And where was Bo on the night of Friday, November 11?It would be helpful to the authorities if some of these Occupy protesters would do something a little more guilty than being an Iraq veteran shot in the head by a policeman, wouldn’t it? Let’s see let’s see, did anything weird happen about a week ago that could be conclusively linked to Wall Street’s desire to have all these protesters rounded up and shipped to Gitmo? Oh yes, here’s something: Last Friday, shots were fired from somewhere in Washington D.C., which has never happened before, and a slug was later found lodged in a plexiglass safety window of the White House.

The bullet very nearly killed Barack Obama, who was at a hotel in San Diego raising money on his way to Asia. The Secret Service had the awesome luck to hear the shots fired from around the Ellipse on Friday night, and then see a certain car they knew would have been the source of the shooting, and then find that same car abandoned on the same street (Constitution Avenue) it had just been driving on, and also there was an assault rifle in this very car, which was also registered to a scary suspect who might’ve gone to the #OccupyDC rally. Still, the Secret Service was busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, so it took them until late yesterday to find a bullet.

The New York Times has this account:

Secret Service agents heard multiple shots fired on Friday and witnessed a car speeding away, westbound, on Constitution Avenue, according to a law enforcement official. The car and a weapon were found, abandoned, at a corner of Constitution Avenue and 23rd Street within a couple of minutes, this official said.

And what about the suspect on the loose? Well, obviously, police say he was at the #OccupyDC protest. And he is also a scary, bearded Mexican person who does drugs and beats his wife and has scary tattoos and also got in trouble for “squatting,” just like those #OWS bums always do. Seriously, all this is in the New York Times story, and also on the Park Service police website. The only part that is not perfect is that the suspect apparently has a giant tattoo on his neck that says “ISRAEL.” But this surely has nothing to do with Israeli agents making mischief in the United States again, and is probably just prison slang for “I Hate Capitalism.” UPDATE: They arrested the dude. [NYT]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    Since Obama announced increased U.S. military presence in Australia I am also going to pull it outta my ass and say kangaroos…

    • The roos, eh. Not those sneakier than sneaky koalas? Beneath all that cutsie they can be quite nasty at times. Also, collectively 40 of them don't have the IQ of a moth. Seems that is the down side of sole-sourcing Eucalyptus leaves for your diet – a product otherwise used to make wood preservative. On the upside they traded their gray cells for detox and have livers that would put Keef Richards to shame. Obvs they're with you as party animals.

      • I bleev they have a nasty habit of pissing on people. Not that I blame them. If those rhinosceri had pissed on the fucking poachers, we would not have two more subspecies go extinct last week.

    • Negropolis

      What are they hiding in their pouches, anyway, hengh?

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    When I read the comments on the WSJ page (I know, I know…) they all speculated that it HAD to be someone associated either with the OWS movement, or perhaps the people who opposed the pipeline issue. Yeah, I don't see how we could speculate that it might be one of the AR-totin' Tea Party assholes!

    Oh, and the other comment was "Why does the Secret Service have a spokesperson?!? We need to start cutting jobs!!!!!"

    • Not_So_Much

      Why does any agency have spokespersons? If they didn't have to tell us stupid people what they were doing all the time, our economy would probably be awesome right now.

      (But honestly, there isn't enough firepower around there to keep a random car from pulling up to the curb and firing away –OR– they can't catch it once it happens? Seems odd…)

    • Baconzgood


      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        They are secret, after all.

  • All he needs to make him US America's greatest enemy is "My Buddies went to Afghanistan to help Al-Qaeda and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" T-Shirt.

  • edgydrifter

    I heard if you look at his tattoo upside-down it reads "SOROSRULZ."

  • Beetagger

    I'm pretty sure is was Steve Doocey. He's a terrible shot.

    • WunkRocker

      O r Dick Cheney.

      • flamingpdog

        Someone needs to tell Cheney that Dan Quail isn't in the White House.

    • justkillmenow

      Back, and to the left…back, and to the left…

    • Pat_Pending

      Which explains why Gretchen Carlson always looks like she just received a 'facial'

      • jqheywood

        Whenever I think of Gretchen, which thank the FSM is not often, I hear this couplet running through my head:

        She said that she worked for the ABC news
        which is as much of the alphabet as she new how to use

  • chascates

    ISRAEL is a pretty common name amongst Mexican wife-beating dopeheads.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Especially if their wife is named Palestina.

  • Those pics make it look like they could've, uh, nabbed him right there..

  • Where is the NRA on this?? Since when is it illegal go hunting or shoot a drug dealer in Downtown DC??

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      Wait, you mean this isn't why they got the handgun law repealed?

    • NRA? National Restaurant Association? You mean HERMAN CAIN might have done this? Oh, noes!

  • Not_So_Much

    Isn't everything bad that's happening linked to we Occupy hippies? Hasn't former Penn State Coach Sandusky's disgusting weiner been one of the leaders of the entire movement since 1997?

    • MzNicky

      I actually had a wingnut explain to me yesterday that Sandusky is a Democrat because "isn't that the sort of thing you libs like, yet you give a total pass to Clinton who is a rapist, plus y'all are racist because of Herman Cain who was no worse than Sandusky, in fact better!" I think that was the gist of it, I was laughing too hard at the time.

      • Biff

        This tortured logic is what keeps my little black book short and sweet.

  • Baconzgood

    Hmmmmmm. Hemp smokin' hacky sack bongo drum circle against wealth discrepancy person OR some right wing nut that's being saying the POTUS is a socialist…..I'll go with Hempy dude having the assault rifle. How's 'bout jew?

    • I see what you did there, BACONzgood. Jews are not likely to HAVE assault rifles, you TREYF PORK PRODUCT.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You mean the right wing nuts fighting for the ascendancy of ISRAEL so as to fulfill some mumbo-jumbo from Revelations? Those right-wing nuts?


    • MOG2410

      My Hempy friends couldn't load, much less fire an assault rifle. I'm voting TParty!

  • It's a good bet there's a cell in Gitmo this idiot will be "OCCUPYING" for the next 100 years.

  • hagajim

    Oh Idaho, Idaho, what have you done?

    • flamingpdog

      A nutcase from Idaho? Go on!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Idaho did give us Butch Otter.

      • Biff

        Also, Hayden Lake.

    • A confession? You da WUT?

    • finallyhappy

      Is this another Dune reference?

    • Not_So_Much

      "Ortega has a criminal record including arrests for domestic violence, drug offenses, assault on a police officer and underage alcohol possession, the Post reported."

      yep — that sounds like one of our locals alrighty.

  • WunkRocker

    re: Alt Text. Sure, blame it on the Black Dog.

    • jqheywood

      More likely it was a blue dog…

  • SorosBot

    Yep, someone shooting at the White House when a Democratic black man is President is probably a liberal, just like that guy who flew his plane into the White House during the Clinton administration.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I'm glad someone else remembers that. It's the very first thing I thought of when a certain President of the United States said, just after 9/11, that "nobody in our government at least, and I don't the think the prior government, could envisage flying air planes into buildings."

  • flamingpdog

    is said to have a history of aberrant behavior.

    This is obviously either part of a massive libunitic plot or, if not, just an isolated incident.

    • history of aberrant behavior === potential GOP Presidential Candidate!

    • user-of-owls

      And the third possibility is…um, ah…the third possibility…er. Oops!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Christ. Obama's channeling Eric Cantor now?

    • elviouslyqueer

      *hat tip*

  • Still, the Secret Service was busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll, so it took them until late yesterday to find a bullet.

    Bang The Drum Circle Slowly.

    • Pragmatist2

      The could have crows-sourced the search by having the Easter Egg hunt early and telling the kids that bullets are a special form of Easter egg.

    • justkillmenow

      The White House needs to bring back the 50-state Easter Egg thing. That was some bad ass art. And hilarious.

  • elviouslyqueer

    When does Eric Cantor come in and breathlessly announce that the bullet was obviously meant for him?

  • Pragmatist2

    He's a Moby (Circumscised) Dick fan. "Call me Israel"

  • Oblios_Cap

    RE: the photo. Don't Portuguese Water Dogs freeze in the winter time? Or can you throw salt on them to keep them slushy?

    • Nothingisamiss

      God, you've just reminded me I want a margarita.

      • flamingpdog

        God, you've just reminded me I need a margarita!

        Margarita, would that be the Messican gun-shooter's wife?

    • finallyhappy

      I seriously ordered 2 BO/ 2012 buttons

  • user-of-owls

    Have you seen the guy's beard? That's not facial transcendence!

  • El Pinche

    Wait! This vagrant had enough food stamps to buy a gun?? OOOOOOBAMA!!!!!!!!!!

    • I thought the US was proud of making guns more affordable to more Americans!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Yes, but you are supposed to use your gun stamps for the guns, and your food stamps for liquor, smokes and Caddies. I thought everyone knew this.

  • Come here a minute

    Probably just a Siouxsie and the Banshees fan.

  • flamingpdog

    Ortega? Really? Is he related to that soshulist feller in Nigra-raugua?

  • CapeClod

    I hope that C.J. Cregg wasn't standing at the window when the bullet hit.

    • user-of-owls

      Come to think of it, the dude sure looks a lot like Toby. Hmm.

      • Dok-cupy Everything

        I don't like Mondays.

        Thursdays are no great shakes, either

  • busy with planning next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll

    This is no exaggeration. They're rolling back the Easter Egg Roll, into early February. It's only fair to the Easter- and Egg- profiteers when they covetously observe their Xmas Tree counterparts' lobbyist cronies, and then there's Black Friday bleeding a little into Turkey Thursday. All Holiday, All The Time.

    • user-of-owls

      I heard they're going to count Easter Eggs as a vegetable from now on.

    • flamingpdog

      All Holiday, All The Time, that's life in the soshulist paradise we live in.

    • Negropolis

      It's awefully difficult to roll Easter eggs in the snow.

  • freakishlywrong

    Anyone else see a post about SEIU thugs? Or is the acid kicking in?

    • Callyson

      I saw it too and commented on it, then it disappeared…?

      • elviouslyqueer

        I had a comment all fired up and ready, and *poof!* Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Maybe they just retracted the backing for Obama?

      Or was that announcement embargoed? Ha!

    • SexySmurf

      A couple of guys whose first and last names end in vowels suggested Wonkette might want to take that post down if they didn't want any unfortunate accidents.

    • SorosBot

      I saw it too, then – poof! – it was gone, like a mirage.

    • Joshua Norton

      Posts go up. Posts disappear. Who can explain it?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      We have had post from, what, three or four different people today? What's next. they are going to bring back Alex or Jim? Or is Ken planning on hiring Megs McCain away from HuffPost?

    • Hey, I commented on that! Where'd it go?

  • Joshua Norton

    They tried the same thing with Occupy Oakland. Any gunfire anywhere was obviously the fault ot the protestors. Never mind the fact that Oakland was having about 7,905 violent crimes annually before anyone ever thought about setting up an Occupy camp site.

    Gunshots = Some DFH did it!!!


    • Here's what fucking pisses me off no end about that shit. At least once a week, there is some violent crime somewhere in Oakland that ends in the death of one or more persons. Sometimes it's the armed robbery of restaurants in the tonier areas of downtown. Sometimes it's drive-by shootings in the neighbourhoods closer to BART. But there's ALWAYS some fucking thing. Two weeks ago, my best bud was hanging out with her two little girls when they heard what sounded like groaning outside. They opened the front door (bad move, Ms. M) to find two people, a man and a woman, arguing on the sidewalk in front of their house. The couple moved away rapidly, and it looked as if the man was using force to get the woman to move. My friend called the police, and it turned out that someone had stabbed someone else to death a mere four doors down, and the couple (or at least the man) were likely suspects.

      But of course, now that #OccupyOakland exists, it MUST be the source of those deaths and murders. Doesn't Oakland have the highest death-by-violence rates of ANY city in the US?

  • Callyson

    Another law enforcement official, Sgt. David Schlosser of the Capitol Police, said that any motive would not be clear “until we can talk to this guy.”
    But we won't let that stop us from rampant speculation that OWS is in on this…

  • BigDumbRedDog

    That totally explains why the cops in seattle pepper sprayed an old lady and a pregnant woman last night.

  • Dear god what next. Rampaging meese on the WH front lawn? And we all KNOW those meese are Canajian, right?

    • Chichikovovich

      "Meese" is singular. The plural of "moose" is "moose", and the plural of "Meese" is "A bunch of douchebags named Ed."

      • I hate you meeses to peeses!

        • flamingpdog

          Everyone knows that the plural of mouse is meeses!
          – Hanna & Barbera Dictionary of the English Language, apparently not on your list of 262 books to read this year.

          • Jeez, dood, I'm too busy reading about Japanese war tortures and prisoners in Sandakan to get around to any *light* reading, like the Hanna & Barbera Dictionary.

            Christ Criminy. Here's a book for YOU to read (it's semi-fictional, you might enjoy it). The Mighty Wave by He Jin. It's a fictionalized account of post-WWII/Emergency life in Malaya.

            Did you know that the Americans got their idea of "new settlement" villages in VietNam from the Japanese, who used it as a way to defeat the MPAJA (the military arm of the Malayan Communist Party)? That's right. That, and the napalm. The British taught the Americans to use napalm against the Viet Minh, by first using it against the heroic fighters of the MPAJA.

  • smitallica

    They said he's mentally ill, which made me think he was a Republican. But then they said he's Hispanic, so I'm stymied.

    • Hmm. As a staunch Conservative, I am adamant that even psychotic Americans have the right to own and carry assault weapons. And who hasn't accidentally discharged their weapon into the plexiglass window of a residence now and then? But then the guy is Hispanic, huh? I don't quite know how to feel here.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Our Hispanics are better than their Hispanics?

    • user-of-owls

      Wait, isn't Stymie a slur for Jews, not Mexicans?

    • Cuban covers this.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Anybody know the whereabouts of Marco Rubio on the day in question? Is all I'm asking!

  • If I see a tattoo, I walk across the street and hide behind something.
    That's what I do.

    • Guppy

      Even tramp stamps?

      • jus_wonderin

        If you think about it, this works. As "if i see a stamp tramp, I walk across the street and hide behind something". Until she slaps me.

    • flamingpdog

      Michele, is that you?

  • meatlofer

    The slugs were on the inside of the windows?????????? and from the projectory a left-handed shooter.a Kenyan type left-handed shooter." STAY THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!"

    • Dok-cupy Everything

      Black, and to the left…black, and to the left…

  • Dok-cupy Everything

    This Is All Part Of Obama's Plot To Take Away Our Guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Baconzgood

      ELECT SHERIFF JOE!!!!!!!!

      Sheriff Joe/Racism 2012

      • Nothingisamiss

        Of course, Sherriff Joe has always run on this ticket.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Remember, the NRA has told us: Obama is not taking away our guns so he can take them away.

      Never forget!

      • Baconzgood

        If you don't take away our guns then only the people that don't have guns….uh….ahhhhhh…..mmmmm…..

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          . . . won't have them not taken away?

          • Baconzgood


  • SayItWithWookies

    I saw an article about this on Saturday morning that said the gunfire was between two cars and it was not directed at the White House. Apparently the facts were lacking in the appropriate "dangerous hippie" tie-in to OWS that really turn a non-story into sensationalism.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, he has tattoos of "rosary beads and hands clasped in prayer on his right chest and folded hands on his left chest," and has spent time in Idaho, Utah and Texas. Clearly another one of these born again, gun nut liberals. Wait, what?

  • LiveToServeYa

    The Reichstag? Totally on fire.

  • user-of-owls

    Fox already has its narrative set: "Back and to the left, back and to the left."

  • Antispandex

    Shooting D.C.? That never happens. Must be the unemployed, the hippies, or the hobos. They're the ones with the guns.

  • actor212

    What? I'm going to be the first?


  • chascates

    Acting on information generated by agents in the Secret Service’s Pittsburgh field office, a Pennsylvania police officer arrested Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez at a hotel near Indiana, Pennsylvania, the agency said Wednesday.

    What God-fearing American male has a hyphenated name? This guy must be more like 'Carlos the Jackel'.

  • Baconzgood

    WAAAAIT A SEC! Does the S. Service work in the WH? Constitution near the WH is like Fort Knox. You can't even get near the WH on Constitution without a pass. There is no way someone can take a shot that would hit the WH since, what was it, 2006?

    • finallyhappy

      You are thinking of Pennsylvania. But Constitution is separated by the Ellipse from the White House- I know nada about guns but a bullet would have to travel a long way from Constitution to go across the Ellipse and the huge back lawn of the White House to hit a window.

  • Terry

    From the NYT's article:
    "The man, previously referred to in a warrant as Oscar Ramiro Ortega, has a background of legal problems and is said to have a history of aberrant behavior."

    Who doesn't?

  • Did they have him take off his shirt to read the whole tattoo cuz maybe it's SASQUATCH IS REAL?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I heard that there was a car crash on the beltway in DC today. Clearly OWS fault.

    • That's a tremendous improvement. It used to be that EVUHthang was Obama's fault. Glad the press found a new bunch of Kommies to KicK around.

  • Guppy

    The suspect was last seen fleeing in the direction of the Naval Observatory.

  • WeHaveIssues

    The path from Occupying protesting patriot to terrorist, slippery slope. If you're the Secret Service in DC bored out of your mind while Obama is traveling, just takes a little push.

  • DahBoner

    A giant tat on his neck that says "ISRAEL"???

    Can you be more specific?

    That could be almost any member of Congress…

    • Biff

      To be fair, most of those are tramp stamps, a bit lower on the anatomy.

  • Maybe no snark here, but it's good to see the establishment so rattled that it's starting to blame everything on OWS.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Y'know, we should really be ashamed, making light of something that happened a mere four blocks from a Wonketeer's house. Or so I heard.

    • finallyhappy

      No one lives 4 blocks from the Holocaust museum- except the President- so did the President(or family) write that earlier comment.

  • stopthemovie

    The Republican party is full of bums shooting for the white house so whats the problem?

  • Mothergooch

    Since when are guns allowed in D.C.? Next you'll be telling me that murders happen there.

    • Negropolis

      Since the Supreme Court allowed it (but not really, 'cause everyone already had guns).

  • ttommyunger

    "…alert Secret Service Agents promptly wrestled the bullet to the ground."

  • fuflans

    fucking bo.

Previous articlePETA Wants Video Game Stereotype Beaten For Dressing Like Raccoon Dog
Next articleSEIU Thugs Predictably Endorse Obama for Re-Election