Hello comrades. We have a mission for you, should you choose to click/accept it, etc.

Wonkette Propaganda Industries & Co. is preparing a Digg-style story submission system to replace our current unwieldy and underutilized tips@wonkette mail list. What this means is simply that we would like to gauge interest in such a public forum where you would use your existing commenter accounts to submit stuff for Wonkette. And readers could vote the things up or down, a la Reddit/Digg, and your comments about whatever ridiculous/outrageous newslinks would add to the fun/horror. (Sensitive/anonymous tips will always be accepted and appreciated through the usual tips line.)

So how do we test if there’s interest in such a thing? We use a post like this for some story submissions. And then we all use the little thumbs-up buddy to vote a story up, theoretically. And then the Web Developers will say, “Oh yeah, the Wonkette Commenting Squad is all over this,” and then they will figure out a way to bill us a hundred hours for some open-source thing they found in a porn bit torrent, the end.

THANKS FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION, and here’s a good example of such a story submission comment from earlier today.

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  • ttommyunger

    But how will this help Sarah Palin?

    • nounverb911


      • ttommyunger

        Of course!

    • RadioOcupados

      All of them, ttommy.

    • Come here a minute

      In what respect, ttommy?

      • ttommyunger

        None, no respect at all.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more stories about Blackberries on Mars.

  • RadioOcupados

    I'm always in for more upfisting.

  • hagajim

    Moar Vitter diaper stories

    • nounverb911

      Maybe Wonkette can get Pampers to sponsor them.

  • SexySmurf

    I don't know about this. Have you read some of the comments; these people are freaks.

    (Actually, I'm all for this. I'm still upset Wonkette missed the Herman Cain Pokemon plagiarism scandal.)

    • There is so much we miss, just because we've got about a dozen things a day and there are usually at least twenty freak stories requiring the wonkette treatment (ritual sodomy).

  • hagajim

    Or do we participate like this:

    Obama Richest Man in World!

  • nounverb911

    In depth article on "Why does Jeebus hate Rick Perry?" please.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Will Kortney be on the submission page?

    Actually, I think the submission page will end up being more popular, then no-one will bother commenting on the front page.

  • My brain hurts.

  • SarahsBush

    This sounds a lot like CNN.

    • RadioOcupados

      Or CNNt.

      • user-of-owls

        Or CNN-Drudge.

    • V572-⁂½‡‡‡‡‡

      Can we have CNN's old Andy-Rooney knockoff Mac McJackerfy read the messages on the air? Cuz that would be awesome.

  • emmelemm

    I don't understand and fear change.

  • I will try it, after I'm sober enough to understand it.

    (Eventually that moment will arrive, right, Ken?)

    • LesBontemps

      Not if you're lucky.

  • Were we to all actually get shipped to Afghanistan… the entire boatload of us, powered by the tar and witgeist of the commentariat.. now that would be a story

  • Nothingisamiss

    Are terror babies panhandling on the dirt streets of a Mississippi GOP's rentboy's private gun shop?

    How is Sarah Palin victimized by this?

  • Indiepalin

    I'll say it again: What could possibly go wrong?

  • Extemporanus

    I tell you, all of you that are flipant about Journamalism at wonkette do me a favor show this story to the rest of your presumpteous, arrogant,

    monsters, have a laugh at this story. Sarcastic, nymphs.

    No wonder, wonkette does not allow tips.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      God I love you Extemp.

    • not that Dewey

      try to find a job that you are all unemployed, or at least outside the house since occasionallt.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Wait. I thought Wonkette didn't allow comments. So how am I replying to this classic mash-up? Forza Nookie!!!

  • metamarcisf

    Do these stories have to be true or can we write in the style of those guys over at RedState?

  • Grief_Lessons

    Ehh, democracy is for chumps. I prefer the gracious dictatorship of the Wonkette overlords that leaves the underclass chattering down here in the comments.

  • OK, I have a story about 3 naive bears and a Big Bad Wall Street Wolf.

    And there's going to be a captivating investor who looks like Charlize Theron, some freak named Bush who did way too much coke, and an evil organization called the W.A.P.O. that wants to brainwash everybody.

    Also, it will have a young wizard named Riley, his comely and brilliant assistant Kirsten, and their crazy but brilliant uncle Ken.

    A robot from outer space named Sorosbot will beam down to the planet to try and help, but our ways are so illogical to him that he mostly makes sarcastic comments.

    • "… Bush who did way too much Koch."
      — fixed

      Don't forget to make Kirsten speak in really, really long sentences. Like, "Riley, you've found the center of this story the way Brietbart finds a prospective boy-toy at a speed-dating hook-up disguised as family values conference with a 24×7 happy hour."

  • SayItWithWookies

    So does any link count as a potential story submission? And are the votes for the comment supposed to be taken as votes to have a Wonkette post on the submitted story? And if I link to this story about Michele Bachmann ignorantly proposing higher taxes does that count, or do I have to it in a non-embedded link?

    Okay, that's all my questions for now — but I don't have a problem with using the tips email, either.

    • The Democrats in Congress are not only pussies, they are also imaginationless dolts. The obvious response to this should be "sure, you betcha."

      • And Bachmann calls it the "economic miracle of the 1980s". But far more jobs were created under Bill Clinton. By MB's reasoning, we should go back to the Clinton rates. (Plus — I say — a gas tax to pay for all foreign military operations. Everyone pays for war.)

  • glamourdammerung

    Is there going to be a mechanism to prevent it from being yet another expression of Breitards' impotent rage?

  • chascates

    I sense a disturbance in The Force.

  • metamarcisf

    If you just changed the name to TITS@WONKETTE.COM HOTLINE, a lot of problems would be solved right there.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sorry. There was something about porn?

  • Geminisunmars

    What stories? I thought these were all true facts.

  • I has a confused, but that is nothing new. On your linkie to page 2 of the Bloomers post, There were only two poster children who make postings that had linkies to other items. Those were BaldarTFlagass' & mine. We both got 4p for our postings, which are not exactly hosannas in the highest from the Wonketteriate. So Ken, are you asking the multitude to drain your bandwidth with similar drivel?

    • elviouslyqueer

      I am more than happy to have multitudes draining me.

      What? Oh.

      • bureaucrap

        TMI. Should have left it at "I am more than happy to have multitudes".

  • BarackMyWorld

    i haz confused.

  • chascates

    Via Alex Pareene:

    Like that?

    • glamourdammerung

      Yeah, I loved that investigative technique of "some say" and quoting famous drug addict Rush Limbaugh.

    • SorosBot

      Shit, they're on to us!

    • Exactly. (Said to the World Champion Wonkette tipster chascates, who both understands and *creates* all news-tip systems, with his mind.)

  • i'll read anything with a Drudge Siren.

  • north_of_moscow

    Screw you, teachers and labor unions. I'm spending $125,000 to make sure there are deer to kill:

    • The buck stops here.

    • chascates

      Dr. Kroll is the Einstein of deer research. His studies helped start the Quality Deer Management programs. Soon Wisconsin drivers will be running over deer with big, trophy racks!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I'll do it for a dollar.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If I rate every story idea "9-9-9," I take it you'd find that obnoxious.

  • Guppy06
    • Shit, not Yulia! I heart her peasant braid. And how the hell is she going to pay back over a billion hrivnas? LOL

      How about this. Where were the spontaneous street protests in 2000 and 2004 that led to the ouster of the questionably-elected Dubyah? On that count, Ukraine has us beat.

      Mrs Tymoshenko was the heroine of the Western-leaning Orange Revolution – the sudden street protests that erupted after a fraudulent presidential election in 2004 – and was made prime minister shortly afterwards.

      • Bezoar

        She is so hot! At least I think she is. Like Sarah Palin should have been, if she weren't such a… a… well, you know what I mean.

  • Limeylizzie

    I have no idea what this means, granted I am jet-lagged , having just arrived in LA and it is 94 fucking degrees, but still.

    • Booo, I was hoping you would be in New York next week, when I will be doing a secret mission. (But yay, that you are probably working in LA, and not starving.)

      • Limeylizzie

        Oh, damn! I will be back next Saturday though, let me know how I may assist .

        • user-of-owls

          Oh, Lizzie! You're maybe going on a real live human date?? With Ken???

          [Slinks back to the hidden closet with all the fuzzy, cut-out photos of Lizzie pasted next to an awkwardly smiling ugly bird inside a crudely drawn heart outline]

          • Limeylizzie

            I will make Ken wear an owl head.

          • user-of-owls

            You always make me laugh, old thing, but only occasionally so hard my feathers fall out. Excuse me now, there's a comforter-to-be on my floor that I must tend to.

  • rambone

    There has been a troubling dearth of "assfucking" stories on the Wonkette as of late …

    • prommie

      Well, there is the sky-fucking story thats blazing up the internet this morning, but there was no mention that it was sky ass-fucking, yet. As for me, thats when I will be impressed, when its sky ass-fucking.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh sure, it's always the assfucking with you guys. What about the fucking Butterstick stories? Henghh??

    • Wall Street greed doesn't count?

      • emmelemm

        Metaphorical ass-fucking just not the same as actual ass-fucking.

  • Extemporanus

    Read the fucking fine print, you guys:

    For a link to qualify as a potential story submission and its fistings to be fully counted, it must be prefaced by the following:

    "Dear Wonkette,

    I never thought this would happen to me, but…"

    • "… Needless to say, I'll be submitting more stories in the future!"

  • Storytime:"Dear Wonkette,
    I never thought this would happen to me, but…"

    Patty Murray, the senatorial mom in tennis shoes and co-chair of the Congressional Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, has been putting acid in the ctte kool aid. Senator Murray is pushing the group to reduce the deficit by eliminating the silly Senate cloture rules and the even sillier Supreme Court.

    Is this the kinda story yer looking for Ken?

    • Extemporanus


    • emmelemm

      Wait, what?

      Supreme Court huh?

      Izzat for real?

  • Not_So_Much

    This feels kinda like a bait & switch trick to make us do work. I, for one, will sit idly by while I'm dicking around on teh wonkette during work hours.

    • Haha that would be smart of me. My actual logic is more along the "we are wasting 50 news tips a day and also probably pissing off the people who don't see their news tips turn into Wonkette posts." But if anyone actually wants to do all the editorial work, too … I'll be in the Bahamas.

      • Bezoar

        I'm not sure I grasp this plan fully, but I'm 100% for it. I think. But I don't know how many more Wonkette stories I can read all the comments to. You know what I mean?

        • Oblios_Cap

          I'm reminded of the "Fuck Your Unpaid Internship" sign one of the OWS protesters was holding up.

  • Antispandex

    Sounds like just another way to marginalize the illiterate.

  • RadioOcupados

    Today, we are all Wonkette Jrs.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, we're halfway through our favorite month and no sign of a Cocktober to remember. So the first item on the agenda has to be to uncover/make up naughty business involving wingnut politicians. And would it kill you to run an Amanda Knox story?

    • "And would it kill you to run an Amanda Knox story?"

      Yes, actually. That would probably be the day I unplugged Wonkette and threw the server in the incinerator.

      • littlebigdaddy


      • ShaveTheWhales

        Thank you.

      • But that's just because you haven't considered her little known middle name. She is actually Amanda Hugankiss Knox

  • chascates

    The 'best tip of the month' could get one of those Wonkette T-shirts that are still filling up Ken's horse barn.

    • The only size he has left would fit tight loose on a Clydesdale.

    • Those are long gone! The last remaining 13 shirts went from the warehouse to the homeless assistance center in Austin.

      • user-of-owls

        So, what, the shirts assist them in becoming homeless? That how it works? Seems kind of rough.

      • bikerlaureate

        I thought that was the fate of pirate shirts. Too, also.

  • fuflans

    i shudder to think of what this will produce.

    shudder in a good way of course.

  • savethispatient

    Well, if it's a free-for-all, I'll share this link… I did send it to tips, but it obviously didn't make the grade:

    I found it interesting as it's actually another sad indictment of corporations: successful, educated individuals get no job satisfaction or security from their 9-5 corporate jobs, so the only way to guarantee yourself some interesting work is to start your own company. You're not risking anything by quitting the corporate job, as your benefits probably have been cut, and you're really just an easily expendable 'resource' to some HR department. And once you start your business, almost everything you do is a tax-free business expense, so you'll probably be better off anyway.
    So, fellow Wonketteers, throw off your shackles! Say it with me, I am not a number, I am a free small business owner / job-creator!

    • user-of-owls

      Too Long. Did Not Say.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Could we link to an Onion parody story that's funny, then note that, shit, that's actually true, so it's actually kind of sad?

  • user-of-owls

    You know how they say some animals can sense impending calamity before it actually strikes?

    I'll be at the very top of the highest tree I can find.

    Just hootin'

    • DashboardBuddha

      So long as you're not pollutin'

      • user-of-owls

        Don't go bringing Putin into this, you skeezy communist.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Do rumors count?
    I heard somewhere that San Diego County GOP chairman Tony Krvaric blows goats.

    • KrayZBaggerLayD

      I heard it was REALLY spelled "Kurvaric." And that "Kurva" in Czech means "skanky, santorum-tainted asshole." Or something like that.

      Hey, you want accuracy in reporting, go to Media Matters, or something, jeez.

  • I know some good stories!

  • SmutBoffin

    Wonkett is a joke website of jokes, and I think it would be weird to participate in the selection of the subject matter for said jokes ahead of time.


  • ProgressiveInga

    Yes! Count me in on this pubic forum.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I see what you did there.

  • SharifDelMonte

    Carl Steadman tried this at Protip: don't allow comments on the "submitted" stories until they are live on the real site.

    • DashboardBuddha

      As a refugee from Plastic, I have to agree. Also, Carl Steadman yelled at me in chat one night. It was that kind of time.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If we thumbs-up all the stories, won't that make more work for you guys?

    • iburl

      Wonkette is a ___job creator.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Do we all get our own fluffers?

    • littlebigdaddy

      I will work for fluffers.

    • BornInATrailer

      That's the point system.

  • Woodshedding

    I'm on board with whatever you want to do EXCEPT that I have to vote against allowing people to vote against. That's so The-last-5,000-years. Let's keep the upfist-only system, if any voting system at all.

    • user-of-owls


      • Doktor Zoom


        • user-of-owls


  • Arken

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • At last! I found a use for all those hundreds of Penthouse letters that I never got around to mailing.

  • iburl

    Like it, love it, do it

  • hebmskebm

    Herb Cain dun stole his pizza tax plan from teh gamerz.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I'm all in favor of a submission page, but for balance, shouldn't there be a domination page, too? (flexes riding crop)

    • not that Dewey

      <–Applicants Supplicants–>

      • user-of-owls


        • not that Dewey

          Thank you sir, may I have another?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Radios appear.

  • Will this idea make more sense when I'm sober? 'cuz if so, it's going to be a long wait.

  • user-of-owls

    One of the more retarded of the heroically retarded fraternities on campus decided to hang a "One Percent" banner off the balcony of its fetid house. Which sits directly next to a Bank of America branch. Which had attracted a small but hale group of Occupy The Town Where Owls Teaches folks. Which led me to track down every member of that fraternity currently enrolled in my classes and flunk every last fucking one of them.

    Ok, I made the last part up. Does it still count?

    • littlebigdaddy


      • user-of-owls


        • Doktor Zoom

          Deke Nuke-Em! (Forever)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, if you aren't going to flunk them all, could you at least grade them a little tougher? I'm sure they want to stand on the strength of their intelligence and hard work. And no grading on a curve! Curves are just a hidden entitlement system! And charge them 3 bucks for the cupcakes at the bake sale.

  • Bezoar

    Now that I've had another beer, it's beginning to come into focus what worries me about this plan. If I understand it right, and I probably don't. But my concern would be that what makes Wonkette great (okay, good) is the quality of story coverage, not the quantity. By which I mean, not only is the original item thoughtfully selected and very well written up, it succeeds in inciting a lengthy discourse among the Wonketeratti, which tends to be funny, and informative, and satisfying. So, my advice is to be sure to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Does this make any sense? Sorry if not.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Beer brings everything into focus.

  • Bezoar

    Okay, so, I've re-read Ken's intro description, and I'm supposed to vote a story submission within the comments up or down? What if I think the story isn't that good but I like the comment? How can I distribute my upfist proportionately to my authentic feelings about these things? Can I give a partial fist?

  • not that Dewey

    Once upon a time, Sara K. Smith ran a story tip that I submitted. It was about junkie Redneck Wallabies, actual wallabies in Tasmania that were actually addicted to opium. Not exactly "hot political DC gossip" — I think she ran it just to mock me, but whatever — any attention from Sara was good attention, amirite?

    • user-of-owls

      Hey compa…you doing ok? Check in, ok?

  • ShaveTheWhales

    I think I'm just going to wait until somebody posts an intelligible explanation of how this is supposed to work and then cut and paste it into my own intelligible explanation.

    Or until I sober up sufficiently.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    What was that fax number again?
    Can I do this offline?

  • joeto2

    i don't understand – the blog entry simultaneously says it's already live ("here’s a good example […] from earlier today.") and not live yet ("Wonkette […] is preparing").

    So which is it? Is it live (in which case, what's the link?) or not (in which case, how did the example get submitted?)

    • Rosie_Scenario

      "I'LL F*** 'IN DO IT LIVE !!!!!!:

  • ThundercatHo

    Oh, good grief. Now, I will have to enlist the aid of my IT dept. (teenager) to figure out how to post the red linkies. Please be patient with the not-dead-yet/technologically ignorant but is it just copy/ paste?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Today we are all unpaid interns.

  • baconzgood

    How do I properly install my default mail client? What the fuck does that even mean? If your HITLER e-mail "Tips" thingie will let me preform this operation I'm game.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Owners of Zucotti Park back off:

    Did I do it right? This really confused me last night, but now I am at work and am neither drunk nor stoned.

  • justkillmenow

    Rep. Steve King Daydreams About The Good Ol' Days When Only Property Owners Voted

  • BornInATrailer

    I'd be willing to play "just the tip" with Wonkette.

  • Pragmatist2

    I'm in if I can lie about which stories I like. What's the point of having a system if you don't game it?

  • What? Did Ken leave his Mac out in the rain again?

  • Tundra Grifter

    So if I think there is a story here:

    I post it where?

    This is more Arizona stupidity – apparently this school bored thinks it is better to be a boob than to have a pair of 'em.

  • bureaucrap

    I sent you yesterday A WONDERFUL STORY about angry Amish Mobs in violent tonsorial raids, which you failed to publish, so yeah, I'd submit if you're going to ignore my obvious brilliance:

  • Hooray! This sounds like a great way for me to waste more time at work.

  • Polythene_Pam

    What has been entertaining me for the past few minutes…
    This story of stupid teacher FB hating on a LGBT History bulletin board –

    The huffpo story links to a pdf that someone grabbed of the orig FB thread before it was deleted –

    As I'm reading the pdf & wondering about the people involved in the conversation, I see that James Ludolph's FB profile is still public. James Ludolph seems to think that the LGBT bulletin board is somehow teaching kids that they should have anal sex & sex change operations (and he's a bit confused about what that entails, apparently). His FB profile shows his girlfriend to be Kimberly Butler.

    The fun part is near the end of the pdf, where Kimberly Butler starts to comment… supporting the LGBT history bulletin board. And, where James Ludolph decides that it's not all that bad after all.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    The photo of the Saudi Foreign Minister yields teh Lulz.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    End of the World Redux. Crazy Preacher Dude doubles down.

    • Kirsten will be all over this sometime next week.

  • can this be true? is urban-suburban hip-hop is coming back to the GOP? will we have to ask the host gator to find out for sure? oh steeleforum, please be real!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, look — a News Corp subsidiary that does advertising was hacking into a competitor's servers (eleven times over four months) to get their client information. FloorAds, the competitor, sued and won a $29.5 million settlement — although in 2005 when they tried to get someone to bring criminal charges they were unsuccessful.

    The vid is 7 minutes long, but very interesting — Rupert's criminal enterprise does the same thing here in the US as it's been doing in the UK. Of course I'm sure he had no idea about what was going on.


    What? When did Wonkette become part of the HuffingtonPost conglomerate? ;=D

  • frostbitefalls

    I'm always sending in tips. Fuck, I was the first on the case with Tim Pawlenty's "southern" accent. Before that annoying Minnesota Public Radio noticed it even. What does a girl have to do?

  • Tommmcattt

    Too lazy to surf for your own porn, huh Layne?

  • Hay!

    Come on people, mocking the success or not of Wonkette's Enterprise System (WES™) is (of course) acceptable, but that's no excuse to be casting asparagus on their and/or Ken's motives.

    I, for Onion, support Wookie's suggestion.

  • Nothingisamiss

    I would like a courageous wonketteer to be on the Peggith Nooninghamshire beat. Damn that Newell, going for the money and glory, but some of us without access or stomach to read through this drivel each week demand to have her columns mocked with the appropriate mix of pity, outrage and poop-throwing.

  • SorosBot

    If anyone up high is still reading, here's one actual bit of good news:

    APNewsBreak: US drops plans to keep troops in Iraq

    BAGHDAD (AP) — The U.S. is abandoning plans to keep U.S. troops in Iraq past a year-end withdrawal deadline, The Associated Press has learned. The decision to pull out fully by January will effectively end more than eight years of U.S. involvement in the Iraq war, despite ongoing concerns about its security forces and the potential for instability.

    But a senior Obama administration official in Washington confirmed Saturday that all American troops will leave Iraq except for about 160 active-duty soldiers attached to the U.S. Embassy.

  • KrayZBaggerLayD

    You LIE!

    Hey, wut? Joe Wilson said it first.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Yanni – New Album and Tour

    "This album also has a more rhythmic sound to the compositions which is a little different but when you hear this album you will still recognise it as what people are used to as Yanni music."

    "…bask in the music and magic of Yanni when he returns to Singapore on October 21 for a one-night only performance at the Marina Bay Sands as part of his world tour spanning Europe, America and Asia. "

  • Tundra Grifter

    Here's a hot story idea – real life superheroes!

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