that'll teach ya

Republican Representative Larry Pittman of Cabarrus County, NC thinks, sort of like Newt Gingrich did back in the ’90s, that capital punishment is the only way to scare people like “abortionists, rapists and kidnappers” (what, no murderers?) into being better citizens (and more conservative). But Pittman goes a step further than Newt: he thinks we should bring back public hanging. It’s the only way, etc. Well, about every 36 seconds a Republican calls for the return of some barbaric practice or another, so big deal. But Pittman had a funny way of expressing his views: not boldly or proudly, in front of his fellow lawmakers or at the very least, atop a milk crate in some park, but in an e-mail that he accidentally sent to every member of the General Assembly of North Carolina. Ah, well.

Pittman, like Taco Man before him, is using the excuse that he was just in a bad mood. Apparently Pittman’s lightbulb of an idea was generated by the pompous e-mail that murderer inmate Danny Robbie Hembree Jr. recently sent to North Carolina’s Gaston Gazette bragging about how wonderful life in prison is and how he’ll never be executed thanks to endless appeals.

Pittman apparently thinks that if we could just hang Hembree, everything would be fine. So presumably just get rid of the court system as well. Have angry mobs vote over whether someone committed a crime and then have them gather in the town courtyard to watch the suckers die. Pittman’s e-mail:

We need to make the death penalty a real deterrent again by actually carrying it out. Every appeal that can be made should have to be made at one time, not in a serial manner,” Pittman wrote in the email. “If murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) are actually executed, it will at least have the deterrent effect upon them. For my money, we should go back to public hangings, which would be more of a deterrent to others, as well.

And then, somewhat swiftly, the apology:

I was filled with anger, disgust, and frustration, as well as a profound sense of grief for the family of the young woman he killed. I felt a need to ‘vent’ some of these feelings and intended to do so to him alone. In the process, I got a bit carried away and overstated my case. I am sure I am not the only one who has ever done that.

No, sir, you are not even the only person (Republican) to have done it this week. Get in line! [WRAL]

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  • Serolf_Divad

    And watch as North Carolina becomes the first Southern State in decades to abolish capital punishment shortly thereafter.

    There's something to be said for exposing the public to the reality this grisly and barbarous crime against humanity.

    • Terry

      I'm shocked that this guy apologized and didn't double down.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think it's very gracious of him — there was no actual need to apologize to the nine people in his district who were offended.

    • Bless your heart.

    • Guppy

      In Dixie? Are you kidding? They'd balance the budget just by selling tickets.

      • OneDollarJuana

        And hush puppies.

        • WunkRocker

          Then Newto will raise that Georgia Battle Flag against Northerns' Aggression on the m00n.

    • __kth__

      I've long thought that televising executions would be a good idea. That way, civilized, decent people would no longer be able to avert their eyes from the butchery being committed in their names.

      Ha, ha, not actually. Make executions public, and about 2 weeks later you'll have Dateline NBC "To Catch A Terrorist", with the waterboarding of random swarthy people; soon, a whole cable channel devoted to punishing dubiously-convicted criminals, Nancy Grace its billionaire founder/personality.

      • Geminisunmars

        oooooo – I just love reality TV.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        and in the eyes of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair we must stare we must stare we must stare.

      • Why don't you have a seat right over there.

    • V572 the Merciless

      Just like conscription means fewer, shorter wars. Well okay except for Vietnam.

      If we're going to do human sacrifice (which is what "capital punishment" really is) we should indeed do it publicly. It shows respect for life!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Actually, you could make the argument that Vietnam, long as it lasted, was somewhat shortened by conscription. The military situation when we finally got the hell out was not hugely worse (or better) than it had been for years previous. What was different was the exhaustion of support at home.

      • MosesInvests

        Hanging was, in fact, originally done by the Germanic and Nordic peoples as a sacrifice to Wotan/Odin.

    • prommie

      Oh, sure, that'll work.
      In New York, when someone crawls out on a ledge, the crowd that gathers below usually starts chanting "jump, jump, jump.

      • Millennial Malaise

        Hey, that's not fair.

        I only yell "Jump!" if it's an investment banker.

        • sewollef

          You know there's a program to protect our bankers, right?

          It's called No Banker Left Behind and is loosely based on the Ry Cooder song of the same name.

        • MaxNeanderthal

          You do know what London "Rhyming slang" means by "investment banker"? Hint: It involves a lot of left-handed use of a computer mouse….

    • SorosBot

      I don't know; that shows a lot more faith in humanity than I have. Many people are nasty and bloodthirsty, and would just love to watch an execution; they'd get off on it. Hell, if they were legal I think bloodsports like the old Roman gladiator games would be very popular.

      • prommie

        Some states let people volunteer to be executioner, I believe, wasn't the firing squad that shot Gilmore composed of volunteers? No shortage of them, either.

        • PuckStopsHere

          Prommie: You just made Neilist cum.

      • GOPCrusher

        Not to mention that we currently have places where people go to wager on animals fighting to the death.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Hell, historically executions WERE public entertainment; a hanging was a festival day, in some places they actually sold tickets, I believe. You actually think we've advanced in the century since then?

  • nounverb911

    Why bother with trials either, just lynch the accused.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Look at those old postcards of everyone smiling around the hanging body. Don't they look deterred?

      • nounverb911

        Aroused is more like it.

      • WhatTheHeck

        This was wildly popular in Europe a few centuries back. Also the beheading thing. People in the front row got to taste the victim as he was dispatched.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Makes sense. Government can't do anything right, let's let the market angry mob decide who is guilty or innocent. But no beheadings, please; that's too Islamic.

    • Or send them to Gitmo, if trials are the problem. Already got that in place so, I dunno, yay us?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I was hanging in public and got cited.

  • What he actually meant was "Let's bring back the public lynchings," so no half-assed apology needed.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I was actually sort of surprised to see that Danny Robbie Hembree Jr. was white. I didn't think that conservative lawmakers usually got so frothy over white murderers.

  • memzilla

    Well, since it has been proven that the death penalty unfairly singles out the blacks and the browns, it's not surprising that an elected representative from the New Confederate States of America is in favor of public hanging.

    Something else that people who live south of the Mason-Teatard line would do support: prison labor. After all, if the State pays for their room and board, the State effectively owns them, right?

    So the State should be able to make some money off of their labor. Perhaps by auctioning off the value of that labor to the highest bidder, also in public. Maybe having the inmates stand on top of a block in the public square?

    • Terry

      "Something else that people who live south of the Mason-Teatard line would do support"

      Fun fact: The Mason-Dixon Line is that long and mostly straight line between Maryland and Pennsylvania. The residents of the really rather blue State of Maryland request that you use another geographic boundary to delineate this sort of thing.

      • memzilla

        We Northeastern Libtards are prepared to offer amnesty to select regions south of said line.

        Our libtard scientists are also working on a time machine to take an expert hypnotist back to 1860, and his target is Abraham Lincoln.

        Our goal is to hypnotize Honest Abe, and have him say to the South:

        "Go ahead and secede if you want. In return, the North declares the Fugitive Slave Act null and void. Any slave who crosses the Ohio River is automatically a freedman. No slave shall be returned to his owner."

        Abe would also create numerous arms and weapons caches along its border with the South. Any slave who wanted to could arm himself.

        • Not good enough, unless you put the guns in the slaves hands IN the South with your time machine. I propose setting your machine to Reconstruction, and making sure the crackers don't get to overturn what the North crammed down their throats.

          • memzilla

            Hmm. If we did that, we'd have to overturn the Presidency of Rutherford B. Hayes, whose "election" was the result of a trade-off: "We'll let your guy be selected as President, in return you get out of the South." By which time, the North was tired of the whole affair anyway.

            How about we have Hypnotized Abe run steamboats along the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers, protected by Navy gunboats, and give the slaves access to free weapons that way?

          • Lets just cut to the chase, make a stop on the way back, and bring the Tuskegee Airmen to provide air coverage for the slave uprisings.

          • memzilla


          • pdiddycornchips

            Sherman seemed to grasp exactly what those southern states required. Can we stuff him in the time machine too?

  • MildMidwesterner

    A lot of women wish more men were hung.

    • freakishlywrong

      *wads up a piece of paper* Rimshot! Heyyyyoooo!

    • memzilla

      Good one, but illustrates the misuse of the words "hung" and "hanged."

      Here's the rule: "Pictures are hung, men are hanged."

      • chicken_thief

        Not to quibble, but (to quibble) John Holmes was hung.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Attention, ladies. I'm (ahem) well-hanged.

        • jus_wonderin

          I like to tell them I am "well appointed" for "well qualified buyers".

      • vtxmcrider

        Because of the effect of hanging on the circulatory system, it can be said that most men who are hanged are hung.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Women. Oh… mean women too.

  • If public hanging means a Republican is in a bad mood, then flogging and stocks means a good mood.

    Works for me.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Republicans don't mind a good flogging, as long as they're the guest of honor.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    It's because conservatives are dumb, duuuuh.

  • nounverb911

    Extra points if the head comes off?

    • Even moar points if the hangman can keep the hangee dancin' for a half hour.

    • memzilla

      Actually, for an artful hangman, that's the last thing you want.

      The science of hanging is to properly compute drop distance and weight. Too short a drop, the lynchee strangles slowly. Too long a drop, the head comes off the spine.

      Either extreme tends to upset the women and children, and you don't get to keep your jerb.

      The best hanging is a quick affair. The noose is positioned to the side of the neck, in order to snap it quickly.

      Again, the audience wants a quick dangle, not a long strangle.

      Oh, and one more thing: proper usage of the past tense. Here's the rule: "Pictures are hung, men are hanged."

      • You are well-positioned to get in on the ground floor of this burgeoning industry.

        • memzilla

          Well, I am white, so there's that. But I wince at your words: the only one you want to see on the "ground floor" of this industry is the guy being hanged.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Of course, there's nothing artful about the pantload that results from the anal sphincter letting go of that last meal.

      • Negropolis

        You know way too much about this.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      No, that's too Islamic

  • Tundra Grifter

    Attorney General Ed Meese thought all that rights stuff was fine for the innocent, but really wasn't suitable for suspects because if they were suspects it was obvious they were guilty.

  • Local_Mojo

    If Pastor Pittman's Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, had followed this line of reasoning, things might have turned out better for him.

  • prommie

    Someone should tell him that the real trick to maximizing the deterrent effect is to leave the body hanging, or better yet, put it on a gibbet, and let it rot out there in public in the main square for a couple of months.

    • SoBeach

      How about a brutal public whipping followed by attaching them to some boards and letting them moan in agony for a few days before they die of thirst or exposure?

      THAT would be a deterrent.

      Plus it's in the Bible, so you know the fundies will approve.

      • prommie

        I'm going to start wearing a little gold execution table on a chain around my neck, those tables they strap them down on, with one arm out for the IV, I am gonna have a jeweler make me one. That will make me laugh inside, all day.

        • jus_wonderin

          That would sell like hotcakes! Mmmm. Hotcakes.

    • GOPCrusher

      Lets just return to the time honored tradition of putting the severed heads on pikes along the city walls.
      Carrion birds gotta eat too.

    • sewollef

      "….put it on a gibbet, and let it rot out there in public in the main square for a couple of months."

      And look how well that worked out in middle ages England. We got Cromwell, Lord Protector, executioner-in-chief of the former King Charles [hung, drawn and quartered], and merciless hunter of papist dogs.

      At least England became a republic for a few years, which was a generally good thing. Unless you were a Royalist [or a papist dog].

    • yrbmegr

      It's not like they couldn't display the bodies of executed prisoners today, if they wanted to. It would reduce opportunities for Westboro Baptist Church to protest.

  • Good idea. Let's start with Larry Pittman of Cabarrus County.

  • DahBoner

    Let’s Bring Back Public Hangings

    If you're talking about hanging treasonous traitors who put their party ahead of their Country and want to destroy America for the benefit of International Crony Capitalists…

    …then now you're talking!!!!!

  • Hang one guy currently on death row = solve everything.

    • PuckStopsHere

      As heard on Fox…

  • CrunchyKnee

    Strange fruit, indeed.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Well done.

  • HempDogbane

    "and I would include abortionists, rapists, kidnappers and people who accidentally hit reply all, as well"

    • GOPCrusher

      Why do these people always miss the irony behind wanting to execute abortionists?

  • prommie

    I bet Larry has even better than 80% support among prison inmates.


    Surely I'm not the only one who read that as "abolitionists, rapists, and kidnappers."

  • neiltheblaze

    Screw that, let's bring back public beheadings.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Dr. Guillotine?

      • HamsterSandwich

        The Guillotine is still the finest “Heads-off” machine ever made.

        just sayin', that's all

    • Chichikovovich

      I think what the tea partiers would benefit from is some public reheadings.

    • prommie

      La Belle France, most civilized of countries, only stopped that in our parents lifetime (the early 30s). Hey, you know? Its more civilized, or less uncivilized, than Nascar.

      • Negropolis

        It's crazy. Old commie Canada was hanging people all the way into the 60's.

  • He forgot "horse thieves."

  • Baconzgood


    • Generation[redacted]

      She turned our GOP candidate into a Newt!

  • I would like to propose that we bring back public crucifixion. Christian nation and all.

    • Barb

      You nailed it!

      • I'm….so in love with youuu….

      • chicken_thief

        That was a side splitter!!!

    • Is your new avatar a Rasta Mandelbrot set?

      • A little bit fractal, a little bit Rorschach. The top part of the sillhouette is Burning Spear's dreads akimbo.

      • Unless a Mandelbrot set is some sort of Pesach tableware. You know, for setting out a nice plate of sliced mandelbrot.

        • GOPCrusher

          See, I prefer my Mandlebrots on the BBQ in a Leninkugel's beer bath.

          • Cut one open, and inside are an infinite number of smaller 'brots.

    • Dashboard Buddha


      *Initiate Nail Removal Immediately.

      (I wish I made that up)

    • An_Outhouse

      If it was good enough for our Lord …

  • WhatTheHeck

    And yeah. I can see the next of kin of the deceased seeking compensation for the rope burns suffered by the hangee.
    Can one get unemployment benefits for being an ex hangman?

    • Steverino247

      No, and you can't get alms for being an ex-leper, either.

  • MinAgain

    At least he doesn't think AIDS came from monkeys having sex with people, which puts him one up on Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Without public hangings, how are we to discourage the monkey rapers?

      • Barb

        Maybe some of those monkeys shouldn't dress so provocatively.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Let's be honest. Who amongst us hasn't looked at a Francois Langur and thought "I'd totally hit that"?

          • Barb

            Yes, that is a banana in my pocket and I am glad to see you!

          • Biff


    • Actually, I think that's a plausible theory. You know that somebody, somewhere, has had sex with a monkey. Ask Neal Horsley.

  • freakishlywrong

    That picture is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

    • walterhwhite

      I guess you've never seen actual photographs of lynchings, which are much more graphic.

      • HuddledMass

        Wonkette meme, honey. You're new here, aren't you?

    • Negropolis

      Can someone point me to exactly where that came from? It must have been before my time, here.

      • freakishlywrong

        During the election, I believe Ken used an image of a lynching and I forget who, now, made that comment. A lot of us agreed. It has since been, indeed, a Wonkette meme.

  • Ducksworthy

    Hanging, disembowelment and quartering are also entertaining. Especially when combined and applied to GOP politicians.

    • MissTaken

      I quite enjoy seeing heads rotting on pikes on a bridge.

      • Terry

        If you dip them in tar they don't rot as quickly.

        • GOPCrusher

          Who says that reading Wonkette is not educational?

  • MissTaken

    This is good news for rope makers.

    • Will there be new booths at next year's Hempfest?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Rope makers overseas maybe.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Can we trust Chinese rope? After all, the Chinese are generally much, much slimmer that Americans who have spent a lifetime shoving Mountain Dew and corn dogs down their gullets. I fear that Chinese rope will break, allowing the suspect to run waddle free.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          That will be a moot point since the folks that used to make Chinese drywall will be the ones making the rope. Everyone is gonna die.

    • Guppy

      Can't they just host a bondage convention instead?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    How about stonings or is that a lttle too close to that Sharia law crap conservatives are always blathering about?

    • nounverb911
    • DahBoner

      "How about stoning"

      Bill and Ted like this comment…

    • Generation[redacted]

      Not even if he says Jehova!

  • He should be careful what he wishes for. Back when Dubya was preznit, they didn't want coffins from Iraq on teevee because it would upset the war effort. A few years ago, Phil Donahue wanted to broadcast an execution and — as I recall — conservatives were opposed because seeing someone executed would undermine support for the death penalty.

    And where is the sanctity of human life in all this? They worship (and cheer) the death penalty like they worship Jeebus. NOTE TO REPUBICANS: Jesus was against the death penalty, especially toward the end.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Even Jesus wanted a little more time when he was walking Spanish down the hall.

  • VaWyo

    Think of all the jobs that would be created. Genius.

    • Gibbet framers. Pike smiths. Hoodmakers. All small businessmen and women.

  • chascates

    "Our country's national crime is lynching. It is not the creature of an hour, the sudden outburst of uncontrolled fury, or the unspeakable brutality of an insane mob."
    –Ida B. Wells

  • OT – a yin for the public yanging

    I know it’s supposed to be snark 24/7 here at the Wonkette, but this video is just too dear not to share. Traci, the person on the right in the video, has established such a rapport with the mother otter Aniak that they put the pup back on mom for a rest, but just a few seconds later at about 2:56 in the tape mom gives the pup back to vet, the person on the left. Aniak is as much as saying “Oh noes, you two are the au pairs, and I need to eat for two so keep those shrimp and Dungeness crabs a’ comin’.”

    • MissTaken

      Okay, I just literally "squee-d" out loud. I'm such a girl. Thank you, I needed that!

      • SorosBot

        You don't need to be a girl to squee at that; it was so cute.

        • jus_wonderin

          I approve of this message. Cute, indeed!

    • Guppy

      Baby otters! Baby otters! Baby otters!

    • Gunner Asch

      That's a lot of clams and shrimp. If mama is to keep her svelte figure maybe they should try Flamenco guitar to soothe her. It works for Marlene on Penguins of Madagascar (my granddaughter is 6, so I am current on this show.)

  • freakishlywrong

    OT, but speaking of public hangings; ABC's This Week with Conservatards will feature not one but two huge fucking assholes to propagandize with no pushback. Newtie and Boner. I won't be watching.

    • Biff

      ..the fuck?

  • C_R_Eature

    Hey, Larry, I've got a question for you:

    What's the wrongful conviction rate in North Carolina?

    Just askin'. Wouldn't be any, you know, Racial Bias in the conviction rate, would there? Thought so.

    You folks really don't care what you look like when you go out in public, do you?

    • swordfis

      FYI – I guess they don't have google in NC:

      For Every Six People Executed In North Carolina, One Innocent Person Has Been Removed From Death Row.

      The most compelling reason for a temporary halt on executions in North Carolina is that problems with the current capital punishment system are so widespread that there is the real possibility that an innocent person could be executed. The people in North Carolina have reason to fear that could happen. Under our current death penalty law, at least nine innocent people have been wrongfully convicted of first-degree murder – seven of their stories are below.

      • C_R_Eature

        Yeah, I know it was high and, really, one innocent person executed is too many. Unless you're in Texas, then it's just Balls Out Kill 'em all.

        These days it takes seconds to find information and a few more to cross check sources for accuracy. Unless you were too lazy that day, like me…

  • SorosBot

    He doesn't go far enough; we should bring back public impaling, like old Vlad used, with the bodies left on the pole in front of the statehouse as a warning to all. We should bring back burning witches, too!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Vlad once turned back an entire army by impaling every citizen in one of his own villages! The invading army saw victims set up like an army of scarecrows, freaked out and turned around. True fact!

      We could use the same tactic to keep the South safe from terrorists.

    • MissTaken

      You don't get called Vlad the Impaler by letting your prisoners sit around all day watching tv and lifting weights in the yard while awaiting their appeals. Vlad had a reputation to uphold.

      • Vlad the Incarcerator! No, let's see, Vlad the Rehabilitator!

        • Biff

          Rehab worked pretty well in Idiocracy, din't it?

      • SorosBot

        And if he was Vlad the Pretty Nice Guy he probably wouldn't be remembered today as he is.

        Although I can think of a nonviolent way a man could get called "the Impaler", although he would have to be, well, very large, if you know what I mean.

  • spends2much

    Let's bring back Witch Burning. Start with Palin. Oh wait, that would be a Bitch Burning.
    Also, the fumes from the melting makeup would be incredibly toxic.

    • GOPCrusher

      Xtine O'Donnell. She says she isn't a witch, but isn't that what you would expect a witch to say?

      • vtxmcrider

        The only way to know for sure is to hold her under water. If she drowns, she is innocent; if she floats, she is a witch, and then you can hang her or burn her at the stake.

        • MosesInvests

          Or, you could just see if she weighs the same as a duck.

    • Negropolis

      Bring back? Hell, I believe it remains Kansas' prefered method of execution.

  • widestanceshakedown

    The true conservative value would be to keep hangings where they belong–done in secret by gangs of the righteous.

    • GOPCrusher

      You can tell they're righteous by the white robes that they wear.

  • chascates

    And we can try the accused in a trial by ordeal: seeing if they float in water or can retrieve a stone from boiling oil.

  • Baconzgood

    "Every appeal that can be made should have to be made at one time," Yeah because all appeals courts meet in the same room at the same times and aren't divided into State and Federal judicial circuits.

  • MinAgain

    As I recall, public hangings didn't stop people from breaking the law. They were, however, a boon for local merchants who sold picnic baskets.

  • Redhead

    "I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well" – yay, let's hang citizens who actually haven't committed any crimes according to NC general statutes just because you dislike them! Bring back Versailles and the guillotine while you're at it!

    • sharethegrief

      Too French. Repubs still order Freedom Fries.

  • They're not really making it hard to find proof of wingnut Stupidity, are they?

  • An_Outhouse

    You can't hang murderers because the hang man is a murderer. Pretty soon the only person left is the last executioner. Its a riddle wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a puzzle.

    • C_R_Eature

      That's where the Robots come in.

      " Three laws? We don't need no ESTEENKIN' Three laws!"

    • swordfis

      "First they came for the hangmen – and achieved negative population growth."

  • BarackMyWorld

    The 2 most effective deterrents to crime: belief that doing the crime is wrong, and belief you're going to get caught. Therefore, let's cut the education and law enforcement budgets.

  • meatlofer

    OK, but if we do,can the rope be made out of Hemp?

    • Ruhe

      Hand-rolled by the condemned themselves? That is justice!

  • I get it! All the other Wonkette contributors are staging an intervention with Matt Langer over his "be nice to Stupids" trip!

  • Sparky MacGyver

    How about hanging bankers that committed mortgage fraud? I'm open to discussion on this issue if we include the wall street bastards.

  • BarackMyWorld

    OT…oh, look, Gov. Brewer's an even bigger liar than we already thought:
    2nd Mayor Says Obama ‘Wasn’t Tense At All’ During Brewer Encounter

    • Don't you understand? Even the most intellectually vapid White Woman Lesser-State "Executive", who is an embarrassment to her gender, state and office, is of higher social status than a Negro President Of The United States, and has every right to be aggrieved by his insubordination.

      • Chichikovovich

        Y'know Chet, sometimes a single sentence can sum matters up so eloquently that all further comment is rendered superfluous. This is one of those times.

      • GOPCrusher


    • Dashboard Buddha

      In fact, in the picture he looks like he's trying to suppress a grin.

      • Chichikovovich

        He's thinking "Hey Beavis, pull my finger".

  • thefrontpage

    Hi! I'm U.S. Sen. Thaddius Brockington III, Vermont Democrat, and you should know that I have introduced U.S. Senate bill HS S-16938481 in the U.S. Senate, and this bill clearly calls for the immediate hanging of any U.S. conservative Republican politician who says something so incredibly insane, psycho, stupid, moronic, ignorant, uneduated and dumb, that that statement in no way helps lead this country forward. The politican shall be hanged, effective immediately, with no chance of appeal or hearings. I believe that this bill will greatly improve the overall intelligence, health and standing of the United States of America.

    –Thaddius Brockington III
    U.S. Senate
    Washington, D.C.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Paultards will get behind this if they promise to use hemp rope

  • Indiepalin

    And by doing so, states could tap into a previously unthought of revenue stream. If people will pay $99 for a Pacquiao – Mayweather fight, how much would they pay for the hanging of Iowa native John Wayne?

  • SorosBot

    "and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well"

    How about we add traitors to this list, which would include anyone who flies a certain flag that was used by traitors 150 years ago?

  • BornInATrailer

    "And I'm also sorry about the abortionists comment too. A complete coincidence due to my misspelling of abolitionists."

  • OneDollarJuana


    • Blueb4sunrise

      The classics are classics for a reason.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    We have a coliseum here in Oakland, CA. Maybe we could throw a few fundies to the lions?

    • Steverino247

      I used to know a guy who called about once a month and asked about renting the local stadium. The conversation went along quite nicely until the caller outlined what he had in mind for the entertainment. That's when the sales guy hung up on him.

    • MissTaken

      And it would be super-convenient to just take BART to watch the spectacle. Win!

  • C_R_Eature

    I've reconsidered my opposition to Public hanging.

    I'm all for it, if it happens in Nuremberg, after the War Crimes trials.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    The church used to perform the death penalty.

    • MosesInvests

      Actually, the Church would hand convicted heretics, blasphemers and witches over to the Secular Arm (the King) for execution of sentence, since the Holy Fathers were forbidden to shed blood.

  • WiscDad

    Is this the same guy that wanted the firing squad brought back?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    OT, but it looks like Cooter is aimin' to destroy Newt

    Money quote: "It testifies to the fact that Mr Gingrich cannot be destroyed by conventional weapons – he is the abominable Newt Man."

    • You've got Newts in your Cooter!

    • Chichikovovich

      "It's astonishing to me that this has come back around. It testifies to the fact that Mr Gingrich cannot be destroyed by conventional weapons – he is just like those confounded Duke boys, dagnabit!"

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Bullets cannot stop him!

  • Steverino247

    We need to have some Bonobo DNA inserted somehow into our gene pool. Somebody gets in your way, you rub his balls for a few seconds and he moves.

    (I'll be at the corner of 5th and Market, ladies.)

    • MissTaken
      • SorosBot

        He sounds like an, uh, interesting guy. He reminds me of a guy I used to see all the time in Chicago, who would march up and down Michigan avenue with a sign warning that the Soviet Russians (and this was in 1999 & 2000) had kidnapped Al Gore and replaced him with a robot, and that they were using weather control technology to destroy America.

        • MissTaken

          I consider it a lucky day if I have a Frank Chu spotting.

          Now the 12 Galaxies makes zero sense, but I can totally believe that who we know of as Al Gore is really a robot.

          BTW, please refrain from using "uh" when referring to anything other than, um, well, you know what I mean.

          • Extemporanus

            A small part of me died inside the day Frank Chu started selling ad space on his sign.

            Doing so did allow him to finally afford shoelaces, though, so I guess I can't really blame him.

    • prommie

      I think we already have that bonobo DNA in us; I'll get out of the way for anyone who rubs my balls; hell, I'd follow them around all day.

    • Extemporanus

      Love your work, Steverino…

      • Steverino247

        Thanks. Just for that, you're exempted from rubbing my balls.

      • Biff

        No masturbation? He goes too far!

    • Steverino247

      So glad you caught on that I was kidding about where I was going to be.

      • MissTaken

        WHAT??? You mean I've been standing outside the cable car coffee for the last half and hour for nothing???!!

        • Steverino247

          Stay right where you are. I'm calling a travel agent as soon as I log off here. I can be there in time for dinner.

  • Extemporanus

    FU_K YO_

  • Allmighty_Manos

    What a liberal pussy. Real law-and-order conservatives are down with drawing and quartering.

    • Don't be a bleeding heart pansy, Manos. Drawing and sixteenthing should be the mandatory sentence. For first offenders.

  • prommie

    Think of the revenue that could be generated selling the liver, lungs, hearts, eyes, kidneys! Model the operation after what China does.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      For a minute I thought you were talking about selling refreshments. The concession stand at Tyburn probably sold kidney pies.

  • Ruhe

    Matt Langer from the previous post:
    "Since, you know, the one thing the country needs right now more than just about anything else is yet another excuse to avoid the hard work of looking at those we disagree with as equal partners in a national conversation, people who we must engage with and convince-"

    Me: Well…I would counter that conversing with folks on that side of the aisle can be a bit tiresome and often feels like a fruitless effort…I'm not sure we can count on that working…

    NC Rep Larry Pitman interjects:
    "Every appeal that can be made should have to be made at one time, not in a serial manner."

    Me: Quod Erat Demonstrandum, Baby.

    • Biff

      Like teaching a pig to sing, and by pig of course I mean gingrich.

  • mavenmaven

    At first glance I thought this was the usual racist thing, but honestly, this Hembree guy (a non-minority) is obviously the worst kind of callous murderer of women, and one can see how anyone could be provoked to similar comments after his letter. While the criminal justice system in much of the US is twisted, there are some bad people out there.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Oh sure, play the empathy card.

  • Ruhe

    For the sake of ten righteous men God would have let Sodom go on. What is an acceptable percentage of innocents among the guilty hung in order to restore the appropriate "deterrent" sheen to capital punishment? I'm guessing that based on Dick Cheney's groundbreaking thinking it would be right around 10%.

  • Indiepalin

    Headline of the day (Time):

    "Pat Sajak Admits to Hosting Drunk"

    • Eve8Apples

      I've hosted many drunks in my home and have usually enjoyed it.

      • Indiepalin

        I'd like to buy a bowel.

    • vtxmcrider

      How did he avoid getting dizzy when Vanna would spin those fucking letters around?

  • Eve8Apples

    Here's my 2 cents:

    If we use the death penalty on a suspect who is later proven innocent by DNA or other evidence, then we get to execute the judge, jury, prosecutor, police and executioner who are responsible for murdering an innocent citizen. That should dampen the enthusiasm for killing people.

    • Indiepalin

      No. A better approach would be to extract a sample of the alleged killer's DNA, and if, afterward, he or she turns out to be innocent, simply re-clone that person at state expense. Problem solved.

  • Nostrildamus

    Celebrity Executions: Coming this fall on TLC!

  • Dürers Rhino

    Pittman's response was barbaric and never should have left his pea-brain, but Hembree is a really nasty piece of work. I wouldn't hang him tomorrow, or support any legislator that seriously moved to do so, but I would ask that the editors not publish any further correspondence from him; the letter was pretty rough for the victim's family to read.

    ETA: I live less than five miles from Central Prison as the crow flies. I can guarantee you that Hembree is not living a life of leisure or comfort.

  • Poindexter718

    Guy prolly just wants to get a look at the hangee's stiffie.

  • rickmaci

    I'm good with stoning adulterers, too. Line starts at the Gingrich house!

  • Since it is North Carolina at least everyone would know that justice would be applied without prejudice especially in cases that lead to the swift, public imposition of the death penalty.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    It's easy for the faithful to get confused, Exodus states "thou shall not kill", Numbers and Leviticus tell you to do it with detailed methods. Deuteronomy goes both ways. Anybody keeping track of how many rocks Newt has to duck, being an adulterer and all that?

    • MosesInvests

      Erm, the Hebrew original actually says "Thou shalt not *murder*". Biblical law, like the law almost everywhere, distinguishes between murder, manslaughter and justifiable homicide.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Memphis Slim advises that we Rock the House

    Please do so at the earliest opportunity.

  • Ramon X

    "“If murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) are actually executed, it will at least have the deterrent effect upon them."

    Well. I have to give him that one. There is practically no subsequent objectionable behavior among the actually executed.

  • Ah, yes, the GOP, the proud pro-life party… well, pro-life until the little bugger sticks his head out of his mother's crotch, then screw him!

  • owhatever

    Bill O'Reilly will list this guy as a Patriot, not a Pinhead.

  • vtxmcrider

    I bet he is one of those southern schizophrenics: all in favor of public hanging yet dead-set against TruckNutz.

  • Negropolis

    I'm totally confused by the apology. The cat was out of the bag. That wasn't an "oops" email; it was an email stating exactly what he believes.

    This is the central intellectual problem with the capital punishment. It can never be fully applied without emotion. It's just a petty, primal revenge fantasy, no matter how much you try to gussy it up with needles and chemicals and appeals, and people are angry because he called back for the gallows? Really?

    This civilization is ill, so very ill. In a race that has sent ourselves to the moon and broken some secrets of the atom, we still have yet to come to grips with civilized ways to administer justice, and more constructive ways to channel societal hurt and anger.

    But, let's down a beer, and put another criminal on the barbie (even better if he's blah), and lose consciousness just long enough to numb what would otherwise be crippling guilt and the emptiness present in realizing that trading one injustice for another isn't actual justice…

    Of all the things I'm proud of concerning my state, that it was one of the first democratic institution in modern times to ban the death penalty has got to be tops. I don't say that smuggly or self-righteously, but honestly.

  • ttommyunger

    "…I was filled with anger, disgust, and frustration…" A succinct and totally accurate description of the "Conservative" state of mind, 24/7, ever since they lost the White House.

  • mormos

    I've always wondered, do these people believe this shit or are they just being demagogues?

    And as someone who has been to prison I can tell you, shit's horrible. Like, inhumane. Sealing people in a five by eight box with two other dudes 23 hours a day is a crime they should send people to prison for.

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