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the beautiful motherland

Oh hello! Now that you’ve witnessed me talking about other “people” for a day, it’s time for me to introduce myself. I’m Liz and I live in the curious town of Berkeley, California, among other things a retirement community for people who consider New York work and California reclining in the sun without a care in the world, never getting in a car, talking to the hummingbirds who land on your palm seeking romantic advice, and plucking money from grapefruit trees whenever you need it.

How disappointed was I to realize, upon quitting my job walking around New York pulling my hair out (and freelancing, and blogging) that I had at least 35 years left before I could retire! So I went to work at then-newborn and since-blossomed The Hairpin, and then became a freelancer for a couple of newspapers and a few websites.

I come from Canada, where WE (notice I don’t say THEY despite the fact that my Canadian passport expired several years ago) have a strange fascination with YOUR (OK, our: I now use my American passport and have lived here for 10 years), political system. It comes from England, where I’ve actually spent most of my life (dropping a lot of secrets about my loyalties today), and where a formerly vested interest in us gives the English permission to wonder and laugh at us all the day long (this was where I did my “training”). But the thing is, even we find ourselves ridiculous at this point! (When did that start, for you? 2000? 1776? 1492?) So it all works out.

What could be better than spending all day marveling at our curious political system and the buffoons who try to domesticate it and teach it tricks, to manipulate it, to bend it, to weld it to their wills, with only really, really occasional (let’s say mono-centurial) well-meaning intentions?

The point is I love you, and I am so happy to be here.

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  • Barb

    Hello Liz! I'm Barb, and I haven't had a drink in 8 hours. Oopsie, wrong meeting.
    Will you be calling us bad names, like Sara Benincasa does? (fingers crossed)

  • nounverb911

    Welcome, Liz. Be afraid, be very afraid. That's okay, we don't bite. (Sometimes).

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well, if she asked nicely . . . .

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Canada – America's Hat

    • freakishlywrong

      What does that make Mexico?

      • America's ostentatious belt buckle?

      • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

        Depends…

        • BerkeleyBear

          I was thinking colostomy bag, but Depends works.

      • beavertank

        A fantastic Spanish style goatee.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Well if Florida is America's dick…it's not looking good for Mexico.

    • bringmeanaxe

      America – Canada's underwear.

  • memzilla

    A belated welcome to teh Wonkette! I live in Manhattan, which, as you know, is an island off the coast of Jeebustan.

  • bureaucrap

    Berkeley. Heard of it. Lots o' liberals there, supposedly. And someone named Busby.

    • Chichikovovich

      But the odd thing about the city is that it only exists when you're looking at it. And trees that fall there don't make a sound unless someone is listening.

      • EatFrankRich

        Ha, I see what you did there. If you read Berkeley in the bathtub, it's easier to imagine the rest of the world ceasing to exist. Otherwise, it's a bit of a stretch.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Berkeley Breathed…

  • *cracks knuckles*

    And so it begins…

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Liz,

    If Mittens wins the elecshun, can smart people like us get into Canada? We already know how to speak Canadian (mostly).

    • lizcolville

      Shoot, you'll probably need (to marry) one of US to get you in there. Name your price.

      • nounverb911

        Liz, let me be the first to upfist you. Wishing you many more.

      • Barb

        You'll be happy to marry Harry. I've seen nakkies of him and he's swinging some serious pipe. I don't know metric and can't do the conversion, sorry.

      • Harry_S_Truman

        Well, let's see, I've got about a year . . . lemme see what I can borrow from my kids.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I've got box-tickets for every Canucks game of the season.

        Do we have a deal?

  • El Pinche_v2

    Hi ! I'm a Texastard ! But I'm listening to Guided by Voices' latest right now (not Toby Keith). And I'm not going to do a google image search on you.

    • prommie

      Oh, I suppose you have an Arctic Monkeys T-shirt, too, you hipster you. Let me show you how to impress a chick, in the only way that matters: "Hey Liz, check out this account balance."

      • El Pinche_v2

        Oh no! Show my lowly account balance? I don't want to get pepper-sprayed by Bank of Amerka.

  • Baconzgood

    NEEDZ MOAR CRICKET/HOCKEY SCOREZ!!!!!!!!

  • GuanoFaucet

    Take off, you hoser!

  • Liz,

    Can you sing Oh Canada in the key of aye?

    • Papa_Uniform

      Of course she can't. Everyone knows real Canadians don't know the words to Oh Canada.

    • Negropolis

      It's the key of A, eh.

  • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    They call it Canada cause when you spell it, you get to say "eh?" alots!!!

    C eh? N eh? D eh?….eh?? Hosers!

    (Good day from a Canadian hiding behind the Orange Curtain!)

    • SorosBot

      Canadians say "eh" alot? What are you talking aboot?

      • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

        That's how you know you've reached the Newfie joke punchline…

        • Grief_Lessons

          Whale oil beef hooked.

  • Barb

    Oh, if you run across a guy named "Neilist" do NOT mention that he's a bed wetter. Also, if any of the guys ask if you have a webcam it's just best that you tell them that you don't own a computer.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I'm so hipster, I read the internet on a typewriter.

      • Mmmm, you're sure those are Smith coronas, not cataracts?

      • Right on daddy-o. Words on paper are forever. Words on a computer screen are just pixels.

  • paris biltong

    OK Liz, but when you say "our political system" are you talking Trudeau, Bush or Thatcher? Gotta make it clear.

    Also, when you say you love us, who do you mean?

    • She can't mean the U.S.A. Unless they changed the meaning of "system" to "bunch of ass clowns plus some impotent Democrats".

  • Not_So_Much

    So, yer here taking 'Murkan jerbs… I thought that was just a myth?

    • According to google image search, Liz is an anchor babe.

  • freakishlywrong

    Welcome Liz! Here's hoping you're not a bitter, surly, drunken shell of your former self after blogging on of our "elections".

  • Welcome, Liz! (It is okay to call you "Liz," right?)

    • UW8316154

      I see what you did there.

  • I have no issues with our Brothers and Sisters from the North.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Hi, Liz. How did the private sector surgery you really came here for go?

  • SpiderCrab

    If it's pinches you're here for–I don't pinch. Sorry.

    • El Pinche_v2

      I don't either.

  • neiltheblaze

    Welcome to the asylum, Liz! Say – do you happen to have a gay Canadian cousin I can gay marry so I can emigrate and get health care? I'm a great cook if that helps. Thanks!

  • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    Liz, Bezerkely is just like Vancouver's West End but without things like culture, great restaurants, cleanliness, politeness and general beauty. (Telegraph is Davie Street, though)

    • prommie

      Vancouver has the cutest little "toot toot" water taxis, one of which is captained by the cutest redhead I ever saw in my life.

    • BerkeleyBear

      On behalf of Hate Man, lemme just say Fuck You! Berkeley is Berkeley, there is no comparison to make. It is sui generis, the original land of craze and daze, where millionaire's hillside manses go up in flames as the homeless cavort on Telegraph to a Grateful Dead jam only they can hear. Where the grande dame of American cuisine rules her organic, locally sourced seasonal empire as students learn about the Austrian School of Economics and other Paulite palaver while waiting for dubious sausages on 2 am Top Dog runs. Where the campus allows almost no vehicles and stresses mass transit, yet there's a reserved parking spot for Nobel Laureates (and only that one spot) in front of the Physics building. Where you might hear coyotes in the hills, but it might actually be a pack of African wild dogs that someone in the animal behavior department just had to bring back and observe. Where you can commit most of the deadly sins and save your immortal soul all on the same block, over and over again, with the only variations being denomination, flavor of pizza toppings and the nature of the illegal substances being offered. It is what it is, as I'm sure our intrepid reporter can attest.

      Although if you firebombed Chez Panisse, me and Anthony Bourdain would happily supply the hot dogs for roasting in the resulting blaze.

      • proudgrampa

        Is Moe's Books still there?

        Is the Mediterraneum (sp?) still there? Where I was introduced to cappucino.

        God I miss Berkeley.

    • Negropolis

      I'm going to stick up for Berkley and say that there are few places on this continent like Downtown Eastside.

  • chascates

    If you decide to return to the Great White North can you smuggle me in?

  • SexySmurf

    You can stay as soon as you apologize for Justin Bieber. And Celine Dion. And Avril Lavigne.

    Seriously Canada, what did we ever do to you?

    • Yeah, but it also gave us Rush, Triumph, Bryan Adams and… and… nevermind.

      • Biff

        Rae Dawn Chong!

      • Chichikovovich

        And don't forget Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians. New Years just hasn't been the same…
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ik7ktS3PqEs&fe

        Now that's wholesome entertainment!

      • neiltheblaze

        They gave us Neil Young – which cancels out Justin Bieber.

        • And 80% of The Band, which cancels out everything else but the T.J. Hooker-era Shatner

        • widestanceshakedown

          Joni Mitchell cancels out 99% of the damage done.

      • UW8316154

        …and April Wine and Bachman-Turner Overdrive,,,,

    • Steverino247

      Invaded them several times and probably still have the plans in a 3-ring binder in the Pentagon to do it again. (See War Plan Crimson)

  • Buzz Feedback

    Do you know Anne Murray?

    • paris biltong

      More to the point, do you know Professor Chichikovovich?

      • Chichikovovich

        Shh…. I'm under deep cover, here behind enemy lines.

    • Grief_Lessons

      I am a Canadian, living in Canada, and I can say with all honesty that three months ago at a hockey game I stood behind Anne Murray in the beer line. I didn't realize it was her, but half an hour later when they showed her on the Jumbotron I recognized her coat and realized I had had a brush with Canadian Royalty.

  • CarnyTrash

    Hello Liz! Fellow East Bay-er (Alameda/Oaksterdam) here.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Welcome Liz! As you mostly likely already know, many of us Wonketteers are quite fond of teh buttsecks. Consider yourself forewarned and forearmed, as you will. FAP FAP FAP, also, too, as well.

    • Barb

      Thanks Elvis! I was going to ask Liz if she had some Midol and now you've just made it awkward. Canadians get Midol for free, eh?

    • prommie

      "Assfucking," please use the proper terminology.

      • kissawookiee

        "Sideways chainsaw assfucking," Prommie, if you please.

  • Two "foreign" Lizzies?!
    Welcome!

    (Wait. Does the 51st state count as "foreign?")

    • Fare la Volpe

      Not according to Rick Perry:

      "Every barrel of oil we extract out of Canadian sands is a barrel we don't have to get from a foreign source."

  • MasterDebater

    I always confuse O Canada with O Tannenbaum. Sorry about that.

    Tim Horton's, also.

  • SorosBot

    Welcome, Liz; and hopefully we won't scare you off too quickly!

  • DaRooster

    Welcome Liz… from Nor-Cal too.
    If you notice that I get a bit angry and seem like I may exact violence… it's the whiskey… well that and the stupid bastards out there that need to have a bat upside their heads.
    DR

    • jqheywood

      Or maybe a clue-by-four…

  • I LOVE THE SONG, "SNOWBIRD!!!"
    It's such a beautiful song.
    Did you know a Snowbird is a Junco? It's true. (and a beautiful heartbroken young girl)

    So spread your tiny wings and fly away. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVNj9Pl-i7I&fe

    • prommie

      Whats this, the Canadian Content quota? Its the only reason for Anne Murray. And fucking Rush.

      • jqheywood

        Ah. but who here amongst us can forget the dulcet tones of Geddy Lee singing "Take Off to the Great White North"?

  • Biff

    Hi, Liz. Do you know my cousin Elek in Vancouver? Probably not since he's dead, but you probably know some of his work, anyway…

  • prommie

    Liz, fuck you. Thats for Rush.

  • Goonemeritus

    Welcome to the USA and Wonkette Liz where we haven’t had someone else’s Queen on our money for over 200 years.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Welcome, Liz! I have no idea why a Canadian would come here, except maybe out of a morbid curiosity. America is like Survivor with lung cancer and more trash, but you probably knew that already.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's good to see that you don't mind the foreshortening of your name, Elizabeth. Welcome aboard. Or "Howdy," as we say down here in Texas. Or more properly, "Bienvienidos."

  • Terry

    "…and where a formerly vested interest in us gives the English permission to wonder and laugh at us all the day long…

    Sort of like the American fascination with the British monarchy. We can follow events without having to put our tax money towards it.

  • Indiepalin

    I'm Canadian too. From Halifax. What's the deal on medical marahoolio up there anyways, eh?

    • Limeylizzie

      I love Halifax, what a cool city and how fucking hard is it to get there??

      • Guppy

        Nova Scotia: like the original Scotland, only moreso.

        • Limeylizzie

          I was astounded by how beautiful it is and that Gaelic is encouraged! I could live there very easily, I love bad weather, I'm a knitter so I could craft lots of warm items and there is a great theatre and there is lobster all around, pretty close to heaven for me.

        • Chichikovovich

          And salmony-er.

  • prommie

    According to Rick Perry, oil from the Alberta shales is not "imported" oil, so apparently, the US annexed Canada some time recently when we weren't watching. I suppose we needed lebensraum or something. But at any rate, that should mean that you are not an import either, Liz. And sorry about the "fuck you," but jesus christ, fucking Rush, what the fuck is that shit? Does Canada have any excuse?

    • LesBontemps

      Don't forget the goddam geese, too.

  • Mahousu

    I find this all quite suspicious. Going to Berkeley for retirement is like going there for its poutine.

    Yes, there are many people in Berkeley who don't work, but we call them "unemployed" (or "panhandlers" or "crazies") and not "retired."

  • Terry

    Liz,

    If you are truly from Canada, shouldn't your posts be written in two languages?

    Hugs and welcome aboard!

    • Chichikovovich

      Liz,

      Si vous êtes vraiment venu du Canada, ne devrait pas vos messages soient écrits en deux langues?

      Étreintes et bienvenue à bord!

      • Geminisunmars

        Lizzie,

        If'n yur truely form Kanda, shun't yur postses be wrote into langwages?

        Hogs and buttsecking abound.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Hola from the Dirty Dirty South (yes, the terrible Alabama part, they really do accept all kinds here). I have once been to California, and Canada is a thing I know about, so I hate you with envy – Of course it was 1990 Berkeley, so I guess it COULD be different now, even though then it looked like what I think of as 1969 still. Telegraph Avenue Forever.

    • prommie

      Orgies! I was born too late, dammit.

      • FakaktaSouth

        No doubt. Being born in time for the AIDS talk to dominate what would qualify as "health/sex-ed circa 1986" was way less "get in the pit and try to love someone-ish."

      • BerkeleyBear

        Or too soon, based on everything I see today. I think if you were in your teens in the 80s you pretty much had the impression that sex = death. Smart people literally got scared to a point of insisting on AIDS tests and swapping paperwork pre-sex, whereas now it seems to be more like you're all gonna die anyways, so fuck it and everyone/thing you can.

        • SorosBot

          It's one of the reasons why it sucked to be my age; after growing up in the 80s, going to college in the mid-90s everyone was to scared too engage in casual sex.

        • prommie

          I were a teen in the 70s, but I was an awkward and shy lad, and the ladies fled from me. And Then the AIds hysteria came, and suddenly, whoa, promiscuity was suddenly frowned upon, which I was like, "hey, I just got the hang of this, don't go putting the brakes on."

        • FakaktaSouth

          I graduated HS in 90 and college in 94, and watched a friend's very lovely uncle die of this awful shit during that time, so I took my share of "Just in case" AIDS tests. It was like our "cold war" – that thing that was gonna kill ya. I think that's part of why now everybody does girl on girl cause at least we noticed that lesbians don't hardly get AIDS, so ya knowww – that and all the money it makes.

          • Geminisunmars

            Ha ha, all you bitches. I was in SF and Berkeley during the Summer of Love. Which was totally cool. But it also means now I'm very old.

  • Welcome to our strange land from yours, which at least is rumored to be higher up on the literacy scale than your dingleberry pollutionist cousins down south? And that's all I know about a country I'd confused with that other topographically, demographically and phonologically similar dream-haven, Japanada.

  • Just to avoid gettin harangued by the natives assuming I was some ignorant jingoistic rube, I passed for months in Germany as a Canadian while Dubya was still President just by saying 'eh? a lot and loudly wishing for pancakes at breakfast (seriously though I did miss pancakes all the German breakfasts I had were terrible).

    • Mojopo

      Me too. I always told people from other countries I was Canadian, throughout both of Dub's terms.

  • hagajim

    Welcome Liz – d'ya still wear a tuke? Seriously though – you have the buffoon part dead on.

  • Fare la Volpe

    You're from Canada? I hear that's such a nice neighborhood.

    • MasterDebater

      Neighbourhood.

      There, fixed it.

    • It's part of upstate New York, right?

      • Negropolis

        Nah. It's a suburb of Detroit.

  • prommie

    Oh, I forgot to ask, Liz, are you hot?

    • UW8316154

      And Liz….what are you wearing right now?

      • Liz, may I show you my etchings, too?

        • jus_wonderin

          Liz, I have cham-pahg-nah in my hotel room. Would you join me?

          • DahBoner

            I have a leather couch.

          • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

            I have a Cake song in my head.

          • gullywompr

            I need a girl in a short skirt and a leather jacket?

    • gullywompr

      Calm down guys, Liz is not going to have sex with you no matter what. She's a blogger.

      • So she's really a nerdy guy with Coke-bottle glasses????

  • Barrelhse

    I think Canada is a very nice town.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Limey Lizzie, meet Loonie Liz.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Does that mean we are going to get Curling updates now? Fucking sweet!

  • Welcome Liz, we appreciate the efforts you Moosiestanians make to supply us with curling and maple syrup.

    Long Live Stoorn!*

    * Yeah, I know it's Sweden, not Canada, but it's a pretty big Moose.
    ~

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope this means that we can wave "so long" to the recent trend of only getting 2 or 3 posts here all freaking day.

  • Chichikovovich

    Hi Liz.
    Welcome. Are you any relation to the Canuckiste painter Alex Colville? Good news if you have that bloodline, because his blend of stark realism and subtly deranged weirdness would serve you well in this joint.
    http://www.tendreams.org/colville.htm

    • prommie

      Stalker.

      • Chichikovovich

        Look, I just have a thing for paintings of horses running full gallop along the tracks toward an onrushing diesel train, OK? Lots of people do. Perfectly normal.

    • paris biltong

      Sort of a poor Canuck's Edward Hopper. Probably looks better on postcard reproductions that in real. No shame in that, just look at what it did for Magritte.

      • Chichikovovich

        Yeah, he definitely was a postcard favorite up in the frozen wastes. LP album covers, too, back when there were such things. (Bruce Cockburn's Night Vision displays the horse/train one.)

        But it's hard to compete with Magritte for the postcard trade. And the postcards can be practical as well as decorative. If there is something that isn't, in fact a pipe, but people might wrongly use it as one, and you want to warn them, you can just put an "X" through the pipe, and post the card above the object. Really Magritte's big mistake, from a hardware salesman's perspective, is that he didn't choose phrases for which there is a greater need, like "Ceci ce n'est pas une chaise." or "Ceci ce n'est pas un cendrier."

        • paris biltong

          As I understand it – and it makes sense given the type of jokes Magritte and his Belgian contemporaries were fond of – "pipe" here refers to its second meaning of fellatio, so that what the painting says is "this pipe is not a blowjob" (which is not funny at all in English and only moderately so in French). It's a little like painting a cat and writing underneath it "This is Not A Pussy" ("Ceci n'est pas une chatte" would also work in French). Not great art by any standard, but OK material for posters and postcards.

          • Chichikovovich

            Nom d'une pipe!Really? That's the idea? How disappointing. I had always figured it was something about it wasn't a pipe, it was a representation of a pipe, or a picture of a pipe, or whatever. Doesn't quite have the same tang if it is just a cheap blowjob joke. [Not that I have any objection to cheap bj jokes.][But if it's supposed to mean “The pipe”, wouldn't it have to be “Celle-ci” rather than “Ceci”in this case? My hold on French grammar is a foggy on this point, but I had always taken it that the “ceci”, gendered masculine, was to be taken to be referring to something other than “une pipe” (feminine). Hence – a picture, a painting, or some other gender-masculine word. Probably I'm just over-thinking it.]—

          • paris biltong

            Hermeneutically you may be right but your grammatical hypothesis has no basis in (French langauage) fact. Anyway, Michel Foucault was so humorless that I don't think he can be trusted to explain Magritte who, after all, famously stated (to his credit) "I detest my past, and anyone else's. I detest resignation, patience, professional heroism and obligatory beautiful feelings. I also detest the decorative arts, folklore, advertising, voices making announcements, aerodynamism, boy scouts, the smell of moth balls, events of the moment, and drunken people."

          • Chichikovovich

            I don't doubt you're right about the grammar. How “ceci” and “celle-ci” are supposed to work when they interact with negation has always been a fuzzy spot on my French grammatical map. As for the interpretation, I knew that the idea couldn't have been my own, but I had forgotten where I got it. I always hate to be in the position of agreeing with Foucault about anything, so blowjob joke it is!I didn't know that quote from Magritte – thanks! I think he undervalues aerodynamism (at least the mathematics of it, which can be very pretty) and the smell of mothballs, but otherwise spot on.—

      • Ceci n'est pas un commentaire.

    • lizcolville

      Chichi,
      He's my grandfather, SO SCREW YOU, PARIS BILTONG! I might have to fulfill another commentator's request to bring down the hammer, or whatever you say.

      • Chichikovovich

        Hey, Liz -(I would have answered earlier, but the email notification about the post just showed up in my inbox this morning. I think I need a new internet. This one is wearing out.)a) Yeah, screw that guy. Poseur. Yes, I'm talking to you parisbiltong – all these years away from Finland have corrupted you away from good Arctic values. You probably don't like Nordic skiing any more either.b) I was a little squirt and a Bruce Cockburn fan in elementary school when the Night Vision album came out, which got me interested in your granddad. One of my high school teachers went to Mt. Allison, and she had lots of books full of slides of his work. So I was a fan from a long way back. Out of curiosity, I googled him and learned that he's still alive, so please at the next family gathering give him greetings from a former kid from James Bay and still a lover of his stuff.—

        • paris biltong

          Betrayal! Good thing you made that Simone Boccanegra comment some time ago, otherwise I might go all hakkaa päälle on you.

          • Chichikovovich

            Thanx for the nod about the Bocanegra/Blockanegra – I was proud of that one.

            Thanks for "hakkaa päälle" too. It's good to have that in my repertoire, and not just because it will be a useful phrase to have in brawls. I didn't know there were any points where Swedish and Finnish matched up so closely, though given the close contact between the countries and general principles of language evolution you would expect there to be many local bits of overlap despite the drastic difference in grammar. (I don't know any Finnish, but of course the distinctive character of Finnish (+Estonian?) grammar relative to Indo-European languages is well-known.)

  • CapeClod

    Hi, Liz From Canada, (odd name), or, as we say around these parts, chowdah.

  • prommie

    Say it, Frenchie.

  • jus_wonderin

    Liz, a word to the wise. Don't use the term RET@RD. The effect can be terminal.

    • PocketsTheClown

      Yeah, also, no birthdays. Has-beens can't take a fucking joke swear to Christ.

  • UW8316154

    A furriner coming over to take our jerbs.

  • Liz, you think you could sit still for a while in America????

  • Dear Liz, I just want to wel…oh, a new post is up. Gotta go.

  • user-of-owls

    Bienvenidos, Liz. Just one favor to ask. Could you rummage around the attic and check under the cushions at the Wonket manse to see if you can find the Ban Hammer? It's really just been too long and blood on the floor always generates page hits.

    Sin otro particular, saludo atentamente.
    Manipulador de Búhos

  • On HGTV, there are certain shows on which they never tell you the name of the city they're filming in. The people are nice, and more attractive than the average HGTV couple from Dallas or Dubuque. The contractors often hire Jamaicans wearing rasta knit hats to tear out the kitchen cabinets. Then, somebody drops an "aboat" and you know you've been punked into watching Canadian Content.

  • DahBoner

    Hi Liz,

    My name is Boner and I haven't had a drink in over 8 minutes.

    Did I ever tell you that I had to work? In a tavern?

    //sobs

  • BornInATrailer

    I'll just assume someone already said "tits or GTFO"

  • littlebigdaddy

    Did you bring some Tim Horton?

  • Limeylizzie

    Hi foreign Liz, I am foreign Lizzie, I hope you don't mind that I don't use the name "Liz" as my last name has only 4 letters, no it's not "cunt", and it just seems too short.

    • But you told me length doesn't matter!

  • prommie

    I'd hit it.

  • proudgrampa

    Eh?

  • Mojopo

    Hi, Liz. I grew up near Canada, outside of Niagara Falls (US side) on the lake. Your plastic tampon dispensers washed up on our shores pretty often, but we mostly forgave it because we loved SCTV. We know they were Canadian tampons because the instructions were in English and French ("this side up," and "poussez-le").

    I am a lady with comfortable shoes, and if I may make a suggestion, it will be helpful to know if you are submitting articles with or without a shirt on. Thank you for your time and I hope you find your experience here helpful. Eh.

    • Guppy

      "Your plastic tampon dispensers washed up on our shores pretty often,"

      Justin Bieber?

      • Mojopo

        Like that, yes.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I grew up in a part of Washington state that picked up Canadian TV clearer than the Seattle stations. I remember Canandian TV used to curse and sometimes show boobs after 10 PM. It was like the poor, small town kids version of cinemax.
    Oh, and what's with your bacon? That's not bacon.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Bienvenue!

  • owhatever

    So this alien Liz isn't going to have sex with all of us like Kirsten and the devilish Sara? Disappointing. How does she ever expect to break through the glass ceiling like Calista did?

  • UnholyMoses

    From one (relative) n00b to another: Welcome!

    Grab a beer — don't cost nuthin' …

  • LiveToServeYa

    Welcome, Liz.

  • And welcome from another southern state, South Cackalacky. You'll be hearing more about us soon.

    I've been to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. Does that count? Bigger Canadian cities too but I just love the name, Moose Jaw.

  • CivicHoliday

    Welcome Liz, nice to have another literate vagina around here. Wonkette is reclaiming it's "ette" slowly but surely. BTW if you have been here for a decade, that means you voluntarily came and stayed during the Bush administration. I have to say that either you have some deep seated masochist issues or you are one grape short of a bunch. Just sayin'…

  • HarryButtle

    Hi Liz. That's a funny map you've got, there. You seem to have overlooked the United States of America when you were drawing it and concentrated instead on what we all know to be a vast expanse of frozen wasteland to the north. I'm afraid this just won't do as nohing that goes on outside the US of A matters.

    (unless it's a campaign to bomb brown people)

  • emmelemm

    Oh, and Liz, one word (hyphenated): Alt-text.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Kirsten is Messican. Liz is Canuck. Wonkette, it appears, has gone NAFTACULAR.

    & puts the lie to Ken Layne's sympathy for the (American) workingman.

  • Radiotherapy

    This do nothing congress and the Kenyan ursurper have proven once again that the Northern Border is undefended.

  • Welcome, welcome. Welcome to our suck.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Welcome.

  • savethispatient

    Welcome Liz! I too have spent a majority of my life in Britain but I'm now in the most Englandishy* part of the US, Seattle. I look forward to your posts describing politicians as "a bit naff", "poxy", and other phrases I find myself explaining to 'merkins.

    * weather-wise, at least.

  • fuflans

    hi liz! i was going to make a witty insult, but then i remembered i am half canadian so i will simply apologize instead.

    (welcome!)

  • Please provide a photo of your eco-friendly car, with trucknutz.

  • Just one question.

    Have we slept together? I've had a lot of drunken nights in Canada and well, I'm kinda loose.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well Hi there, Liz – Welcome Aboard! You'll like it here.
    Wonkette and its People have, over a number of very grim years kept me sane , er, calm, no, from breaking furniture from yelling at strangers, no,no… from crying/laughing/barking at my desk/chair/co-workers. Well, Wonkette & its Mad Community has made me laugh. A lot. Exactly when I needed to.
    Yours, C.R.
    BTW – I've been to the Great White North many times but What Happens In Canada Stays In Canada. Eh?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Poster at the message board I frequent used to play Little League baseball with Geddy Lee's son. Beat that.

  • snickersnack

    That was the most Canadian thing I've ever heard in my entire life. And I used to be able to see Canada from my porch.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Welcome to the Monkey House!

  • old_phineas

    Errrr … welcome. Or is it welcoume?

  • old_phineas

    I have to admit I'm ambivalent about Canadians. On the one hand you're mostly harmless. On the other hand, you're in control of a precious resource which is rightfully ours … sensible and reasonably priced underwear. The United States has a manifest destiny to annex a corridor extending from New Brunswick to the eastern edge of Truro Nova Scotia, home of the Stanfield underwear factory. Sorry. That's just the way geopolitics works.

  • lizcolville

    Thank you each and every one for all the welcomes! You can call me Liz. I get the archival joke! I am staying here. I came here for college because the institutions of higher learning here are so expensive that they must be good. But if Romney wins the election…I'll be blogging from Nova Scotia.

    • I give this comment 3 fins up.

  • Negropolis

    Welcome, Liz! A big greeting from Michigan, which is basically Southwestern Ontario, but with harder "R" sounds and I'd bet you dollars to donuts even more Tim Horton's. However, you lost me at the pronouns.

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