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It seems reasonable to predict that about ninety-nine out of every hundred news analysis pieces about Mitt Romney from now until the general election are going to be making the argument that Mittens is a black hole for strongly-held convictions who appears to be running for office since it just sort of seems like the thing for a bored multi-millionaire to do every few years, because that’s about the rate at which we have been seeing these stories since 2007. So Mittens will just clear this up right now for everyone: he told an audience at a rally in Boston that he doesn’t really know how he ended up running, it’s just some “unusual thing” that he “backed into” because he was a skinny, unpopular dork in high school. No more terse media analysis needed!

The Boston Globe reports:

“I have to tell you: This chance to run for President of the United States, I never imagined I’d do it,” Romney said. “This is just a very strange and unusual thing to be in the middle of. But one of the, I mean, I was just a high school kid like everybody else with skinny legs.”

“Somehow I backed into the chance to do this,” added Romney, who ran for US Senate in 1994, governor in 2002, and president in 2008.

To elaborate, he also pointed out during Sunday’s GOP debate that he ran his losing campaign for the Senate against Ted Kennedy in 1994 for absolutely no other reason than to annoy him, via TPM:

“I was happy that [Ted Kennedy] had to take a mortgage out on his house to ultimately defeat me,” Romney said. He added that he never expected to win the election.

“I happened to have been wise enough to realize I did not have a ghost of a chance of beating him…I told my partners in my firm, I’ll be six months, don’t take my chair,” he said.

See, America? Mitt Romney doesn’t really want to be your President. He just wants to be annoying. [Boston Globe/ TPM]

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  • Mittens has some serious daddy issues…

    • bureaucrap

      Interesting that when Al Gore was running for President, everyone pyschoanalyzed him to death about the lingering shadow of his father the Senator. Perhaps we should see more articles about Mitt's obsession with the lingering shadow of HIS father the Governor. Just to be fair.

      • You know what's worse? At least Dubya -the other GOP textbook case of Daddy Issues – and his father got to sit in the Oval office. The Romneys never did and never will. I almost feel bad for the guy…almost…

        • Biff

          The fact that both bushes got to sit in the Oval Office makes me feel bad for the rest of US.

          • WunkRocker

            "He just wants to be annoying. "
            Well he's gonna have to work a lot harder to beat SantoPoo in that respect.

      • Allmighty_Manos

        Mittens wants to pretend his daddy never existed. George was too nice to black people.

    • memzilla

      Don't worry! That worked out so well for us with the last preznit!

      • GOPCrusher

        Yeah, we spent a trillion dollars so George could work out his daddy issues.

  • AlterNewt

    “Somehow I backed into the chance to do this,”

    Your move, Santorum.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I was gonna ask Rick Perry.

    • DaRooster

      "Your movement, Santorum."

    • chicken_thief

      Marcus has a cure for that.

    • Nostrildamus

      The Santorum bubble will burst and Mittens will glide to an easy win.

  • Where else but America can the multimillionaire son of a millionaire governor go from stockboy at an office supply retailer to President?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The closest Mittens ever got to a pink slip was when he arranged to have them handed out — at Bain Capital, the douche started as the CEO.

  • memzilla

    Translation: "The US gummint is a prime takeover target," said Romney, noted serial predatory capitalist. "Once we're on the board, we'll slice it up and sell off the parts to the highest bidder. I'm running on my long and successful track record in doing just that."

    • This. End of story.

    • ThundercatHo

      I really hope Great Britain takes Ohio cuz that Prince Harry is just dreamy….

  • GuanoFaucet

    Mitt Romney doesn’t really want to be your President. He just wants to be annoying.

    Mission accomplished.

    • Not_So_Much

      Needs moar flightsuit codpiece.

    • proudgrampa

      Fersure.

    • GOPCrusher

      Ron Paul has also stated that he realizes he has no chance to win the nomination. He just wants to advance his agenda. I did not realize that the Republiklan Party was going away from racism as one of their platform issues.

  • bureaucrap

    Mitt, if all you want to do is annoy people, you have succeeded beyond your wildest expectations. Please declare victory and go home now.

  • "I told my partners in my firm, I’ll be six months, don’t take my chair….. and don't stop plundering major employers. This hair doesn't style itself!"

  • SorosBot

    Vote Romney for President; or don't, whatever, it's not like he really cares.

  • Presumptive nominee is presumptive.

  • Oh please. He's been running for president since the first time he stole a toy from another baby in the sandbox.

    • chicken_thief

      To be fair, he was only doing what was best for the investors.

  • mavenmaven

    What kind of legs does he believe he has now? Wide stance legs?

    • PsycWench

      All the better for backing into things.

      • jus_wonderin

        Mitt, meet doorknob. Doorknob, meet Mitt.

        • chicken_thief

          Is that one of those Alabama jokes where the guy introduces his wife and sister and there is only one person standing there?

  • freakishlywrong

    See, America? Mitt Romney doesn’t really want to be your President. He just wants to be annoying.

    For once, me n' Mittens have found bipartisan common ground. Will the pundits love me now?

  • bureaucrap

    If he wants to be King of the World, I know the prow of a doomed steamship he can go stand on.

  • Radiotherapy

    He also has no idea how he ended up in Paris during the Vietnam War.

    • chicken_thief

      Roughing it in a villa that had only a few servants. But then, riding in a car with him behind the wheel was about as dangerous as being in Viet Nam.

      • Radiotherapy

        Especially to the pedestrian struck and killed.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He backed in.

  • neiltheblaze

    Oh for fuck's sake, he's been running for President since he lost his junior high class president race.

  • hagajim

    "I don't really know why I am running" = I am a narcissistic asshole who thinks he knows what is best for everyone.

  • An_Outhouse

    Two more reasons to despise Willard Two Point Oh. What an unbelievably arrogant narcissist. Its Willard's World, we're just here for his amusement. Where are the anarchists when you need them.

    • He's prolly taking dollar bets on whether he wins the nomination or not…

      • Geminisunmars

        $10,000 bets, prolly.

      • Biff

        $10K, because he's just that in touch with the commoners.

  • SpiderCrab

    Put simply, Mittens is a pathological liar.
    http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2009/05/narcissism-p

    • The suggestion Ted Kennedy borrowed against his house to fund a campaign has to be the biggest lie of all.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Whew. Self-awareness not activated. . .yet.

    My guess is that he's running to fill his idle days, since he's been running for president for as long as I remember (which isn't long, but whatevs).

  • Alt text suggestion: Drop your drawers, bend over, and relax, America…

    P.S. The Photographs of Your Junk will be publicized
    ~

    • Geminisunmars

      Genius. Thanks for that.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      awesome. love it!

  • Mittens added: "At the risk of misquoting that guy Rumsfeld, which I don't believe anyone has done before: you get the candidate you have, not the candidate who wishes he held the office."

  • Rosie_Scenario

    I guess he went to Paris as a Mormon missionary just to be annoying, too. Can you imagine a more futile place to convert people than trying to convince the French to give up coffee, cigarettes, wine and ooh-la-la? MItt is a real misfit.

    • memzilla

      To be fair, he thought he convert the French by starting with the "magic underpants" thing and go on from there.

    • GOPCrusher

      Seriously. Who do have to blow to get a Mormon Mission in Paris? Most Mormons go to Third-World shitholes like sub-Saharan Africa, South East Asia, or Cleveland, Mississippi to convert people.

      • SorosBot

        But most Mormons aren't the son of the governor of Michigan.

      • Geminisunmars

        Nice work if you can get it.

    • Although, if your goal is to annoy, what could be more annoying than a zealous, recently-converted French Mormon (if such a chimera were possible)?

  • Take my arm. Take my leg. Oh, baby, doncha take my… chair?!?!?

  • fartknocker

    I know that Ted Kennedy had issues but I considered a good statesman and was compassionate toward the middle class. Based on this latest statement by Mittens, this election and the office of the POTUS is nothing more than an exercise about who can make the biggest smiley face when peeing in the snow.

    I can see why Conservatives are flocking towards Santorum.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Gee, wasn't there a time when people ran for president in order to do something good for their country? On account of they loved it? I read something about that somewhere, once. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country or some such crap. Maybe it was a fictional story. I can't remember.

    • proudgrampa

      Yeah, I think it was a fantasy. Something about Camelot or something.

  • Well, goddamn. I don't even know where to start.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’ve recently discovered that Mitt’s voice is triggering Turrets-like symptoms in me. Anyone else having this problem?

    • paris biltong

      Tourette's, asshole. Oh shit! Never mind. Fuck that.

    • MissTaken

      Ah shit, you're fucking right. Son of a bitch!

    • DaRooster

      How come nobody ever gets Polite Tourettes?
      "DAMN, THAT'S A NICE HAT!"
      or
      "YOU LOST WEIGHT!"

      • Geminisunmars

        That's a good explanation for my Auntie Rose, now that you mention it.

    • Isyaignert

      I suffer from general Republican Turrets – I swear uncontrollably every time I hear one of those douche nozzles speak. It started in 2000 and has been getting progressively worse,

      • Geminisunmars

        Me too. Plus horrible nausea and vomiting, and severe depression.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Gives me Turrets. I wanna rotate and fire large caliber guns at these motherfuckers.

  • Romney doesn't want to be President he just wants to be a candidate forever.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Well, of course. That's where the money is.

    • Geminisunmars

      Let's hope he gets his wish.

    • arihaya

      Harold Stassen Libel !!

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      my guess is there must be a BIG tax write-off for him

  • Goonemeritus

    This might be a stretch but could the roots of the Mormon religion being essentially an end times cult have something to do with it?

  • Good Christ, if all I wanted from a Grecian Formula spokesmodel was to be annoyed, I'd dial back through time to when I sat around those summers watching Bob Barker on Price is Right.. And even then, the day came when Bob finally went silver, and you wanted to credit him for "honesty," but the spray-on tan radiating from his person blocked my will to do so.

    • Radiotherapy

      Dag, and here I thought the Price is Right was merely a reflection of free markets and capitalism. And what was the deal with that pencil dick microphone? Don't even get me started on Drew Carey.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe all unemployed middle-class white people should run for president.

    • Biff

      Most unemployed USAmericans aren't middle-class anymore, is why.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    “Somehow I backed into the chance to do this,” added Romney. I think that was Larry Craig's excuse too.

  • In high school, everyone was like Mittens – except for the drinking, drug use and not having the obscenely rich and powerful father.

    but almost.

  • Sue4466

    So, all those stories have been right: he's a bored rich bastard who runs for office just because he has the money and can't think of anything else to do. Maybe next he can join Richard Branson's space program.

    • ThundercatHo

      Good plan. That way he can get dibs on the best planet.

    • Biff

      In a just world, we'd tie him to the roof.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Ten minutes later, Mittens said he is running because Tebow told him to.

    • … told him to run, on three! hut! hut! hut!

      • DaRooster

        … just don't stand still 'cuz I won't get it close.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And next week he'll be crediting Tom Brady as his inspiration with his can-do spirit and never say die attitude (and Michigan connections).

  • elviouslyqueer

    Compassionate conservatism at its finest, bitches!

  • DaRooster

    “This is just a very strange and unusual thing to be in the middle of…"

    I'll bet… just look around you at the next debate.

    • ThundercatHo

      Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right….

  • Who would have ever expected the Antichrist to be so nonchalant about his mission to destroy the world?

    • Mittens as the Antichrist, now there's a theme that needs to be developed and expanded..

  • Schmannnity

    I can appreciate his wanting to run for the purposes of being annoying, but he should start taking some pointers from Cain, Bachmann, Perry, and Santorum.

  • chascates

    Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  • Has Mittens allowed the magic undies factory to be outsourced to China for the economic freedomz?

    • Biff

      I don't know–have they been successful in converting any Chinese citizens to LDS? Because I'm pretty sure you have to be one to make the garments.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt's super PAC attacks Mittens. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

    • Callyson

      That's pretty damned annoying, alright…

      • Nostrildamus

        You know else is annoying?

        Genital mutilation.

  • DaRooster

    “I was happy that [Ted Kennedy] had to take a mortgage out on his house to ultimately defeat me,”…

    "I was really happy when most of America got screwed over by their mortgages too… We 1%, er… uh… I mean working class guys have made a bundle!"

  • Terry

    "“I have to tell you: This chance to run for President of the United States, I never imagined I’d do it,” Romney said. “This is just a very strange and unusual thing to be in the middle of. But one of the, I mean, I was just a high school kid like everybody else with skinny legs.”

    “Somehow I backed into the chance to do this,” added Romney, who ran for US Senate in 1994, governor in 2002, and president in 2008.""

    A skinny little dorky kid who's father was the governor of Michigan. Yeah, it's a mystery why that boy would have grown up to have aspirations to exceed his father's success in the father's own field (politics).

    • SorosBot

      W managed to fool enough people into thinking he was a regular guy to get close enough to winning the Presidency to steal it, despite being the son of a former President, so Romney thinks he can do the same. Both have the media aiding and abetting them, but Mittens is so stiff and phony he can't pull it off.

  • Maybe Mittens is simply out to definitively prove that maxim about the casual banality of evil, etc…

    • Callyson

      Hannah Arendt shrugged…

  • Oblios_Cap

    That picture of Romney inspires me to name the Dream GOP team – Mitt at the top (or roof) and Santorum as the (power) bottom of the ticket.

    Fudge and Sludge 2012!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Makes ya wonder what his sons are going to back into.

  • Baconzgood

    I don't think Ted took out a morgage to fund his re-election against you. Considering that the Kennedy's are one of the richest families in the country.

    • Radiotherapy

      My wad is bigger than your wad.

    • I keep thinking that was just a dogwhistle line to stroke the tea baggers, since they epitomize that kind of ignorant, mean-spirited pettiness.

    • Seriously. The story is appallingly stupid. What fucking Kennedy ever borrowed from a bank to secure a house? And would then need to borrow against the mortgage to fund a campaign? I think he was engaging in "rich person's humor" wherein the greatest insult would be to suggest a person needs to borrow. The Kennedy's were/are richer than God, and Teddy even went so far as to enlist in the military for a tour of duty. Something scion Willard strenuously avoided adding to his resume.

  • UnholyMoses

    Hmmm … methinks it needs moar Orwell:

    The [Mittens] seeks power entirely for its own sake. [He is] not interested in the good of others; [he is] interested solely in power … No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means; it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power.

    There. All better.

    (Of course, Mitt is, in fact, a coward and hypocrite, just like all the oligarchs of the past. So he's got that goin' for him …)

  • So Mitt is running for President of the United States in lieu of psychotherapy? That is deeply disturbing.

    • SorosBot

      Well having a President who ran for office to deal with his daddy issues worked so well for us before…

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Romneybot is running for president becasue Romneybot was programmed to run for president. Apparently Romneybot is unaware that he is a robot from the future.

  • paris biltong

    2012: The End of Ideology (Finally).

  • tcaalaw

    I wish I could get a giant hi-res version of that Romney fudge photo for wallpaper purposes. I've searched and searched on-line and can't come up with a good quality one.

  • DaRooster

    Yeah, I really want a President that does things out of spite and bitterness… sounds like those dumb ass Storage Wars guys-
    "I just bought it because I knew he would need it."
    I want a President that actually cares about America and its people and does not despise anyone.
    Fuck you Mitt.

  • Mahousu

    Mitt's running for president because he likes firing people. Bain was only getting rid of jobs a few at a time; he's looking to do it wholesale.

  • ttommyunger

    Psychobabble boiled down to the nub of truth: "I'm entitled.". End of story.

  • proudgrampa

    It is sort of pathetic that this guy doesn't even know why he's running. He can't even come up with an insincere reason, like "I want to make the country better" or "I want to improve the lot of working Americans."

    You're right, Kirsten. He's just fucking annoying.

  • MissTaken

    You know something, Mitt, when most Americans are confused about where their lives are going may join the military, go to therapy, do some new drugs, or maybe even fall into a loveless relationship with someone just because they are there and it's easier than trying to come up with interesting first date conversations every week. Running for President? Not so much.

    • SorosBot

      But is the sex good? That can make up for the loveless part.

    • For someone like Mittens, running for President IS falling into a loveless relationship of convenience.

  • poorgradstudent

    Mittens just wants to be able to indefinitely detain the girl who stood him up for the buff athlete.

  • DahBoner

    The GOP is broke.

    They need Romney to win, so they can save a lot of money by using clip art

  • Callyson

    "Vote for me, Mitt Romney…because, WTF, why not?"

    • Biff

      "Why the hell not?" has worked so well for Kinky Friedman!

  • vtxmcrider

    “Somehow I backed into the chance to do this,” added Romney.

    So, opportunities are things that Mitt "backs into?" Sounds a lot like Larry Craig.

  • Geminisunmars

    You know who else just backed into ruining his country?

  • I don't know how many black holes Mittens has been around, but it's interesting that someone who's lived by the rules is so damned annoying.

    The 21st century has this set of standards, rules and behaviors it imposes and Mitt is a poster boy for most of them. for this submission he is ridiculed and hated.

    The lesson here? Needs moar outlaws.

  • owhatever

    Didn't God include Mitt on the e-mail back when he was telling all of the others to run for President? Can Mitt fire God?

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Hey, who put the Santorum sign behind Romney? http://spreadingsantorum.com/

  • fuflans

    mitt nobody in america has had skinny legs since 1983.

    totally out of touch.

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