalls

    Glad you're back Jim. Here you go.. .

  • Ken is this just a red hairing?

  • bfstevie

    Where can we send the congratulatory Carvel ice cream cake? Cookie Pus couldn't be prouder.

  • I think I've got everything I need. I am ready.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Warning, snark-free comment ahead: that is fucking fabulous! Love it!

  • horsedreamer_1

    2012 Convention Road-Trip??

  • snoopyfan2010

    A red head? Whoo hoo!

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