SHARE

Mmmm, toady ....Hey kids, do you want to grow up to be a journalist? Here’s what journalists do: Spread official lies in the “mainstream media,” and also ignore whatever is actually happening around them, and always show the proper decorum when dealing with the Rich & Powerful. What else? Oh yeah, a good journalist also spends his (this is always a “his” part) free time writing schoolmarm-y emails to, say, bloggers, lecturing them on the “approved sources” for news information. This way, a blogger won’t accidentally write something that’s true — like, say, cops smashing the skulls of peaceful protesters in the American streets — but that has been denied by, say, the propaganda officers for the motherfucking police, who lie for a living. And if you don’t behave, as a Professional Journalist, the trade group might take away your membership card!

Anyway! Check out the “National Press Club,” which your editor remembers only because of the “old man smell” and also “taco night,” which was a night after work when you could get bad anusburger “tacos” for a dollar or something …. Because being a Journalist doesn’t pay too well, compared to the people Journalists spend all their time flattering and fellating: lobbyists and CEOs and congresspeople and cabinet officials who will soon be CEOs again, when “their side” is “out of power.” Still, dollar tacos! Just don’t ask the Saudi Arabia regime’s mouthpiece any real questions, and you’ll be okay.

Actual journalist Sam Husseini writes about this ridiculous experience:

On Monday I went to a news conference at the National Press Club, where I am a member, titled “His Royal Highness Prince Turki al-Faisal al-Sa’ud of Saudi Arabia.” I asked a tough question at the news conference — a question that dealt with the very legitimacy of the Saudi regime. Before the end of the day, I’d received a letter informing me that I was suspended from the National Press Club “due to your conduct at a news conference.” The letter, signed by the executive director of the Club, William McCarren, accused me of violating rules prohibiting “boisterous and unseemly conduct or language.” After several days of efforts, I’ve been able to obtain video of the news conference. The video shows that I did not engage in any “boisterous and unseemly conduct or language.”

Saudi Arabia has basically been a center of counter-revolution in Arabic countries ….

And there you go. Saudi Arabia is a protectorate of the United States military-corporate empire. The military-corporate empire could give a shit what Saudi Arabia’s bloated princes do the people. Cut off their hands, cut off their feet, bury the women alive in landfills, make slaves from the Philippines do all the actual work, send disgruntled fanatics to blow up the World Trade Center, whatever. The military-corporate empire wants the last of the oil, that’s all. And the National Press Club is the trade group for the terrible Washington D.C. press corps. Its job is to shore up the collapsing walls, keep the focus on “what Rick Perry said” or other such inane bullshit, write about primaries, and only discuss “revolution” when it’s happening in a small, faraway land that isn’t basically a giant fucking U.S. Military Base.

That’s why it’s “okay” now to talk about Syria, after half a year of insane revolt and counter-revolutionary police state violence, because it has been deemed okay — Hillary Clinton said so. That’s why it was finally okay to talk about Egypt after revolution was already a fact, even though you needed Al Jazeera to see any television news coverage in the United States. But it’s never okay to question the Saudis, not as long as they hold us by the balls and we hold them by the throat, forever, until the oil runs out. And that’s why the revolution happening in America right now is all but ignored by the media stars and the powerful thieves they glorify. Anyway …. [Sam Husseini via Anti-War via Rebecca Schoenkopf]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    Just wait until one of them tries to ask Cain a question and they get stomped by the Secret Service.

  • user-of-owls

    do you want to grow up to be a journalist?

    Wait, isn't that oxymoronic?

    • MaxNeanderthal

      shouldn't that be "Do you want to be a journalist IF you grow up?"

      • user-of-owls

        No, my point was that the latter would make the former impossible.

    • neiltheblaze

      That's right. Either grow up, or be a journalist. Pick one already!

  • MrFizzy

    I can see their point – boisterosiousness should be discouraged, lest someone's Mooslin sensibilities be irreparably damaged.

  • chascates

    The National Press Club is only for schmoozing and sucking up to famous politicians, celebrities, etc. It's like the Bohemian Grove for your grubby, rumpled journos.

    • kaiamursi

      To be fair, it does serve one useful function and that is as an event-space, after-hours.

  • littlebigdaddy

    He's always welcome here!

  • PhilippePetain

    I heard on CNN that he was cold chucking shoes at those motherfuckers. That's not cool, Sam.

  • RadiosTyrone

    I'm guessing Toady Grahams is right next to Hobo Beans on your grocer's shelves.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Big Brother sez: If you don't eat your Toady Grahams you can just sit outside with your hobo beans.

      • jus_wonderin

        "You eat all of your Toady Grahams or you don't get to sleep on the burlap/straw mat!"

  • user-of-owls

    write something that’s true — like, say, cops smashing the skulls of peaceful protesters in the American streets — but that has been denied by, say, the propaganda officers for the motherfucking police, who lie for a living.

    You say con-CUSS-ion, I say con-cuss-ION…

  • HempDogbane

    Having lunched at the National Press Club, I can see their point. That sounds pretty boisterous for that place.

  • not that Dewey

    Pay no attention to the military-corporate empire behind the curtain.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is why we can't have nice things.

  • bureaucrap

    "Saudi Arabia is a protectorate of the United States military-corporate empire."

    Ken, you got the roles reversed. The United States is the military-industrial subsidiary of the Saudi Arabia Oiligarchy.

    • Fel-lay-tio, fel-lah-tio.

      • Millennial Malaise

        So like…they're 69-ing each other? Gross.

  • ..keep the focus on “what Rick Perry said”

    Ken: They're reporting on what Perry did not say: "Department of Energy"

  • Today we are all suspended members of the National Press Club.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Today we are all guilty of boisterous and unseemly conduct or language.

      • poncho_pilot

        the National Press Club can boisterously eat a dick.

      • Only today? Slackers!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'd like to see the National Press Club suspended by their members.

    • "Suspended members"? Must be a Gentleman's Club. Are they a subsidiary of PoleKatz®?

  • Journalism went basically to the Entertainment Tonight/ESPN Model. Ass kissing for access. That old nonsense about comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable pretty much went out the window and has been replaced by the more polite afflicting the afflicted and comforting the comfortable.

    I long suspected that Mary Hart would play a major role in the downfall of US America.

    • Aren't all of the FOXy Anchorettes® runway-modeled after Mary Hart?

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Yeah, but didn't Mary Hart have million dollar legs, back when a million dollars was worth something?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Shoulda' asked the Saudi why he wears a dress. That would be a good question!

    • memzilla

      Because it's easier to hide the bags with the cartoon dollar signs under a dress. The raccoon burglar mask is too obvious, and besides, it's copyrighted by Disney.

    • freakishlywrong

      Ask the Pope that as well..

    • And whats with all the man on man kissing and hand holding if teh Gayz are bad?

    • Chichikovovich

      I want to know if he thinks Bush was a good kisser. We already know what Shelley B thinks.

  • memzilla

    [suspended for] “boisterous and unseemly conduct or language.”

    = If you want to speak "truth to power," you have a 99% chance of FAIL if you try doing it here.

  • hipsters would be proud of that ironic Club name

  • slithytoves

    And if you don’t behave, as a Professional Journalist, the trade group might take away your membership card!

    Is that the card that says "Press" and goes in your hat?

    • I've got the last warehouse-full of Old-Timey Giant Flash Bulbs, if you're running low!

      • slithytoves

        :) Honest, I don't look half as old as I feel, or I am, or whatever.

        • The NPC banned those bulbs after the Kong Incident.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Occupy NPC!

    • bureaucrap

      that is actually not a bad idea.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        You read it here first!

        • Hmmm. Trouble making blogger feels the wheels start turning in her head.

  • I've been talking about Syria for years. (That's why I'm not a "journalist".) WAIT! Did you say Syria or Silvia, the hot barista at my Starbuck's? I know I've been talking about one of them for years.

    • Shellwith2Ls

      Is that you, Herb Cain?

    • Starbucks is testing a new service in some markets: Face Dances.™ For an extra buck, a cute, perky or hunky barista will sit with you while you drink your latte and pretend to be interested in your day. No touching!

  • user-of-owls

    On Monday I went to a news conference at the National Press Club, where I am a member, titled “His Royal Highness Prince Turki al-Faisal al-Sa’ud of Saudi Arabia.” … After several days of efforts, I’ve been able to obtain video of the news conference. The video shows that I did not engage in any “boisterous and unseemly conduct or language.”

    Your conduct may not have been unseemly, Sam, but the drubbing you gave the English language right there sure was.

    • bureaucrap

      Sam, I'm confused; is it you or your member that's titled "His royal highness etc."

      • user-of-owls

        Sam: "Yes"

  • RadiosTyrone

    The military-corporate empire could give a shit what Saudi Arabia’s bloated princes do the people.

    C'mon Ken, we all know being an editor is where the big buck$ are. Because this kind of journalism will get you kicked out of the National Press Club.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Well, at least it's still okay to ask tough questions of Netanyahu.

  • CliveWarren

    Ok. Saudi-Arabia….
    President Obama…
    Supported His Royal Highness Prince Turki al-Faisal al-Sa’ud, correct? President Obama, called for the removal of…. Husseini?
    No that's a different one!
    Well, I dont agree or disagree, is my point…

  • user-of-owls

    If he wanted to slip something past the NPC censors he should have spoken in Cuban.

  • memzilla

    Dollar tacos! Unslakeable petroleum lust! See, it's actually the National Fress Club.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Freedumb of the press.

  • bureaucrap

    Here is a list of NPC-approved questions for his Royal Highness Prince Turki al-Faisal al-Sa’ud:
    1. How do ya like American women?
    2, Your long flowing robe is beautiful — where did you buy it?
    3. Please rate our service on a scale of 1 to 10.
    4. If a 99% protester was here right now, what colorful traditional arabic curse would you hurl at him? {Follow up} Would that include a shoe?
    5. What do you think makes the Saudi Royal Family so gosh-darn lovable?

  • Baconzgood

    Those darn Saudis. Is there anything they DON'T own?

  • RadiosTyrone

    This journalist has been deleted by the administrator.

  • Ben Dover Smith at the Polithoze is reporting that Sam Husseini jumped-up on a chair, dropped hiz pantz, and mooned the Clown Prince Prince Turki al-la-King.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Lost your National Press Club membership? Too bad! No more journamalism writing for you.

    I mean, who's gonna take you seriously?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Government sanctioned corporate stenographers.

  • neiltheblaze

    I'm sure William McCarren would love to hear from everyone!
    http://press.org/contact-us

  • prommie

    Its still illegal to mention that the Saudi Arabians attacked us on 9-11, isn't it?

    • user-of-owls

      That's even worse than calling someone retarded.

    • proudgrampa

      Why, yes. I believe it is.

    • SorosBot

      But Fox done told me they was Iraq!

      • Chichikovovich

        Really? 'Cause I was sure I heard Fox say last week that they were all Iranian.

    • It was our own selves, and/or the Jews. It's all in my blog!

  • ttommyunger

    No news here. Even C-SPAN has rolled over; I figured that out when Colbert's roasting of W at their annual clusterfuck went missing. The power of the Almighty Dollar is a frightening thing. I recall when Clinton got roasted by a no-name drunk it was on a fucking continual loop on C-SPAN for weeks.

  • Extemporanus

    An American hijacked a Saudi news conference?

    Well, I guess we're finally even then…

    • not that Dewey

      TOO SOON!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm just glad I live in a country where the press is free to cover the big news items — for instance, last night I was channel surfing and came across a hard-hitting expose on the retirement of Regis Philbin. It probably employed dozens of writers, producers, researchers and archivists just to assemble the material, not to mention the crews needed to turn that material into a television program.

    And every weekend the major networks air hours of reports on garish murders, missing white girls, and catastrophic weather events — you know — the real information pregnant with meaning for today's society that the American people are hungering for.

    Of course it's too bad this type of intensive coverage pre-empts minor stories like our allies' oppression of women and cultural minorities, how industry writes laws designed to regulate it, how our alleged spending crisis isn't one, and how the cozy and comfy are making a killing at the expense of the 99% — but news is news, and the free market drives out the trash and centers on the quality stuff, people. I mean, we'd rather hear about Ashton and Demi, right?

    • SorosBot

      The top story on cnn.com right now is "Skipper offers details on Wood death". That's Natalie Wood, who died thirty years ago. Wild speculation over whether a star's death thirty fucking years ago was an accident or murder by her husband should not be the top story. Ugh.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Really — Kim's divorcing, for fuck's sake — where are our priorities?!

    • not that Dewey

      Where in the world is Matt Lauer?

      • Swampgas_Man

        And this week, look for all the in-depth reporting on how to make a memorable thanksgiving meal!

    • lulzmonger

      +1

      Today's cutting-edge controversy: WAS Robert Wagner really responsible for the death of Natalie Woods? AMERICA NEEDS TO KNOW!

      PS: I really like what Project Censored does, but one of their criteria for a top "Censored" story is that it has at least one citation in the same media that are censoring it … ?!?!?

  • It's not just Rupert Murdoch and FAUX that have fucked us…shitbirds who inherited their empires like Donald Graham of The Washington War Criminal Post and Pinch Sulzberger of the NYT have done the same.

    They're all old feckless plutocrat turds.
    ~

  • sezme

    Patience, young journalist, I will address your human right concerns right after I finish filling up my Hummer.

  • Redhead

    "a good journalist also spends his (this is always a “his” part) free time writing schoolmarm-y emails to, say, bloggers, lecturing them on the “approved sources” for news information."

    Did I miss a (surely fascinating) story post by Ken?

    • Oh, any "controversial post" from the last 10 or 15 years ….

      • Redhead

        Can you post more of these letters to the editor? (Or do you already and I'm just missing them? damn job!) They sound awesome.

        (By the way – isn't almost everything on this site "controversial" to some wingtard?)

  • Callyson

    "I don't need to justify my country's legitimacy"
    Then WTF are you going around giving news countries, Your Highness?
    And the reporter's question was anything but fair. Tough, but fair.
    That National Press Club is run by a bunch of wusses.

  • We have to draw the line somewhere. If we allow journalists to ask questions in news conferences today it might lead to private citizens asking questions of politicians.

  • prommie

    Our nation was founded on the tradition of unquestioned acceptance of the divine right of inherited monarchs to rule with a repressive iron fist over their racist, sexist, theocratic kingdoms. This reporter was not merely rude and boisterous, he was un-American!

    • sezme

      Indeed: kids these days! What would the founding fathers have thunk?

  • Mojopo

    Way to go, big mouth. You're supposed to part your cheeks and bring your own lube.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    All Saudi royals have a special force fields that invalidates all free speech laws with a 30-feet circumference no matter where they are.

  • proudgrampa

    *******HEADLINE*******HEADLINE*******HEADLINE*******HEADLINE*******

    proudgrampa HAS 100 P-NESS!!!!!

    In a statement released this morning, proudgrampa announced that he has just received the coveted 100p's. "I am grateful to all of my fans and readers out there in Wonketteland. It has been a difficult struggle, but we have prevailed. I look forward to the next plateau for p's wherever it may be. Let us all carry on in the struggle against silly politicians and bad spelling. The Flying Spaghetti Monster blesses you and may you be touched by his Noodly Appendage."

    • not that Dewey

      Welcome to the Meaningless Achievement Club. Doktor Zoom will be along momentarily to deliver your award.

    • sezme

      The real question, and I ask this with the utmost respect, is not why your p-ness is so large today, but why it was so tiny until today?

    • LowProfileinGA

      Excessive celebration! Bring back the downfist!

    • Congrats, PG! Keep in mind that after you turn 100 it gets much harder to pee.

  • SorosBot

    When the First Amendment guaranteed freedom of the press, I don't think anyone expected the press would voluntarily give it up.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Love the Toady Grahams, good ol' Wacky Packages. Think I'll go eat a bag of "Free Toes."

  • WeHaveIssues

    Groucho Marx quote about beware of a club, member, yada, yada, yada, blogger. The fourth estate is in foreclosure.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Where was the Secret Service? I'll bet they were loaned out to Herman Cain instead of doing their core job of protecting His Royal Highness Prince from a questioning media.

  • All journalists must now vet their questions and file their stories through the Comics Code Authority.

  • Rotundo_

    The guy fucked up: The National Press Club is the absolutely last place one would practice journalism for real. It is like expecting guys to behave like gentlemen in a "Gentlemens' Club" like the ones with the brass poles and young ladies who "dance" for you. Now if they were on the street, they could engage in the time honored method of journalism now practiced: Yell a question from 50 yards away and have the subject cup a hand around their ear and wave and laugh at you. Then write the press release they handed you down verbatim and collect a shitty check and move on.

  • rocktonsam

    If Saudi Arabia is such a good friend, then maybe they could quit jerking our chain with the oil prices already but probably not.

    Keep on OCCUPYING!

  • lulzmonger

    Corporate lapdog FAIL = no Milk-Bone for you!

    Guess the prince will remember to bring the peanut butter next time.

  • thefrontpage

    Saudi Arabia needs to completely overhaul its racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, discriminatory, Neanderthal, pre-historic, moronic, idiotic and completely insane government, from top to bottom. It's just insanely pyscho–on all levels. So the Press Club "suspends" someone–for asking a tough question? Just how stupid is that?

Previous articleJohn Boehner’s Drunken Crying Ruins NASA Ceremony (VIDEO)
Next articleAmazing Pictures From November 17 #OWS Student Marches